take me to paradise
take me to paradise
~ 3,550 w, pg-13, (nana/jaejoong)
it feels like the long-overdue ending of her romance story, only it’s not the happily ever after every girl has been wishing for.
■ in response to silentlybelieve "in fairy tales, when the mask came off, the handsome prince still loved the girl, no matter what - and that alone turned her into a princess"
■ dedicated to harues and uljima, you guys seriously need to write more jaenana
■ I feel like it's kind of cliche tbh :/
■ if you don't ship jaenana then I suggest you start now cause they will make flawless babies in the future
Nana pretends it’s not happening for three days but soon enough, the outside world catches up and reality got a hold of her. It is just headlines on tabloids, stories on the news, flyers taking up residence in the morning air, chasing after her until she can no longer escape it.
She presses her hand against the grainy photograph of the crown princess, caressing the side of her replica cheek as she takes her first deep breathe.
She has been living at the hotel for over two weeks. It’s snowing all over and the heater’s broken.
Nana lies still in the bed, staring at the droplets of water leaking through the crack ceilings. The wallpaper is barely there anymore, just multiple stripes of beige all around. The room’s a wreck, she thinks and rolls over, no one will come looking for her, not at a place like this.
It's late, dark blue outside the torn up curtains. There’s a satellite dish on the building nearby, she likes think that’s the moon and the white dots, those must be the stars.
If only she can get closer, if only.
When she finally climbs out of bed, Nana knows it’s time for a change and dyes her hair, blonde tresses full and long and wild. She lines her eyes darkly; her stare turns a little colder. She feels lighter, more alive than she’s ever been. The mirror shows her what she’s always wanted to be - an ordinary girl.
Nana takes off her cream-colored monolos and white dress and walks naked into the shower. She stands under the hot water until her bare flesh turns red, writing her goodbyes on the steam covered glass.
When she re-emerges dripping wet, something in Nana changes or so, she likes to think.
They come when she least expected.
Nana wakes hazily, for a moment still caught in a dream and unsure of what’s happening. There’s the pounding of the doors and incoming footsteps, the first sign that misery has found a way to invade her peace.
She stands frozen in the room for a moment, heart pounding so loudly that she's terrified that they will hear and come tearing down the carpeted floors in search of her. There’s not enough time for anything but running so Nana throws on her coat, hand trembling as one hand fumbles with the buttons and the other struggling to turn the window lock.
The light pools in the pitched black room and Nana knows anxiety has finally broken into her sanctuary.
She doesn't even pause to think about what happens now; out the window and down the fire escape ladder she goes.
A part of her knows she’s awake but Nana doesn’t open her eyes, instead she shuts it tighter because the bed sheet feels too soft, the pillow under her head is too feathery and the room’s all too warm to exist in a shabby hotel.
“Is the light irritating your eyes?”
The male’s voice, warm and low. This isn’t the prestige kingdom she was born and raised in. Her caramel brown flutters open to meet the onyx black ones.
The brunette stares at her when she sits up, blinking in surprise. He rearranges his feature slightly, trying to fool her that he hasn’t been waiting for her to wake up. Jin Ah moves away slightly, knuckles turning white from gripping the sheet so tight. His eyes glaze over her, full of concern and that frightens her more than anything she has ever experienced.
Finally, he says, “I’ll get you some water.”
His stare lingers when he stands. It’s only when he makes the turn in the corner that the moment is lost and she’s alone in his bed, million things running through her mind: Who is he? How did she get here? Did he report her?
He’s back in the chair besides the bed before she could think any further and hands her a glass of water, fingers brushing against her wrist.
He looks at her for a long moment. She doesn't move.
“Sorry if I scared you before,” he murmurs, fiddling with his thumbs, “Kim Jaejoong. What’s your name?”
She lets out an awed breathe; he doesn’t know who she is.
“Uh…,” Nana has a momentary flash of utter panic, “Jin Ah - Im Jin Ah”
Jaejoong looks at her strangely, “You’ve got a pretty name, familiar but pretty.”
She nods before finding her voice. “Yeah, I guess.”
“I think you had a little slipping accident with that ladder there,” he says, nodding at the direction of the piece of rusty piece of metal she recalls descending down. “The fall isn’t bad or anything, just a couple of bruises here and there, nothing serious, but it was loud enough to wake me up so yeah,” he grimaced a little, clasping his hand together, “Here we are.”
Nana nods slowly, processing in his words of explanation.
“Thank you,” she whispers then takes a gulp of the water, “For not leaving me there.”
He chuckles under his breath and it warms all the parts of her that have been cold for months. “No person in their right mind would leave a possible dead girl on their balcony.”
Nana is trying her best to stamp down her uneasiness.
“So what’s your story?” he asks with an air of casualness. “Don’t like doors?”
“No,” she smiles a little, shaking her head, “It’s nothing like that.”
Jaejoong grin widens. “Then what? Got a fear for the doorknobs” he question, eyebrow arches minutely, a tiny gesture that reveals his amusement. “They don’t bite, just so you know.”
Her laugh is loud and free and it feels utterly foreign, even to her. “No, no!” she denies in between
laughter, covering her flushing face with her hands. “I - I just really had to get out of my room.”
“Are you that princess they’ve been asking for or something?
She stares pensively at the skyline for the briefest of moments before she says, “Yeah, something like that.”
The warmness within him is drained, now there’s no acceptance in his eyes, only conflict and fear but there’s kindness somewhere within him, only it’s dim - like the flicker of hope she’s got left to hold onto.
“You need to go,” he says carefully, backing away from her slowly, as if he doesn't think she'll notice. “I won’t report you but you need to get out of here, now.”
And just like that he blows out her candle of faith.
Jaejoong takes the cab to the city without his coat or her royal highness. For a couple of days now, there has been all kind of news on the crown princess alarming disappearance. No one can walk a block without seeing a picture of her taped up somewhere - Im Nana is all over the street, now she’s all over his hotel, in his room, on his bed.
Her glamorous bubble of champagnes and big puffy dresses, he wonders if it had burst. It doesn’t matter either way, Jaejoong thinks, she’s a royal, she belongs behind the white castle’s walls in the fairy tale land.
When he steps foot out of the taxi, the first thing he sees is her picture and knows she’s the only thing in this town yet to be wrecked by life.
There’s a moment when he unlocks his door and half-expects her to be sitting there under his sheet but she’s gone.
He ambles over to his night stand and turns on the lamp. There’s a crisply white envelope lying there with a cursive writing of her name neatly imprinted on it. Jaejoong contemplates getting rid of it, ripping it to shred and throwing it away before they could come knocking at his door, demanding for the crown princess. A little in his voice tells him otherwise and lays out the harm of reading her letter, there’s none.
The first thing he notices is that the letters are perfect and petite, truly like a princess. Then there’s the patch of dried tears, he tries his hardest to ignore her sadness and read on.
Jaejoong’s half-way to finishing her letter when the knowledge that he's made a mistake he's likely to regret for the rest of his life washes over him.
With the piece of paper still in his hand, Jaejoong sprints down the hallway and to the closet elevator. Feeling overwhelmed with the what ‘if’ factor of her already being gone, he punches the ‘down’ key so
violently that his fingers begin to feel a stinging pain.
The floor numbers ascend so painfully slow that it almost brings him to tears when the doors finally open.
Jaejoong looks up, ready to bolt into the small spaced area when Nana walks out and into him, blinking in surprise. His eyes glaze over the blonde with tenderness, his fists clenched and resisting the urge to pull her into his arms.
He's never been more happy to see someone in his life and Jaejoong doesn't dare to think about love or first sight.
“You came back,” he breathes.
He suppresses the urge to laugh when she stares at him in guilt, clearly embarrassed for being caught back here again. “I - I forgot my coat, i -is it okay if I just get that? I promise I won’t show up here again.”
“Go ahead and get your coat,” he says, hand wrap around her wrist and pulling her along, back to his room, “We’re going out for breakfast.”
It’s pouring rain; they huddle under Jaejoong’s small umbrella that’s barely shielding them for anything. She hears him mumble something about a car when they cross the road; water splashing everywhere as they go.
There’s a neon blue sign ahead that says DINER, he points to it and say something. Nana doesn’t hear a word of it because the traffic noise drowns everything else out so she just follows his lead.
“Private enough?” he asks, not really wanting an answer.
Nana’s eyes darts about the room, looking for any possible hint of recognition but all there are in this place is an old couple, a teenage boy taking orders and a woman in her late forties at the counter, who she suspects, is the manager of the diner.
They sit down in one of the ‘for-two’ booth. Jaejoong shakes his head a little, trying to get the rain out while she looks down at her hands nervously, dreading what he’s going to say next.
A long moment passes.
And then, he’s roaring with laughter, and her eyes snap up to meet his, expecting an acerbic smile but instead it’s soft and genuine, there’s light dancing in his eyes when he speaks, “You must be cold, I’ll order two black coffee, if that’s alright with you.”
She says nothing.
He clears his throat a little. “I read your letter.”
Again, she says nothing.
“I’m sorry about telling you to go and about,” there’s a pause where he averts his eyes to his pocket, where the letter lies sopping wet. “That”
The high school boy comes and takes their order, suspiciously eying her in the process of jotting down two black coffee then promptly leave, making his way back to the kitchen.
Nana pulls the scarf from her hair and her curls fall messily around her shoulders. “Just…what are you going to do with me now?”
Jaejoong stares at her, with such ineffable passion that her chest feels like exploding. “You’re going to stay with me, Nana.”
He holds her hand in his and there's something strangely comforting about that.
Night has just begun to fall when Jaejoong comes out of the bathroom and says teasingly, “Are you planning on wearing my shirts on daily basis?”
Nana jumps a little, startled and he chuckles lowly at this, striding over to where the mirror is. From the couch, she watches him struggle with his black tie. On its own accord, her eyes start wander, lingering on the curve of his cheekbones, let’s her gaze trace the hollows beneath his electric, mesmerizing eyes. He’s handsome; Nana thinks to herself and pushes herself off the couch.
He looks at her through the reflection, “See anything you like?”
“No,” she says, biting her lips, trying not to smile and failing miserably. “It’s the tie.”
Jaejoong mouths an ‘oh’ then says, “I never could do it properly. Tie wasn’t a part of my school uniform.”
“Mine either,” Nana whispers and listens to his husky laugh, sliding through the gap between him and the vanity. “And I can still do it properly,” she says with a proud smile, bringing the wide end down through the knot in the front.
“There”
“Pretty good at it too.”
His sucks in a breath, dropping his gaze suddenly. Nana finds it difficult to meet him in the eye without wanting to leap into his arms, so she withdraws her hands, taking a reluctant step away from him.
He leaves after that and takes four hours to get back. Nana spends that time sniffing his shirt and missing him.
She thinks sadly that she should have known this would happen.
They fall into a pattern. Brunch at the diner empty of people, a walk around the city once or twice a week, take out for dinners - sometimes McDonald only because she’s never had any before, he leaves for work at ten-ish and she waits up for him, feigning when he slips in next to her.
Jaejoong will plant kisses on her forehead and strokes her hair and Nana will pretend she doesn’t know, like how she’s pretending she’s not a little bit in love with him.
Sometimes he wakes up at five in the morning and sit by the window, watching the cider sky and think about his misfortune of giving his heart over to a girl who can’t give hers back in return.
Jaejoong imagines the same thing every single night - he would sneak out of bed and lock himself in the bathroom with his phone then call the police, the palace, the government, anyone to come and get her. He’d kiss her on the lips for the first and last time, it will be bittersweet but he wouldn’t have to see her tears or hear her cry because by the time Nana wakes up, she’ll be in a car with some guard, on her way back to her happy ending.
It will be painless for her. (but painful for him.)
She’ll get married to that prince her parents had engaged her to, the one she’s been hiding from. The wedding will be broadcast all over the country; Jaejoong will watch her from his small tv screen and allow his heart to break into pieces. There will be a smile on her face, letting him know she has finally found true happiness and wave to the camera before it pans away to her loving citizen.
He’s never been a man of action, only words; Jaejoong thinks and holds her close by the waist.
After two months, Nana finally asks, “What do you do?”
He’s struggles with his necktie, as per usual and she’s lending him a helping hand, as per usual.
Jaejoong takes an unintentional step backward, terrified. They’ve been tip-toing around it for so long that he never thought it would happen - Nana is trying to be less of his fantasy and more of his reality.
“I - uh -“ he begins but doesn’t know how to continue, “Does it matter, Nana?”
She hangs his head. “Maybe not then.”
Jaejoong nods and walk out the door in such a rush that he might as well be running.
They don’t talk for three days.
In the early hours of the fourth morning, she whispers, “I’m sorry.”
And then, her lips are on his, and Jaejoong doesn't have time to react, doesn’t have the strength to wrench away from her, because he knows he’s been longing for this moment his whole life.
This is all they’ll ever be, just a kiss in the dark, wrong and passionate.
“What would you be if you weren’t a princess?”
He asks her one day when they’re washing dishes.
She's quiet for a long moment, obviously weighing her options. “It depends.”
“On what?” he asks, handing her a freshly washed plate to dry.
“Depends on,” she sounds unsure, a little scared as she presses against him, leaving him no choice but to acknowledge her. “If I would have met you or not.”
As terrified as he is right now, Jaejoong doesn't move away. He just holds on tighter and prays she will be the first to break away. “If you haven’t?”
“A photographer.”
He swallows, unable to stop himself from looking at her lips, which are hovering tantalizingly over his.
“And if you have?”
Her lower lip trembles. “Then I would be with you.”
Only if there’s no if when it comes to them.
It’s the first time Jaejoong brings her to his work, that’s when she finds out he sings in a band and perform at a pub every second night, rehearse every other day. One minute she's smiling from the front table, overwhelmed with happiness in the red gown he picked out especially for her, then the next, a group of men is thrashing the place and she’s hiding under the table with heels in her hands.
It feels like the long-overdue ending of her romance story, only it’s not the happily ever after every girl has been wishing for.
Jaejoong finds her before they do and just look at her, his face inches from hers, eyes hard, holding her gaze like it might be the last time he will ever get to look at her. And then, he pulls away, brushes a hand to her cheek for a fragment of a second then disappears, easy like that.
She trembles and feels like she just lost something she had never rightfully owned in the first place.
(His heart)
Nana pounds at his door (their door) furiously, she ignores the stares of the people she had woken up and goes on knocking until her knuckles bleed.
The door cracks open and he hauls her in, gripping her hands tightly before she could hit him. There are things she wanted to say to him, the never ending questions and insults that had been forming inside her head during the terrifying trip back to him.
But she doesn't say anything. She can't say anything. All she does is cry and all he does is watch.
She throws herself in his arms and holding him tightly, hoping that Jaejoong can absorb some of her horrific pain.
There are no hands interlaced or bodies intertwined under his sheet. There's only silence, and fear, and the knowledge that they will come bursting through the door any minute now to take her far, far away.
You should go back.
He whispers these words into the darkness and Nana doesn’t think he knows the extent of pain he’s putting her through.
Something inside her rip.
“No, no,” she stumbles out of bed, backing away until her back hits the wall. “You don’t mean that.”
Jaejoong doesn’t make a move to get up and follow her. He lies still on his back, eyes on the ceiling and hands folded on his stomach. She’s undecided about what scares her more - returning to her crown princess duty or him urging her to do so.
“You don’t belong here with me, Nana,” he says ever so softly, as if comforting a child. “You belong to the people -“
Nana’s bounding across the room, ready to hush him when she trips at the feet off the bed. “Please,” she groans in pain, “Don’t say anymore, please, Jaejoo -“
But he barrels on, determined to get this all out before she stops him.
“I can’t keep you here with me, in this room.” He says with urgency in his voice, finally sitting up. “There are people out there who need you more than I do. We’ve had months to ourselves, the memories are enough to last a life time.”
She shakes her head and grips the sheet more tightly, nails digging into the white as her tears seeps through it. “It will never be enough.”
Jaejoong comes to her side and crouches down next to her on the floor. “I’m not a prince, Nana but you, you are a princess.”
Suddenly her fear dissolves.
She sits up and presses her lips to his, breathing him in. Jaejoong cradles her face in his hands, pulling her closer and crushing her to his chest instead of pushing her away. The longer Nana kisses him, the easier it is to believe that she and him could stay like this forever.
When they pull away, Jaejoong says the only thing there is left to be said. “I love you”
And just like that, Nana discovers that they’ve been wrong all this time. In fairy tales, when the mask came off, the handsome prince still loved the girl, no matter what - and that alone turned her into a princess
Nana’s never truly been a princess until now.
On a Sunday morning, two men under government duty enters room 359 of Hotel Savoy and finds two lifeless bodies lying side by side on the bed, hands almost touching.
There’s a happy ending somewhere in there, they’d like to think.
~ 3,550 w, pg-13, (nana/jaejoong)
it feels like the long-overdue ending of her romance story, only it’s not the happily ever after every girl has been wishing for.
■ in response to silentlybelieve "in fairy tales, when the mask came off, the handsome prince still loved the girl, no matter what - and that alone turned her into a princess"
■ dedicated to harues and uljima, you guys seriously need to write more jaenana
■ I feel like it's kind of cliche tbh :/
■ if you don't ship jaenana then I suggest you start now cause they will make flawless babies in the future
Nana pretends it’s not happening for three days but soon enough, the outside world catches up and reality got a hold of her. It is just headlines on tabloids, stories on the news, flyers taking up residence in the morning air, chasing after her until she can no longer escape it.
She presses her hand against the grainy photograph of the crown princess, caressing the side of her replica cheek as she takes her first deep breathe.
She has been living at the hotel for over two weeks. It’s snowing all over and the heater’s broken.
Nana lies still in the bed, staring at the droplets of water leaking through the crack ceilings. The wallpaper is barely there anymore, just multiple stripes of beige all around. The room’s a wreck, she thinks and rolls over, no one will come looking for her, not at a place like this.
It's late, dark blue outside the torn up curtains. There’s a satellite dish on the building nearby, she likes think that’s the moon and the white dots, those must be the stars.
If only she can get closer, if only.
When she finally climbs out of bed, Nana knows it’s time for a change and dyes her hair, blonde tresses full and long and wild. She lines her eyes darkly; her stare turns a little colder. She feels lighter, more alive than she’s ever been. The mirror shows her what she’s always wanted to be - an ordinary girl.
Nana takes off her cream-colored monolos and white dress and walks naked into the shower. She stands under the hot water until her bare flesh turns red, writing her goodbyes on the steam covered glass.
When she re-emerges dripping wet, something in Nana changes or so, she likes to think.
They come when she least expected.
Nana wakes hazily, for a moment still caught in a dream and unsure of what’s happening. There’s the pounding of the doors and incoming footsteps, the first sign that misery has found a way to invade her peace.
She stands frozen in the room for a moment, heart pounding so loudly that she's terrified that they will hear and come tearing down the carpeted floors in search of her. There’s not enough time for anything but running so Nana throws on her coat, hand trembling as one hand fumbles with the buttons and the other struggling to turn the window lock.
The light pools in the pitched black room and Nana knows anxiety has finally broken into her sanctuary.
She doesn't even pause to think about what happens now; out the window and down the fire escape ladder she goes.
A part of her knows she’s awake but Nana doesn’t open her eyes, instead she shuts it tighter because the bed sheet feels too soft, the pillow under her head is too feathery and the room’s all too warm to exist in a shabby hotel.
“Is the light irritating your eyes?”
The male’s voice, warm and low. This isn’t the prestige kingdom she was born and raised in. Her caramel brown flutters open to meet the onyx black ones.
The brunette stares at her when she sits up, blinking in surprise. He rearranges his feature slightly, trying to fool her that he hasn’t been waiting for her to wake up. Jin Ah moves away slightly, knuckles turning white from gripping the sheet so tight. His eyes glaze over her, full of concern and that frightens her more than anything she has ever experienced.
Finally, he says, “I’ll get you some water.”
His stare lingers when he stands. It’s only when he makes the turn in the corner that the moment is lost and she’s alone in his bed, million things running through her mind: Who is he? How did she get here? Did he report her?
He’s back in the chair besides the bed before she could think any further and hands her a glass of water, fingers brushing against her wrist.
He looks at her for a long moment. She doesn't move.
“Sorry if I scared you before,” he murmurs, fiddling with his thumbs, “Kim Jaejoong. What’s your name?”
She lets out an awed breathe; he doesn’t know who she is.
“Uh…,” Nana has a momentary flash of utter panic, “Jin Ah - Im Jin Ah”
Jaejoong looks at her strangely, “You’ve got a pretty name, familiar but pretty.”
She nods before finding her voice. “Yeah, I guess.”
“I think you had a little slipping accident with that ladder there,” he says, nodding at the direction of the piece of rusty piece of metal she recalls descending down. “The fall isn’t bad or anything, just a couple of bruises here and there, nothing serious, but it was loud enough to wake me up so yeah,” he grimaced a little, clasping his hand together, “Here we are.”
Nana nods slowly, processing in his words of explanation.
“Thank you,” she whispers then takes a gulp of the water, “For not leaving me there.”
He chuckles under his breath and it warms all the parts of her that have been cold for months. “No person in their right mind would leave a possible dead girl on their balcony.”
Nana is trying her best to stamp down her uneasiness.
“So what’s your story?” he asks with an air of casualness. “Don’t like doors?”
“No,” she smiles a little, shaking her head, “It’s nothing like that.”
Jaejoong grin widens. “Then what? Got a fear for the doorknobs” he question, eyebrow arches minutely, a tiny gesture that reveals his amusement. “They don’t bite, just so you know.”
Her laugh is loud and free and it feels utterly foreign, even to her. “No, no!” she denies in between
laughter, covering her flushing face with her hands. “I - I just really had to get out of my room.”
“Are you that princess they’ve been asking for or something?
She stares pensively at the skyline for the briefest of moments before she says, “Yeah, something like that.”
The warmness within him is drained, now there’s no acceptance in his eyes, only conflict and fear but there’s kindness somewhere within him, only it’s dim - like the flicker of hope she’s got left to hold onto.
“You need to go,” he says carefully, backing away from her slowly, as if he doesn't think she'll notice. “I won’t report you but you need to get out of here, now.”
And just like that he blows out her candle of faith.
Jaejoong takes the cab to the city without his coat or her royal highness. For a couple of days now, there has been all kind of news on the crown princess alarming disappearance. No one can walk a block without seeing a picture of her taped up somewhere - Im Nana is all over the street, now she’s all over his hotel, in his room, on his bed.
Her glamorous bubble of champagnes and big puffy dresses, he wonders if it had burst. It doesn’t matter either way, Jaejoong thinks, she’s a royal, she belongs behind the white castle’s walls in the fairy tale land.
When he steps foot out of the taxi, the first thing he sees is her picture and knows she’s the only thing in this town yet to be wrecked by life.
There’s a moment when he unlocks his door and half-expects her to be sitting there under his sheet but she’s gone.
He ambles over to his night stand and turns on the lamp. There’s a crisply white envelope lying there with a cursive writing of her name neatly imprinted on it. Jaejoong contemplates getting rid of it, ripping it to shred and throwing it away before they could come knocking at his door, demanding for the crown princess. A little in his voice tells him otherwise and lays out the harm of reading her letter, there’s none.
The first thing he notices is that the letters are perfect and petite, truly like a princess. Then there’s the patch of dried tears, he tries his hardest to ignore her sadness and read on.
Jaejoong’s half-way to finishing her letter when the knowledge that he's made a mistake he's likely to regret for the rest of his life washes over him.
With the piece of paper still in his hand, Jaejoong sprints down the hallway and to the closet elevator. Feeling overwhelmed with the what ‘if’ factor of her already being gone, he punches the ‘down’ key so
violently that his fingers begin to feel a stinging pain.
The floor numbers ascend so painfully slow that it almost brings him to tears when the doors finally open.
Jaejoong looks up, ready to bolt into the small spaced area when Nana walks out and into him, blinking in surprise. His eyes glaze over the blonde with tenderness, his fists clenched and resisting the urge to pull her into his arms.
He's never been more happy to see someone in his life and Jaejoong doesn't dare to think about love or first sight.
“You came back,” he breathes.
He suppresses the urge to laugh when she stares at him in guilt, clearly embarrassed for being caught back here again. “I - I forgot my coat, i -is it okay if I just get that? I promise I won’t show up here again.”
“Go ahead and get your coat,” he says, hand wrap around her wrist and pulling her along, back to his room, “We’re going out for breakfast.”
It’s pouring rain; they huddle under Jaejoong’s small umbrella that’s barely shielding them for anything. She hears him mumble something about a car when they cross the road; water splashing everywhere as they go.
There’s a neon blue sign ahead that says DINER, he points to it and say something. Nana doesn’t hear a word of it because the traffic noise drowns everything else out so she just follows his lead.
“Private enough?” he asks, not really wanting an answer.
Nana’s eyes darts about the room, looking for any possible hint of recognition but all there are in this place is an old couple, a teenage boy taking orders and a woman in her late forties at the counter, who she suspects, is the manager of the diner.
They sit down in one of the ‘for-two’ booth. Jaejoong shakes his head a little, trying to get the rain out while she looks down at her hands nervously, dreading what he’s going to say next.
A long moment passes.
And then, he’s roaring with laughter, and her eyes snap up to meet his, expecting an acerbic smile but instead it’s soft and genuine, there’s light dancing in his eyes when he speaks, “You must be cold, I’ll order two black coffee, if that’s alright with you.”
She says nothing.
He clears his throat a little. “I read your letter.”
Again, she says nothing.
“I’m sorry about telling you to go and about,” there’s a pause where he averts his eyes to his pocket, where the letter lies sopping wet. “That”
The high school boy comes and takes their order, suspiciously eying her in the process of jotting down two black coffee then promptly leave, making his way back to the kitchen.
Nana pulls the scarf from her hair and her curls fall messily around her shoulders. “Just…what are you going to do with me now?”
Jaejoong stares at her, with such ineffable passion that her chest feels like exploding. “You’re going to stay with me, Nana.”
He holds her hand in his and there's something strangely comforting about that.
Night has just begun to fall when Jaejoong comes out of the bathroom and says teasingly, “Are you planning on wearing my shirts on daily basis?”
Nana jumps a little, startled and he chuckles lowly at this, striding over to where the mirror is. From the couch, she watches him struggle with his black tie. On its own accord, her eyes start wander, lingering on the curve of his cheekbones, let’s her gaze trace the hollows beneath his electric, mesmerizing eyes. He’s handsome; Nana thinks to herself and pushes herself off the couch.
He looks at her through the reflection, “See anything you like?”
“No,” she says, biting her lips, trying not to smile and failing miserably. “It’s the tie.”
Jaejoong mouths an ‘oh’ then says, “I never could do it properly. Tie wasn’t a part of my school uniform.”
“Mine either,” Nana whispers and listens to his husky laugh, sliding through the gap between him and the vanity. “And I can still do it properly,” she says with a proud smile, bringing the wide end down through the knot in the front.
“There”
“Pretty good at it too.”
His sucks in a breath, dropping his gaze suddenly. Nana finds it difficult to meet him in the eye without wanting to leap into his arms, so she withdraws her hands, taking a reluctant step away from him.
He leaves after that and takes four hours to get back. Nana spends that time sniffing his shirt and missing him.
She thinks sadly that she should have known this would happen.
They fall into a pattern. Brunch at the diner empty of people, a walk around the city once or twice a week, take out for dinners - sometimes McDonald only because she’s never had any before, he leaves for work at ten-ish and she waits up for him, feigning when he slips in next to her.
Jaejoong will plant kisses on her forehead and strokes her hair and Nana will pretend she doesn’t know, like how she’s pretending she’s not a little bit in love with him.
Sometimes he wakes up at five in the morning and sit by the window, watching the cider sky and think about his misfortune of giving his heart over to a girl who can’t give hers back in return.
Jaejoong imagines the same thing every single night - he would sneak out of bed and lock himself in the bathroom with his phone then call the police, the palace, the government, anyone to come and get her. He’d kiss her on the lips for the first and last time, it will be bittersweet but he wouldn’t have to see her tears or hear her cry because by the time Nana wakes up, she’ll be in a car with some guard, on her way back to her happy ending.
It will be painless for her. (but painful for him.)
She’ll get married to that prince her parents had engaged her to, the one she’s been hiding from. The wedding will be broadcast all over the country; Jaejoong will watch her from his small tv screen and allow his heart to break into pieces. There will be a smile on her face, letting him know she has finally found true happiness and wave to the camera before it pans away to her loving citizen.
He’s never been a man of action, only words; Jaejoong thinks and holds her close by the waist.
After two months, Nana finally asks, “What do you do?”
He’s struggles with his necktie, as per usual and she’s lending him a helping hand, as per usual.
Jaejoong takes an unintentional step backward, terrified. They’ve been tip-toing around it for so long that he never thought it would happen - Nana is trying to be less of his fantasy and more of his reality.
“I - uh -“ he begins but doesn’t know how to continue, “Does it matter, Nana?”
She hangs his head. “Maybe not then.”
Jaejoong nods and walk out the door in such a rush that he might as well be running.
They don’t talk for three days.
In the early hours of the fourth morning, she whispers, “I’m sorry.”
And then, her lips are on his, and Jaejoong doesn't have time to react, doesn’t have the strength to wrench away from her, because he knows he’s been longing for this moment his whole life.
This is all they’ll ever be, just a kiss in the dark, wrong and passionate.
“What would you be if you weren’t a princess?”
He asks her one day when they’re washing dishes.
She's quiet for a long moment, obviously weighing her options. “It depends.”
“On what?” he asks, handing her a freshly washed plate to dry.
“Depends on,” she sounds unsure, a little scared as she presses against him, leaving him no choice but to acknowledge her. “If I would have met you or not.”
As terrified as he is right now, Jaejoong doesn't move away. He just holds on tighter and prays she will be the first to break away. “If you haven’t?”
“A photographer.”
He swallows, unable to stop himself from looking at her lips, which are hovering tantalizingly over his.
“And if you have?”
Her lower lip trembles. “Then I would be with you.”
Only if there’s no if when it comes to them.
It’s the first time Jaejoong brings her to his work, that’s when she finds out he sings in a band and perform at a pub every second night, rehearse every other day. One minute she's smiling from the front table, overwhelmed with happiness in the red gown he picked out especially for her, then the next, a group of men is thrashing the place and she’s hiding under the table with heels in her hands.
It feels like the long-overdue ending of her romance story, only it’s not the happily ever after every girl has been wishing for.
Jaejoong finds her before they do and just look at her, his face inches from hers, eyes hard, holding her gaze like it might be the last time he will ever get to look at her. And then, he pulls away, brushes a hand to her cheek for a fragment of a second then disappears, easy like that.
She trembles and feels like she just lost something she had never rightfully owned in the first place.
(His heart)
Nana pounds at his door (their door) furiously, she ignores the stares of the people she had woken up and goes on knocking until her knuckles bleed.
The door cracks open and he hauls her in, gripping her hands tightly before she could hit him. There are things she wanted to say to him, the never ending questions and insults that had been forming inside her head during the terrifying trip back to him.
But she doesn't say anything. She can't say anything. All she does is cry and all he does is watch.
She throws herself in his arms and holding him tightly, hoping that Jaejoong can absorb some of her horrific pain.
There are no hands interlaced or bodies intertwined under his sheet. There's only silence, and fear, and the knowledge that they will come bursting through the door any minute now to take her far, far away.
You should go back.
He whispers these words into the darkness and Nana doesn’t think he knows the extent of pain he’s putting her through.
Something inside her rip.
“No, no,” she stumbles out of bed, backing away until her back hits the wall. “You don’t mean that.”
Jaejoong doesn’t make a move to get up and follow her. He lies still on his back, eyes on the ceiling and hands folded on his stomach. She’s undecided about what scares her more - returning to her crown princess duty or him urging her to do so.
“You don’t belong here with me, Nana,” he says ever so softly, as if comforting a child. “You belong to the people -“
Nana’s bounding across the room, ready to hush him when she trips at the feet off the bed. “Please,” she groans in pain, “Don’t say anymore, please, Jaejoo -“
But he barrels on, determined to get this all out before she stops him.
“I can’t keep you here with me, in this room.” He says with urgency in his voice, finally sitting up. “There are people out there who need you more than I do. We’ve had months to ourselves, the memories are enough to last a life time.”
She shakes her head and grips the sheet more tightly, nails digging into the white as her tears seeps through it. “It will never be enough.”
Jaejoong comes to her side and crouches down next to her on the floor. “I’m not a prince, Nana but you, you are a princess.”
Suddenly her fear dissolves.
She sits up and presses her lips to his, breathing him in. Jaejoong cradles her face in his hands, pulling her closer and crushing her to his chest instead of pushing her away. The longer Nana kisses him, the easier it is to believe that she and him could stay like this forever.
When they pull away, Jaejoong says the only thing there is left to be said. “I love you”
And just like that, Nana discovers that they’ve been wrong all this time. In fairy tales, when the mask came off, the handsome prince still loved the girl, no matter what - and that alone turned her into a princess
Nana’s never truly been a princess until now.
On a Sunday morning, two men under government duty enters room 359 of Hotel Savoy and finds two lifeless bodies lying side by side on the bed, hands almost touching.
There’s a happy ending somewhere in there, they’d like to think.