I hate being this person. Taking a break with no real idea of what he wants to do when September rolls around, when all the people he knows and cares about are growing up and taking the initiative and are enjoying their lives and everything around them. Ick. I feel so empty and insecure. I don't think things are gonna feel right ever again.

There's one thing I fuckin hate. And that's the letter Y.

"Now you're over me?"
"No. No, I'm not over you. I'm over it. I can't keep crying over you."
"I don't want you to. You meet somebody else?"
"No. No, I just don't want you to be worrying about stuff you shouldn't, or should have done, when I'm not."
"I'm not worried. So if I'm not worried, and you're not worried, why can't we go back to being friends ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

I blame myself for wanting too much out of this life, and never realizing what really mattered. There are things I cannot change, cannot take back, cannot fix...and now I must play my life out in the best way I can. Truth be told, I want it to be different. But people need to look out for themselves more than anyone else in the world. When will I ( Read more... )

Take me wherever you go
Help me forget tomorrow
Love me your best and I know
All of the rest will follow
Love me as well as you know
And everything else will follow

I wanna be in Rent. I so wanna fuckin be Marc Cohen. Such an amazing play. I'm gonna die.

Every day, I pray that I will find peace. Well, maybe not pray...but you know. I hope this week will be better than the last. I feel like staying in this opera program was a bad idea. But I can't exactly leave now and just sit on my ass for the next two months, can I? Shit. Why does it have to be so hard?

Well...I'm home. Half way there actually. Just sitting around at my grandma's house watching TV and wondering why I'm here. I went to see Serenity with my brother and his girlfriend Helen at around 1:30, and then I didn't really know what to do with myself, so I asked Sean to take me here. Now I really don't know what I'm doing here, since I had a ( Read more... )

So, back in my room after a 9 o'clock Music History class and a 10:15 music lesson. I really hope things are gonna get better from here on out. It's hard not to think about Carol during all of this, because I've just never had to keep her out of my thoughts this way. So...there's a lot of things I need to do this weekend. Hopefully I don't spend ( Read more... )