Fic: When I Think of You
Title: When I Think of You (1/1)
Author: whenbuffysmiles
Rating: R
Length: 1848 words
Beta: joannacullen
Summary: Kris is given the gift of dreaming about Adam
Disclaimer: Kris and Adam belong wholly to themselves. This piece if fiction and is not meant to offend.
When I Think of You
The moonlight flooded their bedroom with its ethereal light. He wasn't sure if it was the mischievous feather soft touch of its glow or the nudge of a sentimental angel that woke him from his slumber. Whichever it was, he was in its debt. It gave him the gift of watching the beauty sprawled next to him as he slept in the silence of night. Usually Adam was the nighttime voyeur, but now Kris understood the temptation to watch your lover without interruption.
His hand drifted down the plane of Adam's chest, letting the wiry black fur tickle his hand. He noticed how Adam's freckles sparkled against his creamy flesh in the incandescent glow. Hunger filled him when his journey ended at the flaccid cock lying in the full nest of curls. It would take only a stroke of his hand, a flick of his tongue or even a whispered want to bring it to a hardness that always brought them to the brink of heaven. Kris's tongue licked at his lips, begging to be brought to a feast that could bring such pleasure to the giver of its nectar.
A sigh escaped Kris as he restlessly shifted against satin sheets. His body warred with his heart, as one never wanted this moment to never end and the other wanted to wake Adam so they could fuck. But such a need was too basic for such a magical rip in time. He forced his eyes upward to look upon Adam's face. Bare of all trappings, he bore the ingenuousness of a child, but yet, in the sharp edges of his features were the marks that told of journeys through the fiery trials of manhood. Dusky eyelashes flickered as Adam dreamt. Kris could only hope that those dreams were of happy times together.
Unable to control the need to touch, Kris brushed back the curtain of black hair drifting across Adam's face. Fingertips returned to trace arched brows, down to follow the slope of his nose only to touch down on his full lips slightly parted as he breathed, and finally came to light once more on Adam's chest.
Once he had been ignorant that such passion could exist between mere mortals, but then Adam came to him with adoring eyes, and invited him into the haven of his heart. From there he couldn't turn back to living without the entrancement that only Adam could bring. No matter what the cost to the rest of his life, as long as this man loved him, then Kris was whole. Tears of gratitude rushed to fill his eyes even as his heart pounded in his chest. Even this close, he felt an overwhelming loneliness while Adam was away dreaming.
Kris could almost hear the rustling sigh of his angel as she came to answer his silent prayer. The rugged body beneath his hand stirred while Adam's eyelids fluttered in the throes of first wakefulness. Kris's heart sang in delight even as guilt tugged at him for taking Adam away from whatever dream had held him. Adam's sleepy eyes searched first for Kris as he came back to the earthly plane.
"Baby?" Adam whispered, as he engulfed Kris's hand with his own. "Is everything alright?"
"Everything is now," Kris said. "I've missed you."
"I've been right here," he replied, the tone of his voice gentle and honest
Kris kissed Adam's shoulder, before he replied. "You're too far away when you're asleep."
"Was dreaming of you," Adam said, turning to burrow against Kris, laying his head down on his chest.
Kris gathered Adam to him, taking the brunt of his weight, as their bodies entwined until they were one. He ran his fingers through the raven black hair tickling his chin while Adam's contented sigh drifted across his chest.
"Was the dream good?" Kris asked, staring reflectively at the stars twinkling in the night sky outside the window.
"Not as good as this," Adam said, while his fingers stroked along Kris's hip. "Nothing is as good."
"I love you," Kris said, softly.
"Love you, too."
Kris felt the seduction of night stealing Adam away from him again coupled with a desperate tug of despair at being left behind. When the moon slid behind a cloud, Kris knew the angel's spell was broken. He whispered a barely audible thank you as he imagined the flutter of her wings propelling her away. Then, he took Adam's hand as he followed him into a dream that could only pale in comparison to the beauty of their reality.
Except it wasn't a dream that welcomed him, it was as much hell as the other side had been heaven. Darkness enveloped him while he felt the rumbling of Satan's thunder beneath him. He reached a hand out only to find that there was nowhere to go. He was trapped here. The disorientation that he first felt gave way to an all-encompassing fear. He heard a whimper and it took a second to realize that it was him.
Was he dead?
Buried alive in a coffin?
Why couldn't he have stayed with Adam in that beautiful place?
Why was he being tortured?
Was this a nightmare?
Tears were running down his face as his heart raced in his chest. Adrenaline was flooding his system. Panic was winning and he wanted to scream for someone to pull him from this damnation.
How could this be reality? Or was being with Adam his reality?
Except that wasn't right either. He rubbed his face trying to wipe away it all away. His wedding band scratched his cheek. His mind cleared with that minute pinch. He took a deep breath as he rolled onto his side to push away the privacy curtain of his bunk. Adam's sleeping face was there, just across the aisle, but so far away from him. He needed air. He needed to process the dream and the reality of waking.
The night was rolling past the windows of their tour bus as he sat on one of the benches, pulling his feet under him and staring out onto the highway. In a few hours, they would be in another city. The day would unfold just the way it had yesterday, and it would again tomorrow with all their signs, all the pictures, all the stories of how their friendship had changed them and all of them were slowly cutting his heart to shreds.
"You okay?" Adam's soft voice of concern broke through his frustrated pain.
"I don't know," Kris replied, continuing to gaze out the window…at Adam's reflection.
Then he was there, with all his concern written plainly on his face. Kris smiled at the messy hair that few would ever see, the face bare of makeup and the sleep that still clung to his eyelashes. This was Adam at his most beautiful. Kris's hand was grasped in Adam's larger, like a child to a father, and he squeezed it tight.
"What happened? I heard you get up. Was it a nightmare?"
"No," Kris couldn't lie, not again, not when the dream was still there, just on the edge of his conscious. "The dream was the most beautiful thing I've ever felt." He dared to look deep into Adam's blue eyes; he wanted to see his first reaction. "It was the waking that was the nightmare."
"Damn. Must have been one hell of a dream. Was it about Katy?"
Katy. Oh god, his precious beautiful wife who he vowed to love forever, but now seemed to be farther away with each passing day. He shook his head afraid to say her name aloud. He couldn't. Not in this moment that was only for them.
"It was of…you," Kris breathed. "Of us."
"What?" Adam said, recoiling. "Us? What are you talking about?"
It hurt more than he ever thought it would. Kris couldn't stop the tears that overflowed as he pulled away from Adam. It was the middle of the night. Didn't some people say that the time between midnight and dawn was another reality? If they both dropped the subject now, it could still be forgotten.
"Forget I said anything," Kris said. With an abrupt hand, he dashed away the tears. "I'm still feeling out of it. When I woke up, I thought I was in a coffin or something."
"No," Adam demanded, scooting closer. He cupped Kris's cheek, forcing eye contact between them again. "You don't get to drop something like that and let it go."
"I didn't really say anything."
He had to lie. Anything so he could get through this with a little dignity.
"Yes, you did," Adam said, with precise precision. "You said you dreamed of me, of us and that it was beautiful. Tell me about it." When Kris remained silent, his voice softened and he pleaded, "Please."
It was the hope that Kris saw in Adam's eyes that made him let go of all his fears and hesitations. Maybe he would be rejected, but he needed to say it. Maybe he had a chance.
Kris wrapped Adam's hand between his as he gathered the strength to let his heart lead the way. "You were sleeping…and I was watching you." He swallowed. "I was thinking how beautiful you were in the moonlight. How lucky I was that you loved me and that I loved you."
"You think I’m beautiful?"
"What?" Kris said aloud. How could Adam ask that? Kris was standing on a ledge wondering if he was going to be laughed at and Adam had asked him if he was beautiful. He blinked as he tried to gather himself and it was then that he saw that Adam's eyes held the same fears as he did. How much time had they wasted?
Letting go, he reached out his hand to brush Adam's hair off his forehead. He let his fingers follow the same path they had in the dream. He could feel Adam relax with each stroke.
"You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," Kris confessed. "Physically, yes, but in every other way as well. So much so that I can't help but love you."
"I love you, too," Adam in such a reverent tone that it made Kris shiver in wonder.
Kris wanted to explore all the feelings coursing through him, but someone snored in the sleeping compartment, reminding him they weren't alone. He shifted so that his back was against the wall, pulling Adam to him. They settled with Kris's arms holding Adam tight, as his head rested on Kris's chest.
With each mile they put behind them, Kris let go of everything but the love he had for the man in his arms. They whispered to each other all the things they hadn't been free to say before, their dreams and hopes for the future. Through the night, they sealed their love with promises to always be there for each other.
And as they passed the Massachusetts state line, Kris swore he heard the flutter of wings as night gave way to the approaching dawn.
…the end
Author: whenbuffysmiles
Rating: R
Length: 1848 words
Beta: joannacullen
Summary: Kris is given the gift of dreaming about Adam
Disclaimer: Kris and Adam belong wholly to themselves. This piece if fiction and is not meant to offend.
When I Think of You
The moonlight flooded their bedroom with its ethereal light. He wasn't sure if it was the mischievous feather soft touch of its glow or the nudge of a sentimental angel that woke him from his slumber. Whichever it was, he was in its debt. It gave him the gift of watching the beauty sprawled next to him as he slept in the silence of night. Usually Adam was the nighttime voyeur, but now Kris understood the temptation to watch your lover without interruption.
His hand drifted down the plane of Adam's chest, letting the wiry black fur tickle his hand. He noticed how Adam's freckles sparkled against his creamy flesh in the incandescent glow. Hunger filled him when his journey ended at the flaccid cock lying in the full nest of curls. It would take only a stroke of his hand, a flick of his tongue or even a whispered want to bring it to a hardness that always brought them to the brink of heaven. Kris's tongue licked at his lips, begging to be brought to a feast that could bring such pleasure to the giver of its nectar.
A sigh escaped Kris as he restlessly shifted against satin sheets. His body warred with his heart, as one never wanted this moment to never end and the other wanted to wake Adam so they could fuck. But such a need was too basic for such a magical rip in time. He forced his eyes upward to look upon Adam's face. Bare of all trappings, he bore the ingenuousness of a child, but yet, in the sharp edges of his features were the marks that told of journeys through the fiery trials of manhood. Dusky eyelashes flickered as Adam dreamt. Kris could only hope that those dreams were of happy times together.
Unable to control the need to touch, Kris brushed back the curtain of black hair drifting across Adam's face. Fingertips returned to trace arched brows, down to follow the slope of his nose only to touch down on his full lips slightly parted as he breathed, and finally came to light once more on Adam's chest.
Once he had been ignorant that such passion could exist between mere mortals, but then Adam came to him with adoring eyes, and invited him into the haven of his heart. From there he couldn't turn back to living without the entrancement that only Adam could bring. No matter what the cost to the rest of his life, as long as this man loved him, then Kris was whole. Tears of gratitude rushed to fill his eyes even as his heart pounded in his chest. Even this close, he felt an overwhelming loneliness while Adam was away dreaming.
Kris could almost hear the rustling sigh of his angel as she came to answer his silent prayer. The rugged body beneath his hand stirred while Adam's eyelids fluttered in the throes of first wakefulness. Kris's heart sang in delight even as guilt tugged at him for taking Adam away from whatever dream had held him. Adam's sleepy eyes searched first for Kris as he came back to the earthly plane.
"Baby?" Adam whispered, as he engulfed Kris's hand with his own. "Is everything alright?"
"Everything is now," Kris said. "I've missed you."
"I've been right here," he replied, the tone of his voice gentle and honest
Kris kissed Adam's shoulder, before he replied. "You're too far away when you're asleep."
"Was dreaming of you," Adam said, turning to burrow against Kris, laying his head down on his chest.
Kris gathered Adam to him, taking the brunt of his weight, as their bodies entwined until they were one. He ran his fingers through the raven black hair tickling his chin while Adam's contented sigh drifted across his chest.
"Was the dream good?" Kris asked, staring reflectively at the stars twinkling in the night sky outside the window.
"Not as good as this," Adam said, while his fingers stroked along Kris's hip. "Nothing is as good."
"I love you," Kris said, softly.
"Love you, too."
Kris felt the seduction of night stealing Adam away from him again coupled with a desperate tug of despair at being left behind. When the moon slid behind a cloud, Kris knew the angel's spell was broken. He whispered a barely audible thank you as he imagined the flutter of her wings propelling her away. Then, he took Adam's hand as he followed him into a dream that could only pale in comparison to the beauty of their reality.
Except it wasn't a dream that welcomed him, it was as much hell as the other side had been heaven. Darkness enveloped him while he felt the rumbling of Satan's thunder beneath him. He reached a hand out only to find that there was nowhere to go. He was trapped here. The disorientation that he first felt gave way to an all-encompassing fear. He heard a whimper and it took a second to realize that it was him.
Was he dead?
Buried alive in a coffin?
Why couldn't he have stayed with Adam in that beautiful place?
Why was he being tortured?
Was this a nightmare?
Tears were running down his face as his heart raced in his chest. Adrenaline was flooding his system. Panic was winning and he wanted to scream for someone to pull him from this damnation.
How could this be reality? Or was being with Adam his reality?
Except that wasn't right either. He rubbed his face trying to wipe away it all away. His wedding band scratched his cheek. His mind cleared with that minute pinch. He took a deep breath as he rolled onto his side to push away the privacy curtain of his bunk. Adam's sleeping face was there, just across the aisle, but so far away from him. He needed air. He needed to process the dream and the reality of waking.
The night was rolling past the windows of their tour bus as he sat on one of the benches, pulling his feet under him and staring out onto the highway. In a few hours, they would be in another city. The day would unfold just the way it had yesterday, and it would again tomorrow with all their signs, all the pictures, all the stories of how their friendship had changed them and all of them were slowly cutting his heart to shreds.
"You okay?" Adam's soft voice of concern broke through his frustrated pain.
"I don't know," Kris replied, continuing to gaze out the window…at Adam's reflection.
Then he was there, with all his concern written plainly on his face. Kris smiled at the messy hair that few would ever see, the face bare of makeup and the sleep that still clung to his eyelashes. This was Adam at his most beautiful. Kris's hand was grasped in Adam's larger, like a child to a father, and he squeezed it tight.
"What happened? I heard you get up. Was it a nightmare?"
"No," Kris couldn't lie, not again, not when the dream was still there, just on the edge of his conscious. "The dream was the most beautiful thing I've ever felt." He dared to look deep into Adam's blue eyes; he wanted to see his first reaction. "It was the waking that was the nightmare."
"Damn. Must have been one hell of a dream. Was it about Katy?"
Katy. Oh god, his precious beautiful wife who he vowed to love forever, but now seemed to be farther away with each passing day. He shook his head afraid to say her name aloud. He couldn't. Not in this moment that was only for them.
"It was of…you," Kris breathed. "Of us."
"What?" Adam said, recoiling. "Us? What are you talking about?"
It hurt more than he ever thought it would. Kris couldn't stop the tears that overflowed as he pulled away from Adam. It was the middle of the night. Didn't some people say that the time between midnight and dawn was another reality? If they both dropped the subject now, it could still be forgotten.
"Forget I said anything," Kris said. With an abrupt hand, he dashed away the tears. "I'm still feeling out of it. When I woke up, I thought I was in a coffin or something."
"No," Adam demanded, scooting closer. He cupped Kris's cheek, forcing eye contact between them again. "You don't get to drop something like that and let it go."
"I didn't really say anything."
He had to lie. Anything so he could get through this with a little dignity.
"Yes, you did," Adam said, with precise precision. "You said you dreamed of me, of us and that it was beautiful. Tell me about it." When Kris remained silent, his voice softened and he pleaded, "Please."
It was the hope that Kris saw in Adam's eyes that made him let go of all his fears and hesitations. Maybe he would be rejected, but he needed to say it. Maybe he had a chance.
Kris wrapped Adam's hand between his as he gathered the strength to let his heart lead the way. "You were sleeping…and I was watching you." He swallowed. "I was thinking how beautiful you were in the moonlight. How lucky I was that you loved me and that I loved you."
"You think I’m beautiful?"
"What?" Kris said aloud. How could Adam ask that? Kris was standing on a ledge wondering if he was going to be laughed at and Adam had asked him if he was beautiful. He blinked as he tried to gather himself and it was then that he saw that Adam's eyes held the same fears as he did. How much time had they wasted?
Letting go, he reached out his hand to brush Adam's hair off his forehead. He let his fingers follow the same path they had in the dream. He could feel Adam relax with each stroke.
"You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," Kris confessed. "Physically, yes, but in every other way as well. So much so that I can't help but love you."
"I love you, too," Adam in such a reverent tone that it made Kris shiver in wonder.
Kris wanted to explore all the feelings coursing through him, but someone snored in the sleeping compartment, reminding him they weren't alone. He shifted so that his back was against the wall, pulling Adam to him. They settled with Kris's arms holding Adam tight, as his head rested on Kris's chest.
With each mile they put behind them, Kris let go of everything but the love he had for the man in his arms. They whispered to each other all the things they hadn't been free to say before, their dreams and hopes for the future. Through the night, they sealed their love with promises to always be there for each other.
And as they passed the Massachusetts state line, Kris swore he heard the flutter of wings as night gave way to the approaching dawn.
…the end