fic: affirmation
title: Affirmation
author: asm614
pairing: Kris/Adam, Kris/Brad (friendship - sorta?)
rating: PG-13 (for language)
word count: 2129
disclaimer: Not mine.
notes: Written for aificathon using the prompt: A non-AU Kradam fic. When Kris needs to get away, he goes the last place anyone will think to look. Angst is great, but please end on an upbeat.
Kris has gotten to know LA pretty well because of the months he had to live there for Idol, but now, standing at the entrance to the West Hollywood apartment complex definitely has him feeling a bit out of his comfort zone.
Looking behind him, he realizes the taxi is gone; it’s just as well. The last thing he needs right now is to chicken out and head back to LAX.
He thinks he might vaguely remember coming by this place once before, with Adam, sometime during tour rehearsals. His memory is usually pretty good, so he hopes it’s held up this time. Otherwise, he could end up humiliating himself pretty spectacularly.
He probably should have figured out a way to call first.
But now he’s here; he flew across the country to do this, and he won’t go back until it’s done. He can’t. The tour ends in less than a week, and he won’t leave this unresolved.
The numbers on the apartments are large, and he spots the one he needs easily. It’s not more than a few yards away, but Kris feels like it takes an hour to get across the parking lot; maybe it does. His brain and feet aren’t really working together so well right now.
He feels his phone vibrate in his pocket again, and this time, he checks the display.
It’s another text. From Adam.
Where r u? Plz, Kris. We need 2 talk... or something. Just... call me, ok?
By now, Kris has reached the door he needs. He can’t deal with this now. He doesn’t know what he’d say. Not yet, anyway.
Before he can knock, the door opens swiftly, catching him off-guard.
“So it is you,” says the tenant, giving Kris a once-over.
“Um, hi,” Kris manages, feeling his face flush.
“Fancy finding you on my doorstep, sweet pea. Did Dumbledore drop you off? Because I’m not really in the market for adopting an orphan right now...”
Kris wants to roll his eyes, but he doesn’t - he knows he should be prepared for all of this. It’s not like he and Brad have never met before.
Brad continues, not missing a beat. “Do the Mommy and Daddy Idols know their most prized one has escaped the nest?”
“No one knows where I am,” Kris says. “We’re off today. They probably think I’m in New York recording.”
“I see,” Brad replies. He nods thoughtfully, slim index finger tapping quizzically at his chin. “So then, that begs one important question: what the fuck are you doing here?”
Kris sighs. “I needed to talk to you.”
Brad’s eyebrows disappear into his hairline. “Me?”
“Yeah. You... you know him better than anyone,” Kris mumbles.
Brad gives Kris a scandalous grin. “My, my, my. This is getting more and more interesting by the second!”
Kris fidgets a bit, looking down. He can feel the heat in his neck and face. Brad isn’t going to make this easy on him; he can tell that much.
“Well, come in, come in. Luckily, I’m not entertaining this afternoon, so the coast is clear.” He steps aside, allowing Kris enough room to enter the apartment.
Kris looks around once he’s inside. He’s not really sure how he expected Brad’s place to look, but this isn’t it, really. The space is open and airy with cool tones and hardwood floors. The furniture looks comfortable but stylish.
“Expecting to see pink boas and sequined tapestries?” Brad asks, amusement dancing in his eyes as he watches Kris survey the room.
“It’s nice,” is all Kris offers in reply. He didn’t come to discuss decorating with Adam’s ex-boyfriend.
“Thank you kindly. Can I get you something to drink? Water? Vodka?”
Kris holds up a hand in refusal. “I’m good, thanks.”
Brad grabs himself a bottle of water from the fridge, snagging an extra one, placing it on the dining table. “Just in case you change your mind,” he says, uncapping his own bottle and taking a deep swig.
“Thanks.”
“People can say what they will about me, but no one will ever be able to deny that Cheeks was one fabulous hostess,” Brad says lightly, and then gestures at the table. “Step into my office, Mr. American Idol. The first hour is free.”
Kris really does roll his eyes this time, but he pulls out a chair and sits down. His phone vibrates again, but when he pulls it out of his pocket, Brad snatches it out of his hand before he can check the message.
“Kris, I’m sorry. Please talk to me. I know you’re not recording. Please respond,” Brad reads aloud, and Kris notices that something’s changed in his eyes. “You’re ignoring him?”
“No... Yes... It’s complicated,” he mumbles, massaging his forehead. “Something happened.”
“Obviously.”
“I can explain...” Kris tries to start again.
“Can’t wait to hear this one,” Brad retorts, and something about his tone makes Kris look up harshly.
“Look man,” he says, in an unexpected rush of courage. “I came here to talk to Brad, not Cheeks. And yes, I’m aware of the difference between the two. Let me be really clear about something. I’m not trying to hurt Adam. I would never intentionally do anything that had a fraction of a chance of hurting Adam. I needed to talk to someone who knows this person who just... who means so fucking much to me that I don’t even know... That’s what I need right now. And I know it’s asking a lot of you. And maybe I don’t deserve it. But if you can’t do that right now, then please, just let me know.”
“I can see why he likes you so much,” is all Brad murmurs at first. Finally, he sighs. “Fine, Kris. I’m sorry. What can I do?”
Kris clears his throat and forces a smile. Maybe it won’t be so bad after all. “I guess I should give you some background first.”
“If it saves you any time, I know all about the Kradam,” Brad offers, taking another sip of his water. “Between Adam, Twitter, and the rest of the Internet, I think I’d have to be dead to miss it.”
Kris has to laugh a little, even if it’s a little choked. “Yeah... There’s that. But that’s... well, except for Adam, I guess, that’s just all been... speculation, you know?”
“So are you saying it’s inaccurate?” Brad asks, tilting his head and raising an eyebrow.
“It’s... What has Adam said to you?” The question is impulsive, and Kris knows it.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. You came to me, precious. You don’t get to ask the questions yet,” Brad drawls, shaking his finger at Kris.
Kris sighs. “Okay, so some of it’s true. I mean... Obviously he’s become one of my best friends. We’re really close, he’s, like, my best friend on the tour, and for a while I thought that was it. I mean all the Kradam stuff about us being... um, you know, uh, more, or whatever, wasn’t true.”
“Wasn’t? But now it is?” Brad’s tone is one Kris can’t quite interpret. It might sound a little surprised, but there’s something else behind it too.
“Last night,” Kris offers simply. “But not... not... everything happened, or even close to it. Just... enough to... to change things. Maybe.”
Brad is still giving Kris a look, so Kris figures he better just keep talking. “You probably already know that sometimes we hang out after the shows, in my room or his room, or whatever, so that wasn’t anything weird last night... But then we were just goofing and things just... went somewhere else, man, I don’t even know how... but... we ended up talking about how we were gonna miss each other after the tour, and one thing just led to the next, and then... he kissed me... and I let him. For awhile.”
“And then you freaked out?” Brad surmises, a knowing expression on his face.
Kris blushes, and studies the woven placemat with intense concentration. “Kind of.”
Brad makes some kind of noncommittal sound in the back of his throat. “I see. And so now you’ve run off to talk to me and Adam’s stuck back in wherever-the-fuck-ville with the tour, wondering if you’re ever going to speak to him again?”
Kris grimaces. He hadn’t thought of it that way. “It’s not like that, really,” he says quickly, hoping he can somehow recover from this. “It’s not... I... I’m not freaking out because I regret it.”
“Oh, even better. So Adam’s back on the other side of the country, then, destroying his forty-dollar manicure, thinking you hate him, when really, you’re worried it might mean you love him? Or something? Am I following?” Brad is sounding less and less impressed.
“Ugh,” Kris groans, burying his face in his hands. “I panicked, I know. But I just... there’s not much time left, and I don’t know what to do. And for fuck’s sake, I’m married, but I think I might be in love with my gay best friend, and I’m okay with that. And before I make the decision to throw my entire life into a tailspin and everything I’ve ever known, I just... Do I even deserve to want that? Am I good enough for him?”
When Kris looks up again, Brad’s eyes are as wide as saucers. “Wow.”
“Yeah... So that’s pretty much my dilemma,” Kris finishes, dragging his index finger along the bottom of his watery right eye. A box of tissues has magically appeared next to him, so he snags one.
“Why do you think I can help you with this?” Brad asks quietly. “Why do you think I’d even want to?” By his tone, Kris knows Brad doesn’t mean it maliciously.
“Because Adam’s told me about the two of you. And even though things aren’t the same now, I know you care about him, and want the best for him, and love him in your own way. So if I’m totally not worthy, if you think I should just... let this go and set him free from whatever... this whole thing is between us... then just tell me that he deserves better. I trust you to know, and I trust you to be honest. Not for me, but for Adam.”
Brad lets out a shaky breath and wipes at his own eyes. “You know, Kris Allen, I’ve been hearing high and low how you’re such a great guy, not just from Adam - I mean especially Adam, but other people too, and I just couldn’t fathom how one person could be that fucking nice and good...” he begins.
Kris swallows heavily, not really sure where Brad’s going with this. Luckily, Brad doesn’t hesitate long before he continues.
“I’m starting to believe they’re right. And if it wasn’t like dating my own damn twin brother, maybe I’d want to go for you too,” he teases, prompting a smile out of Kris.
“Thanks, Brad.” The words do mean a lot to Kris. He appreciates them anytime he hears them, but coming from someone like Brad, who, he knows, is rare to compliment anyone, makes it something even more.
“You’re welcome,” Brad replies, offering back a genuine smile. “But,” he continues, sobering again, “this isn’t going to be easy, you realize. You’ve kinda... got a full plate. But if what you’re telling me is real and true, then you have my blessing. Not that you need it, but... the fact that you even asked makes me even more sure. Just don’t break his heart. Because if I find out you do, I will make sure you regret it. Got it?”
“I wouldn’t ever,” Kris says solemnly. “And I know I’ve got a lot to deal with, but... I know what I want, and I just wanted to make sure I’m making the best decision for him too.”
Brad smirks a little. “I’d say you are.”
Brad’s expression reminds Kris of something from earlier. “So what did Adam say?” he asks again, grinning hopefully.
“Come on, let’s go,” Brad says suddenly, grabbing a set of keys from the counter.
“But -” Kris starts, confused.
“I’ll answer your question,” Brad assures, “over the lunch that you’re buying me for all of my tremendous efforts and advice. I have a lot more wisdom to impart upon you, newbie.”
Kris smiles. “Sure, it’s the least I can do. And thanks.”
Brad returns the gesture. “No problem. Now let’s get going so you can go get your man. And for God’s sake, Allen - text him back!”
Kris nods, pulling out his phone as he follows Brad out the door and to his car.
Will b back soon, needed 2 think. Sry 4 making u worry. Will make it up l8r. Promise. ;) -K
author: asm614
pairing: Kris/Adam, Kris/Brad (friendship - sorta?)
rating: PG-13 (for language)
word count: 2129
disclaimer: Not mine.
notes: Written for aificathon using the prompt: A non-AU Kradam fic. When Kris needs to get away, he goes the last place anyone will think to look. Angst is great, but please end on an upbeat.
Kris has gotten to know LA pretty well because of the months he had to live there for Idol, but now, standing at the entrance to the West Hollywood apartment complex definitely has him feeling a bit out of his comfort zone.
Looking behind him, he realizes the taxi is gone; it’s just as well. The last thing he needs right now is to chicken out and head back to LAX.
He thinks he might vaguely remember coming by this place once before, with Adam, sometime during tour rehearsals. His memory is usually pretty good, so he hopes it’s held up this time. Otherwise, he could end up humiliating himself pretty spectacularly.
He probably should have figured out a way to call first.
But now he’s here; he flew across the country to do this, and he won’t go back until it’s done. He can’t. The tour ends in less than a week, and he won’t leave this unresolved.
The numbers on the apartments are large, and he spots the one he needs easily. It’s not more than a few yards away, but Kris feels like it takes an hour to get across the parking lot; maybe it does. His brain and feet aren’t really working together so well right now.
He feels his phone vibrate in his pocket again, and this time, he checks the display.
It’s another text. From Adam.
Where r u? Plz, Kris. We need 2 talk... or something. Just... call me, ok?
By now, Kris has reached the door he needs. He can’t deal with this now. He doesn’t know what he’d say. Not yet, anyway.
Before he can knock, the door opens swiftly, catching him off-guard.
“So it is you,” says the tenant, giving Kris a once-over.
“Um, hi,” Kris manages, feeling his face flush.
“Fancy finding you on my doorstep, sweet pea. Did Dumbledore drop you off? Because I’m not really in the market for adopting an orphan right now...”
Kris wants to roll his eyes, but he doesn’t - he knows he should be prepared for all of this. It’s not like he and Brad have never met before.
Brad continues, not missing a beat. “Do the Mommy and Daddy Idols know their most prized one has escaped the nest?”
“No one knows where I am,” Kris says. “We’re off today. They probably think I’m in New York recording.”
“I see,” Brad replies. He nods thoughtfully, slim index finger tapping quizzically at his chin. “So then, that begs one important question: what the fuck are you doing here?”
Kris sighs. “I needed to talk to you.”
Brad’s eyebrows disappear into his hairline. “Me?”
“Yeah. You... you know him better than anyone,” Kris mumbles.
Brad gives Kris a scandalous grin. “My, my, my. This is getting more and more interesting by the second!”
Kris fidgets a bit, looking down. He can feel the heat in his neck and face. Brad isn’t going to make this easy on him; he can tell that much.
“Well, come in, come in. Luckily, I’m not entertaining this afternoon, so the coast is clear.” He steps aside, allowing Kris enough room to enter the apartment.
Kris looks around once he’s inside. He’s not really sure how he expected Brad’s place to look, but this isn’t it, really. The space is open and airy with cool tones and hardwood floors. The furniture looks comfortable but stylish.
“Expecting to see pink boas and sequined tapestries?” Brad asks, amusement dancing in his eyes as he watches Kris survey the room.
“It’s nice,” is all Kris offers in reply. He didn’t come to discuss decorating with Adam’s ex-boyfriend.
“Thank you kindly. Can I get you something to drink? Water? Vodka?”
Kris holds up a hand in refusal. “I’m good, thanks.”
Brad grabs himself a bottle of water from the fridge, snagging an extra one, placing it on the dining table. “Just in case you change your mind,” he says, uncapping his own bottle and taking a deep swig.
“Thanks.”
“People can say what they will about me, but no one will ever be able to deny that Cheeks was one fabulous hostess,” Brad says lightly, and then gestures at the table. “Step into my office, Mr. American Idol. The first hour is free.”
Kris really does roll his eyes this time, but he pulls out a chair and sits down. His phone vibrates again, but when he pulls it out of his pocket, Brad snatches it out of his hand before he can check the message.
“Kris, I’m sorry. Please talk to me. I know you’re not recording. Please respond,” Brad reads aloud, and Kris notices that something’s changed in his eyes. “You’re ignoring him?”
“No... Yes... It’s complicated,” he mumbles, massaging his forehead. “Something happened.”
“Obviously.”
“I can explain...” Kris tries to start again.
“Can’t wait to hear this one,” Brad retorts, and something about his tone makes Kris look up harshly.
“Look man,” he says, in an unexpected rush of courage. “I came here to talk to Brad, not Cheeks. And yes, I’m aware of the difference between the two. Let me be really clear about something. I’m not trying to hurt Adam. I would never intentionally do anything that had a fraction of a chance of hurting Adam. I needed to talk to someone who knows this person who just... who means so fucking much to me that I don’t even know... That’s what I need right now. And I know it’s asking a lot of you. And maybe I don’t deserve it. But if you can’t do that right now, then please, just let me know.”
“I can see why he likes you so much,” is all Brad murmurs at first. Finally, he sighs. “Fine, Kris. I’m sorry. What can I do?”
Kris clears his throat and forces a smile. Maybe it won’t be so bad after all. “I guess I should give you some background first.”
“If it saves you any time, I know all about the Kradam,” Brad offers, taking another sip of his water. “Between Adam, Twitter, and the rest of the Internet, I think I’d have to be dead to miss it.”
Kris has to laugh a little, even if it’s a little choked. “Yeah... There’s that. But that’s... well, except for Adam, I guess, that’s just all been... speculation, you know?”
“So are you saying it’s inaccurate?” Brad asks, tilting his head and raising an eyebrow.
“It’s... What has Adam said to you?” The question is impulsive, and Kris knows it.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. You came to me, precious. You don’t get to ask the questions yet,” Brad drawls, shaking his finger at Kris.
Kris sighs. “Okay, so some of it’s true. I mean... Obviously he’s become one of my best friends. We’re really close, he’s, like, my best friend on the tour, and for a while I thought that was it. I mean all the Kradam stuff about us being... um, you know, uh, more, or whatever, wasn’t true.”
“Wasn’t? But now it is?” Brad’s tone is one Kris can’t quite interpret. It might sound a little surprised, but there’s something else behind it too.
“Last night,” Kris offers simply. “But not... not... everything happened, or even close to it. Just... enough to... to change things. Maybe.”
Brad is still giving Kris a look, so Kris figures he better just keep talking. “You probably already know that sometimes we hang out after the shows, in my room or his room, or whatever, so that wasn’t anything weird last night... But then we were just goofing and things just... went somewhere else, man, I don’t even know how... but... we ended up talking about how we were gonna miss each other after the tour, and one thing just led to the next, and then... he kissed me... and I let him. For awhile.”
“And then you freaked out?” Brad surmises, a knowing expression on his face.
Kris blushes, and studies the woven placemat with intense concentration. “Kind of.”
Brad makes some kind of noncommittal sound in the back of his throat. “I see. And so now you’ve run off to talk to me and Adam’s stuck back in wherever-the-fuck-ville with the tour, wondering if you’re ever going to speak to him again?”
Kris grimaces. He hadn’t thought of it that way. “It’s not like that, really,” he says quickly, hoping he can somehow recover from this. “It’s not... I... I’m not freaking out because I regret it.”
“Oh, even better. So Adam’s back on the other side of the country, then, destroying his forty-dollar manicure, thinking you hate him, when really, you’re worried it might mean you love him? Or something? Am I following?” Brad is sounding less and less impressed.
“Ugh,” Kris groans, burying his face in his hands. “I panicked, I know. But I just... there’s not much time left, and I don’t know what to do. And for fuck’s sake, I’m married, but I think I might be in love with my gay best friend, and I’m okay with that. And before I make the decision to throw my entire life into a tailspin and everything I’ve ever known, I just... Do I even deserve to want that? Am I good enough for him?”
When Kris looks up again, Brad’s eyes are as wide as saucers. “Wow.”
“Yeah... So that’s pretty much my dilemma,” Kris finishes, dragging his index finger along the bottom of his watery right eye. A box of tissues has magically appeared next to him, so he snags one.
“Why do you think I can help you with this?” Brad asks quietly. “Why do you think I’d even want to?” By his tone, Kris knows Brad doesn’t mean it maliciously.
“Because Adam’s told me about the two of you. And even though things aren’t the same now, I know you care about him, and want the best for him, and love him in your own way. So if I’m totally not worthy, if you think I should just... let this go and set him free from whatever... this whole thing is between us... then just tell me that he deserves better. I trust you to know, and I trust you to be honest. Not for me, but for Adam.”
Brad lets out a shaky breath and wipes at his own eyes. “You know, Kris Allen, I’ve been hearing high and low how you’re such a great guy, not just from Adam - I mean especially Adam, but other people too, and I just couldn’t fathom how one person could be that fucking nice and good...” he begins.
Kris swallows heavily, not really sure where Brad’s going with this. Luckily, Brad doesn’t hesitate long before he continues.
“I’m starting to believe they’re right. And if it wasn’t like dating my own damn twin brother, maybe I’d want to go for you too,” he teases, prompting a smile out of Kris.
“Thanks, Brad.” The words do mean a lot to Kris. He appreciates them anytime he hears them, but coming from someone like Brad, who, he knows, is rare to compliment anyone, makes it something even more.
“You’re welcome,” Brad replies, offering back a genuine smile. “But,” he continues, sobering again, “this isn’t going to be easy, you realize. You’ve kinda... got a full plate. But if what you’re telling me is real and true, then you have my blessing. Not that you need it, but... the fact that you even asked makes me even more sure. Just don’t break his heart. Because if I find out you do, I will make sure you regret it. Got it?”
“I wouldn’t ever,” Kris says solemnly. “And I know I’ve got a lot to deal with, but... I know what I want, and I just wanted to make sure I’m making the best decision for him too.”
Brad smirks a little. “I’d say you are.”
Brad’s expression reminds Kris of something from earlier. “So what did Adam say?” he asks again, grinning hopefully.
“Come on, let’s go,” Brad says suddenly, grabbing a set of keys from the counter.
“But -” Kris starts, confused.
“I’ll answer your question,” Brad assures, “over the lunch that you’re buying me for all of my tremendous efforts and advice. I have a lot more wisdom to impart upon you, newbie.”
Kris smiles. “Sure, it’s the least I can do. And thanks.”
Brad returns the gesture. “No problem. Now let’s get going so you can go get your man. And for God’s sake, Allen - text him back!”
Kris nods, pulling out his phone as he follows Brad out the door and to his car.
Will b back soon, needed 2 think. Sry 4 making u worry. Will make it up l8r. Promise. ;) -K