Fic: The Tie [20/66]
Title: The Tie [20/66]
Pairing: Kris/Adam [AU]
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~4,600
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I own nothing. None of this happened.
Warnings: This story involves character struggle with trauma and PTSD and may contain material that is triggering or upsetting to readers. Graphic sex in nearly every chapter. Language. Further warnings will be posted in the appropriate chapters.
Summary: Adam is a local singer with a troubled past and Kris, a department store clerk struggling to change his over compliant and passive ways. When the two meet by chance in the most unlikely of places, neither could have known how much they would end up needing the other. Set in Los Angeles in the year 2009-10.
A/N: So, you all knew this was coming, but try not to worry too much! Also, I never write drama for the sake of drama. I promise that everything that happens in this fic happens for a reason and adds to the growth and development of the characters :) Thank you as always for the comments and feedback! I swear I'm gonna have a permanent blush going soon. <333333333
PREVIOUS CHAPTERS HERE
“That was incredible,” Kris said as he finished off the omelet and patted his stomach appreciatively, “and way better than cereal. Thank you.”
Adam smiled, kissed him on the top of the head and picked up their plates from the table. How weird is it that I like to take care of him? But no one who really knew Adam would have found this odd in the slightest; he had displayed a kind and giving nature since he was a small boy. The present day Adam, however, was used to men doing whatever he wanted and trying their hardest to please him. Everything is different with Kris. Adam didn’t feel scared or vulnerable for wanting to make him happy. So weird. It was similar to a feeling he’d had a long, long time ago about… CRASH! The plates fell to the floor and he stood stock-still in the middle of the kitchen.
“Adam! Are you okay?” Kris jumped up from the table and rushed to his side.
“I’m fine…fine, Kris…” Adam shook himself, bent down and started picking up the larger of the broken pieces. What the fuck? Where did that come from?
“Are you sure? You look pale and shaky.”
Adam saw Kris’ worried face and felt ashamed for his moment of weakness. “It’s nothing, really, my hand just slipped.” But lying to Kris made Adam’s stomach turn. It’s about trust, Lambert. He sighed heavily. “Actually…I remembered something, like that time we were at the Thai restaurant.”
Kris’ brows creased in concern, but all he did was kiss Adam on the cheek and start to help clean up. Adam felt relieved at Kris’ restraint in not asking about his memory. Probably knows I wouldn’t want to talk about it. Damn, he’s so amazing.
“Do you have a broom somewhere?” Kris asked, looking around the kitchen, “there might be some little pieces on the--”
“I love you,” Adam said cutting him off, and then embraced him in a passionate kiss.
Kris looked a little dazed after Adam released him. “I love you, too, my sexy beast.”
“A beast, am I?” Adam smirked. “Only because I’m so hungry for you, my little rabbit…I just can’t seem to get enough of you.”
“I am so not complaining, and the feeling is mutual. I’ll be your prey anytime.”
“Mmmmm, come here.”
They were just about to have sex amidst the remnants of brunch when they heard a loud knock at the door. “Fuck…whoever that is just made my shit list,” Adam said with annoyance. He pulled up his pajama pants and Kris hopped off of the table and grabbed the sweatpants he’d been wearing a minute ago. It’s probably Neil. Ali knew not to bother me today. But to Adam’s surprise, it was indeed a very nervous looking Alisan on the other side of the door.
“Ali, you know how much I love you, but you just interrupted what was about to be kitchen table sex with a man who is wearing my clothes this morning. That’s a serious offense, but if you leave now, I might still be able to--”
“Sweetie, you know I would never have come here today under normal circumstances, but I really need to talk to you.”
That’s true, she never would have, and why does she look so worried? “Are you okay? Did something happen?” he asked, suddenly concerned.
“Can I come in? I know Kris is here, but this can’t wait, puppy.”
Adam let her in. “What’s wrong? You’re making me really nervous, Ali.”
“Who is it, Adam? Oh, hi Ali!” Kris said brightly as he came in from the kitchen. He looked at their worried faces and his smile faded.
“Why don’t we all sit down?” Alisan suggested. “Actually, I think it’s really good that Kris is here, too.”
Adam did not like this, not one bit. Whatever Ali had to say was serious shit, he was certain of it. He took Kris by the hand and they sat on the couch together. Alisan sat on an oversized chair opposite them. “I take it that you didn’t catch the evening news last night.”
“Why on earth would I watch the news when I have this gorgeous boy to play with?” He squeezed Kris’ hand and threw him the a little smile. Kris grinned and wiggled closer to him.
“Adam…honey, Sam escaped from prison yesterday.”
Adam felt nothing, thought nothing, and said nothing. He just sat on the couch and stared blankly at Alisan.
“What’s going on? Who’s Sam? Adam…Adam?” Kris asked, frowning as he tried to get a response from Adam. He reached over and touched him on the shoulder. Adam jumped up, looked around wildly and ran from the room.
“Adam!” Kris called after him.
But he ignored Kris and bolted into the bathroom. He slammed the door and locked it. No. No. This can’t be happening. This can’t…no. Not again! NO. Panic flooded him and he gripped his hair painfully as he began to pace. He tried to fight them, the memories that were just beyond his consciousness, the images and sounds that threatened to render him helpless. Someone knocked on the door.
“Adam, please come out so we can help you.”
Ali. Kris is out there, too. I can’t let him see me like this…weak, afraid…afraid… the fuzzy pictures were starting to get clearer, the voices louder. NO! I can fight them…I can…I’m strong…no, I’m weak, pathetic, a freak…they were right about me all along. And with that thought, the memories crashed down and he began to re-experience it all over again. “STOP PLEASE…NOOOOOO!” he cried at the top of his lungs as he fell to the floor kicking and thrashing.
“Adam! Adam!” Kris and Ali were banging on the door now, but Adam didn’t hear them. He was seventeen again, fighting for his life as they raped him and beat him unconscious. “HELP ME PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!!” Over and over the scene repeated itself in Adam’s mind, the worst flashback he’d had in two years.
Suddenly the bathroom door crashed open, splintering the frame. Kris flew in and dropped to Adam’s side. Alisan was right behind him. “Gently, Kris, gently.” They did their best to cradle Adam in between them as his limbs whipped around. Alisan leaned over and spoke right into Adam’s ear. “Adam. It’s Ali…you’re safe. Kris is here, too. You’re safe, Adam. You’re in your apartment with us…it’s not real, it’s not real.” She peered at Kris. “Talk to him, but don’t touch him.”
Kris looked terrified but did as he was told. He brought his mouth to Adam’s other ear. “Adam, come back to me, baby, my love, come back. You’re safe…I’m not going to let anything happen to you. I love you. It’s not real. I love you. I love you.”
Abruptly Adam stopped flailing and froze. He opened his eyes and saw Alisan and Kris hovering over him. I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay. Oh my god, I’m not okay. Sam… “Sam,” he said in a scared voice.
“He’s not here, puppy. It’s me and Kris and you’re safe.”
Adam sat up and looked at them, feeling caught in a whirlwind of emotion. He was petrified of Sam coming after him again, ashamed that he’d not been strong enough to hold off the flashback and that Kris was seeing him so weak, so terrified. But then he remembered Kris’ words in his ear. He loves me. Why, Adam had no idea. I’m a damaged freak, and Sam is going to come find me and…
“Adam, my love,” Kris said with tears sparkling in his eyes, “you’re safe. Whoever this Sam is, we’re not going to let him hurt you.”
Adam wanted to believe Kris, but Sam had proven that he was determined. He had managed to break into Adam’s apartment two years ago in the dead of night armed with a shotgun. The only reason Adam was still alive is because he had been at Ali’s that night. He had suffered so badly after finding out that he’d ended up in a psychiatric hospital after threatening suicide when the flashbacks wouldn’t stop.
“W-where is he?”
“We don’t know, honey. The police are looking for him.”
“He could be anywhere! He could be on his way here right now! Ali!” Adam yelled and began to tremble violently. He’s going to kill me.
“Adam, he’s too busy running from the cops right now. There’s an enormous search party after him and they’re going to catch him and put him back in jail where he belongs.”
“If you think that, then why did you even tell me!” he cried.
“Because, I didn’t want you to find out when you were alone…I know how closely you usually watch the news.” It was true. Even when he had to work, he always caught up later with what was happening in the world around him because having information helped him feel in control.
Kris glanced at Alisan, who nodded, and then he put his arms around Adam, holding him tight and rocking him back and forth gently. “Shhhh, baby, it’s okay…it’s okay.”
Adam was torn; he was desperate for Kris’ comfort but felt mortified for needing it. He loves me…he doesn’t think I’m a damaged freak and…and he’s not going to hurt me. He had just realized why he’d dropped the plates earlier. He hadn’t been in love with Sam, but it had been close. He’d allowed himself to trust, to care deeply, and Sam had betrayed him and led him to torture and almost death. He didn’t just lead me, he participated.
All of a sudden, Adam needed to have Kris, right then. “I need you.” The urge was strong and undeniable, and he knew that the fear and shame would disappear with sex, with control. The more intense those feelings were, the more his need to feel powerful.
“I’m right here, baby, I’m not going anywhere,” Kris said soothingly.
“No. I want you. Now. In my bed.”
Kris was obviously confused. “Now? But…” Then his face cleared as if he had just understood something. “Oh…okay,” he said, nodding.
Alisan sighed. “Better you than some random stranger,” she said to Kris. “I’ll go, but Adam, I’m calling your parents and I’m coming back in two hours, you hear me? Also, I want you to contact Sheila as soon as you two are done.”
“Fine, fine…” Adam agreed because it was the quickest way to get her to leave and the necessity for dominating sex was becoming unbearable now, like a burning itch in his veins. He got up and followed her to the living room, hugged her briefly and then locked the door behind her. Kris was already in the bedroom, sitting quietly on the edge of the bed.
At the sight of him, Adam felt the itch grow intolerable. “It might get a little rough…” he said through gritted teeth.
“It’s okay, my love, I’m ready and willing,” Kris said, smiling softly.
Adam growled and launched himself at Kris, throwing him down to the bed and tearing at his clothes. Must have him…I’ve got to have him now. Once Kris was naked, Adam started to bite him, to mark him on his neck, shoulders, and chest. Kris moaned and shuddered. “Yes, Adam, bite me…claim me.” He’s mine…mine. He sank his teeth hard into Kris’ neck and Kris cried out in a mix of pain and pleasure. Yessss. Adam got up, stripped off his clothes and went to his drawer to get supplies.
When he turned back to the bed, he saw Kris lying there, naked, with angry red marks all over his upper body and it jolted something in his brain. In the past, he’d never cared about the men he’d conquered, but Kris…I love him. Suddenly Adam was furious at the people who had tortured him and caused him to develop this need to dominate, to control men. He didn’t want that with Kris, and he was livid that the memory of them, of Sam, was fucking with his relationship with the man he loved.
“What’s the matter?” Kris asked, looking up from the bed.
Adam was paralyzed with indecision. “I…I can’t do this to you.” But I need it.
“It’s okay though, I want you…I don’t mind if you’re rough, in case you hadn’t noticed,” he said with a smirk.
“No, it’s not that…it’s…” FUCK. The horrible feelings continued to pulse throughout his being and he didn’t know how else to get rid of them, but even if Kris was willing, he didn’t want to use him like that. “FUCK! Fucking fuck!!” he yelled at the ground.
Kris stared at him in bewilderment, but Adam didn’t know how to help him with that at the moment. He picked up the nearest thing to him, a bottle of nail polish on the dresser, and threw it with all his might at the wall. Hey, that felt good. He did it again, only this time it was a small lamp that flew across the room and smashed satisfyingly onto the floor. He felt the fear and shame abate as rage took over. “GODDAM MOTHER FUCKERS!” He screamed and flung a hairbrush at the window, shattering it to pieces. “HOW DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU FUCKING DO THAT TO ME?”
Kris gasped as the glass flew everywhere. Adam turned sharply towards the sound, heart racing with adrenaline, and saw Kris’ shocked face. All at once, his dream came back to haunt him: ‘“I can’t be with you, Adam; you’re just a damaged freak. Good-bye!” “Nooooo! Come back, angel…don’t leave meeee!!! Anggeellllll!!!”’
“NOOO!” Adam wailed, and fell to the floor, naked and weeping.
Kris leapt from the bed and ran to him. “Adam! Oh my sweet Adam!” He gathered him up in his arms and clutched him tightly, kissing his head and rocking him.
“I ruined everything!” Adam cried. “I hate them! I hate them!”
“Come on, my love, come with me.” Kris hauled Adam to his feet and led him to the bed, where he collapsed and continued to bawl loudly. What have I done? He’s going to leave me! Kris drew the blankets over them and spooned around Adam, covering as much of his body as he could with his own. He started to hum a soft tune as he stroked Adam’s head, face and arms.
“D-don’t leave me…p-please d-don’t leave me,” Adam choked out through his sobs.
“Oh baby, I’m not going to leave you, my love…sshhhhhh, there now, I’m not going anywhere…I love you, remember? I love you, I love you,” he said and continued to hum softly.
He still loves me? “Y-you do?”
“Yes, my love, I do. I love you. It’s going to be alright.”
“I’m s-scared, angel,” Adam whimpered as his cries began to lessen.
“I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, baby. Didn’t you see how I kicked down your door? Angel is going to protect you, my love. Sam, whoever he is, he’ll have to get through me first.”
“He…” Adam gave a huge sniff and wiped his nose with the bed sheet. I’m safe. I trust him. I love him and he still loves me. “He was my boyfriend. He…hurt me.” Adam began to cry in earnest again.
Kris squeezed Adam even harder. “Baby, my sweet, sweet Adam, no one is ever going to hurt you like that again, not if I can help it.”
I don’t deserve him…I’m not worth this kind of goodness. He wept until he had no tears left and then lay there quietly, listening to Kris hum a soothing melody until he finally fell asleep.
The first thing he noticed when he awoke an hour later was that he was alone in his bed. “Angel!” he yelped loudly. He left me oh my god he left me no no noooooooo! But then there were hurried footsteps in the hall and Kris appeared in the doorway.
“Hey, gorgeous.” Kris walked over to the bed and sat on it. He had changed back into his clothes from yesterday.
Adam tried to calm his breathing. “You’re still here,” he whispered.
“Of course I am, baby, I told you I wasn’t going anywhere. I was just in the living room talking to Ali.” He reached out and ran his hand down Adam’s cheek.
Now that he was awake and reassured, Adam remembered that Sam was still on the loose and was out to get him. He tensed and looked around the room as if he expected to see him there, but all he saw was that someone had taped up the broken window while he was asleep. “I’m sorry about that…about getting mad like that,” he said quietly.
“Don’t you dare apologize, Adam. You have every right to be angry.”
Adam looked up at him in amazement. “How do you always know the right things to say?”
Kris shrugged. “I love you.”
“I don’t deserve you,” Adam mumbled.
“What? What are you talking about? Of course you deserve me!”
Adam sat up and shook his head. “No, I don’t…I don’t know why you love me…I’m…not worthy of it. I’m just a damaged--”
“Stop this right now,” Kris said firmly. He shifted so that they were facing each other. “I love you because you are an incredible person. You’re funny and silly and childlike, you’re smart and talented, you have a kind and generous heart, and you’re the best lover I’ve ever had.”
“That can’t all be true…you’re just saying that to make me feel better.”
Kris put his hands on Adam’s shoulders and gazed into his eyes. “Do you honestly believe that I’d lie to you like that? Do you think that I can’t tell a beautiful person when I see one?”
Adam smiled weakly. “You forgot sexy.”
“Sexy doesn’t even begin to cover it, baby,” Kris chuckled. “You are the most gorgeous man I’ve ever laid eyes on. I love everything about you, down to the very last freckle.”
“I hate them.”
“I love them. They’re you, and I love you.”
Adam stared into Kris’ eyes and saw nothing but love and devotion there. Wow. “Well, I might be convinced if you kiss me right now,” Adam said as he leaned in to Kris. They wrapped their arms around each other and sighed before kissing deeply.
WHAM! Adam’s body gave an enormous start and then he clung to Kris, wide-eyed and afraid. “W-what was that?”
“Shhhhh,” Kris said, “It was just the front door. Ali ran out for a minute…that must have been her coming back in. She said she had a key. Shhhh…it’s okay, my love.”
It’s not okay! His heart pounded against his ribcage. Fuck! I fucking hate this! Such a cowardly baby. “I can’t stand this, Kris. I hate being scared…I need to do something, anything.” I want sex, I want to break something…
“Why don’t you get up and get dressed, and then you can call your therapist. I’m sure she’ll know how to help. Plus, you’re mom is coming over soon.”
“My mom?” He tried not to feel embarrassed at the fuss they were all making; he knew he needed their support and he didn’t want to end up in the hospital again.
Kris nodded. “She should be here in about a half an hour.”
“Okay, I’ll be out in a minute.” He kissed Kris’ palm and held it to his face for a moment. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, baby.” Kris pecked him on the forehead and left.
Okay…okay, I can handle this. I’m surrounded by people who love me. I can do this. He got up and walked to his closet to find some clothes. I need to wear them…I need to. His hand hesitated only briefly before he snatched up a pair of sex pants. As he fastened the numerous hooks, he felt a little less afraid. Ten minutes later he stepped out of the bathroom completely dressed with his hair and makeup done perfectly.
“I went downstairs and told them you were sick and couldn’t perform tonight,” said Alisan when she saw his outfit.
Fuck, I totally forgot about work. Wouldn’t have gone anyway…what if he was there, waiting for me. Adam shivered and went to sit next to Kris on the couch. “Thanks, yeah…I just needed to, you know, feel normal.” Like wearing pants with hidden hooks is normal, Lambert. He told that voice to shut up and took a deep breath. “What’s the news…tell me, please, I have to know. Did they find him yet?”
Kris and Alisan exchanged worried glances. “No, puppy, they didn’t. But they will, I know they will.”
Adam tried desperately to push down the fear he felt at hearing this. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t feel safe here…Sam got in to my last apartment, he can get into this one…but he was terrified to go anywhere else. “What am I going to do?” he said in a hushed voice.
Kris put an arm around him. “You’re going to call your therapist and I’m going to call the police.”
“But what can they do?”
“Ali told me how Sam broke in before, so we’ll tell the police that you think he’s after you again and they can help protect you.”
“They can?”
“Yep. My dad is a volunteer for the sheriff’s department back home, and he’s been on safety patrols before for people who felt like their life was in danger.”
Well that’s better than nothing. “I…thank you, both of you, for helping me like this.”
“Sweetie, you know there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you,” said Alisan.
Adam got up and hugged her. She squeezed him tight and then handed him the phone. “Call Sheila.”
He had to leave a message on Sheila’s voicemail and then he paced around his apartment, muttering to himself while he waited for her to call back. “It’s going to be okay. The police will help…he’s not going to get me. It’s okay to need help…it doesn’t mean I’m weak. Kris loves me and he’s not going to leave me. It’s going to be okay.” Over and over he repeated these phrases in an attempt to soothe himself while Kris was busy talking to the police on the phone and Alisan had run out to get them dinner.
“Adam, they’re sending someone over to talk to you, but they can’t get here until a little later tonight,” said Kris after he had hung up.
Just then Ali returned. “Hey, look who I found!” she said, smiling.
Adam stopped pacing and looked up to see his mom with her arms stretched wide. Oh thank god she’s here. “Mom,” he said, starting to choke up again as he walked to her.
“My sweet child,” Leila said. She put her arms around him and hugged him tight. He breathed a sigh of relief and clung to her without shame. “Everything is going to be okay, baby. We’re all here to help you. We all love you.”
Adam sniffed and pulled back. “Thanks, mom.”
“Any time, sweetie. Now, Ali brought Chinese so I suggest we all eat and try to relax a little…okay?”
Adam nodded.
“Kris, dear, it’s lovely to see you again. I can’t tell you how happy I am that you are here.”
“Yes ma’am,” Kris shook his head, “I mean, Leila.”
Leila chuckled and gave him a hug. They sat around Adam’s coffee table and ate, trying to talk about anything but Sam. Adam looked around the table and smiled fondly at them. They all love me. It’s going to be okay.
“So Ali,” Kris began, “why do you call Adam ‘puppy’?”
Alisan giggled. “You should have seen how cute he was, Kris. There was this adorable boy, Jacob, that Adam was crazy about in middle school.”
Adam rolled his eyes. “Oh my god, you are not telling him this story.”
“Awww…please?” begged Kris.
Damn, he is too cute with those eyes and that pouty lip.
“Fine.” Adam waved a hand at Ali and she continued.
“So they sat next to each other in Math class, right, and I sat behind them and I just knew that Jacob liked Adam, too. I always caught them staring at each other when the other wasn’t looking. But, Adam here, being the stubborn boy that he is, didn’t believe me. He whined at me for ages, just like a puppy, all sad because he thought Jacob didn’t like him.”
Leila and Kris chuckled and Kris rested his chin in his hands.
Adam wasn’t really listening to the story. He just stared at Kris. How is he so gorgeous?
“So one day, I got fed up with his whining and I stole his notebook, the one where he had written AL + JP on the front and drawn a heart around it. I walked into class the next day and plopped it right down on Jacob’s desk.”
“No, you didn’t!” Kris laughed.
“She did!” chortled Leila.
“Oh my god you should have seen Adam’s face when he saw Jacob staring at his notebook! And then, you won’t believe it, but after class was over and everyone else was gone, Jacob got up and kissed Adam on the cheek and then ran out of the room!”
“Awwwwww!” Kris cooed and beamed at Adam.
I love the way his smile gets all crooked like that. Mmmmm, those lips.
“And then I had to listen to him whine some more because his mom thought he was too young to date.”
“Well, he was!” Leila chimed in.
“So yeah, Kris…puppy, for real,” Alisan finished and winked at Adam. “You know you love me, sweetie.”
Adam huffed. “Okay, okay…if you’re done embarrassing me now…” He pushed away his empty plate and stood up. “Kris?”
“Yeah, baby?” Kris replied, still smiling.
“I have something to show you in the bedroom.”
Kris jumped to his feet with such enthusiasm that he almost knocked over his glass. Adam grabbed his hand and looked at his mom and Alisan. “Be right back,” he said and winked at them. “You might want to turn on some loud music.”
The two women laughed and got up. “I think we’ll go downstairs to the club for a while,” said Leila, “we’ll be back later.”
“In that case…I think we should pick up were we left off this afternoon.”
Alisan smirked and she left with Leila.
As soon as Adam got Kris into the kitchen he started to kiss him fervently. “So sexy, so cute…” he said into Kris’ mouth and then licked all around those full lips.
“Uuunnnngggghhhh,” Kris moaned and lifted up his shirt.
Adam helped him get it off and pulled his own over his head. “So beautiful, my angel,” Adam whispered, running his hands up and down Kris’ naked back. He took a nipple into his mouth and sucked it, then worked his tongue in circles around it until it was a hard nub.
“Mmmm…Adam…baby…”
Adam growled and bit Kris’ nipple lightly before moving on to the other one. When that one was hard, too, he stopped and went back Kris’ mouth. They dipped in and out with their tongues and began to grind against each other. “These pants…are in the way, rabbit,” he said huskily. He popped the button on Kris’ jeans, unzipped them and slid them down far enough to shove his hands in and massage Kris’ ass.
Kris mouthed Adam’s chest and pressed his tongue firmly into the flesh, kneading it again and again.
“Ohhhh….” Adam squeezed his eyes shut in pleasure. “Get up there, angel.”
Kris wiggled his pants down some more and hopped up onto the kitchen table.
But they were denied this experience for the second time that day. A series of loud gunshots suddenly rang out from the street below and a woman screamed shrilly into the night. Every muscle in Adam’s body seized, and then he fainted and fell onto the kitchen floor.
Sometime later, he didn't know how long, he opened his eyes to glaring florescent lights overhead. He put a hand up to shield his face. "Where am I? What happened? Angel?"
"Right here, baby. You're in the hospital for observation. Everything is going to be alright."
Chapter 21
Pairing: Kris/Adam [AU]
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~4,600
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I own nothing. None of this happened.
Warnings: This story involves character struggle with trauma and PTSD and may contain material that is triggering or upsetting to readers. Graphic sex in nearly every chapter. Language. Further warnings will be posted in the appropriate chapters.
Summary: Adam is a local singer with a troubled past and Kris, a department store clerk struggling to change his over compliant and passive ways. When the two meet by chance in the most unlikely of places, neither could have known how much they would end up needing the other. Set in Los Angeles in the year 2009-10.
A/N: So, you all knew this was coming, but try not to worry too much! Also, I never write drama for the sake of drama. I promise that everything that happens in this fic happens for a reason and adds to the growth and development of the characters :) Thank you as always for the comments and feedback! I swear I'm gonna have a permanent blush going soon. <333333333
PREVIOUS CHAPTERS HERE
“That was incredible,” Kris said as he finished off the omelet and patted his stomach appreciatively, “and way better than cereal. Thank you.”
Adam smiled, kissed him on the top of the head and picked up their plates from the table. How weird is it that I like to take care of him? But no one who really knew Adam would have found this odd in the slightest; he had displayed a kind and giving nature since he was a small boy. The present day Adam, however, was used to men doing whatever he wanted and trying their hardest to please him. Everything is different with Kris. Adam didn’t feel scared or vulnerable for wanting to make him happy. So weird. It was similar to a feeling he’d had a long, long time ago about… CRASH! The plates fell to the floor and he stood stock-still in the middle of the kitchen.
“Adam! Are you okay?” Kris jumped up from the table and rushed to his side.
“I’m fine…fine, Kris…” Adam shook himself, bent down and started picking up the larger of the broken pieces. What the fuck? Where did that come from?
“Are you sure? You look pale and shaky.”
Adam saw Kris’ worried face and felt ashamed for his moment of weakness. “It’s nothing, really, my hand just slipped.” But lying to Kris made Adam’s stomach turn. It’s about trust, Lambert. He sighed heavily. “Actually…I remembered something, like that time we were at the Thai restaurant.”
Kris’ brows creased in concern, but all he did was kiss Adam on the cheek and start to help clean up. Adam felt relieved at Kris’ restraint in not asking about his memory. Probably knows I wouldn’t want to talk about it. Damn, he’s so amazing.
“Do you have a broom somewhere?” Kris asked, looking around the kitchen, “there might be some little pieces on the--”
“I love you,” Adam said cutting him off, and then embraced him in a passionate kiss.
Kris looked a little dazed after Adam released him. “I love you, too, my sexy beast.”
“A beast, am I?” Adam smirked. “Only because I’m so hungry for you, my little rabbit…I just can’t seem to get enough of you.”
“I am so not complaining, and the feeling is mutual. I’ll be your prey anytime.”
“Mmmmm, come here.”
They were just about to have sex amidst the remnants of brunch when they heard a loud knock at the door. “Fuck…whoever that is just made my shit list,” Adam said with annoyance. He pulled up his pajama pants and Kris hopped off of the table and grabbed the sweatpants he’d been wearing a minute ago. It’s probably Neil. Ali knew not to bother me today. But to Adam’s surprise, it was indeed a very nervous looking Alisan on the other side of the door.
“Ali, you know how much I love you, but you just interrupted what was about to be kitchen table sex with a man who is wearing my clothes this morning. That’s a serious offense, but if you leave now, I might still be able to--”
“Sweetie, you know I would never have come here today under normal circumstances, but I really need to talk to you.”
That’s true, she never would have, and why does she look so worried? “Are you okay? Did something happen?” he asked, suddenly concerned.
“Can I come in? I know Kris is here, but this can’t wait, puppy.”
Adam let her in. “What’s wrong? You’re making me really nervous, Ali.”
“Who is it, Adam? Oh, hi Ali!” Kris said brightly as he came in from the kitchen. He looked at their worried faces and his smile faded.
“Why don’t we all sit down?” Alisan suggested. “Actually, I think it’s really good that Kris is here, too.”
Adam did not like this, not one bit. Whatever Ali had to say was serious shit, he was certain of it. He took Kris by the hand and they sat on the couch together. Alisan sat on an oversized chair opposite them. “I take it that you didn’t catch the evening news last night.”
“Why on earth would I watch the news when I have this gorgeous boy to play with?” He squeezed Kris’ hand and threw him the a little smile. Kris grinned and wiggled closer to him.
“Adam…honey, Sam escaped from prison yesterday.”
Adam felt nothing, thought nothing, and said nothing. He just sat on the couch and stared blankly at Alisan.
“What’s going on? Who’s Sam? Adam…Adam?” Kris asked, frowning as he tried to get a response from Adam. He reached over and touched him on the shoulder. Adam jumped up, looked around wildly and ran from the room.
“Adam!” Kris called after him.
But he ignored Kris and bolted into the bathroom. He slammed the door and locked it. No. No. This can’t be happening. This can’t…no. Not again! NO. Panic flooded him and he gripped his hair painfully as he began to pace. He tried to fight them, the memories that were just beyond his consciousness, the images and sounds that threatened to render him helpless. Someone knocked on the door.
“Adam, please come out so we can help you.”
Ali. Kris is out there, too. I can’t let him see me like this…weak, afraid…afraid… the fuzzy pictures were starting to get clearer, the voices louder. NO! I can fight them…I can…I’m strong…no, I’m weak, pathetic, a freak…they were right about me all along. And with that thought, the memories crashed down and he began to re-experience it all over again. “STOP PLEASE…NOOOOOO!” he cried at the top of his lungs as he fell to the floor kicking and thrashing.
“Adam! Adam!” Kris and Ali were banging on the door now, but Adam didn’t hear them. He was seventeen again, fighting for his life as they raped him and beat him unconscious. “HELP ME PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!!” Over and over the scene repeated itself in Adam’s mind, the worst flashback he’d had in two years.
Suddenly the bathroom door crashed open, splintering the frame. Kris flew in and dropped to Adam’s side. Alisan was right behind him. “Gently, Kris, gently.” They did their best to cradle Adam in between them as his limbs whipped around. Alisan leaned over and spoke right into Adam’s ear. “Adam. It’s Ali…you’re safe. Kris is here, too. You’re safe, Adam. You’re in your apartment with us…it’s not real, it’s not real.” She peered at Kris. “Talk to him, but don’t touch him.”
Kris looked terrified but did as he was told. He brought his mouth to Adam’s other ear. “Adam, come back to me, baby, my love, come back. You’re safe…I’m not going to let anything happen to you. I love you. It’s not real. I love you. I love you.”
Abruptly Adam stopped flailing and froze. He opened his eyes and saw Alisan and Kris hovering over him. I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay. Oh my god, I’m not okay. Sam… “Sam,” he said in a scared voice.
“He’s not here, puppy. It’s me and Kris and you’re safe.”
Adam sat up and looked at them, feeling caught in a whirlwind of emotion. He was petrified of Sam coming after him again, ashamed that he’d not been strong enough to hold off the flashback and that Kris was seeing him so weak, so terrified. But then he remembered Kris’ words in his ear. He loves me. Why, Adam had no idea. I’m a damaged freak, and Sam is going to come find me and…
“Adam, my love,” Kris said with tears sparkling in his eyes, “you’re safe. Whoever this Sam is, we’re not going to let him hurt you.”
Adam wanted to believe Kris, but Sam had proven that he was determined. He had managed to break into Adam’s apartment two years ago in the dead of night armed with a shotgun. The only reason Adam was still alive is because he had been at Ali’s that night. He had suffered so badly after finding out that he’d ended up in a psychiatric hospital after threatening suicide when the flashbacks wouldn’t stop.
“W-where is he?”
“We don’t know, honey. The police are looking for him.”
“He could be anywhere! He could be on his way here right now! Ali!” Adam yelled and began to tremble violently. He’s going to kill me.
“Adam, he’s too busy running from the cops right now. There’s an enormous search party after him and they’re going to catch him and put him back in jail where he belongs.”
“If you think that, then why did you even tell me!” he cried.
“Because, I didn’t want you to find out when you were alone…I know how closely you usually watch the news.” It was true. Even when he had to work, he always caught up later with what was happening in the world around him because having information helped him feel in control.
Kris glanced at Alisan, who nodded, and then he put his arms around Adam, holding him tight and rocking him back and forth gently. “Shhhh, baby, it’s okay…it’s okay.”
Adam was torn; he was desperate for Kris’ comfort but felt mortified for needing it. He loves me…he doesn’t think I’m a damaged freak and…and he’s not going to hurt me. He had just realized why he’d dropped the plates earlier. He hadn’t been in love with Sam, but it had been close. He’d allowed himself to trust, to care deeply, and Sam had betrayed him and led him to torture and almost death. He didn’t just lead me, he participated.
All of a sudden, Adam needed to have Kris, right then. “I need you.” The urge was strong and undeniable, and he knew that the fear and shame would disappear with sex, with control. The more intense those feelings were, the more his need to feel powerful.
“I’m right here, baby, I’m not going anywhere,” Kris said soothingly.
“No. I want you. Now. In my bed.”
Kris was obviously confused. “Now? But…” Then his face cleared as if he had just understood something. “Oh…okay,” he said, nodding.
Alisan sighed. “Better you than some random stranger,” she said to Kris. “I’ll go, but Adam, I’m calling your parents and I’m coming back in two hours, you hear me? Also, I want you to contact Sheila as soon as you two are done.”
“Fine, fine…” Adam agreed because it was the quickest way to get her to leave and the necessity for dominating sex was becoming unbearable now, like a burning itch in his veins. He got up and followed her to the living room, hugged her briefly and then locked the door behind her. Kris was already in the bedroom, sitting quietly on the edge of the bed.
At the sight of him, Adam felt the itch grow intolerable. “It might get a little rough…” he said through gritted teeth.
“It’s okay, my love, I’m ready and willing,” Kris said, smiling softly.
Adam growled and launched himself at Kris, throwing him down to the bed and tearing at his clothes. Must have him…I’ve got to have him now. Once Kris was naked, Adam started to bite him, to mark him on his neck, shoulders, and chest. Kris moaned and shuddered. “Yes, Adam, bite me…claim me.” He’s mine…mine. He sank his teeth hard into Kris’ neck and Kris cried out in a mix of pain and pleasure. Yessss. Adam got up, stripped off his clothes and went to his drawer to get supplies.
When he turned back to the bed, he saw Kris lying there, naked, with angry red marks all over his upper body and it jolted something in his brain. In the past, he’d never cared about the men he’d conquered, but Kris…I love him. Suddenly Adam was furious at the people who had tortured him and caused him to develop this need to dominate, to control men. He didn’t want that with Kris, and he was livid that the memory of them, of Sam, was fucking with his relationship with the man he loved.
“What’s the matter?” Kris asked, looking up from the bed.
Adam was paralyzed with indecision. “I…I can’t do this to you.” But I need it.
“It’s okay though, I want you…I don’t mind if you’re rough, in case you hadn’t noticed,” he said with a smirk.
“No, it’s not that…it’s…” FUCK. The horrible feelings continued to pulse throughout his being and he didn’t know how else to get rid of them, but even if Kris was willing, he didn’t want to use him like that. “FUCK! Fucking fuck!!” he yelled at the ground.
Kris stared at him in bewilderment, but Adam didn’t know how to help him with that at the moment. He picked up the nearest thing to him, a bottle of nail polish on the dresser, and threw it with all his might at the wall. Hey, that felt good. He did it again, only this time it was a small lamp that flew across the room and smashed satisfyingly onto the floor. He felt the fear and shame abate as rage took over. “GODDAM MOTHER FUCKERS!” He screamed and flung a hairbrush at the window, shattering it to pieces. “HOW DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU FUCKING DO THAT TO ME?”
Kris gasped as the glass flew everywhere. Adam turned sharply towards the sound, heart racing with adrenaline, and saw Kris’ shocked face. All at once, his dream came back to haunt him: ‘“I can’t be with you, Adam; you’re just a damaged freak. Good-bye!” “Nooooo! Come back, angel…don’t leave meeee!!! Anggeellllll!!!”’
“NOOO!” Adam wailed, and fell to the floor, naked and weeping.
Kris leapt from the bed and ran to him. “Adam! Oh my sweet Adam!” He gathered him up in his arms and clutched him tightly, kissing his head and rocking him.
“I ruined everything!” Adam cried. “I hate them! I hate them!”
“Come on, my love, come with me.” Kris hauled Adam to his feet and led him to the bed, where he collapsed and continued to bawl loudly. What have I done? He’s going to leave me! Kris drew the blankets over them and spooned around Adam, covering as much of his body as he could with his own. He started to hum a soft tune as he stroked Adam’s head, face and arms.
“D-don’t leave me…p-please d-don’t leave me,” Adam choked out through his sobs.
“Oh baby, I’m not going to leave you, my love…sshhhhhh, there now, I’m not going anywhere…I love you, remember? I love you, I love you,” he said and continued to hum softly.
He still loves me? “Y-you do?”
“Yes, my love, I do. I love you. It’s going to be alright.”
“I’m s-scared, angel,” Adam whimpered as his cries began to lessen.
“I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, baby. Didn’t you see how I kicked down your door? Angel is going to protect you, my love. Sam, whoever he is, he’ll have to get through me first.”
“He…” Adam gave a huge sniff and wiped his nose with the bed sheet. I’m safe. I trust him. I love him and he still loves me. “He was my boyfriend. He…hurt me.” Adam began to cry in earnest again.
Kris squeezed Adam even harder. “Baby, my sweet, sweet Adam, no one is ever going to hurt you like that again, not if I can help it.”
I don’t deserve him…I’m not worth this kind of goodness. He wept until he had no tears left and then lay there quietly, listening to Kris hum a soothing melody until he finally fell asleep.
The first thing he noticed when he awoke an hour later was that he was alone in his bed. “Angel!” he yelped loudly. He left me oh my god he left me no no noooooooo! But then there were hurried footsteps in the hall and Kris appeared in the doorway.
“Hey, gorgeous.” Kris walked over to the bed and sat on it. He had changed back into his clothes from yesterday.
Adam tried to calm his breathing. “You’re still here,” he whispered.
“Of course I am, baby, I told you I wasn’t going anywhere. I was just in the living room talking to Ali.” He reached out and ran his hand down Adam’s cheek.
Now that he was awake and reassured, Adam remembered that Sam was still on the loose and was out to get him. He tensed and looked around the room as if he expected to see him there, but all he saw was that someone had taped up the broken window while he was asleep. “I’m sorry about that…about getting mad like that,” he said quietly.
“Don’t you dare apologize, Adam. You have every right to be angry.”
Adam looked up at him in amazement. “How do you always know the right things to say?”
Kris shrugged. “I love you.”
“I don’t deserve you,” Adam mumbled.
“What? What are you talking about? Of course you deserve me!”
Adam sat up and shook his head. “No, I don’t…I don’t know why you love me…I’m…not worthy of it. I’m just a damaged--”
“Stop this right now,” Kris said firmly. He shifted so that they were facing each other. “I love you because you are an incredible person. You’re funny and silly and childlike, you’re smart and talented, you have a kind and generous heart, and you’re the best lover I’ve ever had.”
“That can’t all be true…you’re just saying that to make me feel better.”
Kris put his hands on Adam’s shoulders and gazed into his eyes. “Do you honestly believe that I’d lie to you like that? Do you think that I can’t tell a beautiful person when I see one?”
Adam smiled weakly. “You forgot sexy.”
“Sexy doesn’t even begin to cover it, baby,” Kris chuckled. “You are the most gorgeous man I’ve ever laid eyes on. I love everything about you, down to the very last freckle.”
“I hate them.”
“I love them. They’re you, and I love you.”
Adam stared into Kris’ eyes and saw nothing but love and devotion there. Wow. “Well, I might be convinced if you kiss me right now,” Adam said as he leaned in to Kris. They wrapped their arms around each other and sighed before kissing deeply.
WHAM! Adam’s body gave an enormous start and then he clung to Kris, wide-eyed and afraid. “W-what was that?”
“Shhhhh,” Kris said, “It was just the front door. Ali ran out for a minute…that must have been her coming back in. She said she had a key. Shhhh…it’s okay, my love.”
It’s not okay! His heart pounded against his ribcage. Fuck! I fucking hate this! Such a cowardly baby. “I can’t stand this, Kris. I hate being scared…I need to do something, anything.” I want sex, I want to break something…
“Why don’t you get up and get dressed, and then you can call your therapist. I’m sure she’ll know how to help. Plus, you’re mom is coming over soon.”
“My mom?” He tried not to feel embarrassed at the fuss they were all making; he knew he needed their support and he didn’t want to end up in the hospital again.
Kris nodded. “She should be here in about a half an hour.”
“Okay, I’ll be out in a minute.” He kissed Kris’ palm and held it to his face for a moment. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, baby.” Kris pecked him on the forehead and left.
Okay…okay, I can handle this. I’m surrounded by people who love me. I can do this. He got up and walked to his closet to find some clothes. I need to wear them…I need to. His hand hesitated only briefly before he snatched up a pair of sex pants. As he fastened the numerous hooks, he felt a little less afraid. Ten minutes later he stepped out of the bathroom completely dressed with his hair and makeup done perfectly.
“I went downstairs and told them you were sick and couldn’t perform tonight,” said Alisan when she saw his outfit.
Fuck, I totally forgot about work. Wouldn’t have gone anyway…what if he was there, waiting for me. Adam shivered and went to sit next to Kris on the couch. “Thanks, yeah…I just needed to, you know, feel normal.” Like wearing pants with hidden hooks is normal, Lambert. He told that voice to shut up and took a deep breath. “What’s the news…tell me, please, I have to know. Did they find him yet?”
Kris and Alisan exchanged worried glances. “No, puppy, they didn’t. But they will, I know they will.”
Adam tried desperately to push down the fear he felt at hearing this. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t feel safe here…Sam got in to my last apartment, he can get into this one…but he was terrified to go anywhere else. “What am I going to do?” he said in a hushed voice.
Kris put an arm around him. “You’re going to call your therapist and I’m going to call the police.”
“But what can they do?”
“Ali told me how Sam broke in before, so we’ll tell the police that you think he’s after you again and they can help protect you.”
“They can?”
“Yep. My dad is a volunteer for the sheriff’s department back home, and he’s been on safety patrols before for people who felt like their life was in danger.”
Well that’s better than nothing. “I…thank you, both of you, for helping me like this.”
“Sweetie, you know there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you,” said Alisan.
Adam got up and hugged her. She squeezed him tight and then handed him the phone. “Call Sheila.”
He had to leave a message on Sheila’s voicemail and then he paced around his apartment, muttering to himself while he waited for her to call back. “It’s going to be okay. The police will help…he’s not going to get me. It’s okay to need help…it doesn’t mean I’m weak. Kris loves me and he’s not going to leave me. It’s going to be okay.” Over and over he repeated these phrases in an attempt to soothe himself while Kris was busy talking to the police on the phone and Alisan had run out to get them dinner.
“Adam, they’re sending someone over to talk to you, but they can’t get here until a little later tonight,” said Kris after he had hung up.
Just then Ali returned. “Hey, look who I found!” she said, smiling.
Adam stopped pacing and looked up to see his mom with her arms stretched wide. Oh thank god she’s here. “Mom,” he said, starting to choke up again as he walked to her.
“My sweet child,” Leila said. She put her arms around him and hugged him tight. He breathed a sigh of relief and clung to her without shame. “Everything is going to be okay, baby. We’re all here to help you. We all love you.”
Adam sniffed and pulled back. “Thanks, mom.”
“Any time, sweetie. Now, Ali brought Chinese so I suggest we all eat and try to relax a little…okay?”
Adam nodded.
“Kris, dear, it’s lovely to see you again. I can’t tell you how happy I am that you are here.”
“Yes ma’am,” Kris shook his head, “I mean, Leila.”
Leila chuckled and gave him a hug. They sat around Adam’s coffee table and ate, trying to talk about anything but Sam. Adam looked around the table and smiled fondly at them. They all love me. It’s going to be okay.
“So Ali,” Kris began, “why do you call Adam ‘puppy’?”
Alisan giggled. “You should have seen how cute he was, Kris. There was this adorable boy, Jacob, that Adam was crazy about in middle school.”
Adam rolled his eyes. “Oh my god, you are not telling him this story.”
“Awww…please?” begged Kris.
Damn, he is too cute with those eyes and that pouty lip.
“Fine.” Adam waved a hand at Ali and she continued.
“So they sat next to each other in Math class, right, and I sat behind them and I just knew that Jacob liked Adam, too. I always caught them staring at each other when the other wasn’t looking. But, Adam here, being the stubborn boy that he is, didn’t believe me. He whined at me for ages, just like a puppy, all sad because he thought Jacob didn’t like him.”
Leila and Kris chuckled and Kris rested his chin in his hands.
Adam wasn’t really listening to the story. He just stared at Kris. How is he so gorgeous?
“So one day, I got fed up with his whining and I stole his notebook, the one where he had written AL + JP on the front and drawn a heart around it. I walked into class the next day and plopped it right down on Jacob’s desk.”
“No, you didn’t!” Kris laughed.
“She did!” chortled Leila.
“Oh my god you should have seen Adam’s face when he saw Jacob staring at his notebook! And then, you won’t believe it, but after class was over and everyone else was gone, Jacob got up and kissed Adam on the cheek and then ran out of the room!”
“Awwwwww!” Kris cooed and beamed at Adam.
I love the way his smile gets all crooked like that. Mmmmm, those lips.
“And then I had to listen to him whine some more because his mom thought he was too young to date.”
“Well, he was!” Leila chimed in.
“So yeah, Kris…puppy, for real,” Alisan finished and winked at Adam. “You know you love me, sweetie.”
Adam huffed. “Okay, okay…if you’re done embarrassing me now…” He pushed away his empty plate and stood up. “Kris?”
“Yeah, baby?” Kris replied, still smiling.
“I have something to show you in the bedroom.”
Kris jumped to his feet with such enthusiasm that he almost knocked over his glass. Adam grabbed his hand and looked at his mom and Alisan. “Be right back,” he said and winked at them. “You might want to turn on some loud music.”
The two women laughed and got up. “I think we’ll go downstairs to the club for a while,” said Leila, “we’ll be back later.”
“In that case…I think we should pick up were we left off this afternoon.”
Alisan smirked and she left with Leila.
As soon as Adam got Kris into the kitchen he started to kiss him fervently. “So sexy, so cute…” he said into Kris’ mouth and then licked all around those full lips.
“Uuunnnngggghhhh,” Kris moaned and lifted up his shirt.
Adam helped him get it off and pulled his own over his head. “So beautiful, my angel,” Adam whispered, running his hands up and down Kris’ naked back. He took a nipple into his mouth and sucked it, then worked his tongue in circles around it until it was a hard nub.
“Mmmm…Adam…baby…”
Adam growled and bit Kris’ nipple lightly before moving on to the other one. When that one was hard, too, he stopped and went back Kris’ mouth. They dipped in and out with their tongues and began to grind against each other. “These pants…are in the way, rabbit,” he said huskily. He popped the button on Kris’ jeans, unzipped them and slid them down far enough to shove his hands in and massage Kris’ ass.
Kris mouthed Adam’s chest and pressed his tongue firmly into the flesh, kneading it again and again.
“Ohhhh….” Adam squeezed his eyes shut in pleasure. “Get up there, angel.”
Kris wiggled his pants down some more and hopped up onto the kitchen table.
But they were denied this experience for the second time that day. A series of loud gunshots suddenly rang out from the street below and a woman screamed shrilly into the night. Every muscle in Adam’s body seized, and then he fainted and fell onto the kitchen floor.
Sometime later, he didn't know how long, he opened his eyes to glaring florescent lights overhead. He put a hand up to shield his face. "Where am I? What happened? Angel?"
"Right here, baby. You're in the hospital for observation. Everything is going to be alright."
Chapter 21