Fic: Beat Your Love Out Of My Chest (1/?)
Title: Beat Your love Out Of My Chest
Author:
claire_kay
Rating: PG-13ish. A few naughty words.
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Summary: You can convince yourself time has healed, but the scars still show. Sequel to If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It. Which you can find HERE
Notes: *WAVES* Hi. guh. So here it is the first part which I am super nervous about posting. Such a dork I know. This really is setting up for what happens next and just painting a picture of where we are at, which I hope shows. There is a time jump here, I went back and forward whether to carry on from where I left or to do this and it turned out I had more ideas and inspiration with this way, so yeah. I hope you guys enjoy this and thank you again to everyone who read If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It, and the comments on the last chapter, I think I repeated myself a lot but I do appreciate all the comments. Any mistakes in this are my own. Anyway, I'll shut up now lol. :) x
Disclaimer: This never happened, and I don't own anyone or anything in this chapter. Except I do have a bottle of Tequila in my fridge. ;)
Beat Your Love Out Of My Chest
Chapter One: Where I Fall
The trouble was Adam wasn't nearly as drunk as he wanted to be at this late part of the night. He had a plan so perfectly laid out and it seemed like a drink with Danny Gokey and one self deprecating thought and here he was. He was usually the one on the dance floor at parties, making sure everyone was having a good time and passing all the drinks around, not the one sat depressed in the corner.
Of course this wasn't just any usual party. This was his thirtieth birthday party. So perhaps he had a reason to be sat in the corner with a very drunk Danny and a bottle of tequila between them. Most of the time Danny's drunken state would amuse Adam very much, normally because Danny would start to rant away about being old and alone and destined to be single forever but instead of the laughter that usually came Adam found himself relating to the man's words.
It might have been the drink, he was consuming more and more as Danny spoke, hoping that the more he drank the easier it would be to drown Danny out but all it did was make the things he said seem more truthful and he wasn't quite sure when it had happened but he found himself nodding along with Danny and nearly falling off his chair on several occasions after having agreed so vigorously that he lost his balance.
Adam didn't care about turning thirty, in fact he had spent the last year telling everyone that very fact but now it was here it all seemed to mean something else because as he looked around the room and saw his friends all coupled up and whispering away in corners he felt two familiar feelings; one being nausea because the amount of PDA in the room was far too much and two a full on large amount of jealousy because why the hell shouldn't he be in a dark corner of the room with someone? It was his fucking birthday after all.
He could hear Danny singing along to music filling the room, loudly and not relating to any tune at all and he wondered if this was just the cruel plan destiny had for him. Maybe love only finds you once, he looked at Danny still singing along unaware of anyone in the room, he had loved and lost and after years of living his life had still found no one who touch what he felt for his wife and Adam had lived his life he had let himself get caught up in the whirlwind of years that followed American Idol, tours, albums, friends and parties and it had been enough, it had been everything he wanted and needed, and as time had gone on it filled a void that he thought would never get filled.
But what if that one chance of love had been it? And all that was left was this now, nights out with friends and then back to a bed half empty still missing the person that he wanted to fill that empty space. It wasn't like he hadn't dated, he had thrown himself into meeting someone else, person after person and nothing seemed to feel right and after a while he did the only thing he knew how he pushed and pushed until they were gone.
“The thing is Adam...” Adam could just about hear Danny over the music and through his slurred speech. “You and me... maybe we are just destined to be alone... some people just are...”
Danny looked down sadly into his glass and quickly drank the shot. “I mean we'll never really be alone... we'll always have each other...”
“That's a depressing thought.” Adam threw another shot back and he didn't care too much that there wasn't much humour in his voice because he was pretty sure Danny was too far gone to give a shit.
“It's true though. You think about... who has been there for you all these years?”
Adam sighed heavily and looked down into the empty shot glass, he already missed the liquid that had just been there. He wanted the glass full and he reached his hand across the table without looking but Danny had beat him to it and was pouring into the glass, well mostly the glass the rest had found its way across the table.
“Oops.” Danny smiled widely, far too amused by literally anything right now and Adam felt compelled to burst out laughing because the one thing he had learnt over the years was that Danny Gokey was the worst drunk ever.
“What we were talking about?” Danny's laughter wore off and his expression changed to one of confusion.
“You were asking me who has been there for me all these years...”
“That's right! And you know who has? Me... and you have been there for me and that means something man... I don't really know what...”
Adam nodded. “I think it means that we are a couple of losers who can't make any new friends.”
“Yes!”
Adam threw back the shot Danny had just poured and sighed heavily again. “You know what bugs me, this is my birthday party and I don't even know half these people here and I should be out there mingling and talking and having a good time and yet I'm here with you feeling sorry for myself. Look at Matt and Allison...” Adam gestured to the dance floor where Allison was flying her newly coloured purple hair around while Matt danced like an idiot closely by her side. “... They are having fun but they have no idea because right now they're thinking oh this great just float around in my twenties I'll have fun, fall in love and then bam!”
“Bam!” Danny was shouting and banging his hands against the table and clearly enjoying Adam's new trip into depression. Adam threw his head against the table which was sticky from the tequila and he immediately regretted it. He could hear Danny laughing and he fought the urge to get up and kick him off his chair.
He stayed there for a while, head pressed against the cold wood of the table he rarely let his mind wander to a time when people like Danny had first entered his life. A whole year when he felt himself change and grow, lessons learnt and hearts broken. He never let himself go there, pulling himself back and distracting himself with something else. It had been finding that harder than ever to do recently for some reason he found himself dreaming of a time long ago. His old apartment and the smell that had been left behind, the things that hadn't belonged to him that he had thrown out in a moment of anger. He was back there, he was alone the entire apartment was empty bare of furniture or pictures or anything except a key that remained on the kitchen table where Kris had left it...
“Adam fucking Lambert you are not letting Danny depress you on your birthday, I simply refuse it.” Matt was pulling his head off the table, his face determined and red from the dancing with Allison. Then Matt was turning his attention to Danny.
“I told you to make sure he had fun Danny not send him spiralling into despair.”
Danny pointed his finger out to Matt and stood up from his chair. “I'll have you know... me and Adam are having an amazing time, me and him have always been there for each other and that means something...”
Matt shook his head. “Danny. You're talking shit. Sit down.”
“Okay.” Danny lowered himself to sit down and Adam wasn't entirely sure what happened because one minute Danny was there and then he wasn't and there was a loud crash. He moved as Matt did to peer over the table and Danny was laid out on the floor his whole body shaking with laughter.
Adam lowered his body to his own chair and then Matt's eyes were on him again. “Is it the thirty thing? Because its not a big deal you know...”
Adam shrugged. “I thought that I didn't care about shit like that. But I don't know, maybe I do...”
Matt laughed and shook his head. “You don't even know what it is do you? You're just feeling sorry for yourself. You should really snap out of though otherwise I'll have to send Alli over and well I think we both know I'm the better alternative.”
“I'm fine. I'm just not in the mood for all this, I just wanted it to be you guys and...”
“Since when does Adam Lambert not like a huge fucking party that revolves all around him?”
“Since I turned thirty?” Adam found himself giggling along to his words and he knew that it really wasn't that funny and yet he couldn't stop the laughter from coming.
He could feel Matt's eyes on him as the laughter wore off, and he wanted to tell Matt to fuck off because he seriously hated the way that Matt would try and figure out exactly what was going on inside his head. He knew what was coming and he waited for Matt to speak the words.
“Is this about Kris?”
Adam sighed heavily, talk of Kris seemed to have been banned around Adam after the tour had finished because Kris had kept his last promise to Adam well. He was never at the same events Adam was at, if a party was thrown that they both had to attend there was always someone there at his side, making sure the distance between them was kept. Kris never looked at him, and he never called. It was as if the main part of that year of his life had never even happened.
“Shhh...” Danny was back on his chair with his finger over his lips and his glasses slightly wonky on his face. “Don't say the K word...”
“For fuck sake we can talk about him you know, I'm not going to burst out crying every time someone mentions his name.”
Although he wouldn't blame either of them for thinking it. The months after Kris had left Adam weren't exactly the easiest and being held up in close quarters to someone you wanted so desperately and could never have had taken its toll on Adam. He lost count of how many nights Danny had walked in to find Adam sitting sadly in the corner tears streaming down his face. It was hard to keep a happy atmosphere when everyone was feeling such animosity and it wasn't Adam's intention to have Matt and Danny be so mad at Kris but they were and as they all sung together each night, Adam one side of the stage and Kris the other he wondered how more people didn't notice the tension between the entire group.
After a few weeks Adam found the boys tour bus far too claustrophobic and he swapped with Megan who was more than happy to have the time with Anoop and said she could deal with those men better than anyone else could anyway. He pretty much loved Megan for that.
“And why would this even be about him?” Adam had poured himself another drink and was quickly knocking it back.
Matt shrugged. “It's been a while since we've all been together like this and it's hard not to notice the one missing piece of the group.”
It was true, Adam couldn't remember the last time they had all been together like this and he would never admit it to any of them but as they had each entered the room he had watched the door waiting for the final person to walk through.
“It's not about him.” Adam tried to keep his voice as cold as possible.
Matt nodded and Danny was still sat with his finger pressed against his lips clearly still trying to get Matt to be quiet.
“The thing is Adam...” Matt sighed heavily. “Me and Gokey here have been through this whole thing with you all right and well I sort of know what the look on your face right now means... it looks a lot like how you did three years ago...”
“It's not about that and besides I wasn't that bad...”
Matt was laughing a little and Adam was pretty sure the reason he found it so irritating was because of the amount of alcohol he had consumed, either that or Matt was just really annoying, both were equally likely. “Have you listened to your first album? You may as well have called it “Kris Allen I love you but you broke my heart so fucking screw you.”
“Hmm, catchy... maybe I'll call the next one that.” Adam knew that trying to make light of the situation wouldn't work with Matt right now, he was far too determined and when he got like this it was hard to break him. But he could hear Danny snickering under his hand which was now covering his mouth.
“Make yourself useful Gokey and fall on the floor again.” Matt pushed Danny hard enough that he lost his balance and fell on the floor again. All he could hear above the music was Danny's hysterical laughter.
“Look Adam, you can tell me to fuck off and that you don't want to talk about it. But... you know it's Anoop and Megan's wedding next week...”
Shit. He heard himself laugh again, just at the ridiculousness of it all. Anoop and Megan. Wedding. That was the one thing he had never seen coming, the one thing he never would have put any money on. But he had watched them on so many occasions, so obliviously happy and caught up in one another still after all this time. He could hear Matt laughing along as well.
“I know, it's crazy right?”
Adam nodded, it was crazy. And yet it also made perfect sense, because really who was he to judge anyone else's love. He who couldn't find anyone to fucking love him at all.
“But you know he's going to be there right?”
He hadn't known that actually because he hadn't even thought about it. Suddenly he wanted to drink more just so he could forget. It was like this wedding was taking place in L.A where he could go and hide away and not have to deal with seeing Kris. Anoop and Megan had planned this whole event, away in the middle of god knows where for two whole damn weeks.
For some reason the last three years of having moved on seemed to stand for nothing. Adam searched through his mind for the last time he had really seen Kris, not from some party across the room their eyes never meeting, really seen him. All the thoughts he hadn't allowed himself to think suddenly finding him again.
What surprised him was how perfectly he could see it all, their last moment before it all filtered away. It hadn't been planned or thought out, up until that moment they had been avoiding each other with ease, so it seemed fate like that on their final night of the tour moments before going out and singing the last song they would crash into each other back stage, Kris' eyes golden brown and shining in the darkness, startled and still in Adam's grasp. The moment had been brief and fleeting and Kris was pulling away before Adam could register anything else, but it was still the last moment he had been physically close to Kris and now he could think of nothing else.
“It's going to be okay Adam.”
Adam wasn't sure but at some point Danny had climbed back onto his chair and was staring at him through cloudy eyes and Matt's hand was on his shoulder, a small comforting smile on his lips. Adam leaned forward and straightened Danny's glasses on his face.
“You really are the most pathetic drunk...”
“What about you and your “This is my party and I should be mingling and blah blah blah.” Danny had put on what he liked to call his best Adam impression but mixed with the alcohol and the general fact that his impression was crap no one other than Danny was amused.
“Oh yeah and you and your “Some people are just destined to be alone Adam, that's you and me.””
Matt shook his head. “What the fuck are you two talking about? I swear you have been living together far too long, you're like an old married couple.”
Danny jumped up out of his chair. “That's it! That's the answer. If you and me aren't married by the time we are forty then we marry each other.”
“What?” Adam heard Matt's voice along with his own followed by a lot of laughter in Matt's direction.
“It's the best solution really.”
Adam was shaking his head. “Yeah it really isn't for two reasons. One, I am more turned on by this chair I'm sitting on than you. And two, you're straight.”
“Oh yeah.”
Danny resumed his laughing after that and finished off another shot before jumping off his chair and mumbling something about finding someone to marry before he was forty.
Matt was looking at him again, the same curious eyes as before. “Come on, enjoy your party. I can see Alli spying on us and you know she'll only drag you up there anyway.”
Matt was already walking away giving him little chance to refuse. The room seemed to spin as he walked across the room, and he could see his group of friends urging him closer and he smiled as if it was all those years ago and everything was how it once was. He imagined they were all hear together and the space that was empty before was filled with the person he missed the most. It was only when he reached them did he realise it was only his imagination playing tricks on him and that no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't go back.
.
Author:
claire_kay
Rating: PG-13ish. A few naughty words.
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Summary: You can convince yourself time has healed, but the scars still show. Sequel to If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It. Which you can find HERE
Notes: *WAVES* Hi. guh. So here it is the first part which I am super nervous about posting. Such a dork I know. This really is setting up for what happens next and just painting a picture of where we are at, which I hope shows. There is a time jump here, I went back and forward whether to carry on from where I left or to do this and it turned out I had more ideas and inspiration with this way, so yeah. I hope you guys enjoy this and thank you again to everyone who read If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It, and the comments on the last chapter, I think I repeated myself a lot but I do appreciate all the comments. Any mistakes in this are my own. Anyway, I'll shut up now lol. :) x
Disclaimer: This never happened, and I don't own anyone or anything in this chapter. Except I do have a bottle of Tequila in my fridge. ;)
Beat Your Love Out Of My Chest
Chapter One: Where I Fall
The trouble was Adam wasn't nearly as drunk as he wanted to be at this late part of the night. He had a plan so perfectly laid out and it seemed like a drink with Danny Gokey and one self deprecating thought and here he was. He was usually the one on the dance floor at parties, making sure everyone was having a good time and passing all the drinks around, not the one sat depressed in the corner.
Of course this wasn't just any usual party. This was his thirtieth birthday party. So perhaps he had a reason to be sat in the corner with a very drunk Danny and a bottle of tequila between them. Most of the time Danny's drunken state would amuse Adam very much, normally because Danny would start to rant away about being old and alone and destined to be single forever but instead of the laughter that usually came Adam found himself relating to the man's words.
It might have been the drink, he was consuming more and more as Danny spoke, hoping that the more he drank the easier it would be to drown Danny out but all it did was make the things he said seem more truthful and he wasn't quite sure when it had happened but he found himself nodding along with Danny and nearly falling off his chair on several occasions after having agreed so vigorously that he lost his balance.
Adam didn't care about turning thirty, in fact he had spent the last year telling everyone that very fact but now it was here it all seemed to mean something else because as he looked around the room and saw his friends all coupled up and whispering away in corners he felt two familiar feelings; one being nausea because the amount of PDA in the room was far too much and two a full on large amount of jealousy because why the hell shouldn't he be in a dark corner of the room with someone? It was his fucking birthday after all.
He could hear Danny singing along to music filling the room, loudly and not relating to any tune at all and he wondered if this was just the cruel plan destiny had for him. Maybe love only finds you once, he looked at Danny still singing along unaware of anyone in the room, he had loved and lost and after years of living his life had still found no one who touch what he felt for his wife and Adam had lived his life he had let himself get caught up in the whirlwind of years that followed American Idol, tours, albums, friends and parties and it had been enough, it had been everything he wanted and needed, and as time had gone on it filled a void that he thought would never get filled.
But what if that one chance of love had been it? And all that was left was this now, nights out with friends and then back to a bed half empty still missing the person that he wanted to fill that empty space. It wasn't like he hadn't dated, he had thrown himself into meeting someone else, person after person and nothing seemed to feel right and after a while he did the only thing he knew how he pushed and pushed until they were gone.
“The thing is Adam...” Adam could just about hear Danny over the music and through his slurred speech. “You and me... maybe we are just destined to be alone... some people just are...”
Danny looked down sadly into his glass and quickly drank the shot. “I mean we'll never really be alone... we'll always have each other...”
“That's a depressing thought.” Adam threw another shot back and he didn't care too much that there wasn't much humour in his voice because he was pretty sure Danny was too far gone to give a shit.
“It's true though. You think about... who has been there for you all these years?”
Adam sighed heavily and looked down into the empty shot glass, he already missed the liquid that had just been there. He wanted the glass full and he reached his hand across the table without looking but Danny had beat him to it and was pouring into the glass, well mostly the glass the rest had found its way across the table.
“Oops.” Danny smiled widely, far too amused by literally anything right now and Adam felt compelled to burst out laughing because the one thing he had learnt over the years was that Danny Gokey was the worst drunk ever.
“What we were talking about?” Danny's laughter wore off and his expression changed to one of confusion.
“You were asking me who has been there for me all these years...”
“That's right! And you know who has? Me... and you have been there for me and that means something man... I don't really know what...”
Adam nodded. “I think it means that we are a couple of losers who can't make any new friends.”
“Yes!”
Adam threw back the shot Danny had just poured and sighed heavily again. “You know what bugs me, this is my birthday party and I don't even know half these people here and I should be out there mingling and talking and having a good time and yet I'm here with you feeling sorry for myself. Look at Matt and Allison...” Adam gestured to the dance floor where Allison was flying her newly coloured purple hair around while Matt danced like an idiot closely by her side. “... They are having fun but they have no idea because right now they're thinking oh this great just float around in my twenties I'll have fun, fall in love and then bam!”
“Bam!” Danny was shouting and banging his hands against the table and clearly enjoying Adam's new trip into depression. Adam threw his head against the table which was sticky from the tequila and he immediately regretted it. He could hear Danny laughing and he fought the urge to get up and kick him off his chair.
He stayed there for a while, head pressed against the cold wood of the table he rarely let his mind wander to a time when people like Danny had first entered his life. A whole year when he felt himself change and grow, lessons learnt and hearts broken. He never let himself go there, pulling himself back and distracting himself with something else. It had been finding that harder than ever to do recently for some reason he found himself dreaming of a time long ago. His old apartment and the smell that had been left behind, the things that hadn't belonged to him that he had thrown out in a moment of anger. He was back there, he was alone the entire apartment was empty bare of furniture or pictures or anything except a key that remained on the kitchen table where Kris had left it...
“Adam fucking Lambert you are not letting Danny depress you on your birthday, I simply refuse it.” Matt was pulling his head off the table, his face determined and red from the dancing with Allison. Then Matt was turning his attention to Danny.
“I told you to make sure he had fun Danny not send him spiralling into despair.”
Danny pointed his finger out to Matt and stood up from his chair. “I'll have you know... me and Adam are having an amazing time, me and him have always been there for each other and that means something...”
Matt shook his head. “Danny. You're talking shit. Sit down.”
“Okay.” Danny lowered himself to sit down and Adam wasn't entirely sure what happened because one minute Danny was there and then he wasn't and there was a loud crash. He moved as Matt did to peer over the table and Danny was laid out on the floor his whole body shaking with laughter.
Adam lowered his body to his own chair and then Matt's eyes were on him again. “Is it the thirty thing? Because its not a big deal you know...”
Adam shrugged. “I thought that I didn't care about shit like that. But I don't know, maybe I do...”
Matt laughed and shook his head. “You don't even know what it is do you? You're just feeling sorry for yourself. You should really snap out of though otherwise I'll have to send Alli over and well I think we both know I'm the better alternative.”
“I'm fine. I'm just not in the mood for all this, I just wanted it to be you guys and...”
“Since when does Adam Lambert not like a huge fucking party that revolves all around him?”
“Since I turned thirty?” Adam found himself giggling along to his words and he knew that it really wasn't that funny and yet he couldn't stop the laughter from coming.
He could feel Matt's eyes on him as the laughter wore off, and he wanted to tell Matt to fuck off because he seriously hated the way that Matt would try and figure out exactly what was going on inside his head. He knew what was coming and he waited for Matt to speak the words.
“Is this about Kris?”
Adam sighed heavily, talk of Kris seemed to have been banned around Adam after the tour had finished because Kris had kept his last promise to Adam well. He was never at the same events Adam was at, if a party was thrown that they both had to attend there was always someone there at his side, making sure the distance between them was kept. Kris never looked at him, and he never called. It was as if the main part of that year of his life had never even happened.
“Shhh...” Danny was back on his chair with his finger over his lips and his glasses slightly wonky on his face. “Don't say the K word...”
“For fuck sake we can talk about him you know, I'm not going to burst out crying every time someone mentions his name.”
Although he wouldn't blame either of them for thinking it. The months after Kris had left Adam weren't exactly the easiest and being held up in close quarters to someone you wanted so desperately and could never have had taken its toll on Adam. He lost count of how many nights Danny had walked in to find Adam sitting sadly in the corner tears streaming down his face. It was hard to keep a happy atmosphere when everyone was feeling such animosity and it wasn't Adam's intention to have Matt and Danny be so mad at Kris but they were and as they all sung together each night, Adam one side of the stage and Kris the other he wondered how more people didn't notice the tension between the entire group.
After a few weeks Adam found the boys tour bus far too claustrophobic and he swapped with Megan who was more than happy to have the time with Anoop and said she could deal with those men better than anyone else could anyway. He pretty much loved Megan for that.
“And why would this even be about him?” Adam had poured himself another drink and was quickly knocking it back.
Matt shrugged. “It's been a while since we've all been together like this and it's hard not to notice the one missing piece of the group.”
It was true, Adam couldn't remember the last time they had all been together like this and he would never admit it to any of them but as they had each entered the room he had watched the door waiting for the final person to walk through.
“It's not about him.” Adam tried to keep his voice as cold as possible.
Matt nodded and Danny was still sat with his finger pressed against his lips clearly still trying to get Matt to be quiet.
“The thing is Adam...” Matt sighed heavily. “Me and Gokey here have been through this whole thing with you all right and well I sort of know what the look on your face right now means... it looks a lot like how you did three years ago...”
“It's not about that and besides I wasn't that bad...”
Matt was laughing a little and Adam was pretty sure the reason he found it so irritating was because of the amount of alcohol he had consumed, either that or Matt was just really annoying, both were equally likely. “Have you listened to your first album? You may as well have called it “Kris Allen I love you but you broke my heart so fucking screw you.”
“Hmm, catchy... maybe I'll call the next one that.” Adam knew that trying to make light of the situation wouldn't work with Matt right now, he was far too determined and when he got like this it was hard to break him. But he could hear Danny snickering under his hand which was now covering his mouth.
“Make yourself useful Gokey and fall on the floor again.” Matt pushed Danny hard enough that he lost his balance and fell on the floor again. All he could hear above the music was Danny's hysterical laughter.
“Look Adam, you can tell me to fuck off and that you don't want to talk about it. But... you know it's Anoop and Megan's wedding next week...”
Shit. He heard himself laugh again, just at the ridiculousness of it all. Anoop and Megan. Wedding. That was the one thing he had never seen coming, the one thing he never would have put any money on. But he had watched them on so many occasions, so obliviously happy and caught up in one another still after all this time. He could hear Matt laughing along as well.
“I know, it's crazy right?”
Adam nodded, it was crazy. And yet it also made perfect sense, because really who was he to judge anyone else's love. He who couldn't find anyone to fucking love him at all.
“But you know he's going to be there right?”
He hadn't known that actually because he hadn't even thought about it. Suddenly he wanted to drink more just so he could forget. It was like this wedding was taking place in L.A where he could go and hide away and not have to deal with seeing Kris. Anoop and Megan had planned this whole event, away in the middle of god knows where for two whole damn weeks.
For some reason the last three years of having moved on seemed to stand for nothing. Adam searched through his mind for the last time he had really seen Kris, not from some party across the room their eyes never meeting, really seen him. All the thoughts he hadn't allowed himself to think suddenly finding him again.
What surprised him was how perfectly he could see it all, their last moment before it all filtered away. It hadn't been planned or thought out, up until that moment they had been avoiding each other with ease, so it seemed fate like that on their final night of the tour moments before going out and singing the last song they would crash into each other back stage, Kris' eyes golden brown and shining in the darkness, startled and still in Adam's grasp. The moment had been brief and fleeting and Kris was pulling away before Adam could register anything else, but it was still the last moment he had been physically close to Kris and now he could think of nothing else.
“It's going to be okay Adam.”
Adam wasn't sure but at some point Danny had climbed back onto his chair and was staring at him through cloudy eyes and Matt's hand was on his shoulder, a small comforting smile on his lips. Adam leaned forward and straightened Danny's glasses on his face.
“You really are the most pathetic drunk...”
“What about you and your “This is my party and I should be mingling and blah blah blah.” Danny had put on what he liked to call his best Adam impression but mixed with the alcohol and the general fact that his impression was crap no one other than Danny was amused.
“Oh yeah and you and your “Some people are just destined to be alone Adam, that's you and me.””
Matt shook his head. “What the fuck are you two talking about? I swear you have been living together far too long, you're like an old married couple.”
Danny jumped up out of his chair. “That's it! That's the answer. If you and me aren't married by the time we are forty then we marry each other.”
“What?” Adam heard Matt's voice along with his own followed by a lot of laughter in Matt's direction.
“It's the best solution really.”
Adam was shaking his head. “Yeah it really isn't for two reasons. One, I am more turned on by this chair I'm sitting on than you. And two, you're straight.”
“Oh yeah.”
Danny resumed his laughing after that and finished off another shot before jumping off his chair and mumbling something about finding someone to marry before he was forty.
Matt was looking at him again, the same curious eyes as before. “Come on, enjoy your party. I can see Alli spying on us and you know she'll only drag you up there anyway.”
Matt was already walking away giving him little chance to refuse. The room seemed to spin as he walked across the room, and he could see his group of friends urging him closer and he smiled as if it was all those years ago and everything was how it once was. He imagined they were all hear together and the space that was empty before was filled with the person he missed the most. It was only when he reached them did he realise it was only his imagination playing tricks on him and that no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't go back.
.