what is my life
so to recap: i work in an adult video store. we also sell condoms, lube, sex toys, etc; but that isn't really the important part.
basically i get paid to tell people to fuck themselves and make change. we have booths in the back where you put money into a machine and like, select a dvd you want to watch, and scroll through different channels for different DVDs. so about 90% of people who use the arcade are actually really cool, chill, everything normal in a customer. they do their thing, i do mine; everyone's happy.
then you get some douchebags who think they're deserving of special snowflake treatment. and all you can really do is smile and nod and hand them change, when in reality you want to strangle their mere existence or at least go beat someone over the head for not educating them.
now one of our major rules that people SOMEHOW BREAK ALMOST EVERY DAMN WEEK is 'no smoking'. this means no smoking anything. crack, meth, cigarettes, pot, hair (yes.), clothes, paper towels, NO SMOKING ANYTHING. it says it four times on a sign posted outside every single booth.
i'm going back there to check per usual, and i hear a lighter and a deep inhale. instead of kicking open the door like i usually do and telling them to leave before the entire back room smells like burning rubber, i decide i'm going to spice up my dull shift. i reach under the booth door (there's about a 6" up from the ground gap), grab the guy's chair with one hand, yank as hard as i can and kick the door open in one swift movement. he falls and hits the floor flat on his ass.
said door almost hits the guy in the back of the head (did hit him in the side of the head) and i'm just like "you gotta get the fuck out. now." then i walk back up to the counter and grab the camera that we use to upload souls(people who've been kicked out), and hit "record". said guy comes up not even 40 seconds later and starts screaming at me.
for the record, i'm about 5'3" and barely 130 pounds. said guy is about 6'1" and has a good hundred + pounds on me. he starts saying how he's going to fire me for assault, and get a lawsuit and everything. my reaction was "great, i'll make sure to mention that i kicked you out for smoking crack." he shut up pretty quickly after that, but still started grumbling about how he was a "paying customer" and "didn't see the signs".
then i brought out a tube of pepper spray (we keep it behind the counter in a drawer for emergencies) and i said "so you can seriously leave right now and never come back, or i will gladly spray this in your eyes, taze you and drag you out into the street." i then also pull out our tazer and give him a :D face.
he left pretty quickly after that.
so sad i didn't get to taze him.
and now you know about my exciting day.