(no subject)

[knkfics]

Well, I finally finished this part up! I only had to work on it for three months...



Preparing for his ‘date’ was one of the more complicated things that Brendan had ever done in his life. Everything had to be perfect, in his particular opinion. His mother, naturally, wanted him to dress nicely. Brendan balked at the idea, and reminded her that the Museum of Science was a casual affair and that he’d be on his feet all day. At this, she subsided, but still insisted on inspecting him before he left.

That was the easy part. Brendan stared into his closet and wondered why, after having seen Lucian dozens of time over the past few months, he suddenly could not figure out what to wear. He owned too many clothes. Most of the time that he had seen Lucian, he had been dressed in what his mother put him in, or the uniform of the boy’s prep school he had attended. He realized it was the first time he was going to see Lucian that he was actually choosing his own outfit.

The realization didn’t make it any easier. He took out a pair of jeans, then discarded it, knowing his mother would reject it as not nice enough for a date, even a casual one. He took a deep breath, then reached for a pair of khakis. He changed his mind before they were even off the hanger. Too much like what Lucian had always seen him in.

Finally, he settled on a pair of black corduroys. They were worn enough to be comfortable, but not so worn that his mother wouldn’t let him wear them out of the house. And he liked them; he thought they made him look good. He banged his head against the wall. “I can’t believe I’m spending this much time selecting clothing,” he muttered to himself.

“Having fun?” Monica drawled from the doorway.

“Shut up, Monica,” Brendan said, without even looking over at her. He perused his selection of sweaters. One of them had to be suitable. Really. Except that he would overheat in about five seconds. He ground his teeth in frustration.

“You must really have a crush on this girl,” Monica said. “I’ve never seen anyone take so long to select clothing before in my entire life.”

“Oh, give me a break,” Brendan said. “You’d still be back on what shampoo to use. You wouldn’t make it to actual clothing for another hour and a half.” He pulled a shirt out of his closet at random, then made a face to himself and dropped it on the floor. How did such a horrible purple creation even get in his closet?

“Try dark green,” Monica said mildly. “It’ll bring out the blue of your eyes.”

“Oh, shut - ” Brendan got that far before realizing it was an honest suggestion - and not a half bad one, at that. “Huh,” he said, and started riffling through his closet again. He pulled out a bulky green sweater. “Much too hot,” he said to himself, and kept looking. A green T-shirt with a logo he didn’t recognize. “Too casual,” he muttered to himself. Finally, in the bottom of his drawers, he found a long-sleeved shirt that was dark green. The fabric was soft and a little stretchy, so it wouldn’t be too hot, he didn’t think. He pulled it over his head and combed his hair out of his face. “I think this used to be yours,” he said to Monica, trying to get comfortable in the odd fabric.

“Must have been,” Monica said. “You look queer.”

“Only if I wore eyeliner,” Brendan returned. He studied himself in the mirror and thought that he liked the effect. The shirt was a little tight on him, but not so much that it screamed slut. The fabric was flexible and felt nice against his skin. He felt a blush rising to his cheeks and wondered if he really looked gay.

“I think he looks nice,” Anna said from the doorway, smiling shyly at her older brother.

“Thanks, kiddo.” Brendan ran a brush through his hair quickly and pulled on his sneakers. He paused over his glasses, then decided to take them with him, and just not wear them unless he and Lucian did some editing. He took a deep breath. “How do I look?” he asked.

“Surprisingly good,” Monica admitted grudgingly.

“You look pretty,” Anna said.

Brendan winced. “Thanks, Anna,” he said, and went downstairs. His mother was waiting, tapping her foot impatiently.

“What are you wearing?” she asked in horror.

“One of Monica’s shirts,” Brendan replied imperturbably, putting his wallet in his back pocket and taking the keys to the old Subaru he drove off the hook in the front closet. “I didn’t have any I liked. See you tonight.”

“Brendan, come back - ” Elise blinked as Brendan shut the front door in her face. “here.”

“It’s no good, Mom,” Monica said, sidling through. “The boy’s in love.”

~~~~

“You nervous?” Lina asked, as they walked down the street from the science museum into the nearby mall. Lina was meeting Jimmy there, and Brendan was leaving to take the subway to Lucian’s apartment. Although Lucian had offered to meet them at the mall too, Brendan had gotten cold feet and had taken directions to his apartment instead.

“A little,” Brendan said. “Okay, a lot,” he admitted. “I’ve never . . . I’ve never been to his apartment before, and I’ve never really spent more than a couple hours with him before, and . . .” He didn’t finish his sentence, figuring that it would venture into Too Much Information - he was nervous, after the interrupted phone sex, about what Lucian might think he was ready to offer physically. As much as his body was urging him onwards, Brendan had strong reservations about actually having sex. He thought that this might make him an alien, or at least an abnormal teenaged boy.

“It’s going to be absolutely fine,” Lina soothed him.

“Easy for you to say,” Brendan grumbled, but he said hello to Jimmy when they reached the Starbucks. “I’ll pick you up at five thirty in the main entrance hall?” he confirmed with Lina. She nodded happily, already in Jimmy’s lap, and Brendan left for the subway.

“Nice shirt,” Lina called after him, and giggled.

Brendan groaned and went down into the subway station. They weren’t very far from Lucian’s apartment, but he had to change subway lines in order to get there. He found the building with no trouble and took the elevator up to the sixth floor, where Lucian’s apartment was.

He swallowed hard and lifted his hand to knock on the door, and was immediately assaulted by a fresh wave of nerves. He withdrew his hand and stood there for a few minutes, not sure why he was feeling so damned terrified. He was sweating and his stomach clenched. He thought he might be sick.

Part of the problem, he knew, was just that he was nervous about seeing Lucian. Not that he didn’t want to see Lucian. He did. In fact, he wanted to see him so much that it hurt sometimes. And that was what really scared him.

Most of the problem, he knew all too well, was what he couldn’t stop thinking. It was wrong. He and Lucian were both men. Men didn’t like each other like this. Men didn’t kiss each other, and they certainly didn’t jerk off on the phone together. He was lying to his parents. His mother was going to kill him and he was probably going to go to Hell. Everything in how he had been raised told him that knocking on this door and going inside was wrong.

Oh, but he wanted to see Lucian so badly . . .

He knew that if he didn’t turn and walk away this time, he was never going to be able to.

He knew that.

He lifted his hand and managed a knock, but it was so quiet that he was sure Lucian couldn’t possibly have heard it. The nausea clenched down on his stomach again, and he had to take several deep breaths before he could think clearly. He was sure that he was going to throw up. He didn’t know it was possible to want someone so badly, and still want to not want them.

If he went in there, what was Lucian going to want to do?

He trusted the older man to not hurt him, but he knew that after what had happened on the phone, Lucian probably expected certain things - probably expected him to have the sex drive of a normal teenaged boy not struggling desperately with his sexuality. Being gay hadn’t bothered Brendan very much until the possibility of actual sex with Lucian had come up.

He took some deep breaths. It didn’t matter what his mother thought or what society thought. This couldn’t be wrong. If it was wrong, he wouldn’t love Lucian so much. He wouldn’t be gay if it weren’t all right. He repeated that several times and tried to knock again, but couldn’t. Sweat was beading on his forehead. He felt cold.

He turned and walked away. Stopped after three steps. Turned back. Stood there.

Tried to knock again, but his hand slid down the door. A hitching sob caught in his throat.

He couldn’t possibly be doing this. He couldn’t possibly, after looking forward to this date with Lucian all week, after agonizing over not being able to see him for a month, after crushing on him for nearly six, be unable to knock on the stupid door. He squared his shoulders and nearly threw up.

What was he so afraid of?

A lot of things, he decided. His family being disgusted by him. The thought of having sex with another man before he was ready for it. The possibility of making Lucian angry for not being ready to offer that. The myriad things that could go wrong with the afternoon. Even the threat to his immortal soul, although he thought that since he wasn’t religious, that probably wasn’t an issue.

He choked a little. Being gay was a lot harder than he thought it would be. Lina’s casual acceptance of it had put him at ease somewhat, and now he was suddenly facing the real thing. He scuffed at the carpet and decided to make a strategic run for it. But then what would he tell Lucian? He was ready to cry.

The door opened and Lucian blinked at him. “Thought I heard you out here,” he said, looking a little bit perplexed.

“I’m sorry,” Brendan whispered.

Lucian stopped as he saw the tears running down Brendan’s cheeks. He reached out with one hand and thumbed them away. “What’s wrong?” he asked softly.

Brendan examined the thousands of possibilities and came up with a single answer. “I don’t know. I just got so scared all of a sudden.”

There was a long silence while Lucian looked at him, and Brendan could see the pity in his eyes. “Come in,” Lucian said, standing back away from the door. Brendan hesitated. “Please,” Lucian said. “You can walk right back out if you want, but please come in.”

Brendan took a deep breath and walked in through the door. Lucian closed it behind him, then held his arms out for a hug if Brendan wanted it. Once he was there, and Lucian was right in front of him, denying what he wanted became a great deal harder. Brendan stepped into the embrace without further thought.

“I know it’s hard,” Lucian said, hugging him close. “Believe me, Bren, I know how hard it is to try to face something like this, and I’m sorry I’m putting you through it. I just thought . . . it would be better for you if you really knew yourself. If you don’t want to keep seeing me, that’s okay.”

Brendan shook his head. “The problem is that I do want to see you. I want it more than anything. And I just . . . I’m not really sure I know how to deal with it.” He pulled away and took a deep, shuddering breath. “I’m okay,” he said, in response to Lucian’s questioning look. He drew his hand over his eyes and repeated it. “I’m okay.”

“You sure?” Lucian asked, clearly concerned.

“Yeah. I . . . I’m sorry I freaked out a little.” Brendan was starting to relax now that he was actually in the apartment. He was already feeling better. “I can’t just stop being gay, no matter how much I may want to, so I may as well enjoy it and have a boyfriend I can’t get enough of, right?”

Lucian laughed a little. “That’s the spirit.” He kissed Brendan on the forehead. “And this may hurt more than help, but . . . I’ve wanted to see you so bad. It’s been driving me crazy.” His arms encircled Brendan’s waist again and he held him tightly. This time Brendan snuggled into the embrace and enjoyed it.

“It does help, I think,” Brendan said, when he pulled away. “I just . . . you know, I don’t even know what my problem is. My mother’s voice kept yapping in the back of my head about how being gay is wrong and my entire family will never care about me again.”

Lucian looked at him soberly. “As much as I hate to admit it, you’ve got to understand that it is a possibility.”

Brendan looked away. “I’d rather have you than my family.”

Lucian hugged him again, this time tighter. “Thank you,” he said, and Brendan was astonished to hear his voice on the edge of tears. “No one’s ever said anything like that to me before.”

Slowly, Brendan put his arms around Lucian’s waist, astonished by the thought that maybe Lucian needed him as much as he had started to need Lucian. “Can I tell you something?” he asked in a small voice.

“Anything,” Lucian said immediately.

“I think . . .” Brendan’s stomach twisted again, but he managed to get the words out. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Lucian chuckled, a soft noise that made Brendan squirm. “I like your phrasing,” he said, then kissed him on the forehead again. “Because I know I’ve fallen in love with you.”

Brendan’s heart thudded painfully in his chest. “Why?” he asked, then blushed and looked away. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to go into Super Low Self-Esteem Mode again.”

“It’s okay,” Lucian said. He put a finger underneath Brendan’s chin and tilted his face up. “You’re wonderful, you know,” he said. “You’re talented. You’re sweet and you’re kind. You’re cute and attractive and sexy all at the same time. And . . . you care about me. You’re the first person in my life that ever really has.”

“I can’t be . . .” Brendan started, but he thought about Lucian’s family and he knew that Lucian wasn’t exaggerating. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“Don’t be,” Lucian replied. “I’m glad that it’s you.”

“I’m glad that it’s you, too,” Brendan said.

Lucian hugged him again, then kissed him, but it was a gentle, chaste kiss. “So what do you want to do today?” he asked. “I worked overtime and got my edits on your novel all done, so we can work on that for a while. It’s nearly eleven. Do you want to order some lunch? In the kitchen I’m a bit of a disaster. I’m babbling, aren’t I.”

Brendan’s lips twitched; it was somewhat gratifying to have evidence that Lucian was also nervous. “Terribly,” he said. “And lunch would be nice.”

“I have a large collection of take-out menus,” Lucian said solemnly, and Brendan laughed. Lucian took out the collection and they perused them for a while, kibitzing over the relative merits of Thai versus Chinese, and when Brendan protested that he didn’t really like spicy food, Lucian agreed that Chinese would be a better bet. They ordered moo shu and chow mein, along with egg drop soup to split between the two of them.

“Now that you’ve calmed down somewhat,” Lucian said, once their order was placed and they were waiting for the food, “I have something for you.” He walked over to a small shelf that had a pile of mail on it. He shuffled through until he found an envelope, and handed it to Brendan. “Here.”

“This is addressed to me,” Brendan said, looking at the outside of it. “At your address. And you opened it. That’s a federal offense, you know.”

Lucian stuck his tongue out. “Just read it.”

Brendan stuck his tongue out in return, which made him feel wonderfully immature. He pulled out the paper inside, cleared his throat, and read it aloud, despite the fact that he knew Lucian had already read it himself. “Dear Mr. Phillips. We are pleased to inform you that we received your short story ‘Fallen Into Grace’ and consider it . . .” Brendan’s voice started to falter. “Highly worthy of publication in our magazine . . . and . . . would like to speak with you . . . at the nearest available opportunity . . . to discuss . . .” The letter slid from his nerveless fingers and floated to the ground before he could finish it.

“Isn’t it great?” Lucian asked, grinning like a maniac.

“I - but - how - ”

Now Lucian’s eyes shifted away, somewhat guiltily. “I sent it away for you,” he said. “I just thought it would be easier for you to do it yourself once you knew that someone wanted it. The first time is always the hardest, so I wrote the cover letter and just did it.”

“But . . .” Brendan stared at him.

“I’m sorry,” Lucian said. “I should have told you, or at least broken the news more gently, but I got excited when I saw this.”

Brendan managed a weak laugh. “No fucking wonder.”

“Are you mad at me?” Lucian asked.

“I . . . I don’t think so,” Brendan decided. “You’re right in that . . . it would have taken me months or years to have the confidence to send something out on my own. I’m just surprised. Is this . . . is this the first place you sent it to?”

Lucian nodded and grinned.

“Wow,” Brendan managed.

“I’m glad you aren’t angry,” Lucian said. He reached forward, brushing a few strands of hair out of Brendan’s face. Brendan’s eyes widened a little as Lucian leaned forward, knowing that Lucian was going to kiss him. “Don’t be frightened,” Lucian whispered, and Brendan closed his eyes. Lucian’s first kiss was gentle, but the second was deeper, showing the hunger that he had been trying to suppress, the longing from not having seen Brendan for nearly a month. Brendan melted into the kiss and let out a weak moan into Lucian’s mouth as his knees started to wobble. Lucian got an arm around his waist and held him upright, pressing their bodies together. When they broke apart, they were both out of breath.

Brendan tried to say something, but he couldn’t think of anything to say. What came out was a shaky, “God, I’m so gay.”

Lucian laughed, a warm sound that made Brendan’s weak knees weaker.

“Kiss me again,” he said, and Lucian was happy to oblige.

The food arrived a few minutes later, and they were forced to stop kissing long enough to answer the door. The smell of the food made Brendan realize how hungry he was, and they sat down to eat. “Mom never lets us get junk food or order Chinese or anything,” Brendan said, digging into his moo shu.

“Your mother and my mother should start a club,” Lucian said dryly.

“I thought that’s what all those parties were for,” Brendan responded, and Lucian laughed. The older man cleared through his plate quickly, unlike Brendan, who had had good manners instilled in him from day one and was a very careful eater. Once finished, Lucian put an arm around Brendan’s waist and proceeded to thoroughly distract him while he tried to eat his meal until he was a rather brilliant shade of crimson.

“You’re horrible,” Brendan said, gesturing emphatically with his chopsticks.

“I know,” Lucian said. “I have absolutely no shame, too. So what shall it be? Do you want to edit? Watch movie? Go out for a walk? The possibilities are endless.”

Brendan hesitated, then asked, “Can we just sit for a while? Talk?”

Lucian smiled at him, the wonderful smile that would melt Brendan’s knees for the rest of his life. “I’d think you’d get sick of me after talking on the phone so much.”

“No,” Brendan said, but he blushed at the mention of the phone conversations.

Lucian steered him over to the couch, and the older man settled at one end of it. After some hesitation, Brendan settled down with his back pressed against Lucian’s chest, with one of Lucian’s arms looped around his waist. He kissed Brendan’s ear, and Brendan laughed a little. They sat in silence for a moment, and it didn’t take long for the silence to grow thick with tension. Brendan shifted uncomfortably, wondering if sitting mostly in Lucian’s lap had been a good idea, because he could rather clearly feel Lucian pressed up against him, including his -

“Bren,” Lucian said, breaking the silence with an awkward start, making the teenager flinch slightly. “Are you okay?”

“I - no.” Brendan found, to his horror, that his traitorous mouth had spilled the truth. He quickly tried to salvage the situation. “I mean, yeah. Of course I am.”

“You really are the worst liar,” Lucian said. “What’s wrong?”

Brendan opened his mouth to say that nothing was wrong, really, honestly, he was fine, and the words started to drop from his mouth without an ounce of permission or thought on his part. “I’m sorry, it’s just that I’m freaking out a little, and I was okay with being gay, honest, I don’t have any social problem with it or anything, I think love is love and it’s fine to love whoever you want, but then I started thinking about sex, and you know, I really enjoyed wh-what we did on the phone the other day,” here Brendan’s blush intensified, “in fact, I think I enjoyed it a bit too much if you know what I’m saying, but now I keep thinking about what else you might want to do and what you might think I was ready for, because Jesus Christ, Lucian, we had phone sex and I’m really not sure I was ready for that but I wanted to be, you know, I’m not upset with you or anything like that, I’m just terrified for no good reason because I’m really, really not ready to have sex but it’s okay if you want to, but it’s not okay, and lying like this wasn’t a good idea ‘cause I can feel your - well, you know - pressed up against me, and I’m freaking out and - and - and I’m done now. I’m sorry.”

Lucian blinked at him, taken aback by this torrent of words. “Oh, Jesus,” he said, and shifted Brendan off his lap so the teenager could no longer feel the older man’s erection pressing against him. Brendan had to admit that this was somewhat of a relief, and his blush nearly burned his face as he tried very hard to not look at Lucian and particularly not Lucian’s pants. “Well,” Lucian finally said, “at least all that’s out in the open now.”

“I’m sorry,” Brendan said miserably, certain that he had ruined everything. “I’m really sorry.”

Lucian sighed a little, wondering if he would ever cure Brendan of his habit of apologizing incessantly. “Look, Bren, it’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with you. You know that, right?”

“I - ” Brendan shook his head. “I’m a seventeen year old guy who’s afraid of having sex, that means something’s wrong with me . . .”

“No, it doesn’t,” Lucian said. “It’s true that a lot of teenagers have sex for the first time around your age, but a lot of them don’t, too. Some of them grow up and get married and don’t have sex until they’re thirty. My first time wasn’t until I was twenty, so you don’t have anything to be ashamed of.”

“I’m sorry,” Brendan said immediately.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Lucian said patiently. “Bren, figuring out that you’re gay is a big thing. And it’s better to know your own limits and know what you are and aren’t ready for. I’m older than you and more experienced, so I’m ready for more, and it’s important that you set limits with me and tell me what is and isn’t okay. I don’t want to hurt you.” He tucked a wayward strand of Brendan’s hair behind his ear and kissed him on the cheek. “I don’t want to ever hurt you, Bren.”

Brendan fought the urge to melt into his arms. “I know you don’t,” he said. “I just feel like - I don’t know - I’m depriving you? Because you’re ready to have sex and I’m not yet? And that I led you on by what we did over the phone . . .”

“To start with number one,” Lucian said, “you’re not depriving me. It’s not like I can’t survive without getting laid, and believe me, Brendan, please, you are well worth however many months or years of celibacy I’ll need to endure just to be with you.” He kissed his cheek again. “Believe that, Brendan . . . I mean it, honestly. You give me much more than sex.”

Brendan couldn’t help but blush, but murmured what he hoped was assent. He wasn’t sure he could quite believe that yet, but he remembered how lonely Lucian had always seemed, and thought maybe he could. He knew that the way Lucian had filled the hole in his life would have been worth a lifetime of sex, in his personal opinion.

“Secondly,” Lucian said, “what we did on the phone the other night was probably not a good idea, and it was really my fault.”

“I started jerking off first,” Brendan mumbled.

Lucian snorted. “True, but I’m the one who got carried away and talked you into it. If you weren’t ready for it, it was a mistake, and I’m sorry.” He pressed his forehead against Brendan’s. “Really sorry.”

Brendan tentatively wrapped his arms around Lucian’s shoulders and hugged him tightly. “It’s okay,” he said. “It’s not your fault. Not like you had any way of knowing I was going to pitch a spaz . . .”

Lucian laughed at that, and hugged him back. “Third and lastly,” he said, “I certainly have no plans on having sex with you today, and didn’t even before you pitched your spaz, because I already knew you weren’t ready for that. I’m okay with that, Brendan. I think we should just watch a movie and work on your novel and enjoy each other’s company, and then you’ll go home and we can go back to pining for each other hopelessly.”

“Well,” Brendan said shyly, “it’s not like you have to keep your hands off me completely.”

Lucian looked at him with an expression that Brendan didn’t recognize for a few long seconds, and then the teenager realized with an inward quake that it was definitely hunger. He wondered if Lucian could see it mirrored in his eyes, could see that he wanted to, he just had a tendency to freak out about things too easily.

He reached out and touched Lucian’s cheek. “Teach me?” he murmured. “We can take it slow, but . . . I want to learn. I want to feel good, a-and learn how to make you feel good, too.”

“God, Bren . . .” Lucian had to take a few deep breaths and refrain from licking his lips, and he was very glad that Bren was no longer in a position to feel his arousal, which had returned full force at those words. “You have no idea what it does to me to hear you say that.”

Brendan, who had shifted a little slightly and was quite glad he was wearing loose pants, thought otherwise. “I think I have some idea,” he said. “You have no idea what it does to me when you look at me like that.”

“How was I looking at you?” Lucian asked, arching his eyebrows.

“Like you wanted to strip me naked, cover me in hot chocolate, and then lick it all off,” Brendan said promptly.

Lucian’s eyes closed momentarily as he fought very hard to not picture that in graphic detail. “You are unfair,” he declared.

“Well, I do have a way with words,” Brendan said.

Lucian pounced on him, and Brendan let out a shrieking little giggle as Lucian applied merciless tickle torture. “Stop stop stop stop!” Lucian stopped, but not until he had pinned Brendan up against one end of the sofa and had him in perfect position to kiss very thoroughly. Brendan moaned helplessly, his back arching slightly and pressing him up against Lucian. A distant corner of his mind noted that he was not at all embarrassed about his erection anymore, and even less embarrassed about Lucian’s (in fact, it seemed rather phenomenal to him that he, a nerdy just-barely-high-school-graduate, could produce such a reaction in the gorgeous Lucian).

Lucian kissed him until he was approaching serious oxygen debt, then pulled away, leaving them both gasping. “You learn fast,” he said, grinning.

“Teach me something else,” Brendan demanded.

“With pleasure,” Lucian said. He leaned down and nuzzled at Brendan’s neck, nipping and licking at the sensitive skin there. Brendan let out a little gasp, one of his hands fisting in the back of Lucian’s shirt. He couldn’t quite explain why something so simple could feel so good, just by virtue of the fact that it was Lucian doing it. He knew his nails were digging into Lucian’s back, but the older man didn’t seem to mind that, not one little bit.

Lucian’s hands tugged at Brendan’s shirt, pushing it up to reveal a few inches of stomach. Brendan giggled at Lucian’s hands brushed over more ticklish spots. “I like this shirt,” Lucian said.

Brendan laughed. “It’s Monica’s,” he said, and Lucian blinked at him. “Long story,” he added. His breath hitched as Lucian’s fingers traced over the skin of his stomach and sides, pushing the shirt up higher. He whimpered as the older man’s lips brushed over it, and was suddenly acutely aware of one of Lucian’s hands on his hip, keeping him pushed down against the sofa. He wished that the hand could be a few inches to the left; that would really help tremendously.

Although Lucian knew this full well, he was now having an interesting dilemma. Brendan, like just about any other teenaged boy that Lucian had ever known, himself included, had a libido that was hard to stop once it got going. Despite not being ready to have sex, once he was this riled up, it was not going to be easy for him to calm back down. This was not even mentioning Lucian’s problem, which was foreseeing himself stepping into a cold shower sometime in the very near future. But he rather suspected that if Brendan didn’t feel he was ready to come over the phone with Lucian, he really wasn’t ready to do it in person.

He had just started to wonder how he was going to get around this when the question was answered for him as the phone rang shrilly. Cursing, he got off the sofa and picked it up, leaving Brendan lying there, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried to catch his breath. “Hello?” Lucian asked, picking it up.

“Lucian, it’s me,” his mother snapped. Lucian groaned inwardly. “There’s something I need you to do.”

Brendan sat up on the sofa and waited while the blush in his cheeks abated, while Lucian said “okay . . . uh huh . . .” about fifty times before finally hanging up. “She’s the eighth wonder of the world,” Lucian said dryly. “An empowered woman who still can’t do anything for herself.”

“What’d she want?” Brendan asked timidly.

“Something about a book she can’t find. Long story. She can’t use the internet for beans and she’s always calling me and making me do it for her.” Lucian shrugged and plopped back down on the sofa. “So, movie?”

Brendan nodded and curled up with his head against Lucian’s shoulder, glad he hadn’t even needed to articulate the sudden rush of fear and shame that had come over him as soon as Lucian had gotten off the sofa and he could think clearly again. Lucian already understood him. “You’re wonderful,” he said.

Lucian dropped a kiss on the top of his head. “Takes one to know one,” he said lightly, and turned on the television before Brendan could protest.

~~~~

Ta da! This probably is *not* the last of the Lucian/Brendan backstory; I had some other little scenes planned, like the one where Brendan comes out to his parents, and some arguments over college and where he's going to live and stuff like that, with liberal application of the angst brush, but I've got a lot to do lately with all the other stuff we're writing, so it might be a while. ^^;;