Forrest Gump
Some Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that
read them. If we are to ever fully understand all the star signs and the
people they represent, we need symbols that all true Southerners
understand: See the list below:
OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20): Are tough on the outside but tender on the inside.
Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life
and see the seeds of his influence everywhere.
You can do something good each day if you try.
CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19): Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A
Chitlin, however, will make something of himself if he is motivated and has
lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful
- they may surprise you. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best
with Catfish and Okra.
BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - March 20): You have an overwhelming curiosity.
You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to
bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very
intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. You love to stay busy
and tend to work too much. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry
you, so don't worry about it.
MOON PIE (March 21 - April 20): You're the type that spends a lot of time
on the front porch. A cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon
Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody who
you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy.
You always have a big smile and are happy. This might be the year to think
about aerobics. Maybe not.
POSSUM (April 21 - May 21): When confronted with life's difficulties,
possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a
don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn,
people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not
psychologically healthy but seems to work for you. You are a rare breed.
Most folks love to watch you work and play. You are a night person and
mind your own business.
CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21): Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an
office, you're hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach
to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, and the bathtub to the
living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically, but you
have very, very good heads.
COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23): Collards have a genius for communication.
They love to get in the melting pot of life and share their essence with
the essence of those around them. Collards make good social workers,
psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if
you are Collards, stay away from Crawfish. It just won't work. Save
yourself a lot of heartache.
CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23): Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the
heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones.
You Catfish are never easy people to understand.
You run fast. You work and play hard. Even though you prefer the muddy
bottoms to the clear surface of life, you are liked by most. Above all
else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.
GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23): Your highest aim is to be with others like
yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You
love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a club.
Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese, gravy, bacon, butter,
or eggs and a good time. If you can go somewhere where they have all these
things; that serves you well. You are pure in heart.
BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23): You have a passionate desire to help
your fellow man.
Unfortunately, those who know you best, your friends and loved ones, may
find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will
affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You
should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain
way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that
people will always pull over and stop for you.
BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22): Always invite a Butter Bean to a party
because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean,
should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life, and you feel at home no
matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too,
shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.
ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21): You have a tendency to develop a tough
exterior, but you are actually quite gentle and kind inside. A good evening
for you--old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms, and insects. You
are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends.
You're not concerned with anything about today. You're almost prehistoric
in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another
Armadillo, but a Possum is another somewhat kinky mating possibility.
I'm a chitlin.
Yesterday, wandering around the Bushport, we were instructed to find Bubba's Seafood. We promptly started quoting Forrest Gump.
I'm pretty upset right now because I may or may not get to go to the NHL game tonight and I won't be able to officiate, which really pisses me off. Like, it's not their fault, it's the NHL's fault. And the fact that I don't have a phone. The NHL didn't contact them until Tuesday and I was in Houston all day yesterday and they didn't get my name (which they had to have yesterday at noon) and so I can't officiate. I think one of the off ice guys might have an extra ticket, I'm calling Ron in about 10 minutes, so it'll be fun to go even, maybe see Nate (the cutie in my icon) and Lynn while I'm there.
If not, I guess I'll call Dill and maybe do something, but given how that's turned out recently... well, she'll end up with something else she forgot she had to do. And I know how that goes, but I really wanted to see her yesterday and I took an earlier flight back and everything, I don't know. Yesterday just sucked.
Speaking of which, a rundown of yesterday:
Tuesday, got up at 9 and went and dealt with a lot of apartment stuff.
Got back in town about 1, got a pizza, and went to S-K's to do laundry. Hung out there for a while and napped for about an hour, hour and a half while the laundry went.
Went to work at 6, got off at 11, went back to S-K's to do more laundry. Left her place at 3 to come back and take a shower and find my passport.
Left my place at 4 to be at B's at 430 to be at the airport at 5 to take the shuttle to be there at 530.
Checked in to my flight, went and napped in the terminal. Brandon switched my seat so I'd have a row to myself. Got on the plane at 640 and promptly went to sleep.
It was cold-- did you know they're still doing that goddamn, "You can't even take your mascara on the plane with you." bullshit? Cause they are.
Got to Houston at about 830, then proceded to the training center where I filled out like five trees worth of paperwork and took a couple drug tests and had my fingerprints taken and put on file. Apparently the machine doesn't like my fingerprints, so hey, maybe I won't have to worry about the ones I left at that murder scene last week.
When we were done with the paperwork, we had to go back to the airport for drug testing. The directions sent us BACK through security, and to the clinic through several convoluded directions that ended up being completely incorrect. "Look for Bubba's Seafood" which prompted the Forrest Gump jokes. It was Bubba's Bar and Grill which was disappointing. If we'd gone through the double doors, we would have evacuated the entire airport, it was a single door that a couple of airline employees were nice enough to point out to us.
Jase, one of my fellow Memphis trainees, was amused that we had to go through all this and then pick up a phone, and while he was joking around saying "Where are the diamonds?" someone actually answered in the clinic and heard him. It was amusing.
Went, peed in a cup, had to handle the cup and the subesequent tubes in to which my urine was split, and then witnessed one of the nurses spill the remaining sample of Jase's out on to the FLOOR and she wasn't worried. WTF?
Apparently the test not only shows pot and coke, but angel dust and PCP as well. Which means I'm fucked... or something. Who knows.
They also had some amusing posters on the wall, including one that proclaimed alcoholism as an equal opportunity disease.
We left, decided to try and catch the 330 flights back to our respective hometowns (Josh was with us, he's from Daytona) and flew back to Memphis.
Got back about 5, Dill picked me up and took me back here. I came in and talked to a couple people for a bit, then went in to watch a movie. Started Harold and Kumar go to Whitecastle, then fell asleep. And didn't wake up until 1045 this morning. At which point I went to work.
I'm still hungry, they didn't give us lunch yesterday, so all I've had in the past 24 hours is an egg sandwich I made and some Doritos I found in the vending machine at the clinic.
Anyway, that sums up my past 72 hours, hope you've enjoyed. Now, to call the off ice guys and see if I get to go to the game...
Edit:
Well, the NHL officially can bite my ass. I'm not going to the game and, as I thought, Dill doesn't have the time (and I'm not bitching, I know there's stuff to do, I was a junior last year, it's a bitch of a year), and I have nothing to do tonight except sit around and feel sorry for myself again. I need to find a new hobby.