Tainted, Chapter 7
Adam was still trying to pull himself together when the door to his room opened again.
He jumped, staring up with wide-eyed alarm at the white-coated man who’d just entered, his heart hammering against his ribcage as fearful thoughts trickled through his mind like melting ice, making him break out in a cold sweat.
What if this is him? You don’t know what he looks like. Larissa’s the one who hired him. What if she managed to help him get past security and he’s here to finish you off? Oh God… no… no, don’t come any closer, please don’t…
“Mr. Lambert? How are you feeling?” The minute the doctor opened his mouth, Adam began to relax at the sound of the blessedly unfamiliar voice, his shoulders shaking with relief as he rested his head in his trembling hands. Eyeing him closely with concern, the doctor approached him, frowning. “Are you all right?”
Adam raised his head, shaking it with a rueful grimace of embarrassment. “Yeah, yeah, I… I’m sorry. I just… panicked for a second there…”
The doctor nodded sympathetically as he sat down in the chair beside Adam’s bed. “It’s perfectly normal given the circumstances, Mr. Lambert.”
“Adam.” His voice was soft and hoarse, barely recognizable as his own, his eyes locked onto the thin blanket that covered him as he fidgeted nervously, twisting it distractedly between his finger and thumb and pulling off bits of the fuzzy fabric.
The doctor nodded, smiling slightly. “Adam. I’m Dr. Morris. The nurse informed me that you were awake. I was waiting until then to speak with you about… your condition.”
Adam nodded once, still looking away absently, struggling to focus on what the doctor was saying, and not the encounter he’d had only minutes before the doctor had come into the room.
“You’ve got a couple of cracked ribs, but other than that, nothing seems to be broken. A couple of the cuts on your torso required stitches, but besides that, most of your injuries seem to be of a… superficial nature,” the doctor explained.
Adam looked up sharply, his eyes filled with sad irony. “Superficial,” he echoed flatly.
Dr. Morris’s expression softened with understanding as he amended gently, “Your… external injuries, yes. Most of them. I don’t think I have to tell you that we found evidence of… sexual assault. There were also stitches necessary to… to repair that damage, as well.”
Adam swallowed hard, his eyes wide as he struggled to maintain his composure, his face flaming with humiliation. He couldn’t make himself look at the man as he continued speaking softly.
“Naturally we have professional counselors here who would be happy to help you, if you want to talk to someone about what happened.” Adam did not respond, did not look up or indicate in any way that he was even still listening, but Dr. Morris continued quietly. “You need to know, however, that you don’t have to tell anyone about it. This sort of information is legally protected and confidential. I can’t tell anyone - not a therapist, not your family, no one - without your consent. It’s completely up to you who you choose to know what happened. Do you understand?”
Adam nodded silently, feeling tears of relief spring to his eyes at those words.
So they don’t know… Kris, my parents, the others… no one knows… and no one’s going to know…
“The only exception to that is that… the police have to be informed.”
Adam looked up in alarm, panic swelling up in his chest until he felt like he couldn’t breathe as Dr. Morris went on about state law and mandatory reporters and impeding investigations already in progress and a dozen other things that meant nothing to him. He was still focused on the first statement the doctor had made.
“No,” he interrupted finally, his voice trembling and pleading. “No, you can’t report this! You can’t force me to press charges…”
The doctor’s expression was compassionate but troubled, as he cautiously agreed, “That’s true. But… you don’t have to press charges. The state will do that on their own. No one can force you to talk about it, to anyone - not even the police - if you don’t want to. No… charges, or anything of that nature, can be brought against you if you simply refuse to give a statement.” He hesitated, his voice gentler when he added, “But… I’d strongly advise against refusing, Adam. You won’t feel safe again until the people responsible for this are no longer able to…”
“I don’t want you to tell my family.”
Dr. Morris was silent for a long moment, and the tension in the room following Adam’s quiet interruption was palpable. It was a clear dismissal, a none-too-subtle statement that Adam didn’t want to hear anymore about why he should report the brutal attack he’d endured. The doctor was obviously considering pushing the issue, but Adam stubbornly kept his gaze averted, his jaw set as he continued mutilating the blanket in his hand.
“Of course,” Dr. Morris agreed at last, a subtle note of defeat in his voice.
“You can… talk to them about… the other stuff,” Adam clarified, his voice low and he hoped steadier than he felt. “The… cracked ribs, and… and the other… physical stuff. If they have any… questions, or whatever. Just… don’t tell them about…” Adam bit his lip, his brow furrowed in concentration as he struggled to maintain control, unable to bring himself to even speak the words aloud.
“Of course not,” Dr. Morris repeated gently. “I won’t say anything to anyone unless you ask me to. Except for the police. They’ll have access to your file if they need it, for the investigation. I’m sorry.”
Adam nodded shakily, his clenched teeth finally easing up on the inside of his lip when he tasted blood in his mouth. He swallowed slowly, closing his eyes as he whispered, “Okay. Just… can I wait, to talk to them? Can you… keep them away for… a few hours, anyway?” He finally looked up at the doctor seated beside him, desperation in his eyes. “Please?”
“All right,” Dr. Morris agreed. “I can stall them for a few hours, give you a chance to be alone with your family and… prepare yourself.” He rose to his feet, holding Adam’s gaze as he added firmly, “In the mean time, get some rest. And if you need anything, Adam… let me know. We’re here to help you. I hope you know that.”
Adam nodded, looking away, feeling uncomfortable with the intent scrutiny with which the doctor was regarding him. He leaned back against the mattress behind him, reaching with a shaky hand for the button to make it recline. He closed his eyes and tried to steady his breathing, tried to fight back the waves of nausea creeping up into his throat.
Rest, the doctor had said - but Adam knew he wouldn’t be able to do so anytime soon.
Maybe not ever again…
******************************
True to his word, Kris waited a full hour from when he left Adam’s room to send his family in.
Adam was still not ready to face them.
He put on a brave smile when his father and brother walked through the door, forcing himself to meet their eyes in turn as they approached him. He remembered the numerous blows he’d taken to the face, wondering at how bad he must look. He hadn’t seen a mirror since he’d awakened - and he wasn’t sure he wanted to.
Adam braced himself as his brother moved toward him, automatically reaching to hug him; but he still couldn’t keep himself from flinching at the contact. Neil froze for a moment, eyes wide and stunned as he drew back.
“Sorry,” he mumbled, his gaze averted awkwardly. “Didn’t mean to…”
“No, it’s fine,” Adam reassured him with a forced smile, hoping he was at least somewhat convincing. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it…”
Stupid, pathetic little freak… The viciousness of his own thoughts did not match the welcoming tone of his words. He’s your freakin’ brother, idiot. He’s not going to hurt you, so quit acting like a moron and just suck it up and deal with it…
His dad wisely did not try to touch him as he took the seat Dr. Morris had vacated earlier, studying his son with concern. “How are you feeling? Are you all right?”
Adam had the feeling that he was going to get very sick of those two questions very, very fast.
He nodded, managing to meet his father’s eyes for a moment before looking away as he assured him, “I’m okay. I’m… sore, and banged up a little, but… but I’m gonna be fine… just give me a few days, and I’ll be…”
The lie died on his lips as the door opened again, and his mother walked through, carrying a large handbag and a tray of coffees. She froze just inside the doorway, staring at him in pained horror, and Adam got some idea of just how bad he must have looked. He forgot to maintain his brave façade, the smile falling away as his eyes locked with hers.
She set down the coffee tray and handbag without really looking at where she was placing them. Neil hurried to steady them before they spilled as she hurried to her son’s side, tears welling and falling from her eyes. She only spoke three words, but the depth of sorrow and love in them brought Adam’s defenses crashing to the ground, his own tears swelling up from deep inside him and his shoulders beginning to shake.
“Oh, my baby…”
When she reached for him, Adam didn’t have to stop himself from pulling away. He wrapped his arms around her, desperately drawing her closer to him and burying his face against her side as she gently embraced him, one arm wrapped around his back, the other hand gently stroking through his hair. Adam drank in the comfort she offered, a broken word he hadn’t uttered in twenty years spilling from his lips with his tears.
“Mama…”
“Shhh,” she murmured, leaning on the edge of the bed for support as she pulled him closer. “It’s okay, sweetheart… it’s all right…”
Adam clung to her, all traces of his control vanished as deep, soundless sobs tore through him. He’d been trying so hard to keep it all inside, desperate to conceal the secrets to which he’d been cruelly sworn; but the moment she had looked at him, he’d felt the same safety and security, the same unconditional acceptance she’d always given him… and he’d longed for it.
She was comfort, shelter, safety to him in a world that was suddenly utterly outside his control. He was lost and confused and didn’t have a clue what to do next, how to protect himself and the people he loved from the threat they didn’t even know existed - but he wasn’t alone anymore.
Maybe I could tell her… maybe she’d know what to do…
Adam raised his head, tearful eyes searching his mother’s gaze as she looked down at him with a questioning expression on her tear-streaked face. She raised a gentle hand to stroke tenderly across his cheek, rubbing away a tear as she shook her head slightly.
“What, baby? What is it?”
He hesitated, wrestling with the decision, aching to tell her, to pour out the pain and horror and desperation of the past few days - but he knew that he couldn’t. He imagined how she’d react if he told her what had happened, and who was behind it; and he couldn’t pretend even for a moment that she’d be able to keep it to herself. No, Leila Lambert would almost certainly immediately take off in search of Larissa, and would likely try to take her head off - but she wouldn’t be able to before someone stopped her, before the law got in the way.
And then… then what would Larissa do? To me… to Kris?
“Adam? Sweetie?” his mother persisted softly, worry in her voice.
Adam swallowed, lowering his gaze, shaking his head. “Nothing. I just… I…”
A soft knock at the door spared him the trouble of finding an explanation, and he looked toward it, his heart lurching when he saw Kris standing in the doorway. Kris’s expression went from surprise to troubled concern when his eyes fell on Adam, and he saw his broken, emotional state.
“Hey,” he said, clearing his throat self-consciously. “I’m sorry, I just… I wanted to see if I can get you anything. If there’s anything you… need…” He hesitated, his eyes meeting Adam’s, the anxious affection there tearing at Adam’s heart with the knowledge of what he had to do. “Adam?” Kris cautiously persisted. “Are you…?”
“Yeah, um…” Adam cut him off, averting his gaze for a moment, steeling himself before meeting Kris’s eyes again, his own narrowed coldly. “I need some time alone with my family, if you don’t mind.”
Kris flinched slightly, his soft brown eyes liquid with hurt, and Adam called his years of acting into practice as he forced himself not to give any reaction beyond a slight, expectant raising of his eyebrows, as if impatiently waiting for Kris to leave.
“O-okay,” Kris nodded at last, looking away, his face flushed with embarrassment. “I’m sorry. Just… if you need anything…”
“Uh-huh,” Adam cut him off again curtly, rolling his eyes. “Just go, okay? I know where to find you.”
The dismissal couldn’t have been any clearer.
Kris’s jaw worked with some repressed emotion as he nodded shakily in acceptance, mumbling, “Okay,” before slipping out and closing the door behind him.
Adam looked up at his mother again, who was frowning at him in confusion, glancing at the door before searching his face again. Unwilling for her to find what she sought, Adam looked down, fighting back fresh tears of despair. As Kris left, Adam knew that he was taking a part of him with him - a part that he would never be able to get back - and in breaking Kris’s heart with his words, he was shattering what was left of his own.
But he didn’t have a choice.
I’m sorry, Kris… I’m so, so sorry...
TBC...