Title: Blinded
Chapters: 5/x
Author:
konicoffee Genre: Romance, Drama, Smut, Angst, AU, AT
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters mentioned here.
Warnings: Very basic, no-frills writing. Lots of dialogue. And Evil Kai.
Rating: R
Pairings/Characters: Aoi/Uruha, The GazettE
Synopsis: He finally understood how Kouyou could stay nonchalant even in the most dreadful situations..
Comments: This one is written a little more crudely than the previous chapters. There aren't a lot of descriptions of imagery here, but there's plenty of dialogue for your imagination to work with. I hope that's okay. *bows*
Chapters: {
One } {
Two } {
Three } {
Four }
Yuu watched Yutaka slowly pull away from Kouyou. The drummer's words rang clear in Yuu's head. Don't think you can run away. His thoughts brimmed with questions. What did Yutaka have to do with Kouyou, and why is Kouyou so afraid of him? What stopped Kouyou, who looked much stronger than the drummer, from pushing him away?
I have to help Kouyou.
Yuu pushed the rehearsal studio door open, prompting the drummer to look in the brunette's general direction. "Ah, back for your guitar?" Dimples framed Yutaka's sugary grin. Yuu nodded, apologizing softly for being so forgetful, as he watched Yutaka head for the door. "I'm going on ahead. See you. Thank you for today."
The brunette's eyes shifted to Kouyou, who was obviously giving his all to crack a smile. "He's a kickass drummer, isn't he?" Kouyou remarked as he locked his guitar case, his pale face hooded by blonde hair. "He's learned all of our songs-"
"Who is he, Kouyou?"
"Yuu, what..."
"Who is he?" Yuu repeated, his voice slightly sharper, his gaze fixed on the blonde. Kouyou sighed as the smile he worked hard to construct slowly disappeared. "That guy," he paused, reaching for a cigarette.
"He's someone I knew a long time ago. Nothing more." The brunette's expression grew darker as he snatched the cigarette from Kouyou's fingers.
"The truth, Kouyou."
"What the fuck-"
"Who the hell is he?" Yuu asked, his voice almost growling now, his gaze from earlier now a scowl.
Kouyou was now frowning as well. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Kouyou snapped, taking his cigarette back. Seeming like he realized something, he started shaking his head. "Yuu, you don't think we were...oh no, Yuu, don't fucking go there."
"No, Kouyou, I don't think that," Yuu replied as he watched Kouyou light his cigarette. "And even if you did screw each other, I don't give a shit. But you better tell me why you're so fucking afraid of him."
Kouyou's eyes narrowed at Yuu as he exhaled a puff of smoke. "And where the hell did you get that idea?"
"It's only written all over your face."
"You're delusional, Yuu."
"Who's delusional? You're the one who's acting like the past never happened! You're the one who's acting like you conveniently forgot, among other things, how I fucking defiled you!" The brunette yelled as he grabbed Kouyou's shoulders. He gripped on Kouyou's shoulders firmly and looked at the blonde who was glaring at him. "Why the hell can't you stand up for yourself? Why...how could you let me do that to you?"
"So it's my fault now," Kouyou retorted, his glare stabbing the brunette. Yuu opened his mouth to answer, but Kouyou interrupted him. "Well I'm sorry that you crawled all over me and fucked my ass. Happy?"
Yuu kept silent, his scowl from earlier now totally dissolved. He stared blankly at Kouyou, unable to think of what to say. "As for why I'm trying to keep things normal," the blonde said, the lit cigarette in his hand shedding a small lump of ash. "It's because you, sir, are my goddamn friend. And I know the idea of being gay scares the bejesus out of you." Kouyou pushed Yuu's hands off his shoulders. Yuu still kept silent, watching the other guitarist lift his guitar case. "Don't worry, Yuu. I don't swing that way either. I'll never fall in love with you."
Kouyou's guitar case nudged Yuu's hip as the blonde headed for the door. "As for Yutaka, he's an acquaintance I admit I'm not particularly fond of," he said. "But I'll deal with that myself, if you don't mind. See you."
Not a word was said, and no tears fell. Yuu quietly watched Kouyou exit the studio, the sun setting outside, and the world around him slowly crumbling down.
"This is horrible," Akira grumbled as he took another bite from one of Yutaka's lunch boxes.
Yutaka grinned at the bassist. "And yet you continue to stuff your face," The drummer chuckled, ruffling the bassist's blonde hair. "I'll make something you would like next time. For now, bear with the vegetables, alright?" Akira continued eating Yutaka's homemade bento. It was light years better than anything he could make by himself anyway.
"Hey Yuu. The mutant we have for a drummer made bento for everyone. Grab a bite." Yuu turned around from the mixing console to see Kouyou handing him a bento box and a fork.
"Thanks," he said absentmindedly as he took the bento box from the blonde.
Yutaka was a mutant, Yuu thought. The guy has enough energy to make lunch for the band and the recording staff, and he still managed to record all his tracks flawlessly. Yuu then noticed Kouyou casually eating the contents of his own bento box and occasionally laughing at remarks from (or directed to) Yutaka. He was joking around with the same man he was so petrified of around a month ago.
He didn't dare to ask Kouyou about his past with Yutaka again. Not after the previous attempt that lead to a small, but quite ugly argument. In any event, Yuu thought, it looked like Kouyou had already moved on from whatever he had with the drummer. It appeared that Kouyou had moved on from their incident as well.
He still remembered what Kouyou said the last time he brought up the issue. I'll never fall in love with you.
Yuu sighed. That's a lot more mutant-material, if you ask me.
"Good job, idiot," Yuu muttered to himself as he walked on the colorful evening streets of Shinjuku, on his way to Kouyou's place. Kouyou left his Boss GT-5, his precious (and only) guitar effect processor, at Yuu's apartment. Kouyou was scheduled for tomorrow to record his tracks for Gazette's upcoming mini-album Cockayne Soup. He was given his schedule a few days ago, but he only remembered about his effect processor this afternoon.
Yuu was more than willing to deliver the little piece of equipment, if it weren't for how every corner of that apartment reminded him of that horrible night and the extremely awkward morning after. He hated the warm yellow light, the drywall on his ceilings, the books all neatly lined up on the shelf in his living room, the faint smell of cigarettes, and the white sheets on that soft bed. He hated how they all made him remember the taste of his kiss. His warm body. His racing heartbeat.
"GET OUT."
Yuu had found himself right in front of Kouyou's closed apartment door when he heard Kouyou yell from inside. The brunette quickly reached for the doorknob, but stopped turning it as he heard another voice.
"Now, now..."
It was Yutaka's. Yuu was puzzled now. They had been joking around yesterday and before that. He wanted to push the door open to break the fight, but something told him not to.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, darling," Yutaka uttered. "You were the one who came running to me, begging me to send you here. And that's exactly what I made possible. And you did tell me that you would give me anything."
"Shut the fuck up!" Kouyou growled from behind the door.
Yuu shuddered as he heard Yutaka laugh at an obviously pissed off Kouyou. "But it's true, honey. I brought you here," Yutaka chortled. "All I asked for was a bit of amusement, which you wholeheartedly agreed to give me." Yuu was shaking now, afraid of what else he would hear, but his head automatically moved closer to the door.
"You're a sick bastard," Kouyou hissed.
Yuu then heard footsteps, most likely from Yutaka, who probably walked closer to the blonde. "No, sweetheart," Yutaka chirped. "You were naive. And I was very, very bored."
"And you find amusement in toying with me. Like I said, SICK BASTARD."
"Oh, come on, it's fair, isn't it? You get to be with your dear friend in this world," the drummer said, the cheerfulness in his voice not leaving for a second. "And I, the Lord of Dreams since time immemorial, am no longer bored."
WHAT?
Yuu moved his head away from the door as he attempted to process everything he heard. Yutaka, who calls himself the King of Dreams, apparently sent Kouyou "here in this world" to be with a "friend." Yuu broke into a cold sweat. He had suspected it already, but he was shocked nonetheless.
Oh God.
"You were but a mere dream of that little boy. And you knew well that coming here had a price. You offered me the only thing valuable to you at the time - your memories. It didn't matter to you if you forgot about the boy and your feelings for each other, as long as you could be by his side," Yutaka said softly, sounding like he was grinning while he talked. "But I let you keep those precious memories AND sent you here, right? As long as you kept me amused." A giggle in Yutaka's voice was heard from behind the door. "I was really surprised by your first spectacle - becoming the life force of a dying Kouyou Takashima. As soon as I told you that he is guaranteed to encounter your friend if he survives, you immediately volunteered to become the boy's new soul."
I won't remember you or this moment. Yuu's heart raced as Uruha's words resounded in his head. She already had this all figured out, and she fully intended to sacrifice her memories. But if what Yutaka was saying was true, then that means Kouyou does remember his time as Uruha. He should know fully well who Yuu was. Why hasn't he said anything?
"But you're so cruel, my little hollyhock," Yutaka cooed. "You didn't even think of the possibility of your friend remembering you. And you totally failed to consider what would happen if he did fall in love with you in that body. Then again, that just makes things much more interesting, doesn't it? You must have been so alarmed when you heard him scream your name in his sleep."
Kouyou's voice was shaking now. "You have some nerve to call me cruel. And I don't appreciate you treating my life like a sick porn movie."
Yutaka laughed loudly at the statement, almost shrieking. "Then don't dream about sex! You know very well that I'll see it!" The drummer laughed, wheezing every once in a while. "You know what made it extremely interesting? You clearly didn't want it to happen, but you couldn't do anything to resist it either. That boy was, by far, your most delightful fuck ever."
Kouyou was right. Yutaka was indeed a sick bastard.
"And you ARE cruel, my pet, don't deny that," Yutaka said in a painfully jeering tone. "To yourself, most of all. You care about that brat more than life itself, yet you refuse to fall in love with him. Is it because you refuse to dream of being happy with him?"
"Shut up."
"Oh my," the drummer snickered. "I was right? Aww, sweetheart..."
"SHUT UP."
Yutaka was now roaring with laughter. Yuu, on the other hand, was shaking with anger. He wanted to bash Yutaka's sweet little face in. He was about to, but then he thought of why Kouyou hasn't done just that yet, considering Kouyou was quite a strong man, and he definitely despised Yutaka more than Yuu did at this point. And he needed more answers. Why hasn't Kouyou ever mentioned that he was, in fact, the same Uruha from Yuu's childhood? And did Kouyou really care about Yuu more than just a friend would?
"To be happy with him...that would be such a lovely dream, wouldn't it?" Yutaka said softly. "You do remember my conditions for letting you stay in this world, don't you? What's the first condition? Come on, Hollyhock, tell me."
"My dreams," Kouyou uttered. "My dreams, my desires, and my wishes will all belong to you. I will be this fucking shell of a human being who has NOTHING to ever look forward to for the rest of his natural life."
The brunette guitarist fell on his knees. Tears poured out of his eyes as he sobbed quietly. He finally understood how Kouyou could stay nonchalant even in the most dreadful situations.
I will never fall in love with you.
Is it because you refuse to dream of being happy with him?
All this made sense now. It was so simple - being in love was one dream Kouyou knows he couldn't possibly give up.
"Good! A little more detailed than expected, but good!" Yutaka giggled. "And condition number two is...?"
"...I keep quiet. About my past and about our deal."
"Splendid," Yutaka whispered. "And what happens if one of these conditions aren't met?"
Yuu's eyes widened at Kouyou's answer. "I cease to exist."
"Correct. And what happens if you disappear?"
Kouyou's reply was soft, but it felt like a scream in Yuu's head. Yuu got up on his feet and bolted away from Kouyou's apartment in panic. I heard too much. I shouldn't have listened that long. Oh God, Kouyou. Shit. WHAT HAVE I DONE?
Kouyou's answer still echoed in his thoughts.
"Kouyou Takashima dies."
A/N: Yeeeessss, Kai is the source of your dreams and your fantasies. Bow down to him.
By the way, I have not decided on whether or not there will be a character death. Please don't kill me yet.
Chapter Six