Na Po Wri Mo #2: Plus 1237

[krinndnz]

Wow, it's a good thing that permission-to-redacted is in full effect with this NaPoWriMo thing. Couldn't resist turning the Rapture on its head, though, because reversals can be fun. Honestly there was going to be porn in here, but worldbuilding, as often happens, ran away with me. If you want tomorrow to be just porn picking up where this

Comments

[krinndnz]

So are you telling me to go ahead with a TF-centric follow-up ?

[krinndnz]

Well, there's kitty TF being served up now, but you particularly - well, make a comment on the open-casting call post so you can just tell me what to write. :)

[ribbin]

Wow. You, sir, have a warped idea of the afterlife! Still, brilliantly creative, and very entertaining. Have you considered studying creative writing? Or is that too structured for you?

[krinndnz]

Unfortunately, community college Let's Sit In A Circle And Validate One Another creative writing classes have rather put me off the concept for a while. There's also a large and cynical part of my brain that says "writing and computer tinkering are the things that you spend your time on regardless of whether you're being paid for them or not - if you're gonna make a career out of one of them, you're gonna be doing the other on the side anyhow, so pick the one that pays better to make a day job out of."

That said, glad you liked this snippet. It started from the basic reversal of "huh, so what would happen if demons summoned humans?" and then the Reverse Rapture was a nice flash of insight. I'm happy when that sort of thing strikes.

[ribbin]

*laughs* validation is about the last thing that happens in the class I'm taking right now. More often than not it ends in people apologizing for being overly critical, but then again it's a grad course led by a man who's famous for making students cry:P

I think you're on to something, though- pick the one that's going to make you money, and do the other for fun.

[krinndnz]

Once I get better at consistency, I'd love to try a serious-ish workshop. I dread the thought of showing up with nothing, which I've already done too many times in the past. And that's part of why I'm doing this exercise.

[teh_alk]

Fascinating stuff! And although the story has rapidly progressed towards an almost inescapably smutty occurence, I don't mind either way. There's a lot of this reality to be potentially shaped out and you're great at doing it!

Since I don't have internet at home, I more or less ripped through Brütal Legend without interruption and I was very much intrigued at how much detail you can pack into a world based solely on the artistic themes of metal album covers. Great stuff. Too bad the RTS-but-not-RTS gameplay was a little grating.

[teh_alk]

That second paragraph was supposed to tie in to how I liked the couple "metal" details of New Hell. :]

[krinndnz]

Oh yes, Brütal Legend probably was an influence. cryptodragon showed me the demo. The CW is right: it's a high-concept game whose quality is basically predicated on how much you like the premise of "Jack Black in the Metal Dimension."

Thanks.

[trishkitten]

Oh apparently I had a button there. Hello, button. Mrrrow. (I already knew about that one.) I like this a lot --- I feel like you could slow down and take more time on the visual and I'd still like it a lot and also feel more engaged in the world, which right now is still in the "interesting frame for porn" bucket. But I do like the frame.

The other thing that I think you could make better here --- and I realize you are trying to write 50K words in a month, but it's something you might consider moving forward --- is what's going on in her head. Why is she accepting all of this, to the extent that she is? One way to do this would be to get all third person omniscient and talk about what she's thinking, what she's feeling, what she sees, her internal conflict. You could also express this through her body --- the way she stands, halting steps, pauses in her speech, the shape of her face, eyes. I like the banter near the end, and the physicality of it, and I think it would feel more organic if there had been a progression toward it in

[krinndnz]

Yes, that is one of the deficiencies that became obvious to me once I let the Inner Editor speak up again. That's probably going to become the kernel of the follow-up.

There are a couple of dynamics going on here. One is that I like writing dialogue, particularly clever people bickering, and so I try not to over-indulge myself (when the Inner Editor has her way, that is). The other is that I worry about the show-don't-tell issue, and so I shy away from third person omniscient in most circumstances.

As for her jadedness - the initial gloss on that in my head was "excess Genre Savvy," for both her and the other protagonist. It does demand explanation, though.

[bossgoji]

Ooooooh. I DO like where this is going. You may not have been trying to pander to me, but you definitely succeeded!

[krinndnz]

I did remember towards the end some of your theories about narrative Hell. In my notes is "hell is about style!" - and that's pretty much directly from you.