Short women in the audience: How do you feel about being called cute by friends? How do you tell when the affection borders on patronizing? In what context(s) is it okay
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Cute can and is a compliment, especially when it's interchangeable with "attractive" or "lookin' good." (Somehow I think "cute" is on a different level than "sexy.")
I get called "cute" occasionally, and usually find it awkward or irritating on some level, although I don't think it's ever been said to me with such an intent. When people call me "cute", I've generally assumed it means I'm acting younger than usual on some level, which is something that irks me. Even when I know that the term's meant affectionately, it makes me worry that I'm going to annoy someone else by being my own age or seeming even younger.
A bit of both, I guess. I worry that I'm annoying people in the same way that I worry I'm a tag-along by virtue of being younger than most of the people I spend time with. But that all ties into the larger Social Awkward Ahoy.
Shorter than youraisingirl5March 21 2007, 05:18:10 UTC
I get it a ton and I'm usually okay with it, but in romantic situations, it does feel like the eternal kiss on the forehead. I'd much rather be told that I'm beautiful in those situations.
Friends use it a lot which is fine and better than "squirt." Although, one time in college, a friend walked into my room and grabbed my hands and just started gushing over how small I am (5 feet). I felt awkward because honestly, I often forget how short I am. I feel completely normal :).
Re: Shorter than youknittinggoddessMarch 21 2007, 07:26:35 UTC
Girls you date call you cute? Seriously? Though, I'm trying to think of a term to describe behavior like that of Dana on the L-Word as she was crushing on the sous chef without using the word "cute."
I was at dinner with some friends, one of whom is my height, my bone structure and a good 10 lbs skinnier. I was playing with a stiff bracelet and that friend exclaimed over how skinny my wrists were. Like hers weren't? People are frequently grabbing my hands and comparing them to theirs.
I forget how short I am, too, even though I live with people who are well over 5'6".
Cute is a quicker catch-all word, and one that doesn't imply as much definite attraction as "she's sexy/pretty/hot." So maybe it's deemed safer for general usage, especially when talking about a friend or her date.
The term does grate on me only when it's in the same breath as words like "tiny," because then it's clearer that the usage is diminutive. Why would a taller woman be called cute in the diminutive way? She's obviously an adult, because she's reached grownup height. Meanwhile, some of us are shorter than middle schoolers, and even though we look physically mature, the line is...blurrier? All I know is that I rarely get carded anymore, so I don't think I look fifteen.
I don't think anyone in their right mind would call me short, but I have definitely gotten called cute by older friends and boyfriends who use it to mean young-acting... If that kind of speaks to what you're saying above. :-)
And I'm glad you don't mind my mom calling you "the short daughter [she] never had", because she honestly does feel that way.
And I apologize terribly for the gauche behavior of the men in my life. I had thought that I had them domesticated... clearly I don't.
What's a better term to mean young-acting? It totally does speak to what I mean, and is definitely not the complimentary usage. It could be complimentary, but it is still patronizing.
Though I really shouldn't talk, as I have realized I call people adorable when they're being dorky or silly. How is that not condescending?
I adore your mom.
Don't worry about that behavior, except you might want to muzzle them when we all come for the wedding. They'll be so surprised to see that you have more unbelievably short friends.
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Friends use it a lot which is fine and better than "squirt." Although, one time in college, a friend walked into my room and grabbed my hands and just started gushing over how small I am (5 feet). I felt awkward because honestly, I often forget how short I am. I feel completely normal :).
Reply
I was at dinner with some friends, one of whom is my height, my bone structure and a good 10 lbs skinnier. I was playing with a stiff bracelet and that friend exclaimed over how skinny my wrists were. Like hers weren't? People are frequently grabbing my hands and comparing them to theirs.
I forget how short I am, too, even though I live with people who are well over 5'6".
Reply
(The comment has been removed)
The term does grate on me only when it's in the same breath as words like "tiny," because then it's clearer that the usage is diminutive. Why would a taller woman be called cute in the diminutive way? She's obviously an adult, because she's reached grownup height. Meanwhile, some of us are shorter than middle schoolers, and even though we look physically mature, the line is...blurrier? All I know is that I rarely get carded anymore, so I don't think I look fifteen.
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And I'm glad you don't mind my mom calling you "the short daughter [she] never had", because she honestly does feel that way.
And I apologize terribly for the gauche behavior of the men in my life. I had thought that I had them domesticated... clearly I don't.
Reply
Though I really shouldn't talk, as I have realized I call people adorable when they're being dorky or silly. How is that not condescending?
I adore your mom.
Don't worry about that behavior, except you might want to muzzle them when we all come for the wedding. They'll be so surprised to see that you have more unbelievably short friends.
Reply
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