(no subject)
Joe was right all along. Never trust a Slytherin. I can't believe I was so stupid. Chad was right too. It is my fault that Joe died. I liked getting attention from Chad, it made me feel better about myself. But, if I had known that this would be the outcome, I never would have taken his hand that night we met each other. I never would have taken up his tutoring offer (which didn't help anyway). And, I never would have gone to his house for that stupid, horrible party. Speaking of which, I still have that damn bracelet he gave me. I should have thrown it at his face.
At least I got to slap him. Punching him would have been better, but I wasn't exactly thinking at the time. He almost used the Cruciatus curse on me..I...I'm not sure what would have happened to me. Thank God for Professor Vector. I'm so stupid though, SO stupid. I should have told her the truth. I mean, Chad said I slapped him, and obviously I did. He didn't say why I did. I should have. Then again, Chad would probably come hex me in my sleep. Doesn't sound to bad once I think about it. I have detention. At least Professor Vector was nice and gave me detention with Professor Sinistra. I wonder if she knew I liked Astronomy. She also knew I was lying for Chad...but, why didn't she say anything? I hate her stupid nephew. How are they related? She's so nice.
What do I have to live for anyway? My best friend is dead. The person I fell in love with is dead. The guy I thought was "nice" is a stupid, fucking, asshole. I never want to see his stupid face ever again. I hope he's happy and I hope he tells all of his stupid Slytherin friends. I'm sure he'll leave the part about me slapping him out. That'd be embarrassing.
He called me a mudblood. No one's ever called me that. Theodore told me not to take it personally, but how could I not? Theodore is another story. Why was he being nice to me? Is he doing to me what Chad did? Though, what would he get out of it? I hope he's not trying to get to Neville or Seamus or Dean or anyone...I will personally kill him.
I have so much more to say, and I can't even think of the words right now. I want to hurt someone.
ARG. I want to cry. I want to break something so badly. Or someone. And then, cry some more. This is the absolute worst year of my life. I'd give anything to not be here anymore. I'd give anything to be up there with Joe right now. I will never trust another human being again. Don't tell me that you understand how this feels because you don't. You don't understand the guilt, the anger, the pure hatred and all of the other fucked up things I'm feeling right now. No one understands what I'm going through. No one.
At least I got to slap him. Punching him would have been better, but I wasn't exactly thinking at the time. He almost used the Cruciatus curse on me..I...I'm not sure what would have happened to me. Thank God for Professor Vector. I'm so stupid though, SO stupid. I should have told her the truth. I mean, Chad said I slapped him, and obviously I did. He didn't say why I did. I should have. Then again, Chad would probably come hex me in my sleep. Doesn't sound to bad once I think about it. I have detention. At least Professor Vector was nice and gave me detention with Professor Sinistra. I wonder if she knew I liked Astronomy. She also knew I was lying for Chad...but, why didn't she say anything? I hate her stupid nephew. How are they related? She's so nice.
What do I have to live for anyway? My best friend is dead. The person I fell in love with is dead. The guy I thought was "nice" is a stupid, fucking, asshole. I never want to see his stupid face ever again. I hope he's happy and I hope he tells all of his stupid Slytherin friends. I'm sure he'll leave the part about me slapping him out. That'd be embarrassing.
He called me a mudblood. No one's ever called me that. Theodore told me not to take it personally, but how could I not? Theodore is another story. Why was he being nice to me? Is he doing to me what Chad did? Though, what would he get out of it? I hope he's not trying to get to Neville or Seamus or Dean or anyone...I will personally kill him.
I have so much more to say, and I can't even think of the words right now. I want to hurt someone.
ARG. I want to cry. I want to break something so badly. Or someone. And then, cry some more. This is the absolute worst year of my life. I'd give anything to not be here anymore. I'd give anything to be up there with Joe right now. I will never trust another human being again. Don't tell me that you understand how this feels because you don't. You don't understand the guilt, the anger, the pure hatred and all of the other fucked up things I'm feeling right now. No one understands what I'm going through. No one.