Adventures in Dating (2/9)
Title: Adventures in Dating
Summary: Blair's bound and determined not to let newly single life get her down - by finding another boyfriend to keep her distracted from Chuck Bass. Unfortunately for Dan, he's the Sassy Gay Friend (sans gay) along for the ride…
Rating: PG-13/mild R
Word Count: 3,700
Pairing: Blair/Dan
Chapter 1
Chapter 2: Scouting the Perfect Venue
.
"Keep up, Humphrey," Blair shouts over her shoulder as she drags him by the hand into the club. The music is so loud and throbbing that her ears almost hurt from it.
He mumbles something behind her; she turns around.
"What?"
"I said, I don't think this is a good idea," Dan yells over the noise.
"Of course it is!"
Blair turns back and continues pulling him through the crowd until they reach the bar, where the sounds of club music are muted enough for normal conversation.
"Blair," Dan says with that obnoxious patronizing tone, "I'm not sure what you're looking for, but this pseudo speed-dating is probably the worst way to go about it."
She rolls her eyes at him while ordering their drinks (Budweiser - ugh - for Dan, from tap, and a dry martini for her, extra olives). Dan's been trying to convince her since they left Cartier yesterday that she was making a mistake, but after they'd had dinner that night at Aureole and they'd been offered a special "couples menu" Blair's more determined than ever to see this through.
Before he can launch into another speech about letting love find you and you can't force these feelings and blah, blah, blah, she puts a finger to his lips.
"If you screw this up for me, I will never let you choose the exhibits we attend again, so help me god, Humphrey," Blair warns him.
He glowers at her, but eventually nods. His lips move a little as he swallows and Blair wonders what he does to make his lips so soft. Secret grooming, perhaps? You wouldn't know it from his state of hair and rough hands, never mind the manicures he's so clearly never received.
She doesn't like thinking about it.
"Now, I'm going to drink this martini, and go out there and dance," Blair says, removing her finger slowly. "And if you don't approve, fine. But say something about it to me again and I'll make sure you never open your mouth again. Are we clear?"
"Oh, so very clear," he mutters irritably. "But before I shut up, can I just ask one thing?"
"Fine, one thing only," she allows.
"Is this about Chuck? Since you think you can't be with him?"
Blair stares. "Humphrey, you…" she begins condescendingly, and then she realizes, yes, of course this is about Chuck. It's always about Chuck, after all; the only reason people are assuming she's with Dan is because she's no longer with Chuck! It makes perfect sense, now that she's given it some thought. Blair can't believe she didn't grasp this before!
"You know me too well," she finishes.
"Well, just… don't do something… stupid," Dan offers lamely.
"Such words of encouragement," says Blair, rolling her eyes. "You should put your meager literary talents toward writing inspirational Hallmark cards." She leaves him at the bar and steps onto the dance floor in search of a good date - or at least an adequate dancing partner. She'd ask Dan, but he can't dance to save his life.
.
This is not his best night ever. He'd leave, and Blair wouldn't even notice his absence, except Dan's worried she might get herself in a bad situation.
Not that, well, not that she can't take care of herself, but Dan likes taking care of her. Apparently, he likes it so much that it's become his favorite masochistic activity because Jesus, this is getting ridiculous. Watching her dance with that one guy with the blonde hair - dyed blonde, even, the roots are obvious even from here - just plain sucks.
Dan finishes his Budweiser and signals the bartender for another.
"'Just friends' Dan," a woman's voice says next to him. "Here on a 'just friends' date?"
He turns his head and recognizes Lacey, the woman from the store yesterday. "Actually, yes."
She laughs and leans into the bar. "Fancy seeing you here. I thought you'd only just be getting to Cartier at this time."
Dan holds up his wrist and shows off the watch Blair bought for him. "I'm here as bodyguard; Blair's looking for a boyfriend and I'm supposed to weed out the failures."
Lacey winces. "Now that's just not fair."
"You're telling me."
"Wanna make her jealous?"
He laughs bitterly. "Blair doesn't think of me like that."
"There's only one way to know for sure," says Lacey, and holds out her hand. Against his better judgment, Dan takes it and lets her lead him out onto the dance floor, not far from where Blair is. For a second he panics as she starts to move, but then she makes a joke and he laughs, relaxes.
After a song or two, Dan says, "I'm actually having fun."
"I'm pretty fun to be around."
"Well, if you're not doing anything tomorrow," he offers nervously (he's a little rusty at this), "We could have fun… do you like movies or art or…"
Lacey's already shaking her head. "I don't date guys who are hung up on other girls. You seem like a nice guy, but I'm just doing you a favor here." She takes Dan's hands and puts them on her waist, moving closer to him and putting her own hands on his shoulders. "And you're not a bad dancer, so that's a plus."
He sighs, but gets it. "So, uh, are you in school?"
"Just graduated from Boston University last spring," she tells him. "I'm trying my hand at Wall Street finance."
"Oh yeah? How's that going?"
"Have you heard about the economy?"
Dan laughs. "Why finance, then?"
"I like numbers," Lacey admits.
"And shopping, and clubbing… you know, I should probably introduce you to my friend Blair, she's looking for someone in finance," he teases.
She throws her head back and laughs. "Oh, she's not my type. I prefer plaid."
"You know, plaid is my favorite…" Dan begins, a teasing smile on his face.
"I noticed, and still no," says Lacey, grinning. "What about you? Where are you in school?"
"Junior at NYU," he tells her, "But I'm taking the semester off to work on my new novel."
"New? As in, you've already published one?"
He nods, still over the moon about Inside. "Yeah. But I really want to get back to school, weirdly enough. I don't know, you'd think I get my fill of lectures daily with Blair but she's just not as informative as professors tend to be. Besides, I like classrooms."
"Oh, I get it, you're a nerd," jokes Lacey.
"I prefer intellectual snob."
.
Blair thinks she may have found a potential suitor. His name is Henry, he's a graduate student at Columbia double majoring in business and finance, and they've danced together for a few songs. Henry isn't grabby but he's not shy, either, and Blair finds herself having fun. She just needs to makes sure he and Dan get along.
After all, Dan is her best friend (besides Serena), and if Blair's going to date anyone she needs his seal of approval. It wouldn't do for him to dislike her boyfriend.
But when she looks at the bar, Dan isn't there.
"Is there something wrong?" Henry asks, smiling nervously.
"No, nothing, just…" she scans the mass of people, finally spotting his mop of hair on the floor not fifteen feet away with -
Blair storms over. "Humphrey, what on earth are you doing?" she exclaims.
"Dancing," he says, looking scared and rightly so.
"Dancing? That's what you're doing?" As if that's it - he's practically mating with that blonde trollop with the way he's carrying on. Dan's attempt to date Serena lookalikes should have begun and ended with that movie star Olivia Burke, this is too embarrassing. "You were supposed to be at the bar!"
"You never said -"
"I implied, you Williamsburg weasel," snaps Blair.
He drops his hands from the blonde's waist. "I'm not a mind reader, Blair!"
This infuriates her beyond belief. "You're supposed to know these things, Humphrey! I expect you to behave appropriately, not like some common dreg in a broken down brewery!" She grabs his hand and pulls him away from the classless courtesan.
Dan has the gall to say "Thank you… I think," over his shoulder, which only pisses her off more. How dare he thank that… that whore! And he's no better, falling head over heels for the first girl who gives him a second glance. It's times like this when Blair is ashamed of her friendship with Brooklyn's biggest loser; she really can't take him anywhere.
It isn't until she's pulled him into the coat room that Dan says something.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" he demands.
"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you?" she shrieks.
Dan actually looks angry, a rare expression of his. "Nothing! I'm twenty-one, I'm single, and I'm allowed to act like it! Where do you get off telling me what to do?"
She's actually seeing red, something Blair had only thought of as a turn of phrase until now. "I can't believe you're turning this around on me, Humphrey. I came here to break my horrible streak of luck in men and I needed you to make sure I don't make another mistake like Louis, but instead you decided to take care of your dick!"
"That's not what happened," he says, "And if you really need me to keep you from making a mistake you would have listened when I said this was a bad idea."
"Your pessimism is duly noted, and not welcome here."
Suddenly, Dan laughs and pulls her into a hug.
At first she stiffens at the unexpected contact, but Dan's hugs are always warm and safe. Blair relaxes into his arms and sighs, letting her anger leave despite her natural inclination towards grudges. She rests her head on his chest and links her hands around his back.
"Are we done now?" he asks. "I really didn't mean anything by it; she was just being nice to me."
"I should have realized no self-respecting woman would dance with you out of anything other than pity," says Blair, but she squeezes him to show she's joking. He seems to get it, and helps her tug on her coat like a gentleman. Blair fixes his scarf around his neck carefully, knowing how much Dan hates feeling cold there.
It's not until they've left 1Oak and gotten in the cab that Blair remembers Henry.
.
"It was a disaster," Dan tells Nate, rubbing his forehead miserably. "I don't know how to talk her out of this insanity. She's decided to crash a fraternity party next and I definitely can't tag along to that one."
Nate laughs. "Yeah, once Blair makes up her mind it's impossible to get her to change it."
"She's going to get herself into trouble," he says into the phone. "And I don't know how to stop it."
"There's one thing you could try," Nate suggests, "But I wouldn't recommend it."
"I'm up for anything," admits Dan.
"Put her in the same room as Chuck and lock them in for a day."
Dan snorts. "Almost anything. Okay, just… brainstorm. You know Blair better than anyone except Serena, and Serena's still trying to make her see reason."
Blair herself steps out of the lecture hall and makes her way to the courtyard Dan's pacing in, a brilliant smile on her face. He can't deny that seeing her smile just for him makes his heart beat faster, though he'd like to deny it because it's embarrassing.
"Look, man, I'll see what I can do but I think this one is up to you," Nate says.
"I'm so not up for this," Dan says while Blair draws closer. "Um, I gotta go, Blair's here. Bye." He slaps the phone shut just as Blair approaches him and links her arm through his.
She smiles up at him. "Who was that?"
"No one. Nothing. Nate," he stutters. "Why?"
"Nate?" Blair practically glows. "He's part of a fraternity here; I could make him my escort."
Dan groans. "Leave him alone."
They start toward the library. "I'm not going to date him, I just want him to temporarily look after me in your stead."
"That's an even worse idea than a frat party."
"How?" Blair asks in that accusatory pout she adopts when someone threatens to disrupt her version of reality.
"Well for one, it's Nate," Dan says.
She frowns for a moment. "Good point."
"Blair, I'm begging you, not a fraternity. I will literally get down on my knees if I have to."
She rolls her eyes and grins. "Humphrey, your concern for my well-being is touching but misplaced. I'm not going to one of those awful keggers we hear so much about on trashy teen soaps, I'm going to a black tie affair with soon-to-be prominent figures in society."
"You said almost the same thing about the bar and look how that turned out."
"For your information, I met a very nice man at 1Oak until you spoiled everything."
Dan inwardly cringes at the thought of Blair and someone else. "Are we going to have this argument again? Really?"
"Oh, stop whining," groans Blair, pulling her arm away from his. "I'm just saying that the club was more or less a success. Proof that I can find a good date if I put my mind to it."
He nods, feeling sick. "I know you can do anything you put your mind to, Blair, that's not the problem. You almost became a real-life princess through sheer force of will. I'm just worried that you won't like the consequences of forcing feelings for someone instead of… maybe, being alone for a change."
"I was alone for nearly a year and I hated it," she snaps. "I was so miserable I ended up becoming friends with you."
"Oh, the horror," Dan says lightly.
She can't hold back the smile. "Okay, Humphrey, I will admit you're a good influence on me whether I like it or not. But I'm still going to that party."
Dan groans and follows her inside the library, mentally preparing to help Blair write a thesis paper on Fitzgerald.
.
Blair steps out of the fraternity house and sighs.
Sometimes, she really should just listen to Dan. The entire evening was a nightmare, not a single one inside acted like a proper gentleman or even slightly decent - and now Blair has to listen to Dan saying "I told you so" about fifty times before he's satisfied, the self-righteous prick.
She checks her phone and sees two missed calls, one from Serena and one from Dan.
"Hey, Blair, it's me, just wanted to catch you before you came home," says Serena. "I thought you should know that Chuck is here and he says he won't leave until you talk to him. I thought I'd give you the heads up; if you want, you could probably stay with my mom and Rufus for the night. I love you, B, and I hope you're having fun. You deserve it."
Blair groans. Chuck was never one to let things be, and since the accident he's only gotten more persistent.
She should probably be elated by his determination considering how deeply she loves him - no one has loved like she loves Chuck - but he's interfering with her plans to slink home and think up a credible reinterpretation of tonight's events for Dan so as to avoid the "I told you so."
And this night is about Chuck, anyway, trying to avoid him, obviously that's what this is about, so no wonder she's frustrated.
"Blair, I know you're probably still at that frat party, but uh… there's a late-night showing of Wait Until Dark downtown and I thought, well, if you weren't having the best time you might want to be cheered up by some Audrey Hepburn… I mean, I know it isn't the cheeriest of films but, uh… anyway, it starts at eleven, just let me know if you're coming by then. I'll be, uh, I'll be waiting outside the theater until then, so… um, yeah, call me… about that… I'll talk to you later."
Sometimes, Dan's awkwardness is adorably pathetic. Blair can't help the smile that grows the further his fumbling message gets; he'd be lost without her guidance, that's for certain.
She checks the time on her phone - and her heart drops.
11:10.
Blair calls him quickly, hoping he didn't go into the theater yet. If he did, though, the phone would have gone straight to voicemail; Dan's very conscientious about turning his phone off during a movie. Blair makes fun of him for it, since it's so Humphrey-ish and rule-abiding -
"Blair?"
"Humphrey!" she says a little shrilly. "I thought the movie started at eleven," she adds in a more normal voice.
"Yeah, well, since you didn't show I thought I'd just head on home," he tells her, and his voice is irritatingly muffled over the line. "I never really did like Wait Until Dark anyway."
"Then why did you suggest it?" asks Blair, rolling her eyes.
"I thought you'd want to see it."
He's so goddamn nice, it's sickening, her stomach is literally rolling around due to nausea and her breath is caught in her throat. How dare he be so nice to her and make her feel this revolted? Now Blair has to think of something nice to do for him later. Terribly inconsiderate.
For now, she just sighs into the phone. "Well, it's too late now."
"I guess so. Unless…" Dan trails off in that annoying way he does when he's having a thought.
"Unless what?"
"I just, uh, I just bought the War and Peace serial last week and I figured since you and I weren't hanging out tonight I'd get started on that."
"The one with Anthony Hopkins?" she asks.
"Yeah."
"The one that's fifteen hours long?"
Dan laughs sheepishly. "I didn't say I was planning on finishing it tonight, just starting it."
Blair thinks about it for a moment. She can't go home, she refuses to stay with Lily and Rufus and their perpetual '90s love story, and Dorota's is definitely out of the question. There aren't many places for her to find refuge that don't involve leaving the country first.
"I'll meet you there in forty-five minutes," she says primly. "And I'll be staying over, so put the sheets I left in the closet on your bed."
"Or, and here's a crazy thought, but you could just stay in my dad's room. Bigger bed, more privacy, less invasion of my personal space…"
"If it's a bigger bed then the sheets won't fit," Blair explains to him patiently. God, he's such a heathen.
He sighs loudly. "I'm starting to think I should just set up a guest room for you."
"Don't be silly; I'm not over that often."
Blair snaps the phone shut and smiles. She's quite fond of getting the last word in.
.
Sometimes, Dan wonders exactly what is going on between him and Blair.
Even at their closest point he and Vanessa never behaved like this with each other, even when she used to climb through his window whenever she felt like it or he'd call her at one in the morning on a school night to discuss the dichotomy of human frailty and resilience in Steinbeck's novels.
Not even when they were a couple did they touch like this, and he has to wonder, really, if this is something more or is he just going insane from wanting her so much.
At this moment, Blair's head is in his lap, her body fetal and under the covers of his bed while Dan lies on top of it with his legs stretched out. They're on the second episode of the serial now and Dan's almost sure that she's asleep with how peacefully she's breathing; Blair never relaxes like this when she's awake.
So, with the way her hand curls around his thigh, he's not at fault for imagining that she might be…
"I keep expecting Audrey to show up," Blair murmurs.
"Hmm?" he intones, lost in thought.
"The 1956 movie with Audrey Hepburn as Natasha," she says. "I've seen it dozens of times. Not her best work, but when I was little I just wanted to watch her."
Dan plays with her hair absently. He's refrained from asking about the party all evening, not while Blair was sending out clear signals for him to shut up about it, but he's curious about it. Okay, Blair definitely admitted that this whole dating thing is about Chuck, he knows this and frankly it's stupid to keep up with this pining thing - and yet, she's with him at this minute and not Chuck.
He knows Chuck is at the Waldorf penthouse. Serena texted him shortly after Dan had arrived at the theater.
"It was bad, wasn't it."
"The movie? No, not bad, exactly, just a very condensed version."
"The party, I mean."
Blair settles further onto his lap. "Oh. That." She sighs. "Get it out, Humphrey."
He twists a lock of her hair around and around his finger. "Nah. I think I'll wait until you least expect it. 'I told you so' is a dish best served cold and all."
"Well, it was awful, and I'm never going to a fraternity house again, not even if I find the perfect man for me and he lives there and that's the only place we can be alone together. I'd rather be celibate."
Dan laughs. "Take it from the celibate guy; no, you wouldn't."
"Ugh, now I'm thinking of you having sex."
"And I look good, don't I?"
She squirms. "Somebody's a narcissist."
"It's narcissism if it's true," he teases, and then reminds himself to be serious. "I'm sorry things didn't work out for you tonight. I know I haven't been supportive of this boyfriend kick, and that's because it's really, really dumb, but I don't want to see you upset."
"I'm not upset, Humphrey, just disappointed," says Blair. She has her face trained on the laptop still.
"What happened?"
"As usual, my expectations far exceeded the reality."
Dan definitely relates to that.
.
TBC
.
A/N: A slightly more angsty Dan... and an even crazier Blair. This is what I offer in the aftermath of elevator sex ^_^
>Chapter 3
Summary: Blair's bound and determined not to let newly single life get her down - by finding another boyfriend to keep her distracted from Chuck Bass. Unfortunately for Dan, he's the Sassy Gay Friend (sans gay) along for the ride…
Rating: PG-13/mild R
Word Count: 3,700
Pairing: Blair/Dan
Chapter 1
Chapter 2: Scouting the Perfect Venue
.
"Keep up, Humphrey," Blair shouts over her shoulder as she drags him by the hand into the club. The music is so loud and throbbing that her ears almost hurt from it.
He mumbles something behind her; she turns around.
"What?"
"I said, I don't think this is a good idea," Dan yells over the noise.
"Of course it is!"
Blair turns back and continues pulling him through the crowd until they reach the bar, where the sounds of club music are muted enough for normal conversation.
"Blair," Dan says with that obnoxious patronizing tone, "I'm not sure what you're looking for, but this pseudo speed-dating is probably the worst way to go about it."
She rolls her eyes at him while ordering their drinks (Budweiser - ugh - for Dan, from tap, and a dry martini for her, extra olives). Dan's been trying to convince her since they left Cartier yesterday that she was making a mistake, but after they'd had dinner that night at Aureole and they'd been offered a special "couples menu" Blair's more determined than ever to see this through.
Before he can launch into another speech about letting love find you and you can't force these feelings and blah, blah, blah, she puts a finger to his lips.
"If you screw this up for me, I will never let you choose the exhibits we attend again, so help me god, Humphrey," Blair warns him.
He glowers at her, but eventually nods. His lips move a little as he swallows and Blair wonders what he does to make his lips so soft. Secret grooming, perhaps? You wouldn't know it from his state of hair and rough hands, never mind the manicures he's so clearly never received.
She doesn't like thinking about it.
"Now, I'm going to drink this martini, and go out there and dance," Blair says, removing her finger slowly. "And if you don't approve, fine. But say something about it to me again and I'll make sure you never open your mouth again. Are we clear?"
"Oh, so very clear," he mutters irritably. "But before I shut up, can I just ask one thing?"
"Fine, one thing only," she allows.
"Is this about Chuck? Since you think you can't be with him?"
Blair stares. "Humphrey, you…" she begins condescendingly, and then she realizes, yes, of course this is about Chuck. It's always about Chuck, after all; the only reason people are assuming she's with Dan is because she's no longer with Chuck! It makes perfect sense, now that she's given it some thought. Blair can't believe she didn't grasp this before!
"You know me too well," she finishes.
"Well, just… don't do something… stupid," Dan offers lamely.
"Such words of encouragement," says Blair, rolling her eyes. "You should put your meager literary talents toward writing inspirational Hallmark cards." She leaves him at the bar and steps onto the dance floor in search of a good date - or at least an adequate dancing partner. She'd ask Dan, but he can't dance to save his life.
.
This is not his best night ever. He'd leave, and Blair wouldn't even notice his absence, except Dan's worried she might get herself in a bad situation.
Not that, well, not that she can't take care of herself, but Dan likes taking care of her. Apparently, he likes it so much that it's become his favorite masochistic activity because Jesus, this is getting ridiculous. Watching her dance with that one guy with the blonde hair - dyed blonde, even, the roots are obvious even from here - just plain sucks.
Dan finishes his Budweiser and signals the bartender for another.
"'Just friends' Dan," a woman's voice says next to him. "Here on a 'just friends' date?"
He turns his head and recognizes Lacey, the woman from the store yesterday. "Actually, yes."
She laughs and leans into the bar. "Fancy seeing you here. I thought you'd only just be getting to Cartier at this time."
Dan holds up his wrist and shows off the watch Blair bought for him. "I'm here as bodyguard; Blair's looking for a boyfriend and I'm supposed to weed out the failures."
Lacey winces. "Now that's just not fair."
"You're telling me."
"Wanna make her jealous?"
He laughs bitterly. "Blair doesn't think of me like that."
"There's only one way to know for sure," says Lacey, and holds out her hand. Against his better judgment, Dan takes it and lets her lead him out onto the dance floor, not far from where Blair is. For a second he panics as she starts to move, but then she makes a joke and he laughs, relaxes.
After a song or two, Dan says, "I'm actually having fun."
"I'm pretty fun to be around."
"Well, if you're not doing anything tomorrow," he offers nervously (he's a little rusty at this), "We could have fun… do you like movies or art or…"
Lacey's already shaking her head. "I don't date guys who are hung up on other girls. You seem like a nice guy, but I'm just doing you a favor here." She takes Dan's hands and puts them on her waist, moving closer to him and putting her own hands on his shoulders. "And you're not a bad dancer, so that's a plus."
He sighs, but gets it. "So, uh, are you in school?"
"Just graduated from Boston University last spring," she tells him. "I'm trying my hand at Wall Street finance."
"Oh yeah? How's that going?"
"Have you heard about the economy?"
Dan laughs. "Why finance, then?"
"I like numbers," Lacey admits.
"And shopping, and clubbing… you know, I should probably introduce you to my friend Blair, she's looking for someone in finance," he teases.
She throws her head back and laughs. "Oh, she's not my type. I prefer plaid."
"You know, plaid is my favorite…" Dan begins, a teasing smile on his face.
"I noticed, and still no," says Lacey, grinning. "What about you? Where are you in school?"
"Junior at NYU," he tells her, "But I'm taking the semester off to work on my new novel."
"New? As in, you've already published one?"
He nods, still over the moon about Inside. "Yeah. But I really want to get back to school, weirdly enough. I don't know, you'd think I get my fill of lectures daily with Blair but she's just not as informative as professors tend to be. Besides, I like classrooms."
"Oh, I get it, you're a nerd," jokes Lacey.
"I prefer intellectual snob."
.
Blair thinks she may have found a potential suitor. His name is Henry, he's a graduate student at Columbia double majoring in business and finance, and they've danced together for a few songs. Henry isn't grabby but he's not shy, either, and Blair finds herself having fun. She just needs to makes sure he and Dan get along.
After all, Dan is her best friend (besides Serena), and if Blair's going to date anyone she needs his seal of approval. It wouldn't do for him to dislike her boyfriend.
But when she looks at the bar, Dan isn't there.
"Is there something wrong?" Henry asks, smiling nervously.
"No, nothing, just…" she scans the mass of people, finally spotting his mop of hair on the floor not fifteen feet away with -
Blair storms over. "Humphrey, what on earth are you doing?" she exclaims.
"Dancing," he says, looking scared and rightly so.
"Dancing? That's what you're doing?" As if that's it - he's practically mating with that blonde trollop with the way he's carrying on. Dan's attempt to date Serena lookalikes should have begun and ended with that movie star Olivia Burke, this is too embarrassing. "You were supposed to be at the bar!"
"You never said -"
"I implied, you Williamsburg weasel," snaps Blair.
He drops his hands from the blonde's waist. "I'm not a mind reader, Blair!"
This infuriates her beyond belief. "You're supposed to know these things, Humphrey! I expect you to behave appropriately, not like some common dreg in a broken down brewery!" She grabs his hand and pulls him away from the classless courtesan.
Dan has the gall to say "Thank you… I think," over his shoulder, which only pisses her off more. How dare he thank that… that whore! And he's no better, falling head over heels for the first girl who gives him a second glance. It's times like this when Blair is ashamed of her friendship with Brooklyn's biggest loser; she really can't take him anywhere.
It isn't until she's pulled him into the coat room that Dan says something.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" he demands.
"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you?" she shrieks.
Dan actually looks angry, a rare expression of his. "Nothing! I'm twenty-one, I'm single, and I'm allowed to act like it! Where do you get off telling me what to do?"
She's actually seeing red, something Blair had only thought of as a turn of phrase until now. "I can't believe you're turning this around on me, Humphrey. I came here to break my horrible streak of luck in men and I needed you to make sure I don't make another mistake like Louis, but instead you decided to take care of your dick!"
"That's not what happened," he says, "And if you really need me to keep you from making a mistake you would have listened when I said this was a bad idea."
"Your pessimism is duly noted, and not welcome here."
Suddenly, Dan laughs and pulls her into a hug.
At first she stiffens at the unexpected contact, but Dan's hugs are always warm and safe. Blair relaxes into his arms and sighs, letting her anger leave despite her natural inclination towards grudges. She rests her head on his chest and links her hands around his back.
"Are we done now?" he asks. "I really didn't mean anything by it; she was just being nice to me."
"I should have realized no self-respecting woman would dance with you out of anything other than pity," says Blair, but she squeezes him to show she's joking. He seems to get it, and helps her tug on her coat like a gentleman. Blair fixes his scarf around his neck carefully, knowing how much Dan hates feeling cold there.
It's not until they've left 1Oak and gotten in the cab that Blair remembers Henry.
.
"It was a disaster," Dan tells Nate, rubbing his forehead miserably. "I don't know how to talk her out of this insanity. She's decided to crash a fraternity party next and I definitely can't tag along to that one."
Nate laughs. "Yeah, once Blair makes up her mind it's impossible to get her to change it."
"She's going to get herself into trouble," he says into the phone. "And I don't know how to stop it."
"There's one thing you could try," Nate suggests, "But I wouldn't recommend it."
"I'm up for anything," admits Dan.
"Put her in the same room as Chuck and lock them in for a day."
Dan snorts. "Almost anything. Okay, just… brainstorm. You know Blair better than anyone except Serena, and Serena's still trying to make her see reason."
Blair herself steps out of the lecture hall and makes her way to the courtyard Dan's pacing in, a brilliant smile on her face. He can't deny that seeing her smile just for him makes his heart beat faster, though he'd like to deny it because it's embarrassing.
"Look, man, I'll see what I can do but I think this one is up to you," Nate says.
"I'm so not up for this," Dan says while Blair draws closer. "Um, I gotta go, Blair's here. Bye." He slaps the phone shut just as Blair approaches him and links her arm through his.
She smiles up at him. "Who was that?"
"No one. Nothing. Nate," he stutters. "Why?"
"Nate?" Blair practically glows. "He's part of a fraternity here; I could make him my escort."
Dan groans. "Leave him alone."
They start toward the library. "I'm not going to date him, I just want him to temporarily look after me in your stead."
"That's an even worse idea than a frat party."
"How?" Blair asks in that accusatory pout she adopts when someone threatens to disrupt her version of reality.
"Well for one, it's Nate," Dan says.
She frowns for a moment. "Good point."
"Blair, I'm begging you, not a fraternity. I will literally get down on my knees if I have to."
She rolls her eyes and grins. "Humphrey, your concern for my well-being is touching but misplaced. I'm not going to one of those awful keggers we hear so much about on trashy teen soaps, I'm going to a black tie affair with soon-to-be prominent figures in society."
"You said almost the same thing about the bar and look how that turned out."
"For your information, I met a very nice man at 1Oak until you spoiled everything."
Dan inwardly cringes at the thought of Blair and someone else. "Are we going to have this argument again? Really?"
"Oh, stop whining," groans Blair, pulling her arm away from his. "I'm just saying that the club was more or less a success. Proof that I can find a good date if I put my mind to it."
He nods, feeling sick. "I know you can do anything you put your mind to, Blair, that's not the problem. You almost became a real-life princess through sheer force of will. I'm just worried that you won't like the consequences of forcing feelings for someone instead of… maybe, being alone for a change."
"I was alone for nearly a year and I hated it," she snaps. "I was so miserable I ended up becoming friends with you."
"Oh, the horror," Dan says lightly.
She can't hold back the smile. "Okay, Humphrey, I will admit you're a good influence on me whether I like it or not. But I'm still going to that party."
Dan groans and follows her inside the library, mentally preparing to help Blair write a thesis paper on Fitzgerald.
.
Blair steps out of the fraternity house and sighs.
Sometimes, she really should just listen to Dan. The entire evening was a nightmare, not a single one inside acted like a proper gentleman or even slightly decent - and now Blair has to listen to Dan saying "I told you so" about fifty times before he's satisfied, the self-righteous prick.
She checks her phone and sees two missed calls, one from Serena and one from Dan.
"Hey, Blair, it's me, just wanted to catch you before you came home," says Serena. "I thought you should know that Chuck is here and he says he won't leave until you talk to him. I thought I'd give you the heads up; if you want, you could probably stay with my mom and Rufus for the night. I love you, B, and I hope you're having fun. You deserve it."
Blair groans. Chuck was never one to let things be, and since the accident he's only gotten more persistent.
She should probably be elated by his determination considering how deeply she loves him - no one has loved like she loves Chuck - but he's interfering with her plans to slink home and think up a credible reinterpretation of tonight's events for Dan so as to avoid the "I told you so."
And this night is about Chuck, anyway, trying to avoid him, obviously that's what this is about, so no wonder she's frustrated.
"Blair, I know you're probably still at that frat party, but uh… there's a late-night showing of Wait Until Dark downtown and I thought, well, if you weren't having the best time you might want to be cheered up by some Audrey Hepburn… I mean, I know it isn't the cheeriest of films but, uh… anyway, it starts at eleven, just let me know if you're coming by then. I'll be, uh, I'll be waiting outside the theater until then, so… um, yeah, call me… about that… I'll talk to you later."
Sometimes, Dan's awkwardness is adorably pathetic. Blair can't help the smile that grows the further his fumbling message gets; he'd be lost without her guidance, that's for certain.
She checks the time on her phone - and her heart drops.
11:10.
Blair calls him quickly, hoping he didn't go into the theater yet. If he did, though, the phone would have gone straight to voicemail; Dan's very conscientious about turning his phone off during a movie. Blair makes fun of him for it, since it's so Humphrey-ish and rule-abiding -
"Blair?"
"Humphrey!" she says a little shrilly. "I thought the movie started at eleven," she adds in a more normal voice.
"Yeah, well, since you didn't show I thought I'd just head on home," he tells her, and his voice is irritatingly muffled over the line. "I never really did like Wait Until Dark anyway."
"Then why did you suggest it?" asks Blair, rolling her eyes.
"I thought you'd want to see it."
He's so goddamn nice, it's sickening, her stomach is literally rolling around due to nausea and her breath is caught in her throat. How dare he be so nice to her and make her feel this revolted? Now Blair has to think of something nice to do for him later. Terribly inconsiderate.
For now, she just sighs into the phone. "Well, it's too late now."
"I guess so. Unless…" Dan trails off in that annoying way he does when he's having a thought.
"Unless what?"
"I just, uh, I just bought the War and Peace serial last week and I figured since you and I weren't hanging out tonight I'd get started on that."
"The one with Anthony Hopkins?" she asks.
"Yeah."
"The one that's fifteen hours long?"
Dan laughs sheepishly. "I didn't say I was planning on finishing it tonight, just starting it."
Blair thinks about it for a moment. She can't go home, she refuses to stay with Lily and Rufus and their perpetual '90s love story, and Dorota's is definitely out of the question. There aren't many places for her to find refuge that don't involve leaving the country first.
"I'll meet you there in forty-five minutes," she says primly. "And I'll be staying over, so put the sheets I left in the closet on your bed."
"Or, and here's a crazy thought, but you could just stay in my dad's room. Bigger bed, more privacy, less invasion of my personal space…"
"If it's a bigger bed then the sheets won't fit," Blair explains to him patiently. God, he's such a heathen.
He sighs loudly. "I'm starting to think I should just set up a guest room for you."
"Don't be silly; I'm not over that often."
Blair snaps the phone shut and smiles. She's quite fond of getting the last word in.
.
Sometimes, Dan wonders exactly what is going on between him and Blair.
Even at their closest point he and Vanessa never behaved like this with each other, even when she used to climb through his window whenever she felt like it or he'd call her at one in the morning on a school night to discuss the dichotomy of human frailty and resilience in Steinbeck's novels.
Not even when they were a couple did they touch like this, and he has to wonder, really, if this is something more or is he just going insane from wanting her so much.
At this moment, Blair's head is in his lap, her body fetal and under the covers of his bed while Dan lies on top of it with his legs stretched out. They're on the second episode of the serial now and Dan's almost sure that she's asleep with how peacefully she's breathing; Blair never relaxes like this when she's awake.
So, with the way her hand curls around his thigh, he's not at fault for imagining that she might be…
"I keep expecting Audrey to show up," Blair murmurs.
"Hmm?" he intones, lost in thought.
"The 1956 movie with Audrey Hepburn as Natasha," she says. "I've seen it dozens of times. Not her best work, but when I was little I just wanted to watch her."
Dan plays with her hair absently. He's refrained from asking about the party all evening, not while Blair was sending out clear signals for him to shut up about it, but he's curious about it. Okay, Blair definitely admitted that this whole dating thing is about Chuck, he knows this and frankly it's stupid to keep up with this pining thing - and yet, she's with him at this minute and not Chuck.
He knows Chuck is at the Waldorf penthouse. Serena texted him shortly after Dan had arrived at the theater.
"It was bad, wasn't it."
"The movie? No, not bad, exactly, just a very condensed version."
"The party, I mean."
Blair settles further onto his lap. "Oh. That." She sighs. "Get it out, Humphrey."
He twists a lock of her hair around and around his finger. "Nah. I think I'll wait until you least expect it. 'I told you so' is a dish best served cold and all."
"Well, it was awful, and I'm never going to a fraternity house again, not even if I find the perfect man for me and he lives there and that's the only place we can be alone together. I'd rather be celibate."
Dan laughs. "Take it from the celibate guy; no, you wouldn't."
"Ugh, now I'm thinking of you having sex."
"And I look good, don't I?"
She squirms. "Somebody's a narcissist."
"It's narcissism if it's true," he teases, and then reminds himself to be serious. "I'm sorry things didn't work out for you tonight. I know I haven't been supportive of this boyfriend kick, and that's because it's really, really dumb, but I don't want to see you upset."
"I'm not upset, Humphrey, just disappointed," says Blair. She has her face trained on the laptop still.
"What happened?"
"As usual, my expectations far exceeded the reality."
Dan definitely relates to that.
.
TBC
.
A/N: A slightly more angsty Dan... and an even crazier Blair. This is what I offer in the aftermath of elevator sex ^_^
>Chapter 3