Obsession 4/13
Title: Obsession
Rating: Adult
Summary: Kris never realised one friend could mean so much, until one day he sees that Adam isn’t just a friend - he’s an obsession and one he’ll do anything for.
Disclaimer: I know none of these people, nor do I own them. This never happened.
Previous Parts
Part 4
Adam watched confused and worried as Kris paced up and down the room before looking at him. It was now clear that whatever had Kris in knots was about him since they talked about everything, the only thing that could be worrying Kris was that he had somehow found out just how deep Adam’s feelings were. Adam knew he had to find some way of reassuring the man that he would not do anything inappropriate and knew Kris was happily married. He wanted Kris in his life regardless of the pain in his heart as he looked at Kris knowing the man could never return his feelings.
“Adam, you are my best friend and nothing will ever change that.”
Adam nodded replying, “I know and you are mine.”
Kris smiled nervously before he moved so that he was sitting on the table in front of Adam, looking in those stunning enchanting eyes. He wanted to make sure Adam didn’t try to lie to him. Although they never lied to each other, he knew Adam would lie to him without any hesitation if he thought it would make Kris happy.
“I was talking to Alison earlier and she hit me with a metaphorical 2 by 4, she told me to think about how it would feel for Katy not to be in my life and my heart clenched...”
Feeling his heart break a little more Adam said lightly, “Well obviously, she is your wife. Why are you telling me that instead of her? Do you need me to disappear for a while so you can talk for a while?”
Placing one hand on Adam’s knee and ignoring the surprised look Kris shook his head saying, “No, I need to say this now before I lose my nerve. Alison also told me to think what my life without you and my heart was torn to shreds. I want Katy but I don’t need her to be happy. You are the one I want and need. I love you.”
“You’re only saying that because she’s not here,” Adam said sadly.
Adam was breaking into thousand pieces at the declaration because it was everything he had dreamt of but Kris didn’t mean it. It was motivated by loneliness and pain, not by love.
“No, I'm not. Do you honestly think I would even be talking to you about this if I wasn’t serious? I love you, Adam.”
How he had wished it could happen but it was impossible, Adam said softly, “Kris, you are not gay."
Kris explained, “It’s not about being gay or straight, Adam. It’s about finding the one who makes you complete and you make me feel complete.”
“No. This is not going to happen, Kris,” Adam said standing up to leave the room.
Kris’s hand moved of its own volition, grabbing Adam’s arm before the man could take a step. He was not going to let it end like that; he needed to know if Adam felt anything for him, if so, he was not going to let Adam run away from what they could be.
“Kris, let me go.” Adam said his voice remaining level despite the intense panic he was feeling. He had to leave now before his resolve broke and he gave in to his urges.
“Not until you let me know if you feel anything for me. If not, I'll never mention it again but if so, we can work through any problems together. Please, Adam.”
Adam shook his head saying heatedly, “We can’t be together, you are married and I will not be kept a secret. I won’t let you destroy me, Kris. I am proud of who I am and I will not be forced into denying that.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to do that.”
Adam ignored Kris's interruption saying passionately, “I need to know that you are not going to regret this later because I don’t want to be the one that ruins your life. Just think this over, you are married, Kris. You need to make sure this is not just a passing crush, plenty of straight people have experienced a same sex crush.”
“I'm not giving you up, Adam Lambert. I told you that I love you and I mean it. I'm not going to stop loving you.”
Adam nodded, sure that Kris was just caught up in feelings that would soon pass. He would not risk everything he was for a relationship that could only exist behind closed doors. He was sorry for the pain he was putting Kris through but it was for a good cause, he couldn’t let them both be torn to pieces.
Looking at the other man, Kris knew that Adam did not believe he was serious about waiting for Adam but he would. Adam was his, he had always been, but Kris had not realised in what way. The only solution Kris could come up with was to calmly explain to Katy although he would always love her Adam was the one he wanted to be with. His only hope was that she would agree to a separation if not an immediate divorce.
“Now, I'm going to bed to try and make some sense of this. I'll see you tomorrow,” Adam said honestly knowing he had done the right thing. He didn’t want Kris to end up resenting him.
*******
Kris was lying awake staring at the ceiling and trying to convince himself that Adam would wake up tomorrow and want to be with him. It was two a.m. but he hadn’t slept as he thought about Adam. He had risked so much in telling Adam his feelings and knew Adam cared for him since the man hadn’t denied loving him only that could be together. Somehow, Adam would be his, even if he had to tie the man to his bed until he saw reason.
Kris had always found Adam beautiful, once he had watched a drop of sweat dripping down Adam’s neck in fascination. At the time, he had told himself that it was just because it had smudged Adam’s eyeliner. His body had always felt energised when Adam touched him but he had put it down to Adam’s aura of excitement, energy and charisma.
Katy was weighing heavy on his mind because she had been the one he loved for so long. She deserved an honest explanation but he didn’t know how he was going to tell her. He had been happy with her until the day he had met Adam. Since they had started living at the mansion and finally able to spend real time together, his thoughts had not been Katy but of Adam. Adam was the one he turned to when he was upset, nervous or in need of comfort instead of Katy. Kris knew he should have realised at this point that Adam was more than a friend, even a best friend. He had even started picking his clothes depending on what Adam had would like, watching to see Adam’s reaction, banishing anything Adam didn’t like to the back of his closet.
Finally deciding he wasn’t going to get to sleep, Kris got out of bed and grabbed his robe from the back of the bedroom door. Putting it on, Kris grabbed his trusty notebook and headed up and out to the pool. Sitting on one of the many sun loungers, Kris looked up at the beautiful, bright moon and started writing. He had to get his feelings out now when it was quiet and he could think.
Dear Katy,
I’m sitting in front of the pool and trying to find the words to
explain why I am doing this to you. Why I am in love with
someone else but I can’t find the words but then, how can you
explain why two people fall in love?
I’ve met someone and I need to be with them. I'm sorry but it
wouldn’t be right for us to stay married.
I want a divorce, Katy.
I'm sure you are wondering why I said someone and the reason is
I’ve fallen in love with Adam. I realise you must be reeling at the
thought that I’ve fallen in love with another man. Please don’t think
I’ve been using you to hide my sexuality, I’ve never been
attracted to any man but Adam.
I met him and he became the one person in my life I can’t live
without, the one who makes my heart sing.
I love him and that will never change, Adam is the one for me and
I can’t pretend he isn’t.
I did love you it’s just that what I feel for Adam is so much more,
he makes me feel whole.
I have never been unfaithful to you. I have not acted on my love for
Adam because you deserve to know our relationship is over first.
I am so sorry for causing you pain, Katy.
You can have the house , I will not ask for anything. I can at least
spare you a messy battle for possessions.
Kris.
Looking over the letter Kris was satisfied it was as delicately worded as possible whilst making it clear to Katy why and there was no chance of him suddenly deciding he wanted her not Adam. He didn’t want her to be clinging to false hope, he wanted her to find someone who made her feel how Adam made him feel. Kris knew she would probably never forgive him but he didn’t want to be without Adam. He would post the letter tomorrow by Fed-Ex along with his wedding ring and give her a call two days later to explain everything. As much as he knew it should be done in person, he wanted to let her know as quickly as possible to give her the chance to get herself together for when he did go home. If he survived this week, he would be coming home for the hometown parade Idol insisted on.
He looked up at the sound of someone sliding open the patio doors and saw it was Adam. The man looked beautiful, the moonlight only serving to heighten his beauty, amazing grace, and breathtaking eyes.
“Sorry, I didn’t think anyone was here. I'll go,” Adam said quickly on seeing Kris.
He had come out to think about Kris, it was just his luck that the man was there. He had never seen Kris look so dazzling, how he wanted to go up to kiss those lips Kris was anxiously biting.
“Please don’t go,” Kris said, his voice breaking as watched Adam turn back.
“I can’t stay here, Kris,” Adam said softly.
“Please stay, Adam. I won’t even try to kiss you.”
Letting out a sad sigh Adam said honestly, “Maybe not, but I will and I refuse to take advantage of your confusion.”
Desperate to make Adam believe him Kris said fervently, “I'm not confused, I love you. I want to spend every day waking up next to you, I want to cover you in kisses and make you scream my name. I want to laugh with you, dance with you. I want to just spend time with you, I want to share everything with you.”
Adam didn’t know how he reached Kris so quickly, the only thing he knew he was sitting next to Kris and could feel the man’s breath on his face. He didn’t know who moved first but their lips met in a passionate kiss, he could feel Kris’ tongue entering his mouth and duelling with his own. Adam had no idea how long they kissed, he only knew they were both panting when they separated.
“Shit, that was a mistake. I can’t do this Kris,” Adam said once he could speak.
Although they had only just parted he already missed the feel of Kris’s soft lips against his. For a moment everything had been perfect, he had Kris in his arms and the world faded away but he was brought crashing to reality when they parted and he was free of the Kris induced daze. He kept his eyes above Kris’s mouth knowing if he saw those now slightly swollen lips, again he would be helpless to resist them.
“Adam, I'm not going to walk away from this. Is it that unbelievable that I fell for you so quickly?”
Adam bit his lip saying passionately, “It has nothing to do with how long we have known each other; it’s to do with the fact that you are straight and married. How do I know that you won’t freak out as the realities of having a relationship with another man hits home, Kris? Can you honestly see yourself having sex with me? Sucking my cock, taking it inside you or me sucking your cock and you inside me, because that’s the reality of what our sex life could be.”
Kris said softly, “All I know is when I think of you doing those things to me or me doing them to you, I’ve never felt more excited or turned on in my life. I'll be honest, the thought of doing it with anyone but you freaks me out, but with you it feels right.”
Needing to prove to Adam that the man really did excite him, Kris grabbed Adam’s hand and pulled it down to his crotch. He delighted in the surprised gasp and moan Adam let out, as if amazed at what he had found. Kris shivered at the feeling of Adam’s hands caressing him through the thin fabric of his shorts. He let go of Adam’s hand knowing it would quickly end up going further than Adam wanted. He would respect Adam’s wishes even if he was going to end up full of pent up sexual frustration. Now that he was aware of his lust for Adam, his body seemed to vibrate with desire when the man was nearby. All he could think about was feeling the man’s body flush against his own.
“You are the only one I want, Adam. I’ve already decided to ask Katy for a divorce. It’s not right for us to stay married when I don’t love her. Even if you decide that you don’t want to be in a relationship with me, I will still love you.”
“Do you really mean that, Kris? Are you that sure of your feelings?” Adam asked in amazement.
Kris nodded, “I wouldn’t be doing this if I wasn’t sure. Look, I understand why you don’t want to get involved with me while I'm married but I don’t think I can wait until I get divorced to have you in my arms.”
“Kris, how do I know you really will tell her about us? I’ve been burned before by a lover who promised to do the same thing and didn’t. Kris, he almost broke me and I didn’t love him nearly half as much as I love you. You will break me if you don’t follow through on this.”
Kris couldn’t stop the surge of jealousy in his veins at the thought of Adam being with another, he knew that Adam had previous lovers and he had no right to be jealous of them but he was. The thought of someone else feeling Adam undulating above them and kissing his skin hurt but he consoled himself that soon he would be the only one to experience them for the rest of their lives. He was angry that Adam didn’t trust him to keep his word but that was cooled by the knowledge that Adam was only trying to protect himself. He understood Adam’s desperation if his feelings were as intense as his own for the raven haired beauty.
“I'm serious, Adam. I’ve already written to her explaining everything, I wanted to tell her right away and you can come with me to post it tomorrow,” Kris said quickly showing the letter to his love.
Adam took the piece of paper realising just how serious Kris was, his heart soaring at the realisation that Kris truly wanted to be with him. He was amazed at how eloquently Kris described his feelings, he had never realised just how deep Kris’s feelings were nor how willing he would be to put them into words
“You can sleep in my bed but that’s it, Kris. We won’t be doing anything else until you speak to her and make sure she understands.”
“Okay,” Kris said happily, pleased that he had at least got this much. He would at least be able to feel Adam’s body next to his and wake up next to him.
“You do know she might go to the press, baby? Are you ready for the fallout?” Adam said softly, taking his love’s hand in his.
“They already think we’re together anyway, how much worse can it get?”
Adam said bitterly, “A lot worse for now it’s only rumours, Kris. Once they find out it’s true we won’t get a break, every single interview we will be asked about it, people will make snide comments. There will be outrage and scorn from some and some people will refuse to have anything to do with you. They will try to make what we have sound sordid and seedy.”
“I guess I should tell my family about us first.” Kris said, upset that Adam had faced such horrible reactions before, he could tell Adam was speaking from experience.
“I’d suggest it, yeah.” Adam said sarcastically before continuing, “How do you think they’ll be with it?”
“Okay, they love me and only want me to be happy besides they know some gay couples from some company picnic.”
“Well, you know them best. Let’s go to bed, baby.” Adam said leading the way back indoors and hoping he wouldn’t end up regretting his decision.
The pair held hands as they walked through the house to Adam’s bedroom, once there Kris regretfully let go of Adam’s hand to put his robe on the back of Adam’s door. Walking back to the bed he was amazed to see Adam lying there, holding the covers up waiting for him to get in bed. Getting into bed Kris waited for Adam to get comfortable aware of the man’s probably still aching ribs.
Adam lay down on his back now that it was feeling slightly better and put his left arm around Kris. As Kris moved closer, head dropping onto his right shoulder, Adam was overtaken by the rightness of the moment and how smoothly Kris moulded to his body. Adam had no idea what the morning would bring but he was overjoyed that he would be one step closer to having the relationship with Kris he so desperately needed.
End Part 4