Stupid people...
Wordperfect Helpline
This is a true story from the Word Perfect Help line which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired, however, he/she is currently sueing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."
SERVICE: "Ridge Hall computer assistance, may I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
SERVICE: "What sort of trouble?"
CUSTOMER: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
SERVICE: "Went away?"
CUSTOMER: "They disappeared."
SERVICE: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
CUSTOMER: "Nothing."
SERVICE: "Nothing?"
CUSTOMER: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
SERVICE: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
CUSTOMER: "How do I tell?"
SERVICE: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
CUSTOMER: "What's a sea prompt?"
SERVICE: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
CUSTOMER: "There isn't any cursor. I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
SERVICE: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
CUSTOMER: "What's a monitor?"
SERVICE: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a T.V. Does it have a little light that tells you when it is on?"
CUSTOMER: "I don't know."
SERVICE: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
CUSTOMER: "Yes, I think so."
SERVICE: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
CUSTOMER: "Yes, it is."
SERVICE: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
CUSTOMER: "No."
SERVICE: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
CUSTOMER: "Okay, here it is."
SERVICE: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
CUSTOMER: "I can't reach."
SERVICE: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
CUSTOMER: "No."
SERVICE: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
CUSTOMER: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
SERVICE: "Dark?"
CUSTOMER: "Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
SERVICE: "Well, turn on the office light then."
CUSTOMER: "I can't."
SERVICE: "No? Why not?"
CUSTOMER: "Because there's a power failure."
SERVICE: "A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
CUSTOMER: "Well, yes. I keep them in the closet."
SERVICE: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
CUSTOMER: "Really? Is it that bad?"
SERVICE: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
CUSTOMER: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
SERVICE: "Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer."
*facepalm*