The Voice I Left (16\?)

[kotaruchan]

Title: The Voice I Left
Pairing: Pikame(slight Akame)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Summary: "I can hear you and love you.. I'm blind but it seems like you're the one who can't see me now. Now I want my voice to reach you again.."
Disclaimer: I only own the plot

Previous Chapters Here

New Chapter:



Not less than a minute, the hard stony floor and his body bumped into each other. The frail and shaky figure in front of him was shocked with tears trailing down his white skin. He pushed Jin away from him.

Unfortunately, that was the scene that Yamapi didn’t saw. His feet moved backward as fast as it can. Indigestion, something like that, that’s all he can feel now.

“Go away from me..” Kame whimpered hatefully as he brushed his tears away. Why the heck would Jin kiss him like that? Jin sighed with a hint of irritation. “What do you want me to do then? Leave you here all alone. Like I don’t know you?!” The tall guy growled in frustration as he hoisted his body in front of Kame.

The other guy licked his lips. “Yes..” He whispered not minding that he was crying in front of the other one.

Jin rolled his eyes in disbelief. Finally, he held Kame’s wrist with strength. “Where’s Ueda?” He asked in a serious tone not minding the smaller guy who was trying to escape his grip.

The small guy’s eyes widened in pain. “Ouch..” He didn’t realized it, but bruises were planted on that part of his body because of the harassment he was taking days ago.

Jin didn’t moved on his spot as he looked at Kame who weakened in soreness. He gently lowered his head to take a peek at Kame’s wrists.  Around it was black.

“What happened to you?”  Worriedness was obvious in his voice.

Kame didn’t mind that question instead he immediately changed the topic. “Don’t take me there!” Jin didn’t left his gaze on Kame’s hand. It made his blood boil just to think who did it.

They just continued to stroll along the streets, Jin forcing Kame to go with him and the younger guy dodging from it.

At last, they reached the car of Jin. In a quick moment, the other guy was already inside it and Jin was already driving the car.

“I said… DON’T TAKE ME THERE!” A demanding command was made by the other. Jin took a glance of him, damn, he was still crying.

“…I-I don’t want to hear him so worried about me..” He sobbed as he covered his mouth.

Jin shut his eyes and sighed. “If he won’t see you now, then I’m sure he’s going to be worried even more..” He protested with a hint of gentleness in his tone although all he received was a ‘no’.

“Then where the hell do you want to go?”

As that question reached Kame’s mind, he thought of it. He really wants to go to him. This is too pathetic. He always thinks of him, him and only him. The guy clutched his pants as a tear fell from his eyes. His world revolves, around that guy, the guy who doesn’t even care about him now.

“Oi Kame..” Jin was focusing on the road, still didn’t received a reply from the other.

“I don’t know..” He whispered with all his potency.

“You’re stupid..”

‘Yes I’m stupid..’ A conclusion gotten in his mind, saying it mentally.

The night was about to end. Even the stars and the moon that was providing light were gone and already covered with clouds. They reached Jin’s apartment.

Kame heard the engine stopped. “Where are we?”

But he didn’t get a reply. Jin grabbed him out of the car and directed him inside.

“Jin… I-I mean Akanishi.. Where are we?!” Now he said it with an indication of annoyance. At first, he felt a little shy when he said that name.

Jin just smiled at that statement although it hurts him somehow.

“In my apartment..” He replied dryly.

“Why did you took me here?! Stop this and bring me back there.. Why are you caring about me anyway!!?” Anger filled the atmosphere. Suddenly, a chuckle was heard at that room.

Jin pushed him towards the room. That’s the act that Kame can’t struggle with. He knows that Jin has more strength than him. “Just sleep there.. And don’t bring problems..” He stated seriously as he pressed Kame on the bed. “All you can do now is that.” He concluded and placed his body beside the other.

Kame just sighed in defeat. He still feels alone and he doesn’t even know why. The lights were turned off.

“Don’t rape me again..” Kame said in a serious manner even though it sounds like a joke. He tilted his head on the other side of the bed not facing Jin. Jin just continued to feel that moment. In every possible way, he feels so happy.

He smiled to his self unconsciously. Since when, did he smiled like this again?

After some seconds, a sudden question made Jin feel interrupted inside him. “How’s Johnny’s Entertainment?” Kame made his question more professional in a possible way.

“Hmm. Fine?” He said not really amused and he doesn’t even care.

“Ahhh.”

“Then how about the artists?” He gave Jin a question again. He knows in his heart what he really wants to ask Jin. That guy.

“Normal..” a short reply.

Jin assumed it. He must want to ask Yamapi from him, right?

“Yamapi’s doing great actually..”

That statement made his heart flutter a little. He beamed secretly as he crouched on the bed. Jin felt that the other one moved on his spot. His eyes stared at Kame.

‘You’re smiling, right?’ He said mentally while looking at the other guy. In some way, it gave him mixed emotions.

“So you really want to ask Yamapi, huh? You’re so cheesy Kazuya..” He teased.

Kame frowned and slowly faced the direction of Jin on the bed.

“Stop that!!” Kame blush faintly. “ I’m not..”

Suddenly, it got hold of Jin’s awareness. Kame was asking about Yamapi. Didn’t they live together? Aren’t they together anymore? Many questions popped inside his mind. Kame should know that and shouldn’t be asking about it. But as the image of what happened earlier in the hotel, it seems like it’s the total reverse. He felt so sad for that though.

“You’re not w-with him anymore?” Jin doesn’t know how to ask it in a nice method. He’s stupid anyway.

He saw the other guy’s eyes drowned to loneliness gradually.

“No..” a weak and soft voice made him bothered.

“Why?” Jin’s eyes furrowed. It somewhat gives him the wrong feeling.

Tears again.. It was threatening to fall down from his eyes, as he reminisced of every moment they had. It pains his heart even more. It remains eternally hurting inside his heart.

“I’m a burden to him…”

“Hah?” Jin was curious and anxious. Burden? That didn’t went inside his mind acceptably.

“You’re not.. I know you’re not.. Did he said that?”

Kame just nodded. It’s so hard for him to tell it all. Jin was so thoughtless to ask that. He really doesn’t think before making a move.

Jin thought of it. There’s something wrong about this. He knows that Yamapi won’t do that. He looked at Kame again; he promised to his self that he will surely solve this for him.

--

Johnny played the cellphone in his hands and he chuckled.

All of a sudden, a group of men entered his room. One of them has a really worried face. He took a step forward and prepared his self to talk to the man.

“Sir, Yamapi.. was”

Johnny scowled a bit. “What happened?”

“He saw Kame kissing with Jin Akanishi..” The guy was tensed. “..And now he’s in a bar getting drunk all by his self..”

An evil smile crept on his face, one way or another his plans are going as it is. “Then that’s good.”

The rest of the group was surprised. They thought that their boss would get angry about that, but their wrong.

“You can go now..” he commanded everybody as he gripped the phone in his hands and started typing.

--

When he opened his eyes at that moment, he thought the world was turning. He smirked heartbreakingly. A pathetic smile curled up on his face.

“Tch.. Kazuya..” He beamed again. Not knowing his self anymore. He felt so angry that he wants to cry. Rage was conquering his body. The bottles of beer were scattered on the table. It was a mess. He was a mess.

“What are you doing right now?” He singsong . He looked at Kame’s picture on his cellphone. “.Maybe you’re doing it now with him..” He doesn’t think of what he is saying right now because he was so drunk. He hid his eyes with his hands in loss.

Unexpectedly, his phone beeped mildly in his hands.

“From Kazuya”

He sniggered at his phone. “And now you’re texting me..” He ignored his phone at once and also his heart that is now throbbing in agony. He tapped his eyes in tiredness then ruffled his hair in frustration.

But the cellphone beeped again.

“Will you.. say sorry again? Say you love me? And you can’t live without me? Even if it hurts you.. Why are you continuing that.. Or are you making fun of me? Because you’re with Jin now?”  He was laughing alone like an idiot. Stupider than ever. Slowly, he raised the phone facing him. His eyes flickered uncertainly.

“I realized I love Jin.. Not you. I’m sorry.”

All of his conclusions were blown away at once.

Yes he said sorry, but it’s not the reason before anymore. His eyes were stuck on its spot and didn’t move for seconds. Is it true? What he is seeing now?

He took hold of his chest as he gulped and put the phone down. “What..” He can’t continue what he is trying to say. Everything around him feels like being destroyed in a manner no one else can see. The feeling of being suddenly loved turned into being dumped.

Yamapi never felt so weak like this before. He must be happy now.. Happy.

His strength was all seeped by that message just now. Here it goes again, going back to the moment that he first loved that guy.

Involuntarily, a tear fell from his eyes.

--

Jin left his apartment before Kame can see him. He controlled his car and decided to go to Johnny’s entertainment.  It was already morning.

The time his feet reached it, he quickly looked for that person. Johnny Kitagawa.

After minutes of walking around the rooms, he found his self still strolling along the big white walls. Johnny is nowhere to be found.

Jin frowned. “Damn, where is he?!” Snarling in frustration is all he can do now while ruffling his hair in aggravation.

All of a sudden, he saw a big room and heard a voice inside it.

“Hmm.. His new office?” He resolved his confusion and took a peek inside and licked his lips.

--

Yamapi just received the message minutes ago, but he’s already here, in front of his bestfriend’s apartment. He touched his head lightly. It seems like he still had that hangover as he felt a little dizzy.

“Jin..” He fisted his hands. Why will he invite him here? Yamapi thought that he just wanted to boast Kame to him. Also he doesn’t know why he came here in the first place. He coolly placed his hands inside his pockets and entered the apartment without knocking.

He’s so angry that time and he doesn’t know what he might do in frustration. He was rolling his eyes while remembering the message the other night. It’s just..it makes his blood sore.

Knowing Jin so much, he entered his room because he’s sure that he’s there, but to his surprise, someone else was there, sleeping.

“Kazuya..” his eyes widened and pained. Yamapi took a step backward. His feelings just can’t go nearer. It was pulling him back. It may be a chance to ask him but all of his nerves that time were so mad that he wants to crash Kame.

The door was nearby to close but Kame suddenly woke up.

“Uhm. Akanishi?” That voice touched his ear. He was stunned and he can’t move. The figure was moving in front of his bare eyes. How close were they? It’s been a long time since they had this close distance between them.

Kame rubbed his eyes although he felt a little weird. He feels a little tensed without a good reason.

Yamapi shook his head in a light manner. The sun reached the bed. It was so peaceful to see that view.

“So you’re living with him..” a plain statement started a new feeling for both of them. Kame just stayed like that. Is he really hearing that voice, he was yearning for? It echoed and it made his body energized and at the same time scared. Afraid of what may he be saying this time.

“Pi..” He whispered full of discomfort.

Yamapi tried to smile immorally. “Then congrats..” He licked his lips.

“Huh? No you’re wrong..”

“I’m wrong? Why? How?” He answered sarcastically with a hint of drama in his tone making the other guy scrawnier.

Kame reached for the end of the bed and tried to stand on the floor as he grasped for Yamapi. Successfully he reached him. Oh how he loved to touch this, even if it was a just a cold cloth he was holding into.

“I’m not with him.. I only love you-“

Suddenly a loud bang on the table near the door was heard. Yamapi kicked it in fury. Kame stopped with his movements and his eyes fell in deep fear.

The older guy chuckled. “Anyway Jin told me to come here..” Kame felt so grateful for that but it seems like it came all wrong now. “Maybe for me to meet his new boyfriend?” He beamed again as he changed the subject.

Even though Kame can’t see him, he can sense Yamapi. “I’m not..” he bawled.

“Stop denying already…” Yamapi grabbed him and gripped his hand.

“Ahh..” Kame winced in pain as he felt that the clamp was getting tighter. His hands were aching. “S-stop.”

Yamapi just looked at him emotionally. He just can’t let his movements stop. Why?

Kame cried. He felt his heart was drowning in suffering and hurt. Yamapi was the only one he loves but why is it so hard to show that?

“I..I don’t..”

“Stop talking if lies will just compose everything that you will say..” A serious tone reached Kame’s ear that made him not to fight his tears even more. Suddenly, his body met the cold floor as the guy pushed him hardly.

“I will never lie to you..” Kame can’t make his words coherent as possible. He curled up the sleeves of his shirt and touched his wrists lightly to endure the pain.

“You fucking liar..” Those words, why is it coming from his mouth? Yamapi was not looking at him that time. It is not possible to look at Kame. But all of a sudden his heart guided his eyes towards the other guy, he saw how tears left the other’s eyes. How weak he had become. He’s so dumb. Everytime he make those sentences it also hurts him. He can’t look directly into those eyes that prevent him from saying these. If only he can kill someone now, yes, he would definitely kill his head.

Suddenly, his vision was bothered by something. Kame’s hands were trembling in pain. How come he didn’t realized how his wrists were black?

Yamapi pushed him on the bed and look intently on those injured hands.

“Why do you always throw me away like this?” Kame sobbed. “You know? It hurts me to love you. But I just keep on doing it..” That revelation made Yamapi’s world halt. It’s gentler to hear it directly from Kame.

“And now you’re saying that I’m dating another person? I must be the dumbest person then.. because  I’m pleading like an idiot for you to love me back even though I already have someone else”  Kame blubbered even more. He just wanted to voice all of it now. This is a rare moment. Even though his heart was stabbing him he just let his self continue.

Those words hit him. He wants to believe that because it sounds like it’s really real. Yamapi closed his eyes as a tear fell down from his eyes. Hug and kiss, is that possible to happen right now? Because he really wants to do that to that person. But it’s impossible. His own mind is really troubling him.

He licked his lips and held Kame’s hand. It was injured but he doesn’t even know why.

“What happened to this?!” He didn’t lowered his voice. As much as possible he wanted to sound scary, although his eyes were not ,it will never be. He just thank God that Kame can’t see it.

Kame just felt that he would just give up. That voice, it was really irritated. He must just shut up, right?

“Nothing..” He gulped and just looked down.

Yamapi shut his eyes in annoyance.  “And now you’re making yourself pathetic so that I can pity you? Stop being like that.. It irritates me..”

He fisted his hands.

“Talk..” He commanded the smaller guy. “I said talk-“

“If you really hate me that much.. If you don’t want to see me so bad.. If it just irritates you and you want my presence to disappear…” Kame paused and looked down. “I’m going away from you.. You will never see me again.. I promise..” He dodged Yamapi’s hand away from him and cried.

His world halted in an instant as those words were given to him. Yamapi looked at Kame.

‘No..Please don’t..’ If only he could voice that but his mouth was not recommending it. He’s just so angry that he can’t help his self from hurting the other.

The door closed. He left again.

--

“Oi Johnny!!”

The old man furrowed his brows as the door revealed Jin Akanishi.

“Jin?” He asked in disbelief.

“In all possible ways the answer for that is, yes.”

“Don’t play dumb with me.” The man sneered and rolled his eyes, ignoring Jin.

The guy smirked. “You’re the one who’s stupid here.”

Johnny looked at him with intense eyes. “Tell me, what the hell are you doing here?”

Jin just frowned at him as he moved closer. “Then tell me, what are you planning?”

“What the heck are you talking about?”

Jin stood in front of the old man, making only the table a thing between them. He fisted his hands as he remembered Kame when he looked into the old man’s eyes.

“What are you planning with Pi?” Johnny didn’t move because of that question. His eyes widened.

He narrowed his eyes and trailed it towards Jin and gave him a killing look.

“Don’t give me that look it scares me..” A mocking answer made Johnny even more annoyed.

“Shut up and stay your fucking head out of this..” A serious and threatening reply was made.

Jin just sneered at him and raised one of his brows. He will never let this get away off him. “So, it’s really true.. My assumptions are really true..” He licked his lips while walking around the old man’s desk.

“And this thing has a connection with Kazuya, right?” He looked deeply in those eyes. Suddenly his mood changed.

Johnny gave him an evil look but he didn’t said anything.

Jin fisted his hands as it reached for the other’s collar. Now he was beating Johnny with his slicing stares. “Get your hands off him..” He cleared.

“Put me down Jin..”

All he received was a strong punch on the face.

“Goddamn you!” The man struggled from his hold. Out of the blue, a phone came out of Johnny’s pocket and it caught the attention of the younger guy.

“What’s this?” He took the cellphone from the floor.

Johnny’s eyes were surprised and tried to reach for the thing in Jin’s hands, but he failed.

“Give that back to me!!”

Jin’s jaws dropped as he realized the owner of the cellphone.

“Kazuya..”

Johnny rolled his eyes with the look that Jin was giving him. He was half irritated and half surprised. Jin scanned the whole cellphone. The inbox and the sent messages. It was all from and to Yamapi.

His eyes didn’t blink for a minute.

“Do you still have your own conscience?” In disbelief, he said that with rage.

Johnny didn’t answer him.

“No.. You don’t have those kind of things in you..” With hatred and astonishment he said that in a rough tone.

“By the way, I have to remind you Jin, did you left Kame all alone in the house?”

“No, he’s with Yamapi.” Jin turned his beam into a wicked one. Although the other man just gave him a fouler look.

“Really? Then why did my guards reported that they are with Kame now?” he smiled at the stunned figure on his side.

Precipitously, he stormed out of the room with the cellphone in his hands.

Johnny just laughed in the sound of amusement.

--

“Damn..Damn..Damn..” He was cursing his every step. He soon reached his car but something stopped him from starting it.

“Yamapi..” His vision blurred like it was lit with fire.

He stood in front of the guy.

“Jin? Tch.” Yamapi sniggered as those cold eyes reached his own. There was an extreme atmosphere now.

Jin bit his lower lip. “You left him there?” Yamapi just rolled his eyes. “Your boyfriend?” he said in a mordant tone.

Jin’s eyes enlarged. “HAH?!”

“I don’t care about him.. You can have him..” a plain reply was made by Yamapi.

Jin doesn’t know this feeling anymore. If this won’t stop something bad might happen. He knuckled his hands to prevent this wrath inside him as he breathed in severely. “You don’t know what you’re saying Yamapi, but you’ll regret it somehow..”

Yamapi just laughed half-heartedly. This feeling, he doesn’t want to feel this anymore.

At this time, Jin looked at the guy with unadorned eyes. “But I don’t have time now to fight with you.. Goodbye.” In a swift move he walked away from his old friend. He needs to save Kame. Since, that’s the all he can do now. If he’ll explain it all to Yamapi it will take a long time.

--

The wind was the only thing he can feel. That was the feeling of being ruined again. He twisted  his body on the soft bed.

“I love you.. Why c-can’t you just see it?” Kame sobbed. It always happens like this. Since when was the day he didn’t cried? This was a part of his daily routine already.

Apparently, the door unlocked in a rough manner making him nervous again.

“Yamapi?” Oh how he wished it was really that guy. Kame sat on the top of the bed while backing away a little.

The footsteps can be heard slowly but it was so scary. It can melt him anytime.

“I-Is it you J-jin?” He touched one of the pillows and hugged it in front of him. The frightening part of all is the thought that he can’t see anything.

Suddenly someone grabbed him. Those were the chilly hands he was afraid at.

“I thought..” a croaky voice whispered on his ear. “You’re going to pay your ex-boyfriend’s debt? Why are you not coming to us now?”

Kame’s mouth can’t make any noise. He gulped in deeply as he clutched the sheets of the bed.

“I-I’m sorry.. I-I was taken away by my friend that’s why..” Kame can’t battle his tears away. “I can’t come…” His voice was frailer than ever.

The guy smirked. “Then let’s do it now.” He touched Kame on the face.

He doesn’t want this. It gives him all the bad feelings a person can have. The touches were so painful that it burns his heart away. Especially, when he thinks of Yamapi. A tear dropped down his face. Kame sniffed. When will all of this stop?

--

He reached his apartment with hard breathing.  Jin went out of his car when a black car met his vision. He ruffled his hair and kicked the wheel of his car when he saw how the door messily opened.

His feet and his whole body raged and ran as fast as it can.

“Damn you Pi.” The door banged.

It revealed a scene he really doesn’t wants to see. There was Kame being topped with a stranger. He saw how he struggled. How his tears slowly fell down from those eyes. And how they harassed his poor skin.

“Darn..”

Kame blinked when he heard that voice. It was from Jin, right?

“GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF HIM!!!” He looked down giving out all his annoyance. Immediately, the other guards outside the room handcuffed his hands.

“What the hell-“ He looked at his hands still surprised. Then he looked at the bed again. He saw Kame with a pleading face.

“Go away..Please..” That message was directed to him.

“Huh?”

“I need to do this for Pi…”

Those were the last words he heard from Kame and all of his surrounding turned black. ‘Why the hell is Yamapi involved with this??’ he thought.

A/N: Oh gosh. I’ve been writing the next chapter now! And I’m going to finish it. I hope you liked this. J