Unstuck
The first time it happened he had been jerking off, of course. What better time to walk in on yourself then when you’ve got your cock firmly in hand?
“Let me help you with that.” Kris said to himself as he strode confidently towards the Kris on the bed. Kris stammered, pretty sure that this was some sort of punishment from God for masturbation. Hairy palms he had heard of. Seeing a slightly older-looking doppelganger of yourself was never something that got brought up. He scooted backwards on the bed, afraid of this naked retribution. The retribution laughed and shook his head.
“Yeah this really freaked me out. You. Well, us, I guess. But I’m not a demon sent here by God to punish you for tuggin’ it, I promise.”
“Then what?” Kris stammered, feeling very exposed even though he at least had a t-shirt on. Oh God, it was a youth-group ’01 shirt, tattered and disgusting from repeated wearing. What must he think of himself?
“You, we, I have a problem.” The infinitely wiser Kris said, putting a hand on the trembling 17-year old Kris. “Most people live their lives from A to Z. We do too, but sometimes we pop backwards or forwards for a bit. The letters aren’t in order. Sometimes we revisit the same letter over and over. This is the first time you’ve seen me, but you’ll see me again.”
Kris took this all in, as calmly as he could muster. Still not entirely sure this wasn’t some sort of bizarre dream, he pinched himself hard on the thigh.
“That’s gonna leave a disgusting bruise.” Older Kris said, rubbing away at the red mark. It had only been a minute ago that Kris had been chasing orgasm, and the intimate contact made his prick leap to attention again. Kris smirked. “I said I’d help you with that.”
“You’re me from the future?”
“That’s pretty much it. God, I was so slow.” Kris mumbled, distracted from his explaination by the stiffining of Kris's cock.
“So you already know what happens right now?”
“Yup. And I have to say I’ve been looking forward to being on this end of it.”
“But I’m not gay.” Kris said, biting his lip. There was really no use lying to your future self, but future Kris only regarded him sadly, as if considering whether or not to say something. “Remember? I have a girlfriend.”
“I remember. I also remember why you wear that youth group t-shirt whenever you jerk off.” Kris said pointedly, making the younger Kris blush intensely. “But you don’t have anything to hide from me. In fact, someday I’ll be glad I had this experience. It’ll make the first time with Him that much easier.” The capital H was obvious, but Kris knew It didn’t imply divinity.
“The first time?” Kris squeaked. “Who do I-“
“You’ll know. The first time you see him you’ll know. “ Kris said, looking a bit sad again. “And after that first time you won’t be afraid of it anymore. He’ll make you feel-“ The older Kris trailed his hand higher, slipping beneath the tenting youth group ’01 t-shirt. “-better than I ever could. Better than we can make ourselves feel.”
Kris’s head snapped back hard as his clone knelt in front of him, running his lips over the tip of his cock.
“No…” Kris protested.
“Don’t be an idiot. I already know you let me do this. I already know you want me to. It’s just masturbating, nothing you weren’t doing before I came in. I know you like it, I know that you’re going to come down my throat, and I know that afterwords you’re going to beg me to get on your knees for me. God I love sucking cock. You’re going to find out just how much.”
Kris could only nod feebly, placing a hand on his own head of fluffy hair. He didn’t care if it was a punishment or a dream at this point. It was still a man between his legs, the very thing he had been thinking about before his future self had interrupted. And it was, after all, just himself. Nothing to be ashamed of. He let the waves of pleasure wash over him - this older Kris knew what he was doing. Kris wondered how he had learned, wondered about this “Him” his future self had mentioned. He couldn’t help but feel angry - was he not in charge of his own decisions? Was his life entirely preset?
“It’s not like that.” The other Kris said, bringing his head up. “You do decide. I just already know the results. I can’t change it. Believe me, I’ve tried. This isn’t the first time for me, coming back like this. Believe me, there are things I tried to change. But you get the final say. That’s why I can’t say too much. I’d only hurt you, and those around you. I tried so hard to talk you out of it, but you don’t listen to me. You keep wanting to plow ahead with your own decisions. He says it’s better than way, anyway.”
“You’re confusing me.” Kris admitted, and the other Kris smiled.
“I kiss you now, you know. Would you like that? It makes me feel better, being beneath someone.”
Kris nodded and surrendered to the rather bizarre feeling of kissing himself. There would be time enough after for questions, he hoped.
“Not very much, but time enough.” Kris whispered in his ear, remembring his thoughts at the time. He pulled off the ridiculous t-shirt off and blazed a trail down Kris' chest, sliding his tongue down lower and lower. “Always time for this.”
***
“Don’t do it.”
Kris heard his own voice for the first time in years, and suddenly memories of other visits came pouring back. He wasn’t sure how this worked, but it was as if the time loop had caught up with itself and suddenly he knew what it was like to pop back in time. And forward in time.
There was a man, with raven black hair and the most gorgeous smile Kris had ever seen dancing at the fringe of his memory, and the vision of him was exquisite. Almost enough to make him forget that this was his wedding day. Almost.
“Adam” Kris said as calmly as he could muster, and his future self smiled.
“You’ve seen him by now, you’ve gone forward and visited him. He knows what we are. He loves it. Sometimes we-“
“Not now.” Kris said, waving the other Kris silent. “It’s my wedding day.”
“Don’t do it. I’m here to talk you out of it. You’re only going to hurt her.” The future Kris locked the door, remembering that Charles was due any minute.
“I know you come to talk me out of it. You told me it doesn’t work, remember?”
The other Kris frowned. “That hasn’t happened for me yet, I only remember it from your view point. But I remember him saying that. Er, me. Whatever. This is hard, talking to myself like this.”
“I love her.”
“I know you do. But try to remember. You love him more.”
Kris searched his memories for the man again. He was so distant and far off, only glimpses of him. Kris was watching him perform on stage from the wings. He felt his stomach flip. He did love this man he had never met, or would someday. But not today.
“I’m sorry.” Kris said, watching with sadness as his future self began to fade away. “You know it has to be this way.”
The indistinct form of future Kris gave a sad nod, and Kris thought he looked like he was crying. He moved to embrace the figure, intangible in his arms. He was gone.
The knock at the door brought Charles, who bore a letter from Katy. Kris read it, with a heavy heart.
“…I can’t help but shake the feeling that someday you’ll be gone. There’s something you haven’t told me, and I can’t for the life of me figure out what it is. I wish you could trust me with it. When you asked me to marry you, I almost said no for the fear of whatever it is that you feel you have to hide. But I know you love me, for now if not for always, and I refuse to let my fear of what might happen get in the way of what’s meant to be. I love you, Kristopher Allen, and I don’t think that will change. Whatever is to come, you can take comfort in that I hope. I will always be what you need me to be. Just promise me to always love me as best you can. That will be enough for me.”
Kris said his vows and he meant them, pushing his future as far from him as his mind would allow.
***
She was leaving and it wasn't fair. Kris had been in the bathroom of their honeymoon suite and all of a sudden he had been standing naked in his living room in Conway, hearing the door slam closed.
"She's gone." Kris heard himself say to no one from the foyer. He turned then, recognising he wasn't alone.
"You bastard. What have you done?" This Kris demanded, crying hot angry tears.
"Whatever it is, I haven't done it yet. This one is all you, man. I'm on our honeymoon."
"Fuck. I remember. I'm sorry you have to go back there knowing this. But you knew. You've always known and so did she."
"You've got Adam." Kris said, embracing himself. "And she'll forgive you. You'll be friends again, you'll see. She promised me."
He was gone, along with the sad little house and it's unhappy occupant. He was back in the bathroom of the hotel and Katy was waiting. Kris brushed the tears from his eyes and looked at himself in the mirror.
"She promised me." He reassured himself, wishing the reflection could respond.
***
The boy in front of him was crying, and Kris reached out to pat his shoulder instinctively, forgetting he was naked.
“Are you an angel?” The boy turned around, red hair flopping haphazardly in front of the bluest eyes Kris had ever seen. Adam.
“Err. No.”
“But you look like one. Like the one that appeared to Lot in Gomorrah.” Little Adam insisted, and Kris remembered Adam telling him about this day.
“Don’t worry about what they said at Temple school. You won’t have to go much longer anyway.” Kris promised. “And what you feel isn’t wrong. That old story is just a story. You won’t get turned into salt.”
“I know that. I’m not stupid. God doesn’t turn people into salt. It’s a metaphor.” Adam said, pouting. “Are you sure you’re not an Angel?”
“God wants you to be yourself.” Kris said, ignoring the Angel question. There wasn’t time.
“Why should I be that? No one wants me to be myself.”
“I do.” Kris said honestly. “And one day the whole world will.” He held out his arms to the boy, but he was fading, fading. He tried to stay, wanting to comfort Adam. Today they had learned about Sodom and Gomorrah and his classmates had mocked him, throwing salt on him at lunch. Shortly after today, Adam would get put into public school to avoid more teasing.
“I love you.” He said to the boy, hoping Adam heard him.
***
To go from Adam as a little boy to Adam like this was more than Kris could take.
Adam and Kris were locked in a kiss, the first in their new apartment. Kris remembered that it was 2012 right now, and he had just been in 2015 - before his brief visit to 1994. He shook his head to clear his confusion, but they had both noticed him and had exchanged wicked grins. Kris gasped to himself, the memory of this day settling in his mind. Oh Yes. He took a few eager steps forward.
“I was wondering when this was going to happen.” Adam said, delightedly. “Ever since you told me about that one day when you were 17.”
“Can’t blame me.” Kris said, pulling his nude counterpart into an embrace. “I’m fucking sexy.” The two Krisses kissed, no awkwardness this time. “Missed you, baby.”
Adam groaned.
“Every fantasy I’ve ever had is coming true right now.” He said, stepping back to appreciate the show in front of him. Kris went to work on his younger self’s clothes, gleefully pulling apart buttons and snaps with abandon. He knew he’d never be able to wear this shirt again. Kris dove towards his own dick, knowing by now exactly what he liked. The younger Kris’s hands were threaded through his hair and he was thrusting hard. Adam moved behind his lover, wrapping one arm around his chest and burying his mouth against his neck.
“Look at you suck yourself. God that’s the fucking sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.” Adam murmured. “Ever go any further?”
The standing Kris shook his head, sighing as the kneeling Kris swirled his tongue around his head before plunging deeply again, lips pressing firmly against his body as Adam wriggled a finger inside.
“Wanna see you fuck him.” Adam commanded, pushing up hard inside of Kris. “Then I want to fuck him. Then I want to fuck you.”
“Then I fuck you.” The kneeling Kris said, standing up to pin the current-era Kris between him and Adam. Adam shot him a challenging look.
“What makes you so sure of that?”
“I’m from the future, dummy.” Kris said, pulling his chin forward over Kris’s shoulder so he could kiss him.
“This is awesome.” The middle Kris remarked. “Fucking awesome.”
The three men lay on the bed for awhile, kissing and exploring each other. The Krisses lost interest in themselves and moved their hands and mouths onto an extremely responsive Adam. Adam, for his part, was content to have one Kris pressed against his mouth while the other slid himself down over his cock; one riding him hard while the other ground against his side.
“You don’t know how hard I’ve gotten thinking about this. Ever since I found out it was possible.” Adam mumbled to the Kris closer to his face.
“You don’t know how hard I get remembering it.”
“Do we do this again?” Adam asked, dying beneath the assault on his senses.
“No questions, Adam. You know that.” Kris said, enjoying Adam’s frustrated moan and ending it with a kiss.
“Hey!” Kris said, interrupting the moment. “A little help up here, you lazy bastard.” Kris laughed into Adam’s mouth and reached down to help his counterpart, stroking his cock in time to the thrusts as he continued his assault on Adam’s mouth.
After Kris came, they switched positions, Adam on his knees over the exhausted Kris while the other took place behind him.
“I’m a little jealous.” Kris mumbled sleepily. “I never get to top you.”
“Can’t blame you.” The other Kris panted. But you’ll get to soon enough. You won’t stop whining about wanting to try after seeing this and he gives in, since now he knows how good it feels with me inside him. Course it will take you awhile to get this good.” He said, illustrating his point as Adam let loose with a string of delicious profanity. “But he’ll help you get here.”
“This doesn’t make any sense!” Adam shouted. “But Fuck, I love it.” He leaned forward and kissed Kris, each movement inside him causing their mouths to roughly rub together. He felt a hand on his cock and, not caring who it belonged to, he thrust into it with abandon.
“Fuck me, gorgeous.” Adam commanded and Kris pressed harder, working with Adam’s motion as his other self stroked Adam’s cock.
“Flip around.” Kris told himself, and Adam gasped as the Kris beneath him revered directions and assaulted him with his mouth.
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Adam gasped, resting his head on Kris’s thigh to give him a better angle to work with. It was incredible, knowing Kris was inside him and around him all at once, hearing Kris’s voice gently encouraging him as the same mouth sucked his cock, sliding his thick lower lip over the tip again and again.
All of a sudden Kris laughed, feeling himself slipping away from the moment.
“I’m so sorry, Adam.” He said, the other Kris starting to laugh too. “I’m trying to stay. Come for me, baby.”
Adam cried out, feeling the man inside him becoming less substantial by the second. The Kris below him doubled his effort, and with a final vague thrust the traveling Kris was gone and Adam was coming in hot spurts down his Kris’s throat.
***
Kris reappeared in bed next to Adam and groaned in frustration.
“Wake up, baby. God, I need you.” He begged, shaking Adam awake.
“What? I… Kris I’m sleeping.”
“It happened, Adam, remember. Oh God, I need to be inside you. Fuck, I’m dying here.” Kris stripped off the blankets and pulled Adam’s pajama pants down fast.
“Oh. OH. God damn, hang on gorgeous. Let me-“ Adam reached for the bedside stand and pulled out the lube, tossing the bottle to Kris. “I came so hard right after you left. Remember? You swallowed it down so good, I was nearly choking you.”
“You taste so good, Adam. You feel even better. Knees up.” Adam complied, angling his body up to Kris, who pressed inside without preamble.
“You looked so hot, mouth wrapped around Kris’s cock. It was like a trip, the best fucking trip I’ve ever been on. Watching you fuck yourself, leaning over me. Kristopher.” Adam gasped, reliving the moment right along with Kris. “I’m so fucking lucky.”
“Not as lucky as me.” Kris gasped as he shot hard inside Adam, having already been on the brink before he had reappeared in his present. “I got to live it twice.” He collapsed against Adam’s back, shuddering as his heart began to slow down to more human levels.
“You don’t understand.” Adam said, flipping around so that Kris lay on his chest instead. “You’re so perfect, and there were two of you. Fuck. Imagine what you would do with two of me.”
Kris chuckled. “Baby, the world would explode.”
“You’re probably right.” Adam agreed. “But you can’t just wake me up like this and expect to drift off to sleep.”
“My ass is sore.” Kris grumbled. “I gave me quite a work out if you remember.”
“That’s the problem.” Adam said, pulling on Kris’s hips to make him sit up. “I do remember it, and it was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen, and now you’ve got me thinking about it. Can’t your future self come back here for a moment and put out?”
“I wish.” Kris said, slicking Adam’s cock with the lube. “But I’d never turn you down, baby.”
“Don’t I know it.” Adam grinned cockily as Kris worked himself down, eyelids fluttering as he stretched himself wide around Adam’s eager cock.”Fuck, Kristopher.”
“As you wish.” Kris said, rocking his hips back and forth, making Adam gasp and roll beneath him. It was a lot for one day; but it was only fair.
***
I t was 2009 and they were meeting for the first time, though Kris had already loved him for a few months. The visits he had made to the future were always the same. He’d appear near Adam, his anchor in time, and Adam would kiss him, hold him for however long they had together. The first time had been a shock, as Kris didn’t know who he was, not really. But as Adam had leaned over him, his heart recognized what his mind could barely comprehend.
When Adam had walked over to introduce himself, Kris nearly cried out “at last.” He knew he and Adam ended up together, but he had no idea how. He was married after all, and there was so much this Adam didn’t know.
“I’m Adam Lambert.” Adam said, smiling and sticking out his hand.
“I know. I’ve been waiting for you.” Kris said, laughing. It was an absurd thing to say, but Adam had told him it was the first thing he’d ever said to him. “I’m Kris Allen.”
“This is going to sound ridiculous, but do I know you? You look so familiar, like someone I knew when I was younger. A friend of my parents that used to come to visit every now and again. But that doesn’t make any sense. You’re not anywhere near their age.”
“Maybe we’re related.” Kris offered, knowing that the first day of Hollywood week was not the time to drop this bomb on his Adam. There would be many more nights to explain.
“Maybe it’s déjà vous.” Adam shot back. “You ever feel like that? Like you’ve lived all this before?”
“All the time.” Kris said, wishing that he could kiss Adam. All these years, and finally they were together, in the same place. It was like the reading the beginning of your favorite book again, heart smiling at all the familiar words and rejoicing at remembering the parts of the story you had forgotten.
“Good. Most people just think I’m crazy.”
“Maybe you are.” Kris had a sudden flash of standing in the back of a crowded club, watching Adam from afar as he danced seductively in tight red pants. “Just like that song.”
Adam’s smile lit up and he hummed a few bars of "Crazy." It sounded amazing.
“I sang that song once. A few times, actually. It’s one of my faves. Don’t think they’d let me do it on the show - my dancing to it might be a little much for American Idol.”
“You’ll have to show me sometime.” Kris said, knowing he would and also knowing that Adam would be surprised by the invitation.
“Sounds interesting.” Adam said, raising his eyebrows. “You’re going to surprise me, I can tell.”
“You have no idea.” Kris promised, knowing that he was supposed to take Adam’s hand just then and give it a small squeeze. He did, and Adam squeezed back.
Everything was just as it was supposed to be.