These 4 Years - Pt. Love
To be real accurate, the title should be "Pt. Love Life" instead but it sounded cheesy, so I omitted "life".
It seems that I was still crushing on Nintendo when I wrote the Nozaki-kun post before I went on the long hiatus. Since then, I've went through two more crushes and am now back to my "normal" single life with no crushes, no potential partners, and loving it.
Love
My crush on Nintendo lasted for five years: the longest I've crushed on someone so far, and hopefully and possibly the last one that last that long. It wasn't that I really, really liked him, but being young and all, love wasn't exactly the first priority (as I was studying), so it was more of something I thought about off and on when I had free time. Thus I held on to the crush as other guys didn't seem to 'match up' to him-which brings me to the other part of "being young and all"-it also meant that I didn't quite understand what "love" really was. I was judging the rest by qualities that I wanted in someone and did not see them for who they really were. Yes I treated them as friends, but I'm talking in terms of potential partners here.
My thoughts on "love" have changed now though, thankfully. I still have the list of qualities that I admire, but it's very short and more about the person's heart and the way they think than anything else. I've also come to cherish people for who they are and to accept quirks and what others would deem as "weird" characteristics as part of them. In a way, you could say that I've grown more tolerant and appreciative.
Getting back to Nintendo, there was a time where I couldn't stand having the "what if" thoughts anymore, thus I picked up the courage to ask him out for a drink. He obliged-as a friend I suppose-and we talked the whole time about church and Christianity. At the end of that day, I felt that both of us didn't quite blend spiritually, so the feelings I had dissipated rather quickly soon after. I viewed the relationship more objectively, and decided to give up. The "what if" thoughts also stopped then.
I didn't have my next serious crush until two years later. With Nintendo, it felt like an uphill battle, tiring and tedious. I vowed myself to never be the one to chase ever again, but that vow was broken due to, what I think was, my obedience of others and the thinking that I could be wrong sometimes. I was attracted towards someone, didn't want to take action, but well-meaning folks gave their input and I followed suit. I chased: gave things, helped in some ways, and encouraged. It was at a point where I just somehow felt things won't work out, and gave up, because his heart was somewhere else, in another country.
The next crush happened the next year, a few months down the road. It is also the one that went deepest in my heart, for out of the three crushes, he was the one I knew the most, interacted with the most, and liked the most. Even now, though I want to let go, the feelings and thoughts of him are still here. Maybe I'll devote a post for it, because it was also a crush experience where I learned the most.
It seems that I was still crushing on Nintendo when I wrote the Nozaki-kun post before I went on the long hiatus. Since then, I've went through two more crushes and am now back to my "normal" single life with no crushes, no potential partners, and loving it.
Love
My crush on Nintendo lasted for five years: the longest I've crushed on someone so far, and hopefully and possibly the last one that last that long. It wasn't that I really, really liked him, but being young and all, love wasn't exactly the first priority (as I was studying), so it was more of something I thought about off and on when I had free time. Thus I held on to the crush as other guys didn't seem to 'match up' to him-which brings me to the other part of "being young and all"-it also meant that I didn't quite understand what "love" really was. I was judging the rest by qualities that I wanted in someone and did not see them for who they really were. Yes I treated them as friends, but I'm talking in terms of potential partners here.
My thoughts on "love" have changed now though, thankfully. I still have the list of qualities that I admire, but it's very short and more about the person's heart and the way they think than anything else. I've also come to cherish people for who they are and to accept quirks and what others would deem as "weird" characteristics as part of them. In a way, you could say that I've grown more tolerant and appreciative.
Getting back to Nintendo, there was a time where I couldn't stand having the "what if" thoughts anymore, thus I picked up the courage to ask him out for a drink. He obliged-as a friend I suppose-and we talked the whole time about church and Christianity. At the end of that day, I felt that both of us didn't quite blend spiritually, so the feelings I had dissipated rather quickly soon after. I viewed the relationship more objectively, and decided to give up. The "what if" thoughts also stopped then.
I didn't have my next serious crush until two years later. With Nintendo, it felt like an uphill battle, tiring and tedious. I vowed myself to never be the one to chase ever again, but that vow was broken due to, what I think was, my obedience of others and the thinking that I could be wrong sometimes. I was attracted towards someone, didn't want to take action, but well-meaning folks gave their input and I followed suit. I chased: gave things, helped in some ways, and encouraged. It was at a point where I just somehow felt things won't work out, and gave up, because his heart was somewhere else, in another country.
The next crush happened the next year, a few months down the road. It is also the one that went deepest in my heart, for out of the three crushes, he was the one I knew the most, interacted with the most, and liked the most. Even now, though I want to let go, the feelings and thoughts of him are still here. Maybe I'll devote a post for it, because it was also a crush experience where I learned the most.