Fic: Who's Lovin' You?
Title: Who's Lovin' You?
Author: Broadwaybell91
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone. This is made only of pure fiction and love.
Raiting: Ummm....let's say PG-13 or R to be safe. Theres quite a bit of language.
Fandom: Kris/Adam mentions of Kris/Katy
Type: Short story--Gets a little angsty but I PROMISE if you stick through it the end is a happy one.
Word Count: 5,542
Summary: Katy gets pregnant and Kris has a choice to make. I don't really know how to summarize this. It's a future fic. It's a bit angsty. You're going to hate me at the beginning, but this thing is kind of my baby. And I know I suck at summarizing it but I think you guys will like it. I hope you do. So please, feedback is SO much love.
Warning: Language and what not. No sex, sorry to let you guys down. If you like this enough maybe I can write a sequel or something. Maybe.
2015.
Adam blinked a few times seeing the sunlight streaming into his room and pulled the covers further over his head.
His door swung open and he saw Allison standing there.
“Good morning star shine! Get your ass out of bed. It’s been a week and it’s a new day. Plus, I’m not sure that you’ve showered this entire time. Now up, up, up! Get your ass up!”
Adam glared at her and rolled on his side pulling the covers further up over his head. He didn’t want to get up. And despite what his family and friends thought he had functioned since Kris had given him the news. He had got up to go to the bathroom and force himself to eat and drink every once in awhile. He had showed, but he definitely had showered.
He just couldn’t remember when that was.
He couldn’t remember a lot of things lately.
Allison groaned loudly and tore the covers back figuring that if she couldn’t beat them you might as well join them.
Adam was not the only one that Kris had left in his wake. Allison knew that part of the situation was out of Kris’s hands. But he had a choice whether or not he realized he had a choice. Kris’s problem was that he was too good. He didn’t see that Katy was grabbing at straws. They had been separated for two years now and the divorce papers had just been ready to be finalized. All they needed was Katy’s signature.
Katy and Kris’s marriage had been over long before that.
Nothing had happened between Adam and Kris before Katy and Kris were separated. But everyone knew it was only a matter of time before it did.
They did their best to not be seen in public together, at least alone. They both decided they needed time for things to calm down between him and Katy before they could let the public know that they were together.
Adam understood. It would look horrible for everyone involved. They all knew that Adam had nothing to do with the wreckage that was Kris’s marriage but the media wouldn’t understand that. They were going to have a hard time with it no matter what.
But for them to be seen as a couple before Kris was really even divorced was going to stir a lot of problems. It didn’t matter that Kris and Katy were over, that in Kris’s mind he was no long married to her. The fact of the matter was that people weren’t going to see it in shades of grey. They were going to see it in clear black and white print.
He didn’t want that.
So Adam waited.
Dear God, did he wait.
Adam had been waiting for Kris before he even knew who the hell Kris Allen was. Before he knew what it could be like to touch him, to kiss him, to have his entire body set on fire whenever Kris touched him. Adam didn’t consider himself the sentimental type until he met Kris.
Which he knew sounded stupid and corny and over rated but it was completely true for Adam.
So he could wait for Kris. Their friends and their family knew that they were together. Knew that Adam and Kris were happy together. Knew that they had been best friends for so long that it was almost bound to happen that they were going to more than just best friends.
Kris and Adam understood each other.
But Adam didn’t understand this. No, he couldn’t understand this at all.
“You look like a hot mess.” Allison said with a smile brushing stair hairs out of Adam’s smudged eyes.
Adam attempted something that was supposed to be a smile but turned out more heart breaking than anything Allison had ever seen.
“I’m going to cut Kris’s balls off. I’m going to castrate him. He’s such a bastard. I mean it’s one thing that Him and Katy got emotional when the divorce papers came through and all they had to do was sign the dotted line….”
Adam looked away.
“And you know what? He’s a bitch for sleeping with her. He really is because it’s a gross injustice to your relationship Adam. But I think you guys could have gotten through that. You would have forgiven him.”
Adam’s lips were a thin line.
“But for him to go back to her? What a stupid bitch…God he’s such a…..Kris Allen is such a….”
“Good man.” Adam whispered.
Allison sighed knowing that Adam was right. Katy had no proof that it was actually Kris’s baby. Kris was a dog for sleeping with Katy but Adam would have forgiven him. He knew that this things were like walking around a mind field. He knew that deep down Katy would always have a piece of Kris’s heart that Adam couldn’t have.
He had never felt like he was competing with Katy until right now. He knew that Kris wouldn’t have ever slept with Katy again. He knew Katy probably sobbed and begged and grabbed at him asking him for one more night. He knew Kris looked at her with those big brown doe eyes and against his best intentions gave Katy a final goodbye.
Adam felt the bile rising in his throat thinking that Katy got a part of Kris that he would never be able to have. They had gotten really close to screwing each other’s brains out but one of them always brought up the point that it should be special.
They lived together, they shared so much, but Adam knew Kris wanted to give himself completely over to Adam once the divorce was final.
Even though Adam was incredibly impatient he also thought that it was romantic and enduring. He did his best not to let his hormones take over completely.
And now he wanted to vomit thinking that he would never get Kris like Katy had him so many times before.
He hated Katy for that.
“I hate that I can’t talk bad about him…because he’s my other best friend. And I love him and I know that Kris just wants to support her through this. And he would feel like the worst person in the world if he let Katy go right after she had their baby.”
Adam didn’t say anything and the silence hung between them and Adam hated that he could feel the tears creep into his eyes and spill out of his cheeks.
“I hate this. I hate him. I hate that she gets….that she….I hate that he didn’t even ask if….I could have…we together could….He didn’t even want me…”
Adam broke down into sobs and Allison felt a lump the size of Texas in her throat as she grabbed Adam immediately. It seemed a little ridiculous because Adam was so much bigger than Allison. But Allison did her best to envelop him and to make him feel her love. He buried his head in her neck and just sobbed.
“I’m going to castrate him.” Allison whispered decisively.
Kris’s mom sat there as Kris paced the living room of his old house telling his parents everything. About how stupid he was to sleep with Katy that night. About how every second he was doing it, it didn’t feel right. It felt like a goodbye, like a final parting but it still felt wrong. Because he belonged to Adam now.
And he had made Adam wait all this time and it was supposed to be their time now. He and Katy were so close to being legally divorced and then he and Adam could actually live their life together. And they could move on and not look back. Even though they had been committed to each other the past two years. Him and Katy had been over and he felt no guilt at all being with Adam. None of his family looked at it like he was cheating on Katy. They all knew that it was over, that all it was now was paperwork. Both of them had stopped wearing their rings a long time ago and Katy had been seeing other people too.
But this was going to make it perfect. He could give Adam everything he had left.
Any ties to Katy and his marriage would no longer be standing in their way.
And they could lock themselves in Adam’s room and go at like rabbits for weeks at a time. That part he left out though.
“This doesn’t make any sense Kris.” Kim finally whispered.
He stopped pacing and looked at her. “What do you mean?”
“We mean that it doesn’t make sense. You and Katy have been over for over two years except for that one night when you screwed up. But Kris, this is no way to raise a family. On a mistake that happened right before you got divorced. It’s a horrible way. You’re not in love with Katy anymore. You might love each other, but you aren’t in love Kris.”
Kris sighed collapsing onto the couch.
“But this is my child. And I love him. And Katy and I get along well. And we respect each other. And we could raise this kid together. This is my son, dad. I can’t just not be in his life.”
“I understand. But you can support him, you can love him, you can give him what he needs without being Katy’s husband. You can do that. People have made it work before you know. Being friends and being divorced.”
“It’d be too messy…it’d be….I can’t split my time between my family and Adam.”
Kim shook her head. “Kris, did it ever occur that maybe Adam wanted to be a part of your family? Maybe he wanted to help you raise this child.”
Kris closed his eyes. He felt like the entire world was sitting on his shoulders. Of course he knew that what he was doing was complicated and wrong and someone was going to get hurt no matter what happened.
And he hated that it was Adam, but he knew that Katy needed him right now.
He knew that this baby needed him right now. And he couldn’t half ass it.
In Kris’s mind it was one or the other.
“Can you please just…support me? Can you please just tell me that you’re going to help me through this because I’ve lost a lot of my friends. And I’ve never felt so alone in my life and you’re my parents. So can you please just tell me that even though it looks terrifying and messy right now, that I’m going to come out okay, and Katy is going to come out okay, and everything is going to be okay?”
The silence in the room hung thick in the air and Kris felt both of his parents sit next to him and Kim wrapped an arm around him and pulled him to her.
It wasn’t until then that Kris let the tears come. He cried for Adam. He missed Adam so badly that it felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest.
He cried for Katy. He never meant for this to happen. He should have tried harder when their marriage wasn’t hanging by a thread. He should have been a better husband to her. He shouldn’t have gotten her pregnant when neither one of them were in love with each other anymore. When it was desperate and needy and supposed to be final.
He cried for himself. Because even though he knew that he would make it with Katy. That they would both be okay staying married. That they could fake loving each other until it was real for them again. He knew they both knew that it was never going to be the same.
That this changed everything.
What no one would tell Kris was that he might be content for the rest of his life, but he was never going to be happy again in the way he was happy with Adam.
Because that kind of happiness was made for him and Adam. And it wasn’t the same when they weren’t together.
Kris would never be that happy again as much as he might try with Katy. Katy was not Adam. Katy could never and would never be Adam.
That’s what everyone was saying when they didn’t say anything else that night.
Allison moved in with Adam for a good three months to get him back on his feet. Adam didn’t break down that much since that afternoon when Allison came over, but when he did, Allison was there to wipe away his mascara and put his hair back in place.
Thank God for Allison Iraheta.
She waved it off as not being in the studio right now. So she didn’t have anything better to do but she knew that Adam was thankful for her presence.
Allison had tried to call Kris a couple times but it rolled to voicemail every time. She wondered if he realized that she missed him too. Not just Adam.
It didn’t seem fair that their friendship was one of the handful that got jumbled when Kris and Adam split. People never really knew who to support during these things and Allison knew that Adam needed her.
And honestly as much as she loved Kris she was pretty sure she couldn’t function if she couldn’t be around Adam anymore.
He had been a brother to her by the second week of American Idol and that had yet to change. They were always there for each other.
After the three months and Adam was starting to act like Adam again, neither one of them mentioned Allison moving out. So she stayed.
Allison’s mom liked it because even though she was old enough to be out on her own by now she didn’t like the idea of Allison fending for herself quite yet. Even though Allison was making tons of money on her two albums that had dropped since Idol.
Plus both Allison and Adam really enjoyed the company of each other. They always had enjoyed each other’s company.
Just when Adam was starting to get back on his feet Allison got a call on her phone and her heart stopped when she saw that it was Kris.
“Hello?”
“Cadence Allison Allen. Eight pounds, eight ounces. Ten fingers and ten toes. She was born last night. I just wanted you to know.”
“I thought she was having a boy?”
“We did too.”
The silence hung over them and Allison didn’t even realize how much she had missed hearing Kris’s voice. Her heart pulled roughly and her eyes filled with tears.
“I want to be so angry at you Kris.”
“I know.”
“But I can’t be. As much as I want to be, I can’t be mad at you. Because I love you and God, I miss you. And I wish you were here. And I was I had been there. And you named your daughter after me and Jesus Christ you’re impossible to be mad at…”
Kris half sobbed half laughed on the other line. “I know. I know you are. I miss you too. But it’s just not fair to him if…”
“I know.”
“You broke him. He was ADAM LAMBERT who swaggered into rooms and you broke him. He doesn't swagger anymore. You broke him Kris."
The silence was almost deafening and if Allison didn’t know him so well she wouldn’t have been able to hear him say “I know” again.
“Please tell him. And tell him I’m sorry.”
Adam got worse after that night. After he knew that Kris had a family that Adam had absolutely no part of or in.
That’s when he started to really pick up drinking again. He would go out and find a pretty face and dance and drink and try, try, try to forget Kris.
It would never work but Adam wouldn’t tell that to anyone. Not even to himself.
Because it felt good to have someone’s attention. For them to tell Adam that he was amazing. That he was gorgeous. That they had never met anyone else like him. Who could dance like him, look like him, sing like him.
Adam would smile seductively and shrug like it didn’t matter.
He knew what the press was saying about him.
That even though they couldn’t out why all the sudden Adam was going on a dating binge. Allison saw him drag men in their house night after night and she tried to ignore it. She tried to ignore it when they left in the morning and Adam just looked more empty than the night before.
He was trying to fill the space that Kris used to take up but Allison knew he wasn’t going to be able to. Not with drinking, or with drugs, or with men.
That space was built for Kris. It wasn’t going to be occupied by anything else the way that Kris could really occupy it.
So when Kris and Adam were booked back to back against each other for a charity event it made them both uneasy.
Cadence was almost a year at this point and Katy had her in the audience tonight.
Things between Kris and Katy had been strained from the start but they had been making it work. They both poured all the love they were supposed to have for each other towards their daughter. They respected each other and supported each other.
He was starting to think they could love each other again soon.
There wasn’t a spark there, but Kris figured that they had pretty much ruined the chance of their being the kind of bond they had before every coming back again.
They both knew they were together because Kris was the kind of man who thought it was the right thing to do. And because Katy needed someone to help her through this. She couldn’t do it by herself and Kris wasn’t going to let her.
And it was the easiest solution to them.
Love would come in time.
Kris was at the small food table pouring himself a cup of coffee when he saw Adam. They met eyes and then both of them seemed to stop.
Adam looked older and worn out. Kris had lines around his eyes from sleepless nights staying up with Cadence.
Both of them thought the other one looked better than they had remembered them looking.
Adam fought desperately the feelings of wanting to take Kris in his arms and beg for him back by murmuring “How’s the wife? What is a marriage like when it’s built on obligation instead of love? I’ve always wanted to know.”
It felt like a slap against his face and Kris instinctively played with his wedding ring.
“She’s great. How’s the band of brothers you’ve been parading in and out of clubs for the whole world to see? Aren’t you a little old to be going out clubbing?”
Kris didn’t mean it. And Adam didn’t mean it either but both of them said what they said and there was no way to take it back now.
Adam felt a knot in his throat and he shot Kris a threatening gaze. “Don’t. Don’t you dare. You don’t get to judge me or my life. You don’t get…to judge me. You…broke my heart, you bastard. You don’t get to judge me now. You don’t get to care about my personal life. You had your chance and you made your choice. So don’t come in here and act like I’m the one who was in the wrong here. You dumped me on my ass and then didn’t make a single attempt to talk to me for two years, so don’t you dare act like you care what I do. You don’t have that right.”
Kris clenched his jaw and swallowed hard.
“I hope you’ve been happy with her Kris. I hope you go to hell, but I hope you’re happy.”
Three years later
Kris and Katy Allen’s divorce was a little bit of a shock. We knew that back in 2013 they had been having some problems and weren’t living together anymore.
But then everyone assumed they must have worked it out when Kris announced that his wife was having a baby. Kris and Katy seemed pleasantly happy together and both of their families supported their decision to stay together and raise their daughter cadence.
But Kris’s camp released a statement saying that Mr. Allen wanted to make it that him and his wife were separating stating irreconcilable differences.
They are taking split custody of Cadence and Kris still plans to be a huge part of her life.
They just realized that an unhealthy relationship between her parents would ultimately be worse for Cadence to grow up around then her parents being divorced.
This is probably the route they should have taken in the beginning, but hats off to Kris for realizing this before it got to be too late.
We wish him the best of luck.
Kris struggled to balance the baby bag and Cadence all in his arms as he stood in line at the Starbucks in New York. It was a frigid winter and Cadence was wrapped tightly in her winter gear. Everyone told Kris that she was looking more and more like him every day.
She looks like Adam.
Kris knew that didn’t make any sense at all but it was the truth. She had Adam’s eyes, and she had Adam’s nose.
Kris agreed with them when they told him that. But he knew the truth.
Once he got his coffee he managed to get Cadence to calm down for like, two seconds and gave her a coloring book as he attempted to figure out his schedule for the week.
“She looks like you”
Kris’s heart stopped at the voice and he looked up slowly afraid that if he looked two quickly it would be a dream.
“You think so?”
“Oh yeah. She definitely looks like her dad.”
Adam offered him a smile and Kris could tell that he had straightened himself up. One day Adam had woken up and thought to himself, I’m too old for this shit.
And that was that.
Adam sat down and Kris smiled at him glad that he was actually talking to him for the first time in years.
“I’m so sorry Adam. I…was an idiot. And I am so sorry.”
Adam studied Kris’s face and sighed. “I forgave you a long time ago. I didn’t want to but I realize carrying around all that bitterness against you was killing me. So I had to forgive you. And I’m not angry any more Kris. I was just really hurt for so long. Because I loved you. And you broke my heart. But I think I’ve forgiven you already.”
Kris smiled easily. “I don’t deserve that.”
“Damn right. But I’m just a nice guy like that.”
They both laughed and for the first time in years Kris realized how much he had missed Adam in his life. How much Adam had been his life so long ago.
“Can we be friends again?”
“Yeah. I think so.”
“Jesus. I missed you Adam.”
“Damn right.”
Six months later
Allison tapped her foot impatiently. “Are you sure that he’s coming?”
“He said he was. He sent me an email and asked who was all going to be here. So I think he’s coming. I thought you guys got in contact again?”
“We have been since his divorce. But he didn’t give me a yes or no answer when I asked him about Danny’s wedding. So I didn’t know. Why aren’t you more anxious to see him by the way? Aren’t you guys like a thing?”
Adam rolled his eyes as he played with his phone.
Most of the old idol group was there. It was awkward to be around some of them for so long but Danny had insisted they all go out to dinner the night before his wedding.
Adam hadn’t really had much contact with all that many of them since Idol. But they wrote to each other every now and then and he would always be thankful for their friendship.
Even Danny who apparently was much less annoying now. And the woman he was remarrying was actually a great person and Danny didn’t flirt with Allison anymore.
So Adam liked Danny much more.
They were at dinner and Adam was sitting between Meghan and Allison who were the only two that he had really had a chance to stay in contact with.
When Kris came in half an hour late everyone gave him a hard time and he sat next to Danny. He was across the table and down quite a few chairs from Adam but Kris made a point to stop and mouth “Hey!” to him.
Adam couldn’t help but smile and mouth “Yo” back.
They all drank and talked and laughed and caught up with each other. Some of them had kids and some of them had been married for a few years now. Kris was the only one who had gotten divorced.
Adam was the only one who wasn’t in a relationship right now.
After dinner Allison and Kris went back to Adam’s room in the hotel. They stayed up talking about CD sales, and tours, and fans.
Allison talked about her boyfriend and Adam and Kris listened attentively.
Once Allison got too tired to keep going she decided to leave. That left Adam and Kris alone in Adam’s room and the air of the situation seemed to hit both of them.
They were alone together for the first time like this longer than either one of them could remember at this point.
But it felt right.
It was getting late and Adam looked over at Kris who was pretending to watch the movie that was shining on the TV.
“God, I’ve missed you so much.” Adam whispered leaning over and tracing a finger down Kris’s face.
Kris fought the urge to close his eyes at the feel of Adam’s touch.
“I’ve miss you too.”
Adam didn’t say anything else and Kris turned to look at him.
“I think I’ve always been in love with you. This whole time. I’ve always been in love with you.”
“Kris…”
“I mean that.”
“I know.”
They both fell asleep in Adam’s room that night. When Kris woke up he was secure in Adam’s embrace. Kris knew nothing had happened between them that night. After Kris, like an idiot, blurted that he loved Adam. Adam had felt pity for him and opened his arms which Kris crawled into it.
He had fallen asleep taking in deep breaths of Adam’s scent knowing that this was probably going to be the last time they were together like this again.
Because Kris had his chance with Adam.
He had screwed it up and he was pretty sure that you only got one shot with people like Adam Lambert. As much as he wanted Adam again he knew that sometimes things just didn’t work like that. We didn’t get what we wanted sometimes.
And maybe this was the universe. Maybe Adam and Kris were really never meant to be together in the first place. Obviously someone knew that this was the truth.
Kris woke up before Adam had a chance to and went to his room and slept for a few more hours. He woke up and showered and got dressed for Danny’s wedding.
He made his way down in time to get a good seat where no one else would sit. He could see Allison and Adam scanning the crowd for him but he made no attempt to wave them over.
Any easy escape would be best for everyone he thought.
A clean break.
He didn’t want it to end ugly like it did last time.
He didn’t want to hurt Adam more than he already had.
He sat through the wedding and stayed for part of the reception. About halfway through he made his way out to his car.
He found it and started to walk in that direction and that’s when he saw Adam leaning on one side of the car and Allison on the other.
He walked up to them.
“Um…what the….”
Allison smiled and twirled Kris’s keys in her fingers.
“Adam was going to give these back to you this morning but then we couldn’t find you. And then we couldn’t find you in the reception and that’s when I knew you were going to run.”
“Because that’s what you do when you start loving me too much. You run.”
Kris opened his mouth to object and then he realized it was partly true.”
“And you left us in the dust once before and we aren’t going to let you do it again. Plus from what I heard about last night you and Adam have a shit load of stuff to talk about. So get talking…and other things. I’ll see you back in there.”
Allison smiled and kissed Kris on the cheek.
Kris stuffed his hands in his pockets.
“I shouldn’t have said that last night.”
“No…you shouldn’t have. It doesn’t work like this in real life Kris. This is like movie script shit. We can’t just pick up where we left off five years ago. You do get that, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Because you tore my heart out of my chest when you chose Katy. Tore it out of my chest, Kris. Like I didn’t leave my bed for days.”
“I know.”
“And then you got divorced and I had to hear about it from the news. Which sucked a lot.”
“I know.”
“So it wouldn’t make sense for us to act like none of this ever happened. People don’t do that. It’s just not normal.”
“I know.”
Adam smiled slowly and Kris couldn’t help but wonder what in the world he was smiling about. Was this Adam’s form of revenge for what Kris had done to him all those years ago?
“But the thing is, is that nothing has ever made any damn sense when it came to you. You are like…the exception to every rule in the book. And I’m not myself when I’m around you. And you make me want and feel all these things that I don’t want or feel with anyone else. And Jesus Christ, there’s nothing more that I want than to wake up next you tomorrow morning. And the morning after that. And the morning after that. And the morning after that.”
“But…were kind of damaged now Adam. I mean there’s a lot of baggage and crap and you and I are kind of…”
“We’ll be damaged together. And the thing is Kris, the craziest shit of all, is that I would rather try to work this shit out with you more than I have ever wanted anything. I’ve always wanted to be with you more than anything. And I should have told you that like, forever ago. Because I think it’s kind of ridiculous how much time we’ve wasted. Don’t you?”
Kris grinned at Adam. “But.”
“Kris…shut the hell up.”
Adam stepped forward and grabbed Kris by the shoulders.
Kris searched his eyes and Adam smiled and leaned forward pulling Kris into his long arms and against his chest.
Kris smiled against Adam’s kiss and felt his heart leap out of his body.
It was definitely ridiculous how much time they had wasted.
But Kris wasn’t thinking about that as Adam pulled at his lips or his hands roamed Kris.
All he could think about is how the way he was feeling right now, right this second with Adam, it felt like home.
It felt more like home then anything Kris had ever experienced in his entire life.
We asked Kris how everyone was handling not only the news of him coming out but the news that he and Adam Lambert were now an item.
“Well. I think they’ve all taken it pretty well. My family and friends knew that Adam and I have always cared deeply for each other. And my fans have been pretty supportive of it honestly. And I know that there are a lot of people who don’t support it. But honestly I think I’ve stopped doing what other people think is the right thing for me and done what really is right for me. And it’s stupid that it took Adam and I this long. Because were kind of made for each other.”
Made for each other?
Adam is home for me. I think I’ve been waiting for him since day one. He’s so amazing. And we’ve put each other through a lot of pain in the past but we’ve worked through that. And I think we’re going to make this work. Because I would rather struggle and fight and work through it with Adam then do anything with anyone else. We’ve already wasted so much time fighting it. Were ready for our happy ending now.
Is that what this is? Your happily ever after?
Kris smiles when I ask that question.
Yeah, I guess it is, isn’t it?