High heels, high hopes.
As usual, I've been incredibly busy and/or lazy (pick one, and you won't be far off), and quite a few things have happened in the past few weeks.
I'm not exactly sure whether the site's been hacked or if some of the server upgrades have bonked the forums, but nevertheless tGA forums can't be accessed at the moment (they show only an error message). The same is true as far as the wiki goes (except if you access the wiki as a guest and not as a logged in member for some reason). This could be a problem with my login alone, though, because I've noticed that spambots can still register in the wiki and post without problems whereas I can't log in to erase their spam posts.
I've tried to look through old text files for the password to the ftp login name and password so that I could access the site via Filezilla or whatever, but I haven't found anything (why don't I have the login info anywhere, I wonder? I swear I've saved that somewhere years ago...) Still, even if I had the pw and login info, I doubt I could do much because I wouldn't know what to fix. The forums give specific errors, but that's pure Latin to me because I'm not tech savvy enough to decipher it (plus there might be other problems which the error messages simply aren't showing).
This is of course extremely frustrating. Just when the story was progressing well and we got an actual active core user base, THIS happens. I was already looking forward to getting the mage heroes reunited with the other heroes in Alent. I had also polished the Master post (where we finally find out the bastard's true identity in a rather shocking and bittersweet twist) and was getting ready to post it, but I can't do that until the forums work again (assuming any of us gets it working...). Still, this sucks big-time. At times like these I wish I had more tech know-how and had actually taken backup copies of the forums to my hard drive, but oh well. I hope something good happens and this gets fixed. I'm bursting with so many ideas I'd like to try out, and I wouldn't mind seeing where the Razoul x Rain romance goes...
Before the tGA site went bonkers, I was working on a family tree of the d'Zarnagons (a dynasty of characters I'd been RPing over the course of the RP's run). It was nice putting them all on the same page and see how generations have passed. Funnily enough every member shown in the pic below are still alive sans Delora, but they sure have a messed-up family now that I think about it. I'd like to point out that Delora, Skye, Varalia, and Unithien aren't part of the core family (the first three had kids with the actual d'Zarnagons whereas Unithien was born before Varalia met Kareth). I do think now that I should've made one of the newer generation kids a girl; too many guys on the list (but at least Uni is there fighting the good fight for girls, right?).
The infamous d'Zarnagon family tree:
I put pics of Refan and Kareth as demons because I thought those pics look cooler than their regular human pics (there's also a narrative related reason, though). Both pics are spoiler-riffic, Big K more so, but what the heck. I wouldn't mind exploring Kareth more in the RP if we ever get the forums back on their feet. I could imagine so many interesting scenes between him and Refan: would the brothers ever put aside their differenes? Would Kareth ever learn to atone for his dastardly actions? Where does Refan's path take him?
I'm glad I managed to make all characters share some of their parents' traits. For example, Ildor has his mother's eyes and ears but his father's nose, hair and face, and Gabriel has his father's eyes but his mother's eye colour. Even though this kind of doodling is somewhat meaningless, I've enjoyed editing the sprites and giving these characters faces. It's a good art exercise, and I enjoy fleshing out the characters more this way. Plus it's fun seeing how they're related to one another.
I do feel sorry for Varalia in retrospect, though. Poor elf had to suffer through two rapes, both of which resulted in kids. I guess I've been too mean to her, but I think her coming to terms with those violations is also part of her appeal, and the kids have given her life a purpose. She's a villain, but a sympathetic one in my view: I can relate to her self-doubting and her determination to carry on despite all the burden she's had to deal with in her life. I particularly liked the way how Nic got a hang of her character quickly during a certain battle scene in the RP. Now that I think of it, Varalia is probably my only truly earnest female character in the whole RP. Other girls focus on different aspects (even poor Uni), but Varalia has been fleshed out the most because she was my second RP character and has thus existed almost as long as Refan.
I didn't add Uni's father and Xerathas's mother to the family tree; although they are those characters' parents, they just don't belong to a d'Zarnagon family tree. I even hesitate putting Varalia and Uni there, but whether anyone likes it or not, those two have become permanently linked to the family in more ways than one might imagine.
I guess I have a knack for melodrama, but I enjoy writing over the top family meeting scenes like the one with Ronove, Refan and Omaroch in Vanna's dungeon. Perhaps that tactic is cheap, but it provides so many juicy opportunities for drama that as a storyteller I can't ignore such. I'd like to continue that complex relationship plot in the RP if there's ever a chance to do so: Ronove (who's not part of the d'Zarnagon clan but who's linked to it) has been an interesting "villain" to write after his betrayal of the heroes, and I'd like to explore his motivations a bit more. I don't know why, but demons are so much fun to write about. Is it the villainy or their machinations or complex family drama? I dunno, but I like it.
I also saw potential in a Refan x Skye x Ax triangle drama even though that would've been somewhat hard to write about without Nic being around. Part of Refan's appeal to me is that he's flawed and struggles between the love for the two women of his life: his wife Skye and his comrade Ax. With his demonic side taking over, nothing's stopping him from acting out what his heart desires, but where will that path lead him? Can he choose between the two women, or will his actions ultimately result in a tragic downfall? See, I just can't resist the melodrama inherent in that possible plot. I enjoyed the way the romantic tension has been RPed, and with Refan's turn to the dark side I finally had free reins to push him to the more dramatic and perhaps tragic direction of a hunter who becomes like those he has hunted.
As for Omaroch, I never expected him to play a big part in the story, but he grew into a fleshed out, tortured character as the story progressed. His love for his sons and the hurt he feels because of their betrayal (no matter how "just" those betrayals actually were due to certain understandable and bittersweet events) is something I enjoy writing about. I don't know why writing about tortured characters is interesting: could it be that it allows me to eamine the full range of human emotions, show these flawed characters that they need to accept things and learn to forgive to move on in their lives?
It's somewhat sad how messed up the family dynamic in the d'Zarnagon clan is, though. Malakhia and Omaroch have a brutal history, being enemies because they're on opposite sides. Ditto with Nhrakate who's antagonistic to both her husband AND her son: talk about harsh! Omaroch also had a sadly antagonistic relationship with his sons, even though he's trying to atone for his bad deeds nowadays (but has his change of heart come too late?). There's the Cain/Abel thing going on between Kareth and Refan, and it seems their respective children aren't on too good terms either. Kareth turned Xerathas into a basically soulless shell, Gabriel was brainwashed, Ildor was the result of a rape, and poor Uni got involved in that fucked up family without her consent. Add to that the bittersweet tales of Varalia and Skye, and you have a soap opera level thing going on (but thankfully not as ridiculous).
It might seem too complex, but the events and relationships are all a result of people's actions throughout the story. I don't know how it all will end: will the clan wipe itself out in order to come full circle in this tragic plot setting? Can the disaster be averted? It's interesting to experiment on that, particularly because these characters are based on novel characters that I've been working on for quite some time. tGA has been an excellent chance to try out different scenes and find out what the outcomes turn out to be. I wouldn't want it any other way, although the events in the novel won't follow the patterns laid out in tGA: consider tGA as a "what if" scenario between these characters, which provides some elements for the novels actual plot.
But I'm babbling again, so it's time to move on. xD
Been busy with work as usual. Seen a few of my university buddies and lecturers buying booze, so it's kinda fun teasing them about it (we're all cool about it, though). The latest mystery shopping (where ALKO representatives send people to observe us without us knowing so that they can rate our working methods) went really well, and I aced it with a great score. I guess babbling a lot and flirting with girl customers does pay in the end, eh? Although I know I need to study to learn about all the wines and beverages and whatnot, I also need to continue doing uni courses as well. The bad thing is that I'm bad at multitasking so if I focus on work, I neglect uni stuff and vice versa. I wish I had the patience for both but I tend to choose one or the other. In any case I hope I can get my B.A. thesis done before spring because I've been procrastinating too much (not to mention the obligatory army time also ate away the time I was supposed to spend writing the darn thesis in the first place).
To cool off my head, I decided to visit a night club after a long pause. Usually I go there with buddies from choir, but this time I went alone. I immediately noticed that my reflexes kicked in, because I seem to get uncomfortable being among strangers all by myself, and that makes me stiff and whatever. Still, I tried my best to blend in, and this time I decided to actively NOT talk to girls, just to see what happens. I was quite surprised that I got a greeting out of two cute girls (a brunette and a blonde).
When I noticed the brunette actually seemed ok with the greeting stuff, I probably should've asked nicely I could join her, but I hesitated because I wasn't sure if she was waiting for friends and didnt want to be disturbed (a fact that I've noticed all too often in bars). Fortuna favet fortibus, though, but I didn't have the guts to approach her. Not soon after she left the table and went elsewhere, and I don't recall seeing her in the bar after that. Was she waiting for a guy to pick her up, was she waiting for friends, or something else? I'll never know.
As for the blonde, that kind of surprised me. I was minding my own business, texting my sister with my cell phone, but I noticed some chatter from the corner of my eye. I ignored it, assuming the group of girls over there was simply having fun, and I've learned from experience not to approach a table full of girls because they diss you before you can even utter anything. However, to my surprise I suddenly saw a cute blonde from that very table sitting right in front of me and actively opening a conversation. This kind of thing doesn't happen to me often in bars when I'm by myself, so that was both flattering and confusing at the same time. If that wasn't a direct flirting attempt, I don't know what is.
She was a very sweet girl, pretty and chatty. The kind of "girl next door" type. I don't know why I didn't introduce myself immediately but I guess I was surprised by her sudden move to my table so I kinda waited for her to initiate the conversation. After a somewhat hilariously awkward start, things quickly warmed up, and we found a common interest in talking about our studies (one of the best ways to carry on a conversation, in my experience). I learned that she was studying to become a baker, and that was helpful, because we could easily move the subject to certain delicious breads and also to a local bakery where a friend of mine is working.
I'm not particularly sure what exactly happened next, but we still hadn't told each other our names. A stupid mistake, I know: I should've moved more smoothly at that point. I guess her friends beckoned to her or something, and I put two and two together: either her friends had suggested she talk to me, or then they saw that I wasn's smooth talker enough and wanted her out of here without any of us losing face (yes, we Finns can be quite sensitive about that sort of thing in bars when flirting is involved xD). I'm not sure if I did the right thing but when I said her friends were calling for her, she acknowledged it and left for their table. Instead of staying put, I wanted to go all the way so I followed her and joined them after hastily asking to sit next to her.
Things got really interesting rather quickly. I immediately sensed from one of the girls that she saw me as a joke (I might've read her body language wrong, but I'd like to think that way because later observations kind of support that theory; about that in a minute...), but the blonde still seemed to find it ok to talk to me. Either she was being polite to me, or then she was still interested despite her friend signalling that she should stop the flirting (or maybe I was just paranoid and interpreted the eye contact wrong). I did probably the most foolish thing imaginable at this point: that is, I introduced myself to the blonde's friends, shaking hands with them, but I DIDN'T do it to her. Argh. I also didn't ask for any of their names; if anything, I should've at least asked the blonde's name. Bleh, I messed up big-time.
Anyway, not all was lost. I tried to keep a conversation up and asked what they were there for. I found out the blonde and her friend were celebrating the other friend getting married (the time would be two weeks from now). That led to some humorous exchange about weather and how it's related to how long a marriage lasts (tip: if it's raining on your wedding day, the relationship will be a lasting one, according to an old Finnish saying). That seemed to be ok, but it was difficult to continue that sort of conversation, so we moved on to hobbies, and I mentioned I sang in a choir. This got them interested, particularly the blonde who had sung in a choir before in her home town. I was patting myself on the back (in my mind, that is) for finding a hook at long last in this conversation. After some more exchanges, I told them when our choir was going to have rehearsals and invited them to come. I mentioned they didn't have to come next time if they felt the choir thing wasn't their thing, and they seemed ok with it.
Then, something happened. I'm still unsure what I did wrong, but the warm conversation turned cold pretty quickly. The girl who had been eyeing me before suddenly started whispering to the blonde, and I figured out things wouldn't turn out well because I can recognize malicious whispering. Was I being too nerdy (I'm not good at small talk with strangers even though I try so my speech might come off as awkward, which seems to be a turn off for women because one should be determined, which shows good self-esteem which women find hot in here xP), did the girl just think I wasn't the right type for her blonde friend, or was it something else? I tried to ignore it and instead talked to the bride-to-be just to keep my mind off the matter and let the two girls whisper in peace. I didn't want to butt in, but I already knew this wasnt going to end well.
And my instincts were right. I tried to carry on a conversation with the blonde, but not long after she said she and her friends still had other bars to visit so they should move on. I got the hint: stop flirting and stay out of their sight. I guess I could've tried to ask for her name (I still don't understand why I didn't do so... I can be stupid at times, it seems) and phone number or at least remind her of the rehearsals if she was still interested, but I thought that would be too intrusive now that they were not-so-subtly hinting they didn't want my company any longer. When a girl disses you (or hints at such), you've got to take the hint and face it like a man and let it be. I exchanged quick pleasantries with them and told them to have a wonderful night. That was the last time I saw them.
There's of course a possibility that the blonde might show up in the rehearsals this Wednesday. She was the one who approached me of her own free will, after all, and seemed genuinely interested in singing. She wouldn't have initiated a conversation if she didn't find me attractive, and she didnt diss me outright when I joined their table. However, the problem with it is that friends have a lot of influence over their friends, so it's likely the friend will convince her that I'm not worth her while. Girls are hard to figure out, and I'm applying male logic to this which might not be the best option at this point. Still, I'll keep an eye out during the rehearsals this week. Although her appearing there is a possibility, my cynical side doubts it: in fact, I'd be really surprised if she did show up after our brief meeting (our conversation in total couldn't have lasted more than 20 minutes if I recall).
It's too bad, though; I found her genuinely interesting, and I wouldn't have minded getting to know her better. I guess I might still recognize her if we met face to face but trying to spot her in a big crowd in a bar will be impossible. The best course of action for now is to just put that thought to rest: if she doesn't show up, it'll be another dissing, and that'll be it. I shouldn't expect anything less. Still, I enjoyed the brief conversation we had: it's kinda rare to meet so open people in bars, people you actually connect with. It's hard to describe, but something things just "click" between two people, and at least I felt our conversation proceeded naturally and enthusiastically.
In any case I doubt I'll try to actively talk to girls the next time I visit the night club. When you've been dissed over 500 times in a row, it's better to be an observer for a while and see whether anyone approaches you. So far I've had two girls actively approach me in all the times I've been in a bar, so there's high chance a third time will happen too. Some people are smooth talkers and can easily slip from company to company, but I'm not such a person. I guess I ponder things too much to be credible enough, but that hasn't stopped me from trying. We Leos tend to be rather stubborn, after all. ;)
Speaking of observing, I did notice a few interesting things at the night club after the blonde's troupe had left. While I was on a phone, a girl sat next to me. She didn't make a move although she did glance at me every now and then. She was in a company, though, so I didn't think that much of it. I figured that if she was awkwardly trying to flirt, she'd talk to me or something. Maybe she was waiting until I stopped speaking. Well, I ended the call and just sat at my table, drinking Coke like a boss (yes, I know that sounds ironic, just deal with it). Nothing happened. I assumed the guy with the girl was her boyfriend, so I decided not to approach her. She didn't look my type, anyway.
Not long after some Iranian or Kurdi guy showed up, asking her to go dancing. She said yes, and the guy and another girl stayed at the table. I had another phone call, but then the guy and the girl left for somewhere. The guy asked me to keep an eye out on the girl's purse which she left on the floor. I had no obligation to help him, but I thought I'd be a gentleman and do so because I wasn't intending to move from my table anyway so I might as well do him and the girls the favour. And thus I became the other group's watchdog for a while.
The girl later returned with the Iranian/Kurdi/whatever foreigner guy who I noticed was quite the smooth talker. A player, I thought, but I didn't say anything out loud: it was too interesting to subtly observe his actions and see what he'd do next. Things got pretty intimate between the two, but then something happened which caught me by surprise: the girl squeezed my arm and said something along the lines of "Thanks for being so kind as to look after my purse". It took me a second to react to it, but I just nodded and replied "No problem". At that point I realized the girl had probably been trying to flirt with me earlier (awkwardly because she seemed somewhat shy; at least she had a meek voice) but I hadn't registered it. I wasn't expecting any thanks for the purse thing, but it was nice to get some acknowledgement from a Finn.
The foreigner and the girl exchanged phone numbers, had quite a passionate kiss, and the girl and her group left. Not long after the foreigner went to talk to another girl, which confirmed my suspicions: if he wasn't a good example of a player, then I'd be a frickin' millionaire. I kinda feel sorry for the girl if she does contact the guy later; I kinda understand the reasoning behind the guy's thought process, but I still find it somewhat foul to flirt with so many girls, getting their numbers and everything else that entails. But maybe I'm just old-fashioned and not up to speed with the flirting game so I probably shouldn't judge the guy.
Another girl caught my eye: a cute, lone brunette (I'm not 100% sure if she was the first girl from before or someone who resembled her; I have a hard time telling brunettes apart for some reason) with a somewhat bittersweet shirt which said "High heels, high hopes". I don't know about anyone else, but that word combination gave me a somewhat tragic idea of a person desperately looking for company, trying to dress up to look pretty in the eyes of men. I guess I was thinking too romantically about it, but I'd like to think that was the case. I saw her standing next to a pillar, watching somewhat helplessly around her with a somewhat gloomy look in her fair eyes. I considered approaching her: if she was looking for company, why shouldn't I give her what she wants?
Sadly I hesitated for too long, and she disappeared into the crowd a few minutes later. I hadn't memorized her look apart from the shirt, so it'd be hard to find her among dozens of people in a crowded club, so I just stayed where I was, silently cursing my indecisiveness. It bothers me whether she was the first girl or a totally different one; if she was the first one, who knows what might've happened, because she seemed to find my flirting ok before. But because I have no way of confirming it either way, all I can do is speculate. And because that moment has passed, there's no point thinking about it any longer. Still, that shirt lingers in my mind, and it gave me an idea for a story: I've been writing creatively lately (despite tGA being down) so perhaps my active poetry genes gave me an idea about the story behind the bittersweet words of her shirt.
Despite not really talking to that many people, I found the bar night worth my while. I spent most of it alone, observing people, but the few conversations I had were interesting, and it was nice to watch people, which gave me some inspiration for a few scenes I've been working on in my creative writing assignment. I might try going to the club next Friday and perhaps Saturday and see what happens. Maybe I'll run into familiar faces and girls, maybe I'll meet new people, or at least I'll hear good music and see people acting in interesting ways. Bar nights are never wasted as far as a would-be author is concerned. They always provide you with ideas, and who knows: they might also have the extra benefit of helping you find a mate. ^_^
Yours,
Mikko
I'm not exactly sure whether the site's been hacked or if some of the server upgrades have bonked the forums, but nevertheless tGA forums can't be accessed at the moment (they show only an error message). The same is true as far as the wiki goes (except if you access the wiki as a guest and not as a logged in member for some reason). This could be a problem with my login alone, though, because I've noticed that spambots can still register in the wiki and post without problems whereas I can't log in to erase their spam posts.
I've tried to look through old text files for the password to the ftp login name and password so that I could access the site via Filezilla or whatever, but I haven't found anything (why don't I have the login info anywhere, I wonder? I swear I've saved that somewhere years ago...) Still, even if I had the pw and login info, I doubt I could do much because I wouldn't know what to fix. The forums give specific errors, but that's pure Latin to me because I'm not tech savvy enough to decipher it (plus there might be other problems which the error messages simply aren't showing).
This is of course extremely frustrating. Just when the story was progressing well and we got an actual active core user base, THIS happens. I was already looking forward to getting the mage heroes reunited with the other heroes in Alent. I had also polished the Master post (where we finally find out the bastard's true identity in a rather shocking and bittersweet twist) and was getting ready to post it, but I can't do that until the forums work again (assuming any of us gets it working...). Still, this sucks big-time. At times like these I wish I had more tech know-how and had actually taken backup copies of the forums to my hard drive, but oh well. I hope something good happens and this gets fixed. I'm bursting with so many ideas I'd like to try out, and I wouldn't mind seeing where the Razoul x Rain romance goes...
Before the tGA site went bonkers, I was working on a family tree of the d'Zarnagons (a dynasty of characters I'd been RPing over the course of the RP's run). It was nice putting them all on the same page and see how generations have passed. Funnily enough every member shown in the pic below are still alive sans Delora, but they sure have a messed-up family now that I think about it. I'd like to point out that Delora, Skye, Varalia, and Unithien aren't part of the core family (the first three had kids with the actual d'Zarnagons whereas Unithien was born before Varalia met Kareth). I do think now that I should've made one of the newer generation kids a girl; too many guys on the list (but at least Uni is there fighting the good fight for girls, right?).
The infamous d'Zarnagon family tree:
I put pics of Refan and Kareth as demons because I thought those pics look cooler than their regular human pics (there's also a narrative related reason, though). Both pics are spoiler-riffic, Big K more so, but what the heck. I wouldn't mind exploring Kareth more in the RP if we ever get the forums back on their feet. I could imagine so many interesting scenes between him and Refan: would the brothers ever put aside their differenes? Would Kareth ever learn to atone for his dastardly actions? Where does Refan's path take him?
I'm glad I managed to make all characters share some of their parents' traits. For example, Ildor has his mother's eyes and ears but his father's nose, hair and face, and Gabriel has his father's eyes but his mother's eye colour. Even though this kind of doodling is somewhat meaningless, I've enjoyed editing the sprites and giving these characters faces. It's a good art exercise, and I enjoy fleshing out the characters more this way. Plus it's fun seeing how they're related to one another.
I do feel sorry for Varalia in retrospect, though. Poor elf had to suffer through two rapes, both of which resulted in kids. I guess I've been too mean to her, but I think her coming to terms with those violations is also part of her appeal, and the kids have given her life a purpose. She's a villain, but a sympathetic one in my view: I can relate to her self-doubting and her determination to carry on despite all the burden she's had to deal with in her life. I particularly liked the way how Nic got a hang of her character quickly during a certain battle scene in the RP. Now that I think of it, Varalia is probably my only truly earnest female character in the whole RP. Other girls focus on different aspects (even poor Uni), but Varalia has been fleshed out the most because she was my second RP character and has thus existed almost as long as Refan.
I didn't add Uni's father and Xerathas's mother to the family tree; although they are those characters' parents, they just don't belong to a d'Zarnagon family tree. I even hesitate putting Varalia and Uni there, but whether anyone likes it or not, those two have become permanently linked to the family in more ways than one might imagine.
I guess I have a knack for melodrama, but I enjoy writing over the top family meeting scenes like the one with Ronove, Refan and Omaroch in Vanna's dungeon. Perhaps that tactic is cheap, but it provides so many juicy opportunities for drama that as a storyteller I can't ignore such. I'd like to continue that complex relationship plot in the RP if there's ever a chance to do so: Ronove (who's not part of the d'Zarnagon clan but who's linked to it) has been an interesting "villain" to write after his betrayal of the heroes, and I'd like to explore his motivations a bit more. I don't know why, but demons are so much fun to write about. Is it the villainy or their machinations or complex family drama? I dunno, but I like it.
I also saw potential in a Refan x Skye x Ax triangle drama even though that would've been somewhat hard to write about without Nic being around. Part of Refan's appeal to me is that he's flawed and struggles between the love for the two women of his life: his wife Skye and his comrade Ax. With his demonic side taking over, nothing's stopping him from acting out what his heart desires, but where will that path lead him? Can he choose between the two women, or will his actions ultimately result in a tragic downfall? See, I just can't resist the melodrama inherent in that possible plot. I enjoyed the way the romantic tension has been RPed, and with Refan's turn to the dark side I finally had free reins to push him to the more dramatic and perhaps tragic direction of a hunter who becomes like those he has hunted.
As for Omaroch, I never expected him to play a big part in the story, but he grew into a fleshed out, tortured character as the story progressed. His love for his sons and the hurt he feels because of their betrayal (no matter how "just" those betrayals actually were due to certain understandable and bittersweet events) is something I enjoy writing about. I don't know why writing about tortured characters is interesting: could it be that it allows me to eamine the full range of human emotions, show these flawed characters that they need to accept things and learn to forgive to move on in their lives?
It's somewhat sad how messed up the family dynamic in the d'Zarnagon clan is, though. Malakhia and Omaroch have a brutal history, being enemies because they're on opposite sides. Ditto with Nhrakate who's antagonistic to both her husband AND her son: talk about harsh! Omaroch also had a sadly antagonistic relationship with his sons, even though he's trying to atone for his bad deeds nowadays (but has his change of heart come too late?). There's the Cain/Abel thing going on between Kareth and Refan, and it seems their respective children aren't on too good terms either. Kareth turned Xerathas into a basically soulless shell, Gabriel was brainwashed, Ildor was the result of a rape, and poor Uni got involved in that fucked up family without her consent. Add to that the bittersweet tales of Varalia and Skye, and you have a soap opera level thing going on (but thankfully not as ridiculous).
It might seem too complex, but the events and relationships are all a result of people's actions throughout the story. I don't know how it all will end: will the clan wipe itself out in order to come full circle in this tragic plot setting? Can the disaster be averted? It's interesting to experiment on that, particularly because these characters are based on novel characters that I've been working on for quite some time. tGA has been an excellent chance to try out different scenes and find out what the outcomes turn out to be. I wouldn't want it any other way, although the events in the novel won't follow the patterns laid out in tGA: consider tGA as a "what if" scenario between these characters, which provides some elements for the novels actual plot.
But I'm babbling again, so it's time to move on. xD
Been busy with work as usual. Seen a few of my university buddies and lecturers buying booze, so it's kinda fun teasing them about it (we're all cool about it, though). The latest mystery shopping (where ALKO representatives send people to observe us without us knowing so that they can rate our working methods) went really well, and I aced it with a great score. I guess babbling a lot and flirting with girl customers does pay in the end, eh? Although I know I need to study to learn about all the wines and beverages and whatnot, I also need to continue doing uni courses as well. The bad thing is that I'm bad at multitasking so if I focus on work, I neglect uni stuff and vice versa. I wish I had the patience for both but I tend to choose one or the other. In any case I hope I can get my B.A. thesis done before spring because I've been procrastinating too much (not to mention the obligatory army time also ate away the time I was supposed to spend writing the darn thesis in the first place).
To cool off my head, I decided to visit a night club after a long pause. Usually I go there with buddies from choir, but this time I went alone. I immediately noticed that my reflexes kicked in, because I seem to get uncomfortable being among strangers all by myself, and that makes me stiff and whatever. Still, I tried my best to blend in, and this time I decided to actively NOT talk to girls, just to see what happens. I was quite surprised that I got a greeting out of two cute girls (a brunette and a blonde).
When I noticed the brunette actually seemed ok with the greeting stuff, I probably should've asked nicely I could join her, but I hesitated because I wasn't sure if she was waiting for friends and didnt want to be disturbed (a fact that I've noticed all too often in bars). Fortuna favet fortibus, though, but I didn't have the guts to approach her. Not soon after she left the table and went elsewhere, and I don't recall seeing her in the bar after that. Was she waiting for a guy to pick her up, was she waiting for friends, or something else? I'll never know.
As for the blonde, that kind of surprised me. I was minding my own business, texting my sister with my cell phone, but I noticed some chatter from the corner of my eye. I ignored it, assuming the group of girls over there was simply having fun, and I've learned from experience not to approach a table full of girls because they diss you before you can even utter anything. However, to my surprise I suddenly saw a cute blonde from that very table sitting right in front of me and actively opening a conversation. This kind of thing doesn't happen to me often in bars when I'm by myself, so that was both flattering and confusing at the same time. If that wasn't a direct flirting attempt, I don't know what is.
She was a very sweet girl, pretty and chatty. The kind of "girl next door" type. I don't know why I didn't introduce myself immediately but I guess I was surprised by her sudden move to my table so I kinda waited for her to initiate the conversation. After a somewhat hilariously awkward start, things quickly warmed up, and we found a common interest in talking about our studies (one of the best ways to carry on a conversation, in my experience). I learned that she was studying to become a baker, and that was helpful, because we could easily move the subject to certain delicious breads and also to a local bakery where a friend of mine is working.
I'm not particularly sure what exactly happened next, but we still hadn't told each other our names. A stupid mistake, I know: I should've moved more smoothly at that point. I guess her friends beckoned to her or something, and I put two and two together: either her friends had suggested she talk to me, or then they saw that I wasn's smooth talker enough and wanted her out of here without any of us losing face (yes, we Finns can be quite sensitive about that sort of thing in bars when flirting is involved xD). I'm not sure if I did the right thing but when I said her friends were calling for her, she acknowledged it and left for their table. Instead of staying put, I wanted to go all the way so I followed her and joined them after hastily asking to sit next to her.
Things got really interesting rather quickly. I immediately sensed from one of the girls that she saw me as a joke (I might've read her body language wrong, but I'd like to think that way because later observations kind of support that theory; about that in a minute...), but the blonde still seemed to find it ok to talk to me. Either she was being polite to me, or then she was still interested despite her friend signalling that she should stop the flirting (or maybe I was just paranoid and interpreted the eye contact wrong). I did probably the most foolish thing imaginable at this point: that is, I introduced myself to the blonde's friends, shaking hands with them, but I DIDN'T do it to her. Argh. I also didn't ask for any of their names; if anything, I should've at least asked the blonde's name. Bleh, I messed up big-time.
Anyway, not all was lost. I tried to keep a conversation up and asked what they were there for. I found out the blonde and her friend were celebrating the other friend getting married (the time would be two weeks from now). That led to some humorous exchange about weather and how it's related to how long a marriage lasts (tip: if it's raining on your wedding day, the relationship will be a lasting one, according to an old Finnish saying). That seemed to be ok, but it was difficult to continue that sort of conversation, so we moved on to hobbies, and I mentioned I sang in a choir. This got them interested, particularly the blonde who had sung in a choir before in her home town. I was patting myself on the back (in my mind, that is) for finding a hook at long last in this conversation. After some more exchanges, I told them when our choir was going to have rehearsals and invited them to come. I mentioned they didn't have to come next time if they felt the choir thing wasn't their thing, and they seemed ok with it.
Then, something happened. I'm still unsure what I did wrong, but the warm conversation turned cold pretty quickly. The girl who had been eyeing me before suddenly started whispering to the blonde, and I figured out things wouldn't turn out well because I can recognize malicious whispering. Was I being too nerdy (I'm not good at small talk with strangers even though I try so my speech might come off as awkward, which seems to be a turn off for women because one should be determined, which shows good self-esteem which women find hot in here xP), did the girl just think I wasn't the right type for her blonde friend, or was it something else? I tried to ignore it and instead talked to the bride-to-be just to keep my mind off the matter and let the two girls whisper in peace. I didn't want to butt in, but I already knew this wasnt going to end well.
And my instincts were right. I tried to carry on a conversation with the blonde, but not long after she said she and her friends still had other bars to visit so they should move on. I got the hint: stop flirting and stay out of their sight. I guess I could've tried to ask for her name (I still don't understand why I didn't do so... I can be stupid at times, it seems) and phone number or at least remind her of the rehearsals if she was still interested, but I thought that would be too intrusive now that they were not-so-subtly hinting they didn't want my company any longer. When a girl disses you (or hints at such), you've got to take the hint and face it like a man and let it be. I exchanged quick pleasantries with them and told them to have a wonderful night. That was the last time I saw them.
There's of course a possibility that the blonde might show up in the rehearsals this Wednesday. She was the one who approached me of her own free will, after all, and seemed genuinely interested in singing. She wouldn't have initiated a conversation if she didn't find me attractive, and she didnt diss me outright when I joined their table. However, the problem with it is that friends have a lot of influence over their friends, so it's likely the friend will convince her that I'm not worth her while. Girls are hard to figure out, and I'm applying male logic to this which might not be the best option at this point. Still, I'll keep an eye out during the rehearsals this week. Although her appearing there is a possibility, my cynical side doubts it: in fact, I'd be really surprised if she did show up after our brief meeting (our conversation in total couldn't have lasted more than 20 minutes if I recall).
It's too bad, though; I found her genuinely interesting, and I wouldn't have minded getting to know her better. I guess I might still recognize her if we met face to face but trying to spot her in a big crowd in a bar will be impossible. The best course of action for now is to just put that thought to rest: if she doesn't show up, it'll be another dissing, and that'll be it. I shouldn't expect anything less. Still, I enjoyed the brief conversation we had: it's kinda rare to meet so open people in bars, people you actually connect with. It's hard to describe, but something things just "click" between two people, and at least I felt our conversation proceeded naturally and enthusiastically.
In any case I doubt I'll try to actively talk to girls the next time I visit the night club. When you've been dissed over 500 times in a row, it's better to be an observer for a while and see whether anyone approaches you. So far I've had two girls actively approach me in all the times I've been in a bar, so there's high chance a third time will happen too. Some people are smooth talkers and can easily slip from company to company, but I'm not such a person. I guess I ponder things too much to be credible enough, but that hasn't stopped me from trying. We Leos tend to be rather stubborn, after all. ;)
Speaking of observing, I did notice a few interesting things at the night club after the blonde's troupe had left. While I was on a phone, a girl sat next to me. She didn't make a move although she did glance at me every now and then. She was in a company, though, so I didn't think that much of it. I figured that if she was awkwardly trying to flirt, she'd talk to me or something. Maybe she was waiting until I stopped speaking. Well, I ended the call and just sat at my table, drinking Coke like a boss (yes, I know that sounds ironic, just deal with it). Nothing happened. I assumed the guy with the girl was her boyfriend, so I decided not to approach her. She didn't look my type, anyway.
Not long after some Iranian or Kurdi guy showed up, asking her to go dancing. She said yes, and the guy and another girl stayed at the table. I had another phone call, but then the guy and the girl left for somewhere. The guy asked me to keep an eye out on the girl's purse which she left on the floor. I had no obligation to help him, but I thought I'd be a gentleman and do so because I wasn't intending to move from my table anyway so I might as well do him and the girls the favour. And thus I became the other group's watchdog for a while.
The girl later returned with the Iranian/Kurdi/whatever foreigner guy who I noticed was quite the smooth talker. A player, I thought, but I didn't say anything out loud: it was too interesting to subtly observe his actions and see what he'd do next. Things got pretty intimate between the two, but then something happened which caught me by surprise: the girl squeezed my arm and said something along the lines of "Thanks for being so kind as to look after my purse". It took me a second to react to it, but I just nodded and replied "No problem". At that point I realized the girl had probably been trying to flirt with me earlier (awkwardly because she seemed somewhat shy; at least she had a meek voice) but I hadn't registered it. I wasn't expecting any thanks for the purse thing, but it was nice to get some acknowledgement from a Finn.
The foreigner and the girl exchanged phone numbers, had quite a passionate kiss, and the girl and her group left. Not long after the foreigner went to talk to another girl, which confirmed my suspicions: if he wasn't a good example of a player, then I'd be a frickin' millionaire. I kinda feel sorry for the girl if she does contact the guy later; I kinda understand the reasoning behind the guy's thought process, but I still find it somewhat foul to flirt with so many girls, getting their numbers and everything else that entails. But maybe I'm just old-fashioned and not up to speed with the flirting game so I probably shouldn't judge the guy.
Another girl caught my eye: a cute, lone brunette (I'm not 100% sure if she was the first girl from before or someone who resembled her; I have a hard time telling brunettes apart for some reason) with a somewhat bittersweet shirt which said "High heels, high hopes". I don't know about anyone else, but that word combination gave me a somewhat tragic idea of a person desperately looking for company, trying to dress up to look pretty in the eyes of men. I guess I was thinking too romantically about it, but I'd like to think that was the case. I saw her standing next to a pillar, watching somewhat helplessly around her with a somewhat gloomy look in her fair eyes. I considered approaching her: if she was looking for company, why shouldn't I give her what she wants?
Sadly I hesitated for too long, and she disappeared into the crowd a few minutes later. I hadn't memorized her look apart from the shirt, so it'd be hard to find her among dozens of people in a crowded club, so I just stayed where I was, silently cursing my indecisiveness. It bothers me whether she was the first girl or a totally different one; if she was the first one, who knows what might've happened, because she seemed to find my flirting ok before. But because I have no way of confirming it either way, all I can do is speculate. And because that moment has passed, there's no point thinking about it any longer. Still, that shirt lingers in my mind, and it gave me an idea for a story: I've been writing creatively lately (despite tGA being down) so perhaps my active poetry genes gave me an idea about the story behind the bittersweet words of her shirt.
Despite not really talking to that many people, I found the bar night worth my while. I spent most of it alone, observing people, but the few conversations I had were interesting, and it was nice to watch people, which gave me some inspiration for a few scenes I've been working on in my creative writing assignment. I might try going to the club next Friday and perhaps Saturday and see what happens. Maybe I'll run into familiar faces and girls, maybe I'll meet new people, or at least I'll hear good music and see people acting in interesting ways. Bar nights are never wasted as far as a would-be author is concerned. They always provide you with ideas, and who knows: they might also have the extra benefit of helping you find a mate. ^_^
Yours,
Mikko