Yeah, there needs to be more reframing of rape as not just a "woman problem". Taking a proactive approach with our boys to NOT rape is going to be the key to ending rape culture.
It feels prejudiced and bad to think that way, but...yeah. There's some sort of 'contains penis, may be threat' signal programmed into me that makes me view all guys I don't know as potential threats for that sort of thing, especially if we're alone on a bus or something.
It took me a while just to get up the courage to go out at night alone when I started living in a city.
You should never apologize for doing what you need to in order to ensure your own safety. Is it prejudiced? Yeah, but so what? If men don't like it they can stop raping. They can fight rape culture.
If I'm honest with myself, I NEVER stop viewing a man as a potential rapist, until he's dead and buried, no matter how long I've known him. Have you ever read The Gift of Fear? It talks a little bit about this, and it really changed the way I think about things. (That is, I realized all the things I already did to keep myself safe, and learned to trust in them.)
I started reading the book very skeptically - first off, because a man wrote it, and it is marketed towards women. I also thought it would be a "how not to get raped" book, with all the lovely victim-blaming that entails, and would give me new things to be scared of.
Instead, it was so empowering. DeBecker does give some generic safety tips, but it's really all about trusting your senses, and your mind's ability to keep you safe, and especially about NOT rationalizing away your fear.
(It's also the book that I would credit with starting me down the path to radical feminism, even though I didn't realize it at the time, LOL)
Comments 12
(The comment has been removed)
Reply
Reply
Reply
*heads off to do a mass e-mail to family members*
Reply
Reply
It took me a while just to get up the courage to go out at night alone when I started living in a city.
Reply
If I'm honest with myself, I NEVER stop viewing a man as a potential rapist, until he's dead and buried, no matter how long I've known him. Have you ever read The Gift of Fear? It talks a little bit about this, and it really changed the way I think about things. (That is, I realized all the things I already did to keep myself safe, and learned to trust in them.)
Reply
Reply
Instead, it was so empowering. DeBecker does give some generic safety tips, but it's really all about trusting your senses, and your mind's ability to keep you safe, and especially about NOT rationalizing away your fear.
(It's also the book that I would credit with starting me down the path to radical feminism, even though I didn't realize it at the time, LOL)
Reply
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment