With you I have everything (part II)
“Danno, can Steve take me out into the water?” Grace shrieks, coming up onto the lanai just as Danny is closing the grill. Danny frowns down at her.
“You’re going to turn into a fish,” he tells her, “You’re going to spout gills and breath underwater and swim away from me. I’ll never get to see you again - that’s how much time you spend in the water!” he taps her on the nose, and she giggles.
“Danno,” she whines, “That’s not true! I want to swim! Steve said he’d go out deep with me.” Danny puts his hands on his hips and studies the ocean for a moment before looking at Steve, who is currently ankle deep in the water, staring back at him, and amused smile on his face. Grace is bouncing eagerly on the balls of her feet, awaiting Danny’s answer.
“Alright, alright,” Danny says, holding his hands up in surrender, “I have no say against you and your partner in crime, do I now?” Grace grins and dashes off towards Steve, shrieking that yes, she’s allowed out in the ocean with him, they need to go now, hurry, hurry.
It’s their fourth barbeque in as many weekends, and Danny is relaxed, enjoying his time spent with Steve, almost as much as Grace is. He knows Grace misses having two adults in her life, that both spend time with her. He knows the divorce has been rough on her, and that writing those letters to Steve had helped - and now having Steve to spend time with is helping get her mind off the fact that her mother isn’t here. That her mother might never be here, honestly.
And, Danny has reasoned with himself plenty of times late at night, staring at himself in his bathroom mirror, okay, maybe he likes that Steve is getting his mind off of his recently messy divorce, his busy cases at work, his messy life in general. Maybe he likes that ultimately, Steve has the potential to help glue Danny back together, if he were to stick around long enough. It doesn’t hurt that he’s really, truly good with Grace, good at talking to her, playing with her, and protecting her, all at the same time. Danny sees the way he watches people when they’re in a public places, making sure they’re not threatening to Grace, or even Danny, making sure they’re not eyeing Grace in any way but that awww, she’s adorable with her father way. He’s almost called him out on it a few times, but he’s sure Steve would lock up tight, deny it, and refuse to talk about his emotional issues - which is pretty much his entire life.
Dinner finishes just as Grace and Steve come out of the water, Grace running through the sand. “Rinse off, please,” Danny tells her, frowning at her sand covered body. She’s grinning happily, brushing sand off her hands as she heads towards the outdoor shower, grabbing a towel off the chair. “You, too,” he tells Steve, eyeing his sandy feet. Steve rolls his eyes.
“Sure thing, mom,” Steve says cheekily, and Danny resists the urge to slap him.
Kono has, on more than one occasion, accused their banter of making them sound like an old married couple, causing them both to blush and shift away from one another, eyeing a wall or picture as though it’s the most interesting thing in the room, suddenly. Danny knows there’s something there; he just doesn’t know how to approach it. He isn’t even sure if he wants to approach it, with Steve on indefinite leave, meaning he could be called away at any moment.
Steve takes a towel and starts drying himself off. “You’re getting wet sand near all the food!” Danny says, swatting a hand at him, glaring, “You stupid hulk, go rinse off and dry near the shower, like my own daughter knows to do.”
“Come on, Danno,” Steve needles, giving him a teasing smile, “Don’t you want sandy food?”
“I’ll spit in yours,” Danny threatens, piling burgers onto the spatula and transferring them to a paper plate as he talks, “Keep it up, and just watch, I’ll do it. I promise you, I will.”
“You’d never,” Steve says, leaning over to check out the burgers, making sure they’re done ‘just right,’ he insists. Danny now knows Steve likes his burgers medium, his steaks pretty much bloody, and everything else that’s red meat, he avoids. Really, Danny thinks, he doesn’t know how Steve has survived this long on a diet of bland chicken (no seasoning, ever), and brown rice (no butter, no salt or pepper, too unhealthy, Steve insists). They’ve met in the middle, Danny agreeing to try more healthy things for him and Grace if Steve agreed to stop eating chicken and rice nearly every night, accept the nights he went a little wild and ate some fish instead.
In reality, Danny knows Steve is practically taking over his life.
If pressed to tell the truth, Danny will tell anyone he doesn’t mind all that much.
Not really.
--
“Steve,” Danny says into the phone.
“What’s wrong?” Steve is immediately awake and alert, and Danny can hear the sound of him shifting in his bed to sit up. Danny sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes. From Grace’s room, he can hear her sniffles.
“I have a,” Danny takes a deep breath, “Very upset daughter,” he says, sighing, “And I’ve gotten called into work for a case that Chin is having trouble handling himself. The divorce is suddenly taking a turn for the nasty, and he’d like my opinion. Of course it would fall today, when Rachel has decided to once again disappoint Grace and -“ he breaks off, blowing out another sigh, resisting the urge to punch the wall in front of him. He slaps his palm against it, though, and it makes a loud noise that echoes through the hall.
“Give me two minutes,” Steve says firmly, and he disconnects.
The big lug doesn’t even have the manners to hang up.
He strides through the door exactly two minutes later to absolute chaos, a frantic looking Danny trying to soothe Grace, who is shouting and screaming into his cell phone at someone, tears streaming down her face, while he tries to tell her to calm down and simultaneously zip his pants. His shirt still isn’t tucked in, and the buttons are done up unevenly. His hair is standing in every direction. Steve would find this look very amusing if he wasn’t sure this household was headed for apocalyptic proportions in the next five minutes.
“I hate you!” Grace is screaming into the phone, tears and snot dripping from her face, “You promised you’d come and you lied! Danno never lies. I hate you! I never want to see you again, just stay where you are!” she screams and she throws the phone on the couch and runs up the stairs.
“Grace!” Danny calls after her, but his voice is broken, and he sighs, brushing his hands through his hair. Steve leans against the entryway to the living room, arms crossed.
“What’s going on?” he asks softly. Danny jumps, hadn’t noticed he’d arrived, and turns to face him.
“Rachel,” he says in an even tone, filled with disgust, “as you know, promised Grace months ago that she would fly out to see her during her Spring Break. Apparently a ‘Very Important Business Meeting’ that will take ‘several weeks’ has come about, and now she can’t,” Danny says, and his blue eyes fill with hurt for his daughter. “She, of course, left it to me to tell our daughter that she wouldn’t be making it, which severely disappointed Grace. Then she called, just a few moments ago, as you can see. This only angered Grace.” Danny shrugs, “You can’t really blame her. How many times has she been let down by her now? How many times have we been let down by her now?”
“I’m sorry,” Steve murmurs.
“Don’t be,” Danny says, finally getting a chance to fix the buttons on his shirt and tuck it in. He scoops his tie up from its place on the coffee table and swings it around his neck. “Can you just watch her? Kono can’t today, she’s gone surfing - it’s Saturday, you know? And maybe talk to her? I wish - I wish I could,” he swallows, eyes darting towards the steps, where Grace disappeared just moments ago. “But I’ll be back as soon as I can. I’ll bring pizza for us.”
“Danny,” Steve says, stepping forward and placing a hand on his shoulder. Danny leans into the touch for a moment. “Don’t worry about us, okay? I coax Grace out of her room, I’ll make sure I cheer her up, make sure she forgets about this, okay? And then we’ll eat pizza and watch movies and you can tell me how stupid I am for only eating one slice, am I crazy or something, and all that jazz?” Steve gives him a teasing grin, and Danny breathes out a deep sigh.
“Okay,” he says, “Okay.” He heads towards the door.
“Hey, Danny,” Steve calls, voice catching in his throat, because he feels like he has something important he wants to say, but he can’t figure out what it is just in that moment.
Danny stops, turns around. “Yeah?” he asks, eyes flashing.
Steve swallows, “Fix your hair.”
--
Steve knocks on Grace’s door and waits for a cautious minute before opening it. Grace is curled up on her bed, arms wrapped around a stuffed animal, staring out the window towards the ocean. Steve doesn’t blame her; he knows it’s her favorite place to be, knows that when she’s not in school, at softball practice, or spending time with Danny, she wants to be down in the sand, the water brushing at her toes. It’s Steve’s favorite place to be, and nine times out of ten these days, if Grace is down there, so is Steve.
He walks into the room, but Grace doesn’t turn around, just keeps sniffling and staring out at the waves. The window is cracked open so you can hear them crashing against the shore, the sound soothing to Steve’s - and probably Grace’s - ears. “Hey, Gracie,” he says softly, taking a seat in the rocking chair in the corner of her room. Grace doesn’t say anything. “Danno told me what happened. I-” Steve breaks off for a moment, because he’s not entirely sure what to say here, or how, exactly, to approach Grace. Finally he says, “You know, my dad let me down a lot, too, Gracie.” He leans forwards, clasping his hands together and resting his arms on his knees, watching her carefully for any reaction.
“He used to make promises a lot, but then he’d get called into work, and he couldn’t,” Steve shrugs, “And then he sent me away, and he kept promising to come visit, and he never did. The thing is, Gracie, it - it sucks,” Grace rolls over at this, her cheeks tearstained.
“Danno says you’re not allowed to say that word.”
“We won’t tell him,” Steve winks, and Grace gives him a tiny smile, so Steve feels it’s best to continue. “But it does, suck - it does. And I don’t know if your mom will keep letting you down, Grace - I hope she won’t. You don’t deserve that. But you have to focus on the good things, because that’s what I did, okay?”
“The good things?” Grace asks, looking at him curiously.
Steve nods, “Yeah. Like, you have you dad here, and he never misses a softball game, a school play or meeting, or anything. You have Kono, who gives you surfing lessons, you have Chin, who plays video games with you,” Steve lists.
“I have you, who does everything with me - anything I ask!” Grace says, sitting up a little, her eyes drying, and Steve smiles.
“Of course you have me,” Steve replies, “Grace you have a whole family down here. Your mom will always be there, and she’ll always make mistakes - that’s what parents do. That’s what kids do, too. I think they just trade off. But you’re too young to understand that, so you’ll probably be mad at her a lot. You’ll probably be mad at Danno a couple times, too. But… you can always come and talk to me, I promise.”
“Really,” Grace says, sitting the whole way up now, clutching her sock monkey tight. “Really and truly, you promise you’ll always be there for me to talk to, Steve?” She demands, and there’s a glint in her eyes that Steve isn’t quite sure he understands.
Steve swallows hard, reaches out and wraps her in his arms tight, “Really and truly, Grace,” he whispers into her hair before kissing her on the top of her head once.
And he feels like he’s at home for the first time in a long time.
--
Grace and Steve are watching a movie when Danny bursts through the door, pizza and beers in hand. It’s late, nearing ten o’clock, but it is spring break, Danny reminds himself, so Grace is allowed to be up late, especially if he hasn’t seen her nearly all day and she was upset earlier. He stops short when he sees how they’re arranged on the couch. He’s seen the sight before, sort of. Only, he’s lived it, instead. Grace is curled up into Steve’s side, and Steve’s arm is slung over so that it’s wrapped protectively around her, while she keeps her eyes glued to the screen, and Steve - Danny swallows - Steve only occasionally glances at the screen, the rest of the time keeping his eyes on Grace, in almost what seems like amazement. Like he can’t really believe that she likes him that much.
“Hey,” Danny says softly, but he’s having trouble breathing, doesn’t really want to disturb this sudden image, and there’s these feelings in his chest. He can’t shake them off.
Steve looks up, and Grace peeks through Steve’s arm, “Hey, Danno,” they say at the exact same time, and Danny grips the beer in his hand tighter. Feelings.
“Is that pizza?” Grace asks curiously, sitting up straighter to get a better look.
“Grace, you already ate,” Steve chides, looking mortified at the fact that she could possibly be hungry.
“Salad,” Grace says, shooting him a look that’s almost annoyed, and Steve has the good grace to look sheepish.
“You fed my daughter salad and that’s it?” Danny asks, arching an eyebrow, “She’s a growing kid, Steven. Give her some chicken, too, at least.” But he throws him a smile, too. “Come on, into the kitchen, children, eat some pizza, okay?” he says, gesturing towards the kitchen, and Grace jumps off the couch. She holds out her hand to help Steve up, and they follow Danny to the kitchen.
“Beer?” Danny offers Steve, and Steve nods, taking it from him. Grace dives into her pizza after Danny sets a plate down for her, and they stand watching her silently for a moment. Finally they turn to face the window and Danny asks quietly, “Was she -“
“She was good, Danny, we got it all sorted,” Steve says softly, comfortingly, and reaches a hand out and touches it to Danny’s shoulder. The warmth of his skin spreads through Danny, and Danny sighs, relaxing a little. Steve hesitates for a minute before he says, “Her mother - Rachel - she’s never going to change, Danny. You - you can’t keep hoping for her to, because. Because it just won’t happen. She’ll always love her job, and you guys - you’ll come second place. But what counts is that you’re there. You love her more than anything. God, I swear, I’ve never seen a dad like you before, in all my years working with… hundreds of fathers. You deserve a medal, or something.”
Danny closes his eyes, tries to blink back emotional tears at the sudden onset of Steve’s speech. Because Steve is never on for words, and here he is, saying all these things.
“I just… wanted you to know,” Steve says, seemingly struggling to find the right thing to say, “That. I’m here for you both, okay?”
And his hand is still on Danny’s shoulder, and they’re still facing the window, and Danny’s eyes are still closed, and the world seems to be tilted, because Danny’s pretty confused with everything he’s feeling. All he knows is that he wants. Wants Steve. Wants a family. Wants Grace to be happy and the world to seem right.
Right now, though, he keeps his eyes closed, nods once, long and slow, and lets Steve keep his hand on his shoulder, comforting and warm.
--
“Dannnnooooooo!”
“Oh Jesus fuck,” Danny mumbles under his breath, gripping his pen for patience. He keeps writing and studiously ignores the voice. The door bursts open and Danny closes his eyes, rubs two fingers against his temps and sighs deeply.
“Danno,” Steve says again as he steps into the office, hands on his hips.
“Steven,” Danny says tightly, glancing up, “How can I help you on this fine day?”
“You haven’t answered your phone for the last three days!” Steve says, eyes looking wild and crazy. “Every time I call, I’m put through to voice mail. It’s enough to make a guy worry, okay? I thought you were -“ He breaks off, swallowing, and shrugs. Danny looks up; narrowing his eyes a little, and drops his pen down onto the desk.
“You thought I was what?” he asks softly.
“Nothing,” Steve says, shrugging again, “It’s clear you’re just busy and I overreacted. I just wanted to see if I could take Grace out surfing today, instead of Kono. But if not it’s - not a big deal,” Steve trails off, and it’s obvious to anyone with two ears and eyeballs that it is a big deal, that he’s been a little lost and worried in these last three days.
Danny isn’t sure how to apologize, because the truth is, he’s been sending all of Steve’s calls to voicemail, and ignoring all of his texts. He’s needed space, needed room to breathe without being overwhelmed by Steve’s presence for a few seconds. The sad part is, Grace has been begging to see him, wondering where he’s been and when they’ll see him again, and Danny just keeps putting her off, telling her that Steve is the one who’s been busy. Danny sighs again. “Sorry I haven’t called,” he tells Steve, offering him a small smile, “It’s been a little hectic. Grace is at home with Kono though - spring break, you know? If you want to swing by and take her out surfing or do your fish-thing.”
“Fish-thing?” Steve wrinkles his nose, looking confused.
“You know, live out in the ocean all day or whatever.”
Steve rolls his eyes. “What about after?” he demands.
“What about after?” Danny responds, confused himself now, looking up from his paperwork again to meet Steve’s eyes. They’re hazel today, standing out against his shirt perfectly.
“Well, do you want to get dinner?”
“What - I don’t know how late I’ll be at the office tonight,” Danny tries, glancing down at his desk, which actually holds very little paperwork. Steve stares at him for a long minute and the blows out a sigh.
“Okay, Danny,” he says quietly, backing out of the office, “Sure. Maybe next time.”
“Sure,” Danny says, and watches him disappear into the elevator.
Not even a minute later, Chin appears in the doorway into his office. “Steve was here?” he asks, flopping down onto Danny’s couch.
“Yeah,” Danny shrugs, picking up another item of paper and starting to fill it out. Chin watches him for a long moment before speaking again.
“You didn’t pack everything up and go with him?”
“He wanted to spend time with Grace,” Danny replies distractedly, almost uncomfortably.
“You don’t think he wanted to spend time with you, too, Danny?” Chin says, eyeing him now.
“No - I don’t know,” Danny sighs, scrubbing at his eyes. “He asked if we wanted to go to dinner with him,” he says.
“Because he doesn’t just want to spend time with Grace, Danny,” Chin says, “I knew Steve, before. When he’d come home on leave - which was hardly ever - he was an empty shell of a human being. He wasn’t anything like he is now. He didn’t talk about his feelings, he didn’t beg to hang out with anybody. He found a bar, and he slummed in it until closing time. There were a couple times his old man had to go pull him out of it, then they’d get into a huge fight and Steve would disappear for a couple more years. Wouldn’t see or hear from him again. When Steve’s dad died, they still hadn’t resolved anything. You’ve turned him around, Danny. You and Grace. Grace started it, but you finished it. You telling me you don’t feel the same way brah?”
Danny stares out his office window into the city of Honolulu for a long moment, quiet. He knows Chin will sit there and wait, possibly for hours, for Danny to respond, and Danny just needs a moment to breathe, to think, about what’s going on in his head, in his life. Finally he says, “I thought I had a family. With Rachel. And do you know what happened, Chin? She decided she loved her job more than me - which I could deal with. But then she decided she loved her job more than her kid. I can’t forget what Steve’s job is. I can’t forget how we met in the first place, that he could be snatched up and taken away from me for forever.
“So maybe I do like Steve - possibly I could be falling in love with him - because when he’s here, we’re a great little family unit. But what about when he’s not?”
Chin doesn’t have an answer for that.
--
Steve is coming in from his morning shower when the phone rings. His CO is on the other end of the phone. “I sure hope you’ve had enough time away,” he says into the phone, and Steve gets a sinking feeling in his stomach, because. No.
He hasn’t.
“Yes, sir,” he says dutifully, spine stiffening out of reflex.
“We’ve got a shitstorm brewing over here,” he continues. “You’ve got twenty four hours, be at Pearl to take off with a team I’ve been working to put together. They’ll brief you there. See you soon McGarrett. Don’t let me down.”
“Of course not, sir.”
Steve hangs the phone up and stares at sitting in his hand until it goes off again, this time with Danny’s name flashing across the screen. He lets it ring for another three seconds before he answers it slowly. “Jeez, what took you so long?” Danny asks him when he picks up. “Grace is begging to go to the zoo today, and she insists that you come. It’s a Saturday and I always promise the weekends are hers to do as she pleases - within the realm of reality, of course,” he hastens to add, as if to warn Steve not to go off buying her any ponies, or anything.
“The zoo,” Steve says, head clouded with a million different thoughts.
“Yes, that’s what I said,” Danny says, and Steve can tell he’s frowning.
“Okay,” Steve says, “I can go to the zoo.”
There’s silence for a second before Danny’s voice crackles over the line again, “Steve, are you okay? You sound spaced out. Like, freaked out.”
“I’m fine, Danny,” he says quickly. “I have to shower if you want to go to the zoo. What time do you want to meet?”
“Twenty minutes okay?” Danny asks.
“That’s fine,” Steve says, and hangs up.
He showers quickly and then meets Danny outside in the driveway, where Grace is bouncing next to him excitedly. Steve represses the sinking feeling in his stomach and pushes a grin forward instead. “Hey Gracie, Danno,” he says, wrapping his arms around Grace as she rushes forward, hugging him tight.
“Uncle Steve,” she beams up at him, “We’re going to the zoo today. Danno promised weeks ago, and he’s finally taking me! I’m so excited! I want to see the monkeys, because Danno says they’ll act just like me.”
“You think?” Steve teases, “I bet they’re even crazier,” he taps her once on the nose, and meets Danny’s eyes. Danny is frowning, looking curiously at him, but Steve just shrugs, smiling at him instead. They pile into Danny’s car, and, with Steve driving, Danny leans over.
“Are you okay?” he asks, and Steve’s hands reflexively tighten on the wheel.
“Fine,” he murmurs, “I just - can we do dinner tonight, all of us? I have something to tell you?” And he avoids glancing over at Danny, because he just knows that Danny knows, knows that deep inside, Danny will figure it out, and he doesn’t want to see the look of disappointment on his face. Danny stays quiet for a moment before he responds.
“Yeah,” he says, “Yeah, Gracie, how does that sound? Dinner with Uncle Steve?”
“Yeah!” she cheers, and Steve relaxes just a little.
--
“So,” Danny says, leaning back in his seat and crossing his legs, observing Steve over a glass of soda. He’s tense, he knows something is up, he just doesn’t know what for sure. They’ve spent the entire day running around the zoo looking at animals and Grace sits in Steve’s lap, sound asleep, exhausted after the long day. Steve has been picking at his food for the last twenty minutes and Danny just knows he’s about to tell him something he doesn’t want to hear.
“Danny,” Steve clears his throat, “Danny, I have to go away again,” he says, and then he closes his eyes as if he can avoid the oncoming storm of rage that’s about to hit the table, courtesy of Danny himself. Danny can feel it curling around the edges of his stomach, spiraling up towards his throat, just waiting to pour out between them in vicious, vicious words. He blinks once, twice, and he’s sure he sees red.
“You - what?” he says, swallowing tightly, trying to breathe.
“My CO called me today, he’s calling me back. This was only a break, Danny, it was never - I was never meant to stay for good. I’m sorry. I have to go back and finish out my tour.”
“Your tour isn’t finished? Chin told me you’d been gone for years!”
“I have but - this is…” Steve trails off, “My CO sent me home on a break because I haven’t been on one in a long time. He’s calling me back because he has an important mission that he needs me for. I - I think I’m done after this one, though, Danny, I swear - Danny, what are you doing, Danny!” he questions as Danny stands up, throwing cash down on the table and picking Grace up from Steve’s lap. She wakes up with a start, looking around curiously. “Danny, don’t do this,” Steve pleads lowly.
“Don’t tell me what to do, Steven,” Danny shoots back, going for the car.
“Danno, what’s going on?” Grace mumbles sleepily, and Danny kisses her forehead, brushes her hair back as he keeps walking. Steve follows him, trying to fix this.
“Danny, please, I’m trying to explain -“
“Explain what, Steve? There’s nothing to explain! You promised my daughter you’d be there for her, and now you’re not going to be. And I thought -“ Danny breaks off, looking away, blinking back tears he thought he could prevent. “I thought maybe we had something, okay? But clearly I was wrong, because it’s obvious this means more to you than we do.”
“Danny it’s not something I can get out of!” Steve protests.
“Did you even try?” Danny asks, spinning around from buckling Grace into the car, “Did you ask if your contract was up? Did you tell him you needed more time? Did you consider transferring to the Reserves or - or getting out of there? I don’t know, Steve, I don’t know, maybe this life is all you know, and that’s okay. But I thought maybe if Grace and I showed you family again - I thought maybe if Grace showed you family again, you’d take that into consideration. I mean I know I’ve pulled back lately, but it’s only because I’ve cared a little too much. But I’ve never kept Grace from you. So did you even try?”
Steve blinks, shocked.
Danny laughs hollowly, “Fuck you, Steve. Call a cab.” And he peels out of the parking lot, leaving Steve with nothing but a glimpse of his taillights.
Steve calls him three times just while Danny’s driving, but Danny ignores them, driving down the highway steadily, keeping his eyes on the road and trying not to think about Steve away in some desert or jungle, possibly getting shot at and killed. He’s been pushing his feelings back for so long, and now they’ve been laid out on the table, and not in any way he wanted them to be. He feels shitty, both for admitting his feelings right before Steve has to leave, and for leaving Steve like he did.
The phone rings again, and a picture of Steve and Grace pops up on the screen, telling Danny who it is yet once more. Danny jabs at the ignore button as he pulls into the driveway, cutting the engine. “Danno?” Grace yawns, “Whattsa matter?”
Danny stares up at the house, and then glances over at Steve’s house, both of them dark, and it hits him.
He has to tell Grace.
He doesn’t want to tell her.
“Come on, Monkey,” he says, swallowing back tears, “Let’s get you inside, okay?”
“Where’s Uncle Steve?” she asks, unbuckling her seatbelt and climbing out of the car, taking his hand as they walk towards the door. Danny unlocks the front door and enters the alarm code before he answers her.
“Monkey - Grace - we have to talk, baby,” he says, sitting down on the couch, and Grace stares at him for a long moment, wide, fearful eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
“Uncle Steve… has to go away, Grace,” Danny says, watching her carefully, and she watches him back for a long moment, unsure of what to say.
“What do you mean?” she finally asks, her voice trembling, “Doesn’t Uncle Steve like us anymore? Why does he have to go away too? He promised, Danno, he promised!”
“No - Grace - no,” Danny shakes his head quickly, “Uncle Steve loves you, and if he had any say in it, he wouldn’t be going anywhere, I know that for sure, okay? I promise you. He just - the Navy is making him do this, or he wouldn’t, okay, I promise. He loves you, Grace, he loves you.”
“Then why is he leaving?” she shouts, stomping her foot and Danny knows he’s in for a totally un-Grace-like fit, but he doesn’t blame her, “Everyone leaves, Danno! Mom left, and now Uncle Steve’s leaving, and they all break their promises! It’s not fair!”
“Grace, I’m sorry,” he says, exhausted already, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say. I’m sorry.”
She shakes her head and runs out the front door before Danny can stop her, even though he’s already jumping up, following her down the front porch steps and across their lawn onto Steve’s, up Steve’s porch, where Grace starts pounding on his door. Steve has already opened the door though, and is rushing out to meet her, where she starts pounding on his chest, “You lied!” She yells, “You lied! You told me you would be here, and you lied! You’re leaving just like mommy left me and Danno! You lied and I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!”
“Grace,” Steve says, his voice breaking, and Danny scrubs at his face, tugs at his hair in the middle of the lawn, tears dripping down his face as he watches the two of them, trying to figure out what to do. “Grace I -“
“No!” She screams, shrill and bright in the middle of the evening air, shattering any peace there was in the neighborhood, “No, no, no! I hate you! You lied! You’re just like mommy! You don’t love me or Danno!” She pushes against Steve’s just once more before she sinks into his hug for moment, sobbing. Then she pulls away, running back down the steps and wrapping her arms around Danny’s legs, crying even harder than Danny thinks he’s ever seen her cry.
He can’t even believe the turn of events through this day. He went from spending the day at the zoo with his daughter and the guy he thought he might love, to his daughter sobbing in the middle of his lawn, because she thinks everyone might leave her. Steve is sitting on the floor of his front porch, watching them both with broken eyes, and Danny just can’t believe his day.
“Take me home, Danno!” Grace cries, reaching her arms up to be held, “Take me home!”
He just can’t believe it.
--
There’s a knock on the door before the sun is even up. Danny is sitting in the living room, a bottle of Johnny Walker sitting on the coffee table, a glass sitting next to it, and he’s staring at the blank television screen. He doesn’t get up to answer it, and Steve keeps knocking for a while before he gives up. Finally, the knocking goes away and there’s the sound of a car pulling away.
For who knows how long, Danny thinks, Steve has disappeared from their lives.
He barreled into it, sweet and sure, and now he’s gone, and Danny didn’t even get to experience the one thing he wanted more than anything.
Being with him.
Danny gives up staring at the television and goes into Grace’s room, where she’s tossing and turning in a restless sleep.
--
“Danno?” Grace comes into the kitchen later in the morning. They’ve both slept until late morning, and now they’re spending their time wallowing in their own sadness. She’s holding a white envelope and she’s looking down at it curiously. “This was under the door.”
Danny jumps up from the table and comes over, taking it from her. He stares down at the neat handwriting, Danno, printed across the center of the envelope, and he knows exactly who it’s from. “Thanks,” he mumbles, sliding his finger under the fold and tearing it open.
It’s not long, just two sentences sprawled across the middle of the page, as the Steve couldn’t think of what to say (he was never good with words anyways), and he just wrote down the first things that came to him.
You weren’t wrong.
I’m coming back to you and Grace.
And that’s it. Danny isn’t sure what to make of it for right now, so he folds it back up and kisses the top of Grace’s head. “Danno loves you,” he says, and she hugs him.
“Love you too,” she mumbles.
--
Weeks pass and Grace comes downstairs one night with a notebook and pen in her hand. “I’m ready to forgive Uncle Steve,” she announces to Danny, and Danny turns around from where he’s been making chicken salad. He arches an eyebrow at her, a gesture for her to continue, and she sets her pen and notebook on the table. “I thought about it, Danno, and he couldn’t help being sent away. And he needs all the support he can get. I want him to come home to us, Daddy.”
“I -“ Danny breaks off.
“I love him, Daddy. I know you do too,” Grace says softly, watching him for a reaction. “He’s the best part of this family, and I know you miss him. I miss him. I want to write to him again, like last time. Only this time he’ll know who it’s from. Please, can I?”
“I’d never stop you,” Danny says quietly, watching as she beams at him and sits down at the table, starting on her letter.
--
Three months go by, and Grace writes one every day for him, Danny sitting nearby as she does. Sometimes she’ll get responses, and sometimes she won’t. She never talks about what she writes, and Danny never really asks, until one day, he does. “What do you talk about with Steve?” he asks her, driving her to her friend Aletta’s house for the evening.
“Everything,” Grace says, looking over at him, shrugging. “You can read them if you want, Danno.” They pull up to the house and she kisses Danny’s cheek, “They’re on my desk. Love you.”
“Love you too, baby.”
When he gets home, he wanders through the strangely silent house for a while before he makes his way up to his daughter’s room, and stares at the pile of letters sitting on the corner of her desk, tied neatly together with green ribbon. He fingers the smooth ribbon for a moment before he unties it, the fabric falling to the desk, and then picks up the letter sitting on top.
Gracie,
It’s great the you’re learning more and more about surfing; I’m so proud of you. The best part is that Kono teaches you about Hawaiian culture when you’re out on the waves. I think it’s amazing that she takes the time to tell you those stories.
I’m so proud of you for all the hard work you’ve put into school and sports and surfing, and I can’t wait to be back so you can show it to me. I miss you so much.
Don’t worry about me so much, okay? I’ll make you a deal: I’ll stop worrying about you and Danno so much if you stop worrying about me so much.
Make sure you tell me about the latest chapter of Harry Potter; I can’t wait to hear more about it baby.
I love you,
Steve.
Danny puts the letter down gently, and sinks down onto Grace’s bed, staring at the pile of letters. He can’t believe he’s stayed angry at Steve this long for something that wasn’t even in his power to control. He wants to take back every hurtful word he said that night, wants to go back in time and take it all back, pull Steve into his arms and kiss him senseless.
Since he can’t, he does the next best thing. He steals a piece of his daughter’s stationary, and one of her pens, sits at her desk, and starts writing.
Steve,
I’m writing because this is how it all started. It started right here, in Grace’s room, with her stationary, with her letters.
With you.
At first we didn’t know who you were, and we didn’t think we’d ever know who you were. And then you came crashing over us like a tidal wave, big and strong, so great. And I couldn’t say no to you getting to know my baby girl, because you had these great, sad eyes and this air about you that said you always wanted to do the right thing. And then it turned into something more.
You fell for us, as a family, and it took longer for me to realize that maybe I fell for you, too. That I wanted the whole package deal. By the time I did, I kept pushing you away because I thought you were only there for Grace, but I know that’s not the truth. I know you’re there for the both of us.
I know you love us both, and the truth is?
I love you, too.
I love you even now, when you’re gone, and I never stop thinking about you. Every day passes and you’re my first thought when I wake up in the morning, and my last thought before I fall asleep. I know that’s true for Grace, too, because she thinks of you as another father figure.
Steve, you’re it.
You’re everything.
I wasn’t wrong - we do have something. But I was wrong to throw it all away.
So come home, Sailor.
I’ll be waiting.
Danny.
--
“Danno, Danno! When’s he gonna be here?” Grace bounces up and down, holding his hand, peering through the crowd of people to look for Steve.
“Soon, I promise,” Danny says, also searching for him.
“I hope so,” Grace’s eyes cloud over with worry momentarily before she shrugs it off, and then she smiles again.
“Danny, Grace!” they hear, and turn around. Steve comes running towards them, and Grace jumps up and down again, once more excited, before she’s being swept up into Steve’s arms, covered in hugs and kisses.
“I missed you!” she shrieks, hugging and kissing him back, “I missed you so much!”
“I missed you too,” Steve beams at her. Danny shields his eyes from the sunlight and smiles up at them. Steve looks down at him.
“Hey,” Danny says softly.
“Hey,” Steve says just as softly.
Danny opens his mouth to say something else, but before he can, he’s being wrapped in Steve’s arms, being kissed by Steve; the best kiss he’s ever had, he thinks, kissing Steve back, and Grace is laughing on Steve’s other side, hugging them both as Danny pulls away.
“I love you,” Steve tells him, eyes drilling into him, honest and true.
“I - I love you too,” Danny says, still dazed. “Yes, yeah, of course,” Danny says. Steve just beams.
“Let’s go home.”
When they’re in the car, Steve takes his hand, smiling over at him. “Think about it,” he says softly, “Where would we be if Grace hadn’t gotten us here?”
“Nowhere,” Danny says, not even hesitating, “Absolutely nowhere, babe.”
“You’re going to turn into a fish,” he tells her, “You’re going to spout gills and breath underwater and swim away from me. I’ll never get to see you again - that’s how much time you spend in the water!” he taps her on the nose, and she giggles.
“Danno,” she whines, “That’s not true! I want to swim! Steve said he’d go out deep with me.” Danny puts his hands on his hips and studies the ocean for a moment before looking at Steve, who is currently ankle deep in the water, staring back at him, and amused smile on his face. Grace is bouncing eagerly on the balls of her feet, awaiting Danny’s answer.
“Alright, alright,” Danny says, holding his hands up in surrender, “I have no say against you and your partner in crime, do I now?” Grace grins and dashes off towards Steve, shrieking that yes, she’s allowed out in the ocean with him, they need to go now, hurry, hurry.
It’s their fourth barbeque in as many weekends, and Danny is relaxed, enjoying his time spent with Steve, almost as much as Grace is. He knows Grace misses having two adults in her life, that both spend time with her. He knows the divorce has been rough on her, and that writing those letters to Steve had helped - and now having Steve to spend time with is helping get her mind off the fact that her mother isn’t here. That her mother might never be here, honestly.
And, Danny has reasoned with himself plenty of times late at night, staring at himself in his bathroom mirror, okay, maybe he likes that Steve is getting his mind off of his recently messy divorce, his busy cases at work, his messy life in general. Maybe he likes that ultimately, Steve has the potential to help glue Danny back together, if he were to stick around long enough. It doesn’t hurt that he’s really, truly good with Grace, good at talking to her, playing with her, and protecting her, all at the same time. Danny sees the way he watches people when they’re in a public places, making sure they’re not threatening to Grace, or even Danny, making sure they’re not eyeing Grace in any way but that awww, she’s adorable with her father way. He’s almost called him out on it a few times, but he’s sure Steve would lock up tight, deny it, and refuse to talk about his emotional issues - which is pretty much his entire life.
Dinner finishes just as Grace and Steve come out of the water, Grace running through the sand. “Rinse off, please,” Danny tells her, frowning at her sand covered body. She’s grinning happily, brushing sand off her hands as she heads towards the outdoor shower, grabbing a towel off the chair. “You, too,” he tells Steve, eyeing his sandy feet. Steve rolls his eyes.
“Sure thing, mom,” Steve says cheekily, and Danny resists the urge to slap him.
Kono has, on more than one occasion, accused their banter of making them sound like an old married couple, causing them both to blush and shift away from one another, eyeing a wall or picture as though it’s the most interesting thing in the room, suddenly. Danny knows there’s something there; he just doesn’t know how to approach it. He isn’t even sure if he wants to approach it, with Steve on indefinite leave, meaning he could be called away at any moment.
Steve takes a towel and starts drying himself off. “You’re getting wet sand near all the food!” Danny says, swatting a hand at him, glaring, “You stupid hulk, go rinse off and dry near the shower, like my own daughter knows to do.”
“Come on, Danno,” Steve needles, giving him a teasing smile, “Don’t you want sandy food?”
“I’ll spit in yours,” Danny threatens, piling burgers onto the spatula and transferring them to a paper plate as he talks, “Keep it up, and just watch, I’ll do it. I promise you, I will.”
“You’d never,” Steve says, leaning over to check out the burgers, making sure they’re done ‘just right,’ he insists. Danny now knows Steve likes his burgers medium, his steaks pretty much bloody, and everything else that’s red meat, he avoids. Really, Danny thinks, he doesn’t know how Steve has survived this long on a diet of bland chicken (no seasoning, ever), and brown rice (no butter, no salt or pepper, too unhealthy, Steve insists). They’ve met in the middle, Danny agreeing to try more healthy things for him and Grace if Steve agreed to stop eating chicken and rice nearly every night, accept the nights he went a little wild and ate some fish instead.
In reality, Danny knows Steve is practically taking over his life.
If pressed to tell the truth, Danny will tell anyone he doesn’t mind all that much.
Not really.
--
“Steve,” Danny says into the phone.
“What’s wrong?” Steve is immediately awake and alert, and Danny can hear the sound of him shifting in his bed to sit up. Danny sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes. From Grace’s room, he can hear her sniffles.
“I have a,” Danny takes a deep breath, “Very upset daughter,” he says, sighing, “And I’ve gotten called into work for a case that Chin is having trouble handling himself. The divorce is suddenly taking a turn for the nasty, and he’d like my opinion. Of course it would fall today, when Rachel has decided to once again disappoint Grace and -“ he breaks off, blowing out another sigh, resisting the urge to punch the wall in front of him. He slaps his palm against it, though, and it makes a loud noise that echoes through the hall.
“Give me two minutes,” Steve says firmly, and he disconnects.
The big lug doesn’t even have the manners to hang up.
He strides through the door exactly two minutes later to absolute chaos, a frantic looking Danny trying to soothe Grace, who is shouting and screaming into his cell phone at someone, tears streaming down her face, while he tries to tell her to calm down and simultaneously zip his pants. His shirt still isn’t tucked in, and the buttons are done up unevenly. His hair is standing in every direction. Steve would find this look very amusing if he wasn’t sure this household was headed for apocalyptic proportions in the next five minutes.
“I hate you!” Grace is screaming into the phone, tears and snot dripping from her face, “You promised you’d come and you lied! Danno never lies. I hate you! I never want to see you again, just stay where you are!” she screams and she throws the phone on the couch and runs up the stairs.
“Grace!” Danny calls after her, but his voice is broken, and he sighs, brushing his hands through his hair. Steve leans against the entryway to the living room, arms crossed.
“What’s going on?” he asks softly. Danny jumps, hadn’t noticed he’d arrived, and turns to face him.
“Rachel,” he says in an even tone, filled with disgust, “as you know, promised Grace months ago that she would fly out to see her during her Spring Break. Apparently a ‘Very Important Business Meeting’ that will take ‘several weeks’ has come about, and now she can’t,” Danny says, and his blue eyes fill with hurt for his daughter. “She, of course, left it to me to tell our daughter that she wouldn’t be making it, which severely disappointed Grace. Then she called, just a few moments ago, as you can see. This only angered Grace.” Danny shrugs, “You can’t really blame her. How many times has she been let down by her now? How many times have we been let down by her now?”
“I’m sorry,” Steve murmurs.
“Don’t be,” Danny says, finally getting a chance to fix the buttons on his shirt and tuck it in. He scoops his tie up from its place on the coffee table and swings it around his neck. “Can you just watch her? Kono can’t today, she’s gone surfing - it’s Saturday, you know? And maybe talk to her? I wish - I wish I could,” he swallows, eyes darting towards the steps, where Grace disappeared just moments ago. “But I’ll be back as soon as I can. I’ll bring pizza for us.”
“Danny,” Steve says, stepping forward and placing a hand on his shoulder. Danny leans into the touch for a moment. “Don’t worry about us, okay? I coax Grace out of her room, I’ll make sure I cheer her up, make sure she forgets about this, okay? And then we’ll eat pizza and watch movies and you can tell me how stupid I am for only eating one slice, am I crazy or something, and all that jazz?” Steve gives him a teasing grin, and Danny breathes out a deep sigh.
“Okay,” he says, “Okay.” He heads towards the door.
“Hey, Danny,” Steve calls, voice catching in his throat, because he feels like he has something important he wants to say, but he can’t figure out what it is just in that moment.
Danny stops, turns around. “Yeah?” he asks, eyes flashing.
Steve swallows, “Fix your hair.”
--
Steve knocks on Grace’s door and waits for a cautious minute before opening it. Grace is curled up on her bed, arms wrapped around a stuffed animal, staring out the window towards the ocean. Steve doesn’t blame her; he knows it’s her favorite place to be, knows that when she’s not in school, at softball practice, or spending time with Danny, she wants to be down in the sand, the water brushing at her toes. It’s Steve’s favorite place to be, and nine times out of ten these days, if Grace is down there, so is Steve.
He walks into the room, but Grace doesn’t turn around, just keeps sniffling and staring out at the waves. The window is cracked open so you can hear them crashing against the shore, the sound soothing to Steve’s - and probably Grace’s - ears. “Hey, Gracie,” he says softly, taking a seat in the rocking chair in the corner of her room. Grace doesn’t say anything. “Danno told me what happened. I-” Steve breaks off for a moment, because he’s not entirely sure what to say here, or how, exactly, to approach Grace. Finally he says, “You know, my dad let me down a lot, too, Gracie.” He leans forwards, clasping his hands together and resting his arms on his knees, watching her carefully for any reaction.
“He used to make promises a lot, but then he’d get called into work, and he couldn’t,” Steve shrugs, “And then he sent me away, and he kept promising to come visit, and he never did. The thing is, Gracie, it - it sucks,” Grace rolls over at this, her cheeks tearstained.
“Danno says you’re not allowed to say that word.”
“We won’t tell him,” Steve winks, and Grace gives him a tiny smile, so Steve feels it’s best to continue. “But it does, suck - it does. And I don’t know if your mom will keep letting you down, Grace - I hope she won’t. You don’t deserve that. But you have to focus on the good things, because that’s what I did, okay?”
“The good things?” Grace asks, looking at him curiously.
Steve nods, “Yeah. Like, you have you dad here, and he never misses a softball game, a school play or meeting, or anything. You have Kono, who gives you surfing lessons, you have Chin, who plays video games with you,” Steve lists.
“I have you, who does everything with me - anything I ask!” Grace says, sitting up a little, her eyes drying, and Steve smiles.
“Of course you have me,” Steve replies, “Grace you have a whole family down here. Your mom will always be there, and she’ll always make mistakes - that’s what parents do. That’s what kids do, too. I think they just trade off. But you’re too young to understand that, so you’ll probably be mad at her a lot. You’ll probably be mad at Danno a couple times, too. But… you can always come and talk to me, I promise.”
“Really,” Grace says, sitting the whole way up now, clutching her sock monkey tight. “Really and truly, you promise you’ll always be there for me to talk to, Steve?” She demands, and there’s a glint in her eyes that Steve isn’t quite sure he understands.
Steve swallows hard, reaches out and wraps her in his arms tight, “Really and truly, Grace,” he whispers into her hair before kissing her on the top of her head once.
And he feels like he’s at home for the first time in a long time.
--
Grace and Steve are watching a movie when Danny bursts through the door, pizza and beers in hand. It’s late, nearing ten o’clock, but it is spring break, Danny reminds himself, so Grace is allowed to be up late, especially if he hasn’t seen her nearly all day and she was upset earlier. He stops short when he sees how they’re arranged on the couch. He’s seen the sight before, sort of. Only, he’s lived it, instead. Grace is curled up into Steve’s side, and Steve’s arm is slung over so that it’s wrapped protectively around her, while she keeps her eyes glued to the screen, and Steve - Danny swallows - Steve only occasionally glances at the screen, the rest of the time keeping his eyes on Grace, in almost what seems like amazement. Like he can’t really believe that she likes him that much.
“Hey,” Danny says softly, but he’s having trouble breathing, doesn’t really want to disturb this sudden image, and there’s these feelings in his chest. He can’t shake them off.
Steve looks up, and Grace peeks through Steve’s arm, “Hey, Danno,” they say at the exact same time, and Danny grips the beer in his hand tighter. Feelings.
“Is that pizza?” Grace asks curiously, sitting up straighter to get a better look.
“Grace, you already ate,” Steve chides, looking mortified at the fact that she could possibly be hungry.
“Salad,” Grace says, shooting him a look that’s almost annoyed, and Steve has the good grace to look sheepish.
“You fed my daughter salad and that’s it?” Danny asks, arching an eyebrow, “She’s a growing kid, Steven. Give her some chicken, too, at least.” But he throws him a smile, too. “Come on, into the kitchen, children, eat some pizza, okay?” he says, gesturing towards the kitchen, and Grace jumps off the couch. She holds out her hand to help Steve up, and they follow Danny to the kitchen.
“Beer?” Danny offers Steve, and Steve nods, taking it from him. Grace dives into her pizza after Danny sets a plate down for her, and they stand watching her silently for a moment. Finally they turn to face the window and Danny asks quietly, “Was she -“
“She was good, Danny, we got it all sorted,” Steve says softly, comfortingly, and reaches a hand out and touches it to Danny’s shoulder. The warmth of his skin spreads through Danny, and Danny sighs, relaxing a little. Steve hesitates for a minute before he says, “Her mother - Rachel - she’s never going to change, Danny. You - you can’t keep hoping for her to, because. Because it just won’t happen. She’ll always love her job, and you guys - you’ll come second place. But what counts is that you’re there. You love her more than anything. God, I swear, I’ve never seen a dad like you before, in all my years working with… hundreds of fathers. You deserve a medal, or something.”
Danny closes his eyes, tries to blink back emotional tears at the sudden onset of Steve’s speech. Because Steve is never on for words, and here he is, saying all these things.
“I just… wanted you to know,” Steve says, seemingly struggling to find the right thing to say, “That. I’m here for you both, okay?”
And his hand is still on Danny’s shoulder, and they’re still facing the window, and Danny’s eyes are still closed, and the world seems to be tilted, because Danny’s pretty confused with everything he’s feeling. All he knows is that he wants. Wants Steve. Wants a family. Wants Grace to be happy and the world to seem right.
Right now, though, he keeps his eyes closed, nods once, long and slow, and lets Steve keep his hand on his shoulder, comforting and warm.
--
“Dannnnooooooo!”
“Oh Jesus fuck,” Danny mumbles under his breath, gripping his pen for patience. He keeps writing and studiously ignores the voice. The door bursts open and Danny closes his eyes, rubs two fingers against his temps and sighs deeply.
“Danno,” Steve says again as he steps into the office, hands on his hips.
“Steven,” Danny says tightly, glancing up, “How can I help you on this fine day?”
“You haven’t answered your phone for the last three days!” Steve says, eyes looking wild and crazy. “Every time I call, I’m put through to voice mail. It’s enough to make a guy worry, okay? I thought you were -“ He breaks off, swallowing, and shrugs. Danny looks up; narrowing his eyes a little, and drops his pen down onto the desk.
“You thought I was what?” he asks softly.
“Nothing,” Steve says, shrugging again, “It’s clear you’re just busy and I overreacted. I just wanted to see if I could take Grace out surfing today, instead of Kono. But if not it’s - not a big deal,” Steve trails off, and it’s obvious to anyone with two ears and eyeballs that it is a big deal, that he’s been a little lost and worried in these last three days.
Danny isn’t sure how to apologize, because the truth is, he’s been sending all of Steve’s calls to voicemail, and ignoring all of his texts. He’s needed space, needed room to breathe without being overwhelmed by Steve’s presence for a few seconds. The sad part is, Grace has been begging to see him, wondering where he’s been and when they’ll see him again, and Danny just keeps putting her off, telling her that Steve is the one who’s been busy. Danny sighs again. “Sorry I haven’t called,” he tells Steve, offering him a small smile, “It’s been a little hectic. Grace is at home with Kono though - spring break, you know? If you want to swing by and take her out surfing or do your fish-thing.”
“Fish-thing?” Steve wrinkles his nose, looking confused.
“You know, live out in the ocean all day or whatever.”
Steve rolls his eyes. “What about after?” he demands.
“What about after?” Danny responds, confused himself now, looking up from his paperwork again to meet Steve’s eyes. They’re hazel today, standing out against his shirt perfectly.
“Well, do you want to get dinner?”
“What - I don’t know how late I’ll be at the office tonight,” Danny tries, glancing down at his desk, which actually holds very little paperwork. Steve stares at him for a long minute and the blows out a sigh.
“Okay, Danny,” he says quietly, backing out of the office, “Sure. Maybe next time.”
“Sure,” Danny says, and watches him disappear into the elevator.
Not even a minute later, Chin appears in the doorway into his office. “Steve was here?” he asks, flopping down onto Danny’s couch.
“Yeah,” Danny shrugs, picking up another item of paper and starting to fill it out. Chin watches him for a long moment before speaking again.
“You didn’t pack everything up and go with him?”
“He wanted to spend time with Grace,” Danny replies distractedly, almost uncomfortably.
“You don’t think he wanted to spend time with you, too, Danny?” Chin says, eyeing him now.
“No - I don’t know,” Danny sighs, scrubbing at his eyes. “He asked if we wanted to go to dinner with him,” he says.
“Because he doesn’t just want to spend time with Grace, Danny,” Chin says, “I knew Steve, before. When he’d come home on leave - which was hardly ever - he was an empty shell of a human being. He wasn’t anything like he is now. He didn’t talk about his feelings, he didn’t beg to hang out with anybody. He found a bar, and he slummed in it until closing time. There were a couple times his old man had to go pull him out of it, then they’d get into a huge fight and Steve would disappear for a couple more years. Wouldn’t see or hear from him again. When Steve’s dad died, they still hadn’t resolved anything. You’ve turned him around, Danny. You and Grace. Grace started it, but you finished it. You telling me you don’t feel the same way brah?”
Danny stares out his office window into the city of Honolulu for a long moment, quiet. He knows Chin will sit there and wait, possibly for hours, for Danny to respond, and Danny just needs a moment to breathe, to think, about what’s going on in his head, in his life. Finally he says, “I thought I had a family. With Rachel. And do you know what happened, Chin? She decided she loved her job more than me - which I could deal with. But then she decided she loved her job more than her kid. I can’t forget what Steve’s job is. I can’t forget how we met in the first place, that he could be snatched up and taken away from me for forever.
“So maybe I do like Steve - possibly I could be falling in love with him - because when he’s here, we’re a great little family unit. But what about when he’s not?”
Chin doesn’t have an answer for that.
--
Steve is coming in from his morning shower when the phone rings. His CO is on the other end of the phone. “I sure hope you’ve had enough time away,” he says into the phone, and Steve gets a sinking feeling in his stomach, because. No.
He hasn’t.
“Yes, sir,” he says dutifully, spine stiffening out of reflex.
“We’ve got a shitstorm brewing over here,” he continues. “You’ve got twenty four hours, be at Pearl to take off with a team I’ve been working to put together. They’ll brief you there. See you soon McGarrett. Don’t let me down.”
“Of course not, sir.”
Steve hangs the phone up and stares at sitting in his hand until it goes off again, this time with Danny’s name flashing across the screen. He lets it ring for another three seconds before he answers it slowly. “Jeez, what took you so long?” Danny asks him when he picks up. “Grace is begging to go to the zoo today, and she insists that you come. It’s a Saturday and I always promise the weekends are hers to do as she pleases - within the realm of reality, of course,” he hastens to add, as if to warn Steve not to go off buying her any ponies, or anything.
“The zoo,” Steve says, head clouded with a million different thoughts.
“Yes, that’s what I said,” Danny says, and Steve can tell he’s frowning.
“Okay,” Steve says, “I can go to the zoo.”
There’s silence for a second before Danny’s voice crackles over the line again, “Steve, are you okay? You sound spaced out. Like, freaked out.”
“I’m fine, Danny,” he says quickly. “I have to shower if you want to go to the zoo. What time do you want to meet?”
“Twenty minutes okay?” Danny asks.
“That’s fine,” Steve says, and hangs up.
He showers quickly and then meets Danny outside in the driveway, where Grace is bouncing next to him excitedly. Steve represses the sinking feeling in his stomach and pushes a grin forward instead. “Hey Gracie, Danno,” he says, wrapping his arms around Grace as she rushes forward, hugging him tight.
“Uncle Steve,” she beams up at him, “We’re going to the zoo today. Danno promised weeks ago, and he’s finally taking me! I’m so excited! I want to see the monkeys, because Danno says they’ll act just like me.”
“You think?” Steve teases, “I bet they’re even crazier,” he taps her once on the nose, and meets Danny’s eyes. Danny is frowning, looking curiously at him, but Steve just shrugs, smiling at him instead. They pile into Danny’s car, and, with Steve driving, Danny leans over.
“Are you okay?” he asks, and Steve’s hands reflexively tighten on the wheel.
“Fine,” he murmurs, “I just - can we do dinner tonight, all of us? I have something to tell you?” And he avoids glancing over at Danny, because he just knows that Danny knows, knows that deep inside, Danny will figure it out, and he doesn’t want to see the look of disappointment on his face. Danny stays quiet for a moment before he responds.
“Yeah,” he says, “Yeah, Gracie, how does that sound? Dinner with Uncle Steve?”
“Yeah!” she cheers, and Steve relaxes just a little.
--
“So,” Danny says, leaning back in his seat and crossing his legs, observing Steve over a glass of soda. He’s tense, he knows something is up, he just doesn’t know what for sure. They’ve spent the entire day running around the zoo looking at animals and Grace sits in Steve’s lap, sound asleep, exhausted after the long day. Steve has been picking at his food for the last twenty minutes and Danny just knows he’s about to tell him something he doesn’t want to hear.
“Danny,” Steve clears his throat, “Danny, I have to go away again,” he says, and then he closes his eyes as if he can avoid the oncoming storm of rage that’s about to hit the table, courtesy of Danny himself. Danny can feel it curling around the edges of his stomach, spiraling up towards his throat, just waiting to pour out between them in vicious, vicious words. He blinks once, twice, and he’s sure he sees red.
“You - what?” he says, swallowing tightly, trying to breathe.
“My CO called me today, he’s calling me back. This was only a break, Danny, it was never - I was never meant to stay for good. I’m sorry. I have to go back and finish out my tour.”
“Your tour isn’t finished? Chin told me you’d been gone for years!”
“I have but - this is…” Steve trails off, “My CO sent me home on a break because I haven’t been on one in a long time. He’s calling me back because he has an important mission that he needs me for. I - I think I’m done after this one, though, Danny, I swear - Danny, what are you doing, Danny!” he questions as Danny stands up, throwing cash down on the table and picking Grace up from Steve’s lap. She wakes up with a start, looking around curiously. “Danny, don’t do this,” Steve pleads lowly.
“Don’t tell me what to do, Steven,” Danny shoots back, going for the car.
“Danno, what’s going on?” Grace mumbles sleepily, and Danny kisses her forehead, brushes her hair back as he keeps walking. Steve follows him, trying to fix this.
“Danny, please, I’m trying to explain -“
“Explain what, Steve? There’s nothing to explain! You promised my daughter you’d be there for her, and now you’re not going to be. And I thought -“ Danny breaks off, looking away, blinking back tears he thought he could prevent. “I thought maybe we had something, okay? But clearly I was wrong, because it’s obvious this means more to you than we do.”
“Danny it’s not something I can get out of!” Steve protests.
“Did you even try?” Danny asks, spinning around from buckling Grace into the car, “Did you ask if your contract was up? Did you tell him you needed more time? Did you consider transferring to the Reserves or - or getting out of there? I don’t know, Steve, I don’t know, maybe this life is all you know, and that’s okay. But I thought maybe if Grace and I showed you family again - I thought maybe if Grace showed you family again, you’d take that into consideration. I mean I know I’ve pulled back lately, but it’s only because I’ve cared a little too much. But I’ve never kept Grace from you. So did you even try?”
Steve blinks, shocked.
Danny laughs hollowly, “Fuck you, Steve. Call a cab.” And he peels out of the parking lot, leaving Steve with nothing but a glimpse of his taillights.
Steve calls him three times just while Danny’s driving, but Danny ignores them, driving down the highway steadily, keeping his eyes on the road and trying not to think about Steve away in some desert or jungle, possibly getting shot at and killed. He’s been pushing his feelings back for so long, and now they’ve been laid out on the table, and not in any way he wanted them to be. He feels shitty, both for admitting his feelings right before Steve has to leave, and for leaving Steve like he did.
The phone rings again, and a picture of Steve and Grace pops up on the screen, telling Danny who it is yet once more. Danny jabs at the ignore button as he pulls into the driveway, cutting the engine. “Danno?” Grace yawns, “Whattsa matter?”
Danny stares up at the house, and then glances over at Steve’s house, both of them dark, and it hits him.
He has to tell Grace.
He doesn’t want to tell her.
“Come on, Monkey,” he says, swallowing back tears, “Let’s get you inside, okay?”
“Where’s Uncle Steve?” she asks, unbuckling her seatbelt and climbing out of the car, taking his hand as they walk towards the door. Danny unlocks the front door and enters the alarm code before he answers her.
“Monkey - Grace - we have to talk, baby,” he says, sitting down on the couch, and Grace stares at him for a long moment, wide, fearful eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
“Uncle Steve… has to go away, Grace,” Danny says, watching her carefully, and she watches him back for a long moment, unsure of what to say.
“What do you mean?” she finally asks, her voice trembling, “Doesn’t Uncle Steve like us anymore? Why does he have to go away too? He promised, Danno, he promised!”
“No - Grace - no,” Danny shakes his head quickly, “Uncle Steve loves you, and if he had any say in it, he wouldn’t be going anywhere, I know that for sure, okay? I promise you. He just - the Navy is making him do this, or he wouldn’t, okay, I promise. He loves you, Grace, he loves you.”
“Then why is he leaving?” she shouts, stomping her foot and Danny knows he’s in for a totally un-Grace-like fit, but he doesn’t blame her, “Everyone leaves, Danno! Mom left, and now Uncle Steve’s leaving, and they all break their promises! It’s not fair!”
“Grace, I’m sorry,” he says, exhausted already, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say. I’m sorry.”
She shakes her head and runs out the front door before Danny can stop her, even though he’s already jumping up, following her down the front porch steps and across their lawn onto Steve’s, up Steve’s porch, where Grace starts pounding on his door. Steve has already opened the door though, and is rushing out to meet her, where she starts pounding on his chest, “You lied!” She yells, “You lied! You told me you would be here, and you lied! You’re leaving just like mommy left me and Danno! You lied and I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!”
“Grace,” Steve says, his voice breaking, and Danny scrubs at his face, tugs at his hair in the middle of the lawn, tears dripping down his face as he watches the two of them, trying to figure out what to do. “Grace I -“
“No!” She screams, shrill and bright in the middle of the evening air, shattering any peace there was in the neighborhood, “No, no, no! I hate you! You lied! You’re just like mommy! You don’t love me or Danno!” She pushes against Steve’s just once more before she sinks into his hug for moment, sobbing. Then she pulls away, running back down the steps and wrapping her arms around Danny’s legs, crying even harder than Danny thinks he’s ever seen her cry.
He can’t even believe the turn of events through this day. He went from spending the day at the zoo with his daughter and the guy he thought he might love, to his daughter sobbing in the middle of his lawn, because she thinks everyone might leave her. Steve is sitting on the floor of his front porch, watching them both with broken eyes, and Danny just can’t believe his day.
“Take me home, Danno!” Grace cries, reaching her arms up to be held, “Take me home!”
He just can’t believe it.
--
There’s a knock on the door before the sun is even up. Danny is sitting in the living room, a bottle of Johnny Walker sitting on the coffee table, a glass sitting next to it, and he’s staring at the blank television screen. He doesn’t get up to answer it, and Steve keeps knocking for a while before he gives up. Finally, the knocking goes away and there’s the sound of a car pulling away.
For who knows how long, Danny thinks, Steve has disappeared from their lives.
He barreled into it, sweet and sure, and now he’s gone, and Danny didn’t even get to experience the one thing he wanted more than anything.
Being with him.
Danny gives up staring at the television and goes into Grace’s room, where she’s tossing and turning in a restless sleep.
--
“Danno?” Grace comes into the kitchen later in the morning. They’ve both slept until late morning, and now they’re spending their time wallowing in their own sadness. She’s holding a white envelope and she’s looking down at it curiously. “This was under the door.”
Danny jumps up from the table and comes over, taking it from her. He stares down at the neat handwriting, Danno, printed across the center of the envelope, and he knows exactly who it’s from. “Thanks,” he mumbles, sliding his finger under the fold and tearing it open.
It’s not long, just two sentences sprawled across the middle of the page, as the Steve couldn’t think of what to say (he was never good with words anyways), and he just wrote down the first things that came to him.
You weren’t wrong.
I’m coming back to you and Grace.
And that’s it. Danny isn’t sure what to make of it for right now, so he folds it back up and kisses the top of Grace’s head. “Danno loves you,” he says, and she hugs him.
“Love you too,” she mumbles.
--
Weeks pass and Grace comes downstairs one night with a notebook and pen in her hand. “I’m ready to forgive Uncle Steve,” she announces to Danny, and Danny turns around from where he’s been making chicken salad. He arches an eyebrow at her, a gesture for her to continue, and she sets her pen and notebook on the table. “I thought about it, Danno, and he couldn’t help being sent away. And he needs all the support he can get. I want him to come home to us, Daddy.”
“I -“ Danny breaks off.
“I love him, Daddy. I know you do too,” Grace says softly, watching him for a reaction. “He’s the best part of this family, and I know you miss him. I miss him. I want to write to him again, like last time. Only this time he’ll know who it’s from. Please, can I?”
“I’d never stop you,” Danny says quietly, watching as she beams at him and sits down at the table, starting on her letter.
--
Three months go by, and Grace writes one every day for him, Danny sitting nearby as she does. Sometimes she’ll get responses, and sometimes she won’t. She never talks about what she writes, and Danny never really asks, until one day, he does. “What do you talk about with Steve?” he asks her, driving her to her friend Aletta’s house for the evening.
“Everything,” Grace says, looking over at him, shrugging. “You can read them if you want, Danno.” They pull up to the house and she kisses Danny’s cheek, “They’re on my desk. Love you.”
“Love you too, baby.”
When he gets home, he wanders through the strangely silent house for a while before he makes his way up to his daughter’s room, and stares at the pile of letters sitting on the corner of her desk, tied neatly together with green ribbon. He fingers the smooth ribbon for a moment before he unties it, the fabric falling to the desk, and then picks up the letter sitting on top.
Gracie,
It’s great the you’re learning more and more about surfing; I’m so proud of you. The best part is that Kono teaches you about Hawaiian culture when you’re out on the waves. I think it’s amazing that she takes the time to tell you those stories.
I’m so proud of you for all the hard work you’ve put into school and sports and surfing, and I can’t wait to be back so you can show it to me. I miss you so much.
Don’t worry about me so much, okay? I’ll make you a deal: I’ll stop worrying about you and Danno so much if you stop worrying about me so much.
Make sure you tell me about the latest chapter of Harry Potter; I can’t wait to hear more about it baby.
I love you,
Steve.
Danny puts the letter down gently, and sinks down onto Grace’s bed, staring at the pile of letters. He can’t believe he’s stayed angry at Steve this long for something that wasn’t even in his power to control. He wants to take back every hurtful word he said that night, wants to go back in time and take it all back, pull Steve into his arms and kiss him senseless.
Since he can’t, he does the next best thing. He steals a piece of his daughter’s stationary, and one of her pens, sits at her desk, and starts writing.
Steve,
I’m writing because this is how it all started. It started right here, in Grace’s room, with her stationary, with her letters.
With you.
At first we didn’t know who you were, and we didn’t think we’d ever know who you were. And then you came crashing over us like a tidal wave, big and strong, so great. And I couldn’t say no to you getting to know my baby girl, because you had these great, sad eyes and this air about you that said you always wanted to do the right thing. And then it turned into something more.
You fell for us, as a family, and it took longer for me to realize that maybe I fell for you, too. That I wanted the whole package deal. By the time I did, I kept pushing you away because I thought you were only there for Grace, but I know that’s not the truth. I know you’re there for the both of us.
I know you love us both, and the truth is?
I love you, too.
I love you even now, when you’re gone, and I never stop thinking about you. Every day passes and you’re my first thought when I wake up in the morning, and my last thought before I fall asleep. I know that’s true for Grace, too, because she thinks of you as another father figure.
Steve, you’re it.
You’re everything.
I wasn’t wrong - we do have something. But I was wrong to throw it all away.
So come home, Sailor.
I’ll be waiting.
Danny.
--
“Danno, Danno! When’s he gonna be here?” Grace bounces up and down, holding his hand, peering through the crowd of people to look for Steve.
“Soon, I promise,” Danny says, also searching for him.
“I hope so,” Grace’s eyes cloud over with worry momentarily before she shrugs it off, and then she smiles again.
“Danny, Grace!” they hear, and turn around. Steve comes running towards them, and Grace jumps up and down again, once more excited, before she’s being swept up into Steve’s arms, covered in hugs and kisses.
“I missed you!” she shrieks, hugging and kissing him back, “I missed you so much!”
“I missed you too,” Steve beams at her. Danny shields his eyes from the sunlight and smiles up at them. Steve looks down at him.
“Hey,” Danny says softly.
“Hey,” Steve says just as softly.
Danny opens his mouth to say something else, but before he can, he’s being wrapped in Steve’s arms, being kissed by Steve; the best kiss he’s ever had, he thinks, kissing Steve back, and Grace is laughing on Steve’s other side, hugging them both as Danny pulls away.
“I love you,” Steve tells him, eyes drilling into him, honest and true.
“I - I love you too,” Danny says, still dazed. “Yes, yeah, of course,” Danny says. Steve just beams.
“Let’s go home.”
When they’re in the car, Steve takes his hand, smiling over at him. “Think about it,” he says softly, “Where would we be if Grace hadn’t gotten us here?”
“Nowhere,” Danny says, not even hesitating, “Absolutely nowhere, babe.”