(no subject)
Fic #19: Confidence
Request: From the Shadows, Galen/Asher, prompt: pool party
Requested by: katz_chen
Length: 703
Rated: PG-13
Notes: I thought this one would be really easy ‘cause I would just do a short, cute fic. But then it got, like, serious. But good! So, uhm, enjoy?
Galen blinked. “No? What do you mean, no?”
Asher blinked back. “I thought it was pretty simple, really. No means no, I’m not going.”
“But . . .” Galen looked at him sorrowfully. “But it’s my birthday party,” he said. “It’s a pool party. There’ll be pizza and music and cake. How can you say no to all those things in one place?”
Asher rubbed his hand up and down one arm. “I’m not . . . saying no because I don’t want to go,” he said, avoiding his boyfriend’s gaze. “I just can’t, that’s all. All your other friends from school will be there.”
“Is that what this is about?” Galen asked, surprised. “Ash, you know, it’s not a big deal. They won’t say anything to you. I mean, it may be a little awkward at first, but I invited Spencer and Dawn, too, so you can hang out with them. I just, you know, want you there. For my birthday.”
“I . . . I just can’t,” Asher said. “I can’t risk one of them figuring out . . . what we are to each other. It’s not a big deal for you because you’re a jock and you’re hot and popular and everybody already likes you anyway. So if you come out of the closet, it’s not, like, a thing. I can’t do that. I already get beaten up once a week. You think I want to add homophobia to the already considerable list of reasons people will beat me up?”
“Oh, come on, people can’t beat you up anymore,” Galen said. “You’ve got mad faery skillz, remember?”
Asher did smile at that, but he still wouldn’t look at Galen. “But they’ll still try, and I’ll let them.”
“Let them? Ash, why - ”
“Because I won’t be able to stop myself.” Asher stared out into the distance. “Because their contempt for me is a living, breathing thing, and it, it gets under my skin and I can’t help but feel it. They make me feel it. And I feel their, their pleasure at being able to pick on someone small and weak and helpless, the way it puffs them all up inside and makes them feel strong and big and important. I can’t fight against that, Galen.”
Galen took a deep breath. “I thought that was getting better. You know, your lessons - ”
“It is getting better. But it’s not better yet.” Asher shook his head. “You’re leaving for college in two months. But I’m stuck here another two years. And then you won’t be here to protect me anymore. I can’t hide behind Spencer all the time. And it’ll be bad enough if they find out I’m gay - knowing I snagged the most popular boy in school? I might as well just beat myself up and save them all the trouble.”
“Look, the world sucks, I get that,” Galen said. “But I don’t like feeling like . . . you’re ashamed of what we are to each other.”
Asher blinked at him; the thought clearly hadn’t even occurred to him. “I love you,” he said, the words simple and the empathic presence behind them nearly overpowering.
“I know. I know, but . . .”
“Galen, if you want me to come to your college and walk around on your arm wearing a shirt saying ‘Galen’s boyfriend’, I’ll do that. I’d marry you today. But facing another two years of high school is already hard enough. I just can’t come out here. I can’t.” Asher looked up, finally meeting his gaze, and said in a small voice, “Please don’t make me.”
Galen sighed and pulled the younger teenager into a hug, cradling the smaller body against his own. “I would never make you do anything, least of all something as big as this. I just wish things were different. My eighteenth birthday, you know, it’s kind of a big deal. I wish you could be there for it.”
“I know.” Asher perked up. “Tell you what - how about I come over after the party? We can go night swimming and there’ll be moonlight and it’ll be all romantic and stuff.”
Galen was interested in this idea. “Can we have sex in the pool?”
Asher giggled. “That could probably be arranged.”
“Then yeah, I think I can live with that option.”