tennis slash - If You Stay With Me, Honestly
Title: If You Stay With Me, Honestly
Author: Kris S.
Fandom: Tennis RPS
Pairing: Marat Safin/Nikolay Davydenko
Other Characters: Dinara Safina, Elena Dementieva
Disclaimer: This did not happen.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: What happens when Marat starts thinking too much.
Author's Notes: The song "Save Yourself" by James Morrison is stuck in my head. It is wanting out, hence the title. This is connected to the Unholy Trilogy (Not the Lonely One, Not the Only One, No Ideal), kinda, but it isn't necessary to read those stories. This is Marat's POV, which is much tougher than I thought it would be.
Dinara doesn't believe you. She really doesn't believe you.
You have never been one to talk about your personal life with her. She's heard the stories and, while she doesn't believe everything, knows at least some of it must be true.
Then again, it isn't as if the two of you normally play as a team. Even when in the same place, Dina's schedule differs greatly from yours. So Hopman Cup has been strange, playing as teammates.
She asks you questions about the other Russian men, kidding about the orgy that must take place. You know it's never been true but you're amused that a story like that is going around the ladies' locker room and they apparently enjoy that kind of imagery.
You ask what the other female players think of the Russian men. "Of course, they all fantasize about you," she laughs. "Elena would like to eat off of Dima's stomach, but only if he doesn't speak. Anna and Kiri are fighting for claim on Igor."
She tries to act discreet when asking about Mischa, as if you're not supposed to know that she has a crush on him. You tell her that he often asks about her as well, which elicits a wide smile that she quickly conceals. You're not lying but she is sure you are.
You shake your head when she asks if you ever hooked up with Dmitry. You inform her that he's simply your sometimes-friendly stalker. She seems happy to hear that one, though you're not sure if it's in a gossipy way or that you don't in fact screw everything that moves.
She makes a joke about Nikolay, wondering if he's the spy in the room that takes notes on what everyone else is talking about. There was a time when you would kid along with that one but not now.
Especially since you know you messed up.
That he is an observer and he observed you messing up by being what everyone thinks you are. He made sure to stay far away from you during the off-season, never actually saying what he saw.
You never intended to tell Dina in the first place. Especially since there was no longer anything to tell. You had planned to wait until the Australian Open to try to talk to him. But you still feel this urge to defend him, even if he never wanted that from you.
The day of the final is when you find out that's not possible. That he got hurt in the warm-up event and won't play the first major after all.
It feels like a cruel joke. Usually that joke is in the form of getting hurt, or facing a top seed just when you're starting to get your rhythm back. It's not supposed to involve him.
Dina gets on your case about this sudden mood. You had been able to forget that you're no good until that news hit. You mutter, "He won't be there," but nothing further.
She desperately wants to know but she's also convinced herself the entire Russian squad is playing her for a fool by this point so it's fruitless to explain. By the time of the Australian Open, she believes you (or they) picked Nikolay because he's not around to refute the claim.
The truth is that you two haven't officially broken up, that he's done a spiritual journey of his own during the off-season that probably wasn't as cool as your climb up the mountain a year earlier. That he has realized by now that you're not quite The One... well, you've never been The One as far as anyone is concerned.
You know you will hurt him, if you haven't already. He knows you're a flirt and you've been good enough to not have anything progress further. Quite a bit of willpower you have all of a sudden but it feels like it's not enough. He saw your routine with Mario and the look was not exactly cordial, even if the Croat had no idea anything had happened.
So it's a preemptive breakup. You don't know how to do a relationship. You're used to having a piece of action, maybe being the one stirring up trouble. But this, you don't know how to do this.
Somehow, Dina figures out what you're about to do. Considering she thinks this whole thing is a hoax, you wonder how she came to that conclusion. All you know is that you get to your hotel room after winning your second round match and you have a note from him saying:
If anyone can beat Roger in the first week of a major, most likely it's you. But if not, Dinara says you must come back to Russia. I can't disobey her and neither can you.
You see Dina the next day with a bouquet of flowers. She tells Elena they came from Mischa but she smiles your way as she lies to her.
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