(no subject)
so, i don't know, why does everything have to be so fucking complicated and why do i have to get so UPSET about every tiny little complication? why does shit only seem to happen on these weekends? and even though i'm going to be surrounded be people i know i'm going to feel very alone and i really have no idea if there's anything i can do about that.
this week sucks. you're not the only one with problems. don't think that for a second. really. i keep quiet i don't want to shove shit onto people when they have so much of their own to deal with but do you really have any idea what my stupid brain is telling me. and i hate the waiting and anticipation that seems to always always always disappoint in the end but goddamn it i need something to look forward to even when it all goes to hell six hours before and i sink into the depression that's been knocking at my door for the past couple of days.
and it's not their fault. i know it. i know it. i know it.
i'm still angry.
i still want things to work out the way we planned days ago.
and meanwhile i sit here in my too hot apartment and stew and can't seem to think of anything positive and my ca friends aren't picking up their phones and i just feel very very lonely but it can't be helped by anything except time and a drastic personality change.
i just don't think some people understand that the greatest way to piss me off is to bail on me at the last minute. I NEED CERTAINTY IN MY LIFE..