Cant breathe without you, but I have to.
Author: Kirabella1588
Pairing: Kradam!
Summary: Our boys come to terms with the end.
Rating: PG for language
Warnings: Angssssttt!! Sadness
Disclaimer: Um. Firstly, I do not own anything so please dont sue me ok? Secondly, I apologise that all my writings are pretty debbie downer right now. This is not a good time of year for me. Deathversaries blow, so please try not to hate on me too harshly.
Title and inspiration lifted from this gem of a song/video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wO9ixu-HKU&feature=SeriesPlayList&p=0BD69368AB943C89&index=1 I listened to it on repeat while I was writing, so maybe the fic will be read better if you listen while you read? I dont know.
Its not even a question. Theres no hope for either of them. For an us or a together. But it is anyway. The last night of the tour has come, and they are all feeling it in different ways. Sickness has run rampant between the contestants, so they are under the weather in more ways than one.
Adam is the most recent to contract the offending bug, and prior to that it was Kris. Which is fitting really, when one thinks about it. Oh no, it isnt like that. No matter how much the two men want it to be, its not like that. Kris stares at Adam's form from across the green room of the venue(which isnt actually green. Most 'green' rooms are not. Kris always has to chuckle at just how much this fact upsets Adam) not really seeing anything. His thoughts are far away, back at the beginning of Idol.
He was a different person then. A naive and simple country boy with a kind heart and a big dream. A big dream that would carry him as far as he could go. Adam had shown him so much. Opposites in every way, the two had fused together like the positive and negative forces of a magnet. Adam was the 'glittery alien from planet fierce' with all the performance prowess, and Kris? Kris had a six string and a raw, expressive voice that could wrench or soften the hearts of many, depending on how he chose to use it.
Kris grew up fast during his Idol journey. He learned that he loved Katy more than he ever thought was possible, but also that time away was good. They both needed to be thier own people and they were. This made getting to see eachother so much better. Kris muses that perhaps he platonically replaced Katy by fusing himself to Adam the way he did. Not that it mattered. No, not at all.
The two men vollied ideas off of eachother all the time, only there was no net in between them. Kris could easily say that Adam was largely the reason he was able to stay in the competition. Always there with a "Fuck yea!" or "Aw hell nawh, do it this way..." followed with an example. Ultimately, Kris won because of Adam, not as opposed to him, he thought anyway. He was very clear about this thought whenever he was asked too. Adam didnt think that was a good idea but Kris gave credit where credit was due. During tour, Kris quickly learned that not all Christians were nice, slightly naive, loving country folk like himself. Some of them were downright idiots. The first time a protest had happened Kris had wanted the gloves to come off. "No, Krissifer. Dont. These people are just people, standing up for what they believe in, just like I do. They arent hurting anyone, leave 'em be dollface." Adam had said as he laid a strong hand on his smaller shoulder. The disbelieving thunderous anger had seeped away in a matter of seconds. The Glittery Alien teaches a life lesson, again.
It is the last night of the tour and Kris wonders what happens now. He doesnt know when he'll see Adam again, or if he can handle being away from him for more than...how long had he been away from him during the duration of Idol anyway? A week at most, and he had always been so busy that it was easy to stave off the little pang he felt in the recesses of his heart. Now, Kris had no idea what he was going to do. He didnt have the proper artillery he needed to face life without Adam for such a long period of time...
~
Adam lay carefully on the couch in the room that posed as a 'green' one. He was absolutely silent because he had to be if he wanted to perform for however many millions of fans later. If he had a voice, all it would be good for was moaning in pain and whimpering in sadness at this point anyway. Neither of these things held any purpose. From his perch, Adam had clear sightlines to Kris. He looked lost and pensieve, wearing the kind of expression that would make Adam's mother softly mutter "penny for your thoughts" to pull him from his reverie and get him to talk about things when he was small. This flu has really taken its toll on Adam, having gone through almost everyone else already. Adam was glad that it was the last night of the tour because of this, but that was the only reason he was glad. If he were to think back on his year, Adam would have to say he hadnt really changed much. He'd put away the really outrageous stuff and toned it down just a little for the masses, but mostly he kept true to himself. He never felt the need to quiet who he was, but he never felt the need to scream it out for the general public either. This had served him well for the most part.
When he first moved into the mansion and found out that he would, in fact, be rooming with the cutest guy there, his stomach had knotted. Most men were scared to room with him anyway. Adam was intimidating no matter how awesome his smile was or how often one crossed his face. The fact that he was gay didnt help things either. But Kris, Kris had taken him into an embrace the minute Adam closed the door behind them. The man was straight, married and Christian and he was hugging a guy who was pretty much the textbook definiton of 'sin' But, that was Kris and Adam had never met anyone like him. Now the fear that he never would again was beginning to creep under his skin. How would he do this? Both parties knew they loved eachother. They also knew they could never be together in that sense, simply because it would topple the equilibrium of thier respective existances. Adam sat up and hung his head in his hands. The rustle he had made must have jarred Kris from his thoughts because as soon as Adam moved, those smiling chocolate browns were on him.
~
Kris got up and went over to Adam, putting one hand on his back and tracing it in what he hoped were soothing circles. Adam looked up and smiled. "Happy last show" the self proclaimed 'edgy with a smile' rocker ventured. His eyebrows shot up adorably in surprise when he found that his voice sounded normal. As soon as the words left his lips however, those baby blues swirled with such anguish that Kris didnt even need to hear him say it. He knew that what Adam really meant was happy last time.
The two men embraced, both with tears stinging thier ducts. The stage hand called places and Adam squeezed Kris' hand as they boarded the lift for Dont Stop Believin'. Kris let out a gust of air and prepared to let go for the first time, because it was the last time.
Pairing: Kradam!
Summary: Our boys come to terms with the end.
Rating: PG for language
Warnings: Angssssttt!! Sadness
Disclaimer: Um. Firstly, I do not own anything so please dont sue me ok? Secondly, I apologise that all my writings are pretty debbie downer right now. This is not a good time of year for me. Deathversaries blow, so please try not to hate on me too harshly.
Title and inspiration lifted from this gem of a song/video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wO9ixu-HKU&feature=SeriesPlayList&p=0BD69368AB943C89&index=1 I listened to it on repeat while I was writing, so maybe the fic will be read better if you listen while you read? I dont know.
Its not even a question. Theres no hope for either of them. For an us or a together. But it is anyway. The last night of the tour has come, and they are all feeling it in different ways. Sickness has run rampant between the contestants, so they are under the weather in more ways than one.
Adam is the most recent to contract the offending bug, and prior to that it was Kris. Which is fitting really, when one thinks about it. Oh no, it isnt like that. No matter how much the two men want it to be, its not like that. Kris stares at Adam's form from across the green room of the venue(which isnt actually green. Most 'green' rooms are not. Kris always has to chuckle at just how much this fact upsets Adam) not really seeing anything. His thoughts are far away, back at the beginning of Idol.
He was a different person then. A naive and simple country boy with a kind heart and a big dream. A big dream that would carry him as far as he could go. Adam had shown him so much. Opposites in every way, the two had fused together like the positive and negative forces of a magnet. Adam was the 'glittery alien from planet fierce' with all the performance prowess, and Kris? Kris had a six string and a raw, expressive voice that could wrench or soften the hearts of many, depending on how he chose to use it.
Kris grew up fast during his Idol journey. He learned that he loved Katy more than he ever thought was possible, but also that time away was good. They both needed to be thier own people and they were. This made getting to see eachother so much better. Kris muses that perhaps he platonically replaced Katy by fusing himself to Adam the way he did. Not that it mattered. No, not at all.
The two men vollied ideas off of eachother all the time, only there was no net in between them. Kris could easily say that Adam was largely the reason he was able to stay in the competition. Always there with a "Fuck yea!" or "Aw hell nawh, do it this way..." followed with an example. Ultimately, Kris won because of Adam, not as opposed to him, he thought anyway. He was very clear about this thought whenever he was asked too. Adam didnt think that was a good idea but Kris gave credit where credit was due. During tour, Kris quickly learned that not all Christians were nice, slightly naive, loving country folk like himself. Some of them were downright idiots. The first time a protest had happened Kris had wanted the gloves to come off. "No, Krissifer. Dont. These people are just people, standing up for what they believe in, just like I do. They arent hurting anyone, leave 'em be dollface." Adam had said as he laid a strong hand on his smaller shoulder. The disbelieving thunderous anger had seeped away in a matter of seconds. The Glittery Alien teaches a life lesson, again.
It is the last night of the tour and Kris wonders what happens now. He doesnt know when he'll see Adam again, or if he can handle being away from him for more than...how long had he been away from him during the duration of Idol anyway? A week at most, and he had always been so busy that it was easy to stave off the little pang he felt in the recesses of his heart. Now, Kris had no idea what he was going to do. He didnt have the proper artillery he needed to face life without Adam for such a long period of time...
~
Adam lay carefully on the couch in the room that posed as a 'green' one. He was absolutely silent because he had to be if he wanted to perform for however many millions of fans later. If he had a voice, all it would be good for was moaning in pain and whimpering in sadness at this point anyway. Neither of these things held any purpose. From his perch, Adam had clear sightlines to Kris. He looked lost and pensieve, wearing the kind of expression that would make Adam's mother softly mutter "penny for your thoughts" to pull him from his reverie and get him to talk about things when he was small. This flu has really taken its toll on Adam, having gone through almost everyone else already. Adam was glad that it was the last night of the tour because of this, but that was the only reason he was glad. If he were to think back on his year, Adam would have to say he hadnt really changed much. He'd put away the really outrageous stuff and toned it down just a little for the masses, but mostly he kept true to himself. He never felt the need to quiet who he was, but he never felt the need to scream it out for the general public either. This had served him well for the most part.
When he first moved into the mansion and found out that he would, in fact, be rooming with the cutest guy there, his stomach had knotted. Most men were scared to room with him anyway. Adam was intimidating no matter how awesome his smile was or how often one crossed his face. The fact that he was gay didnt help things either. But Kris, Kris had taken him into an embrace the minute Adam closed the door behind them. The man was straight, married and Christian and he was hugging a guy who was pretty much the textbook definiton of 'sin' But, that was Kris and Adam had never met anyone like him. Now the fear that he never would again was beginning to creep under his skin. How would he do this? Both parties knew they loved eachother. They also knew they could never be together in that sense, simply because it would topple the equilibrium of thier respective existances. Adam sat up and hung his head in his hands. The rustle he had made must have jarred Kris from his thoughts because as soon as Adam moved, those smiling chocolate browns were on him.
~
Kris got up and went over to Adam, putting one hand on his back and tracing it in what he hoped were soothing circles. Adam looked up and smiled. "Happy last show" the self proclaimed 'edgy with a smile' rocker ventured. His eyebrows shot up adorably in surprise when he found that his voice sounded normal. As soon as the words left his lips however, those baby blues swirled with such anguish that Kris didnt even need to hear him say it. He knew that what Adam really meant was happy last time.
The two men embraced, both with tears stinging thier ducts. The stage hand called places and Adam squeezed Kris' hand as they boarded the lift for Dont Stop Believin'. Kris let out a gust of air and prepared to let go for the first time, because it was the last time.