Fic: Blind, Chapter 13
Title: Blind
Author: ktwrites
Pairing: Kradam, Kris/Katy
Summary: Kris is in need of some serious help.
Rating: Hard R for disturbing content
A/N: Please go to my author's tag to view previous chapters.
WARNING: VERY SENSITIVE SUBJECT MATTER. And for realz guys, I am super duper, ridiculously nervous about this post. It is longer than most of my chapters have been, and it is the first time, to my knowledge, that this subject has been dealt with in this fandom (but I've only been here a couple of months, so maybe I'm wrong). Everything is going to be fine, but this is a serious set-back for Kris. Thank you to all of you who've been reading and commenting, I love you guys! Your comments help me to push through when I feel like everything I write stinks like poo. Please keep 'em coming (and feel free to let me know if you don't like this plot twist).
~Start~
Kris couldn’t make it stop. Once the flow of creativity had started, he hadn’t been able to find the off switch. He was amazed. In the last ten days he’d probably slept a total of two, but he felt amazing. Incredible, even. He’d never felt anything like this before and it was remarkable. He could think so clearly, and so quickly, it was wonderful. He’d always struggled with coming up with lyrics, but now they flowed out of him. So much so that he’d taken to keeping an extra notebook that he was composing complex poems and the start of several short stories in. He’d definitely never been an artist, but he found himself doodling little drawings, cartoon-looking characters and leaving them all over the house for Adam. But more than anything was the overwhelming certainty that everything was right, that nothing that could happen would be wrong, that it was all leading up to some very grand event that was getting ready to take place. He couldn’t understand it, but even Allison’s encounter with Rhys seemed somehow destined to him. Everything was happening as it was supposed to happen and the universe was shifting into cosmic alignment. He saw evidence of it everywhere, every day, in everything, and he had a suspicion that he was the only one who saw it, the only one who had been chosen to see it. It was if the world was whispering to him, and he had only to stay still long enough to really hear what it was saying. That was half the problem though. He just couldn’t stay still. Sometimes he thought it was the voice of God and he somehow understood that in order to hear Him properly, Kris was going to have to destroy some demons, although he didn’t know how he was going to accomplish that. But he wasn’t worried. He knew that he would be given the knowledge when the time was right.
He was at his house that day because Adam was a little testy lately. He didn’t seem to understand Kris’ sudden influx of knowing. Kris couldn’t make him understand, all he could do was try to explain the unbelievable grandiosity of what they were about to embark on, this something major that was about to happen. Adam wasn’t really interested in listening to any of it, mostly he just begged Kris to get some sleep. He told Kris that he was half-delusional from sleep deprivation. At the height of his frustration he had said if he hadn’t known better, he would have thought Kris was using, because he was acting just like Drake used to. At that point Kris had to sadly admit to himself that Adam was not capable of seeing this amazing future and he wondered if that meant that Adam was not meant to be a part of it. It made him sad, but then again, he knew everything was happening perfectly and the future was going to be perfect and beautiful, with or without Adam.
He sat at the kitchen table and looked at the wilting roses that Adam had had delivered to him two weeks ago. He studied them, and as he did, he began to feel things he couldn’t explain. Their beauty, and the beauty of what they represented, had Kris tearing up. They represented the circle of life to him. Like everyone in this world, they had had their time of beauty, and now, had passed on from that time and drooped in their old age, leaning over with their weight, their backs bowed. It was simple in its profoundness, and was another one of those secrets that only he was allowed to know. It made him think of the elderly in this world, and how they need to be honored and cherished. He stood up to find the phone to call a local nursing home and find out about volunteering, but before he could get there, lines of prose began dancing in his head and he rushed to the office to get his notebook. He scribbled the budding poem there and drew a figure of an old woman stooped over, the fullness of a rose in bloom for her hair. He knew that it was all perfect.
He was sitting in the same chair in the office as he had been after Katy had told him about the divorce. He thought about how perfect that had all been. Everything had been perfect to lead up to this perfect present that was moving into the monumental future. He had given to wandering the house in his briefs and a T-shirt because of the insatiable need that accompanied him day and night. Adam had finally begged off the day before when he’d sent Kris home. He was exhausted (“And I’m fucking Adam Lambert, I don’t get exhausted” he’d declared) and seemed to think that this was something more he should hold against Kris. But Kris knew it was perfect. Adam had awakened a sexuality in him that had gone unannounced thus far in his life. The climaxes he was reaching now were everything he’d heard people only describe: mind-blowing, out of this world, seeing God. He pumped furiously at his hardened flesh now and cried out triumphantly as it throbbed and spurted over his hand. Achieving orgasm was so much faster, yet so much more fulfilling. He would need to get a hold of Adam soon, if only to take care of that fact, he thought absently. Maybe it would be perfect to go to a club and find someone else for this. He and Adam weren’t married, he may not even be part of the perfect plan. They weren’t living together yet. What did he owe Adam? Everything Kris did was perfect, so if he chose to do it, isn’t that what it would be? He felt irritation rise in him thinking about Adam. And then there were these…episodes…he’d been having, but he knew what they were - they were flashes of righteousness. He was perfect, everything in his life was perfect and he was headed for a mind-boggling destiny so it was right that he should get angry at anyone who wanted to hold him back. In the last week he and Adam had fought at least once every day because Kris was right - he was fine, he was perfect, he was destined, but Adam didn’t see that and Adam wanted to him to go to a doctor and Adam couldn’t handle him anymore and - FUCK. He reached out and swiped everything off the desk with a terrible clatter. He stood with his teeth gritted, hands clenched painfully into fists at his side, heaving breaths. He also knew that his anger was perfect because he knew he was going to need to get angry to defeat the demons, so he wasn’t worried.
He went into the living room to put on the movie that he was currently watching with growing intensity and fascination. It was “Across the Universe”, a movie created around the greatest hits of the Beatles. Every time he watched it, he felt like Jude and Lucy and Max and Sadie and Prudence were trying to tell him something. That message was carefully hidden in the lyrics of the music, but like the whispering of God and the universe, he couldn’t quite hear it. So he watched it, again and again, he studied it. He knew there were perfect secrets in there, he just had to be patient enough to get them to speak.
Lucy was singing “If I Fell in Love with You” when he heard someone knock on the door. He figured it was Adam coming to apologize (which would be perfect, if he were part of the perfect plan) so he called out “ ‘S open!” and turned back to the television. He hit the scan button backward to listen to a particular note again, in that note he could hear all the whisperings, but nothing clear enough. He sighed and scanned backward again. He was so intent on the movie that he didn’t even notice his ex-wife standing at the arm of the couch.
“Hello, Kristopher,” she said, softly.
He stared up at her. This was not something he had expected, but somehow, given everything that was going on in his life lately, he wasn’t surprised. He knew it was all perfect.
“What are you doing here?” He asked, genuinely curious as to what her motives were. Maybe she had brought some secrets with her. It was funny, when he was with Adam, he could hear the whispering so clearly that he could almost discern the message, but standing here with the woman he had spent ten years of his life with, he heard nothing. He didn’t know if that was perfect or not, and it threw him a little.
“Kris, I know you have no reason to listen to me, I know you probably want to throw me out,” she paused, giving him time to respond if he felt it necessary. He gestured with his hands for her to continue.
She began to cry. “Krissy, I made a huge mistake. I called off the wedding with Ryan. I love you. If you could find some way in your heart to forgive me, if we could just talk about all of this. If there was just some way we could work things out, Kris, I would love that. You were…you always were just…perfect…to me, for me. Totally perfect, and I messed it up, but Kris, I’d do anything to have it back. We’re perfect together, Kris.”
Kris stared at her. “What did you say?”
Katy blinked at him. “I said we’re perfect together.”
“Yeah,” he grinned, “that’s what you said.” He crossed to her in one large stride and brought his mouth down on hers with such force that she gasped and pulled away.
“I knew it was perfect, I knew that everything was going to be perfect, something was coming, I knew something was coming and it was you,” he rushed, “you were coming, and we’re going to be perfect. You were the perfect plan and Adam was not part of it -“
“Adam?” Katy interjected.
Kris silenced her by kissing her again. Katy was astonished at Kris’ ferocity. He must have been missing her so much all this time. She sighed and melted into him.
Kris tackled her on the couch and began biting her collarbone, roughly taking her breasts in his mouth and biting her nipples. She gasped and bucked and tried to squirm out of his grasp but he had her pinned down. He tore off her jeans and underwear and jabbed his fingers roughly inside of her.
“Mmm…Kris…ahhh…Kris” she whimpered. She almost felt like she was being assaulted. She gasped and pulled away from Kris when she felt his finger slide into her ass.
“Kris!” she exclaimed.
“Don’t tell me you don’t like it,” he purred, and slid his briefs off. He entered her with such a force that she grabbed onto his hair and squeezed her eyes shut. Suddenly she heard knocking at the door.
“Kris,” she began, “the door. It’s unlocked. Someone might walk in on us.”
But Kris did not respond, he was lost in a world of hunger and greed and sensation, riding on psychedelic waves of lust. It was only the voice of the man he loved that was able to awaken him from his stupor.
“Mother of fuck!” Adam exclaimed, standing in the living room with a new batch of roses.
Kris raised his head in confusion. “Adam?”
Adam was shaking his head and backing up, while Katy was clutching her clothes to her body in an attempt to hide her nakedness.
“Katy?” The question was posed to Kris, and all of its implied meanings were not lost on her. She also noted the flowers in Adam’s hand, and finally understood the whole picture.
“But she’s perfect, Adam. She’s the perfect plan. Don’t you understand? I’ve been telling you. I’m sorry, but you weren’t a part of it. She’s the perfect one. Please don’t feel bad. It’s just the way God is. He has a plan for all of us. I’m sorry, Adam.”
Adam blinked, tears in his eyes. “You’re sorry? You told me you wanted to spend your life with me and that’s all I get? Is that you’re sorry?” His face fell, and he turned away, disgusted with himself, disgusted with Kris. He threw the roses on the floor and stomped on them until they were a mangled pile of destroyed petals. He hung his head and shook it sadly.
“Really, Kris? This is it, this is what you want?” He hated himself for how pathetic he sounded.
“It’s all happening the way it’s supposed to happen, Adam. I told you. She was what was coming.”
Adam knew that Kris had been going through something the last week or so, was half-insane with the insomnia he’d been dealing with, but now, here, he sounded clear, confident and resolute. He searched his eyes and found that he couldn’t look at him. They were so glassy, so blank. That was not Kris. He didn’t know what the hell was going on, but he couldn’t stay here and be part of the nightmare.
“Well, Kris, I hope you’re happy. I hope you don’t live to regret it. Because it is totally over with us. I don’t care if things don’t work out here, with her. I don’t care if you decide you were wrong. This is it. I will never allow you to hurt me like this again, Kristopher.”
Kris watched somberly as Adam turned and walked out the door. Then he turned back to Katy and smiled.
“It’ll be perfect,” he said.
**
Katy had passed worried a couple of hours ago and was full-on fearful now. She had only been home for about six hours, but she was seeing a side of Kris that was frightening. He continued to ramble about how everything was perfect, how they were going to be perfect. He had tried to explain to her about how he had known that something big was coming, how he’d heard the whispers but hadn’t been able to hear them clearly enough to know what was coming. He’d told her about the secrets in the movie he’d been watching obsessively for the past two days. He’d told her about the demons he knew they were going to have to fight, but that it was OK now, because she was an angel and she was sent to help him. He said all of this feverishly, yes, but also with an ironic sense of calm. He truly believed everything he was saying. But his eyes. She’d never seen anything like them before. They were glassy as if he’d been using drugs or drinking too much, but he didn’t act like he was high. Well, except for the crazy things he was saying, but other than that, he seemed like normal Kris. She remembered a picture of Britney Spears when they were taking her to the hospital, and even a picture of Charles Manson. Crazy eyes. That’s what Kris’ eyes looked like now.
But those weren’t the only things that had Katy scared. About an hour ago he’d picked up his phone, without it ringing, and had spoken a few brief, cryptic words before hanging up. When she’d asked who he’d talked to, he’d replied simply, “The embassy.” And had added, “We’re going to be leaving here in a little bit.” He wouldn’t tell her where they would go.
He’d tried to make love to her again, but was so forceful about it, she’d refused. He’d stood up and screamed wordlessly at her before reaching into his underwear and unabashedly masturbating in front of her. That had driven her to the bedroom where she searched frantically for drugs. She’d pulled the mattress off the bed, emptied every dresser drawer, pulled things off the top shelf in the closet. She’d ransacked the bathroom, the office, the kitchen. She couldn’t find any evidence. She’d checked the liquor cabinet and found it, for the most part, almost the same as when she left. There was only one other conclusion that she could come to and it terrified her.
Katy sat next to Kris as he sang happily, telling her all about the songs he’d written, and he apologized that most of them were about Adam, but he promised he would write her a whole songbook once they defeated the demons.
“Krissy,” Katy began carefully, “sweetie, let’s go lay down and get some rest. I’m tired from my flight from Arkansas, and I know you’re worn out. Honey, let’s get some sleep. Think of how nice it’ll be to lay next to each other again.” She was trying to lull him with her soothing voice.
Kris stared at her as if he could see through her. “Of course, we’d need to alert the embassy.”
“Of…of course,” she replied, hesitantly.
Kris nodded and picked up his phone and began talking into it, without dialing.
Lord Jesus, Heavenly Father, please help my husband, she silently begged. Show me what to do.
“I’ve notified the proper authorities that we will be detained,” he clipped. “But we don’t have much time. You’ll rest and then we must go, the time is coming.”
Katy took Kris’ hand in hers and led him to the bedroom. She got under the covers fully clothed and scooted over to her side, while Kris laid on top of the covers and drummed his fingers on top of his head. Katy stroked the side of his face, down his arms, rubbed circles on his chest and even crooned out one of her favorite songs from his first albums in order to get him to relax enough to sleep, but none of it worked. He laid stony-eyed and stared at the ceiling. Suddenly, he turned to her and smiled and nodded, as if she’d said something, then threw back his head and laughed maniacally.
“Kris? Kris?” Katy begged, her voice trembling.
“Of course, you’re right!” He cried. “How could I have misunderstood for so long? Katy, my angel, you’re my angel that’s been sent to me, you just delivered the message that the embassy has been waiting for me to understand. Of course we’re already dead! You’re the angel that’s going to lead me to Heaven. The embassy wants to prepare us for our trip into eternal life. Oh, our parents will be so upset when they realize that we’ve passed, but that will be something they’ll just have to go through in their lives, won’t it? Katy, we have to go now! The time is running short!”
Katy burst into tears. She was in no way prepared to deal with this. She wished they were home in Arkansas and she could call Kris’ mother or her father to help deal with this. But she was completely on her own. She didn’t know if Kris would be violent, all she knew was that she had to get him to a hospital and fast. Kris was hastily throwing on a pair of jeans, and a red and blue plaid shirt.
“Come on, St. Katherine,” he urged, “we haven’t much time!”
When he reached for the keys on the round table in the foyer, she put her hand on top of his.
“Let me drive, Kris,” she said.
“But you don’t know where the embassy is!” he exclaimed.
She closed her eyes as two more tears fell. “I do, Kris. I am the Angel, remember? I’ve come from the embassy.” She hated herself for tricking Kris, but he needed help beyond what she could give now.
His eyes went wide. “Of course, of course. Let’s go, hurry, we musn’t waste time!”
Katy navigated the city streets as she made her way to Cedars-Sinai. She hoped to God no one recognized them on the way there or once they got there. If there was a God in Heaven, He would spare Kris this humiliation.
Kris babbled all the way about homecoming, and how they were first tier angels, the most important in the league of angels, and that when they got to Heaven, they would have direct communication with God. He paused in the middle of his rhetoric to point out the angels that he saw all around him. Katy’s grip on the steering wheel was so tight, her knuckles ached. The tears pouring from her eyes blurred her vision to the point that it made it difficult to drive. At least Kris was peaceful, she thanked God for that.
When they arrived at the hospital and Katy explained the situation, she and Kris were moved to a special section of the ER for psychiatric evaluations. They waited, and Kris was very calm, mostly because he believed they were at the embassy, waiting to see whoever was in charge.
When the doctor led them into their evaluation room, Katy began to explain about Kris’ bizarre behavior. And then Kris took over for her, addressing the doctor as though he were the one they were supposed to meet with at the embassy. The doctor gently explained to Kris that he would have to stay there for a little while, and then he would be free to make his journey into Heaven. Kris became very agitated at that, insisting that they leave now, and there was no way they were going to stay. Kris rose from the table he’d just been sitting so calmly at and knocked his chair over.
“I’m not fucking staying here,” Kris raged, trying to push past the doctor. Katy got out of her chair and backed against the wall as two burly security guards stepped to either of side of Kris and took him under the arms. Kris began flailing his hands and kicking his feet, screaming that he would never go.
“Haldol injection, 5 mg,” Katy heard the doctor say to the nurse. Her eyes were wide and she wrapped her arms around herself as she watched Kris struggle with the security guards. She couldn’t believe this was her Kris who never raised his voice and was always as even-tempered as a pastor. Tears rained down her face, and the doctor approached her and told her that she could step out of the room if she preferred. He informed her that once a patient becomes this agitated, it is rarely pleasant to watch, but Katy felt she needed to be there for Kris. She watched as they wrangled Kris into a padded room (this moment is so surreal, she thought, Kris is actually in a padded room), then put him down, face-first onto a mattress in the middle of the room that was low to the ground, one of the security guard’s knees in Kris’ back, his arms pinned behind him. Kris was screaming and screaming, telling the guards that he was going to tell God all about them when he got to Heaven and they would be doomed for eternity. All Katy could do was pray, over and over in her head, and beg God to help Kris.
The doctor stepped into the room and administered the shot in Kris’ backside. The guards released him and exited the room, pulling the door shut behind them. There was a small, square window in the door and Kris’ face appeared in it.
“I’ll never forgive you for this!” He raged, looking directly at Katy. “I’ll never forgive you for this, you bitch! I fucking hate you! I’ll never forgive you!”
All Katy could do was cry and shake. She heard the thud a couple of minutes later as Kris hit the floor.
Author: ktwrites
Pairing: Kradam, Kris/Katy
Summary: Kris is in need of some serious help.
Rating: Hard R for disturbing content
A/N: Please go to my author's tag to view previous chapters.
WARNING: VERY SENSITIVE SUBJECT MATTER. And for realz guys, I am super duper, ridiculously nervous about this post. It is longer than most of my chapters have been, and it is the first time, to my knowledge, that this subject has been dealt with in this fandom (but I've only been here a couple of months, so maybe I'm wrong). Everything is going to be fine, but this is a serious set-back for Kris. Thank you to all of you who've been reading and commenting, I love you guys! Your comments help me to push through when I feel like everything I write stinks like poo. Please keep 'em coming (and feel free to let me know if you don't like this plot twist).
~Start~
Kris couldn’t make it stop. Once the flow of creativity had started, he hadn’t been able to find the off switch. He was amazed. In the last ten days he’d probably slept a total of two, but he felt amazing. Incredible, even. He’d never felt anything like this before and it was remarkable. He could think so clearly, and so quickly, it was wonderful. He’d always struggled with coming up with lyrics, but now they flowed out of him. So much so that he’d taken to keeping an extra notebook that he was composing complex poems and the start of several short stories in. He’d definitely never been an artist, but he found himself doodling little drawings, cartoon-looking characters and leaving them all over the house for Adam. But more than anything was the overwhelming certainty that everything was right, that nothing that could happen would be wrong, that it was all leading up to some very grand event that was getting ready to take place. He couldn’t understand it, but even Allison’s encounter with Rhys seemed somehow destined to him. Everything was happening as it was supposed to happen and the universe was shifting into cosmic alignment. He saw evidence of it everywhere, every day, in everything, and he had a suspicion that he was the only one who saw it, the only one who had been chosen to see it. It was if the world was whispering to him, and he had only to stay still long enough to really hear what it was saying. That was half the problem though. He just couldn’t stay still. Sometimes he thought it was the voice of God and he somehow understood that in order to hear Him properly, Kris was going to have to destroy some demons, although he didn’t know how he was going to accomplish that. But he wasn’t worried. He knew that he would be given the knowledge when the time was right.
He was at his house that day because Adam was a little testy lately. He didn’t seem to understand Kris’ sudden influx of knowing. Kris couldn’t make him understand, all he could do was try to explain the unbelievable grandiosity of what they were about to embark on, this something major that was about to happen. Adam wasn’t really interested in listening to any of it, mostly he just begged Kris to get some sleep. He told Kris that he was half-delusional from sleep deprivation. At the height of his frustration he had said if he hadn’t known better, he would have thought Kris was using, because he was acting just like Drake used to. At that point Kris had to sadly admit to himself that Adam was not capable of seeing this amazing future and he wondered if that meant that Adam was not meant to be a part of it. It made him sad, but then again, he knew everything was happening perfectly and the future was going to be perfect and beautiful, with or without Adam.
He sat at the kitchen table and looked at the wilting roses that Adam had had delivered to him two weeks ago. He studied them, and as he did, he began to feel things he couldn’t explain. Their beauty, and the beauty of what they represented, had Kris tearing up. They represented the circle of life to him. Like everyone in this world, they had had their time of beauty, and now, had passed on from that time and drooped in their old age, leaning over with their weight, their backs bowed. It was simple in its profoundness, and was another one of those secrets that only he was allowed to know. It made him think of the elderly in this world, and how they need to be honored and cherished. He stood up to find the phone to call a local nursing home and find out about volunteering, but before he could get there, lines of prose began dancing in his head and he rushed to the office to get his notebook. He scribbled the budding poem there and drew a figure of an old woman stooped over, the fullness of a rose in bloom for her hair. He knew that it was all perfect.
He was sitting in the same chair in the office as he had been after Katy had told him about the divorce. He thought about how perfect that had all been. Everything had been perfect to lead up to this perfect present that was moving into the monumental future. He had given to wandering the house in his briefs and a T-shirt because of the insatiable need that accompanied him day and night. Adam had finally begged off the day before when he’d sent Kris home. He was exhausted (“And I’m fucking Adam Lambert, I don’t get exhausted” he’d declared) and seemed to think that this was something more he should hold against Kris. But Kris knew it was perfect. Adam had awakened a sexuality in him that had gone unannounced thus far in his life. The climaxes he was reaching now were everything he’d heard people only describe: mind-blowing, out of this world, seeing God. He pumped furiously at his hardened flesh now and cried out triumphantly as it throbbed and spurted over his hand. Achieving orgasm was so much faster, yet so much more fulfilling. He would need to get a hold of Adam soon, if only to take care of that fact, he thought absently. Maybe it would be perfect to go to a club and find someone else for this. He and Adam weren’t married, he may not even be part of the perfect plan. They weren’t living together yet. What did he owe Adam? Everything Kris did was perfect, so if he chose to do it, isn’t that what it would be? He felt irritation rise in him thinking about Adam. And then there were these…episodes…he’d been having, but he knew what they were - they were flashes of righteousness. He was perfect, everything in his life was perfect and he was headed for a mind-boggling destiny so it was right that he should get angry at anyone who wanted to hold him back. In the last week he and Adam had fought at least once every day because Kris was right - he was fine, he was perfect, he was destined, but Adam didn’t see that and Adam wanted to him to go to a doctor and Adam couldn’t handle him anymore and - FUCK. He reached out and swiped everything off the desk with a terrible clatter. He stood with his teeth gritted, hands clenched painfully into fists at his side, heaving breaths. He also knew that his anger was perfect because he knew he was going to need to get angry to defeat the demons, so he wasn’t worried.
He went into the living room to put on the movie that he was currently watching with growing intensity and fascination. It was “Across the Universe”, a movie created around the greatest hits of the Beatles. Every time he watched it, he felt like Jude and Lucy and Max and Sadie and Prudence were trying to tell him something. That message was carefully hidden in the lyrics of the music, but like the whispering of God and the universe, he couldn’t quite hear it. So he watched it, again and again, he studied it. He knew there were perfect secrets in there, he just had to be patient enough to get them to speak.
Lucy was singing “If I Fell in Love with You” when he heard someone knock on the door. He figured it was Adam coming to apologize (which would be perfect, if he were part of the perfect plan) so he called out “ ‘S open!” and turned back to the television. He hit the scan button backward to listen to a particular note again, in that note he could hear all the whisperings, but nothing clear enough. He sighed and scanned backward again. He was so intent on the movie that he didn’t even notice his ex-wife standing at the arm of the couch.
“Hello, Kristopher,” she said, softly.
He stared up at her. This was not something he had expected, but somehow, given everything that was going on in his life lately, he wasn’t surprised. He knew it was all perfect.
“What are you doing here?” He asked, genuinely curious as to what her motives were. Maybe she had brought some secrets with her. It was funny, when he was with Adam, he could hear the whispering so clearly that he could almost discern the message, but standing here with the woman he had spent ten years of his life with, he heard nothing. He didn’t know if that was perfect or not, and it threw him a little.
“Kris, I know you have no reason to listen to me, I know you probably want to throw me out,” she paused, giving him time to respond if he felt it necessary. He gestured with his hands for her to continue.
She began to cry. “Krissy, I made a huge mistake. I called off the wedding with Ryan. I love you. If you could find some way in your heart to forgive me, if we could just talk about all of this. If there was just some way we could work things out, Kris, I would love that. You were…you always were just…perfect…to me, for me. Totally perfect, and I messed it up, but Kris, I’d do anything to have it back. We’re perfect together, Kris.”
Kris stared at her. “What did you say?”
Katy blinked at him. “I said we’re perfect together.”
“Yeah,” he grinned, “that’s what you said.” He crossed to her in one large stride and brought his mouth down on hers with such force that she gasped and pulled away.
“I knew it was perfect, I knew that everything was going to be perfect, something was coming, I knew something was coming and it was you,” he rushed, “you were coming, and we’re going to be perfect. You were the perfect plan and Adam was not part of it -“
“Adam?” Katy interjected.
Kris silenced her by kissing her again. Katy was astonished at Kris’ ferocity. He must have been missing her so much all this time. She sighed and melted into him.
Kris tackled her on the couch and began biting her collarbone, roughly taking her breasts in his mouth and biting her nipples. She gasped and bucked and tried to squirm out of his grasp but he had her pinned down. He tore off her jeans and underwear and jabbed his fingers roughly inside of her.
“Mmm…Kris…ahhh…Kris” she whimpered. She almost felt like she was being assaulted. She gasped and pulled away from Kris when she felt his finger slide into her ass.
“Kris!” she exclaimed.
“Don’t tell me you don’t like it,” he purred, and slid his briefs off. He entered her with such a force that she grabbed onto his hair and squeezed her eyes shut. Suddenly she heard knocking at the door.
“Kris,” she began, “the door. It’s unlocked. Someone might walk in on us.”
But Kris did not respond, he was lost in a world of hunger and greed and sensation, riding on psychedelic waves of lust. It was only the voice of the man he loved that was able to awaken him from his stupor.
“Mother of fuck!” Adam exclaimed, standing in the living room with a new batch of roses.
Kris raised his head in confusion. “Adam?”
Adam was shaking his head and backing up, while Katy was clutching her clothes to her body in an attempt to hide her nakedness.
“Katy?” The question was posed to Kris, and all of its implied meanings were not lost on her. She also noted the flowers in Adam’s hand, and finally understood the whole picture.
“But she’s perfect, Adam. She’s the perfect plan. Don’t you understand? I’ve been telling you. I’m sorry, but you weren’t a part of it. She’s the perfect one. Please don’t feel bad. It’s just the way God is. He has a plan for all of us. I’m sorry, Adam.”
Adam blinked, tears in his eyes. “You’re sorry? You told me you wanted to spend your life with me and that’s all I get? Is that you’re sorry?” His face fell, and he turned away, disgusted with himself, disgusted with Kris. He threw the roses on the floor and stomped on them until they were a mangled pile of destroyed petals. He hung his head and shook it sadly.
“Really, Kris? This is it, this is what you want?” He hated himself for how pathetic he sounded.
“It’s all happening the way it’s supposed to happen, Adam. I told you. She was what was coming.”
Adam knew that Kris had been going through something the last week or so, was half-insane with the insomnia he’d been dealing with, but now, here, he sounded clear, confident and resolute. He searched his eyes and found that he couldn’t look at him. They were so glassy, so blank. That was not Kris. He didn’t know what the hell was going on, but he couldn’t stay here and be part of the nightmare.
“Well, Kris, I hope you’re happy. I hope you don’t live to regret it. Because it is totally over with us. I don’t care if things don’t work out here, with her. I don’t care if you decide you were wrong. This is it. I will never allow you to hurt me like this again, Kristopher.”
Kris watched somberly as Adam turned and walked out the door. Then he turned back to Katy and smiled.
“It’ll be perfect,” he said.
**
Katy had passed worried a couple of hours ago and was full-on fearful now. She had only been home for about six hours, but she was seeing a side of Kris that was frightening. He continued to ramble about how everything was perfect, how they were going to be perfect. He had tried to explain to her about how he had known that something big was coming, how he’d heard the whispers but hadn’t been able to hear them clearly enough to know what was coming. He’d told her about the secrets in the movie he’d been watching obsessively for the past two days. He’d told her about the demons he knew they were going to have to fight, but that it was OK now, because she was an angel and she was sent to help him. He said all of this feverishly, yes, but also with an ironic sense of calm. He truly believed everything he was saying. But his eyes. She’d never seen anything like them before. They were glassy as if he’d been using drugs or drinking too much, but he didn’t act like he was high. Well, except for the crazy things he was saying, but other than that, he seemed like normal Kris. She remembered a picture of Britney Spears when they were taking her to the hospital, and even a picture of Charles Manson. Crazy eyes. That’s what Kris’ eyes looked like now.
But those weren’t the only things that had Katy scared. About an hour ago he’d picked up his phone, without it ringing, and had spoken a few brief, cryptic words before hanging up. When she’d asked who he’d talked to, he’d replied simply, “The embassy.” And had added, “We’re going to be leaving here in a little bit.” He wouldn’t tell her where they would go.
He’d tried to make love to her again, but was so forceful about it, she’d refused. He’d stood up and screamed wordlessly at her before reaching into his underwear and unabashedly masturbating in front of her. That had driven her to the bedroom where she searched frantically for drugs. She’d pulled the mattress off the bed, emptied every dresser drawer, pulled things off the top shelf in the closet. She’d ransacked the bathroom, the office, the kitchen. She couldn’t find any evidence. She’d checked the liquor cabinet and found it, for the most part, almost the same as when she left. There was only one other conclusion that she could come to and it terrified her.
Katy sat next to Kris as he sang happily, telling her all about the songs he’d written, and he apologized that most of them were about Adam, but he promised he would write her a whole songbook once they defeated the demons.
“Krissy,” Katy began carefully, “sweetie, let’s go lay down and get some rest. I’m tired from my flight from Arkansas, and I know you’re worn out. Honey, let’s get some sleep. Think of how nice it’ll be to lay next to each other again.” She was trying to lull him with her soothing voice.
Kris stared at her as if he could see through her. “Of course, we’d need to alert the embassy.”
“Of…of course,” she replied, hesitantly.
Kris nodded and picked up his phone and began talking into it, without dialing.
Lord Jesus, Heavenly Father, please help my husband, she silently begged. Show me what to do.
“I’ve notified the proper authorities that we will be detained,” he clipped. “But we don’t have much time. You’ll rest and then we must go, the time is coming.”
Katy took Kris’ hand in hers and led him to the bedroom. She got under the covers fully clothed and scooted over to her side, while Kris laid on top of the covers and drummed his fingers on top of his head. Katy stroked the side of his face, down his arms, rubbed circles on his chest and even crooned out one of her favorite songs from his first albums in order to get him to relax enough to sleep, but none of it worked. He laid stony-eyed and stared at the ceiling. Suddenly, he turned to her and smiled and nodded, as if she’d said something, then threw back his head and laughed maniacally.
“Kris? Kris?” Katy begged, her voice trembling.
“Of course, you’re right!” He cried. “How could I have misunderstood for so long? Katy, my angel, you’re my angel that’s been sent to me, you just delivered the message that the embassy has been waiting for me to understand. Of course we’re already dead! You’re the angel that’s going to lead me to Heaven. The embassy wants to prepare us for our trip into eternal life. Oh, our parents will be so upset when they realize that we’ve passed, but that will be something they’ll just have to go through in their lives, won’t it? Katy, we have to go now! The time is running short!”
Katy burst into tears. She was in no way prepared to deal with this. She wished they were home in Arkansas and she could call Kris’ mother or her father to help deal with this. But she was completely on her own. She didn’t know if Kris would be violent, all she knew was that she had to get him to a hospital and fast. Kris was hastily throwing on a pair of jeans, and a red and blue plaid shirt.
“Come on, St. Katherine,” he urged, “we haven’t much time!”
When he reached for the keys on the round table in the foyer, she put her hand on top of his.
“Let me drive, Kris,” she said.
“But you don’t know where the embassy is!” he exclaimed.
She closed her eyes as two more tears fell. “I do, Kris. I am the Angel, remember? I’ve come from the embassy.” She hated herself for tricking Kris, but he needed help beyond what she could give now.
His eyes went wide. “Of course, of course. Let’s go, hurry, we musn’t waste time!”
Katy navigated the city streets as she made her way to Cedars-Sinai. She hoped to God no one recognized them on the way there or once they got there. If there was a God in Heaven, He would spare Kris this humiliation.
Kris babbled all the way about homecoming, and how they were first tier angels, the most important in the league of angels, and that when they got to Heaven, they would have direct communication with God. He paused in the middle of his rhetoric to point out the angels that he saw all around him. Katy’s grip on the steering wheel was so tight, her knuckles ached. The tears pouring from her eyes blurred her vision to the point that it made it difficult to drive. At least Kris was peaceful, she thanked God for that.
When they arrived at the hospital and Katy explained the situation, she and Kris were moved to a special section of the ER for psychiatric evaluations. They waited, and Kris was very calm, mostly because he believed they were at the embassy, waiting to see whoever was in charge.
When the doctor led them into their evaluation room, Katy began to explain about Kris’ bizarre behavior. And then Kris took over for her, addressing the doctor as though he were the one they were supposed to meet with at the embassy. The doctor gently explained to Kris that he would have to stay there for a little while, and then he would be free to make his journey into Heaven. Kris became very agitated at that, insisting that they leave now, and there was no way they were going to stay. Kris rose from the table he’d just been sitting so calmly at and knocked his chair over.
“I’m not fucking staying here,” Kris raged, trying to push past the doctor. Katy got out of her chair and backed against the wall as two burly security guards stepped to either of side of Kris and took him under the arms. Kris began flailing his hands and kicking his feet, screaming that he would never go.
“Haldol injection, 5 mg,” Katy heard the doctor say to the nurse. Her eyes were wide and she wrapped her arms around herself as she watched Kris struggle with the security guards. She couldn’t believe this was her Kris who never raised his voice and was always as even-tempered as a pastor. Tears rained down her face, and the doctor approached her and told her that she could step out of the room if she preferred. He informed her that once a patient becomes this agitated, it is rarely pleasant to watch, but Katy felt she needed to be there for Kris. She watched as they wrangled Kris into a padded room (this moment is so surreal, she thought, Kris is actually in a padded room), then put him down, face-first onto a mattress in the middle of the room that was low to the ground, one of the security guard’s knees in Kris’ back, his arms pinned behind him. Kris was screaming and screaming, telling the guards that he was going to tell God all about them when he got to Heaven and they would be doomed for eternity. All Katy could do was pray, over and over in her head, and beg God to help Kris.
The doctor stepped into the room and administered the shot in Kris’ backside. The guards released him and exited the room, pulling the door shut behind them. There was a small, square window in the door and Kris’ face appeared in it.
“I’ll never forgive you for this!” He raged, looking directly at Katy. “I’ll never forgive you for this, you bitch! I fucking hate you! I’ll never forgive you!”
All Katy could do was cry and shake. She heard the thud a couple of minutes later as Kris hit the floor.