Zero Percent - Part Five
When the client drops them off Mikey and Ryan stumble out of the car and stand in the street as the car pulls away without exchanging a word. Sometimes you need a moment to yourself to come down from a job.
“I know a dealer,” Ryan says, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, body tense.
“Ace,” Mikey replies and follows Ryan, knowing that Gerard is going to be mad and not giving a fuck about it. Not when his body feels like it is shaking apart and his mind is screaming, desperate to escape memories.
~
“So motherfucking stupid. We talked about this, Mikey.”
Before Frank even sees them he can hear Gerard spitting out words like they’re poison and something in his stomach twists. It sounds like something has gone terribly wrong.
Mikey shuffles into view first, walking a few steps ahead of Gerard, uncaring for the way Gerard’s voice is getting higher and higher in pitch. Zero kicks his legs and squirms out of Frank’s lap, running towards Mikey, claws clicking against the asphalt and tail wagging. Mikey picks him up without a comment and cuddles him close, sitting down next to Frank with a barely audible greeting mumbled into Zero’s fur.
“Mikey.” Gerard stands in front of them, arms crossed in front of his chest and woah, that is totally a big brother voice right there. It’s enough to make Frank feel bad, even though he hasn’t done anything.
“What?” Mikey snaps, glaring up at Gerard. Frank squirms and tugs the sleeves of his hoodie down over his hands.
Gerard’s nostrils flare and Frank wishes a hole in the ground would swallow him up. Gerard and Mikey never fight. It sucks that they have to start now, when Frank thought that there could be more cuddling and maybe kissing once they came back.
“Uh, guys.”
Gerard and Mikey both ignore Frank, continuing to stare each other down with narrowed eyes.
“What the fuck is going on?” Frank barely refrains from waving his arms around to get their attention.
For a moment it seems like he isn’t going to get an answer, but Gerard abruptly ends the starring match and turns to Frank. His nostrils are still flaring and under any other circumstances it would’ve been funny.
“What is going on is that the little shit over there went to a random dealer,” Gerard spits.
“You. . . what?” Frank is trying to comprehend the words, looking from Gerard to Mikey and back.
“He wasn’t random,” Mikey retorts, glaring at Gerard. “Ryan knows him.”
‘Ryan’ has become a red flag for Frank and before he knows it he says: “Of course, if Ryan knows him he must be amazing.”
Mikey and Gerard end their stare down and turn to Frank, who already wishes that he hadn’t said that out aloud.
“The fuck?” Mikey asks, narrowing his eyes. Now that Frank’s put his foot in he could do the sensible thing and retreat, or do what he’s done his entire life and put his second foot in as well.
“Exactly, the fuck? Who the fuck is this Ryan guy anyway and why the fuck do you go to a random dealer with him? The fuck were you thinking, Mikey?”
“See!” Gerard points triumphantly at Mikey. “Even Frank agrees!”
“Sure, just gang the fuck up on me,” Mikey huffs and scoots away from Frank, face half-hidden in Zero’s fur. “I don’t get why you’re making such a fuss. He had good stuff, all is fine.”
“All is fine this time,” Gerard sighs, sitting down in front of Mikey and putting a hand on his brother’s shin. “But what about next time? You don’t know that guy, Mikey. You don’t know if he’s always got good stuff. This. . . this is not something you can mess up and get away with.”
No matter how hard Gerard tries, it’s obvious that he’s scared. It’s enough to make it hard to breathe for Frank.
“I’m not doing this to be an asshole. I’m just worried about you, Mikes.” Gerard is so motherfucking earnest that under different circumstances Frank would’ve laughed. As it is he scoots closer to the brothers and leans against Mikey.
“What he said,” Frank mumbles, some of the tension draining from his body when Mikey scoffs and pokes his side.
“I’m not a child. I can look out for myself.”
It’s difficult to reply to that because Mikey’s got a point. Frank is glad when Gerard takes on the task.
“I know you can. But not. . . not always, okay? You promised you’d trust me with this. You promised.”
If Gerard starts crying Frank is out of here. Seriously, there’s only so much he can deal with. He wanted to have a nice evening with the people that he might be in a relationship with. Instead he gets drama and fighting and anger boiling in his stomach.
Mikey doesn’t reply to Gerard’s statement and shrugs, focusing all his attention on Zero. Even the dog is sensing the tension, having gone still in Mikey’s arms and looking at Gerard with wide eyes.
“Mikey,” Gerard is getting more insistent. Frank picks dog hairs from his hoodie, attempting to keep his blood pressure down.
“I heard you. And yes, fine, whatever. I’ll be a good boy,” Mikey huffs. He still sounds sullen but Gerard doesn’t seem to mind. Leaning forward he presses a chaste kiss to Mikey’s lips.
“It’s not that I don’t think you can do things on your own. I’m just worried about you. I don’t want anything to happen to you. I can’t have anything happen to you.”
Mikey nods and just like that they seem to be fine. Frank exhales sharply through his teeth before he struggles out from under the blanket and takes Zero from Mikey.
“I’m going for a walk.” Frank sets Zero down and walks away without looking back, holding onto Zero’s leash tighter than necessary.
Fuck the Way brothers and all the feelings he has because of them.
~
Frank has been gone for ages and Gerard is starting to fret. People are going to work, the eerily silence in the streets replaced by noise and activity.
“Gee,” Mikey croaks tiredly from where he’s curled up with the blanket. “Come sit down.”
Gerard knows that pacing isn’t going to help and make Frank come back quicker, but he can’t sit still. Mikey’s eyes are bloodshot and he looks utterly miserable, so Gerard sits down next to his brother and pulls him close until Mikey’s head is resting in his lap.
“Sleep,” he mumbles, tucking strands of hair back behind Mikey’s hair. “I’ll stay up and wait.”
“Can’t,” Mikey replies. His eyes are closed and he’s exhausted, but he rarely manages to sleep unless they score some pot.
“He’ll be back soon,” Gerard says, leaning back against the wall and looking at the opening of the alley, hand settled on Mikey’s neck, willing himself to believe his own words.
~
When Frank gets back he’s carrying a paper tray with three McDonald’s cups in one hand and holding Zero against his chest with the other. It’s enough to snap Gerard out of the dozing he eventually succumbed too.
“Fuck, is everything okay?”
The obvious worry in Gerard’s voice makes Mikey raise his head as well, squinting against the light. “Wassup?”
“What? Sure everything is okay,” Frank huffs, kneeling down in front of the brothers and letting Zero down, who shakes himself before nosing at the blanket, trying to get under it.
“The princess just got tired of walking,” Frank rolls his eyes. There are dark shadows under his eyes and his nose is red and running. In the unforgiving daylight he looks even paler than usual.
“I got coffee and hot chocolate,” Frank says, handing Gerard a cup and poking Mikey until he sits up properly.
“You done with your drama?” Frank checks, taking his drink with a nod when Gerard and Mikey make noises of agreement around their cups.
“Good. Because it’s Christmas, motherfuckers.” Frank grins and Gerard can’t help smiling back. Frank is right, it’s Christmas and they should enjoy that. Soon enough it will be January and that’s a fucking stupid month. It’ll get even colder and all the Christmas cheer and charitable feelings will be gone.
“What’s the plan for today anyway?” Frank takes the lid off his cup and licks foam from it, which has Gerard mesmerized for an embarrassing moment before he clears his throat.
“Uh, not much. Get some sleep, then go to the soup kitchen, then motel?” Gerard hasn’t thought much about it if he’s honest.
“Okay cool. So you guys not working tonight?” Frank’s face lights up when Gerard shakes his head. “Ace! Stuffing our stomachs at the soup kitchen and then sleeping in a real bed. It’ll be fucking amazing.”
Fuck, it does sound amazing. Gerard takes another measured sip of coffee, wanting to make the drink last as long as possible. It’s almost impossible to keep his eyes open now that Frank is back. Frank, who Gerard only notices now is shivering.
“C’mere,” he says, scooting over and patting the space between Mikey and him. “Better get comfy and get some sleep.”
Well used to it by now it only takes them a few moments to arrange themselves under the blanket.
“Hey, it’s Christmas,” Frank mumbles, voice slowed by impending sleep. “You should totally put out and gimme a goodnight kiss.”
An embarrassing giggle bubbles over Gerard’s lips before he knows it, but he doesn’t care. Not when he’s feeling happy and warm inside despite the freezing December temperatures.
“Hm, I guess you are right. It’s Christmas after all.”
Frank is still smiling when Gerard kisses him.
~
Frank spends most part of the day dozing. He never really sleeps because even though he’s flanked by the Ways old habits die hard. He’s always ready to jump and run and the smallest of sounds pulls him back to consciousness.
“I can’t wait to sleep in a real bed. And in a real room,” Frank croaks. Mikey hums in reply and Frank presses closer, nuzzling his neck. “With four walls. Can you imagine?” he giggles, feeling stupid and giddy all of a sudden.
On Frank’s other side Gerard snores and Frank grins against Mikey’s neck.
“Four walls and a roof and a bed and a shower and it’ll be awesome,” he mumbles to himself. Clinging to that thought makes the cold that has settled deep in his bones a little more bearable.
“Four walls and a roof and a bed and a shower and Christmas presents,” Mikey agrees, voice rough with sleep around the edges.
“I already got my presents.” Frank punctuates his statement with a kiss to Mikey’s jaw. By other people’s standards Frank hasn’t got shit. By Frank’s standards he’s a millionaire.
They stay curled up in their malformed pile for a few more hours, trying to ward off the cold and move as little as possible. Zero gets up every now and then to move around and go flop against someone else for cuddles. It’s as comfortable as can be.
“Whatssetime?” Gerard grumbles eventually, tensing against Frank’s back as he stretches before curling back up.
“Wait a sec, I’ll look at my Rolex and tell you,” Frank retorts. Through his layers of clothes Frank barely feels it when Gerard pinches his side.
“Fucker.”
“You asked for it,” Frank replies and sits up a little more, scrubbing at his eyes tiredly.
“Looks like it might be soup kitchen time though?” Frank squints at the sky. It looks like it could be late afternoon, but the bleary December sky makes it difficult to tell.
“That’s what I’ve been thinking,” Gerard agrees, his stomach rumbling as if on command.
“Aw,” Frank grins and pats Gerard’s tummy. “We’ll get you all the food you can eat soon. And then there is gonna be a motel room. With four walls.”
“And a roof,” Mikey adds, sharing a grin with Frank.
“Weirdos,” Gerard huffs, picking up Zero and tapping his nose. “Your moms are weirdos.”
“What and you’re the dad in this scenario? Dude that is so not working out,” Frank laughs, tugging on a strand of Gerard’s hair.
“I don’t know,” Gerard shrugs, scratching behind Zero’s ears. “We can be three moms.”
“Right, that totally makes sense,” Frank rolls his eyes.
“We’d be kinda like the Golden Girls,” Mikey says thoughtfully. For a second Frank and Gerard manage to keep a straight face before they burst out laughing.
Mikey huffs and purses his lips, which only spurns Frank on. Fuck, he hasn’t laughed in so long and now that he’s started he doesn’t want to stop.
“I really don’t see what’s so funny. The Golden Girls were awesome,” Mikey points out and it sends Frank and Gerard into another round of howling laughter.
“He’s not joking, you know?” Gerard gasps, clutching Frank’s shoulder for support. “He fucking loved watching the fucking Golden Girls when he was a kid. It was his favorite TV show.”
Frank feels breathless and tries hard to calm down and breathe in and out instead of another round of laughing. He barely manages and when he speaks his voice pitches high every now and then when giggles almost overwhelm him.
“Most precious, Mikey. You’re a beautifully strange person.”
When Mikey continues pouting Frank throws his arms around him and hugs him as tight as he can, pressing a smacking kiss to Mikey’s cheek. “All I’m saying is you shoulda told me sooner. I would’ve gotten you a Golden Girls shirt for Christmas.”
“Shuddup,” Mikey mutters and swats at Frank’s shoulder without much heat.
Frank grins and presses another kiss to Mikey’s cheek, gentler this time.
“You always had awesome tastes. The other kids just didn’t understand them,” Gerard adds. His voice wobbles dangerously.
“Precisely,” Mikey replies haughtily.
They sit huddled together for a while longer, Frank and Gerard occasionally giggling and Mikey elbowing and kicking them sulkily.
It’s the best Frank’s felt in a long time.
As great as laughter is, it doesn’t fill his stomach though.
“Can we go get food now?” Frank asks, rubbing his belly through layers of clothes. It almost feels like there is a black hole inside of him that is slowly expanding, hollowing out his insides.
“Yes! God yes!” Gerard groans. “Do you think there’ll be chicken? Man, I hope there’s chicken.”
“We had chicken nuggets a few days ago,” Mikey points out as he detangles himself from the blanket and takes Zero’s leash.
“From McDonald’s, yeah,” Gerard huffs. “That’s not real meat.”
“How’s -“ Before Frank can get more words out Mikey has grabbed his wrist and shakes his head.
“Don’t ask,” he hisses and Frank snaps his mouth shut. He can imagine the horror stories about McDonald’s selling rat meat and honestly? He doesn’t want to know. Nor does he care. At this point Frank would happily eat rat.
“I really want something greasy.” Frank helps Gerard fold up the blanket and with a lot of squeezing and pushing they manage to get it into their backpack.
“Let’s go and get chicken,” Gerard swings the bag over his shoulder and heads out of the alley.
“And coffee,” Mikey adds as he follows, taking Frank’s hand and pulling him to walk beside him.
“How about hot chocolate? You know you don’t, uh, react so well to coffee.” Gerard is phrasing things more carefully than he usually would after their argument. Frank squeezes Mikey’s hand, hoping that Gerard’s words aren’t going to set off another rant about Mikey being capable of making decisions for himself.
“I know. But it’s Christmas, Gee.” Mikey is full on pouting and Frank hides his grin against the collar of his coat.
The soup kitchen is swarming with activity. People stand huddled together in groups outside on the sidewalk, talking and laughing. There are Christmas decorations in the windows and the usual atmosphere of unspoken depression has been swapped for cheerful carelessness. Even society’s outcasts need a holiday every now and then where they can dive into pretense.
“Wow, that’s a lot of people,” Gerard mumbles and moves closer to Frank and Mikey. Frank barely refrains from pointing out that they won’t fit through the door walking next to each other like this.
When Frank pushes the door open a wave of warm air swaps over him and he shudders happily, standing up a little straighter.
Inside is even busier, people’s chatter forming a humming background noise. There are more volunteers working than usual, darting around and swapping empty trays of food for full ones. They must have a lot of people working in the kitchen today.
“Oh my God, this smells amazing. Seriously, if heaven had a smell it would be this. Well, if there was a Starbucks in here. Then it would definitely be what heaven smells like,” Gerard sighs happily.
Frank shares a smile with Mikey but before they can make fun of Gerard Zero starts pulling on his leash, nearly causing Mikey to fall over in the first moment of surprise.
“The hell?” Mikey grabs the leash tighter and tries to pull Zero back.
“He’s just excited to see his friends, it’s fine,” Frank squeezes Mikey’s hand and nods towards the counter where Ray is arranging a stack of plates.
“Oh.” Mikey’s face darkens as he sees Ray. He hands Frank Zero’s leash and takes a step back. “I’ll go find us a table.”
Before Frank’s got a chance to hold Mikey back Zero pulls forcefully on the leash, making it slip from Frank’s fingers.
“Fuck,” Frank groans, glancing at Mikey picking his way through the crowd before following his dog, who’s madly dashing towards Ray, dragging his leash behind him.
Unlike Zero Frank has to dodge people, which slows him down considerably. By the time he makes it through the crowd Ray is already on his knees, laughing as he deals with an overly excited Zero trying to lick his face.
“Sorry ‘bout that,” Frank groans and picks up Zero’s leash, trying to pull him back a little.
“Hey Frank,” Ray smiles up at him, scratching behind Zero’s ears. “Don’t worry, I missed the little guy.” Zero picks the moment to lick Ray’s hand as if to make a point.
“He obviously missed you too.” Frank tugs a little harder on Zero’s leash. His dog remains a traitor.
“Frank. Frank, where is Mikey?” Gerard appears out of nowhere, hovering at Frank’s side.
“He’s gone to find us a table.” Frank says, looking over his shoulder and trying to spot Mikey.
“Oh. Okay. That’s cool. Not that I was worried,” Gerard mumbles. “I’ll go find him.”
“What about food?” Frank asks, quirking an eyebrow. A few seconds ago Gerard was having an orgasm over all the food.
“It’s cool, you go get food and find us and then Mikey and I can get something.” Gerard waves awkwardly at Ray before he turns and makes his way through the crowd.
“Well, that was weird,” Frank mumbles. Not that he expected anything else. “Crazy busy day, huh?” He puts on a smile as he addresses Ray. His mother would be proud of his small talk skills.
“Pretty much, yeah,” Ray nods and straightens back up, walking over to the sink to wash his hands.
“You not home to spend Christmas with your family?” Frank barely manages to keep the bitterness out of his voice.
“I’m going home tonight. Still more than enough time for family craziness,” Ray shrugs.
“Yeah, right.” Frank mutters and scratches the back of his neck. Bless motherfucking saint Ray, helping the poor before he goes to frolic with his family.
“I’m gonna go eat then. See you around later. Maybe.” It’s an abrupt end to their conversation, but Frank doesn’t care. His good mood has mostly disappeared. Or rather, the brief illusion of happiness has been shattered because who’s Frank kidding? Their life still sucks, Christmas or not. They’ll have a nice night in a hotel and then it is back to the streets and nothingness.
All of a sudden Frank isn’t hungry anymore. He still grabs a tray and gets in line, the rational part of his brain telling him that he needs to eat.
Frank barely manages to force his lips into a smile, nodding and mumbling something nonsensical when the volunteers wish him a Merry Christmas.
Once at the end of the line Frank carefully balances his tray, Zero’s leash slung around his wrist and looks around, trying to spot the Ways. Gerard’s bright red hair makes it easy to find him in a crowd and Frank walks over to the table in the corner, putting his tray down carefully before he sits.
“They still have chicken,” Frank says, looking at the dishes on his tray properly for the first time. “You guys go get something.”
“Chicken, awesome,” Gerard replies, getting up and tugging on Mikey’s sleeve, raising his eyebrows when it looks like Mikey is going to refuse. “C’mon Mikey.”
With a sigh Mikey gets up and trots after Gerard. Frank picks up his fork and pokes at the vegetables on his plate before shoving a forkful into his mouth.
~
The soup kitchen wasn’t as great as he expected, but Frank is determined not to turn into the Grinch. They have all been looking forward to the motel night. Frank can be happy tonight and angry at the world for the rest of his life.
“Okay, me and Mikey are gonna get a room and distract the clerk. You sneak by with Zero and take the elevator up to the first floor. We’ll meet you there.” Gerard’s stance makes it look like he’s ready to lead an army into battle.
“All right,” Frank shrugs and tightens his hold on Zero’s leash when he whines and strains against it, trying to follow Mikey inside.
“Wait a second, buddy,” Frank mumbles, glancing through the glass of the sliding doors. Gerard and Mikey are at the counter already and Frank hopes they manage to keep the attention of the clerk as he slips inside and pulls Zero along. Frank tries to be as nonchalant as possible, not walking too fast to avoid drawing attention.
Frank makes it to the elevator without a problem, but the stupid thing is old and slow and not
even pressing the button repeatedly makes the doors open quicker. Frank only relaxes when the doors slide shut behind him and he’s alone with Zero. He knows the chances of being caught in a place like this are low, but his paranoid mind still supplied voices yelling at him, the three of them being kicked out, needing to find somewhere else to go. Sure, there are tons of motels like this, but Frank is tired. He doesn’t want to move anymore, doesn’t want to drift through the city without a place to be.
Stepping out of the elevator Frank picks up Zero because the dog is already overly excited, wanting to explore. “You can have a look around our room in a minute, okay?” Frank whispers against the scraggly fur atop of Zero’s head.
Casually leaning against the wall Frank tries to look like he belongs, studying the ugly flower pattern on the wallpaper when the elevator doors open again with a ding.
“Frank.”
Frank’s eyes snap over to the elevator and he pushes away from the wall, relieved that it’s the Ways and not anyone else.
“C’mon, we’re on the fifth floor,” Gerard grins as he holds his hand over the light sensor, keeping the door open.
“Awesome,” Frank grins. He doesn’t even have to fake the cheerfulness. Thinking of a room and a shower and a bed and Gerard and Mikey all to himself is enough to release a ball of warmth in his chest. Well, it also makes his stomach flutter nervously, but that’s okay. It’ll work out. They’re in a weird sort-of-maybe-relationship that possibly needs further definition, but Frank’s got a good feeling.
Gerard leads them to a door at the end of the corridor and when he unlocks it Frank summons all his power of self-restraint and does not run inside and throw himself down on the bed.
“Looks decent,” Gerard comments, dropping the backpack on the bed and stretching with a groan.
“Everything looks decent compared to our alley,” Frank points out and let’s Zero down when he starts kicking his legs. “Wait a sec,” he mutters. As soon as Frank’s taken his leash off Zero darts across the room and starts sniffing the carpet.
“True. But it’s really warm too. Not all motels have proper heating,” Gerard says, sitting down on the edge of the bed and unlacing his boots.
“It’s great,” Mikey states and drops down on the bed, spreading out his arms. It’s then that Frank realizes there is only a double bed in the room. His stomach does that weird awesome anxiety dance again.
“Now that we’re here I don’t even know what I wanna do first,” Frank muses, unzipping his jacket. He could take a shower or lie down on the bed or give the brothers their Christmas presents or turn on the TV. What is normal to other people has become an overwhelming number of choices to Frank.
“We could wash our socks,” Mikey suggests, eyes closed and idly kicking his legs against the side of the bed. “Then they’ll be dry until tomorrow.”
“Are you serious?” Gerard frowns and pokes Mikey’s stomach. “We get our awesome Motel Christmas and the first thing you wanna do is wash your socks?”
“Yes. They’re disgusting,” Mikey frowns and Frank bets he’s wiggling his toes inside his shoes.
“So are yours, for the record,” Mikey adds, squirming away when Gerard pokes him again.
“He’s got a point,” Frank admits. It’s not like they can wash the rest of their things, but clean socks would be great.
“Fine, go wash your socks then,” Gerard rolls his eyes.
“We are going to take a shower as well while we’re at it,” Mikey decides and kicks off his boots, eyebrow raised at Gerard. “You sure you don’t wanna join?”
Gerard’s bottom lip catches between his teeth, eyes flickering from Mikey to Frank and back before he shakes his head.
“Nah, I bet the shower is tiny, that’d be uncomfortable. I’ll get settled.”
“Okay,” Mikey replies easily. He leans in with the same confidence and presses a kiss to Gerard’s lip, making something inside Frank twist. He still feels like this is intimacy he shouldn’t intrude on. Before Frank’s brain can plummet into dark thoughts he’s being dragged to the bathroom and he kind of can’t think properly at all anymore.
“Socks first,” Mikey says, turning on the water and stopping up the sink.
“How romantic,” Frank mutters, but obediently takes off his shoes and peels his socks from his feet. Fuck, most of the time he manages to ignore it, but he’s disgusted by himself.
“Ew,” Frank mumbles and drops his socks in the sink, watching them drift on the water, the material only slowly soaking though.
“Ew,” Mikey agrees. “I’m not touching those.”
Frank grabs the tiny soap sample and starts to lather up his socks. “I didn’t expect you to. I wouldn’t wanna touch your socks either.”
“Mikey!” Gerard calls from the other room and Mikey rolls his eyes.
“I’m not touching your disgusting socks either, Gee!”
“Damn,” they hear Gerard mumble. Frank grins and washes his socks as best as he can.
“Fresh as a spring breeze,” he grins once he’s wrung them out and sniff-tested them to make sure they don’t need a second round of soap.
“I miss the smell of laundry. And how clothes are, like, all soft and warm when they come out of the dryer,” Mikey sighs wistfully as he drains the water and fills the sink up again, washing his own socks.
“Me too,” Frank groans, hanging his socks up on the tiny radiator. If they’re not dry by morning he is so, so screwed.
“Hey, tell you what,” Frank steps up behind Mikey, only leaning against him tentatively at first.
When Mikey doesn’t flinch Frank hooks his chin over Mikey’s shoulder. “I’ll take you on a Laundromat date.”
“A Laundromat date? You know how to show a guy a good time,” Mikey laughs, leaning back against Frank.
“Sure do. I’m a gentleman after all,” Frank grins. “We can wash our hoodies and shirts and they’ll be clean and fluffy and smell amazing.”
“Are you guys seriously having laundry dirty talk?” Gerard asks from the door, looking bewildered and amused at the same time.
“Totally. We’ve got a laundry kink,” Mikey dead-pans. Frank hides his grin against Mikey’s shoulder.
“Gross,” Gerard says, throwing his socks into the corner.
“You’re gross,” Mikey mutters, wringing his socks out and draining the sink again.
“I know,” Gerard shrugs, like it’s a truth he’s accepted a long time ago. “But I can’t smell myself anymore, so it’s okay.”
“Yeah but we have to smell you,” Frank says and Mikey nods in agreement.
“Oh my God the two of you are like the cleanliness police,” Gerard pouts. “I’m gonna go and cuddle with Zero. He accepts me the way I am.”
Frank laughs when Gerard stomps from the bathroom dramatically, calling for Zero and trying to coax him out from under the bed.
“Even Zero is hiding from the stink now that he’s taken his socks off,” Mikey chuckles, hanging his socks up next to Frank’s.
“Do you think he’ll wash his socks?” Frank asks, looking at the objects in question on the floor like they’re about to attack him.
“Probably, but then they won’t dry,” Mikey sighs and fills the sink up again. “The things I do for him, honestly,” he mutters, picking Gerard’s socks up with a pained expression.
“You’re a good brother,” Frank laughs. “Hurry up with those, I wanna shower.” He unzips his hoodie and wiggles out of it before turning on the shower, testing the water. It takes a while before it gets even lukewarm.
By the time Mikey has finished washing Gerard’s socks Frank is naked, not even wasting a second thought on being embarrassed because there is a hot shower serenading him.
“Fuck,” Frank hisses when the hot spray hits his back, eyes fluttering closed. This is what pure bliss feels like.
“That good, huh?” Mikey asks, only a soft note of teasing in his voice.
“Orgasmic,” Frank replies, standing still and letting the water pour down his body. It’s almost too hot, stinging a little on his skin, but Frank doesn’t care. He’s been cold for so long that he almost craves getting burnt.
“Make some room,” Mikey says as he pushes into the tiny shower stall and tugs the curtain shut to keep the heat in. In the close proximity Frank is suddenly hyper aware of their nakedness and Mikey’s body brushing against his. He’s fairly certain the heat flooding his face is not the fault of the water alone.
“You’re right, it’s that good,” Mikey mumbles, hanging his head and letting the water beat down on his neck, wet strands of hair clinging to his forehead. He looks open and vulnerable in a way Frank has never seen before. Craddling Mikey’s face in his hands Frank pushes up and presses a chaste kiss to Mikey’s lips. He wants to tell Mikey that he should have all the good things in the world, deserves to have all the good things in the world, but his mouth refuses to form the words. Instead his thumbs press into the soft skin under Mikey’s ears. For a moment they look at each other, unspoken things passing between them in silent understanding.
It’s Mikey who moves first, blinking against the spray of the shower and putting his hands on Frank’s waist, pushing back gently. The tiles are wet and cold against Frank’s back, but the shiver running through his body is caused entirely by Mikey kissing him again, hot and possessive. Mikey’s fingers dig into Frank’s skin ever so slightly and fuck, Mikey is a good kisser. He’s. . . he’s a professional.
Frank turns his head away and draws in a shuddering breath, battling the onset of dizziness.
“You don’t. . . you don’t have to do this,” he murmurs, not knowing how to breathe when so many feelings are battling inside him.
“What?” Mikey frowns, not withdrawing from Frank’s space.
“You don’t have to do that,” Frank repeats, unable to meet Mikey’s eyes.
“I know,” Mikey’s reply is sharp and instead of taking a step back he crowds Frank even more.
“Has it ever crossed your mind that I want to do this?”
Frank stills and when he answers it surprises even himself. “No.”
Mikey scoffs and Frank scrambles to explain himself. “I mean, you are kind of forced to have sex all the time and I don’t want you to feel pressured just because you think that I and. . . and,” Frank trails off, aware that instead of explaining himself he only succeeded in making himself sound like a douchebag.
“I just want to make you feel good,” he concludes lamely, watching swirls of water disappearing down the drain by their feet.
“You’re an idiot,” Mikey sighs. Frank perks up when there is no anger in Mikey’s voice and finally dares to look up at him again.
“A loveable idiot?” He asks with a cheeky grin.
“Possibly,” Mikey says and leans in for another kiss.
“If you’re quite done having a heart-to-heart other people want to shower too.” Gerard says, poking the shower curtain.
“Shuddup,” Mikey mumbles without taking his lips off Frank’s. Frank giggles into the kiss as the knot of anxiety inside his stomach unravels, leaving nothing but warmth behind.
“You know, we should save some warm water for him. Otherwise we’ll have to endure his stink,” Frank points out after a few more minutes of languid kissing.
“Hm. I guess,” Mikey hums and pulls back, blinking like he needs a few seconds to come back to reality.
“I should’ve convinced Gee to buy proper shower gel,” Mikey mutters as he pumps some of the bodywash from the dispenser. It smells slightly clinical.
“Yeah. But I guess this still smells like flowers and spring compared to our stink,” Frank shrugs. The logistics of soaping up and washing their hair inside the tiny shower stall are not easy to navigate, but Frank doesn’t complain. Being close to Mikey while surrounded by wonderful warmth is something he enjoys, even if Mikey has stupidly pointy elbows that he keeps unintentionally ramming into various parts of Frank’s body.
“Gee, your turn!” Frank calls once they’re done and he’s turned off the water. By now the room has steamed up, so even when Mikey pushes back the shower curtain they’re not met by too much cold air.
Intent on keeping his body this wonderfully warm Frank reaches for a towel right away and wraps up in it, sighing happily. He hasn’t been this content in a long time.
“Finally,” Gerard mutters as he walks in from the bedroom, already pulling his shirt up over his head. “You’re having all the fun without me.”
“No we’re not,” Mikey shakes his head and cards a still wet hand through Gerard’s hair. “Don’t worry.”
When Mikey kisses him Gerard’s pout turns into a smile and he nods. “Fine. I won’t be long. And Zero’s already claimed a corner of the bed for himself, just so you know.”
“Wouldn’t have expected anything else.” To be honest, Frank is surprised that Zero hasn’t already wormed his ways under the blankets and built a nest for himself.
It’s colder in the bedroom and Frank shivers and pulls his towel tighter around himself. He wishes that he had a pair of pajamas to put on, flannel ones like he had when he was a kid. As it is Frank will have to settle for putting on his briefs and t-shirt. It’s going to take away some of the blissfully clean feeling but Frank is making compromises bigger than that every day.
As soon as he’s dressed Frank drops his towel to the floor and crawls under the blankets, curling up with a happy sigh. “This is awesome,” he mumbles into the pillow, giggling when Zero shuffles up to him and tries to worm his way under Frank’s arm.
“Like a fluffy cloud?” Mikey asks innocently, sitting down on the edge of the bed in his underwear and sniffing his hoodie suspiciously before pulling it on with a shrug.
“Yes. Just like that,” Frank replies and lifts the blanket when Mikey lies down. They curl up together with Zero settling between them, listening to Gerard singing in the shower.
“This is what blackmail dreams are made of,” Frank laughs. “Does he always do that?” Last time they were in a motel Frank was sick enough to sleep through all possible singing.
“Only when he’s in a good mood,” Mikey replies, his smile between fond and exasperated.
Frank hums and closes his eyes, wishing this moment could last forever. He’s comfortable and warm and they are safe. It’s perfect and Frank happily dozes while Gerard showers.
“You guys, this is amazing. We should do that more often,” Gerard says as he emerges from shower, towel slung low on his hips and using another one to rub his hair.
“We sure should,” Frank sighs wistfully, pushing all thoughts about money and their shitty lives aside. Today they are here and he’s going to enjoy that.
“Make some room,” Gerard pokes Mikey’s back and tries to get under the blanket as well.
“Gee,” Mikey says, raising an eyebrow at his brother. “Presents.”
“Oh! Right!” Gerard half falls out of the bed again and goes to rummage in his and Mikey’s backpack.
“It’s not like, anything special,” Mikey says, briefly looking at Frank like he’s embarrassed.
“Just something for, well, mostly for Zero I guess. Since we didn’t make that much.”
“Dude, shut up!” Frank sits up, torn between anger and flapping his hands accompanied by ‘Oh my god you guys!’
“You paid for the room, that’s more than fucking enough.” It’s always Mikey and Gerard bringing the money in and it makes Frank feel like shit. If he had his guitar at least he could busk. It doesn’t make much money but certainly more than begging.
“Yeah and we do that because we want to, so don’t go on some weird kind of guilt trip, okay?” Gerard huffs and sits back down.
“What he said,” Mikey agrees. “And it’s not like we bought anything. I guess it’s more a present from Ryan anyway. I asked him to make it.” He takes what looks like a lump of wool from Gerard.
“I. . . thank you?” Frank isn’t entirely sure what he is saying thank you for. When he takes the lump from Mikey and unfolds it, it turns out to be a tiny sweater for Zero. “Dude!” Frank beams and feels like the corners of his mouth are going to crack.
“This is awesome! Thank you guys so much.” Leaning over Zero Frank pulls Mikey and Gerard into a hug.
“Now you don’t have to worry about Zero being cold anymore,” Gerard says with a soft smile.
Frank feels a little like crying in a totally manly way. Gerard and Mikey put so much thought into the present. Nobody has wasted a thought on Frank since his mom died. Frank’s chest tightens and it gets a little hard to breathe evenly under the onslaught of feelings.
“Fuck. You guys. Seriously, you’re the best,” he mumbles and pulls Gerard and Mikey in for another hug, clinging on longer this time and hoping they won’t notice the way his breath hitches.
Once Frank has pulled himself together he pulls back and holds the sweater out to Zero. “Look what you got for Christmas!”
Zero wags his tail and sniffs the sweater before licking Frank’s hand and turning, demanding cuddles from Mikey and Gerard.
Not that Frank is looking forward to leaving the motel tomorrow, but putting Zero in his tiny sweater is a little thing to look forward to.
“I, uh, I got you guys some stuff as well,” Frank says, carding his fingers through the wet hair in the nape of his neck. “Nothing special or stuff, just, you know,” he shrugs and trails of, feeling slightly embarrassed. Curse motherfucking stupid money and everything costing a stupid motherfucking amount of money.
“Frank, you didn’t have to get us anything,” Gerard says, frowning. “Where did you get the money anyway?”
Frank shrugs and rolls off the bed to rummage through the backpack where he hid the presents in a bag with Zero’s food. For some reason Gerard and Mikey don’t like it when he begs. It’s not like it is Frank’s favorite pastime or anything, but it’s the only way he can make money.
Sitting down on the bed with a plastic bag Frank reaches in and gets out a music magazine. “That because Mikey’s always looking at them when we go to the corner store. And I thought it would be nice if you had something to read that doesn’t come out of a bin.” Frank puts the magazine down, already feeling stupid but reaching back into the bag nonetheless.
“And I got you a sketchbook and a pen because that collection of napkin drawings you have going on is awesome but also kind of annoying.” Frank keeps finding crumpled napkins in the backpack and it’s a shame to have Gerard’s drawings ending up like that.
Last he pulls out a King size Twix from the bag, holding it out to Mikey. “Gerard said it’s your favorite. I figured maybe this is something you’d like to eat.”
Mikey looks at the candy bar and then at Frank, who can’t quite read his look. “Frank, you didn’t have to.”
“I know. But has it ever crossed your mind that I want to do this?” Frank asks, grinning cheekily as he echoes Mikey’s earlier statement. It makes Mikey smile and breaks up the tension. Taking the Twix from Frank Mikey looks thoughtfully at it before putting it on the nightstand. “We can share it tomorrow,” he decides before picking up the magazine, running his fingers over the glossy pages.
Gerard looks like he’s going to strain something, grinning wide and happy and throwing himself across the bed to hug Frank. “Merry Christmas, idiot.”
Frank laughs and hugs Gerard back tightly. It feels good, being able to give at least a little back, make Mikey and Gerard smile.
Later when they’re curled up in bed in a tangle of limbs, their own blanket spread over the one from the hotel for extra warmth, watching the Charlie Brown Christmas Special on TV, Frank whispers “I wish I could freeze time.”
“Yeah?” Gerard asks sleepily from his right, pushing his nose against Frank’s shoulder. “I wish I could slow it down. Then we could have tonight last for, like, years. Or turn back time. Or fast-forward. Because eventually things are gonna get better.”
Frank smiles and doesn’t reply. They need Gerard’s optimism. Frank just wishes that he could believe in things getting better as easily as Gerard.
“If I could have a superpower it wouldn’t be freezing time. That’s lame,” Mikey comments, hooking his chin over Frank’s shoulder. “You wouldn’t get to enjoy any of it because everyone would just be frozen.”
“What superpower do you wanna have then?” Frank asks.
“Hm. Flying I think. Or teleporting,” Mikey says. Frank is suddenly very aware of Mikey’s warm breath ghosting over his neck, his body pressed close to Frank’s.
“I don’t think I want superpowers. I’d rather be able to do magic,” Gerard says. His foot twitches against Frank’s leg.
“You’re a wizard, Gerard,” Frank chuckles, poking Gerard when he looks like he wants to
pout.
“Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see us?” Mikey adds, leaning over Frank and raising his eyebrows. How he manages to keep a straight face is beyond Frank, who is already shaking with laughter.
“
I’m just happy to see you,” Gerard purrs and Frank chokes on his laughter when Gerard presses even closer and he’s suddenly in the middle of a very tight Way sandwich.
Gerard bats his eyelashes at him and Frank swallows hard. Then the corners of Gerard’s lips twitch.
“You asshole!” Frank swats at Gerard’s shoulder. Great, now both Ways are laughing and he’s caught in a vibrating Way sandwich.
“I hate you guys,” Frank mutters, incapable of holding down on a smile.
“No you don’t. You love us,” Gerard replies. Frank shudders when Mikey presses a kiss to his shoulder, like a silent affirmation.
“Yeah. I do,” Frank replies after a few moments of silence. He genuinely means it. It’s a little early to drop the L bomb and whatnot, but ever since he’s been thrown out of his apartment Frank’s concept of time has been warped. There is no point in pretending that they are having a normal relationship and do things the normal way.
Gerard and Mikey, along with Zero, are the only friends in the world Frank has left. Maybe it’s what makes him feel stronger, more intense, makes it so easy to speak of love.
Frank’s only got a second to worry about having scared Mikey and Gerard away before Mikey presses closer to Frank and Gerard beams. Instead of replying with words Gerard leans in and kisses Frank. It’s still gentle, but not like before. There is possessiveness in the way Gerard’s teeth dig ever-so-slightly into Frank’s bottom lip, sucking and tugging before he crushes their lips together again.
Mikey remains a warm weight against Frank’s back, his hand idly resting on Frank’s hip, fingertips digging in.
Another shiver runs down Frank’s spine. He hasn’t felt this good in a long time.
Mikey gets impatient after a while, his hand moving up until he can put his fingers on Frank’s chin and turn his head away from Gerard. They break their kiss with a wet sound and Frank blinks. He’s not given a chance to gather his wits before it is Mikey who kisses him. Mikey’s more tentative than Gerard, but no less possessive. For a fleeting moment Frank wonders if they kiss their johns like that. As soon as the thought has crossed his mind Frank twists his hand into the front of Mikey’s hoodie and pulls him close.
All the johns can go to hell, Gerard and Mikey come home to Frank.
~
Even though the holiday cheer is gone, New Year’s Eve brings a new surge of excitement.
People break out their sparkliest clothes to attend parties all around the city, high with expectations and resolutions for the New Year.
Frank spent the past two New Year’s eves hiding away in the darkest alley he could find, seeking refuge from the world. He used to go out and party on New Year’s, staying up until late into the next day with friends, talking about all the things the New Year was going to bring. Being alone and knowing that none of his dreams would ever come true had been too hurtful a thing to face. Ignorance is bliss.
But this year things are different. Frank still doesn’t have a penny to his name, but Gerard and Mikey are taking a break in between work to come and be with him at midnight. Apparently a few hours before and after midnight are the peak times at New Year’s, when johns are drunk, or lonely, or both and seek out company.
Frank is waiting for Mikey and Gerard at a bus stop near last night’s motel, Zero in his lap as they watch the people passing by. Girls giggle and stumble in their high heels, groups of drunk teenagers laugh and yell, couples walk arm in arm.
Zero sighs and pushes his nose against Frank’s chest. “Agreed,” Frank mumbles and yawns. He’s so tired, but hopefully there will be enough desperate people tonight that Gerard and Mikey make enough to afford a hotel room. Which is kind of a shitty thing to think about because Frank doesn’t want his boyfriends to sleep with other people, but right now it’s the only way they can make money.
Zero squirms in his lap and Frank looks up, spotting Gerard and Mikey a few feet away.
“Hey you,” Gerard smiles and leans in for a quick kiss. He tastes like mint and Frank wrinkles his nose. Gerard always buys mints or chewing gum for the end of the night.
Mikey’s kiss tastes a little copper-y and Frank doesn’t think about why. Reaching up he gently traces his fingertips over the right side of Mikey’s face, where the skin is red and hot under his fingertips.
“Ready for a new year and all that shit?” Gerard asks, spitting his chewing gum out and lighting a cigarette.
“Eh, I guess,” Frank shrugs. “Made your resolutions?”
“I don’t believe in them,” Gerard replies without meeting Frank’s eyes. Frank doesn’t push and they start walking towards the small square where people are already gathered. Twenty minutes left until midnight.
“I got you guys something from the soup kitchen,” Frank says once they’ve found a spot away from the crowd.
“You are a saint, Frankie. I’m starving.” Gerard reaches for the bag and takes out the takeaway carton, humming happily as he opens it. “C’mon Mikey, share.” Mikey knows better than to protest.
Frank takes Gerard’s cigarette and finishes it while the brother’s eat. Around them people are chatting animatedly and for a moment Frank almost feels normal, like he belongs.
“Ten minutes till midnight,” Gerard says when he finishes eating, looking around for a bin.
“We can throw it away later,” Frank says and takes the bag from Gerard, putting it down by their feet. Zero immediately investigates.
“Good night so far?” Frank asks and Mikey pulls a face.
“Not really,” he shrugs. “Before midnight it’s always the assholes.”
Gerard nods. “You know, the ones that are feeling miserable because it’s New Year’s and wanna take it out on a punching bag. After midnight is better, then it’s mostly just drunks.”
“So at least the worse half of tonight is over?” Frank asks, trying to find something positive about their fucked up situation.
Reaching out Frank takes Mikey’s hand. They watch the countdown on the screen and the people around in silence. Two minutes before midnight the crowd starts getting excited, pouring drinks and getting ready.
All Frank does is loop Zero’s leash around his wrist so he can take Gerard’s hand too.
“You know, I think,” he starts, trying not to feel stupid and keeping his eyes firmly on the countdown. “I think, no, I know that next year is going to be fucking awesome.”
“Yeah?” Gerard asks and Mikey squeezes Frank’s hand.
“Yep,” Frank nods and tugs both Gerard and Mikey close until they stand huddled together. “I mean, things are a lot better already.” There’s something about New Year’s that apparently makes Frank just as stupid as the rest of the world, wanting to spill his guts.
“Last year I was alone and nobody would’ve cared if rats ambushed me and feasted on my body.”
“That’s fucking gross,” Mikey points out.
“Whatever, it’s true,” Frank replies. “And now I got you guys and, you know. Maybe this year we’ll make it. Together.”
“Aw, you’re getting all schmoopy,” Gerard laughs and pokes Frank’s side playfully.
“Maybe. I don’t care. This is gonna be our year.”
The cheering of the crowd as the countdown begins interrupts their conversation.
Ten, Nine, Eight
“So what are we gonna do about this kissing at midnight thing?” Frank needs to yell to be heard over the noise.
Seven, Six, Five, Four
“Threeway kiss,” Mikey says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
Three, Two, One
Frank doesn’t have a chance to ask about the logistics of that as cheering erupts and fireworks begin to light up the night sky. Gerard and Mikey both lean in and press their lips to Frank’s in the most uncoordinated kiss ever.
Frank closes his eyes and smiles. He’s sure now, this year is going to be their year.
~End~