Comments | knifesmile: (без темы)

knifesmile

(Untitled)

Jan 08, 2007 17:56

Sometimes it surprises me that I'm still stumbling forward. Volcanic psychoemotional waves I can't talk about. Forbidden thoughts. Violent struggles for self-control. It's exhausting, on top of everything else. And yet not exhausting enough ( Read more... )

Comments 16

xredcordialx January 9 2007, 14:28:57 UTC

Come back here.

knifesmile January 10 2007, 21:15:41 UTC

I'm too afraid for you to.

xredcordialx January 11 2007, 01:56:17 UTC

... bullshit.

xitsmejessica January 9 2007, 15:43:48 UTC

Don't be sad. =\

You're still alive! Yay! hillbillie January 9 2007, 18:02:23 UTC

As for the "smelling danger"..oh please.
This is me here.

[claps you on shoulder, bares fangs in friendly fashion]
So how ya doin, or rather, WHAT ya doin?

knifesmile January 10 2007, 21:11:27 UTC

Buying and smoking ridiculous amounts of marijuana to replace my pain pills and trying hard not to... well, you know what I mean. I told you, anyhow, and I still don't know why the fuck I did, but there it is. My self control has worn thinner than usual and it's been harder and harder and harder lately. As I said I literally don't have the energy for much more social activity because I'm expending so much just keeping those things hidden in my skull where they belong. It's gotten so bad I've been watching things I'd normally never watch just because I expect it to show murder victims, specifically, especially their blood. My pre-sleep meditation fantasies used to be about one-third thinking about people I care about, one-third opioidic phantasmagoria, and one-third violent. Now they're all violent, even when I'm stoned, which is damned rare lately, and beyond violent, into the completely indescribable even if I wanted to. Ideas I can't even believe I'm capable of generating, much less enjoying, circle in the depths of my mind during ( ... )

hidden in my skull where they belong hillbillie January 11 2007, 00:58:54 UTC

*Pbbbt!
They do not.
They belong spewing out of you via this-a-here keyboard, and into various and sundry files, to be printed out in hard copy.

Get crackin.

And I do widh you'd quit being "terrified"; it's a waste of time and utterly useless, anyway.
We know how to run, or will, if and when necessary.
In the meantime, care for thyself, John.