snsd, jessica/taeyeon, prompt 4
anonymous
June 6 2011, 00:29:53 UTC
i didn't have any ideas for the challenge until there was only an hour left, which is why it's so messy and doesn't really match the prompt lol ;; i like the general idea though, i think i'll try to clean it up into something readable later
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Re: snsd, jessica/taeyeon, prompt 4
anonymous
June 6 2011, 01:15:11 UTC
hi anon! first i thought this was pretty cute and not that messy! overall you have a good flow and write smoothly. towards the end it got a little messy. for instance taeyeon is at the booth but she's also in the bathroom without any mention of her moving. did she follow jessica in there? did she leave once tiffany started kissing jessica?
this line like a drama heroine who's just discovered that her true love betrayed her needs to go. i'm sure you can find a better metaphor or simile that's less obvious or dramatic. or perhaps just an adjective
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Re: snsd, jessica/taeyeon, prompt 4
anonymous
June 6 2011, 04:20:37 UTC
ha, you highlighted everything that i was unhappy with. good to know it's not just me. i think my biggest problem is communicating the triangle, which is that taeyeon likes tiffany and jessica likes taeyeon, but taeyeon doesn't know that until their encounter in the bathroom. the idea was that taeyeon left when tiffany kissed jessica because she was jealous, and jessica went after her. that's definitely unclear though, so i'll figure out a way to fix it up.
Re: 2ne1/2pm, bom/chansung, #6
anonymous
June 6 2011, 00:48:26 UTC
thanks XD
not the slightest as far as I know... unfortunately :( I think it would be all kinds of hilarious, but other than his friendship with Seungri (and possibly Jay fanboying all over the girls back in his 2pm days already) I can't think of any ties they'd have.
Re: 2ne1/2pm, bom/chansung, #6
anonymous
June 6 2011, 06:04:58 UTC
omg this is such an odd pairing but I just love the way you set it up. I started reading being a sucker for chanri bros and ended up sort of shipping chanbom because they would bond over food so well. good job!!
shinee/jongho/#1
anonymous
June 6 2011, 00:40:03 UTC
A thunderstorm has drifted Minho’s boat off course. It’s been three days and there’s no sign of land. Half of Minho’s crew believes they’ve been cursed, the other half thinks they’re nearing the edge of the world. Minho shivers. The edge of the world is never a good place to be. People say you could fall off and fall into oblivion forever. Or at least until you die. That shouldn’t take long though, Minho reckons, at the rate these men are going. Sungyoon has been coughing into his handkerchief for a couple days now - most of the crew suspects he has scurvy. But there’s another part of the legend. You could jump. If you go far enough, you can find a new world. The world of the gods
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Re: shinee/jongho/#1 2/2
anonymous
June 6 2011, 00:40:50 UTC
sorry, forgot to put 1/2 on the other partWhen he wakes up, the sun is shining brightly above him, and the grass in unexpectedly soft beneath his fingers. His hands make a fist and then he realizes that it isn’t grass, but sand. Wet sand underneath him, clinging to his body. Minho sits up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. It seems like days since he’s been awake, but there’s still the quivering of his body which tells him his adrenaline rush was mere moments ago. He takes a look around; it’s a tiny beach, with crystal clean water and pearly white sand. There’s an apple tree in the middle of the water, a couple of meters away from him. Minho stands up and looks around dazedly. The shadow of the tree on the water looks like a person
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this line like a drama heroine who's just discovered that her true love betrayed her needs to go. i'm sure you can find a better metaphor or simile that's less obvious or dramatic. or perhaps just an adjective ( ... )
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thanks for the advice, i really appreciate it :)
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jw, is there any basis to bom/chansung, anon?
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not the slightest as far as I know... unfortunately :( I think it would be all kinds of hilarious, but other than his friendship with Seungri (and possibly Jay fanboying all over the girls back in his 2pm days already) I can't think of any ties they'd have.
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