With A Little Help From My Friends
Title: With A Little Help From My Friends (3344 words)
Author: glambertfan
Rating: g
Pairing: Kradam
Summary: Kris realizes, with a little help, what he's been feeling all along
Disclaimer: I do not own Kris Allen or Adam Lambert, they are human beings and are the property of themselves, 19E, and, as always, each other. The title is a Beatles song.
With A Little Help From My Friends
He was beautiful, there was no denying it. Man or woman, gay or straight, it didn’t matter, his beauty was overpowering. The way his jet-black hair fell gently, almost carelessly, across his freckled forehead, hiding one of the beautiful, black-lined turquoise eyes that shone with laughter, it was devastating. A grin spread across his stunning face as he raised his hand to his head and ran the polished fingers through the black and blue strands, mussing it up just enough to make his unassailable lure overwhelming. His melodic laugh rang through the early morning air as Gokey cracked a joke and started flailing around in what was obviously supposed to be a dance. A small smile found its way onto Kris’ lips at the sight. Not the sight of Danny’s dancing. No, at the sight of Adam in the glow of the rising sun.
“Allen! Hey, Allen!” Danny’s voice, filled with laughter, called out across the lawn where they stood, waiting for the car that would whisk them away to an endless loop of rehearsals and interviews and photo shoots. Kris was instantly pulled out of his silent admiration by the older man’s rough, tenor voice.
“What?” he called back, southern drawl stronger now since his visit home. Home, what a funny word. This, the mansion, Adam and Danny and everyone who’d left, this was home to him. For now, at least. In another few days he would be leaving all of this behind and he didn’t know how he was feeling about that. But Conway, Katy, his parents; that was home, too. Over the past few months the pain he’d felt upon leaving behind his wife, his family, everything he knew, slowly dissipated until it was nothing more than a mere shadow of a memory. The pain he felt when a friend was eliminated, sent home, took over with each week being harder than the last. It was a comfort to Kris that Danny and Adam, two of his best friends in the house, had made it to the top 3 with him. Danny was always good for a laugh, good at easing tension by goofing off and causing trouble. Adam was, well, Adam was a comfort in and of himself. He seemed to always know the right words to say or thing to do and his ever-present smile was overwhelmingly infectious. While rooming together he’d always been up for both deep, heart-to-heart conversations and light, care-free banter. It didn’t hurt that, for whatever reason, hugging him, being held safely in his arms, made everything better.
“Come over here and dance with me, Glambert’s being a jerk.” Adam just laughed harder at the good-natured jibe.
“It’s too early to dance, and I’d rather not look like an idiot, thanks,” Adam replied, poking Danny in the shoulder while he gyrated and bent in various (quite amusing) ways.
“You don’t seem to have a problem with it every week on the show,” Kris prodded, joining the other two.
“Oh, burn,” Adam said, placing his hands over his heart in a feigned show of hurt. Kris’ smile grew larger still at the overly-theatrical response. Adam was nothing if not a drama queen - in the best sense of the term, of course. The three stood around, laughing and joking, gently teasing one another, until the car finally showed up. The three men climbed one by one into the back and were off into the madness.
The week was a blur and before Kris knew what was going on it was Wednesday. No matter what happened, tonight would be his last in the massive house. After tonight there would be only two left; Adam and whoever was lucky enough to come in second place. Danny and Adam were favorites by far, everyone had been preparing for a Gokey/Glambert finale for weeks. But maybe, just maybe, he’d done enough to squeak past Danny for that coveted second place finish. The show dragged on, Ryan delaying and delaying and delaying. Throughout the show it seemed that Adam and Kris were constantly in contact, whether holding hands or just placing reassuring hands on shoulders, or even comparing their now matching nail polish.
“Can’t you just tell us already? I just want it to be over.” Danny whispered to the host during one of the commercial breaks. They’d all been feeling it, but neither Adam nor Kris had been able to voice their feelings. When the show returned to air Ryan goaded Danny for his remarks, but the older man just smiled and shrugged. He had spoken his mind, their collective mind, why apologize for that? Finally, after what felt like an eternity to the trio, it was time to discover their fate. Kris put a good-natured grin on his face, knowing beyond a doubt that it would be he who would not be performing the next week but trying to look as though he was confident in his chance of survival.
“The first person in the finale is….” The seconds seemed like hours as Ryan dragged. “Kris Allen!” He didn’t think he’d heard properly. He was in the finale?! Walking silently to the other side of the host, Kris was trying to wrap his head around it. Adam pressed his hand over his eyes, not wanting to hear that, after all of the fanfare surrounding him, he would not be in the finale. Kris felt a knot forming in his stomach - after everything, would the golden-boy of season 8 falter? When, moments later, Ryan announced that it would be Adam joining Kris in the finale, the knot released itself and a feeling of all-consuming relief spread throughout the young man. Adam is safe he thought Adam is safe. Kris and Adam, wearing matching grins, embraced each other quickly before moving aside and allowing Danny to take the stage.
“Congratulations, man,” Gokey said, placing his hand on Kris’ shoulder, a sincere smile on his face. “You deserve it.”
“You did, too, probably more,” Kris replied, rubbing the back of his neck in the way he did when he was being humble. Danny smiled and moved on to congratulate Adam. Kris’ eyes followed the fallen friend to the far corner of the room where Adam stood with his family, laughing and joking as always. Kris smiled wider than he had all day; now that the nerves were gone he felt an almost joyous relief. He saw Danny reach up and tap Adam gently on the shoulder, getting his attention subtly. He watched as their lips moved in congratulations and condolences and saw the genuine hurt in Adam’s stormy eyes for the widower. When they embraced, Adam pulling Danny into a tight hug, those bright blue eyes flickered up and met the deep, soulful brown ones that were surreptitiously watching. He flashed a quick grin and mouthed his congratulations before turning back to his family. Kris knew the two would talk once they were back at the house; celebrate their survival and mourn Danny’s departure.
“Kris?” the soft, sweet southern accent of his beautiful wife caused him to whip his head around.
“Hey,” he said, grinning at her and pulling her into a friendly hug. He kissed her on the cheek and took her hand in his.
“I need to talk to you, sweetie,” she said, unshed tears rimming her eyes.
“OK, do you want to go somewhere else?”
“It’d probably be a good idea,” she agreed and followed him through the halls to a small, unoccupied room.
“Can you believe it? I mean, I knew Adam would make it, he’s got an amazing voice, but can you believe that I’m in the finale with him?” Kris couldn’t contain his excitement, he wanted to celebrate and he figured he should do it with Katy, even though he wanted nothing more than to run off and find Adam again, pry him away from his family. Katy sat on the lone sofa that occupied the room and patted the seat next to her, an obvious invitation to be seated. For the first time it registered with Kris that something was off, that she seemed upset rather than excited. “What’s wrong?” he asked, a perplexed look crossing his face. “Aren’t you excited?”
“I’m so proud of you, baby, and so excited,” she responded, but the tears in her eyes began silently running down her face. No longer could these be mistaken for tears of joy.
“Then what’s wrong? I don’t understand.”
Katy took a deep, steadying breath before she began. “You don’t even see me anymore, Kris. Everything is ‘Adam this’ and ‘Adam that’ and you don’t even realize what’s happening, what’s happened. “
“What do you mean?” the confusion etched on his face grew deeper still.
“It’s OK, I understand, I’ll be OK. I just want you to be happy, Kris, even if that breaks my heart.”
“Katy, what are you -”
“You love him, Kris, I can see that. Heck, all of American can see that. Everyone but you can see that. The way you look at him, watch him. And that smile, the one that was on your face when I found you tonight? I’ve never seen that smile, not once. Not aimed at me, at least. That smile is for Adam Lambert and Adam Lambert alone. I knew when you left for the show that this would be hard, so many marriages fail in their first year even without all the added stress. I was afraid you’d move to Hollywood and meet some beautiful, talented person and fall in love with them. And I was right; I just didn’t expect it to be another man. I love you, Kris, but you don’t love me. Not anymore. Not like you love him.” Katy pressed her hand into Kris’ and he felt something cold, metallic between their hands. Katy leaned in and kissed him on the lips for one last time. “Goodbye, Kris,” she said, standing and quickly fleeing the room. Kris closed his fist around the two rings Katy had placed there and shut his eyes momentarily.
He sat there, in stunned silence, staring off into the distance and trying to figure out where it had all gone wrong. What had Katy meant about Kris loving Adam? He’s my best friend, that’s all. Kris thought to himself. He closed his eyes tight and rubbed his calloused fingers over the lids, trying to understand. He wasn’t upset, really, just confused, but that only served to baffle him even more. He should be more upset, he knew that, his wife just left him, but he couldn’t find it in him to be truly hurt. You don’t even see me anymore, Kris, the words echoed in his mind. Of course he saw her! He spoke to her everyday and after every show, whether she was with him in Los Angeles or back in Conway. They would talk for hours, rehashing the show and the performances, Adam’s performances Kris thought to himself with a groan, or just talk about their days. Of course Adam figured prominently in the man’s days, they were roommates and best friends, they were spending almost every minute together. But I spent just as much time with everyone else, with Danny and Allison before they left he realized as another sigh escaped his slightly chapped lips.
For weeks, months, Kris’ attention had been focused on Adam, on his eccentric performances and constantly upbeat attitude. But everyone’s had, hadn’t it? Adam was the center of attention all the time; it was where he was comfortable, where he was happy. But, Kris realized, he wasn’t performing, commanding attention, when they were unwinding, relaxing. And that’s when Kris noticed him the most, noticed the way the dark, smudged eyeliner brought out the sparkle in his blue-gray eyes, or the way his smile seemed to light up his weary features, the way his freckles were scattered across his face. As the weeks had progressed he had learned to read Adam in a way he could read no one else. Not even Katy. The slightest look, the most miniscule gesture, spoke volumes to the humble southerner.
“Kris? Are you in here?” Adam’s cheerful voice rang out as he poked his head into the small room where Katy and Kris had retreated to. His eyes quickly scanned the room, finding Kris sitting hunched over on the sofa, eyes close, hand gently rubbing the back of his neck. The younger man’s eyes opened slowly at the sound of his best friend’s voice, surprise at the sudden appearance showing in his deep eyes. Adam could tell instantly that something wasn’t right, that something had happened between the end of the show and now, less than an hour later. He swiftly, gracefully, closed the distance and sat next to Kris, placing his arm around the soft-spoken Arkansas native. “What’s wrong?” Kris didn’t reply, he simply unfurled his still-clenched fist to reveal the glint of white gold and diamond. “Oh Kris,” Adam said, pulling his friend into a tight hug, holding him close. “What happened?”
Being in Adam’s arms helped Kris more than he cared to admit. “She’s gone. She-she just left.” He couldn’t bring himself to tell Adam what Katy had said, not just yet anyway.
“Are you alright?” Adam knew it was a stupid thing to ask; of course he wasn’t alright, his wife had just left him for Christ’s sake.
“It’s still processing,” came the soft reply, muted by the fabric of Adam’s t-shirt.
“C’mon, let’s get back to the house, you need to sleep.” Kris nodded into Adam’s shoulder and let the older man pull him up. Kris followed Adam blindly, still thinking over everything that Katy had said, and relishing in the warm tingle that seemed to be emanating from Adam’s hand on his back.
The week between the top 3 and the finale seemed to fly past. The boys went from rehearsal to rehearsal, moving from location to location in an exhaustion-induced haze. Kris sang his songs and hit his moves but his mind was occupied elsewhere. All week he had been hyper-aware of Adam, of his proximity, of his facial expressions, of the sexuality that just seemed to ooze from his pores, it was driving him insane. When there was a break in the rehearsals Kris found himself gravitating towards the glamorous rock star, wanting to just be close to him, to feel the warmth that radiated from his freckled skin.
Adam, for his part, had noticed Kris’ distraction but chalked it up to a combination of nerves about the show and conflicting emotions over the whole Katy thing. He still didn’t know what the adorable blonde had told her husband, but he knew it must have been something extraordinary to throw Kris into such a stupor. Throughout the rehearsals he threw Kris concerned looks, wanting to help but not wanting to force him into talking if he wasn’t ready. Adam sighed, whatever Katy had done to Kris he wanted to make it better, wanted to take away the pain.
The show and results show came and went, neither contestant on the top of their game, though Adam thought Kris may have had a bit more emotion behind his “Ain’t No Sunshine” than usual. Both contestants were exhausted and distracted; nevertheless neither could stop the smiles from crossing their faces while they were performing with KISS and Queen. When it was time for Ryan to announce who the new Idol was neither of them really cared. They just wanted it all to be over, wanted to be able to go home and sleep and know that they never had to compete with anybody again, just record a great album and entertain the world. Each man thought the other was a shoo-in so both were prepared to answer questions about coming in second. They also each genuinely wanted the other to win; felt the other deserved it so much more than they. When Ryan finally called out Kris’ name it took a moment to register. Adam held his shoulders and shook him slightly.
“You won!” Kris took the microphone from Ryan, still looking stunned.
“Adam deserved it,” he muttered before the intro to “No Boundaries” began.
And then it was over. The cameras were turned off, the confetti was strewn across the floor, and Ryan’s smile had been unscrewed and put away for another day. The rest of the top 13 mobbed the new American Idol but the smile on Kris’ face had the air of insincerity. Only Adam seemed to notice. Katy, who had remained in order to keep up appearances, hugged Kris, tears in her eyes.
“Congratulations,” she whispered before letting go for the last time. Then she did something that surprised Adam more than anything; she walked over to him and threw her arms around his tall frame. “I know I have no right to ask you for anything, but please, take care of him. He’s yours now, and he doesn’t deserve to be hurt,” she breathed before letting go and walking away, throwing one last pleading look in Adam’s direction, meeting the confusion that played across his features.
As the mob crowded around Kris, even as Katy held him one more time, his eyes scanned the crowd for Adam. He found him quickly, across the room, but couldn’t get away to go to him. He watched in silence as Katy approached the beautiful 27 year old and hugged him in much the same way he’d just been hugged. He sighed, but felt next to nothing. Nothing for Katy, that is. He felt a sudden surprising surge of jealousy, wishing that it was he who was being held there in Adam’s embrace. By the time he’d torn himself away from the crowd Adam has disappeared, probably catching a breather before doing press. He searched through all the rooms and alcoves backstage until Kris found him, standing alone by the far wall of the greenroom. Without thinking he ran up behind him and threw his arms around Adam’s waist, hugging the massive frame to his own smaller one. Adam turned around with a smile on his facing, knowing instinctually who it would be. He was pleased to find the smile that rested on Kris’ lips now was genuine. Adam opened his mouth to make some snarky comment about Kris’ win but he was interrupted by Kris’ lips, crashing down upon his own.
Kris didn’t know what had made him do it, but he knew the instant their lips met that it was what he wanted more than anything. Katy was right; I love him he mused to himself in a last coherent thought before momentarily succumbing to the wonder that was Adam Lambert’s lips. Adam pulled away after a brief moment; he’d been completely caught off guard - something that was very rare.
“Kris, what are you doing?” he asked, voice thick with desires that he had been denying for what seemed like forever.
“I love you, Adam Lambert. You wanted to know why Katy left me, that’s why. She left me because I am more in love with you that I would’ve thought possible, and she saw it well before I realized it myself.” There was a short, slightly awkward silence in which Adam shifted uncomfortably from leg to leg, twisting his ring around his finger.
“Kris, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Katy doesn’t know what she’s talking about. You don’t love me.” The sadness in voice reached a peak as he finished his thought.
“Yes, I do.” Kris kissed Adam again, this time running his fingers through the silky black strands of Adam’s hair. Adam, despite the war raging inside himself, kissed back eagerly. This time it was Kris who broke away, attempting to catch his breath. Adam rested his forehead against the Idol’s and kept his eyes shut, afraid that were he to open them he would wake up and Kris would be gone.
“I love you, too, Mr. Idol,” he murmured before gently brushing his lips against Kris’ smile once more.
Author: glambertfan
Rating: g
Pairing: Kradam
Summary: Kris realizes, with a little help, what he's been feeling all along
Disclaimer: I do not own Kris Allen or Adam Lambert, they are human beings and are the property of themselves, 19E, and, as always, each other. The title is a Beatles song.
With A Little Help From My Friends
He was beautiful, there was no denying it. Man or woman, gay or straight, it didn’t matter, his beauty was overpowering. The way his jet-black hair fell gently, almost carelessly, across his freckled forehead, hiding one of the beautiful, black-lined turquoise eyes that shone with laughter, it was devastating. A grin spread across his stunning face as he raised his hand to his head and ran the polished fingers through the black and blue strands, mussing it up just enough to make his unassailable lure overwhelming. His melodic laugh rang through the early morning air as Gokey cracked a joke and started flailing around in what was obviously supposed to be a dance. A small smile found its way onto Kris’ lips at the sight. Not the sight of Danny’s dancing. No, at the sight of Adam in the glow of the rising sun.
“Allen! Hey, Allen!” Danny’s voice, filled with laughter, called out across the lawn where they stood, waiting for the car that would whisk them away to an endless loop of rehearsals and interviews and photo shoots. Kris was instantly pulled out of his silent admiration by the older man’s rough, tenor voice.
“What?” he called back, southern drawl stronger now since his visit home. Home, what a funny word. This, the mansion, Adam and Danny and everyone who’d left, this was home to him. For now, at least. In another few days he would be leaving all of this behind and he didn’t know how he was feeling about that. But Conway, Katy, his parents; that was home, too. Over the past few months the pain he’d felt upon leaving behind his wife, his family, everything he knew, slowly dissipated until it was nothing more than a mere shadow of a memory. The pain he felt when a friend was eliminated, sent home, took over with each week being harder than the last. It was a comfort to Kris that Danny and Adam, two of his best friends in the house, had made it to the top 3 with him. Danny was always good for a laugh, good at easing tension by goofing off and causing trouble. Adam was, well, Adam was a comfort in and of himself. He seemed to always know the right words to say or thing to do and his ever-present smile was overwhelmingly infectious. While rooming together he’d always been up for both deep, heart-to-heart conversations and light, care-free banter. It didn’t hurt that, for whatever reason, hugging him, being held safely in his arms, made everything better.
“Come over here and dance with me, Glambert’s being a jerk.” Adam just laughed harder at the good-natured jibe.
“It’s too early to dance, and I’d rather not look like an idiot, thanks,” Adam replied, poking Danny in the shoulder while he gyrated and bent in various (quite amusing) ways.
“You don’t seem to have a problem with it every week on the show,” Kris prodded, joining the other two.
“Oh, burn,” Adam said, placing his hands over his heart in a feigned show of hurt. Kris’ smile grew larger still at the overly-theatrical response. Adam was nothing if not a drama queen - in the best sense of the term, of course. The three stood around, laughing and joking, gently teasing one another, until the car finally showed up. The three men climbed one by one into the back and were off into the madness.
The week was a blur and before Kris knew what was going on it was Wednesday. No matter what happened, tonight would be his last in the massive house. After tonight there would be only two left; Adam and whoever was lucky enough to come in second place. Danny and Adam were favorites by far, everyone had been preparing for a Gokey/Glambert finale for weeks. But maybe, just maybe, he’d done enough to squeak past Danny for that coveted second place finish. The show dragged on, Ryan delaying and delaying and delaying. Throughout the show it seemed that Adam and Kris were constantly in contact, whether holding hands or just placing reassuring hands on shoulders, or even comparing their now matching nail polish.
“Can’t you just tell us already? I just want it to be over.” Danny whispered to the host during one of the commercial breaks. They’d all been feeling it, but neither Adam nor Kris had been able to voice their feelings. When the show returned to air Ryan goaded Danny for his remarks, but the older man just smiled and shrugged. He had spoken his mind, their collective mind, why apologize for that? Finally, after what felt like an eternity to the trio, it was time to discover their fate. Kris put a good-natured grin on his face, knowing beyond a doubt that it would be he who would not be performing the next week but trying to look as though he was confident in his chance of survival.
“The first person in the finale is….” The seconds seemed like hours as Ryan dragged. “Kris Allen!” He didn’t think he’d heard properly. He was in the finale?! Walking silently to the other side of the host, Kris was trying to wrap his head around it. Adam pressed his hand over his eyes, not wanting to hear that, after all of the fanfare surrounding him, he would not be in the finale. Kris felt a knot forming in his stomach - after everything, would the golden-boy of season 8 falter? When, moments later, Ryan announced that it would be Adam joining Kris in the finale, the knot released itself and a feeling of all-consuming relief spread throughout the young man. Adam is safe he thought Adam is safe. Kris and Adam, wearing matching grins, embraced each other quickly before moving aside and allowing Danny to take the stage.
“Congratulations, man,” Gokey said, placing his hand on Kris’ shoulder, a sincere smile on his face. “You deserve it.”
“You did, too, probably more,” Kris replied, rubbing the back of his neck in the way he did when he was being humble. Danny smiled and moved on to congratulate Adam. Kris’ eyes followed the fallen friend to the far corner of the room where Adam stood with his family, laughing and joking as always. Kris smiled wider than he had all day; now that the nerves were gone he felt an almost joyous relief. He saw Danny reach up and tap Adam gently on the shoulder, getting his attention subtly. He watched as their lips moved in congratulations and condolences and saw the genuine hurt in Adam’s stormy eyes for the widower. When they embraced, Adam pulling Danny into a tight hug, those bright blue eyes flickered up and met the deep, soulful brown ones that were surreptitiously watching. He flashed a quick grin and mouthed his congratulations before turning back to his family. Kris knew the two would talk once they were back at the house; celebrate their survival and mourn Danny’s departure.
“Kris?” the soft, sweet southern accent of his beautiful wife caused him to whip his head around.
“Hey,” he said, grinning at her and pulling her into a friendly hug. He kissed her on the cheek and took her hand in his.
“I need to talk to you, sweetie,” she said, unshed tears rimming her eyes.
“OK, do you want to go somewhere else?”
“It’d probably be a good idea,” she agreed and followed him through the halls to a small, unoccupied room.
“Can you believe it? I mean, I knew Adam would make it, he’s got an amazing voice, but can you believe that I’m in the finale with him?” Kris couldn’t contain his excitement, he wanted to celebrate and he figured he should do it with Katy, even though he wanted nothing more than to run off and find Adam again, pry him away from his family. Katy sat on the lone sofa that occupied the room and patted the seat next to her, an obvious invitation to be seated. For the first time it registered with Kris that something was off, that she seemed upset rather than excited. “What’s wrong?” he asked, a perplexed look crossing his face. “Aren’t you excited?”
“I’m so proud of you, baby, and so excited,” she responded, but the tears in her eyes began silently running down her face. No longer could these be mistaken for tears of joy.
“Then what’s wrong? I don’t understand.”
Katy took a deep, steadying breath before she began. “You don’t even see me anymore, Kris. Everything is ‘Adam this’ and ‘Adam that’ and you don’t even realize what’s happening, what’s happened. “
“What do you mean?” the confusion etched on his face grew deeper still.
“It’s OK, I understand, I’ll be OK. I just want you to be happy, Kris, even if that breaks my heart.”
“Katy, what are you -”
“You love him, Kris, I can see that. Heck, all of American can see that. Everyone but you can see that. The way you look at him, watch him. And that smile, the one that was on your face when I found you tonight? I’ve never seen that smile, not once. Not aimed at me, at least. That smile is for Adam Lambert and Adam Lambert alone. I knew when you left for the show that this would be hard, so many marriages fail in their first year even without all the added stress. I was afraid you’d move to Hollywood and meet some beautiful, talented person and fall in love with them. And I was right; I just didn’t expect it to be another man. I love you, Kris, but you don’t love me. Not anymore. Not like you love him.” Katy pressed her hand into Kris’ and he felt something cold, metallic between their hands. Katy leaned in and kissed him on the lips for one last time. “Goodbye, Kris,” she said, standing and quickly fleeing the room. Kris closed his fist around the two rings Katy had placed there and shut his eyes momentarily.
He sat there, in stunned silence, staring off into the distance and trying to figure out where it had all gone wrong. What had Katy meant about Kris loving Adam? He’s my best friend, that’s all. Kris thought to himself. He closed his eyes tight and rubbed his calloused fingers over the lids, trying to understand. He wasn’t upset, really, just confused, but that only served to baffle him even more. He should be more upset, he knew that, his wife just left him, but he couldn’t find it in him to be truly hurt. You don’t even see me anymore, Kris, the words echoed in his mind. Of course he saw her! He spoke to her everyday and after every show, whether she was with him in Los Angeles or back in Conway. They would talk for hours, rehashing the show and the performances, Adam’s performances Kris thought to himself with a groan, or just talk about their days. Of course Adam figured prominently in the man’s days, they were roommates and best friends, they were spending almost every minute together. But I spent just as much time with everyone else, with Danny and Allison before they left he realized as another sigh escaped his slightly chapped lips.
For weeks, months, Kris’ attention had been focused on Adam, on his eccentric performances and constantly upbeat attitude. But everyone’s had, hadn’t it? Adam was the center of attention all the time; it was where he was comfortable, where he was happy. But, Kris realized, he wasn’t performing, commanding attention, when they were unwinding, relaxing. And that’s when Kris noticed him the most, noticed the way the dark, smudged eyeliner brought out the sparkle in his blue-gray eyes, or the way his smile seemed to light up his weary features, the way his freckles were scattered across his face. As the weeks had progressed he had learned to read Adam in a way he could read no one else. Not even Katy. The slightest look, the most miniscule gesture, spoke volumes to the humble southerner.
“Kris? Are you in here?” Adam’s cheerful voice rang out as he poked his head into the small room where Katy and Kris had retreated to. His eyes quickly scanned the room, finding Kris sitting hunched over on the sofa, eyes close, hand gently rubbing the back of his neck. The younger man’s eyes opened slowly at the sound of his best friend’s voice, surprise at the sudden appearance showing in his deep eyes. Adam could tell instantly that something wasn’t right, that something had happened between the end of the show and now, less than an hour later. He swiftly, gracefully, closed the distance and sat next to Kris, placing his arm around the soft-spoken Arkansas native. “What’s wrong?” Kris didn’t reply, he simply unfurled his still-clenched fist to reveal the glint of white gold and diamond. “Oh Kris,” Adam said, pulling his friend into a tight hug, holding him close. “What happened?”
Being in Adam’s arms helped Kris more than he cared to admit. “She’s gone. She-she just left.” He couldn’t bring himself to tell Adam what Katy had said, not just yet anyway.
“Are you alright?” Adam knew it was a stupid thing to ask; of course he wasn’t alright, his wife had just left him for Christ’s sake.
“It’s still processing,” came the soft reply, muted by the fabric of Adam’s t-shirt.
“C’mon, let’s get back to the house, you need to sleep.” Kris nodded into Adam’s shoulder and let the older man pull him up. Kris followed Adam blindly, still thinking over everything that Katy had said, and relishing in the warm tingle that seemed to be emanating from Adam’s hand on his back.
The week between the top 3 and the finale seemed to fly past. The boys went from rehearsal to rehearsal, moving from location to location in an exhaustion-induced haze. Kris sang his songs and hit his moves but his mind was occupied elsewhere. All week he had been hyper-aware of Adam, of his proximity, of his facial expressions, of the sexuality that just seemed to ooze from his pores, it was driving him insane. When there was a break in the rehearsals Kris found himself gravitating towards the glamorous rock star, wanting to just be close to him, to feel the warmth that radiated from his freckled skin.
Adam, for his part, had noticed Kris’ distraction but chalked it up to a combination of nerves about the show and conflicting emotions over the whole Katy thing. He still didn’t know what the adorable blonde had told her husband, but he knew it must have been something extraordinary to throw Kris into such a stupor. Throughout the rehearsals he threw Kris concerned looks, wanting to help but not wanting to force him into talking if he wasn’t ready. Adam sighed, whatever Katy had done to Kris he wanted to make it better, wanted to take away the pain.
The show and results show came and went, neither contestant on the top of their game, though Adam thought Kris may have had a bit more emotion behind his “Ain’t No Sunshine” than usual. Both contestants were exhausted and distracted; nevertheless neither could stop the smiles from crossing their faces while they were performing with KISS and Queen. When it was time for Ryan to announce who the new Idol was neither of them really cared. They just wanted it all to be over, wanted to be able to go home and sleep and know that they never had to compete with anybody again, just record a great album and entertain the world. Each man thought the other was a shoo-in so both were prepared to answer questions about coming in second. They also each genuinely wanted the other to win; felt the other deserved it so much more than they. When Ryan finally called out Kris’ name it took a moment to register. Adam held his shoulders and shook him slightly.
“You won!” Kris took the microphone from Ryan, still looking stunned.
“Adam deserved it,” he muttered before the intro to “No Boundaries” began.
And then it was over. The cameras were turned off, the confetti was strewn across the floor, and Ryan’s smile had been unscrewed and put away for another day. The rest of the top 13 mobbed the new American Idol but the smile on Kris’ face had the air of insincerity. Only Adam seemed to notice. Katy, who had remained in order to keep up appearances, hugged Kris, tears in her eyes.
“Congratulations,” she whispered before letting go for the last time. Then she did something that surprised Adam more than anything; she walked over to him and threw her arms around his tall frame. “I know I have no right to ask you for anything, but please, take care of him. He’s yours now, and he doesn’t deserve to be hurt,” she breathed before letting go and walking away, throwing one last pleading look in Adam’s direction, meeting the confusion that played across his features.
As the mob crowded around Kris, even as Katy held him one more time, his eyes scanned the crowd for Adam. He found him quickly, across the room, but couldn’t get away to go to him. He watched in silence as Katy approached the beautiful 27 year old and hugged him in much the same way he’d just been hugged. He sighed, but felt next to nothing. Nothing for Katy, that is. He felt a sudden surprising surge of jealousy, wishing that it was he who was being held there in Adam’s embrace. By the time he’d torn himself away from the crowd Adam has disappeared, probably catching a breather before doing press. He searched through all the rooms and alcoves backstage until Kris found him, standing alone by the far wall of the greenroom. Without thinking he ran up behind him and threw his arms around Adam’s waist, hugging the massive frame to his own smaller one. Adam turned around with a smile on his facing, knowing instinctually who it would be. He was pleased to find the smile that rested on Kris’ lips now was genuine. Adam opened his mouth to make some snarky comment about Kris’ win but he was interrupted by Kris’ lips, crashing down upon his own.
Kris didn’t know what had made him do it, but he knew the instant their lips met that it was what he wanted more than anything. Katy was right; I love him he mused to himself in a last coherent thought before momentarily succumbing to the wonder that was Adam Lambert’s lips. Adam pulled away after a brief moment; he’d been completely caught off guard - something that was very rare.
“Kris, what are you doing?” he asked, voice thick with desires that he had been denying for what seemed like forever.
“I love you, Adam Lambert. You wanted to know why Katy left me, that’s why. She left me because I am more in love with you that I would’ve thought possible, and she saw it well before I realized it myself.” There was a short, slightly awkward silence in which Adam shifted uncomfortably from leg to leg, twisting his ring around his finger.
“Kris, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Katy doesn’t know what she’s talking about. You don’t love me.” The sadness in voice reached a peak as he finished his thought.
“Yes, I do.” Kris kissed Adam again, this time running his fingers through the silky black strands of Adam’s hair. Adam, despite the war raging inside himself, kissed back eagerly. This time it was Kris who broke away, attempting to catch his breath. Adam rested his forehead against the Idol’s and kept his eyes shut, afraid that were he to open them he would wake up and Kris would be gone.
“I love you, too, Mr. Idol,” he murmured before gently brushing his lips against Kris’ smile once more.