(Untitled)

Apr 12, 2004 21:06

So. Here's the long-awaited Neil/Rowan scene. Couple notes before you dive in. (Ha ha ( Read more... )

eventide

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Comments 9

andrews23 April 12 2004, 18:26:56 UTC
Wow. Um.. wow. Hot. Yeah. Um... *brain dead*

Is this the last chapter to the series?

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kouriarashi April 12 2004, 18:40:08 UTC
Uhm.... no. If it was, it would have been clearly labeled like the other chapters. There's still chapter 27 and an epilogue to go.

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*passes out* maradaze April 12 2004, 18:37:20 UTC
You're right, it's not a traditional lemon, but it is...adorable. Wah, it's weird thinking of a lemon as adorable. But Rowan is so nervous, and Neil is so sweet and comforting... And they're so awkward! I've always wondered about perfect first-times, where everyone comes twice and nothing really hurts.

It's a little bittersweet, knowing that they die. But at least they were happy for a little while. Nice job!

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anonymous April 12 2004, 22:03:58 UTC
Wow. Nice work there. ::impressed:: Let's see if I can't shake myself out of this lust-haze enough to do a proper review... Heh. So let's see...

The periodic moments of nervousness balance out the scene, keeping it from becoming too bland, and they keep Neil and Rowan heartbreakingly realistic. God, Rowan's insecurities - they just resonate with anyone who's ever suffered low self esteem. Neil is awesome here. He's gloriously supportive (I *want* one him).

Overall, this piece is tremendously powerful because it's emotional without being overly poetic. This is smart, and I enjoyed the bittersweet tone tremendously. Kudos!

- GrayMM

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Nice Job! pyrrhical April 13 2004, 05:08:08 UTC
Very nice job. It started kinda blah, but once you got about half or three-quarters of a page in, it redeemed itself. ^^ The only recommendation I have is that instead of saying "Jesus", "Christ", or "God" for ALL of your curses or exclamations, try a new one? Maybe a traditional one? I dunno -- it just got rather annoying and I'd skip a sentence. *shrugs* Future recommendation, s'all.

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Re: Nice Job! kouriarashi April 13 2004, 07:09:57 UTC
::shrugs:: I've found, from my own limited experience, that when I'm in the midst of something, I pick one exclamation and stick to it. (And yes, it's usually God or Jesus.) That way I don't have to think or be original. I'm sure a lot of other people just repeat themselves, too. I'm not sure what else people might shout during sex... other swears seem a little uncouth for Rowan, even for Neil, especially given that this lemon technically took place over twenty-five years ago and profanity just wasn't quite as widespread among the youth then, I don't think.

And as for reccomendations for the future, since I rarely write smut, I don't really look for them... I actually hate writing smut and hate posting it more, I'm really sensitive about it. ::sweatdrops:: So forgive me if I come off a little cranky or bitchy.

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idioticinsanity April 13 2004, 10:42:23 UTC
Yanno, despite the whole "not a traditional lemon" thing, I liked it. I think I may have liked it more than the traditional lemons you find in romance novels and such (and not just coz it's two guys XP), because the moment was just more...intimate somehow. So, anyway, good job and kudos and all that. ^^

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