(no subject)
i went back to the doctor, today. lately, i've been having a lot more freakout/random moodswing spells? and it got to the point where i made my girlfriend feel awful, but not on purpose. because when i moodswing, i realize that i'm moodswinging, but i can't control or avert the course of it. so i just say everything negative that's on my mind, and everything that bothers me. even if it's small or insignificant.
so i decided to make an appointment. in addition to the seroquel, she decided to try a regiment of wellbutrin. as with all medications i read all the stuff that comes with it, and then it hits me: it's an antidepressant.
it took a moment when i got back from the pharmacy, but it finally hit home that anti-psychotics aren't working for me. like, i told myself there's something so wrong with me that anti psychotics aren't working. my girlfriend told me that medications work differently for different people, and sometimes it's all about trial and error.
i'm grateful for that by far, but at the same time...it was a huge shock/digest value to take in all at once. on one hand, it's nice knowing that something's actually wrong with me and i'm not just crazy. it's nice knowing there's chemicals off and wrong in my brain, and that in time, it can be fixed. but on the other hand, it's just... frightening. what if the antidepressants don't work like at all? then what?
i really hope they do work. i'm really tired of all these moodswings.