Case Closed Movie 1: The Time-Bombed Skyscraper
So I was watching the movie with my sister vixianna . We decided to make a running commentary and typed it up for everyone's enjoyment. Fair warning, there is a bit of mature content (or immature content, depending on how you look at it.)
(After seeing Prof Leo Joel)
Vix: His head!
Ko: The mustache!
Vix: It shouldn't be shaped like that! No one's head is shaped like that!
His head is super long, with a pointy chin, and a flat face!
Ko: I think he's symmetrical...-measures- He is! I bet he had plastic surgery...
Leo: I want a symmetrical face!
Doctor: But sir, it's unheard of!
Leo: I don't care! Do it, damn it!
Ko: And his childhood was probably even worse...
-Childhood-
Leo: Father, my head is so odd!
Father: Nonsense Leo, you have a perfectly normal head like all the other children.
(to his wife) What is wrong with our child?
Mother: Leo, darling, come away from the mirror.
Leo: But mother, it's GROTESQUE! I want a symmetrical head!
Mother: Come away from that mirror this instant! We are taking you to the doctor.
Leo: To have my head fixed? ^.^
Mother: -_- No, to have it examined.
(After getting plastic surgery for a symmetrical face)
Leo: -caressing his face- PERRRRRRFECT! PERRRRFECT!
Ko: o.o Are his eyebrows symmetrical to his mustache?
Vix: They're like mirror images!
Ko: What is wrong with this man? I bet his fired his therapist for
"not understanding true beauty!" -sexy hair flip-
Vix: Maybe it's a toupee.
Ko: A SYMMETRICAL toupee.
Vix: I bet he beats his butler if something is not symmetrical.
Leo: Look at this mess! Look at it! How can you live this way, you slob!
I hire you to clean my house, to keep things in order!
Leo: I will not stand for this insubordination! -dramatic slap of doom- Now,
use the symmetrical soaps to clean this mess like I told you to! And make sure you
scrape the soap so it's perfectly square again. I WANT NO TRIANGLES IN THIS HOUSE!
Ko: I bet he enlongated his ears to make them symmetrical. Went down to like, Africa
or something.
(While in the bath) Leo: GEORGE! (the butler) Where is symmetrical soap shaver? There
are triangles in my bath! I told you no triangles, ever! Now I have to do it myself!
Leo: (to monkey man) You sir, are the most unsymmetrical thing I have ever had the displeasure of
encountering. Leave my villa and never darken my doorway again.
Leo: (after Conan wins the riddle) GEORGE! GEOOOOOORGE! Bring me my symmetrical
bath robe! I need to CLEAANNNNSE myself.
Vix: Who the fuck has a symmetrical bathrobe? Are even bathrobes even able to be
symmetrical?
Leo: Few ever go in my gallery.
Vix: Because their brain isn't symmetrical enough to solve my riddles!
Ko: Because it's full of child porn! Don't go by yourself!
"I'm sure plenty of young couples became young families after going to my theatre."
Vix: O.o Did he just imply couples fucked in his theatre?
Ko: I didn't think that...>.> Till now.
"Investigating a robbery of a hundred lbs of gunpowder and other bomb-making materials"
Dude: Oh god, why didn't I lock that?! (in the most whiny voice ever)
(Guy getting humped by a dog in the park): I knew your name was Humpy at the store,
but I thought that was a nicknaaaaaame...agh! No! Don't just sit there, help me Frank!
Stop laughing, you asshole!
"A nice man with a moustache gave it to us!"
Ko: Because we accept anything from strangers!
Vix: If he said his penis was a toy, would they take it?
Ko: Where would they go with it?
Vix: There's more than one definition for take.
Ko: ...ew.
(after seeing a milk truck) Ko: MIILLLLLK!
Vix: O.o What?
Ko: There was a milk truck.
(after Conan deposits the second bomb safely on a riverbank and get hit by a tree)
TREE! FLAWLESS VICTORY! (Mortal Kombat voice)
Doctor: So, you wanna go to dinner next Sat?
Nurse: Doctor, I've told you before: I'm not interested. Don't make me file a restraining order.
Doctor: Darn! Foiled again.
Nurse: Doctor, I can hear you.
"Maybe he has a jilted lover." "Only if his lover is a man."
Vix: Inspector Maguire is full of win. Thank you for being retarded, Richard.
(Guys at the train control center): Oh dear god! I knew I should have taken another
computer course! What the hell do these buttons do?!
"I wish I could be more help Detective."
Leo: But it's time for my symmetrical wax. GEORGE! ARE YOU DONE HEATING THE WAX?!
BE SURE TO USE THE SYMMETRICAL STOVE THIS TIME! I can tell the difference!
Ko: Poor George.
"Hold the phone!"
Maguire: But...I am holding it.
(after Leo gets arrested): GEORGE!!! Don't think you're fired just because I'm
going to jail. You shall accompany me. And BRING THE WAX! >:D
"Jimmy, why do you always run off like this?"
Ko: Because he has a fear of commitment.
Theme for this movie: It's not symmetrical damn it! I need to blow this up so no one can see
my fail! UGHFBDJ! -boom-
Humanity: lol, wut?
(After seeing Prof Leo Joel)
Vix: His head!
Ko: The mustache!
Vix: It shouldn't be shaped like that! No one's head is shaped like that!
His head is super long, with a pointy chin, and a flat face!
Ko: I think he's symmetrical...-measures- He is! I bet he had plastic surgery...
Leo: I want a symmetrical face!
Doctor: But sir, it's unheard of!
Leo: I don't care! Do it, damn it!
Ko: And his childhood was probably even worse...
-Childhood-
Leo: Father, my head is so odd!
Father: Nonsense Leo, you have a perfectly normal head like all the other children.
(to his wife) What is wrong with our child?
Mother: Leo, darling, come away from the mirror.
Leo: But mother, it's GROTESQUE! I want a symmetrical head!
Mother: Come away from that mirror this instant! We are taking you to the doctor.
Leo: To have my head fixed? ^.^
Mother: -_- No, to have it examined.
(After getting plastic surgery for a symmetrical face)
Leo: -caressing his face- PERRRRRRFECT! PERRRRFECT!
Ko: o.o Are his eyebrows symmetrical to his mustache?
Vix: They're like mirror images!
Ko: What is wrong with this man? I bet his fired his therapist for
"not understanding true beauty!" -sexy hair flip-
Vix: Maybe it's a toupee.
Ko: A SYMMETRICAL toupee.
Vix: I bet he beats his butler if something is not symmetrical.
Leo: Look at this mess! Look at it! How can you live this way, you slob!
I hire you to clean my house, to keep things in order!
Leo: I will not stand for this insubordination! -dramatic slap of doom- Now,
use the symmetrical soaps to clean this mess like I told you to! And make sure you
scrape the soap so it's perfectly square again. I WANT NO TRIANGLES IN THIS HOUSE!
Ko: I bet he enlongated his ears to make them symmetrical. Went down to like, Africa
or something.
(While in the bath) Leo: GEORGE! (the butler) Where is symmetrical soap shaver? There
are triangles in my bath! I told you no triangles, ever! Now I have to do it myself!
Leo: (to monkey man) You sir, are the most unsymmetrical thing I have ever had the displeasure of
encountering. Leave my villa and never darken my doorway again.
Leo: (after Conan wins the riddle) GEORGE! GEOOOOOORGE! Bring me my symmetrical
bath robe! I need to CLEAANNNNSE myself.
Vix: Who the fuck has a symmetrical bathrobe? Are even bathrobes even able to be
symmetrical?
Leo: Few ever go in my gallery.
Vix: Because their brain isn't symmetrical enough to solve my riddles!
Ko: Because it's full of child porn! Don't go by yourself!
"I'm sure plenty of young couples became young families after going to my theatre."
Vix: O.o Did he just imply couples fucked in his theatre?
Ko: I didn't think that...>.> Till now.
"Investigating a robbery of a hundred lbs of gunpowder and other bomb-making materials"
Dude: Oh god, why didn't I lock that?! (in the most whiny voice ever)
(Guy getting humped by a dog in the park): I knew your name was Humpy at the store,
but I thought that was a nicknaaaaaame...agh! No! Don't just sit there, help me Frank!
Stop laughing, you asshole!
"A nice man with a moustache gave it to us!"
Ko: Because we accept anything from strangers!
Vix: If he said his penis was a toy, would they take it?
Ko: Where would they go with it?
Vix: There's more than one definition for take.
Ko: ...ew.
(after seeing a milk truck) Ko: MIILLLLLK!
Vix: O.o What?
Ko: There was a milk truck.
(after Conan deposits the second bomb safely on a riverbank and get hit by a tree)
TREE! FLAWLESS VICTORY! (Mortal Kombat voice)
Doctor: So, you wanna go to dinner next Sat?
Nurse: Doctor, I've told you before: I'm not interested. Don't make me file a restraining order.
Doctor: Darn! Foiled again.
Nurse: Doctor, I can hear you.
"Maybe he has a jilted lover." "Only if his lover is a man."
Vix: Inspector Maguire is full of win. Thank you for being retarded, Richard.
(Guys at the train control center): Oh dear god! I knew I should have taken another
computer course! What the hell do these buttons do?!
"I wish I could be more help Detective."
Leo: But it's time for my symmetrical wax. GEORGE! ARE YOU DONE HEATING THE WAX?!
BE SURE TO USE THE SYMMETRICAL STOVE THIS TIME! I can tell the difference!
Ko: Poor George.
"Hold the phone!"
Maguire: But...I am holding it.
(after Leo gets arrested): GEORGE!!! Don't think you're fired just because I'm
going to jail. You shall accompany me. And BRING THE WAX! >:D
"Jimmy, why do you always run off like this?"
Ko: Because he has a fear of commitment.
Theme for this movie: It's not symmetrical damn it! I need to blow this up so no one can see
my fail! UGHFBDJ! -boom-
Humanity: lol, wut?