Onwards we go!
Dear diary, I haven't meant to neglect you for so long, but life's been quite busy, and I just haven't had time to write down my thoughts. There's so much I need to express, but I'll just have to proceed with one entry and then the other. Let's see where this road takes us.
It's been a busy few months of this new year. Haven't really had time to focus as much on school as I should've, mainly because choir and work have taken a big chunk of my time, not to mention some influenza is trying to hit me although I've done my best to combat it. Been trying to get work done on my translation theory stuff as well as stylistics courses but it can be difficult dividing time so I don't end up burning myself out. One step at a time, I suppose.
And now for the heavier stuff, diary. Just need to get this off my chest, so why not write it down on your digital pages? ;)
I remember how I made an okcupid account years and years ago (around the time when I began writing for LJ, if my memory serves) but only now it's bearing fruit, funnily (and interestingly) enough. I made it originally as a "why not" experiment, to see if I met people there, kind of like how I've been meeting people through fora over the years.
I've been contacted by a bunch of people in OKCupid this year, and I've had nice conversations with people. Granted, it can be difficult to stay in touch, although I've been adding some of them to friends list to make chatting easier because the site's chatting function just isn't that good. It's always fascinating to talk with people, particularly when they come from different cultures. I know I should keep in touch with friends but it can be difficult, considering the number of them online and "offline". I'm not that good at being the "active" participant in conversations, and usually I just don't want to bother people because they tend to be busy. When I do talk with them, however, we tend to have more or less lengthy conversations which have been enjoyable. =)
I haven't really had time to go to bars and nightclubs lately, which is regrettable. Not that those places are the best places to meet people, mainly because so many people are so drunk that it can get utterly hilarious. Some of my experiences there have been alright, though, and observing people has given me lots of ideas on the novels I'm working on. It's also sad that it's getting more and more expensive to go to a bar even if you have the good fortune of not having to pay the entry fee (which you often have to pay unless you happen to enter at a time when they let you go in free, which I've learned over the years xD). Considering you have to pay for a place for your jacket, and then if you buy two cheap drinks, that'll still clost 10-20 euros minimum. If you only go to a bar, say, thrice a week, and if you're lucky enough not to pay an entry fee (to the more popular bars and night clubs), that means you'll still end up paying 30-60 euros per week minimum, not to mention the fact that it messes up with your sleep rhythm if you stay there all the way to 4 AM (which I generally do because it makes little sense to just stay there for an hour or two considering how much you've had to pay to get in). I suppose I won't be able to visit clubs anytime soon either (except occasionally with choir buddies) because I need to focus on work and school too even though many other things are drawing my attention too.
Speaking of which, I haven't really had much luck with the ladies so far. Sure, I've befriended people but nothing romantic has come out of it. I find it kind of silly and weird that many girls say I'm charming and attractive but nothing comes out of it in the end. I don't think I lack confidence either although I admit that after having been turned down I don't really actively approach women in bars; breaking the ice with Finnish girls can be so frustrating, or perhaps I've just had the bad luck of talking to the not-so-easily-approachable types. The few times I might've had a chance, it turned out that the women in question were in relationships, and there's no way in hell I'll ever have a relationship with someone who's cheating on their guy even if the offer has been tempting a couple of times. If they want to date me, then leave the guy, it's that simple. I just can't bend my morality that way no matter what no matter how liberal my views are. I don't mind flirting with "taken" women as long as nothing else comes out of it, but sheesh.
Then again, perhaps I shouldn't see this as surprising because recent studies point out that 1/3 of Finnish relationships have had cheating at some point. Add to that the fact that Finnish guys apparently can't please women in bed (according to the survey, anyway...), and I kinda feel sorry for the women of our land. I guess it's the same all over the world, but still...after reading Kama Sutra, I don't want women to suffer in unhealthy relationships where the guys don't pay enough attention to them (not that a guy should stay with a woman all the time, but you know what I mean, diary). This is further fueled by the conversations I've had with women IRL and online, and I can't help but roll my eyes and wonder why they even bother. I mean, I know there are decent guys out there, so why can't they find them? Or more importantly, why can't guys learn to view women with more complexity and empathy? I'm not saying every guy is like that; I know quite a few healthy relationships, but for every healthy one I find, ten unhealthy ones pop up. I guess it's part of our culture; if guys and girls were taught this stuff in sex ed classes or at home or whatever, perhaps things would be different.
I consider myself a romantic and would like to be in a relationship. I've seen the horrible ways many guys treat their women (trust me, I could have dozens of stories to tell, not to mention how I've ended up sort of "counselling" some of my male and female friends about relationships even though I don't personally have any experience on that front; maybe they just feel I'm easy to talk to about that kind of stuff even though I say they should find help from someone who actually knows this stuff, but whatever, I help them anyway because I don't want to see my friends sad). I believe I could treat a girlfriend better than some of these guys, but then again, I could just as easily screw it over. After you've lived alone for this long, it's just getting harder and harder every year to actually even imagine living with someone. I'm just kind of worried because I'm getting closer to my 30s and the longer you're single, the harder it gets to actually find someone. I find it kinda awkward that all my choir buddies and colleagues at work, along with several friends and family members, are with someone (I generally count the 15-80 age range in this). In parties it can get even more awkward since everyone's bringing their loved ones with them and I'm, well, by myself. Not that I haven't had a good time, but you do feel kind of left out, which isn't helped by some of the sly comments from certain people like "How are you still single?" and all that jazz which I just joke about when the point is raised.
I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong; I get along with people well, but no one really see me as anything beyond a friend. Not that I don't mind being a friend, of course: I have nothing against "friend zone" (which is a silly term in and of itself) because friendships are just as important to life than romantic relationships, but I just wonder if I lack something because I've seen people with far less charm and confidence to actually enter relationships successfully. Maybe I'm overanalyzing it, and I've tried to keep my mind off it and instead "go with the flow". After all, I wouldn't want to end up in a relationship just because I'd rather not want to be alone; I just want to find someone I can really connect with and feel comfortable with instead of just taking the first girl who actually comes my way. It's really difficult to explain, but maybe I'm getting my point across.
I guess one of the problems is also that I can sort of "connect" with people emotionally relatively easily and get attracted to them, but I can be rather open-minded and perhaps too direct in my speeches (I never mean any harm, but some might take it the wrong way, which has happened quite often in the past; perhaps I just don't have the "universal" way of thinking which might be off-putting to people), which some people don't like. I have my interests but I understand these interests don't necessarily attract others (then again, I never really talk about it openly unless someone asks so I'm not promoting that either). It's just that perhaps, because I've been single for so long, I just want to take things easy at first. I'd hate to commit myself to a relationship which wouldn't last. I don't think I could go for one-night stands at this stage anymore because I suppose I'd get emotionally hurt over it (in theory; I haven't tested it, and I don't think I ever will even if I had the chance).
My friends tell me I shouldn't stress about it and I should just have fun with girls, but I suppose it can be difficult because of my past experiences which haven't ended well and which might be reflected in my behaviour. Paradoxically I can both open myself up too much yet be too sheltered and introverted at the same time. I don't know how things have turned out that way, so meh. In any case, I'm just trying to focus on studies and work for now perhaps to the detriment of romantic relationships. If I meet someone IRL or online and we connect, that's awesome, but I'm not putting my hopes on it. Thankfully my friends haven't nagged about it anymore most of the time mainly because they're now in stable relationships and have their own stuff to worry about than my "singleness". Granted, there's also family which keeps saying stuff like "Why haven't you found a girlfriend yet?" which is annoying to me, but I'll just say I'll bide my time and see how things develop. :P
I don't feel like asking for advice from guys or girls either. I have had discussions with several buddies of both sexes and have learned invaluable information from them, but the main thing I always say is "be yourself" and "take others into consideration" because that's what it boils down to, and I agree with them. Perhaps the big problem is that the "myself" just isn't that interesting to people which is why I haven't been lucky, or I've been looking at the wrong type of women?
But I don't want to change myself too much; I can compromise, but I'm a Leo so I have my limits and I'd prefer to still keep my integrity instead of submitting to something else. That's one of the reasons I'll never start drinking to get drunk despite many friends' pleadings; that's just not for me even if that's the "norm" among Finns (although thankfully this seems to be changing even among non-religious circles if recent studies are any indication). Maybe it'd open me up more, but I'm worried what else that might unleash because my family has a rather bad history with alcohol and its side effects. Besides, I don't want to add any alcohol-related diseases to my life expectancy.
Thankfully I don't stress too much about this stuff and I just tend to ignore other people's remarks (even if it does get annoying and I sometimes tell them to shut up because my life is mine and not theirs) but I can't help but feel I'm wasting away and that I should be way more active than I've been about hanging out with people. In fact, I'm surprised I haven't been mugged or beaten to a pulp already considering the type of people I've met over the years. Nightlife in here can be downright dangerous if you end up in the wrong circles and don't have "street smarts", and I admit I don't really have much of that or the ruthlessness which that kind of life requires (something which the army proved to me, so I'm grateful for that time of my life which helped me see things from a new perspective). But the fact is that I'm not getting any younger, and I'd rather have relationships when I'm still in my prime than have my first one when I'm, say, in my 50s. And I just hope that whatever happens, I'll be sensible enough to stand my ground and not let any strong person make me submit; I know I can make compromises perhaps a bit too much, but I'm a Leo, and I'm territorial so hopefully I won't forget what life (and watching other people screw up) has taught me on what works and doesn't work in relationships.
And of course this doesn't mean I'm a perfect boyfriend by any means, at least I don't think so. I have my flaws as well, possibly several (but it's hard for me to see them myself so I'd need outsider's perspective, which thankfully the army kind of gave me even if it didn't come from the mouths of women). But even if I was a sucky boyfriend on many levels, at least one thing would be certain: I'd make damn sure to make her realize that if something about me bothered her, she should just tell me and we could work things out. Like I said, I'm willing to compromise if the other one does the same too, and as long as we have some interests in common and do care for each other spiritually, intellectually and physically (and what other ways there are), then that should be enough.
I've sometimes wondered if I could date someone with a kid; on the one hand I'd prefer being in a relationship with just one person without worrying about the other, but on the other hand if the girl is otherwise awesome, would the kid be a problem, really? That's something I'm still not sure of, but I guess for the sake of the kid it would be better that I simply was with someone who didn't have that baggage (not that I wouldn't want kids eventually, but at first I'd like to spend time with her alone and then think of having a kid running around). That's one other reason why I'm worried about getting older: once you go past a certain age, you won't be able to have kids anymore. If we wanted kids, it would have to happen a few years after simply so that we'd know each other better before taking that crucial step.
I'm not sure whether I'd be a good dad (people say I would be, but I sometimes find younger children and some teens incredibly annoying). I guess I could grow into the role (and I'd make damn sure to subject the kid to Disney stuff and all the old movies from 1930s and whatnot and make him/her broaden his/her views and learn to accept several genres regardless of age). But that's not something I should even think about since first I'd have to be in a relationship. But eh, time will tell, I suppose.
As always, just go with the flow. I've rambled about this long enough. =)
And now onto less heavy subjects like the arts!
First, Clone Wars. I've been meaning to write about the new seasons for a while but didn't have the time or motivation. I'll keep this relatively short.
First of all, I've found myself enjoying the stories in this Star Wars animated series. Sure, some bits have been duds (never cared much for the droid-centric episodes) but when it hits gold, it hits hard despite some hiccups. I think it was a bold move to bring Darth Maul back even if the resolution (for now) left some things to be desired (I admit Maul vs. Obi-Wan and Maul vs. Sidious battles were cool). I enjoyed the hints at romance throughout the series between various characters (Obi-Wan and Duchess Satine being among my favourites not only because of the Moulin Rouge connection, and Anakin and Miraj Scintel being awesome too because Miraj was such a deliciously written anti-villain that I couldn't help but feel sorry for her and be enchanted by her cunning and charm).
It's been nice seeing cameos of characters from the movies, particularly Qui-Gon and Shmi who were both reprised by Liam Neeson and Pernilla August, respectively, in those interesting Force-centric vision episodes. Sam Witwer also deserves a special mention for his surprisingly good voice acting (making the Son have aspects of all Sith lords from the movies was a neat touch, and his Darth Maul has the movie's chilling tone while also bringing in the insanity). The series also accomplished what I didn't think was possible: they actually made Maul sympathetic in how he ends up caring for his brother when the latter dies in the hands of Sidious. If only they could've showed a bit more of Obi-Wan's love for Satine but sadly they had to undermine it because Obi is first and foremost a Jedi and will never fall to the same passion in his older years as Anakin does with Padme.
There are several powerful moments in the series, and now that we're moving to the end of Season 5 and beginning of season 6, we're already seeing characters being killed off left and right. I just wonder how they'll deal with Ahsoka, Anakin's apprentice, because she's nowhere to be found in Episode 3. I think it would've been really cool to see her actually in episode 3 to bring Anakin's fall full circle. My theory is that she either dies during the series (whether becomes she falls to the Dark Side or is killed off by a villain or whatever) or retires. It would be cool to see her and Vader duel during the Jedi Purges but that might not be her fate. She's so deeply connected to the lore by now that whatever happens to her, it'll be interesting to see. I just hope that she'll be dead by the time of Episode 4 or otherwise the events of Episode 4 and Force Unleashed have little relevance. Then again, Clone Wars has retconned several canon things so who knows what might happen. And please let us see glimpses of Thrawn and Xizor. That's a long shot, I know, but the geek in me would love to see those two beloved Expanded Universe villains show up, especially now that they've hinted at Thrawn's species and actually shown Xizor's Black Sun organization (before Xizor rose to power).
The way they've made Ahsoka leave the show for now was actually rather touching (as seen here, huge spoilers by the way), although I hope we'll see more closure for her. I really, really liked the way they used a full orchestra and choir for that touching episode, and what really sells it for me is the heartbreaking rendition of the Force theme (which starts around 1:50 in that clip) as well as the string theme it morphs into. As a lovely final touch, they didn't use the bombastic end credits music after this scene, instead letting the somber mood continue to the end credits. Great acting and animation in this one; this is what Clone Wars is at its best. Riveting character drama.
Overall, I've enjoyed the ride with Clone Wars. Had I been younger when this came out, I probably would've enjoyed it even more because this is exactly the kind of stuff I'd have wanted to see as a 10-year-old (although at that time I didn't even know Lucas was making prequel films so I would've wanted to see these kinds of stories set between, say, episode 4 and 5 with Rebels fighting against Empire...which is now apparently happening with the announcement of a new cartoon series called the Rebels). I do like foreshadowing which the episodes have as well as several interesting characters. I love how Boba Fett is fleshed out and made a sort of tragic villain in the Greek tragedy mode even if it kind of falls short too (depending on the writer of a given episode). I love all the references to canon and EU material. The music's average but when you hear those Williams themes and the Clone theme, you can't help but smile, and at times Kevin Kiner the composer does give that heartfelt feel which the music needs. It's definitely worth watching if you're a Star Wars fan, but if you don't care for the saga that much, then you can skip it. Just a word of warning: you have to go through a lot of average episodes to reach the gems but once you find the gems, you'll be happy that you went through all of that because the payoffs are incredible. =)
And speaking of payoffs, you can say I'm very surprised that Lucas ended up selling Star Wars franchise to Disney out of all things. I mean, why? I understand if his children don't want anything to do with it, but was he scared how other Lucasfilm employees might screw it up? Or did Disney make him such a tempting offer he couldn't refuse? What I'd give to find out what really motivated Lucas to pull this stunt.
I mean, seriously. I never thought to see the day that Episode 7 would see the light of day. The saga is complete with episode 6 with Anakin's arc coming full circle. Sure, Lucas originally had ideas for eps 7-9 but I think those were put into ep 6 mostly. What kind of story will they tell with no Vader and Emperor around, since Anakin was the centerpiece of the saga? They obviously won't use the Thrawn Trilogy, so what sort of villain could be as iconic as the Imperialists? Will they keep the EU canon with Han/Leia's kids and Mara Jade? In fact, how is the new movie continuity going to fit with established EU canon storyline? Perhaps the Expanded Universe will become alternate canon now? I can't wait to see how Pablo Hidalgo will solve that problem because Star Wars has been notorious in incorporating every storyline into a single canon, but this new movie series will definitely screw it all up. Most curious indeed. At least John Williams is still writing the score, so we should see some delicious continuation of past Star Wars material and new, exciting themes.
Diablo 3 is probably the first game ever that I almost ended up having to toss a coin for. It was so popular that it vanished from store shelves within a day or so when it came here last summer. When I came to fetch my copy, there was another guy there who claimed he had come before me. The seller said we could settle the matter with a coin toss. I found the idea kinda funny, but when I saw the devastated look in the guy's face, I simply let the whole thing slide and told the guy he could have the game because I was in no rush to play it. And the guy didn't even thank me for it; I guess people really are that selfish at times even when someone's being kind enough to let them experience the game. Then again, I guess I had the last laugh because soon after D3 had its infamous login error, so the guy couldn't even play it for a week or so anyway.
When I finally got my hands on D3 a couple of weeks later, well...I enjoyed it for the most part but found it kinda average in others. I don't think it deserves the hate it has gotten (seriously, people should just earn their gear themselves without bitching about Auction House which they keep using; I've never used Auction House, and knowledge of others using it hasn't angered me because I don't care), but it's definitely not perfect. The storyline's generic-ness surprised me the most; sure, it has some great ideas, but it's not quite as good as the previews promised it to be. Killing off Deckard Cain in such an unceremonious manner, the villains being cliches or stupid beyond belief, some of the repetitive effects (seriously, snow and sand look like palette-swapped versions of one another, which is a far cry from snow/sand settings in D2). The worst insult of all is possibly the soundtrack which is below average except during cutscenes and a couple of key moments. I listened to the complete rip of the score, and boy is it droning. Even I could write better background music than that. I know it's because they didn't want the music to distract, but sheesh. Whenever I play, I'm forced to put my own music in the background.
I'm not going to talk at length about the flaws of the game since those have been documented well enough. What I do want to mention briefly are the positives. Voice acting, graphics and cinematics (I particularly enjoyed Cain's funeral scene as well as Diablo vs. Imperius at Heaven's Gate) are top notch. Some of the plot twists are passable although I wish some of them had been executed better. Belial, the Lord of Lies, was my personal favourite of the antagonists thanks to his smug attitude and some of the memorable lines like "I cast off these petty illusions. Behold the true vision of the Lord of Hell!" which has to be seen and heard to be believed.
Act 1 has some nice Tristram feel from D1 and D2, and Act 2 has the pretty Caldeum (although the rest of it is rather lackluster except for Belial and Zoltun Kulle who's a pretty fun villain character). Act 3 has some big badass battle sequence although I wish it'd been even more hectic with more monsters coming at you although defending the keep was pretty fun. Hell, however, left me wanting except for some of the neat background designs and the generic yet somewhat enjoyable Cydaea, Maiden of Pain. Act 4 was way too short with rather pointless cameos (Izual, anyone?), and the final battle against Diablo was just lackluster (although still better than D2's battle, IMHO). It's been kinda funny how many fans have raged over Diablo looking like a girl, but I didn't mind; I found him oddly alluring. Betrayal from one of your allies can be seen a mile away, which diminishes the tragic outcome of the betrayal.
I do enjoy the fact that character skills can be swapped instead of being stuck with them like in D2. It's allowed me to try different builds to see what works. My current characters can be seen here, and I've found my monk (Unithien) and wizard (Zarnagon) in particular fun to play as. The followers are also pretty funny although I wish they had more dialogue; their mannerisms kept reminding me of my high school teachers (the scoundrel in particular was like the perfect imitation of my history teacher).
I do wish to continue playing the game, but I have a bunch of others I should finish too such as Starcraft 2 (and Heart of the Swarm expansion), Deus Ex 3 and Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind, not to mention the long-delayed playthrough of Iorveth's path in Witcher 2. But when you're busy, you're busy. At least these games won't be going anywhere, so I can play them at my leisure.
It'll be interesting to see what direction D3's eventual expansion will take and if Blizzard can fix the problems with D3. Already the patches have brought in huge improvements, but I feel they've already lost many of their fans. I guess time will tell.
It was in part to being exposed to youtube videos as well as chatting with a few friends that I finally decided to give Guild Wars 2 a try. It turned out to be a...pretty good purchase, actually. It's effectively my first MMO, and I like that it doesn't have monthly subscription fee.
My views on it are somewhat mixed. On the one hand the story and some of the acting needs some severe tuning. Not that it's horrible but it's just so...generic with little grey areas to work with. Very few characters and plot events are memorable although the team has put a lot of effort making the cultures and races and locations stand out. The music by Jeremy Soule was also surprisingly lackluster; it does have some gems, mainly the sung theme "Fear Not This Night", but much of it left me wanting for more, which is why I often play custom music in the backgroud while I play.
The way of using dynamic events and hearts for questing is kind of interesting and makes the world more dynamic and alive. Sadly they get rather repetitive after a while, even with people. World bosses are okay enough but I'd like to see more gimmick bosses instead of pure hack'n'slash fests. If only we could have Shadow of the Colossus type of boss battles. Some of the battles are rather repetitive but at least swapping weapons gives us something to work with.
What I do like about GW2 are the pretty graphics, art design, the fun races (Charr and Sylvari rock my socks. Rox for the win!), the fluid combat system with dodging and everything (which reminds me of Seiken Densetsu 3 in a good way albeit with less item usage), and the fact how the world is so fun to explore. The world map is frickin' huge (you realize it when you zoom out of your big starting area and realize it's just one of over two dozen areas out there, and more are coming). I've been playing it since November or so, and I still have like 15% of the map left to discover (mainly because I'm slow and using alt characters alongside my main Sylvari elementalist). The locations have their own feel to them, so you definitely know which part of the world you're in by just looking around, and I appreciate that. The capital cities are also okay although I feel some of them are lackluster (Hoelbrak, anyone?). The skills are interesting to use, and I like how they can be swapped based on which weapons you're wielding. Crafting is relatively painless too. Dynamic level adjusting makes sure that even starting areas are challenges for high level characters, so you can always return to earlier areas to get good enough rewards. Jumping puzzles and dungeons can be both fun and frustrating, depending on the puzzle in question. The game has also gotten rid of the trinity of classes (healer, tank, dps), so every one of the game's classes and combos can work in whatever role, which adds variety.
I guess I could write more on the subject, but overall GW2 is a fun game to try out, especially now that living world content is updated twice a month, so there's always something to do. I just wish more of this new content was permanent, like the dungeons and whatnot, but hopefully the team will address the issue eventually. If you enjoy travelling the world and exploring every nook and cranny and trying out a fine combat system which leaves some of the clunkiness of past MMOs behind, this one's for you. If you expect a game with an awesome story and many branching choices, memorable characters and such, this might not be the one for you.
I've kind of been surprised how tGA has had a revival of sorts which started out around 2011 as we got a flood of new members from TVTropes thanks to our trope page there. It's funny how many tropes tGA has had, and we've only scratched the surface since the page is still work in progress. Interestingly our RP chapters have also become longer, so no more 5 page chapters (unless we squeeze some in in the future xD). The story's been moving on in a decent enough pace, and I've managed to develop my characters (Refan, Khalid and Unithien in particular) as well as getting to meet new players' characters. These story developments have allowed me to bring in characters I always wanted to use back in 2005 or so but never got the chance, most notably a pair of kitsune and a sympathetic demon mother.
Speaking of story developments...it was thanks to Nic's assistance that we managed to write a (IMHO) heartbreaking near-rape scene. The whole idea was kinda disturbing to me as I wasn't sure if I could pull it off even though the scene was necessary for character development which the story had been leading towards. Heck, sex scenes (or attempted ones) can be difficult to write, but that's why I want to try them out to hone my skills. Considering the semi-comedic yet dark tone of Refan's sex scene back then which led to some huge plot developments later on down the line (Refan realizing he's a half-demon and later having a son etc. and the eventual leadup to him going crazy from the demonic power), the Khalid/Ax scenes took another approach which, while also advancing character development and plot, also brought in a rather horrific scene which I think Nic and I made work.
For those interested, you can see the chronological progression of Ax and Khalid's scenes here, here and finally here. These kinds of scenes are hard to write, but we had to give this scene its due considering how important it was for their characters. Can you portray a rapist as a sympathic figure (even if the rape in question is partly caused by the influence of a lust demon)? How will it affect a battle-hardened warrior (and I think Nic managed to make Ax's feelings really heartbreaking in her posts, which gave the added weight the tragic scene required)? Can such breach of trust ever be repaired? We've had other pivotal scenes of character development, but this one, oddly enough, was one which hit home.
I'd find the Khalid/Ax thing comparable with a later equally sad post I wrote for the sad reunion of the demons Jahi and Omaroch (where one loves the other, but the other still clings to the memory of a dead loved one). To get the most out of the Omaroch/Jahi post, I suggest listening to this song in the background which is what Jahi's lyrics are based on. Music plays a heavy role in influencing the mood in the post, and I admit I had a hard time writing the O/J post while this was playing as I knew their past, tragic history and how all those emotions are flowing to the surface. It's been challenging, draining yet rewarding writing morally grey characters who you can see sympathetically but who nevertheless do horrible things out of self-righteousness or because they want to protect what they feel is important; that makes the story more interesting than having a clear black&white setting where good guys are always good and bad guys are always bad. In the end it'll be hard to know who to root for, and that's what made tGA such an interesting RPing experience for creative writers who can pour their talents onto the digital medium.
Speaking of which, it's kind of ridiculous how colourful our lore has become. When I look at our tGAwiki, we now have over 1,300 articles and perhaps eventually we'll reach 1,500 articles if we keep adding the First and Second Age stuff. The wiki's looking more and more professional every month, which I like. I do think Bleys was right when he said our lore rivals WoW's lore, and that was a few years ago. But at least now the information is out there in bite-sized chunks for people who re interested in the grey world of tGA.
I guess the saddest thing about it all is that most of the old guard have moved on. Although having fun with new members is fine and dandy, many of them weren't there in the beginning, so some of the revelations and such won't pack as big of a punch...maybe. Not to mention some people leaving their characters hanging with unresolved plots, so you have no idea what resolution they might have if any. If I left a game, I'd write a definitely conclusion (a farewell post, which leads to death or wandering off into the sunset if one wants to bring the character back later) instead of leaving people with so many hooks, but I guess that's just me nitpicking. And because of the way the story is told, some old folks have come back occasionally, and every contribution they've made has been swell. I just wish there was more to it, but I understand people might be busy and more interested in other stuff.
I suppose that we'll resolve these things sooner or later anyway to bring proper closure to this plotline (and other lingering characters' plots). Amazingly this story has been going on for years, and we're only now getting close to a definitive ending of sorts to the main storyline. I personally can't wait to see the end of Refan and Unithien's respective storylines (along with Omaroch's and a couple of others). Tears will be shed, laughter will be heard (maybe), and utter shock will follow as not everyone will come out alive as their plotline necessiates. Granted, it's going to be extremely difficult to kill off a few characters I've gotten used to, but you gotta do this on story's terms. And who knows...maybe new characters of other players will save the day, cancelling the "apocalypse".
It is kind of funny how one RPer said how our tGA world is so sad. Sure, it's dark at times, but that's what real life is like too. Struggling to make the world better (but not being too naive so that the world doesn't eat you alive) and learning to give people another chance is the huge theme of the story IMHO, and at times we reach the dark place with little hope left. That's when true heroes rise and give hope to the masses, leading to a (hopefully) satisfying conclusion. But, depending on people's choices, things might turn out one way or another, so we'll see what happens, I guess.
Last but definitely not least, I feel I should write down something about a recent subject matter which has its roots in the past.
I've been chatting with a few EoFFers (and other people), people I know I can count on when things get rough. So, after I saw certain entries in certain LJs (and after talking with a few people), I grew kinda worried about something. This is something I'd rather not bring up, but I'm a guy who wants closure, so I need to address the thing.
It has to do with Rei as well as the details about her "death" which I recall shocking many people. I remember always being kind of puzzled by its timing, just like Rubah's supposed pregnancy photo or Raist and Shorty lying about their ages, or Rye saying a couple of things, among many, many, many other messed up things from people I've seen on the internet over the years.
But the thing is that after I had chats with people who know more about this stuff than I do, it appears Rei may have faked her death due to rather...complicated reasons. I keep using the name Rei but that may not have been her (their ?) real name...it's hard to say for sure because it's so convoluted if it's true that there may have been more than one person or whatever.
I'm not someone who wants to speculate, but I did suspect something wasn't right. At the time I thought that maybe her parents were so strict that they set up an elaborate scheme to keep her off the net (ridiculous, I know, but I watched soap opera in my youth so sue me! xP), or something else happened, but I still wrote the somewhat skeptical eulogy for her in my LJ because I assumed that whatever happened, I'd likely never see her again (whether she died for real or just took another alias, and in the latter case she likely wouldn't ever befriend any of her old friends again due to fear of exposure or whatever).
I don't know what is supposed to be real in this mess, but either way...I think it'd be nice that, in case this has been an elaborate setup as a few people have suggested to me (and I thank them for providing me with the evidence, although I'm still wavering a bit; I suspected something weird back in 2004, but as usual, I can't be certain unless I have full proof of something, kind of like my relationship with religions now that I think of it), she should just come out and say it. Enough time has passed, and the past is the past, so I would appreciate certainty in this matter one way or another. Rei, if she(they?) actually is alive and is reading this LJ (the latter I find unlikely, but you never know because weirder things have happened...), wouldn't be the sort of person to keep people in the dark for too long unless that too was an act. Still, I want to think the best of people, which has often gotten me into trouble, but either way I just want closure to this one way or another. I've forgiven others who have pulled off similar stunts, so I see no reason why it couldn't happen now. And it would be nice to see her back at tGA too, considering the amount of lore she poured into it and which is STILL affecting the story almost a decade later. I have a feeling she might be proud of it if she visited the forums and the wiki now.
Then again, I'm probably overanalyzing things and should stop worrying about it, but when stuff like this pops up all of a sudden, it just makes me wonder about life and its meaning in general; maybe it'll influence my writing in a positive manner, maybe it's just existentialism for the sake of it. Whatever the truth of this matter is, Rei still was one of the first "foreign" (that is, outside Finland) people I befriended online, so she'll hold a place in my heart as a friend, and I thank her for being so supportive over the years we knew each other before she disappeared. Rei's humour, intelligence and kindness will be missed, and even with her flaws (as any of us has flaws), she left her mark on people.
With that being said, it's time to wrap up for now. I still have so many other things to write about, but that'll have to wait until later.
Yours,
Mikko
It's been a busy few months of this new year. Haven't really had time to focus as much on school as I should've, mainly because choir and work have taken a big chunk of my time, not to mention some influenza is trying to hit me although I've done my best to combat it. Been trying to get work done on my translation theory stuff as well as stylistics courses but it can be difficult dividing time so I don't end up burning myself out. One step at a time, I suppose.
And now for the heavier stuff, diary. Just need to get this off my chest, so why not write it down on your digital pages? ;)
I remember how I made an okcupid account years and years ago (around the time when I began writing for LJ, if my memory serves) but only now it's bearing fruit, funnily (and interestingly) enough. I made it originally as a "why not" experiment, to see if I met people there, kind of like how I've been meeting people through fora over the years.
I've been contacted by a bunch of people in OKCupid this year, and I've had nice conversations with people. Granted, it can be difficult to stay in touch, although I've been adding some of them to friends list to make chatting easier because the site's chatting function just isn't that good. It's always fascinating to talk with people, particularly when they come from different cultures. I know I should keep in touch with friends but it can be difficult, considering the number of them online and "offline". I'm not that good at being the "active" participant in conversations, and usually I just don't want to bother people because they tend to be busy. When I do talk with them, however, we tend to have more or less lengthy conversations which have been enjoyable. =)
I haven't really had time to go to bars and nightclubs lately, which is regrettable. Not that those places are the best places to meet people, mainly because so many people are so drunk that it can get utterly hilarious. Some of my experiences there have been alright, though, and observing people has given me lots of ideas on the novels I'm working on. It's also sad that it's getting more and more expensive to go to a bar even if you have the good fortune of not having to pay the entry fee (which you often have to pay unless you happen to enter at a time when they let you go in free, which I've learned over the years xD). Considering you have to pay for a place for your jacket, and then if you buy two cheap drinks, that'll still clost 10-20 euros minimum. If you only go to a bar, say, thrice a week, and if you're lucky enough not to pay an entry fee (to the more popular bars and night clubs), that means you'll still end up paying 30-60 euros per week minimum, not to mention the fact that it messes up with your sleep rhythm if you stay there all the way to 4 AM (which I generally do because it makes little sense to just stay there for an hour or two considering how much you've had to pay to get in). I suppose I won't be able to visit clubs anytime soon either (except occasionally with choir buddies) because I need to focus on work and school too even though many other things are drawing my attention too.
Speaking of which, I haven't really had much luck with the ladies so far. Sure, I've befriended people but nothing romantic has come out of it. I find it kind of silly and weird that many girls say I'm charming and attractive but nothing comes out of it in the end. I don't think I lack confidence either although I admit that after having been turned down I don't really actively approach women in bars; breaking the ice with Finnish girls can be so frustrating, or perhaps I've just had the bad luck of talking to the not-so-easily-approachable types. The few times I might've had a chance, it turned out that the women in question were in relationships, and there's no way in hell I'll ever have a relationship with someone who's cheating on their guy even if the offer has been tempting a couple of times. If they want to date me, then leave the guy, it's that simple. I just can't bend my morality that way no matter what no matter how liberal my views are. I don't mind flirting with "taken" women as long as nothing else comes out of it, but sheesh.
Then again, perhaps I shouldn't see this as surprising because recent studies point out that 1/3 of Finnish relationships have had cheating at some point. Add to that the fact that Finnish guys apparently can't please women in bed (according to the survey, anyway...), and I kinda feel sorry for the women of our land. I guess it's the same all over the world, but still...after reading Kama Sutra, I don't want women to suffer in unhealthy relationships where the guys don't pay enough attention to them (not that a guy should stay with a woman all the time, but you know what I mean, diary). This is further fueled by the conversations I've had with women IRL and online, and I can't help but roll my eyes and wonder why they even bother. I mean, I know there are decent guys out there, so why can't they find them? Or more importantly, why can't guys learn to view women with more complexity and empathy? I'm not saying every guy is like that; I know quite a few healthy relationships, but for every healthy one I find, ten unhealthy ones pop up. I guess it's part of our culture; if guys and girls were taught this stuff in sex ed classes or at home or whatever, perhaps things would be different.
I consider myself a romantic and would like to be in a relationship. I've seen the horrible ways many guys treat their women (trust me, I could have dozens of stories to tell, not to mention how I've ended up sort of "counselling" some of my male and female friends about relationships even though I don't personally have any experience on that front; maybe they just feel I'm easy to talk to about that kind of stuff even though I say they should find help from someone who actually knows this stuff, but whatever, I help them anyway because I don't want to see my friends sad). I believe I could treat a girlfriend better than some of these guys, but then again, I could just as easily screw it over. After you've lived alone for this long, it's just getting harder and harder every year to actually even imagine living with someone. I'm just kind of worried because I'm getting closer to my 30s and the longer you're single, the harder it gets to actually find someone. I find it kinda awkward that all my choir buddies and colleagues at work, along with several friends and family members, are with someone (I generally count the 15-80 age range in this). In parties it can get even more awkward since everyone's bringing their loved ones with them and I'm, well, by myself. Not that I haven't had a good time, but you do feel kind of left out, which isn't helped by some of the sly comments from certain people like "How are you still single?" and all that jazz which I just joke about when the point is raised.
I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong; I get along with people well, but no one really see me as anything beyond a friend. Not that I don't mind being a friend, of course: I have nothing against "friend zone" (which is a silly term in and of itself) because friendships are just as important to life than romantic relationships, but I just wonder if I lack something because I've seen people with far less charm and confidence to actually enter relationships successfully. Maybe I'm overanalyzing it, and I've tried to keep my mind off it and instead "go with the flow". After all, I wouldn't want to end up in a relationship just because I'd rather not want to be alone; I just want to find someone I can really connect with and feel comfortable with instead of just taking the first girl who actually comes my way. It's really difficult to explain, but maybe I'm getting my point across.
I guess one of the problems is also that I can sort of "connect" with people emotionally relatively easily and get attracted to them, but I can be rather open-minded and perhaps too direct in my speeches (I never mean any harm, but some might take it the wrong way, which has happened quite often in the past; perhaps I just don't have the "universal" way of thinking which might be off-putting to people), which some people don't like. I have my interests but I understand these interests don't necessarily attract others (then again, I never really talk about it openly unless someone asks so I'm not promoting that either). It's just that perhaps, because I've been single for so long, I just want to take things easy at first. I'd hate to commit myself to a relationship which wouldn't last. I don't think I could go for one-night stands at this stage anymore because I suppose I'd get emotionally hurt over it (in theory; I haven't tested it, and I don't think I ever will even if I had the chance).
My friends tell me I shouldn't stress about it and I should just have fun with girls, but I suppose it can be difficult because of my past experiences which haven't ended well and which might be reflected in my behaviour. Paradoxically I can both open myself up too much yet be too sheltered and introverted at the same time. I don't know how things have turned out that way, so meh. In any case, I'm just trying to focus on studies and work for now perhaps to the detriment of romantic relationships. If I meet someone IRL or online and we connect, that's awesome, but I'm not putting my hopes on it. Thankfully my friends haven't nagged about it anymore most of the time mainly because they're now in stable relationships and have their own stuff to worry about than my "singleness". Granted, there's also family which keeps saying stuff like "Why haven't you found a girlfriend yet?" which is annoying to me, but I'll just say I'll bide my time and see how things develop. :P
I don't feel like asking for advice from guys or girls either. I have had discussions with several buddies of both sexes and have learned invaluable information from them, but the main thing I always say is "be yourself" and "take others into consideration" because that's what it boils down to, and I agree with them. Perhaps the big problem is that the "myself" just isn't that interesting to people which is why I haven't been lucky, or I've been looking at the wrong type of women?
But I don't want to change myself too much; I can compromise, but I'm a Leo so I have my limits and I'd prefer to still keep my integrity instead of submitting to something else. That's one of the reasons I'll never start drinking to get drunk despite many friends' pleadings; that's just not for me even if that's the "norm" among Finns (although thankfully this seems to be changing even among non-religious circles if recent studies are any indication). Maybe it'd open me up more, but I'm worried what else that might unleash because my family has a rather bad history with alcohol and its side effects. Besides, I don't want to add any alcohol-related diseases to my life expectancy.
Thankfully I don't stress too much about this stuff and I just tend to ignore other people's remarks (even if it does get annoying and I sometimes tell them to shut up because my life is mine and not theirs) but I can't help but feel I'm wasting away and that I should be way more active than I've been about hanging out with people. In fact, I'm surprised I haven't been mugged or beaten to a pulp already considering the type of people I've met over the years. Nightlife in here can be downright dangerous if you end up in the wrong circles and don't have "street smarts", and I admit I don't really have much of that or the ruthlessness which that kind of life requires (something which the army proved to me, so I'm grateful for that time of my life which helped me see things from a new perspective). But the fact is that I'm not getting any younger, and I'd rather have relationships when I'm still in my prime than have my first one when I'm, say, in my 50s. And I just hope that whatever happens, I'll be sensible enough to stand my ground and not let any strong person make me submit; I know I can make compromises perhaps a bit too much, but I'm a Leo, and I'm territorial so hopefully I won't forget what life (and watching other people screw up) has taught me on what works and doesn't work in relationships.
And of course this doesn't mean I'm a perfect boyfriend by any means, at least I don't think so. I have my flaws as well, possibly several (but it's hard for me to see them myself so I'd need outsider's perspective, which thankfully the army kind of gave me even if it didn't come from the mouths of women). But even if I was a sucky boyfriend on many levels, at least one thing would be certain: I'd make damn sure to make her realize that if something about me bothered her, she should just tell me and we could work things out. Like I said, I'm willing to compromise if the other one does the same too, and as long as we have some interests in common and do care for each other spiritually, intellectually and physically (and what other ways there are), then that should be enough.
I've sometimes wondered if I could date someone with a kid; on the one hand I'd prefer being in a relationship with just one person without worrying about the other, but on the other hand if the girl is otherwise awesome, would the kid be a problem, really? That's something I'm still not sure of, but I guess for the sake of the kid it would be better that I simply was with someone who didn't have that baggage (not that I wouldn't want kids eventually, but at first I'd like to spend time with her alone and then think of having a kid running around). That's one other reason why I'm worried about getting older: once you go past a certain age, you won't be able to have kids anymore. If we wanted kids, it would have to happen a few years after simply so that we'd know each other better before taking that crucial step.
I'm not sure whether I'd be a good dad (people say I would be, but I sometimes find younger children and some teens incredibly annoying). I guess I could grow into the role (and I'd make damn sure to subject the kid to Disney stuff and all the old movies from 1930s and whatnot and make him/her broaden his/her views and learn to accept several genres regardless of age). But that's not something I should even think about since first I'd have to be in a relationship. But eh, time will tell, I suppose.
As always, just go with the flow. I've rambled about this long enough. =)
And now onto less heavy subjects like the arts!
First, Clone Wars. I've been meaning to write about the new seasons for a while but didn't have the time or motivation. I'll keep this relatively short.
First of all, I've found myself enjoying the stories in this Star Wars animated series. Sure, some bits have been duds (never cared much for the droid-centric episodes) but when it hits gold, it hits hard despite some hiccups. I think it was a bold move to bring Darth Maul back even if the resolution (for now) left some things to be desired (I admit Maul vs. Obi-Wan and Maul vs. Sidious battles were cool). I enjoyed the hints at romance throughout the series between various characters (Obi-Wan and Duchess Satine being among my favourites not only because of the Moulin Rouge connection, and Anakin and Miraj Scintel being awesome too because Miraj was such a deliciously written anti-villain that I couldn't help but feel sorry for her and be enchanted by her cunning and charm).
It's been nice seeing cameos of characters from the movies, particularly Qui-Gon and Shmi who were both reprised by Liam Neeson and Pernilla August, respectively, in those interesting Force-centric vision episodes. Sam Witwer also deserves a special mention for his surprisingly good voice acting (making the Son have aspects of all Sith lords from the movies was a neat touch, and his Darth Maul has the movie's chilling tone while also bringing in the insanity). The series also accomplished what I didn't think was possible: they actually made Maul sympathetic in how he ends up caring for his brother when the latter dies in the hands of Sidious. If only they could've showed a bit more of Obi-Wan's love for Satine but sadly they had to undermine it because Obi is first and foremost a Jedi and will never fall to the same passion in his older years as Anakin does with Padme.
There are several powerful moments in the series, and now that we're moving to the end of Season 5 and beginning of season 6, we're already seeing characters being killed off left and right. I just wonder how they'll deal with Ahsoka, Anakin's apprentice, because she's nowhere to be found in Episode 3. I think it would've been really cool to see her actually in episode 3 to bring Anakin's fall full circle. My theory is that she either dies during the series (whether becomes she falls to the Dark Side or is killed off by a villain or whatever) or retires. It would be cool to see her and Vader duel during the Jedi Purges but that might not be her fate. She's so deeply connected to the lore by now that whatever happens to her, it'll be interesting to see. I just hope that she'll be dead by the time of Episode 4 or otherwise the events of Episode 4 and Force Unleashed have little relevance. Then again, Clone Wars has retconned several canon things so who knows what might happen. And please let us see glimpses of Thrawn and Xizor. That's a long shot, I know, but the geek in me would love to see those two beloved Expanded Universe villains show up, especially now that they've hinted at Thrawn's species and actually shown Xizor's Black Sun organization (before Xizor rose to power).
The way they've made Ahsoka leave the show for now was actually rather touching (as seen here, huge spoilers by the way), although I hope we'll see more closure for her. I really, really liked the way they used a full orchestra and choir for that touching episode, and what really sells it for me is the heartbreaking rendition of the Force theme (which starts around 1:50 in that clip) as well as the string theme it morphs into. As a lovely final touch, they didn't use the bombastic end credits music after this scene, instead letting the somber mood continue to the end credits. Great acting and animation in this one; this is what Clone Wars is at its best. Riveting character drama.
Overall, I've enjoyed the ride with Clone Wars. Had I been younger when this came out, I probably would've enjoyed it even more because this is exactly the kind of stuff I'd have wanted to see as a 10-year-old (although at that time I didn't even know Lucas was making prequel films so I would've wanted to see these kinds of stories set between, say, episode 4 and 5 with Rebels fighting against Empire...which is now apparently happening with the announcement of a new cartoon series called the Rebels). I do like foreshadowing which the episodes have as well as several interesting characters. I love how Boba Fett is fleshed out and made a sort of tragic villain in the Greek tragedy mode even if it kind of falls short too (depending on the writer of a given episode). I love all the references to canon and EU material. The music's average but when you hear those Williams themes and the Clone theme, you can't help but smile, and at times Kevin Kiner the composer does give that heartfelt feel which the music needs. It's definitely worth watching if you're a Star Wars fan, but if you don't care for the saga that much, then you can skip it. Just a word of warning: you have to go through a lot of average episodes to reach the gems but once you find the gems, you'll be happy that you went through all of that because the payoffs are incredible. =)
And speaking of payoffs, you can say I'm very surprised that Lucas ended up selling Star Wars franchise to Disney out of all things. I mean, why? I understand if his children don't want anything to do with it, but was he scared how other Lucasfilm employees might screw it up? Or did Disney make him such a tempting offer he couldn't refuse? What I'd give to find out what really motivated Lucas to pull this stunt.
I mean, seriously. I never thought to see the day that Episode 7 would see the light of day. The saga is complete with episode 6 with Anakin's arc coming full circle. Sure, Lucas originally had ideas for eps 7-9 but I think those were put into ep 6 mostly. What kind of story will they tell with no Vader and Emperor around, since Anakin was the centerpiece of the saga? They obviously won't use the Thrawn Trilogy, so what sort of villain could be as iconic as the Imperialists? Will they keep the EU canon with Han/Leia's kids and Mara Jade? In fact, how is the new movie continuity going to fit with established EU canon storyline? Perhaps the Expanded Universe will become alternate canon now? I can't wait to see how Pablo Hidalgo will solve that problem because Star Wars has been notorious in incorporating every storyline into a single canon, but this new movie series will definitely screw it all up. Most curious indeed. At least John Williams is still writing the score, so we should see some delicious continuation of past Star Wars material and new, exciting themes.
Diablo 3 is probably the first game ever that I almost ended up having to toss a coin for. It was so popular that it vanished from store shelves within a day or so when it came here last summer. When I came to fetch my copy, there was another guy there who claimed he had come before me. The seller said we could settle the matter with a coin toss. I found the idea kinda funny, but when I saw the devastated look in the guy's face, I simply let the whole thing slide and told the guy he could have the game because I was in no rush to play it. And the guy didn't even thank me for it; I guess people really are that selfish at times even when someone's being kind enough to let them experience the game. Then again, I guess I had the last laugh because soon after D3 had its infamous login error, so the guy couldn't even play it for a week or so anyway.
When I finally got my hands on D3 a couple of weeks later, well...I enjoyed it for the most part but found it kinda average in others. I don't think it deserves the hate it has gotten (seriously, people should just earn their gear themselves without bitching about Auction House which they keep using; I've never used Auction House, and knowledge of others using it hasn't angered me because I don't care), but it's definitely not perfect. The storyline's generic-ness surprised me the most; sure, it has some great ideas, but it's not quite as good as the previews promised it to be. Killing off Deckard Cain in such an unceremonious manner, the villains being cliches or stupid beyond belief, some of the repetitive effects (seriously, snow and sand look like palette-swapped versions of one another, which is a far cry from snow/sand settings in D2). The worst insult of all is possibly the soundtrack which is below average except during cutscenes and a couple of key moments. I listened to the complete rip of the score, and boy is it droning. Even I could write better background music than that. I know it's because they didn't want the music to distract, but sheesh. Whenever I play, I'm forced to put my own music in the background.
I'm not going to talk at length about the flaws of the game since those have been documented well enough. What I do want to mention briefly are the positives. Voice acting, graphics and cinematics (I particularly enjoyed Cain's funeral scene as well as Diablo vs. Imperius at Heaven's Gate) are top notch. Some of the plot twists are passable although I wish some of them had been executed better. Belial, the Lord of Lies, was my personal favourite of the antagonists thanks to his smug attitude and some of the memorable lines like "I cast off these petty illusions. Behold the true vision of the Lord of Hell!" which has to be seen and heard to be believed.
Act 1 has some nice Tristram feel from D1 and D2, and Act 2 has the pretty Caldeum (although the rest of it is rather lackluster except for Belial and Zoltun Kulle who's a pretty fun villain character). Act 3 has some big badass battle sequence although I wish it'd been even more hectic with more monsters coming at you although defending the keep was pretty fun. Hell, however, left me wanting except for some of the neat background designs and the generic yet somewhat enjoyable Cydaea, Maiden of Pain. Act 4 was way too short with rather pointless cameos (Izual, anyone?), and the final battle against Diablo was just lackluster (although still better than D2's battle, IMHO). It's been kinda funny how many fans have raged over Diablo looking like a girl, but I didn't mind; I found him oddly alluring. Betrayal from one of your allies can be seen a mile away, which diminishes the tragic outcome of the betrayal.
I do enjoy the fact that character skills can be swapped instead of being stuck with them like in D2. It's allowed me to try different builds to see what works. My current characters can be seen here, and I've found my monk (Unithien) and wizard (Zarnagon) in particular fun to play as. The followers are also pretty funny although I wish they had more dialogue; their mannerisms kept reminding me of my high school teachers (the scoundrel in particular was like the perfect imitation of my history teacher).
I do wish to continue playing the game, but I have a bunch of others I should finish too such as Starcraft 2 (and Heart of the Swarm expansion), Deus Ex 3 and Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind, not to mention the long-delayed playthrough of Iorveth's path in Witcher 2. But when you're busy, you're busy. At least these games won't be going anywhere, so I can play them at my leisure.
It'll be interesting to see what direction D3's eventual expansion will take and if Blizzard can fix the problems with D3. Already the patches have brought in huge improvements, but I feel they've already lost many of their fans. I guess time will tell.
It was in part to being exposed to youtube videos as well as chatting with a few friends that I finally decided to give Guild Wars 2 a try. It turned out to be a...pretty good purchase, actually. It's effectively my first MMO, and I like that it doesn't have monthly subscription fee.
My views on it are somewhat mixed. On the one hand the story and some of the acting needs some severe tuning. Not that it's horrible but it's just so...generic with little grey areas to work with. Very few characters and plot events are memorable although the team has put a lot of effort making the cultures and races and locations stand out. The music by Jeremy Soule was also surprisingly lackluster; it does have some gems, mainly the sung theme "Fear Not This Night", but much of it left me wanting for more, which is why I often play custom music in the backgroud while I play.
The way of using dynamic events and hearts for questing is kind of interesting and makes the world more dynamic and alive. Sadly they get rather repetitive after a while, even with people. World bosses are okay enough but I'd like to see more gimmick bosses instead of pure hack'n'slash fests. If only we could have Shadow of the Colossus type of boss battles. Some of the battles are rather repetitive but at least swapping weapons gives us something to work with.
What I do like about GW2 are the pretty graphics, art design, the fun races (Charr and Sylvari rock my socks. Rox for the win!), the fluid combat system with dodging and everything (which reminds me of Seiken Densetsu 3 in a good way albeit with less item usage), and the fact how the world is so fun to explore. The world map is frickin' huge (you realize it when you zoom out of your big starting area and realize it's just one of over two dozen areas out there, and more are coming). I've been playing it since November or so, and I still have like 15% of the map left to discover (mainly because I'm slow and using alt characters alongside my main Sylvari elementalist). The locations have their own feel to them, so you definitely know which part of the world you're in by just looking around, and I appreciate that. The capital cities are also okay although I feel some of them are lackluster (Hoelbrak, anyone?). The skills are interesting to use, and I like how they can be swapped based on which weapons you're wielding. Crafting is relatively painless too. Dynamic level adjusting makes sure that even starting areas are challenges for high level characters, so you can always return to earlier areas to get good enough rewards. Jumping puzzles and dungeons can be both fun and frustrating, depending on the puzzle in question. The game has also gotten rid of the trinity of classes (healer, tank, dps), so every one of the game's classes and combos can work in whatever role, which adds variety.
I guess I could write more on the subject, but overall GW2 is a fun game to try out, especially now that living world content is updated twice a month, so there's always something to do. I just wish more of this new content was permanent, like the dungeons and whatnot, but hopefully the team will address the issue eventually. If you enjoy travelling the world and exploring every nook and cranny and trying out a fine combat system which leaves some of the clunkiness of past MMOs behind, this one's for you. If you expect a game with an awesome story and many branching choices, memorable characters and such, this might not be the one for you.
I've kind of been surprised how tGA has had a revival of sorts which started out around 2011 as we got a flood of new members from TVTropes thanks to our trope page there. It's funny how many tropes tGA has had, and we've only scratched the surface since the page is still work in progress. Interestingly our RP chapters have also become longer, so no more 5 page chapters (unless we squeeze some in in the future xD). The story's been moving on in a decent enough pace, and I've managed to develop my characters (Refan, Khalid and Unithien in particular) as well as getting to meet new players' characters. These story developments have allowed me to bring in characters I always wanted to use back in 2005 or so but never got the chance, most notably a pair of kitsune and a sympathetic demon mother.
Speaking of story developments...it was thanks to Nic's assistance that we managed to write a (IMHO) heartbreaking near-rape scene. The whole idea was kinda disturbing to me as I wasn't sure if I could pull it off even though the scene was necessary for character development which the story had been leading towards. Heck, sex scenes (or attempted ones) can be difficult to write, but that's why I want to try them out to hone my skills. Considering the semi-comedic yet dark tone of Refan's sex scene back then which led to some huge plot developments later on down the line (Refan realizing he's a half-demon and later having a son etc. and the eventual leadup to him going crazy from the demonic power), the Khalid/Ax scenes took another approach which, while also advancing character development and plot, also brought in a rather horrific scene which I think Nic and I made work.
For those interested, you can see the chronological progression of Ax and Khalid's scenes here, here and finally here. These kinds of scenes are hard to write, but we had to give this scene its due considering how important it was for their characters. Can you portray a rapist as a sympathic figure (even if the rape in question is partly caused by the influence of a lust demon)? How will it affect a battle-hardened warrior (and I think Nic managed to make Ax's feelings really heartbreaking in her posts, which gave the added weight the tragic scene required)? Can such breach of trust ever be repaired? We've had other pivotal scenes of character development, but this one, oddly enough, was one which hit home.
I'd find the Khalid/Ax thing comparable with a later equally sad post I wrote for the sad reunion of the demons Jahi and Omaroch (where one loves the other, but the other still clings to the memory of a dead loved one). To get the most out of the Omaroch/Jahi post, I suggest listening to this song in the background which is what Jahi's lyrics are based on. Music plays a heavy role in influencing the mood in the post, and I admit I had a hard time writing the O/J post while this was playing as I knew their past, tragic history and how all those emotions are flowing to the surface. It's been challenging, draining yet rewarding writing morally grey characters who you can see sympathetically but who nevertheless do horrible things out of self-righteousness or because they want to protect what they feel is important; that makes the story more interesting than having a clear black&white setting where good guys are always good and bad guys are always bad. In the end it'll be hard to know who to root for, and that's what made tGA such an interesting RPing experience for creative writers who can pour their talents onto the digital medium.
Speaking of which, it's kind of ridiculous how colourful our lore has become. When I look at our tGAwiki, we now have over 1,300 articles and perhaps eventually we'll reach 1,500 articles if we keep adding the First and Second Age stuff. The wiki's looking more and more professional every month, which I like. I do think Bleys was right when he said our lore rivals WoW's lore, and that was a few years ago. But at least now the information is out there in bite-sized chunks for people who re interested in the grey world of tGA.
I guess the saddest thing about it all is that most of the old guard have moved on. Although having fun with new members is fine and dandy, many of them weren't there in the beginning, so some of the revelations and such won't pack as big of a punch...maybe. Not to mention some people leaving their characters hanging with unresolved plots, so you have no idea what resolution they might have if any. If I left a game, I'd write a definitely conclusion (a farewell post, which leads to death or wandering off into the sunset if one wants to bring the character back later) instead of leaving people with so many hooks, but I guess that's just me nitpicking. And because of the way the story is told, some old folks have come back occasionally, and every contribution they've made has been swell. I just wish there was more to it, but I understand people might be busy and more interested in other stuff.
I suppose that we'll resolve these things sooner or later anyway to bring proper closure to this plotline (and other lingering characters' plots). Amazingly this story has been going on for years, and we're only now getting close to a definitive ending of sorts to the main storyline. I personally can't wait to see the end of Refan and Unithien's respective storylines (along with Omaroch's and a couple of others). Tears will be shed, laughter will be heard (maybe), and utter shock will follow as not everyone will come out alive as their plotline necessiates. Granted, it's going to be extremely difficult to kill off a few characters I've gotten used to, but you gotta do this on story's terms. And who knows...maybe new characters of other players will save the day, cancelling the "apocalypse".
It is kind of funny how one RPer said how our tGA world is so sad. Sure, it's dark at times, but that's what real life is like too. Struggling to make the world better (but not being too naive so that the world doesn't eat you alive) and learning to give people another chance is the huge theme of the story IMHO, and at times we reach the dark place with little hope left. That's when true heroes rise and give hope to the masses, leading to a (hopefully) satisfying conclusion. But, depending on people's choices, things might turn out one way or another, so we'll see what happens, I guess.
Last but definitely not least, I feel I should write down something about a recent subject matter which has its roots in the past.
I've been chatting with a few EoFFers (and other people), people I know I can count on when things get rough. So, after I saw certain entries in certain LJs (and after talking with a few people), I grew kinda worried about something. This is something I'd rather not bring up, but I'm a guy who wants closure, so I need to address the thing.
It has to do with Rei as well as the details about her "death" which I recall shocking many people. I remember always being kind of puzzled by its timing, just like Rubah's supposed pregnancy photo or Raist and Shorty lying about their ages, or Rye saying a couple of things, among many, many, many other messed up things from people I've seen on the internet over the years.
But the thing is that after I had chats with people who know more about this stuff than I do, it appears Rei may have faked her death due to rather...complicated reasons. I keep using the name Rei but that may not have been her (their ?) real name...it's hard to say for sure because it's so convoluted if it's true that there may have been more than one person or whatever.
I'm not someone who wants to speculate, but I did suspect something wasn't right. At the time I thought that maybe her parents were so strict that they set up an elaborate scheme to keep her off the net (ridiculous, I know, but I watched soap opera in my youth so sue me! xP), or something else happened, but I still wrote the somewhat skeptical eulogy for her in my LJ because I assumed that whatever happened, I'd likely never see her again (whether she died for real or just took another alias, and in the latter case she likely wouldn't ever befriend any of her old friends again due to fear of exposure or whatever).
I don't know what is supposed to be real in this mess, but either way...I think it'd be nice that, in case this has been an elaborate setup as a few people have suggested to me (and I thank them for providing me with the evidence, although I'm still wavering a bit; I suspected something weird back in 2004, but as usual, I can't be certain unless I have full proof of something, kind of like my relationship with religions now that I think of it), she should just come out and say it. Enough time has passed, and the past is the past, so I would appreciate certainty in this matter one way or another. Rei, if she(they?) actually is alive and is reading this LJ (the latter I find unlikely, but you never know because weirder things have happened...), wouldn't be the sort of person to keep people in the dark for too long unless that too was an act. Still, I want to think the best of people, which has often gotten me into trouble, but either way I just want closure to this one way or another. I've forgiven others who have pulled off similar stunts, so I see no reason why it couldn't happen now. And it would be nice to see her back at tGA too, considering the amount of lore she poured into it and which is STILL affecting the story almost a decade later. I have a feeling she might be proud of it if she visited the forums and the wiki now.
Then again, I'm probably overanalyzing things and should stop worrying about it, but when stuff like this pops up all of a sudden, it just makes me wonder about life and its meaning in general; maybe it'll influence my writing in a positive manner, maybe it's just existentialism for the sake of it. Whatever the truth of this matter is, Rei still was one of the first "foreign" (that is, outside Finland) people I befriended online, so she'll hold a place in my heart as a friend, and I thank her for being so supportive over the years we knew each other before she disappeared. Rei's humour, intelligence and kindness will be missed, and even with her flaws (as any of us has flaws), she left her mark on people.
With that being said, it's time to wrap up for now. I still have so many other things to write about, but that'll have to wait until later.
Yours,
Mikko