My Mad Fat Diary: Thoughts & pic spam on episode 2.01 Alarm
Blurb: Rae's still madly in love with Finn, but will her insecurities sabotage their relationship before it's even begun? Meanwhile, Kester encourages her to face her demons and finally confront the truth about what happened to Tix.
*
This episode was a real roller coaster in terms of emotions. When it starts out, it looks very much like a typical happy, teen summer show. Instead of writing in her journal, Rae's writing letters to Tix. From the cheeriness of the font, we are made to believe that Tix is still in hospital.
Things are going well on the home front
Things are going absolutely great with the gang
And things are going great with Finn
Chloe, for reasons I choose to believe are well-intentioned and not malign, holds a group session the day after Rae's confession to enable the gang to ask questions about Rae's hospitalisation. Rae is unimpressed.
Chloe mandates that no one may speak/ask a question unless they are holding the ketchup bottle. I didn't realise Brits said ketchup - I had always assumed they called it tomato sauce like we did …
The only saving grace for Rae is that Finn is not there to witness her humiliation. That goes to hell when he walks in.
Chloe asks him where he's been in a snappy voice and he replies: 'Soz mum."
He does single her out for his 'afternoon', which is sweet. His only question is whether she's all right now and she says she is …
It speaks to both his and her immaturity and lack of sophistication I guess that they think that someone mentally ill can be 'better' so quickly … I think Rae would like to think that she's well on the mend and I suspect Finn might assume that it's like a physical illness that can be healed.
The two of them go out bowling and it might or might not be a date. Rae is admiring Finn's butt. She says it's so beautiful that sometimes it makes her want to cry :)
His first bowl isn't bad and then he attempts to give her guidance on how to bowl as she told him that she had never bowled before. He's earnest and helpful rather than patronising and Rae pretends to be paying close attention.
Turns out she was sharking him and she's actually an excellent bowler. When he points out she says that she'd never bowled before, she says she says a lot of things. He asks if it's going to be "like that, is it?"
He doesn't seem upset about being beaten though …
Unfortunately, he doesn't get in contact with her after the bowling and Rae agonises about it with Chloe and Izzy. I know a lot of people hate Chloe but if you see her in this scene, she listens to Rae and focuses on Rae's issues - she doesn't try to take the attention back to herself and she doesn't seem angry or annoyed to be spending time sorting Rae out. She might think that it didn't constitute a date because Rae and Finn hang out all the time but that was just an observation, not spite. Unfortunately her advice was a bit off as she incorrectly assumes that Finn didn’t get in touch because Rae beat him at bowling and hurt his male pride.
Nonetheless, Rae is excellent at following bad advice so goes off to watch Fin at football practice, calling out a number of embarrassing encouragements. To Finn's credit, he doesn't seem to mind or be embarrassed - grinning back at her.
Not sure if Rae caused it by distracting him, but Finn is injured
In the change room she tries to tell him how manly he looked out there and that makes him laugh and tell her she says some really funny things sometimes. She starts to freak out there he thinks she's weird and while she's babbling, he kisses her.
She starts to agonise that he only kissed her to because he felt sorry for her and he is so sweet and smiles and tells her that he kissed her because he wanted to - and also to shut her up. He softens the latter by telling her that it was just a "little bit" for that reason. His smile is so sweet. Rae doesn't look so great in this scene - her face looks quite puffy but I think it was the hairstyle and the way the scene was shot but she does a wonderful job of conveying Rae's angst and vulnerability.
It's a seriously hot kiss. I love the way that partway through the kiss he puts up his hand up to cup her cheek like that … Gah.
Now we come to the petting scene in Rae's bedroom. To put it crudely, Finn's fingering her. That's the crude version and normally I would be uncomfortable with watching such a scene and wonder why it was necessary but there's something about the way this was done and the way the actors portrayed it that made it more than just a teen fumble …
Finn's being extremely attentive to her. Asking her if she likes it, if it feels good. I might be wronging teen boys but I could imagine that it would be pretty easy to have someone as desperate as Rae be the one doing all the pleasuring i.e. I'd have expected their first petting session to involve her going down on him. Instead, we have him taking the time to find out what she likes and pleasuring her.
A glance down and a glance up to see if she likes it. She does. In the final photo, he's asking her if she likes it … I find that so sweet.
I guess Finn's in earnest now as he takes off his jacket :)
Of course Rae starts stressing. She frets that her vagina won't work properly, that she won't feel anything or worse, that Finn won't know what he's doing and might do it wrong
As he hits the jackpot, clearly she was worrying for nothing
I love how he's laughing as he tells her to keep the volume down. It's very tender and intimate.
Then he strokes her forehead and gives her a kiss. My ovaries are already exploding by this point :P
At that point, Rae's mum bursts in and Rae and Finn pull away from one another abruptly
Rae's mum wants Rae to buy onions. Then she comes in and bursts into tears and explains that she thinks she might be going through menopause. Poor Finn has a fleeting crisis as he has to decide which hand he is going to let Rae's mum hold - given their recent activities
Rae's disappointed when Finn says he has to go to football
As he leaves, he promises her: "To. Be. Continued," with a flick down and then up. Her ovaries explode.
I can't do it justice with static images so here's a nice gif set and another over here.
Rae's therapy session with Kester starts out well and she tells him about Finn and having a boyfriend but when he starts pressing her about self-esteem issues, she gets defensive and says she wishes they did word associations.
It gets worse when he says that there's a topic that they have been avoiding and he wants to talk about it. Rae cuts him off and says that time is up.
Chloe's back with her bad advice telling Izzy and Rae that they'd better lose their virginity fefore starting college or they'll be losers. Call me old-fashioned but I don't see why it's so imperative to lose one's virginity at 16 or 17!!!
Unfortunately Chloe's word is gospel and Rae and Izzy tell the boys that they're going on a camping trip before college starts. Unspoken is the fact that the camping trip will be the place that both girls will seduce their men. Rae starts having awful flashbacks when she thinks about starting college which makes me wonder if she's repeating college or something.
Going home, Rae finds her mum even more hormonally menopausal - her mum has borrowed her clothes
Buying underwear for the planned seduction is traumatic given that the shop keeper tells Chloe that she has perfect breasts and Rae is keenly aware that her own boobs are far from perfect
She goes to Finn's house with the intention of showing him the lingerie. I notice that they are using a different actor for Finn's dad. He looked like a hairy Jeff Bridges last season and this season he looks like a balding Italian Australian actor whose name I've forgotten.
Anyway, she chickens out when she perves on Finn having a shower and sees the magnificence of his perfect bum. Cheer up, Rae - Nico used a stunt bum … Nonetheless, she's haunted by images of his perfect bum for the rest of the afternoon, interspersed with nightmare memories of bullying and taunting because of her weight.
Rae's mum and Karim have bought a tv with a video so that they can watch videos. Given that they don't have videos, Rae goes to snoop and finds the porn collection. In watching, she realises that she needs to do some grooming in her nethers …
She and Izzy go to be waxed. It's painful.
Izzy confides that she feels insecure as well because she's not as perfect as Chloe. This makes Rae feel better.
Until she realises that Izzy's body is pretty perfect as well ..
Word associations with Kester end badly and it's clear that Rae's body image issues are still pretty bad.
Poor Rae :'(
Nonetheless, she dons her horrifically green lingerie. I have no idea why she chose that awful colour. Yeesh.
Driving there, she attempts to seduce Finn. In her fantasy, it makes him turn wild and want to ravish her in the back seat
In reality, when she grabs his hand, he thinks she wants water so considerately offers her some :D When she tries to kiss him and tell him how sexy she is, he's fine about it and laughing - but warns her that she'll make him flip the car
Rae has a spat with Chop when she finds out that he's only been able to secure two tents instead of the requisite three.
She mourns to Izzy that their chances of losing their virginity are now zero … at which point Izzy confesses that she and Chop had sex the night before. She comforts Rae.
Izzy and Chop might be the only happy couple …
Poor Archie is being hunted by a predatory Chloe who is determined to pair up with him as she's the only solo female. He has a whinge to Rae who in turn whinges that she is wearing underwear that is offering her boobs absolutely no support. Archie offers her support. Literally. I love these two.
Later in the day, Finn asks a rather mournful Rae if she'd like to go for a walk
Poor Archie is left to be manhandled by Chloe
Rae tells Finn that he doesn't need to be tip toeing around her and giving her time - although she does appreciate that he doesn't ask her if she's all right like other people do.
To her surprised delight, he's been busy and intends to honour his 'to be continued' promise …
When inside the caravan though, she can't go through with it and says she has to go and freshen up
Inside the bathroom, she looks at herself with extremely critical eyes and realises that she cannot be naked in front of him
Staring at a photo of them together, she says that sees them for the first time and how they look together
She remembers real or imagined looks of derision
Outside, poor Finn waits patiently
When she lies and says she has a headache, he doesn't get mad. He says the cure is vodka :P OK, he's no doctor.
Poor Archie's night wasn't much better with Chloe dressed in something sexily and skimpy and trying to seduce him. He had to pretend to fall asleep
On the way home, Finn asks if Rae's ok and she says she is but she's lying …
The first day of college starts well enough. Finn and the gang are there, Finn's brought her a coffee. Everything is normal and happy … Or appears to be. As they approach the school, Rae's panic attacks and bad memories intensify even though she keeps telling herself that it's going to be different this time, that this time she has Finn by her side …
What I find really, really tragic is that such is the severity of her self-loathing and her bad memories - having Finn at her side and holding her hand makes it worse. She's embarrassed for him. By contrast, he appears oblivious … He seems proud and happy and unaware that she's completely falling apart. I have to question how clueless he is … he must know she is overweight, he must know that she has hang-ups. Nonetheless, he does not judge her with those eyes so perhaps he thinks that that's enough?
Finally, she can't bear it anymore and she runs away - with the excuse that she has to go to the toilet. Finn is very bewildered.
Even the Blur t-shirts seem to be against her …
The panic attack is getting worse
So she sets off the fire alarm and runs out of the school where she sees another student
She goes to Kester and confesses that she is still a mess. We found out that Tix died :( I'd seen spoilers so guessed this might be the case .. but I was still very sad …
Kester says he misses Tix too and Rae demands to know why he doesn't seem more sad. Kester says he's devastated and no one can do cry face like Kester :'(
Good bye Tix …
At the end, Rae goes to group therapy and sees Liam the student from school who knew she set off the fire alarm.
This episode started off so well and Rae seemed so happy and well on the road to recovery. Her friendships, family relationships and her romance with Finn all seemed to be doing so well. By the end though, we realise that she's still very fragile, dealing with Tix's death and also continuing to battle her own body image issues. Having someone like Finn like her on the one hand is helpful for liking herself but on the other hand, only serves to create more self-doubt if she still loathes herself …
A break-up seemed inevitable to me because Rae is clearly not ready to be in a relationship and Finn clearly has not been able to see how torn up Rae is …
Index to other MMFD pic spams/episode thoughts
*
This episode was a real roller coaster in terms of emotions. When it starts out, it looks very much like a typical happy, teen summer show. Instead of writing in her journal, Rae's writing letters to Tix. From the cheeriness of the font, we are made to believe that Tix is still in hospital.
Things are going well on the home front
Things are going absolutely great with the gang
And things are going great with Finn
Chloe, for reasons I choose to believe are well-intentioned and not malign, holds a group session the day after Rae's confession to enable the gang to ask questions about Rae's hospitalisation. Rae is unimpressed.
Chloe mandates that no one may speak/ask a question unless they are holding the ketchup bottle. I didn't realise Brits said ketchup - I had always assumed they called it tomato sauce like we did …
The only saving grace for Rae is that Finn is not there to witness her humiliation. That goes to hell when he walks in.
Chloe asks him where he's been in a snappy voice and he replies: 'Soz mum."
He does single her out for his 'afternoon', which is sweet. His only question is whether she's all right now and she says she is …
It speaks to both his and her immaturity and lack of sophistication I guess that they think that someone mentally ill can be 'better' so quickly … I think Rae would like to think that she's well on the mend and I suspect Finn might assume that it's like a physical illness that can be healed.
The two of them go out bowling and it might or might not be a date. Rae is admiring Finn's butt. She says it's so beautiful that sometimes it makes her want to cry :)
His first bowl isn't bad and then he attempts to give her guidance on how to bowl as she told him that she had never bowled before. He's earnest and helpful rather than patronising and Rae pretends to be paying close attention.
Turns out she was sharking him and she's actually an excellent bowler. When he points out she says that she'd never bowled before, she says she says a lot of things. He asks if it's going to be "like that, is it?"
He doesn't seem upset about being beaten though …
Unfortunately, he doesn't get in contact with her after the bowling and Rae agonises about it with Chloe and Izzy. I know a lot of people hate Chloe but if you see her in this scene, she listens to Rae and focuses on Rae's issues - she doesn't try to take the attention back to herself and she doesn't seem angry or annoyed to be spending time sorting Rae out. She might think that it didn't constitute a date because Rae and Finn hang out all the time but that was just an observation, not spite. Unfortunately her advice was a bit off as she incorrectly assumes that Finn didn’t get in touch because Rae beat him at bowling and hurt his male pride.
Nonetheless, Rae is excellent at following bad advice so goes off to watch Fin at football practice, calling out a number of embarrassing encouragements. To Finn's credit, he doesn't seem to mind or be embarrassed - grinning back at her.
Not sure if Rae caused it by distracting him, but Finn is injured
In the change room she tries to tell him how manly he looked out there and that makes him laugh and tell her she says some really funny things sometimes. She starts to freak out there he thinks she's weird and while she's babbling, he kisses her.
She starts to agonise that he only kissed her to because he felt sorry for her and he is so sweet and smiles and tells her that he kissed her because he wanted to - and also to shut her up. He softens the latter by telling her that it was just a "little bit" for that reason. His smile is so sweet. Rae doesn't look so great in this scene - her face looks quite puffy but I think it was the hairstyle and the way the scene was shot but she does a wonderful job of conveying Rae's angst and vulnerability.
It's a seriously hot kiss. I love the way that partway through the kiss he puts up his hand up to cup her cheek like that … Gah.
Now we come to the petting scene in Rae's bedroom. To put it crudely, Finn's fingering her. That's the crude version and normally I would be uncomfortable with watching such a scene and wonder why it was necessary but there's something about the way this was done and the way the actors portrayed it that made it more than just a teen fumble …
Finn's being extremely attentive to her. Asking her if she likes it, if it feels good. I might be wronging teen boys but I could imagine that it would be pretty easy to have someone as desperate as Rae be the one doing all the pleasuring i.e. I'd have expected their first petting session to involve her going down on him. Instead, we have him taking the time to find out what she likes and pleasuring her.
A glance down and a glance up to see if she likes it. She does. In the final photo, he's asking her if she likes it … I find that so sweet.
I guess Finn's in earnest now as he takes off his jacket :)
Of course Rae starts stressing. She frets that her vagina won't work properly, that she won't feel anything or worse, that Finn won't know what he's doing and might do it wrong
As he hits the jackpot, clearly she was worrying for nothing
I love how he's laughing as he tells her to keep the volume down. It's very tender and intimate.
Then he strokes her forehead and gives her a kiss. My ovaries are already exploding by this point :P
At that point, Rae's mum bursts in and Rae and Finn pull away from one another abruptly
Rae's mum wants Rae to buy onions. Then she comes in and bursts into tears and explains that she thinks she might be going through menopause. Poor Finn has a fleeting crisis as he has to decide which hand he is going to let Rae's mum hold - given their recent activities
Rae's disappointed when Finn says he has to go to football
As he leaves, he promises her: "To. Be. Continued," with a flick down and then up. Her ovaries explode.
I can't do it justice with static images so here's a nice gif set and another over here.
Rae's therapy session with Kester starts out well and she tells him about Finn and having a boyfriend but when he starts pressing her about self-esteem issues, she gets defensive and says she wishes they did word associations.
It gets worse when he says that there's a topic that they have been avoiding and he wants to talk about it. Rae cuts him off and says that time is up.
Chloe's back with her bad advice telling Izzy and Rae that they'd better lose their virginity fefore starting college or they'll be losers. Call me old-fashioned but I don't see why it's so imperative to lose one's virginity at 16 or 17!!!
Unfortunately Chloe's word is gospel and Rae and Izzy tell the boys that they're going on a camping trip before college starts. Unspoken is the fact that the camping trip will be the place that both girls will seduce their men. Rae starts having awful flashbacks when she thinks about starting college which makes me wonder if she's repeating college or something.
Going home, Rae finds her mum even more hormonally menopausal - her mum has borrowed her clothes
Buying underwear for the planned seduction is traumatic given that the shop keeper tells Chloe that she has perfect breasts and Rae is keenly aware that her own boobs are far from perfect
She goes to Finn's house with the intention of showing him the lingerie. I notice that they are using a different actor for Finn's dad. He looked like a hairy Jeff Bridges last season and this season he looks like a balding Italian Australian actor whose name I've forgotten.
Anyway, she chickens out when she perves on Finn having a shower and sees the magnificence of his perfect bum. Cheer up, Rae - Nico used a stunt bum … Nonetheless, she's haunted by images of his perfect bum for the rest of the afternoon, interspersed with nightmare memories of bullying and taunting because of her weight.
Rae's mum and Karim have bought a tv with a video so that they can watch videos. Given that they don't have videos, Rae goes to snoop and finds the porn collection. In watching, she realises that she needs to do some grooming in her nethers …
She and Izzy go to be waxed. It's painful.
Izzy confides that she feels insecure as well because she's not as perfect as Chloe. This makes Rae feel better.
Until she realises that Izzy's body is pretty perfect as well ..
Word associations with Kester end badly and it's clear that Rae's body image issues are still pretty bad.
Poor Rae :'(
Nonetheless, she dons her horrifically green lingerie. I have no idea why she chose that awful colour. Yeesh.
Driving there, she attempts to seduce Finn. In her fantasy, it makes him turn wild and want to ravish her in the back seat
In reality, when she grabs his hand, he thinks she wants water so considerately offers her some :D When she tries to kiss him and tell him how sexy she is, he's fine about it and laughing - but warns her that she'll make him flip the car
Rae has a spat with Chop when she finds out that he's only been able to secure two tents instead of the requisite three.
She mourns to Izzy that their chances of losing their virginity are now zero … at which point Izzy confesses that she and Chop had sex the night before. She comforts Rae.
Izzy and Chop might be the only happy couple …
Poor Archie is being hunted by a predatory Chloe who is determined to pair up with him as she's the only solo female. He has a whinge to Rae who in turn whinges that she is wearing underwear that is offering her boobs absolutely no support. Archie offers her support. Literally. I love these two.
Later in the day, Finn asks a rather mournful Rae if she'd like to go for a walk
Poor Archie is left to be manhandled by Chloe
Rae tells Finn that he doesn't need to be tip toeing around her and giving her time - although she does appreciate that he doesn't ask her if she's all right like other people do.
To her surprised delight, he's been busy and intends to honour his 'to be continued' promise …
When inside the caravan though, she can't go through with it and says she has to go and freshen up
Inside the bathroom, she looks at herself with extremely critical eyes and realises that she cannot be naked in front of him
Staring at a photo of them together, she says that sees them for the first time and how they look together
She remembers real or imagined looks of derision
Outside, poor Finn waits patiently
When she lies and says she has a headache, he doesn't get mad. He says the cure is vodka :P OK, he's no doctor.
Poor Archie's night wasn't much better with Chloe dressed in something sexily and skimpy and trying to seduce him. He had to pretend to fall asleep
On the way home, Finn asks if Rae's ok and she says she is but she's lying …
The first day of college starts well enough. Finn and the gang are there, Finn's brought her a coffee. Everything is normal and happy … Or appears to be. As they approach the school, Rae's panic attacks and bad memories intensify even though she keeps telling herself that it's going to be different this time, that this time she has Finn by her side …
What I find really, really tragic is that such is the severity of her self-loathing and her bad memories - having Finn at her side and holding her hand makes it worse. She's embarrassed for him. By contrast, he appears oblivious … He seems proud and happy and unaware that she's completely falling apart. I have to question how clueless he is … he must know she is overweight, he must know that she has hang-ups. Nonetheless, he does not judge her with those eyes so perhaps he thinks that that's enough?
Finally, she can't bear it anymore and she runs away - with the excuse that she has to go to the toilet. Finn is very bewildered.
Even the Blur t-shirts seem to be against her …
The panic attack is getting worse
So she sets off the fire alarm and runs out of the school where she sees another student
She goes to Kester and confesses that she is still a mess. We found out that Tix died :( I'd seen spoilers so guessed this might be the case .. but I was still very sad …
Kester says he misses Tix too and Rae demands to know why he doesn't seem more sad. Kester says he's devastated and no one can do cry face like Kester :'(
Good bye Tix …
At the end, Rae goes to group therapy and sees Liam the student from school who knew she set off the fire alarm.
This episode started off so well and Rae seemed so happy and well on the road to recovery. Her friendships, family relationships and her romance with Finn all seemed to be doing so well. By the end though, we realise that she's still very fragile, dealing with Tix's death and also continuing to battle her own body image issues. Having someone like Finn like her on the one hand is helpful for liking herself but on the other hand, only serves to create more self-doubt if she still loathes herself …
A break-up seemed inevitable to me because Rae is clearly not ready to be in a relationship and Finn clearly has not been able to see how torn up Rae is …
Index to other MMFD pic spams/episode thoughts