Why are people so obsessed with giving presents when someone has a baby? It's like saying, "You have succesfully performed a natural bodily function. You had sex and nine months later squeezed something out of your vagina. Well done, have a present." To me it's on a par with saying "Congratulations, you ate a meal and twelve hours later squeezed
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The ideal response to new parents: shake head sadly, pat parents' shoulder sympathetically or sneer in a really unimpressed way.
Then say forcefully yet pleasantly: 'Just keep that little shit away from me OK'
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