Adventures in Dating (3/9)
Title: Adventures in Dating
Summary: Blair's bound and determined not to let newly single life get her down - by finding another boyfriend to keep her distracted from Chuck Bass. Unfortunately for Dan, he's the Sassy Gay Friend (sans gay) along for the ride…
Rating: PG-13/mild R
Word Count: 3757
Pairing: Blair/Dan
Chapters 1 and 2
Chapter 3: Finding the Ideal Suitor
.
"I have a cramp in my neck," Blair says, taking the coffee (his coffee) from his hands without even a "thank you" to offer in return.
"Oh, poor you," mutters Dan, rolling his eyes. "At least you slept in a bed. You know where I woke up this morning? The floor."
She takes a sip. "Ugh! What is this?"
"Mine. Here; touch of cream, no sugar, cocoa powder on top," he says, and switches out their mugs.
Dan sits gingerly on his bed, aware that at any second she might kick him off. What he really wants to do is get under the soft covers and sleep for a few more hours, but Blair hates to sleep past eight when she stays over so he'd forced himself up at seven to grab her breakfast from the bakery five blocks away.
"You didn't have to sleep on the floor Dan," says Blair. "There's a bed in the next room, and a couch. It's touching how much you love this room but there's no need to make yourself suffer unnecessarily."
"Right, because I really wanted to have carpet burn in weird places," snorts Dan.
She frowns. "Weird places? As opposed to the usual ones? I can see the marks on your cheek."
"Nice try, but I already looked in the mirror this morning."
"Someone's vain."
"Someone needs to shave every day. I don't think the caveman look works for me."
Blair eyes him carefully. "Where exactly are these carpet burns, then?"
Dan has the weirdest feeling that she's flirting with him. "Found one on my hip when I took a shower," he says, cool and casual, like, he always talks about showering to Blair Waldorf. "One on my thigh. Oh, and a really fun one right here." He points to just below his right pec.
She hand reaches out to touch him there and when she does, it hurts like hell.
Not sexy. Not romantic.
"Hey, watch it," Dan says, pushing her hand away gently. "I don't go around poking your burns."
"The last time you whined about damages it was a paper cut on your left pinkie," says Blair disdainfully. "How was I supposed to know this was genuine?"
"Okay, I only said something about that paper cut because you were holding my hand."
"I was not holding your hand!"
"Yes, you were. We were watching Psycho and you freaked out during the shower scene and you grabbed my hand and squeezed for about twenty minutes."
Blair looks appalled. "Ten at the most!"
"Twenty," he argues, which he's completely sure of because he was watching the clock out the corner of his eye. Blair was holding his hand like a girlfriend during a scary movie; Dan's going to take what he can get, even if he's going to pretend to complain about it afterward.
"I know for a fact it was ten."
"You just said it never happened!"
"Well…" she looks miffed. "Did you get breakfast or what, Humphrey? Making your guests starve is in poor taste."
Dan tries very hard not to laugh and doesn't quite succeed. "Yes, breakfast is waiting. Would you like me to set the table or just bring your highness breakfast in bed?"
"Oh, you're so funny."
"I think so."
"Breakfast in bed," says Blair, sniffing at him and drinking more of her coffee. "I want to watch more of War and Peace."
"By the way," Dan says as he stands up, "You're not even a guest anymore; you practically live here."
She glares at him. "Until my toothbrush and my tampons start living in your bathroom full time, I'm a guest."
"You left a box of Tampax under my sink the last time you stayed over; that counts as full time," he tells her before walking into the kitchen.
"Not if I bring them back with me today!" Blair hollers after him.
.
Blair spends the rest of the day shopping for a dress for the AIDS charity gala that night. When she'd arrived home a little before noon, wearing the spare set of clothes she always keeps at Dan's loft (she'll have to remind herself to bring a few more outfits over next time she visits him), Serena had asked her what dress she would wear and Blair hadn't even remembered the event.
"Twirl," Serena demands now, and Blair obliges.
Normally Blair likes the backless dress look, but this black number hangs so low it feels like her ass is showing.
"I don't like this," she almost whines after coming to a full stop.
"Well, the dress likes you. It's the best one you've picked out yet."
"I'd like to try something else," Blair tells her, and turns to the many dresses on her rack. She's lost in the sea of black fabric almost immediately.
Serena steps up behind her and starts pulling off the complicated dress.
"Maybe something with a full skirt," she ponders, and Blair nods in agreement.
She lets Serena take over the search, which pays off as the blonde pulls out a fantastic piece. It's all black, like the dresses are supposed to be this evening, but with the tiniest red rose at the base of one silk strap. The bodice is laced like a corset and the skirt is full, long, and absolutely refined.
When Blair sees herself in it, she breaks into a huge grin. "It's perfect!" she exclaims, and hugs Serena. "Thank you so much for coming, I don't know what I would do without you!"
"You would have seen this one eventually," Serena says, laughing. "And it looks great on you, B, it really does. Everyone's going to go crazy over you."
"Not like you," replies Blair, and she tries to keep the sullenness out of her voice.
Serena squeezes her before pulling back to look in Blair's eyes. "You are beautiful, Blair Waldorf. Okay? You're going to get a thousand bids. Just think of all the money you'll raise for amfAR by wearing this dress!"
"I can't believe I even signed up for this," she sighs. "Dating auctions are so passé. They're a romcom ritual, and I'm obviously Greek tragedy."
"Well, maybe you'll be bid on by a nice guy, and you'll hit it off, and then you'll stop going to frat parties and bars to find the perfect date," Serena suggests.
Blair pauses.
She hadn't even thought about that. Of course, men who bid for dates are usually a bit socially awkward, and some of them aren't particularly good looking, but Blair has spent enough time with Dan to know how to deal with socially awkward and if he isn't good looking… well, what harm can one date do, anyway?
It's the perfect plan - as long as Chuck doesn't bid on her, which defeats the whole purpose of this newly-formed idea and the whole point of this boyfriend search in general.
Unexpectedly Blair wonders if Dan will be there.
"Is your entire family going?" she asks Serena, trying to sound casual.
Serena shrugs. "Depends on what you mean by 'entire family,' I guess," she says. "My mom and Rufus are going, Eric's decided to take a break from studying for the night, and Dan said he'll show up for a few hours - which is what you were asking."
"I need someone I can mock the pretending-rich with," Blair protests, although she doesn't quite know what she's protesting. "Humphrey is very funny when he's being judgmental."
"Blair," Serena starts, and then bites her lip.
She waits for a few seconds but Serena looks hesitant. "What?" she demands.
The blonde sighs. "It's just… I don't think you realize how unfair it is for you to drag Dan along when you're looking for a boyfriend."
"What? Unfair to you?" asks Blair, gearing up for a fight.
"Unfair to him," Serena shoots back. "You know he has a crush on you, right?"
Blair snorts. "Dan doesn't have a crush on me, S. If he did, would he really have spent our whole night at 1Oak dancing with a Serena van der Woodsen lookalike?"
She tries not to envision the nameless blonde's utter humiliation, because Blair has no means of tracking her down… unless Dan has her number, and that thought makes her so irritated at his complete stupidity that she almost doesn't care about who will bid on her tonight.
.
Dan wishes Eric hadn't just up and abandoned him. Obviously Dan's fine with being wingman, he's certainly getting a lot of practice at it, but he kind of misses his little brother and they'd made a pact to stick together for the first hour of the evening.
So here he is, sitting at the bar in what is becoming his signature move, drinking scotch like he's Chuck Bass. It's mildly depressing.
"First time at one of these things, too?" a voice asks Dan sympathetically to his right.
He looks over to see a young man with dirty blonde hair and a rueful expression. The guy is obviously uncomfortable in his tux, tugging at the collar surreptitiously and fidgeting.
"No, not my first time," says Dan, smiling kindly. "I've been doing this for years. They don't really like me that much, though."
"Well, I've never been to one of these things before," admits the newcomer. "My family just moved here from Portland and I don't know anybody."
"Now you do," Dan tells him and holds out a hand. "Dan Humphrey."
"Robert Coyle. Rob." They shake hands firmly.
Dan likes the look of this guy; he's probably a year or two younger than Dan himself, all fresh faced and hopeful. He doesn't want Rob getting corrupted by the worst of the Upper East Siders, and decides to take the boy under his wing. Just a little bit, though, because Blair once told him that his mentoring skills are cringe-worthy.
"So, Rob, why leave Portland?" he asks.
Rob shrugs shyly. "We kind of outgrew it," is the evasive answer. "Plus, my mom has always wanted to live in New York, and there was a listing on Park Avenue so my dad thought, why not?"
He tries very hard not to laugh. Why not buy a Park Avenue apartment? "Okay… welcome, then."
"Thanks. Hey, did you buy a ticket for the auction?"
"Uh… no, it's not really my thing," says Dan. "But if you did, uh… I would get out there, you know, start meeting some of the girls."
Rob looks positively horrified. "I don't… New York girls are supposed to be really mean."
"Not all of them," he reassures the boy, and looks around the room until he spots Serena, who is mercifully alone. "That's my stepsister over there; she's really nice. And if you don't hit it off, she can introduce you to pretty much everyone here."
"Okay," says Rob, an almost comical look of determination on his face. "Okay, I'll do it."
"Okay."
"Yeah, here I go," he announces. Rob takes Dan's scotch, drinks the remainder like a shot, and makes his way over to Serena.
Dan looks at his empty glass and signals the bartender for a new one.
"Drinking alone, Humphrey?"
"Hi, Blair," he says before turning around in his seat and -
His jaw drops. Dan doesn't even know what that style is, but the top part reminds him of a corset (and bondage) and the skirt is all flowy… her shoulders are bare except for thin silk straps no wider than an inch, and is that a rose? The whole thing, it just… he just…
She waves her hand in front of his face. "Are you okay?"
"Uh… yeah…" murmurs Dan, still drinking her in. "You look… I mean… wow."
"Really? I mean, it's alright," Blair says, and his eyes zoom back to her face to witness a faint blush.
A sense of daring and hope begins to swell up inside Dan, initiated by last night and this morning, and that blush. Also, the scotch gives Dan an edge of recklessness - and that dress is screaming for him to make a move already - and her smile, it's like, god he loves her smile and her hair and the back of her neck and -
"I'm just hoping it'll make a good impression at the auction," she continues. "This is an excellent way to meet a suitable suitor."
And then everything just bursts like a water balloon. Dan slumps into his seat, defeat seeping into his bones.
She puts a hand on his arm. "Promise me that if no one bids on me, you will?"
The complete lack of confidence in Blair's voice forces Dan to ignore his momentary lapse of judgment. "They will," he tells her. "They've have to be blind and crazy not to like you."
"But promise anyways," insists Blair.
Dan puts his hand over hers. "I don't have a ticket," he tells her, deeply regretting that decision. "I would, really, but I can't."
"You know, I thought you would say that, so I bought you one," she says, and tugs her hand from under his. She pulls an auction ticket out of her tiny little purse, handing it to him smartly. "Now, I have to go meet my other options, but I'll meet you back here once the auction is over, okay? And I'm glad you're wearing the shirt I picked out for you."
Blair waltzes off and Dan watches her go - until she arrives at a group of young men and he tears his eyes away. Dan looks at the shiny ticket in his hands, wondering what he's done to deserve this.
.
Miss Celia von Slopak is obviously not very pretty, Blair decides as she waits behind the stage curtain. Unlike Serena's wild bidding war just before, this date option is very quiet.
Blair checks her reflection in her compact mirror one last time before tucking her purse away. She's actually very nervous, something she wishes was not the case. Oh god, she's actually nervous about these socially inept, hygiene deficient men and what they might think of her!
"Miss Waldorf?" the vaguely pretty assistant says, tugging her elbow. "They're ready for you."
"Already?" she wonders, feeling faint.
"Miss von Slopak was auctioned off very quickly." Code for no one really wanted her, and isn't that just reassuring?
Blair takes a deep breath. "Okay. I'm good. When do I go?"
The assistant listens to her headset intently. "Right… now," she cues, and Blair steps out to a round of applause.
The MC waves her over, and Blair walks to him nervously. "Blair, it says on your profile here that you love movies with Audrey Hepburn and a good book to curl up with," he says encouragingly. "What would you say is your ideal date?"
"Um… dinner and a movie," she says. "If there's an art exhibit worth visiting I won't say no to that, either. But, um, I guess I just want to have fun."
"That's great!" says the MC. He turns to the crowd of men in tuxes. "We'll start the bidding at five hundred."
Just five hundred? Serena started at a thousand! Blair feels close to crying.
"Six hundred!"
She looks out to see Dan with his raised paddle, smiling warmly at her. As usual, Blair can't help but to grin back at his stupid face. Of course he would jump in right then, he's such a wonderful friend. (What Serena said earlier, about Dan having a crush on her, it comes back for a split second until Blair reminds herself how silly that is.)
And it might be the smile she's giving him, or Dan's instant bid, or both, but suddenly Blair is in the middle of her own fervent bidding war.
"Four thousand!" she hears at one point.
"Six thousand five hundred!"
Blair can't help but laugh in bewildered excitement, her eyes never leaving Dan's for long. He's long since stepped out of the bidding as the numbers continued to climb (obviously he's not going to bid on a date with her when she can just take him to the movies any old time), but he just stands there being supportive.
"Twenty thousand!" one voice calls above all the others, and the flying paddles stop.
She stares at the boy who just bid this extremely high amount on her. Blair recognizes him; he's the blonde who was talking to Dan earlier at the bar. She remembers him leaving just as she came over to Dan, looking very set upon something.
Dan must have arranged for this, she realizes. He must have been talking to this boy and recognized him as a potential boyfriend for her.
"Twenty thousand going once," the MC says tentatively. "Going twice? Sold!"
Blair grins and waves at the crowd before stepping off the stage and toward her date.
.
Of course. Of fucking course.
Dan makes nice with a guy from Portland, an outsider, and what is the first thing he does? Stupid Rob decides to bid extravagantly on Blair Waldorf, the most Upper East Side of all the Upper East Siders. Stupid Rob, thinking he had a shot with Blair. Blair doesn't date outsiders.
And really, he should have seen it coming.
This is life's irony after all. The one guy he actually likes at one of these galas, and this happens to him.
Dan downs another glass of scotch heavily. God, this is just getting pathetic.
"Hey, slow down there," says Eric at his elbow.
"Way to leave me earlier," he mutters sullenly.
Eric climbs onto the stool next to him. "If I'd known you were trying to get alcohol poisoning I wouldn't have left. What's up?"
"Oh, nothing. Just… absolutely nothing. The definition of nothing."
"Blair?"
"Shut up."
His little brother snorts. "Dan, seriously? She was in a dating auction. That's it. Win a date with Blair Waldorf, not a lifetime commitment."
Dan thinks about telling Eric how Blair is after exactly that, but he's so sick of the whole thing. He just nods sharply and almost gets up to leave this party before remembering he's supposed to meet Blair here. For a moment he considers just leaving anyway, but she'd kill him.
Finally he tells Eric, "It's complicated."
"Oh, yeah, I haven't heard that one before," Eric says, rolling his eyes.
"Whatever. So, are you going to tell me about the guy you met?"
"Hmm…" the smaller boy grins. "Funny story with that. His name is also Erik, but with a 'k' and he majors in fashion design at Parsons."
Dan snorts. "You know you're setting yourself up for about a million jokes with this one, right?"
"He's really hot," Eric says by way of defense.
An arm snakes through Dan's, and he inwardly braces himself. "Humphrey! He's perfect!" says Blair.
He looks at her and sees - oh, god, his worst fears have come true. Blair has actually found someone she wants to date.
.
"And when he graduated from high school last year as valedictorian, he'd received about a million scholarships even though he's unbelievably wealthy, except he deferred for a year to work with the Peace Corps in Guatemala and build bridges and houses," Blair continues, breathless. "I've never met anyone as well adjusted as he is, especially at that age."
"Mm-hmm," Dan says at her side.
"I know I said I'd never date a younger man because they were too much to deal with, but for Rob I might make an exception," she tells him. "He's so funny and sweet, and I can't believe my luck!"
"Yep."
Blair stops walking, which forces Dan to stop walking since her arm is firmly linked through his. "Is there a problem? Oh god, does he have a secret fetish? I'm very understanding about those - the things Chuck wanted to do with a scarf - but if it's really gross I don't know if I can handle that."
"What? No," he exclaims, looking disturbed. "It's nothing."
She frowns at him. "You know, whenever something is upsetting you, your upper lip sticks out."
Dan puts a hand to his mouth reflexively. "No it doesn't, and I'm not upset."
"I know you're lying."
"What, is my left nostril flaring or something?" he asks drolly.
"No," snaps Blair. "You don't have a tell when you're lying; I just know because you're barely saying anything." She tugs her arm away and stands to face him, her arms crossed.
He sighs and runs a hand through that horrid mass of hair. "I'm tired, Blair. That's all."
"Are you sure?" she knows he's still lying.
"Look, if something was wrong I would tell you," says Dan. "You're my best friend; I have no secrets from you."
"Yeah, right," she grumbles, but decides to drop it - for now. "Do you want to do something, or…"
Dan shakes his head. "I just want to go home, okay? Not that I don't love spending days on end with you but I have to get some writing in or Alessandra might kill me."
"Alessandra might kill you," Blair says, inwardly seething at the name. That inelegant editor, always usurping her time with Dan, always, always, always going on about Dan's book and his career and isn't he amazing, isn't he just so inspiring like she worships at his feet - and Dan doesn't even see how horrid the woman is! "I might kill you, and I'd do a much better job."
"I can't believe this is a conversation we are even having right now."
Blair grabs his coat and tugs. "At least walk me to my door," she commands, pulling him along the sidewalk.
"I always do."
"Really, though," says Blair after a few minutes. "Do you have a problem with Rob? At all?"
Dan smiles down at her. "If you're happy, I'm happy. I just hope he's good enough for you."
For some stupid reason (probably her need for drama), Blair is disappointed by this.
.
TBC
.
A/N: Check out amfAR, y'all, because it's a seriously important organization devoted researching a cure for HIV/AIDS, as well as focusing worldwide on improving the lifestyle of those who are infected and diminishing the spread of this truly devastating epidemic. Donations are always good, but if you can't manage it financially there are other ways to get involved or show your support. The gala in this chapter is fictional but amfAR hosts a multitude of fundraisers that are worth checking out.
This chapter is dedicated to dulcedeusex for her unending patience with me and my lack of computer skills. Thank you so much, girl ^_^
Summary: Blair's bound and determined not to let newly single life get her down - by finding another boyfriend to keep her distracted from Chuck Bass. Unfortunately for Dan, he's the Sassy Gay Friend (sans gay) along for the ride…
Rating: PG-13/mild R
Word Count: 3757
Pairing: Blair/Dan
Chapters 1 and 2
Chapter 3: Finding the Ideal Suitor
.
"I have a cramp in my neck," Blair says, taking the coffee (his coffee) from his hands without even a "thank you" to offer in return.
"Oh, poor you," mutters Dan, rolling his eyes. "At least you slept in a bed. You know where I woke up this morning? The floor."
She takes a sip. "Ugh! What is this?"
"Mine. Here; touch of cream, no sugar, cocoa powder on top," he says, and switches out their mugs.
Dan sits gingerly on his bed, aware that at any second she might kick him off. What he really wants to do is get under the soft covers and sleep for a few more hours, but Blair hates to sleep past eight when she stays over so he'd forced himself up at seven to grab her breakfast from the bakery five blocks away.
"You didn't have to sleep on the floor Dan," says Blair. "There's a bed in the next room, and a couch. It's touching how much you love this room but there's no need to make yourself suffer unnecessarily."
"Right, because I really wanted to have carpet burn in weird places," snorts Dan.
She frowns. "Weird places? As opposed to the usual ones? I can see the marks on your cheek."
"Nice try, but I already looked in the mirror this morning."
"Someone's vain."
"Someone needs to shave every day. I don't think the caveman look works for me."
Blair eyes him carefully. "Where exactly are these carpet burns, then?"
Dan has the weirdest feeling that she's flirting with him. "Found one on my hip when I took a shower," he says, cool and casual, like, he always talks about showering to Blair Waldorf. "One on my thigh. Oh, and a really fun one right here." He points to just below his right pec.
She hand reaches out to touch him there and when she does, it hurts like hell.
Not sexy. Not romantic.
"Hey, watch it," Dan says, pushing her hand away gently. "I don't go around poking your burns."
"The last time you whined about damages it was a paper cut on your left pinkie," says Blair disdainfully. "How was I supposed to know this was genuine?"
"Okay, I only said something about that paper cut because you were holding my hand."
"I was not holding your hand!"
"Yes, you were. We were watching Psycho and you freaked out during the shower scene and you grabbed my hand and squeezed for about twenty minutes."
Blair looks appalled. "Ten at the most!"
"Twenty," he argues, which he's completely sure of because he was watching the clock out the corner of his eye. Blair was holding his hand like a girlfriend during a scary movie; Dan's going to take what he can get, even if he's going to pretend to complain about it afterward.
"I know for a fact it was ten."
"You just said it never happened!"
"Well…" she looks miffed. "Did you get breakfast or what, Humphrey? Making your guests starve is in poor taste."
Dan tries very hard not to laugh and doesn't quite succeed. "Yes, breakfast is waiting. Would you like me to set the table or just bring your highness breakfast in bed?"
"Oh, you're so funny."
"I think so."
"Breakfast in bed," says Blair, sniffing at him and drinking more of her coffee. "I want to watch more of War and Peace."
"By the way," Dan says as he stands up, "You're not even a guest anymore; you practically live here."
She glares at him. "Until my toothbrush and my tampons start living in your bathroom full time, I'm a guest."
"You left a box of Tampax under my sink the last time you stayed over; that counts as full time," he tells her before walking into the kitchen.
"Not if I bring them back with me today!" Blair hollers after him.
.
Blair spends the rest of the day shopping for a dress for the AIDS charity gala that night. When she'd arrived home a little before noon, wearing the spare set of clothes she always keeps at Dan's loft (she'll have to remind herself to bring a few more outfits over next time she visits him), Serena had asked her what dress she would wear and Blair hadn't even remembered the event.
"Twirl," Serena demands now, and Blair obliges.
Normally Blair likes the backless dress look, but this black number hangs so low it feels like her ass is showing.
"I don't like this," she almost whines after coming to a full stop.
"Well, the dress likes you. It's the best one you've picked out yet."
"I'd like to try something else," Blair tells her, and turns to the many dresses on her rack. She's lost in the sea of black fabric almost immediately.
Serena steps up behind her and starts pulling off the complicated dress.
"Maybe something with a full skirt," she ponders, and Blair nods in agreement.
She lets Serena take over the search, which pays off as the blonde pulls out a fantastic piece. It's all black, like the dresses are supposed to be this evening, but with the tiniest red rose at the base of one silk strap. The bodice is laced like a corset and the skirt is full, long, and absolutely refined.
When Blair sees herself in it, she breaks into a huge grin. "It's perfect!" she exclaims, and hugs Serena. "Thank you so much for coming, I don't know what I would do without you!"
"You would have seen this one eventually," Serena says, laughing. "And it looks great on you, B, it really does. Everyone's going to go crazy over you."
"Not like you," replies Blair, and she tries to keep the sullenness out of her voice.
Serena squeezes her before pulling back to look in Blair's eyes. "You are beautiful, Blair Waldorf. Okay? You're going to get a thousand bids. Just think of all the money you'll raise for amfAR by wearing this dress!"
"I can't believe I even signed up for this," she sighs. "Dating auctions are so passé. They're a romcom ritual, and I'm obviously Greek tragedy."
"Well, maybe you'll be bid on by a nice guy, and you'll hit it off, and then you'll stop going to frat parties and bars to find the perfect date," Serena suggests.
Blair pauses.
She hadn't even thought about that. Of course, men who bid for dates are usually a bit socially awkward, and some of them aren't particularly good looking, but Blair has spent enough time with Dan to know how to deal with socially awkward and if he isn't good looking… well, what harm can one date do, anyway?
It's the perfect plan - as long as Chuck doesn't bid on her, which defeats the whole purpose of this newly-formed idea and the whole point of this boyfriend search in general.
Unexpectedly Blair wonders if Dan will be there.
"Is your entire family going?" she asks Serena, trying to sound casual.
Serena shrugs. "Depends on what you mean by 'entire family,' I guess," she says. "My mom and Rufus are going, Eric's decided to take a break from studying for the night, and Dan said he'll show up for a few hours - which is what you were asking."
"I need someone I can mock the pretending-rich with," Blair protests, although she doesn't quite know what she's protesting. "Humphrey is very funny when he's being judgmental."
"Blair," Serena starts, and then bites her lip.
She waits for a few seconds but Serena looks hesitant. "What?" she demands.
The blonde sighs. "It's just… I don't think you realize how unfair it is for you to drag Dan along when you're looking for a boyfriend."
"What? Unfair to you?" asks Blair, gearing up for a fight.
"Unfair to him," Serena shoots back. "You know he has a crush on you, right?"
Blair snorts. "Dan doesn't have a crush on me, S. If he did, would he really have spent our whole night at 1Oak dancing with a Serena van der Woodsen lookalike?"
She tries not to envision the nameless blonde's utter humiliation, because Blair has no means of tracking her down… unless Dan has her number, and that thought makes her so irritated at his complete stupidity that she almost doesn't care about who will bid on her tonight.
.
Dan wishes Eric hadn't just up and abandoned him. Obviously Dan's fine with being wingman, he's certainly getting a lot of practice at it, but he kind of misses his little brother and they'd made a pact to stick together for the first hour of the evening.
So here he is, sitting at the bar in what is becoming his signature move, drinking scotch like he's Chuck Bass. It's mildly depressing.
"First time at one of these things, too?" a voice asks Dan sympathetically to his right.
He looks over to see a young man with dirty blonde hair and a rueful expression. The guy is obviously uncomfortable in his tux, tugging at the collar surreptitiously and fidgeting.
"No, not my first time," says Dan, smiling kindly. "I've been doing this for years. They don't really like me that much, though."
"Well, I've never been to one of these things before," admits the newcomer. "My family just moved here from Portland and I don't know anybody."
"Now you do," Dan tells him and holds out a hand. "Dan Humphrey."
"Robert Coyle. Rob." They shake hands firmly.
Dan likes the look of this guy; he's probably a year or two younger than Dan himself, all fresh faced and hopeful. He doesn't want Rob getting corrupted by the worst of the Upper East Siders, and decides to take the boy under his wing. Just a little bit, though, because Blair once told him that his mentoring skills are cringe-worthy.
"So, Rob, why leave Portland?" he asks.
Rob shrugs shyly. "We kind of outgrew it," is the evasive answer. "Plus, my mom has always wanted to live in New York, and there was a listing on Park Avenue so my dad thought, why not?"
He tries very hard not to laugh. Why not buy a Park Avenue apartment? "Okay… welcome, then."
"Thanks. Hey, did you buy a ticket for the auction?"
"Uh… no, it's not really my thing," says Dan. "But if you did, uh… I would get out there, you know, start meeting some of the girls."
Rob looks positively horrified. "I don't… New York girls are supposed to be really mean."
"Not all of them," he reassures the boy, and looks around the room until he spots Serena, who is mercifully alone. "That's my stepsister over there; she's really nice. And if you don't hit it off, she can introduce you to pretty much everyone here."
"Okay," says Rob, an almost comical look of determination on his face. "Okay, I'll do it."
"Okay."
"Yeah, here I go," he announces. Rob takes Dan's scotch, drinks the remainder like a shot, and makes his way over to Serena.
Dan looks at his empty glass and signals the bartender for a new one.
"Drinking alone, Humphrey?"
"Hi, Blair," he says before turning around in his seat and -
His jaw drops. Dan doesn't even know what that style is, but the top part reminds him of a corset (and bondage) and the skirt is all flowy… her shoulders are bare except for thin silk straps no wider than an inch, and is that a rose? The whole thing, it just… he just…
She waves her hand in front of his face. "Are you okay?"
"Uh… yeah…" murmurs Dan, still drinking her in. "You look… I mean… wow."
"Really? I mean, it's alright," Blair says, and his eyes zoom back to her face to witness a faint blush.
A sense of daring and hope begins to swell up inside Dan, initiated by last night and this morning, and that blush. Also, the scotch gives Dan an edge of recklessness - and that dress is screaming for him to make a move already - and her smile, it's like, god he loves her smile and her hair and the back of her neck and -
"I'm just hoping it'll make a good impression at the auction," she continues. "This is an excellent way to meet a suitable suitor."
And then everything just bursts like a water balloon. Dan slumps into his seat, defeat seeping into his bones.
She puts a hand on his arm. "Promise me that if no one bids on me, you will?"
The complete lack of confidence in Blair's voice forces Dan to ignore his momentary lapse of judgment. "They will," he tells her. "They've have to be blind and crazy not to like you."
"But promise anyways," insists Blair.
Dan puts his hand over hers. "I don't have a ticket," he tells her, deeply regretting that decision. "I would, really, but I can't."
"You know, I thought you would say that, so I bought you one," she says, and tugs her hand from under his. She pulls an auction ticket out of her tiny little purse, handing it to him smartly. "Now, I have to go meet my other options, but I'll meet you back here once the auction is over, okay? And I'm glad you're wearing the shirt I picked out for you."
Blair waltzes off and Dan watches her go - until she arrives at a group of young men and he tears his eyes away. Dan looks at the shiny ticket in his hands, wondering what he's done to deserve this.
.
Miss Celia von Slopak is obviously not very pretty, Blair decides as she waits behind the stage curtain. Unlike Serena's wild bidding war just before, this date option is very quiet.
Blair checks her reflection in her compact mirror one last time before tucking her purse away. She's actually very nervous, something she wishes was not the case. Oh god, she's actually nervous about these socially inept, hygiene deficient men and what they might think of her!
"Miss Waldorf?" the vaguely pretty assistant says, tugging her elbow. "They're ready for you."
"Already?" she wonders, feeling faint.
"Miss von Slopak was auctioned off very quickly." Code for no one really wanted her, and isn't that just reassuring?
Blair takes a deep breath. "Okay. I'm good. When do I go?"
The assistant listens to her headset intently. "Right… now," she cues, and Blair steps out to a round of applause.
The MC waves her over, and Blair walks to him nervously. "Blair, it says on your profile here that you love movies with Audrey Hepburn and a good book to curl up with," he says encouragingly. "What would you say is your ideal date?"
"Um… dinner and a movie," she says. "If there's an art exhibit worth visiting I won't say no to that, either. But, um, I guess I just want to have fun."
"That's great!" says the MC. He turns to the crowd of men in tuxes. "We'll start the bidding at five hundred."
Just five hundred? Serena started at a thousand! Blair feels close to crying.
"Six hundred!"
She looks out to see Dan with his raised paddle, smiling warmly at her. As usual, Blair can't help but to grin back at his stupid face. Of course he would jump in right then, he's such a wonderful friend. (What Serena said earlier, about Dan having a crush on her, it comes back for a split second until Blair reminds herself how silly that is.)
And it might be the smile she's giving him, or Dan's instant bid, or both, but suddenly Blair is in the middle of her own fervent bidding war.
"Four thousand!" she hears at one point.
"Six thousand five hundred!"
Blair can't help but laugh in bewildered excitement, her eyes never leaving Dan's for long. He's long since stepped out of the bidding as the numbers continued to climb (obviously he's not going to bid on a date with her when she can just take him to the movies any old time), but he just stands there being supportive.
"Twenty thousand!" one voice calls above all the others, and the flying paddles stop.
She stares at the boy who just bid this extremely high amount on her. Blair recognizes him; he's the blonde who was talking to Dan earlier at the bar. She remembers him leaving just as she came over to Dan, looking very set upon something.
Dan must have arranged for this, she realizes. He must have been talking to this boy and recognized him as a potential boyfriend for her.
"Twenty thousand going once," the MC says tentatively. "Going twice? Sold!"
Blair grins and waves at the crowd before stepping off the stage and toward her date.
.
Of course. Of fucking course.
Dan makes nice with a guy from Portland, an outsider, and what is the first thing he does? Stupid Rob decides to bid extravagantly on Blair Waldorf, the most Upper East Side of all the Upper East Siders. Stupid Rob, thinking he had a shot with Blair. Blair doesn't date outsiders.
And really, he should have seen it coming.
This is life's irony after all. The one guy he actually likes at one of these galas, and this happens to him.
Dan downs another glass of scotch heavily. God, this is just getting pathetic.
"Hey, slow down there," says Eric at his elbow.
"Way to leave me earlier," he mutters sullenly.
Eric climbs onto the stool next to him. "If I'd known you were trying to get alcohol poisoning I wouldn't have left. What's up?"
"Oh, nothing. Just… absolutely nothing. The definition of nothing."
"Blair?"
"Shut up."
His little brother snorts. "Dan, seriously? She was in a dating auction. That's it. Win a date with Blair Waldorf, not a lifetime commitment."
Dan thinks about telling Eric how Blair is after exactly that, but he's so sick of the whole thing. He just nods sharply and almost gets up to leave this party before remembering he's supposed to meet Blair here. For a moment he considers just leaving anyway, but she'd kill him.
Finally he tells Eric, "It's complicated."
"Oh, yeah, I haven't heard that one before," Eric says, rolling his eyes.
"Whatever. So, are you going to tell me about the guy you met?"
"Hmm…" the smaller boy grins. "Funny story with that. His name is also Erik, but with a 'k' and he majors in fashion design at Parsons."
Dan snorts. "You know you're setting yourself up for about a million jokes with this one, right?"
"He's really hot," Eric says by way of defense.
An arm snakes through Dan's, and he inwardly braces himself. "Humphrey! He's perfect!" says Blair.
He looks at her and sees - oh, god, his worst fears have come true. Blair has actually found someone she wants to date.
.
"And when he graduated from high school last year as valedictorian, he'd received about a million scholarships even though he's unbelievably wealthy, except he deferred for a year to work with the Peace Corps in Guatemala and build bridges and houses," Blair continues, breathless. "I've never met anyone as well adjusted as he is, especially at that age."
"Mm-hmm," Dan says at her side.
"I know I said I'd never date a younger man because they were too much to deal with, but for Rob I might make an exception," she tells him. "He's so funny and sweet, and I can't believe my luck!"
"Yep."
Blair stops walking, which forces Dan to stop walking since her arm is firmly linked through his. "Is there a problem? Oh god, does he have a secret fetish? I'm very understanding about those - the things Chuck wanted to do with a scarf - but if it's really gross I don't know if I can handle that."
"What? No," he exclaims, looking disturbed. "It's nothing."
She frowns at him. "You know, whenever something is upsetting you, your upper lip sticks out."
Dan puts a hand to his mouth reflexively. "No it doesn't, and I'm not upset."
"I know you're lying."
"What, is my left nostril flaring or something?" he asks drolly.
"No," snaps Blair. "You don't have a tell when you're lying; I just know because you're barely saying anything." She tugs her arm away and stands to face him, her arms crossed.
He sighs and runs a hand through that horrid mass of hair. "I'm tired, Blair. That's all."
"Are you sure?" she knows he's still lying.
"Look, if something was wrong I would tell you," says Dan. "You're my best friend; I have no secrets from you."
"Yeah, right," she grumbles, but decides to drop it - for now. "Do you want to do something, or…"
Dan shakes his head. "I just want to go home, okay? Not that I don't love spending days on end with you but I have to get some writing in or Alessandra might kill me."
"Alessandra might kill you," Blair says, inwardly seething at the name. That inelegant editor, always usurping her time with Dan, always, always, always going on about Dan's book and his career and isn't he amazing, isn't he just so inspiring like she worships at his feet - and Dan doesn't even see how horrid the woman is! "I might kill you, and I'd do a much better job."
"I can't believe this is a conversation we are even having right now."
Blair grabs his coat and tugs. "At least walk me to my door," she commands, pulling him along the sidewalk.
"I always do."
"Really, though," says Blair after a few minutes. "Do you have a problem with Rob? At all?"
Dan smiles down at her. "If you're happy, I'm happy. I just hope he's good enough for you."
For some stupid reason (probably her need for drama), Blair is disappointed by this.
.
TBC
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A/N: Check out amfAR, y'all, because it's a seriously important organization devoted researching a cure for HIV/AIDS, as well as focusing worldwide on improving the lifestyle of those who are infected and diminishing the spread of this truly devastating epidemic. Donations are always good, but if you can't manage it financially there are other ways to get involved or show your support. The gala in this chapter is fictional but amfAR hosts a multitude of fundraisers that are worth checking out.
This chapter is dedicated to dulcedeusex for her unending patience with me and my lack of computer skills. Thank you so much, girl ^_^