Tidal Wave 6/6

[kokoro2]

Title: Tidal Wave (written version)
Pairings: USUK
Rating: T
Warnings: Swearing, vague mentions of emotional abuse, real people interacting, blogging, mentions of sexual situations
Summary: Sometimes courage and love washes over you like a tidal wave.
This chapter: They finally meet.


I remember when Alfred's username first popped up on my fanfiction account's alert, and how truly little I noticed it. I noted he had favorite everything of mine, followed all of my ongoing projects, put me as his favorite author, and left simple reviews that ranged from "awesum" to "I luvd this!", and I ignored him for the most part. Then he began following me on tumblr, and I tried to push his existence out of my mind.

He was pushy, energetic, and seemed like the type of person I wouldn't voluntarily associate with. His overbearing nature and tendency to worship my every action had me on edge, especially because he didn't know me.

Then again, no one did, and I quite liked it that way. I enjoyed this bubble of being the enigmatic "authoress" that intimated people with "her" quiet façade. My Alice persona, based off of my dead sister, was a perfect mask to distance myself from everyone online. It was easiest that way. Who could I trust when they were only seen as a tiny icon in my mind, and their words were to be taken at face value? There was no way to build a true friendship, I felt.

So how did Alfred slip through my barriers, unmask me, and have me fall in love with him?

If I were to be honest with myself, I'd say it was because I let him. The more he idolized Alice, the more I wanted him to see Arthur. It could have started by the simple fact that time and again he would stay despite my anger and horrid temper that usually drove "friends" away. Subconsciously I felt safer armed with this knowledge that he would stay, and then I took that all for granted.

My lies escalated until he admitted to liking me, Arthur, but not my other "me", Alice. Sometimes I think my therapist worried I was developing bi-polar disorder or multiple personalities, but she never voiced her fears. Imagine her relief when I shed Alice for Arthur, and slowly became more honest.

That's how I ended up on a flight across the Atlantic to America to see Alfred, and nearly twelve hours of being on a plane, I was landing in Colorado Springs Airport at four in the afternoon, after having taken a smaller plane transfer from Denver International Airport. I had managed roughly three hours of sleep, but that had done little to soothe my aching head and unsettled stomach. I was excited to be in America for the first time in my life, but it was all the knots of sheer fear that controlled all of my emotions.

I had just agreed to trust another person with my well-being for two weeks in a foreign land where I knew no one and, if Alfred rejected me, I had nowhere to go. Plus, there was that lingering cloud commandeering practically all of my thoughts of Alfred taking one look at me and turning away.

However, I kept a stiff upper lip. I was English, after all. I do not retreat, and I was tired of hiding.

Alfred was beautiful. Even before I knew my feelings for him, I found him attractive. Seeing him on Skype only confirmed it when I could see his face break into a bright smile, his eyes light up, and a tint of red dust his freckled cheeks. Now I was getting the chance to see all of that in person.

He was standing with a sign that read "Queen of Spades", and I had half a mind to turn right back around and spend another twelve hours on a plane back to England. As luck would have it, though, Alfred had spotted me. He began shouting my name and waving his hand wildly about, as if I couldn't see hm. The stares I received were nothing short of humiliating.

"Alfred," I hissed, keeping my head bent low. "Would you stop that?!"

In retrospect, that was probably one of the worst first impression anyone could give. For a horrifying moment, Alfred looked insulted enough to leave. There went my chance at happiness, I thought. It's a good thing I'm still in the bloody airport. I continued to mentally berate myself, practically striking myself in the gut, and almost missed Alfred's reaction.

He barked out a laugh that startled me back to reality. "You're just as adorable in person as you are online!"

My face blossomed into a deep crimson; a shade I hated letting anyone see. I gripped my suitcase's handle as I moved to brush past Alfred. "Come off it. I'm tired and we still a ways to drive to your house, as I understand it."

I didn't get far, for Alfred had wrapped me up in the tightest hug I've ever received. I was never one for wanting to have others invade my personal space all that often and rarely even hugged my own family. However, Alfred had, yet again, managed to push right through that wall. I felt myself settling into the hold Alfred had on me, and I knew everything would be okay.I've faced bullies, rejection, social ostracization, and flat out hated for being, well, me. The Internet had always been my solace; a place where people could only yell at me behind anonymity, so it was easier to brush off. And I could indulge in things no one expected me to enjoy, such as gay romance stories. To say I was curious about homosexuality is a huge understatement, but who could I talk to that wasn't my cousin who lived hundreds of miles away? Even my best friend was too quiet for me to guess if I could reveal such a secret to him knowing he wouldn't run away like I was some strange creature.

Then I thought I'd be okay because I'd met Alice and I figured I wouldn't have to explain anything to anyone. Well, that is, I "met" her on tumblr, and I hadn't even see her face. I didn't think that mattered, though. She was witty and open-minded and smarter than anyone I knew at school, but her cold exterior made me nervous that I would never be allowed into her realm to be a friend. I should have stopped, other people probably would have, and I almost gave up many times, but it was her stories that made me stay.

An artist always shows themselves through their work, I'd know seeing as I paint and draw. Writing is an art form, so I knew Alice had left bits and pieces of herself in her stories. I could see she was in similar pain. There was that hidden inability to feel safe and secure with herself and in the world around her. I thought, if nothing else, I could let her know she had a friend online.

Only, that didn't go so well.

My image of our becoming friends was that it would cure her of all of her sadness and loneliness, and we'd be great pals, and she might even consider me somewhat of a hero. When that all fell flat, it was hard to get back up again, or even try another round of showing her I meant no ill will. But damn if she didn't make it easy.

And one day, she just opened up. While I started to like her, I knew she wouldn't care in the way I wanted. It sucked, to say the least, but I eventually came to terms with it. Alice just never cared about me. I think that's why I liked Arthur so much right away. He noticed me, was more receptive, and I just felt better with him.

I always felt I had something to prove to Alice because she was this popular author I admired. Almost everything I said or did, I second guessed myself because I thought Alice would scoff at me and dismiss my actions- dismiss me or just brush me off.

That wasn't the case with Arthur. He would laugh at me, and I knew that even if I acted stupid, he'd never treat me like Alice had. He had a much warmer personality that made it easier for everyone to open up to. Even Alice's followers enjoyed talking to Arthur compared to Alice, which is pretty sad.

As it turned out, Alice and Arthur was the same person, and my entire world imploded. The person that, while I admired, was also intimated by, was the same guy I felt myself falling for. Again, I should've left, should have run, severed all ties with him and protected myself, but I had a mission. Alice or Arthur, or whoever, had written those sad stories as a means to escape solitude, and my leaving would make him worse. I couldn't do that out of moral responsibility. I had been there before. I was no different. Sure I hadn't lied about who I was, but not everyone on the Internet could be so open like me.

Instead of running away or chasing after him, I offered. If Arthur was willing to be honest with me, maybe he would want to try and be happy too. Not with me even, just in general. I didn't care how, but I know he deserves it.

Now he was here, with me, in my Bronco truck as we headed out of the airport back to my parent's house, not as a friend, but as my boyfriend. When we arranged for his visit I had insisted that he land in Denver to avoid taking another flight, and I would just pick him up, but when Arthur learned how far the drive would be for me, he insisted he just take a short flight to the closer airport. It didn't matter now. He was finally here!

I played the Cars 2 theme song "Collision of Worlds" to ease our nerves. Arthur looked at the radio, and then to me which made me start singing along. After one verse, Arthur rolled his eyes and began laughing.

"Sing the Brit guy's part!" I said, nudging Arthur.

"You dolt!" I knew it wasn't in insult; even online I knew. He kept smiling as if he'd never find a reason not to ever again.

My chest swelled in happiness. If I hadn't been driving, I'd have reached over and kissed him. As it was, I just held his hand the duration of the trip. It was the least I could do seeing as my body craved to be closer to him in any way possible. I'd have preferred to have in back in my arms like at the airport, where he relaxed against my chest and sighed near my ear in a way that had me grinning, but this would do too.

"You're as beautiful in person as you are online," I blurted out. From my peripheral vision I saw Arthur tense at this, but the light squeeze to my hand and the blush that went to the tip of his ears was reassuring enough for me that he wasn't really upset by this.

"Idiot…," he muttered, looking out the window to hide his flushed face. I knew we'd be okay.
Alfred probably thought of me as calm and sensible the duration of the car ride. If that was the case, then he was a fool. My hands were clammy, my heart was thundering so hard in my chest it was quite possible to see it thumping through my shirt, and the blush on my cheeks never faded. That was just the affect Alfred had on me. I still smelled rather foul from the plane ride, my hair was a tousled mess from my horrid sleep, and I knew my eyes were bloodshot. In short, I was a wreck. So why had he called me beautiful?

Thousands of doubts pulsated through my mind; what if the Jones' hated me, what if there was a confrontation while I was here, what if that caused Alfred and I to fight, and then he kicked me out? Ultimately, I thought about where we would be and what we would do once my stay was over. Alfred claimed he had bought his airline ticket already so that he could follow me back to England for two weeks, but if things turned sour he could easily cancel them.

We pulled up to his house, and I realized that I really was in America. His house would've been two or three houses back home. It sat on a large acre of land with plenty of room to grow for their two-story house. The paint job looked off-white compared to the pure fluff of the snow surrounding it, but the bright blue trim made it charming. Bare trees covered in snow lined a clear walkway that led up to the front door. So far it seemed harmless, for now.

"I shoveled the front walk this morning for you," Alfred said suddenly. I was startled out of my thoughts. "And I put salt all over the place, so don't worry about slipping."

"Thank you," I mumbled lamely. The car came to a halt and I felt my heart plummet right out of my body.

"Home, sweet home." Alfred grinned cheekily at me. "I've always wanted to say that."

He laughed, but I was too tight with nerves to copy him. I just got out of the truck and went to the backseat to grab my suitcase, but Alfred was faster. He winked at me with such a charming smile, I nearly choked on air. Instead, I slammed the door and headed for the house. Again, Alfred was faster.

He slid up beside me and took my hand in his. I was surprised by this action. He was so forward I almost felt the same overwhelming shyness start to take me over like when we had first met online. However, I knew that was to be expected given by his blunt personality. I was surprised by my reaction to him just as much, not only in the sense that I welcomed his touches and close proximity, but that I saw it as something I could easily welcome into my life.

Just before we reached the door, I felt a tug on my scarf from behind. I turned to look, only to find Alfred leaning in towards me, his hand pulling me by my scarf right to his lips. Then, he kissed me. It was short, and probably horrible given how many snoggings I've had in my time, but that wasn't what mattered to me. It was different than those of the past. I was so used to them being harsh and messy and not about intimacy, but just for the sake of kissing.

This, however, was different, in all the best ways possible.

Suddenly, the door flung open. I nearly toppled over trying to get away from Alfred as Mrs. Jones stood in the doorway. Briefly, I worried that she had seen us, but when she smiled warmly at us I knew she couldn't have. Otherwise she'd probably be revolted or upset to see us kissing on her front porch. The Jones might know we're a couple, but speaking doesn't always equate to actions.

Alfred sprang into action. He introduced me to his mother and his mother to me. We shook hands and she gestured for us to come inside. I was grateful for this seeing as the inside of the house was about forty degrees warmer thanks in large to a lively fire in the living room's fireplace. That's where I saw Alfred's cat, Ace, whom I had seen numerous times on webcam and through pictures on tumblr. He was even bigger in person.

"Ace, meet Arthur!" Alfred exclaimed. Amazingly, his cat seemed to understand this. He jumped up and trotted to me, his tail erect in curiosity. He sniffed my wet shoes, and must have deemed me suitable because then he wound his body between my legs, purring loudly.

I chuckled and bent to pet behind the white cat's ears. "Charming," I said gently. "But he's still fat."

"He's lost weight, actually. We have him on a diet." Alfred picked up the cat, and then held him out to me. "Here."

"Oh, no, that's okay. Thank you, though." Backing away, I looked around at the décor.

It had modern architecture with its high ceilings and arched doorways, but the furniture almost felt like they belonged in an old farmhouse. Thankfully there was no floral print or lace, but the two large couches were worn and the rocking chairs facing the fire place were probably older than me. On the mantle of the fireplace were knick-knacks of small ceramic angels that Alfred had once explained to me his mother collects. Intermingled with them were pictures of the family through-out the years ranging from fishing and hiking trips to school photos of Alfred as he grew up. Somehow, this made me smile. It was so simple to envision Alfred growing up here, and it all clicked within me.

This was a home.
Arthur seemed to meld right in with my family perfectly. Once my dad came home from work and met him, we sat at the dining room table for dinner. It was rare we did so seeing as we often just sat in front of the T.V., so it was a little awkward. Arthur, however, made it easier for us to have a conversation. It felt like a real family, and I couldn't stop smiling.

He was focused on looking at all of the pictures on the walls, pointing out the more embarrassing ones of me when I was young, and asking questions about family members. Aside from my parents he only knew about Matthew, my Canadian cousin. When I was in the hospital after being attacked by students from my school, Matthew was the only one who kept contact between me and Arthur.

Thinking back to that time I wondered how scared Arthur had been. It never sat well in my stomach. We hadn't begun dating at that point, and we weren't on the best of terms really seeing as Arthur had just come clean to me about his identity. Through this incident, however, I was able to move past the pain of Arthur's lies. It was more important that I make-up with Arthur as soon as possible. There were more important things in life than holding a grudge.

I took Arthur's hand in mine, startling him. He still wasn't used to physical contact, I guess. It was cute to see his eyes look so surprised, only to soften when he realized it was just me. "Lemme show you to your room."

Arthur nodded and followed along. I had a furnished basement with a bedroom and connecting bathroom, so he was to stay down there. Two floors away from me. My parents had been very firm in telling me "we approve of you two, but none of that while you're under our roof". Thank God they didn't say that in front of Arthur. I probably would have melted into a puddle of sheer horror if they had.

The basement had an entertainment center with my video games and a large flat screen T.V. and a pool table off to the side. I knew we'd spend the majority of Arthur's stay down here seeing as it was so cold outside. Thanks winter. I don't think Arthur would mind too much, though. He always seemed like the indoor-type of guy, being an online hermit like me and all. But that didn't mean I wouldn't take him out hiking and snowboarding.

We dumped his things in his room and I made a move. I really wanted to kiss him again. Our first kiss was so short and my mom scared us half to death when she popped out. I hope she wasn't snooping. I wanted to improve on that last kiss. I know Arthur has kissed guys before me, so I had a ways to go before I could be considered good, or even suitable.

Arthur was my first kiss, ever. With a guy or a girl, it was the first time. His lips were so soft. I'd have thought them girl's (if I knew what theirs felt like), and I really liked the feel of them on mine. I liked feeling the warmth of his face as he blushed and how he closed his eyes, leaning in to my touch. Then, his fingers lightly grabbed at my arms, and I swear I was floating. He gripped me like he would fall over if he didn't.

I wound an arm around his back and pulled him closer. Our chests bumped lightly, and Arthur made a soft noise. I pulled back in surprise. I'd never heard him make that noise before. It was nothing short of adorable. Then I saw him. His eyes were at half-mast and his lips were puckered from having just kissed me. I leaned in to continue the kiss, and those eyes closed. I knew then I loved him.

"ALFRED! ARTHUR!" Oh damnit, mom. "Dinner!"

Arthur sighed and stepped back. I don't think he looked relieved, but I noticed his shoulders had sagged when there was distance between us. Was he nervous? Why? He'd had a boyfriend before; kind of, not really- butt buddy that used him? Whatever Francis had been to him, Arthur had been in much more intimate moments with that guy than me. What did he have to be nervous about? I was the internal wreck here. Here was the most amazing and beautiful guy in, well, ever in my house with puckered lips and amazing eyes and soft lips, and he was the nervous one? Not fair.

"Shall we?" he asked, fiddling with his shirt and avoiding my gaze.

I took his hand and lead him back up the stairs. My mom was sitting down to dinner just as my dad filled our plates at the table. They smiled at us, not even glancing at our joined hands. I was grateful my parents took our relationship so well, but not well enough to let us sleep in the same bed. In actuality, that was probably for the best. I was way too nervous to do much else than kiss him, but sometimes I had dreams.

Hey, I'm a teenaged guy, what'd'ya expect from me?
Alfred wanted to take me places during my stay in Colorado. He was excited to go hiking and to head into Denver for a day trip, and all sorts of other activities. I was overwhelmed by his overbearing personality, and surprised he could keep it going at all times of the day. At least I wasn't bored.

However, Alfred forgot to take into account the altitude difference. I came from an area closer to sea level than mile high Denver. I was sick the first two days I was in town. Alfred fretted over me, but, really, all I needed was rest and lots of fluids. Alfred's parents were understanding during this time and helped me get back to my feet. I was incredibly grateful for their kindness.

One day they left in the middle of the day to fetch some more food for dinner that night. Alfred ate more than anyone else in the house; such was the nature of his growing body and energetic personality. It made me smile just thinking about what a wild boy he was.

But he wasn't a boy. He was a young man. It was evident from the defining jawline he was gaining, the strong shoulders, and the way his shoulder blades pressed against the confines of his shirt, outlining a rather muscular back. I licked my lips in thought of what this man looked like underneath it all. He still had the eyes of a child, but I knew better.

Anyone that had gone through so much in just a year could not still be considered a boy.

"Alfred?" Said man looked over with a smile. I hovered by the doorway to Alfred's bedroom. When I had first seen it, I wanted to laugh, but it truly was so like him. Covered in posters of superheroes and replicas of famous artwork, it truly was his world. "I… I feel better."

"Great!" Alfred jumped up, ready to move over to hug me, when he stopped. My heart tugged painfully. I wanted to feel Alfred holding me once more. We hardly had since arriving at Alfred's house. We were too anxious around his parents. It was strange to want someone to be so close to me when I had never wanted it before, but here I was, craving for Alfred's touch. "Um, you wanna do something?"

I blushed, but nodded. "Yes. I feel like I've been such a bother with how sick I've been these past few days."

Alfred waved it off. "Oh, don't be like that, honey. You're not a bother. I…kinda liked taking care of you while I'm able to for once, ya know? Nothing between us. I felt really useful to you, finally."

I hesitated in my reply. "You've always been useful… Not to make you sound like a tool, but… Yes. You have always been someone that has helped me."

"But… I made you so mad…and the pills."

I hated the distance between us right now. Even the slightest bit was too much. I crossed the space and pressed into Alfred's chest, wrapping my arms around him. Thinking back on those dark days of delusions and harsh cold from my own seclusion made me want to vanish into Alfred where I knew I was safe from the harmful effects of my own mind.

"Hush now. The pills were my own doing and to counteract the depression I'd fallen into. And the times we'd fought were when we first got to know each other. Things are different now. They're…better."

Alfred hugged me tightly. His heartbeat was pounding loudly against my ear. It made me smile. I knew the feelings were reciprocated. It wasn't a lie. Alfred didn't lie.

"I love you," Alfred whispered. He kissed my forehead as a way to make me look up. "I love you."

I smiled, and touched Alfred's cheek. "I love you too… Now kiss me."
Our first hiking trip didn't go as well as I had hoped. Arthur was unused to such a terrain, and the fact it had snowed made it worse. But I was slow and covered over Arthur's sour mood with pictures and explanations of the general area. It helped, somewhat, but the ride back home wasn't pleasant. I couldn't help but blame myself for this ruined first date. I wanted it to be romantic too, and I really should have known that hiking was not romantic.

I had no idea just what Arthur thought of me. Maybe he wanted to go home. Maybe he thought this was a mistake. Maybe he hated me. That depressed me to the point of silence as I drove home. Arthur glanced at me now and again, but I was too consumed in his self-deprecating thoughts to think of much else, let alone strike up a conversation.

"Alfred… I… I had a good time."

I chuckled. "You don't need to lie. It's okay. We don't have to go hiking again. I just…got excited, that's all."

"But I did have a good time," Arthur pressed. "It was…our first real date and, while it wasn't ideal, it was with you. That's what counts. That's why I'm here."

My face was burning hot, and even my ears felt uncomfortable from the amount of heat. I gripped the steering wheel for fear I'd drive us right off the street. My mouth was dry while my mind was on overtime as it thought up anything to say in reply. It all sounded stupid and cheesy. I know Arthur is a hopeless romantic, but there are limits.

I pulled off to the side of the road, put the truck in park, unbuckled myself, and leaned over to kiss Arthur on the mouth hard. I was a little too overzealous and our teeth clanked against each other. Arthur snapped away with a slight hiss. I worried what to do next after such an embarrassing and bold reaction, when Arthur took my face into his hands and pulled me back for another kiss.

It was perfect. No one there to walk in on us. No one to see us. It was just me and Arthur, passionately kissing as a means to show this was real. We were here and it was now.

Alfred snuck into my bedroom one night. I pulled back the sheets and invited him in. We didn't do anything other than kiss and stare at each other. The sliver of moonlight made Alfred's eyes glow in the dark room. I traced the curve of Alfred's smile with my fingertips, memorizing them.

"You're beautiful," Alfred mumbled. He took my hand in his, kissing the back of it. "I never thought a guy could be beautiful, but…"

I smiled. I was no longer afraid to show it anymore, not to Alfred or myself. "You're utterly brilliant, you are. I never thought such a wild and infuriating person such as yourself could manage to capture my heart, and yet here we are."

"I'll take that as a compliment."
I drove Arthur to the edge of a mountain to overlook the natural beauty of my state. I had a plan. I laid a blanket on the bed of my truck and climbed up, pulling Arthur with me. We wrapped ourselves up in another blanket, keeping warm, as we stared into the everlasting purity of the white, white snow. For a while it was as if the entirety of the world had vanished, leaving only us alone in our own world.

That was when I made my move. I started by kissing Arthur, gently at first, and then a little more and more as time went on. Arthur responded well. He arched his back to press more firmly against me, even as he was being laid down. Soon, my hand was under Arthur's shirt, and I was undressing him. His skin was chilled from the air and I felt goosebumps rise as his nipples became harder. I knew it wasn't from being aroused, but it was a sight to behold. I couldn't keep my mouth off of them.

"You…planned this, didn't you?"

I could only smile.

It was an exhilarating thought; to be the only ones left in the world. As if it were an apocalypse, or zombies ruled the world, and this was our only form of release. Our only salvation was each other. Our sanity depended on each other.
I called Alfred's name in a whispered moan as my hands gripped and pulled on his bare back. I was overjoyed by the sight of a naked Alfred over him. The daydreams I'd had of Alfred over the course of the week had not given the American quite enough justice. Judging from the way Alfred admired me, looking me over as if I were made of glass, perhaps Alfred felt the same. If I thought it strange to want to be closer to Alfred, I had no proper definition for what it felt like to see a man stare at me with such adoration. I wasn't scared, not anymore, but I felt…whole.

"Sometimes I feel like this was all meant to happen," I said as we lay inside the car on the backseat. It had gotten too cold outside, but we weren't ready to go home just yet. "As if this has happened many times before."

"You think so?" Alfred shifted to prop his head up with his hand. He lay on his side so he could see me better. "You and your love of Doctor Who and alternative universes and stuff."

I flushed. "Yes, well, it is interesting to think about, nonetheless."

"Why don't we think about now?" Alfred asked. He kissed my cheek.

"I am," I said with a smile. "How could I not?"

"Do you wonder about…our future?" Alfred asked slowly, uncertainly.

I thought about it for a moment. I had, of course, but not to great lengths. At length he said, "Yes…and no. It's still too far away."

"What do you mean?" Alfred chuckled. "Our future could be just going home or next week or even next year. It's not too far away at all."

"It is for me." I caressed Alfred's soft skin, remembering how it felt to be joined with such a beautiful man a short while ago. I imagined a life where that was common, where me and Alfred could escape to each other under sheets and to warm cups of tea and coffee and be enveloped in hugs and kisses and never having to part. It seemed like such a sweet dream of a future, but that was all it was right now. "It is because we cannot do anything other than these few trips to see each other. Not until I graduate, at least."

Alfred frowned. "But I'm moving."

"Moving?"

Nodding, Alfred said, "I've decided. I'm going to transfer to some school in England to be with you."

I shot up. Fear made my heart race, and the cold didn't even feel so bad as the cold smacked me in the chest. I clutched my blanket closer to my body. "No, you absolutely must not!"

Alfred sat up as well. The blanket slipped off of his shoulders, so he snatched it away and wrapped it around me, despite the fact I already had a blanket around me. "You think we can go back to normal once we leave each other? I don't think I can live without you anymore."

"Darling, you made it fine without me for nineteen years."

"But, it's changed. I've changed."

I shook his head vehemently. "You don't even know what art schools there are in England. On the off chance any are close to me are few and far in between, I'm sure. Bolder is a much more qualified art school for you. And you love it here."

"Not as much as I love you."

I sighed, slightly aggravated. I knew Alfred was a hopeless romantic, but there are limits.

I removed the extra blanket and put it back round Alfred's broad shoulders. My hands lingered on his skin for a moment. Then, I smiled. "You're beautiful, you really are. I've never felt so much love from one person. It's…scary at times, and mostly I never feel adequate or that I can say how I feel properly. I'm not sure where this is even coming from right now, but listen to me, Alfred. This is important.

"You cannot drop your life for me. You just can't. Do not ever put everything on top of me like that. If you move to England, your parents will hold me accountable for your wellbeing. And if you dropped out of school or did poorly, that would possibly reflect on me. Not only that, but I would blame myself for your moving in the first place. You belong here. We belong together, yes, and we will be, but now is not the time to live life like on the Internet. Things cannot get better with just words alone. The real world is full of actions."

"And I wanna fulfill my words with actions," Alfred started. I put a hand up to stop him.

"And you will, as long as we remain in touch and occasionally see each other, but we can't base our future off of what happens now, when you're a freshman in school. It's not the smart and logical thing to do."

"Love isn't about being smart and logical."

"For the real world, yes it is. Or it should be for our generation." I huffed as he looked outside. It had been foolish of me to think this was all perfect and that we were alone in a world that was ours. This was reality. I couldn't keep living thinking that my life was a book or a movie, and neither could Alfred. Being social hermits on a "social" media had made us fall into the trap of never having to change because the Internet never did. Oh, but it did. It did daily. We just chose not to see it. It was easier that way; easier to lie.

"You mustn't make a rash decision based on emotion right now. Both of our emotions are all over the place. We…just made love, and… well, we're on a high. I understand this. Oh, what I wouldn't give to make that all a reality, my darling, but please. You must think more rationally about this."

Alfred looked to his lap, defeated. I knew I had to say it all, but I wished I hadn't. It broke the mood.

"Okay…," Alfred said finally. "Okay, I'll think about it more, but… I do want to be with you."

"As do I." I put his hands on Alfred's, squeezing lightly. I attempted a small smile to reassure my boyfriend. "This isn't the end, and I'm not saying you can't ever move to me, or me to you. I'm just saying not to think this is some story that ends when our time together for this vacation is over. This is important. We have to think clearly here…"

Alfred nodded and smiled, finally looking up at me. "You're right. This is important. I don't want to mess it up. I'd do anything to be with you, even wait a few more years."

"Good." And I believed him.

On the way back home, Alfred asked me, "Where did all of that come from anyways? You're always so… I guess shy? But you never come off that strong."

I smiled down at the fingers interlaced with mine. I focused on that warmth, and all of Alfred I knew was still inside of me. I thought of that loud heart pounding in my head and how it reverberated all down my entirety. Then, I thought of a year ago when I was so cold, but not like I was cold now. I was cold and scared then. Right now, I felt cold and alive.

"I guess you could say I was blind, but now I can see, because I'd found a new hope. Courage swept over me. Didn't you once say that's like…a tidal wave?"

Alfred laughed loudly. "Yeah! I did say that! A tidal wave of certainty and courage."
Hoshiko2's cents: So! Here it is! Finally! I apologize for such a long wait, but I wanted this to be long to cover the majority of the bases. I hope I fulfilled it.

Thank you everyone for following their blog and for reading up on all of the updates. I hope you enjoyed it! I know I had fun! Thank you!