Fic: Distance - "Breathing" and "Presence"
Fic: Distance - Breathing & Presence
Length: 1400 words total
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Adam & Kris, Drake (barely)
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, they are real people, they own themselves. These situations are all fiction. I am making no profit from this story, Etc., etc.
Author note: Two short drabbles with the theme of “distance.” Basically, these are just therapy for me. I don’t like Kris and Adam being apart. Very loosely follows “Holding out for a kiss,” but can definitely be read as stand alone. If you want to read HOFAK, it’s found here: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/731445.html
Summary: There are ways to feel close, even at a distance.
He’s still fuzzy from an exhaustion hangover as he snaps the phone open and reads the text from Kris: Can’t sleep w/o the bus noises & hearing you breathing.
Breathing
Adam’s phone buzzes loudly on the hard wood table and he grabs it up quickly, before it wakes the man sleeping next to him. He shakes himself a bit to try to wake up. It had been a long, but fun day - flight from Detroit to LA, Pink concert with Drake, some “getting reacquainted time” too, before crashing and sleeping with no trouble at all. He’s still fuzzy from an exhaustion hangover as he snaps the phone open and reads the text from Kris: Can’t sleep w/o the bus noises & hearing you breathing.
Adam catches his breath, chokes back a near-sob. Damn, this is so hard! Before he can answer the text, there’s another one: I know, I’m pathetic. Only 1 day & I miss you so damn much.
Shaking his head, Adam taps out an answer. Not pathetic. Miss you 2.
Taking a deep breath, he lays his head back on the pillow, waiting to receive the text he knows is coming next.
Tell me again why I can’t have u, cause it hasn’t gotten through yet to my head or brain or... U know.
Always the question Adam has an increasingly tougher time answering. He knows it’s partly self-preservation. Heartbreak is the worst kind of pain. What if he gives Kris every bit of his heart and it’s still ultimately crushed by Kris’s wedding vows? Kris has to be sure. Kris has to give it time to be sure. Adam’s thumbs go to work on the reply: Ur brain does know. Ur heart - I don’t know yet. Part is still Katy’s. As far as… U know…there’s always ur left hand.
He presses send with a little smirk, glances over at Drake beside him, and thinks of the irony. He has “company”, and the married one is alone and lonely in yet one more hotel room in - where was it? Boston, he was pretty sure. Alone in a hotel room in Boston and what Kris wants - who Kris wants - is still not his wife.
Adam wonders if he should get out of bed before all this buzzing and button-pushing wakes up Drake. He fights back the guilt that’s creeping in on him over Drake and tells himself it’s ridiculous. Adam knows Drake isn’t “the one” he’s been looking for, “the one” who’ll complete him. But he likes Drake, and a guy has needs! The next phone vibration makes him jump, and the text asks simply, Is this a bad time?
He figures he may as well be honest. Kris has a way of knowing things. He sends back, With Drake. But he’s asleep.
Adam knows Kris won’t be happy with that, but Kris’s response makes him smile. Will try not 2 be jealous & just send congrats. At least 1 of us is getting some.
Kris was really trying. He actually liked Drake - just not the thought of him sharing Adam’s bed! It was like they were lovers for real, and not only in their minds. They’d resisted temptation (all but that one little slip-up, when Kris had been so insistent on a kiss!) Truth was, Adam liked Katy a lot and yet hated seeing Kris and Katy together. So he couldn’t fault Kris for his jealousy. Adam texted back, OK, will admit I’d rather have U.
The return text was swift. Best text ever! Saving this one. Go back 2 bed, Adam. Thxs 4 letting me feel like Ur still near.
All Adam can think is Kris needs me. But that’s enough for a brilliant idea. Adam snaps the phone shut and slips out of bed quietly to rifle through a desk drawer. Finding his digital recorder, he sets it up on his nightstand and pushes record. It should be good for a few hours. Then Adam stretches out on his side, back turned to Drake, and snuggles into his pillow. Kris will sleep better tomorrow, he tells himself, falling back asleep thinking about the man he’s pretty sure is going to be his in the end. It isn’t long before his breathing is deep, relaxed and peaceful.
Presence
Kris wakes up pretty stoked - he’s been looking forward to this day for so long! He doesn’t even care that it’s 5:30 in the morning and he’s being shuttled to the radio station by 6:30 for interviews before his very first single gets released. It’s a dream he never thought would become reality, especially not with this much excitement and anticipation. He’s being interviewed by MTV about it - Kris Allen from Arkansas! It can’t be real.
Most of the past year doesn’t seem real to Kris. Even making it to the top 13 on American Idol was a surprise, and then every single week when he didn’t get eliminated. It’s not that he didn’t believe in himself or think he had talent. It’s just that so many others were talented, too, and he was constantly surprised that his style won people over. Then the craziness of the tour hit, 52 live concerts all over the country, thousands of fans clapping and cheering and wanting autographs (among other things they want - wow!) It was all so new to him.
There were downsides to all of this, though. He looks at his empty bed and is reminded of the downside. Kris’s big moment will happen alone. Right now he’s wishing he’d asked Katy to come to New York instead of working on their new apartment in LA. But he couldn’t do it. He knew how much it meant to her to get the apartment all set up and ready. She had a little more than a week before he’d be joining her there, and she wanted it perfect. Kris needed to let her have that. After all, their next couple of months might be their last together.
That’s because of Adam. Truth is, Kris wants Adam here with him far more than he wants Katy here. Kris and Adam have spent nearly every waking moment (and most of their sleeping moments, too) over the past six months within a few steps, or an arm’s reach, of each other. All that togetherness is the reason Adam thinks Kris only has a crush that will somehow go away when distance sets in and real life takes over. Kris knows his own heart; Kris remembers how it felt that one time he and Adam had “crossed the line”; Kris knows there’s nothing he wants more than to give himself completely to Adam. Nothing. Not the premiere of his first single, not the release of his album, not even that faint, far away dream of someday getting a grammy nomination. He didn’t want his future’s epic moments to come to him without Adam there, and the first one was - today.
An hour later, Kris finds it impossible not to get excited when he finds fans standing outside the radio studio, waiting to get a glimpse of him. It’s so surreal, especially this early in the morning. He feels a bit silly when he realizes that he’s searching faces to see if Adam might be here. Of course he can’t possibly be - he’s recording today and he’s further behind on his album than Kris is, despite the fact that it has to be ready just one week after his own. Adam has to do his thing, not do Kris’s things.
Kris is being whisked inside for press now, but he feels his phone buzz in his pocket and checks for the message. It’s from Adam, and his heart flutters like a little girl and he doesn’t even mind admitting that to himself. It’s 4 a.m. in LA. Laptop is on. Z-100’s streaming. Yes, Im here 4 ur premiere. Im here 4 you, bb. At 4 in the fucking morning. I think I must be in love.
Kris swipes at a tear, sends a quick reply: So you finally admit it! Thnxs 4 being here. And he stands still for just a moment, holds the phone against his heart like it’s Adam, and soaks in his presence.