(no subject)
Well. As promised. Not proofread, because I am far too tired.
No FIG today. Probably tomorrow. My car broke down, so God only knows when/if I'm going to NY.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ever since I was old enough to know what death was, I knew that I was going to die on my eighteenth birthday. Oh, I know it doesn’t really make sense, to believe that I’m going to be killed by a dead man. I know that. I knew it then. But the threat was somehow very real; maybe because of the sheer animosity in his voice when he said it.
Just a simple fact. “I’m going to kill you.” No more words than that, none needed, not really. That was always enough.
What could I really do?
But now there’s Neil. And Neil says that he’s not going to let Him kill me. Which is . . . strange.
I’d really like to believe him.
Really, honestly.
Hope is a four-letter word.
So anyway, he says that if Daddy dearest is going to kill me, he’ll have to be corporeal. And then it’ll be two against one. Which I suppose is good logic. He also seems to have some idea, but I guess I’ll have to get that out of him later. He’s holding out for now.
It’s strange, but somehow I know that if I can live through my eighteenth birthday, I’ll be okay. He has to kill me on that day. I guess it’s because of whatever deal he made with whatever devil, to come back here and haunt me. Those were the terms: he will kill me on my eighteenth birthday.
Still, that’s an uncomfortable span of twenty-four hours to deal with.
It was after I said all that, that Neil came up with whatever plan he has. He looked all thoughtful, and he pressed me pretty hard about whether or not I was sure that it had to be that day. I said I was sure, and he seemed satisfied. I think I can probably guess at least some of what his plan is, but I’ll wait until he tells me. I’ll be patient.
I want to believe him.
I want it so much.
I’m just so scared.
^^^^
For the next few weeks, Neil paid special attention to everything the ghost said or did. He noticed that although the ghost did get annoyed when he and Rowan were physically affectionate together, what annoyed him the most was being ignored. He flew into rages if Neil managed to persuade Rowan into not reacting to whatever it was he was saying.
With this in mind, Neil constructed his plan. It was risky and had holes the size of Buicks, but it was all he had, and he was going to stick by it.
“Okay,” he said to Rowan. “I think I know how to do it.”
“Do what?” Rowan looked at him blankly. It was three weeks before his birthday. Neil had been spending so much time with him and thinking about the problem that he had been neglecting his classwork, which was going to be bad, given that finals were in two weeks. His last day of classes was the week before Rowan’s birthday.
“Keep you alive,” Neil said. “And if we’re lucky, get rid of the ghost in one fell swoop.”
He had taken quite a few precautions that they would not be overheard on this trip. First they had snuck out of Rowan’s bedroom fast enough to shut the ghost inside, then they had bolted down to the car and gone for a drive. This was standard, as far as Rowan was concerned, but Neil was very nervous about what could happen if the ghost overheard them.
“How?” Rowan asked, sounding a bit skeptical.
“We’re going to make a run for it,” Neil said decisively.
Rowan blinked at him. “That’s your plan?”
“No, really,” Neil said. “You’re the one who’s insisting that he has to kill you on your eighteenth birthday. No other day will suffice, which means we only need to worry about that one day. Your birthday is what, a Monday?” He waited for Rowan’s nod. “So on Saturday, we’ll do something to piss him off right royally. We can make out again. Then when he disappears, we’ll make a run for it. If we get far enough away, there’s no way he’ll catch up with us in time. You said that he has to obey the laws of physics - he has to actually travel, so he can’t just pop up wherever we are.”
“I don’t know,” Rowan said, sounding rather dubious.
“Okay, I know it has a lot of holes - but let’s fix them. I think we can make this work.”
“He’s not going to do something drastic enough to be gone for three days,” Rowan said. “He’s not stupid, Neil. He’ll know what we’re up to. Especially if we wait until Saturday.”
“Then let’s do it Friday,” Neil said. “My mom has a sister down in North Carolina - it’s really nice there, she owns this bed and breakfast in this tiny ocean town. There’s a big gap between her and Mom, and so she’s more of a cousin than an aunt to me. We’ll piss off the ghost, we’ll drive down there and stay a few days. It’s about a day and a half drive. If the ghost is gone two days, he’ll come back Sunday thinking he has plenty of time - but he won’t, because we won’t be there.”
“It’s still awfully chancy,” Rowan said, but his voice held less doubt. “What are you going to tell my parents?”
“I’m not sure I can tell them anything,” Neil said. “If we plan it, they’ll have questions - they might give us away by accident, if the ghost overhears. No, it’s safer if we just take off.”
“Are you kidding?” Rowan asked. “They’d never let you speak to me again if you just took off with me. And I don’t think we can spring it on them suddenly, either. They’re going to take a lot of convincing as it is, to let their seventeen year old son waltz off for an extended vacation with his boyfriend.”
“I know, I know,” Neil said. “But if my mom will vouch for me, I think she can talk them into it . . .”
“What are you going to tell her?” Rowan asked.
Neil shrugged. “The truth.”
Rowan blinked at him. “Uhm, why does that strike me as a hideously bad idea?”
Neil laughed. “It’s okay. Mom knows what’s going on, she believes me about this stuff. In fact, she helped talk me into believing it while I was still confused. She believes in ghosts and everything. So I think if I just explain everything to her, she’ll help us however she can.”
“Lucky,” Rowan said. “But there’s still the problem of how to keep my parents discussing it in front of the ghost.”
“I still say we could just go.” Neil reached over and touched Rowan’s cheek. “I would do anything to keep from losing you,” he said softly. “Being ostracized by your parents doesn’t seem like that big a deal in the grand scheme of things.”
“Maybe not to you,” Rowan said stubbornly. “But I love my parents. There’s got to be a better way.”
They sat in silence for a long minute.
“Hey, I know!” Rowan said suddenly. “Just don’t tell me!”
Neil blinked. “Excuse me?”
“Make the trip a surprise birthday present! If my parents think I don’t know about it, they’ll be extra careful to make sure I’m not around when they discuss it - and that means the ghost won’t be either, because he always, always sticks with me.”
Neil slowly started to smile. “That’s a good idea,” he said. “No, it’s a great idea.”
Rowan smiled shyly. “Okay . . . but you know that it’s still really risky, right?”
“I know,” Neil said. “But it’s the only plan I’ve got, so I’m going with it.”
^^^^
With three weeks before Rowan’s birthday, they put the plan into action. Neil was staying up late doing his studying, devoting the days to spend with Rowan. He explained everything to his mother, right down to the last detail, in order to win her over.
“This is not going to be easy,” she said skeptically. “I’ll call Leigh; I’m sure she’ll be okay with you guys staying for a few days. But convincing Rowan’s parents to let you go will be damn near impossible. He’s not exactly stable, you know.”
“I know, I know,” Neil said. “That’s why I need your help. He’s been doing really well this past month, but they’ll need another rational adult in the mix before they’ll let me take off with him, I know. Do you have any better ideas?”
She was forced to admit that she did not.
“Then help me,” Neil urged. “Mom, I - I can’t lose him again.”
Judy pushed her hair out of her face. “I can’t believe that I’m taking your word on all of this - much less believing it myself. If not for the fact that I can’t think of an earthly reason for you to lie - well, there it is.”
“You said you believed in ghosts,” Neil said. “Hell, you talked me into believing in it.”
“This is a lot more than ghosts, Neil,” Judy said. “This is past lives, shared dreams, and a ghost who made some sort of pact with some sort of demon to come back. You’re stretching even my credibility.”
“Mom, why would I lie?”
“I don’t think you are - I suppose I’m just a little worried that Rowan’s delusions are contagious,” Judy admitted. She saw Neil open his mouth to protest, and held up her hand to forestall him. “No, don’t say anything. I want you to think about this, Neil. What are the chances that you - ”
“Mom!” Neil interrupted. “He threw Rowan across the room! I saw him! I can still see him! What am I supposed to do to make you believe me?”
“Look, calm down,” Judy said. “I didn’t say I didn’t believe you, I said I can’t believe I do. I’ll call Leigh and talk it over with her, and I’ll talk to Rowan’s parents and see if I can set it up with them. I think it might be better if you weren’t there - that way I can pitch it as something you’d really like to do and I decided on my own to intercede on your behalf. If you’re sitting there as a reminder of their baby boy’s loss of virtue, it probably won’t go as well.”
Neil relaxed. “Thanks a million. I knew I could count on you. When can you try it?”
She sighed. “Give me until tomorrow to think up a game plan. Take Rowan out to the movies.”
“Thanks,” Neil said. “Although I think I’ll take a pass on the movies. The weather’s nice enough that maybe we’ll just go to a park instead.”
“You know,” Judy said dryly, “if you allow yourself to be traumatized by movie theaters the rest of your life, you’re going to miss some great entertainment.”
“I’ll work on it,” Neil replied.
^^^^
“So what did you want to talk to us about, Judy?” Amy asked, setting down three mugs of coffee onto the table. Neil had come over and abducted Rowan for ‘a romantic stroll in the park’, much to Rowan’s glee - and he had been sure, for once, to be just slow enough to allow the ghost to accompany them.
“Well, Neil mentioned that Rowan’s birthday is coming up,” Judy said, stirring sugar into her coffee.
“Yes, he’s going to be eighteen.” Amy smiled, practically glowing with pleasure. If you had asked her three years before if Rowan was going to make it to eighteen, her answer would have been ambivalent. She was thrilled that the family had made it so far intact. “Why do you bring it up?”
“It’s sort of a funny story,” Judy said, hoping to disarm them early. “Neil had been talking about going down to North Carolina to visit my sister Leigh after he finished finals this year. Leigh’s nearly fifteen years younger than me, so she and Neil are only six years apart. Since he grew up down there, she and Neil are almost like siblings.”
Amy nodded a little, waiting to see where Judy was going with this. Jack just looked on curiously.
“Neil mentioned the other day that he wished he could bring Rowan with him, sort of as a birthday present,” Judy said. “I don’t think he was actually going to ask you, so I thought I’d come see what you thought of the idea.”
“Oh, Judy,” Amy said, clearly disapproving. “It would be nice if Rowan could go, but . . . I’m not sure it’s really within the realm of possibility.”
“Let’s not dismiss it out of hand, though,” Jack said suddenly. “We know that a change in surroundings for a few days can do Rowan a lot of good. That’s why I like to take him camping and stuff. This trip isn’t a bad idea, it’s just got a few glitches. Maybe we can work them out.”
Judy breathed a slight sigh of relief, glad that Jack was going to be her ally. “I can assure you that Neil’s very responsible,” she said, hoping this would help.
“I know,” Amy said. “I don’t mean to say that he’s not. It’s just . . . Rowan’s still only a teenager, it’s a little young to be letting him make week long trips with his boyfriend . . .”
Jack snorted. “Hon, if Rowan and Neil wanted to do anything, they would have by now. We don’t exactly keep a tight leash on them. I don’t think letting them go to North Carolina will change that.”
“Jack,” Amy said, annoyed.
“Look, hon,” Jack said, raising his hands in surrender. “Rowan’s a smart kid. He knows about condoms and STDs and all that stuff. I gave him The Talk. And quite frankly, he’s smart enough that if they want to have sex, they will. It’s not like we’ll be encouraging them by letting them do this. We let David go on that summer camping trip with his friend Jason in Illinois . . .”
“There was an adult along!” Amy protested.
“Not really,” Jack said. “Only Jason’s older brother, who’s a year younger than Neil is.”
“Still,” Amy said. “They didn’t go more than a few hours’ drive . . . and honey, you know that’s not really what this is about. Rowan’s not . . . he’s not just somebody that can make trips like this. He’s not . . . stable enough.”
“Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t,” Jack said. “But face it, Amy, Neil handles him better when he’s having a fit than either of us ever have. If something goes wrong, I think Neil will be able to take care of it.” When it looked like Amy was going to protest again, Jack cut her off. “Hon, he needs a little freedom. Half of why he’s so depressed is because he can’t do stuff like this. He’s been good lately - that new med seems to be doing pretty well for him. Let’s let him get a little fresh air and freedom and see what that does for him. What’s the worst that could happen?”
Amy arched an eyebrow at her husband. “He’ll kill himself and we won’t be there to stop him?”
“Okay, okay, but what are the odds? He’s been better these past few weeks than I’ve ever seen him, and besides, Neil can gauge his moods just as well as we can. Neil will know when he shouldn’t let him out of his sight.”
“God, Jack, you make Neil sound like Moses,” Amy said irritably. “He’s not infallible.”
“No, but he is good for Rowan,” Jack said. “You know he is. Compare Rowan of his seventeenth birthday to Rowan of now, and you’ll see how much better as he is, and we both know that most of that change was because of Neil. It’s not because of the new place or the meds or any of that - it’s because he has someone who loves him.”
“We love him,” Amy retorted.
“We’re his parents, hon, we’re required to - at least that’s how Rowan sees it. Neil is someone who cares about him voluntarily - the first person who ever has.”
Amy sighed. “I just . . . I just get nervous when I think of him going so far away,” she admitted.
“Me too,” Jack said. “But the fact is that he has to learn sometime, or he’s going to be living with us the rest of his life, and that’s going to make him miserable. He’s old enough that he can handle a week’s vacation - hell, if his circumstances were different, he’d be going off to college in the fall and we’d have no control over his life whatsoever. Better to take it slow, start with a week with someone that can take care of him. He has to learn independence, Amy. You know that.”
“I know.” Amy sighed again and looked at Judy, who had been sitting there silently, feeling like an intruder upon their conversation. “Well, we’ll think about it,” she finally said. “We’ll talk it over and let you know in a couple days.”
“Okay,” Judy said. “Just be sure not to mention it where Rowan can hear, okay? I think Neil had intended it be a surprise.”
“Oh, believe me,” Amy said fervently. “Rowan won’t get wind of it from us. Partly because I don’t want to ruin the surprise, and partly because if he finds out that we decided to not let him go, he’d throw a fit. We’ll keep the secret.”
Judy smiled. “Thanks. I’ll tell Neil that you’re thinking about it. I’m sure that’s more than he hoped for.”
^^^^
Neil waited for the answer in maddening silence. He knew that he didn’t dare bring it up, because Rowan’s parents would get nervous if he pushed for an answer - particularly since he wasn’t supposed to have been the one asking in the first place. He couldn’t even discuss it with Rowan, out of petrifying fear that the ghost would figure out what they were up to.
“Relax,” Judy said, when she caught her son wearing a track in the kitchen floor. “This is a big step for them. They’ve never let Rowan do anything even remotely like this before. You have to give them time.”
Neil squeaked a little. “We don’t have that much time!”
“Relax, relax,” Judy repeated. “It’s going to be okay. If we pressure them, they’ll only decide against it. It’s all set up with Leigh, so don’t worry about it.”
“Don’t worry?” Neil asked, appalled at the very idea. “Mom! If this doesn’t work, I’m going to have to come up with some other plan off the fly! This God damn ghost is smarter than you’re giving him credit for! I’ve got to know what I’m doing if I’m going to keep Rowan safe from him!”
“I understand,” Judy said. “At least as much as I can. But you yourself admitted that this is the best plan you have. Jack will talk Amy into it. You just have to give him a few more days.”
Neil knew that further arguing would only annoy his mother, so he waited out the days in silence, driving her crazy with his endless pacing and worrying.
Still, all things considered, he thought he was holding it together fairly well. He went over to Rowan’s at every available opportunity - even bringing over his homework when he didn’t have time to do it otherwise. He took care to make out with Rowan a lot (not that this was a tough chore) so the ghost wouldn’t get suspicious when he used it as a diversion later. Rowan seemed to have absolutely no objection to this.
Sometimes, when things went a little further than he had intended, he could feel the way Rowan wanted him - memories of their last life washed over the both of them with an intensity that was hard to deny. But always, just when he started to worry about exactly how many pieces Amy would bring him home in, the ghost spoke up, or knocked something over.
He was, Neil commented dryly, amazingly bad for the libido.
Rowan just giggled and said they should see if they could bottle him and sell him as birth control.
In retrospect, Neil understood Rowan better now than he had ever thought he would. Most of the hallucinations he had were some form of reality. It was as if, Neil postulated, Rowan’s ghostly father was holding the door that led to the afterworld open just a crack. The voices Rowan heard were not of his imagination - they were simply other ghosts. He wasn’t crazy - merely sensitive to things most people could not see or hear.
However, after a sobering month of enduring what Rowan had endured his whole life, Neil knew that Rowan was anything but sane. The ghost plagued him, picking his shaky self-confidence to pieces every time it looked like Rowan might be getting on his feet. He knew exactly what buttons to push and how hard to push them - and the worst thing, Neil knew, was that Rowan could not react. As long as he was in anyone other than Neil’s company, he had to ignore the ghost as best he could.
Small wonder that he had tried to kill himself, Neil thought. After less than a month, Neil was ready to tear his own hair out, and the bulk of the commentary wasn’t even directed at him.
He had nearly slipped up a few, vital times, but he had always caught himself; more accurately, Rowan had usually caught him. A sharp squeeze of his hand or a brief kiss always reminded Neil to keep silent. He realized now that the few times he had seen Rowan react to the ghost (and they were very few, in comparison to how often they both wanted to react) were when he simply couldn’t take it anymore.
Neil also guessed that a large part of Rowan’s problems stemmed from the fact that he had been, for most of his life, taking unnecessary psychiatric medication. He knew that some of the stronger anti-psychotics and anti-hallucinogens that Rowan had been prescribed could have bad enough effects on someone that was hallucinating. He didn’t have a clue what it would do to someone who wasn’t.
In short, between the ghost’s comments, wondering what they were going to do, his rapidly approaching finals, and the fact that the one decent stress reliever he had always indulged in was no longer a possibility, Neil was on the verge of another breakdown by the time Amy called and said that she and Jack thought the trip to North Carolina was a good idea.
Neil could read between the lines; he knew that Amy thought no such thing. However, Jack was whole-heartedly for it, and had somehow convinced his wife to allow it.
He told Amy that he was going to tell Rowan Saturday evening, and then they would probably leave Sunday. That put one ghost-ectomy for Saturday afternoon. Then he promised them that Rowan would call every day.
Amy said, “He better, bucko,” and hung up.
Neil let out a few whooping cheers and danced around the room. He made a mental note to find out something Jack really liked, and get him a lot of it when Christmas rolled around. He owed the man a lot more than he was ever going to find out.
They had cut it very close, but he allowed himself a sigh of relief.
With five days before Rowan’s birthday, they put the plan into action.
^^^^
No FIG today. Probably tomorrow. My car broke down, so God only knows when/if I'm going to NY.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ever since I was old enough to know what death was, I knew that I was going to die on my eighteenth birthday. Oh, I know it doesn’t really make sense, to believe that I’m going to be killed by a dead man. I know that. I knew it then. But the threat was somehow very real; maybe because of the sheer animosity in his voice when he said it.
Just a simple fact. “I’m going to kill you.” No more words than that, none needed, not really. That was always enough.
What could I really do?
But now there’s Neil. And Neil says that he’s not going to let Him kill me. Which is . . . strange.
I’d really like to believe him.
Really, honestly.
Hope is a four-letter word.
So anyway, he says that if Daddy dearest is going to kill me, he’ll have to be corporeal. And then it’ll be two against one. Which I suppose is good logic. He also seems to have some idea, but I guess I’ll have to get that out of him later. He’s holding out for now.
It’s strange, but somehow I know that if I can live through my eighteenth birthday, I’ll be okay. He has to kill me on that day. I guess it’s because of whatever deal he made with whatever devil, to come back here and haunt me. Those were the terms: he will kill me on my eighteenth birthday.
Still, that’s an uncomfortable span of twenty-four hours to deal with.
It was after I said all that, that Neil came up with whatever plan he has. He looked all thoughtful, and he pressed me pretty hard about whether or not I was sure that it had to be that day. I said I was sure, and he seemed satisfied. I think I can probably guess at least some of what his plan is, but I’ll wait until he tells me. I’ll be patient.
I want to believe him.
I want it so much.
I’m just so scared.
^^^^
For the next few weeks, Neil paid special attention to everything the ghost said or did. He noticed that although the ghost did get annoyed when he and Rowan were physically affectionate together, what annoyed him the most was being ignored. He flew into rages if Neil managed to persuade Rowan into not reacting to whatever it was he was saying.
With this in mind, Neil constructed his plan. It was risky and had holes the size of Buicks, but it was all he had, and he was going to stick by it.
“Okay,” he said to Rowan. “I think I know how to do it.”
“Do what?” Rowan looked at him blankly. It was three weeks before his birthday. Neil had been spending so much time with him and thinking about the problem that he had been neglecting his classwork, which was going to be bad, given that finals were in two weeks. His last day of classes was the week before Rowan’s birthday.
“Keep you alive,” Neil said. “And if we’re lucky, get rid of the ghost in one fell swoop.”
He had taken quite a few precautions that they would not be overheard on this trip. First they had snuck out of Rowan’s bedroom fast enough to shut the ghost inside, then they had bolted down to the car and gone for a drive. This was standard, as far as Rowan was concerned, but Neil was very nervous about what could happen if the ghost overheard them.
“How?” Rowan asked, sounding a bit skeptical.
“We’re going to make a run for it,” Neil said decisively.
Rowan blinked at him. “That’s your plan?”
“No, really,” Neil said. “You’re the one who’s insisting that he has to kill you on your eighteenth birthday. No other day will suffice, which means we only need to worry about that one day. Your birthday is what, a Monday?” He waited for Rowan’s nod. “So on Saturday, we’ll do something to piss him off right royally. We can make out again. Then when he disappears, we’ll make a run for it. If we get far enough away, there’s no way he’ll catch up with us in time. You said that he has to obey the laws of physics - he has to actually travel, so he can’t just pop up wherever we are.”
“I don’t know,” Rowan said, sounding rather dubious.
“Okay, I know it has a lot of holes - but let’s fix them. I think we can make this work.”
“He’s not going to do something drastic enough to be gone for three days,” Rowan said. “He’s not stupid, Neil. He’ll know what we’re up to. Especially if we wait until Saturday.”
“Then let’s do it Friday,” Neil said. “My mom has a sister down in North Carolina - it’s really nice there, she owns this bed and breakfast in this tiny ocean town. There’s a big gap between her and Mom, and so she’s more of a cousin than an aunt to me. We’ll piss off the ghost, we’ll drive down there and stay a few days. It’s about a day and a half drive. If the ghost is gone two days, he’ll come back Sunday thinking he has plenty of time - but he won’t, because we won’t be there.”
“It’s still awfully chancy,” Rowan said, but his voice held less doubt. “What are you going to tell my parents?”
“I’m not sure I can tell them anything,” Neil said. “If we plan it, they’ll have questions - they might give us away by accident, if the ghost overhears. No, it’s safer if we just take off.”
“Are you kidding?” Rowan asked. “They’d never let you speak to me again if you just took off with me. And I don’t think we can spring it on them suddenly, either. They’re going to take a lot of convincing as it is, to let their seventeen year old son waltz off for an extended vacation with his boyfriend.”
“I know, I know,” Neil said. “But if my mom will vouch for me, I think she can talk them into it . . .”
“What are you going to tell her?” Rowan asked.
Neil shrugged. “The truth.”
Rowan blinked at him. “Uhm, why does that strike me as a hideously bad idea?”
Neil laughed. “It’s okay. Mom knows what’s going on, she believes me about this stuff. In fact, she helped talk me into believing it while I was still confused. She believes in ghosts and everything. So I think if I just explain everything to her, she’ll help us however she can.”
“Lucky,” Rowan said. “But there’s still the problem of how to keep my parents discussing it in front of the ghost.”
“I still say we could just go.” Neil reached over and touched Rowan’s cheek. “I would do anything to keep from losing you,” he said softly. “Being ostracized by your parents doesn’t seem like that big a deal in the grand scheme of things.”
“Maybe not to you,” Rowan said stubbornly. “But I love my parents. There’s got to be a better way.”
They sat in silence for a long minute.
“Hey, I know!” Rowan said suddenly. “Just don’t tell me!”
Neil blinked. “Excuse me?”
“Make the trip a surprise birthday present! If my parents think I don’t know about it, they’ll be extra careful to make sure I’m not around when they discuss it - and that means the ghost won’t be either, because he always, always sticks with me.”
Neil slowly started to smile. “That’s a good idea,” he said. “No, it’s a great idea.”
Rowan smiled shyly. “Okay . . . but you know that it’s still really risky, right?”
“I know,” Neil said. “But it’s the only plan I’ve got, so I’m going with it.”
^^^^
With three weeks before Rowan’s birthday, they put the plan into action. Neil was staying up late doing his studying, devoting the days to spend with Rowan. He explained everything to his mother, right down to the last detail, in order to win her over.
“This is not going to be easy,” she said skeptically. “I’ll call Leigh; I’m sure she’ll be okay with you guys staying for a few days. But convincing Rowan’s parents to let you go will be damn near impossible. He’s not exactly stable, you know.”
“I know, I know,” Neil said. “That’s why I need your help. He’s been doing really well this past month, but they’ll need another rational adult in the mix before they’ll let me take off with him, I know. Do you have any better ideas?”
She was forced to admit that she did not.
“Then help me,” Neil urged. “Mom, I - I can’t lose him again.”
Judy pushed her hair out of her face. “I can’t believe that I’m taking your word on all of this - much less believing it myself. If not for the fact that I can’t think of an earthly reason for you to lie - well, there it is.”
“You said you believed in ghosts,” Neil said. “Hell, you talked me into believing in it.”
“This is a lot more than ghosts, Neil,” Judy said. “This is past lives, shared dreams, and a ghost who made some sort of pact with some sort of demon to come back. You’re stretching even my credibility.”
“Mom, why would I lie?”
“I don’t think you are - I suppose I’m just a little worried that Rowan’s delusions are contagious,” Judy admitted. She saw Neil open his mouth to protest, and held up her hand to forestall him. “No, don’t say anything. I want you to think about this, Neil. What are the chances that you - ”
“Mom!” Neil interrupted. “He threw Rowan across the room! I saw him! I can still see him! What am I supposed to do to make you believe me?”
“Look, calm down,” Judy said. “I didn’t say I didn’t believe you, I said I can’t believe I do. I’ll call Leigh and talk it over with her, and I’ll talk to Rowan’s parents and see if I can set it up with them. I think it might be better if you weren’t there - that way I can pitch it as something you’d really like to do and I decided on my own to intercede on your behalf. If you’re sitting there as a reminder of their baby boy’s loss of virtue, it probably won’t go as well.”
Neil relaxed. “Thanks a million. I knew I could count on you. When can you try it?”
She sighed. “Give me until tomorrow to think up a game plan. Take Rowan out to the movies.”
“Thanks,” Neil said. “Although I think I’ll take a pass on the movies. The weather’s nice enough that maybe we’ll just go to a park instead.”
“You know,” Judy said dryly, “if you allow yourself to be traumatized by movie theaters the rest of your life, you’re going to miss some great entertainment.”
“I’ll work on it,” Neil replied.
^^^^
“So what did you want to talk to us about, Judy?” Amy asked, setting down three mugs of coffee onto the table. Neil had come over and abducted Rowan for ‘a romantic stroll in the park’, much to Rowan’s glee - and he had been sure, for once, to be just slow enough to allow the ghost to accompany them.
“Well, Neil mentioned that Rowan’s birthday is coming up,” Judy said, stirring sugar into her coffee.
“Yes, he’s going to be eighteen.” Amy smiled, practically glowing with pleasure. If you had asked her three years before if Rowan was going to make it to eighteen, her answer would have been ambivalent. She was thrilled that the family had made it so far intact. “Why do you bring it up?”
“It’s sort of a funny story,” Judy said, hoping to disarm them early. “Neil had been talking about going down to North Carolina to visit my sister Leigh after he finished finals this year. Leigh’s nearly fifteen years younger than me, so she and Neil are only six years apart. Since he grew up down there, she and Neil are almost like siblings.”
Amy nodded a little, waiting to see where Judy was going with this. Jack just looked on curiously.
“Neil mentioned the other day that he wished he could bring Rowan with him, sort of as a birthday present,” Judy said. “I don’t think he was actually going to ask you, so I thought I’d come see what you thought of the idea.”
“Oh, Judy,” Amy said, clearly disapproving. “It would be nice if Rowan could go, but . . . I’m not sure it’s really within the realm of possibility.”
“Let’s not dismiss it out of hand, though,” Jack said suddenly. “We know that a change in surroundings for a few days can do Rowan a lot of good. That’s why I like to take him camping and stuff. This trip isn’t a bad idea, it’s just got a few glitches. Maybe we can work them out.”
Judy breathed a slight sigh of relief, glad that Jack was going to be her ally. “I can assure you that Neil’s very responsible,” she said, hoping this would help.
“I know,” Amy said. “I don’t mean to say that he’s not. It’s just . . . Rowan’s still only a teenager, it’s a little young to be letting him make week long trips with his boyfriend . . .”
Jack snorted. “Hon, if Rowan and Neil wanted to do anything, they would have by now. We don’t exactly keep a tight leash on them. I don’t think letting them go to North Carolina will change that.”
“Jack,” Amy said, annoyed.
“Look, hon,” Jack said, raising his hands in surrender. “Rowan’s a smart kid. He knows about condoms and STDs and all that stuff. I gave him The Talk. And quite frankly, he’s smart enough that if they want to have sex, they will. It’s not like we’ll be encouraging them by letting them do this. We let David go on that summer camping trip with his friend Jason in Illinois . . .”
“There was an adult along!” Amy protested.
“Not really,” Jack said. “Only Jason’s older brother, who’s a year younger than Neil is.”
“Still,” Amy said. “They didn’t go more than a few hours’ drive . . . and honey, you know that’s not really what this is about. Rowan’s not . . . he’s not just somebody that can make trips like this. He’s not . . . stable enough.”
“Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t,” Jack said. “But face it, Amy, Neil handles him better when he’s having a fit than either of us ever have. If something goes wrong, I think Neil will be able to take care of it.” When it looked like Amy was going to protest again, Jack cut her off. “Hon, he needs a little freedom. Half of why he’s so depressed is because he can’t do stuff like this. He’s been good lately - that new med seems to be doing pretty well for him. Let’s let him get a little fresh air and freedom and see what that does for him. What’s the worst that could happen?”
Amy arched an eyebrow at her husband. “He’ll kill himself and we won’t be there to stop him?”
“Okay, okay, but what are the odds? He’s been better these past few weeks than I’ve ever seen him, and besides, Neil can gauge his moods just as well as we can. Neil will know when he shouldn’t let him out of his sight.”
“God, Jack, you make Neil sound like Moses,” Amy said irritably. “He’s not infallible.”
“No, but he is good for Rowan,” Jack said. “You know he is. Compare Rowan of his seventeenth birthday to Rowan of now, and you’ll see how much better as he is, and we both know that most of that change was because of Neil. It’s not because of the new place or the meds or any of that - it’s because he has someone who loves him.”
“We love him,” Amy retorted.
“We’re his parents, hon, we’re required to - at least that’s how Rowan sees it. Neil is someone who cares about him voluntarily - the first person who ever has.”
Amy sighed. “I just . . . I just get nervous when I think of him going so far away,” she admitted.
“Me too,” Jack said. “But the fact is that he has to learn sometime, or he’s going to be living with us the rest of his life, and that’s going to make him miserable. He’s old enough that he can handle a week’s vacation - hell, if his circumstances were different, he’d be going off to college in the fall and we’d have no control over his life whatsoever. Better to take it slow, start with a week with someone that can take care of him. He has to learn independence, Amy. You know that.”
“I know.” Amy sighed again and looked at Judy, who had been sitting there silently, feeling like an intruder upon their conversation. “Well, we’ll think about it,” she finally said. “We’ll talk it over and let you know in a couple days.”
“Okay,” Judy said. “Just be sure not to mention it where Rowan can hear, okay? I think Neil had intended it be a surprise.”
“Oh, believe me,” Amy said fervently. “Rowan won’t get wind of it from us. Partly because I don’t want to ruin the surprise, and partly because if he finds out that we decided to not let him go, he’d throw a fit. We’ll keep the secret.”
Judy smiled. “Thanks. I’ll tell Neil that you’re thinking about it. I’m sure that’s more than he hoped for.”
^^^^
Neil waited for the answer in maddening silence. He knew that he didn’t dare bring it up, because Rowan’s parents would get nervous if he pushed for an answer - particularly since he wasn’t supposed to have been the one asking in the first place. He couldn’t even discuss it with Rowan, out of petrifying fear that the ghost would figure out what they were up to.
“Relax,” Judy said, when she caught her son wearing a track in the kitchen floor. “This is a big step for them. They’ve never let Rowan do anything even remotely like this before. You have to give them time.”
Neil squeaked a little. “We don’t have that much time!”
“Relax, relax,” Judy repeated. “It’s going to be okay. If we pressure them, they’ll only decide against it. It’s all set up with Leigh, so don’t worry about it.”
“Don’t worry?” Neil asked, appalled at the very idea. “Mom! If this doesn’t work, I’m going to have to come up with some other plan off the fly! This God damn ghost is smarter than you’re giving him credit for! I’ve got to know what I’m doing if I’m going to keep Rowan safe from him!”
“I understand,” Judy said. “At least as much as I can. But you yourself admitted that this is the best plan you have. Jack will talk Amy into it. You just have to give him a few more days.”
Neil knew that further arguing would only annoy his mother, so he waited out the days in silence, driving her crazy with his endless pacing and worrying.
Still, all things considered, he thought he was holding it together fairly well. He went over to Rowan’s at every available opportunity - even bringing over his homework when he didn’t have time to do it otherwise. He took care to make out with Rowan a lot (not that this was a tough chore) so the ghost wouldn’t get suspicious when he used it as a diversion later. Rowan seemed to have absolutely no objection to this.
Sometimes, when things went a little further than he had intended, he could feel the way Rowan wanted him - memories of their last life washed over the both of them with an intensity that was hard to deny. But always, just when he started to worry about exactly how many pieces Amy would bring him home in, the ghost spoke up, or knocked something over.
He was, Neil commented dryly, amazingly bad for the libido.
Rowan just giggled and said they should see if they could bottle him and sell him as birth control.
In retrospect, Neil understood Rowan better now than he had ever thought he would. Most of the hallucinations he had were some form of reality. It was as if, Neil postulated, Rowan’s ghostly father was holding the door that led to the afterworld open just a crack. The voices Rowan heard were not of his imagination - they were simply other ghosts. He wasn’t crazy - merely sensitive to things most people could not see or hear.
However, after a sobering month of enduring what Rowan had endured his whole life, Neil knew that Rowan was anything but sane. The ghost plagued him, picking his shaky self-confidence to pieces every time it looked like Rowan might be getting on his feet. He knew exactly what buttons to push and how hard to push them - and the worst thing, Neil knew, was that Rowan could not react. As long as he was in anyone other than Neil’s company, he had to ignore the ghost as best he could.
Small wonder that he had tried to kill himself, Neil thought. After less than a month, Neil was ready to tear his own hair out, and the bulk of the commentary wasn’t even directed at him.
He had nearly slipped up a few, vital times, but he had always caught himself; more accurately, Rowan had usually caught him. A sharp squeeze of his hand or a brief kiss always reminded Neil to keep silent. He realized now that the few times he had seen Rowan react to the ghost (and they were very few, in comparison to how often they both wanted to react) were when he simply couldn’t take it anymore.
Neil also guessed that a large part of Rowan’s problems stemmed from the fact that he had been, for most of his life, taking unnecessary psychiatric medication. He knew that some of the stronger anti-psychotics and anti-hallucinogens that Rowan had been prescribed could have bad enough effects on someone that was hallucinating. He didn’t have a clue what it would do to someone who wasn’t.
In short, between the ghost’s comments, wondering what they were going to do, his rapidly approaching finals, and the fact that the one decent stress reliever he had always indulged in was no longer a possibility, Neil was on the verge of another breakdown by the time Amy called and said that she and Jack thought the trip to North Carolina was a good idea.
Neil could read between the lines; he knew that Amy thought no such thing. However, Jack was whole-heartedly for it, and had somehow convinced his wife to allow it.
He told Amy that he was going to tell Rowan Saturday evening, and then they would probably leave Sunday. That put one ghost-ectomy for Saturday afternoon. Then he promised them that Rowan would call every day.
Amy said, “He better, bucko,” and hung up.
Neil let out a few whooping cheers and danced around the room. He made a mental note to find out something Jack really liked, and get him a lot of it when Christmas rolled around. He owed the man a lot more than he was ever going to find out.
They had cut it very close, but he allowed himself a sigh of relief.
With five days before Rowan’s birthday, they put the plan into action.
^^^^