Changes.
Once again these last few weeks have been extremely busy. I've been doing exams like crazy (just finished my terminology exam which wasn't as easy as I thought; I hope I'll pass because I won't have the time to retake it).
I still have three essays (two poetry analyses and one essay about Amos Tutuola's novel) and one short story to write as well as read two dull books, but after that I won't have to worry about homework any longer. I haven't been able to concentrate on these tasks fully but I hope I'll get them done even if it means rushing through them and handing them over to the teachers in an unpolished state.
My first essay will deal with the depiction of love through time and nature in poems by Shakespeare, Donne and Rilke. I'm still trying to figure out what authors I'll discuss in my second poetry essay. The novel essay will discuss the use of time and space in Tutuola's work, and the creative writing bit will involve a character waking up in the morning and becoming aware that he is in fact fictional. It sounds crazy, but it will hopefully make some sense once I finish writing it.
Having so much homework to do irks me because I feel very creative and I'd like to actually write stuff in Finnish. However, I know I can't do that because I need to have my priorities, but it's still annoying. I wish I could multitask but I know I'll have to concentrate on one thing at a time, and sadly homework is where my focus is at. It's not that I hate poetry analysis per se, but it's just the amount of work it requires when my mind is elsewhere. I've always had this problem in the spring, so I assume my thoughts will settle down soon enough...at least I hope so.
My impatience with my homework has also been reflected at tGA lately with less than pleasant results. I was erroneously assuming that people were done with a recent battle in the story (people had finished fighting against their opponents, others asked if the story could move forward already etc.) so I ended up finishing it...but it turns out I did it too quickly. I really should've consulted with people (particularly Nic) more before doing that but as I didn't hear any objections (at the time I wasn't aware that people were quite busy with other things and thus couldn't answer my queries instead of okaying or objecting), I went with my gut feeling and did what I felt was best for the flow of the story by ending the chapter and beginning a new one. I just hope my screw-up hasn't caused too much trouble for anyone, but I still feel awful about upsetting people. The story should be in a good enough spot to continue, though, so we'll see what happens next.
It looks like my brother isn't doing well. His girlfriend has been sinking deeper into schizophrenia (or something related to that, anyway) and has turned more and more horrible, and bro has to be on the receiving end of her rage. He cares about her but despite his efforts to take her to different doctors and such, she refuses to take medicine and looks at doctors with ever-growing paranoia. I personally feel that she's losing it completely, and it feels awful that I can't do anything. I have to applaud bro for putting up with her horrible mood swings, but it's turning him into a wreck as a result. I can't blame him, really, because she would've driven me nuts already if I had to take care of her.
She's already ordered bro to get rid of his piano, books and various other things from their apartment. Bro will probably take his possessions here and perhaps move in with me if things turn for the worse. It's certainly not a bad thing but I'm worried if bro will start drinking again...something which I haven't tolerated that much (I don't mind when he gets silly but I hate it when he gets obnoxious when he gets past the silly stage in drunkness). I'm already busy with things as it is so babysitting bro is the last thing I want to do right now. I also wonder if he can be persuaded to just let his girlfriend live on her own and find a new girlfriend. Her manipulations aren't good for him and even if he thinks he can save her, I feel he'll only cause more harm to himself. And if he starts drinking once more to ease his pain...I'd rather not want to see it come to that. =(
It also looks like mom and dad are getting a divorce. I've been expecting this day to come for quite some time, and I think it's best for everyone if they go along with it. I've witnessed too many drunken arguments and such to realize that nothing else can be done to solve the problem. Verbal assaults are already terrifying enough to hear, and I'm surprised they've been together this long if they've had so many issues to deal with in the first place. I feel relieved if they actually go through with the divorce instead of thinking of some crappy excuse to stay together. I'm sure they'll both feel better if they live in different apartments and thus don't have to argue. Politics and such can be quite taxing on one's mind, and the last thing they need right now is arguments at home. They need to recharge their batteries, so to speak, and think things through.
It's sad that they refuse to see things from each other's perspectives, though. Both claim the other is the wrongdoer even though I see it more as both of them being at fault. One thing that is clear is that if I end up living with someone, I'll make sure not to let it escalate into this. I believe that problems can be solved with communication, and sadly mom and dad are from the generation where parents don't share their deepest feeling except when they're drunk. I know both of them have valid reasons for feeling how they feel but it's so fucked up nevertheless. In any case I hope things turn out for the better; mom already has an apartment (a nice one, if I may say so) where she can stay at so once they've signed the papers and decided how to divide their possessions, all should be well. Bro has already talked to them about it, and I'm sure my sisters will offer their advice as well once they contact them. Although I'm glad that this is happening now and they can stop arguing, it's also bad because I'm so busy with the university that I really can't afford to have distractions on this scale right now. I just have to keep moving on and get these darn essays done.
I'm also worried about my uncle Väinö. He's had a hard time breathing lately, and it looks like it's connected to the work he used to do with stones when he was younger. It's awful to see how a once healthy man deteriorates slowly but surely as his lungs get in a worse shape. It also makes me wonder what my aunt is going to do because she can't do the chores at home all by herself. Will my cousin take her in, or will they find another solution? I really wouldn't want to think about these things, but it's uncanny how lots of sad stuff is taking place all around me lately...basically starting from our dog Sulo's death last summer. I suppose I'll just have to hope for the best and carry on. I've faced worse hardships than this so I should persevere.
My Norton license expired, so I decided to switch to free antivir and firewall programs. I ended up installing a combination of Avast and Online Armor because those two had fared the best in recent surveys. So far so good. Avast is doing a fine job, and I really like Online Armor's customization options and that it actually lets you see every program/code/whatever that tried to enter the net or access the computer from the net. It does require some tinkering and clicking to get all the necessary programs to run in the first tryout (Opera, Open Office, mIRC, Winamp etc.) but it's worth it because now I know exactly which program is accessing the net at any time. It's very easy to change the rules template too so if I want to start blocking a program, I can do it with just two clicks. I see these two programs as a good intermediate level for someone who knows something about computers but isn't an expert.
One thing to note: the survey about the best antivir programs surprised me when it mentioned that AVG wasn't among the best antivirs. The last time I had used AVG had been around 2006 or so, but is it possible that it had never been that good to begin with? It always worked well for me and I never had any problems, but lots of people seemed to complain about it. Perhaps I was just ignorant, but that's nothing new in my life. Still, it's a surprising piece of news to hear that the antivir program which I had preferred had in fact not been as good as I'd assumed. It's kind of frightening, really. So far Avast has been ok and allows as much customization, but I haven't really seen that many improvements in it. Perhaps the improvements are the non-seen ones (as in, that background work of keeping viruses away) so I shouldn't be overanalyzing it.
I had the last rehearsals with the choir on Wednesday. The mood was quite somber for some reason; maybe people were eager to go enjoy the weather or something. In any case I ended up singing the baritone part of Gabriel Fauré's Requiem, and people applauded once I had finished even though my voice wasn't in the best shape. It was quite a surprise but a nice one, and the memory of that evening shall keep me comfortable in the following days when things get rough. Depending on a few things I may or may not actually sing in concert next autumn; it depends on logistics and stuff. We'll see what happens.
The weather was surprisingly warm last week. We had over 25 Celsius in Vaasa, and overall it's been the warmest May which Finland has ever had. Looks like we're living in historical times. The weather did get colder, but it's still nice to have at least some warm days of May every once in a while.
Yours,
Mikko
I still have three essays (two poetry analyses and one essay about Amos Tutuola's novel) and one short story to write as well as read two dull books, but after that I won't have to worry about homework any longer. I haven't been able to concentrate on these tasks fully but I hope I'll get them done even if it means rushing through them and handing them over to the teachers in an unpolished state.
My first essay will deal with the depiction of love through time and nature in poems by Shakespeare, Donne and Rilke. I'm still trying to figure out what authors I'll discuss in my second poetry essay. The novel essay will discuss the use of time and space in Tutuola's work, and the creative writing bit will involve a character waking up in the morning and becoming aware that he is in fact fictional. It sounds crazy, but it will hopefully make some sense once I finish writing it.
Having so much homework to do irks me because I feel very creative and I'd like to actually write stuff in Finnish. However, I know I can't do that because I need to have my priorities, but it's still annoying. I wish I could multitask but I know I'll have to concentrate on one thing at a time, and sadly homework is where my focus is at. It's not that I hate poetry analysis per se, but it's just the amount of work it requires when my mind is elsewhere. I've always had this problem in the spring, so I assume my thoughts will settle down soon enough...at least I hope so.
My impatience with my homework has also been reflected at tGA lately with less than pleasant results. I was erroneously assuming that people were done with a recent battle in the story (people had finished fighting against their opponents, others asked if the story could move forward already etc.) so I ended up finishing it...but it turns out I did it too quickly. I really should've consulted with people (particularly Nic) more before doing that but as I didn't hear any objections (at the time I wasn't aware that people were quite busy with other things and thus couldn't answer my queries instead of okaying or objecting), I went with my gut feeling and did what I felt was best for the flow of the story by ending the chapter and beginning a new one. I just hope my screw-up hasn't caused too much trouble for anyone, but I still feel awful about upsetting people. The story should be in a good enough spot to continue, though, so we'll see what happens next.
It looks like my brother isn't doing well. His girlfriend has been sinking deeper into schizophrenia (or something related to that, anyway) and has turned more and more horrible, and bro has to be on the receiving end of her rage. He cares about her but despite his efforts to take her to different doctors and such, she refuses to take medicine and looks at doctors with ever-growing paranoia. I personally feel that she's losing it completely, and it feels awful that I can't do anything. I have to applaud bro for putting up with her horrible mood swings, but it's turning him into a wreck as a result. I can't blame him, really, because she would've driven me nuts already if I had to take care of her.
She's already ordered bro to get rid of his piano, books and various other things from their apartment. Bro will probably take his possessions here and perhaps move in with me if things turn for the worse. It's certainly not a bad thing but I'm worried if bro will start drinking again...something which I haven't tolerated that much (I don't mind when he gets silly but I hate it when he gets obnoxious when he gets past the silly stage in drunkness). I'm already busy with things as it is so babysitting bro is the last thing I want to do right now. I also wonder if he can be persuaded to just let his girlfriend live on her own and find a new girlfriend. Her manipulations aren't good for him and even if he thinks he can save her, I feel he'll only cause more harm to himself. And if he starts drinking once more to ease his pain...I'd rather not want to see it come to that. =(
It also looks like mom and dad are getting a divorce. I've been expecting this day to come for quite some time, and I think it's best for everyone if they go along with it. I've witnessed too many drunken arguments and such to realize that nothing else can be done to solve the problem. Verbal assaults are already terrifying enough to hear, and I'm surprised they've been together this long if they've had so many issues to deal with in the first place. I feel relieved if they actually go through with the divorce instead of thinking of some crappy excuse to stay together. I'm sure they'll both feel better if they live in different apartments and thus don't have to argue. Politics and such can be quite taxing on one's mind, and the last thing they need right now is arguments at home. They need to recharge their batteries, so to speak, and think things through.
It's sad that they refuse to see things from each other's perspectives, though. Both claim the other is the wrongdoer even though I see it more as both of them being at fault. One thing that is clear is that if I end up living with someone, I'll make sure not to let it escalate into this. I believe that problems can be solved with communication, and sadly mom and dad are from the generation where parents don't share their deepest feeling except when they're drunk. I know both of them have valid reasons for feeling how they feel but it's so fucked up nevertheless. In any case I hope things turn out for the better; mom already has an apartment (a nice one, if I may say so) where she can stay at so once they've signed the papers and decided how to divide their possessions, all should be well. Bro has already talked to them about it, and I'm sure my sisters will offer their advice as well once they contact them. Although I'm glad that this is happening now and they can stop arguing, it's also bad because I'm so busy with the university that I really can't afford to have distractions on this scale right now. I just have to keep moving on and get these darn essays done.
I'm also worried about my uncle Väinö. He's had a hard time breathing lately, and it looks like it's connected to the work he used to do with stones when he was younger. It's awful to see how a once healthy man deteriorates slowly but surely as his lungs get in a worse shape. It also makes me wonder what my aunt is going to do because she can't do the chores at home all by herself. Will my cousin take her in, or will they find another solution? I really wouldn't want to think about these things, but it's uncanny how lots of sad stuff is taking place all around me lately...basically starting from our dog Sulo's death last summer. I suppose I'll just have to hope for the best and carry on. I've faced worse hardships than this so I should persevere.
My Norton license expired, so I decided to switch to free antivir and firewall programs. I ended up installing a combination of Avast and Online Armor because those two had fared the best in recent surveys. So far so good. Avast is doing a fine job, and I really like Online Armor's customization options and that it actually lets you see every program/code/whatever that tried to enter the net or access the computer from the net. It does require some tinkering and clicking to get all the necessary programs to run in the first tryout (Opera, Open Office, mIRC, Winamp etc.) but it's worth it because now I know exactly which program is accessing the net at any time. It's very easy to change the rules template too so if I want to start blocking a program, I can do it with just two clicks. I see these two programs as a good intermediate level for someone who knows something about computers but isn't an expert.
One thing to note: the survey about the best antivir programs surprised me when it mentioned that AVG wasn't among the best antivirs. The last time I had used AVG had been around 2006 or so, but is it possible that it had never been that good to begin with? It always worked well for me and I never had any problems, but lots of people seemed to complain about it. Perhaps I was just ignorant, but that's nothing new in my life. Still, it's a surprising piece of news to hear that the antivir program which I had preferred had in fact not been as good as I'd assumed. It's kind of frightening, really. So far Avast has been ok and allows as much customization, but I haven't really seen that many improvements in it. Perhaps the improvements are the non-seen ones (as in, that background work of keeping viruses away) so I shouldn't be overanalyzing it.
I had the last rehearsals with the choir on Wednesday. The mood was quite somber for some reason; maybe people were eager to go enjoy the weather or something. In any case I ended up singing the baritone part of Gabriel Fauré's Requiem, and people applauded once I had finished even though my voice wasn't in the best shape. It was quite a surprise but a nice one, and the memory of that evening shall keep me comfortable in the following days when things get rough. Depending on a few things I may or may not actually sing in concert next autumn; it depends on logistics and stuff. We'll see what happens.
The weather was surprisingly warm last week. We had over 25 Celsius in Vaasa, and overall it's been the warmest May which Finland has ever had. Looks like we're living in historical times. The weather did get colder, but it's still nice to have at least some warm days of May every once in a while.
Yours,
Mikko