Fic: The Tie [14/66]
“You have a boyfriend now,” Adam said to himself in the mirror, “so that means no more fucking around.” He ruffled up the back of his hair and pulled a few strands into place. They’ll just have to learn to deal with it. His eyes creased with worry. But what if it costs me my job? Adam had seen the less than happy look on the face of the club owner last night; the man counted on him to bring in the audience…you mean the men. He was sure that the news that he had taken Kris to the back room three nights in a row had traveled right to the top.
Yes, even if I lose my job. I’m a damn good singer…I can find another one. But was that true? He looked deeply into his own eyes. Maybe I’m only good for sex. Adam knew that this line of thinking was irrational; Alisan, his family, previous employers…all of them had praised his talent and even he knew he was good, but the past year had just seemed to reinforce his secret fear that he had only one special skill to offer the world: a good fuck.
Before he had worked at the club, Adam had jumped from one odd job to another while performing on the side and had fed his sex addiction by picking up guys at random bars and clubs. How did it end up like this? He tried to remember the day he’d realized that he could work and get his fixes at the same place. Goddam owner hinted at it, didn’t he, the fucker knew it was a golden opportunity after he saw me do it the first few times, and how quickly the word spread about me. He sighed and continued to apply his eyeliner. “Stop thinking about this,” he said to his reflection, “it’s not helping.”
Adam was nervous about his date with Kris tonight. It was Monday, so they had planned for a late dinner since Kris had school until 9pm. It seemed ridiculous to be nervous at this point, but Adam knew that in the absence of sex, there would be a lot of talking and it would probably get personal. What’s the big deal? But he knew the answer. Personal questions were dangerous in many ways: it made the other guy more real and it allowed other people to know Adam better, something that had only led to betrayal and pain in the past. Worst of all, it lured Adam’s brain into remembering things that were better left in the past.
He finished up his makeup and added a few sprays of Dior Homme to complete the package, wanting to impress even though he knew that Kris liked him for more than his outer appearance. Why, though? What does he see in me? Mystified, he shook his head and felt blessed that he’d been lucky enough to find a man like Kris. He thought of the tie and the necklace laying hidden in the box under his bed and grinned.
The restaurant was easy enough to find, a small Thai place set on a quiet street where there was always good specials. Adam parked and walked up to the door, smoothing down his shirt over his regular pants and fidgeting with his keys. There he is. Look at him…so gorgeous, sitting there and waiting for me, his boyfriend.
Kris saw him and stood up from the small booth. As Adam walked over, he suddenly wondered how he was supposed to greet Kris in this situation. A hug, a kiss…nothing? Christ, how old are you again? Fortunately, Kris did not seem to have the same problem and he walked right up to Adam and planted a wet kiss on his lips.
“Hi,” Kris said, eyes shining.
Adam beamed at him. “Hi yourself.”
They sat down and stared at each other with dopey grins for a minute, Adam still playing with his keys under the table.
“I brought this for you,” Kris said, pulling a CD out of his coat pocket. "It’s a copy of my demo, and, well…” he trailed off uncertainly.
Adam took it, feeling a mixture of wariness and excitement. Very personal, and he’ll want to know what I think of it…but he’s so talented, that’ll be easy! “Wow thanks! That’s really…I mean I’m sure it’s incredible.”
“I can’t wait to hear what you think of it, especially since your such a gifted artist.”
Adam didn’t know what to say to that, so he picked up his menu and started perusing it. Fuck…why is sex so much easier than simple conversation? He remembered their first “date” at the sushi restaurant, which had started off awkwardly but turned out to be easy when Kris had started talking about himself. Adam decided to try that again after they ordered their food.
“So, uh, what’s it like in Arkansas?” he asked after their server left.
“Hmmm…well the people are sweet where I grew up, but everyone knows you so you don’t have a lot of privacy.” He laughed, “hell, most of my neighbors knew I was gay before I did…of course they never said anything because they were either too shocked or too polite.”
Adam chuckled. He’s so adorable. “Tell me more.”
Kris went on about his hometown and how there was only a gas station to hang out at until they’d moved to Conway. He told a funny story about how his brother had slid down their banister and right out the door as his mom was bringing in groceries. A little later, he talked about his first real boyfriend in high school when things were awkward but sweet.
See? This isn’t so hard.
“…and well, that was the last of the good times for a while.”
“Why?” Adam asked, “What do you mean?”
Kris looked unhappy for the first time this evening. “Let’s just say I’ve had a fair share of heartbreaks over the years.”
“You? No way…why would anyone break your heart? Shit, you’re such a nice guy but you know what you want, and you’re drop dead sexy. A guy would have to be crazy not to want you.”
“I haven’t always known what I wanted, Adam…not until now anyway,” he said, staring hotly into Adam’s eyes.
He couldn’t help himself. “Why?”
Kris’ brow furrowed. “Why what?”
“Why do you want me, Kris?”
Kris smiled, reached over the table and took Adam’s hands in his. “Because you’re like a beautiful, happy child who giggles and a strong sexy man who can drown me with one look. Because you sing like an angel. Because your freckles drive me insane with desire. Because you tied me up and fucked me inside out. Because you shared your blanket with me. Because you’re scared and you’re here anyway...”
Adam felt his eyes grow wider and wider as Kris spoke. Oh my god…oh fuck… He wanted to run away screaming and pounce on Kris at the same time.
Kris pulled at Adam’s hands until their lips were an inch apart. “…Because you make me know what I want.”
Wow… Adam’s breath caught in his throat and he closed the gap between their lips with enough force that he had to grab Kris’ shoulders to keep him from falling away.
“Ahem. Gentlemen…your food,” said the server.
“Damn.” Adam mumbled against Kris’ mouth.
Kris chuckled and pulled away. “Seriously, kissing you is so much better than Pad Thai.”
The man set down their plates and left.
“If this keeps up, I’m going to start bringing a ‘do not disturb’ sign with me when we go out,” Adam complained.
“I dare you to,” Kris laughed, starting in on his food.
“Is that so?” A sly smile played on Adam’s lips. “I’d be careful if I were you…I never back down from a dare.” He waggled his eyebrows.
“Oh yeah?” Kris countered with a wicked smile of his own, “Well then I dare you to kiss me again, with lots of tongue, and say my name loud enough for the table across the room to hear it.”
Oooo, he is so asking for it. Feisty rabbit. “Fine.” Adam got up, went around to the other side of the booth and slid in next to Kris. He lost no time in kissing him fervently but also reached beneath the table and started rubbing Kris’ cock firmly through his khaki pants. Then Adam stopped kissing him and concentrated on making Kris come right here. Kris let out a husky moan; his head fell forward and he closed his eyes.
Adam didn’t care who was watching. He wanted the whole damned restaurant to know that Kris belonged to him. He angled his hand and quickened the pace while stealthily moving his other hand behind Kris’ ass without touching it. Kris was panting now, both hands clenched into fists on the table. Adam waited until he saw Kris’ body begin to seize and then he ran a finger right up the crack of his ass.
“Adam!” Kris shouted with an accompanying loud bang as his knees hit the underside of the table.
All the heads in the restaurant whipped around and looked at them with shocked and amused faces.
Oh…you play…dirty…you sexy…you evil…” Kris managed to say in between hitching breaths.
Adam snickered, pecked him on the cheek and returned to the other side of the booth. “I warned you,” he said smugly and picked up his fork. “Mmmm, I do love eating out.”
Kris glared at him playfully, but the effect was lost because he was squirming around on his seat. “Excuse me while I go clean up the mess my boyfriend made,” he said, and hobbled to the bathroom amid stares and laughs.
I could get used to this.
Kris came back looking more put together. “Somehow I’m gonna figure out how to repay you for that hot little trick,” he said fondly, returning to his meal.
“Can’t wait to see you try,” Adam threw back with equal affection.
Kris chortled and continued eating. “So,” he began after taking a few bites, “we’ve spent the whole night talking about me and getting me all hot and bothered…let’s talk about you.”
Adam groaned inwardly. You knew this would happen…suck it up, Lambert.
“What do you want to know?” he asked Kris hesitantly.
“Anything and everything,” Kris replied seriously, “but let’s start with how you got into singing.”
Shit. To anyone else, this would have been a harmless question, but for Adam, it was fraught with dangerous memories of high school. He would just have to skip over that, force himself to concentrate on the times before all of that happened. “Well I probably came out of my mother’s womb singing,” he said, trying to keep things light. “I was always listening to music, playing dress up and wailing at the top of my lungs as a kid. My parents encouraged me, got me into musical theater and lessons and stuff.” That should be enough.
“Musical theater?”
Fuck, I should have left that part out.
“Yeah,” Adam said causally, “you know, community theater mostly.”
“I bet you were great at it!” Kris exclaimed.
“I was okay…I got some good parts.”
“Don’t be so modest, Adam. With talent like yours, I’m sure you stole the show every time. I bet you even did theater in high school, too. Probably blew their minds. Me? I was just some boring kid playing the viola in the orchestra pit. Adam?”
Don’t think about it…don’t think about it…remember what Sheila always told you and just try to concentrate on something else. Look at that cute guy over there staring at you. He’s got a sexy smile.
“Adam, are you okay?” Kris turned around in the direction Adam was staring and saw a man throw a flirtatious grin at their table. He turned back to Adam and studied him. “Did I say something wrong? You look terrified. Oh shit…I said something, didn’t I?”
You gotta get out of here. Make up some excuse and leave, go home. No! Coward! Pathetic sniveling baby! Be a man…he didn’t mean anything by it…he doesn’t know about that part. “It’s…it’s okay,” he gritted out and breathed into his belly, trying to fight the intense urge to run or go fuck someone, anyone.
Kris looked horrified with himself. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. Whatever it was…”
“Forget it, Kris, can we just get out of here?” FUCK. I fucking hate this! I want to go home but I want to be with Kris. I can’t…shit! This is so confusing…what the fuck am I supposed to do?
“Absolutely.” Kris jumped up and hurried off to take care of the bill. He came back quickly and took Adam’s hand. “Come on.” He led them outside into the fresh air and Adam took some more deep breaths. “Where do you want to go, Adam?”
“Fuck,” he said shakily, “I don’t know…I don’t know.”
“Let’s just walk then for a bit, okay?” Kris said with concern.
Why is he talking to me like that? “I’m not a baby, Kris, I can take care of myself you know!” he snapped.
“I’m just trying to help,” Kris said softly, looking hurt now.
Stop freaking out or he’s going to leave you!! Stop it! He’s just worried about you! And he shouldn’t have to be worried…grow the fuck up already! This shit happened years ago…HANDLE IT, Lambert! Adam squeezed his eyes shut, shook himself, and tried to make his voice calm. “I know you are…okay, fine…let’s walk.”
This is exactly the sort of thing that had happened when Adam had tried to date again after two years of therapy. Plus he’d had regular flashbacks, nightmares and terrible mood swings back then that most guys just couldn’t handle, and Adam hadn’t cared enough to try to work things out with them. Running and fucking…always running and fucking.
They walked in silence until Adam felt calm enough to take Kris’s hand. He smiled sheepishly at Kris. “I’m sorry.”
Kris stopped them on a street corner. “Look, I know this isn’t going to be a piece of cake for either of us, Adam, but I’m in it for the long haul now and…I know in my heart that you’re worth it. Just don’t run out on me, okay?”
He’s a fucking saint. You don’t even deserve a guy like him. “Okay.” Now you give him something. That’s how it works, right? “Kris…I really want you to come to my apartment and I’m almost there…I just need a little more time.”
“Thank you, Adam. I really needed to hear that,” Kris said, smiling happily.
They stood on the corner and kissed for a while, arms wrapped tightly around each other. The autumn wind started to pick up and they pressed their bodies closer.
Adam felt the warmth of Kris against him and thought about how much he loved this time of year. “Hey!” he said suddenly with excitement, “I just remembered that this weekend is Halloween!”
“Yeah? What, you want to go trick or treating?” Kris teased.
Adam laughed. “No silly, but it’s my absolute favorite holiday…I love dressing up!” Okay, now this is a huge step. Think carefully…you’ve only been together a month, are you sure you’re ready for this? Yes. Plus it will be worth it to see the look on their faces. “So, every year my family has this huge blow out costume party and it’s a riot and then me and my brother go club hopping and…do you wanna come? I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to and I know it’s really soon and all to meet my family and…”
“You’re babbling, gorgeous,” Kris said, putting a finger to Adam’s lips, “and I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he continued, and replaced his finger with his mouth.
Chapter 15 Part 1