(no subject)
I dropped Physics. I feel like a coward.
Why do I feel like a coward? That one is simple enough. I constantly run away from hard things. But even more, I really thought I could “do it all” this semester. 16 credit hours is not too bad, but I also work sixteen hours a week, and now I must give twenty hours a week to the major of my own free time.
I was wrong. I hate being wrong. Especially about something like this.
Yesterday a dozen of my fellow animators had an intervention on my behalf. Apparently I have been scaring some people. I felt so stupid.
After class finished yesterday, I just rested my head on my arms at my drawing desk in the HFAC. I was tired, yes, but I was also terrified. I had gone to bed no earlier than one in the morning and getting up at six-thirty for nearly three weeks with only a few exceptions. I have no other time to do homework then after class, which ends in the evening everyday. I have class or work from nine in the morning until five, nine, or ten at night. So I stay up to finish work, but I couldn’t keep going. I was exhausted, weak, and my whole body aches. Then I woke up feeling like the devil on Monday. I was getting sick. Kriti, my roommate from Napal, asked me the previous morning “what is wrong with your face?” I know she did not mean my acne. My eyes were bloodshot and my face just looked “weird” to me in the mirror. I hated this.
I wanted to cry or punch Kelly in the face when he said, “Now we are going to stop with this light stuff and actually start putting time and work into these projects.” I had spent the last two nights until two working on the “light” project. Time? What time? The time between one and six at night? I barely even finish the “light” stuff. Kelly proceeded to say the workload for the major was now going to double or triple. I did not punch him in the face or even cry like I wanted. I just sat there staring. When class was done I didn’t want to move, so I just put my head down into my arms.
I felt a poke at my shoulder. I looked up and there were about eight of my fellow juniors and two of my sophomore friends standing around my desk.
I was startled, wondering if I had fallen asleep and started snoring or something equally stupid. However, they were there for a different reason. They told me they found out from one of the other animators about my schedule and that something needed to change.
Most of the animation majors are taking a maximum of twelve credit hours, most even less, and I only know of four who work.
They told me to drop two classes and quit work. If I want to be any good to anyone, I needed to stop this and take care of what was important. One of them was nice enough to say that “you” are the important part, not the major.
I told them I would think about it, and they told me I had better or they might do something drastic.
I was surprised by their interest and the concern they were showing me. The animation guys can be downright weird, but they are so neat and good hearted. I am proved of this again.
Drop two classes and quit work?
What am I supposed to do?
I cannot drop work. I need the job too much. I am afraid if I quit I will have to flip burgers for the summer, or more likely, not get hired at all.
I prayed about it for the rest of the day. Last night I decided I would drop Physics, but only Physics. It has been the bane of my life for the last few weeks. Despite my compaints, I have actually enjoyed learning how to figure out how some things work. I have enjoyed it, but it has been taking me on average five to six hours outside work for every hour in class. Swalch and Balltag have both given me hours of their time trying to help me grasp concepts that I still can’t understand. It will not only give me more time, but it will give them back time as well. They are just as busy as I am and they need the time. I can't tell them how much I appreciate their help. I don't know what I would have done.
I will take Physics during spring/summer.
Now the workload will only get gradually larger than it was for the last five weeks.
I will try to consider this a regrouping, not cowardice.
If I only had a brain.