tennis slash - Rochus Paper Company
Title: Rochus Paper Company
Author: Kris S.
Fandom: Tennis RPS
Pairing: Jo-Wilfried Tsonga/Andy Murray
Other Players: Richard Gasquet, Gilles Simon, Stanislas Wawrinka, Gael Monfils, Novak Djokovic, Laura Robson
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This did not happen.
Summary: AU. Fusion with The Office. Receptionist Jo ends up involved in a plan within the office to get accountant Andy laid.
Author's Note: Written for netcord vol 5. (link)
“Rochus Paper Company, this is Jo.”
“Hello, Jo. I’m dissatisfied with the delivery schedule. Our order was supposed to be here yesterday…”
Jo holds up a hand even though he knows the caller cannot see him. “Hold on. Let me transfer you to our customer service rep, Gilles.”
When Jo is off the phone, Richard is watching him from his desk and failing at not laughing. Jo lets out a huff then says, “Stop that!”
Richard shakes his head. “I’m sorry. You’ve been the receptionist here for over a year yet you still gesture when on the phone.”
Andy walks past at that moment and cannot help but interject, “While you can’t help being a helpless flirt toward anyone who works here. Everyone has bad habits.”
Richard makes a concerted effort to avoid commenting on that in continuing, “If I did that on a sales call, I would never get a sale on the phone, period.”
Jo says, “That’s why you’re the salesman and I’m not.”
“You’re going to do phones for the rest of your life?”
“Well, no. I have one year to go with evening college. Once that’s done, no more answering other people’s calls.”
Richard leans on his desk, pretending he’s telling Jo a deep dark secret but being loud enough for others to hear, “That makes sense. Wouldn’t want to be sad and pathetic and single.” He gestures over to the accountant’s desk. “Otherwise, you end up like our dear Andrew.”
Andy lets out a sigh as he grabs a spreadsheet printout from his desk and heads in the direction of the boss’ office. Jo offers a sympathetic look toward Andy’s back as the door closes then continues, “I hate to say this but, well, you kind of do flirt a lot.”
“No. I try to provide a healthy environment. My boyfriend,” glaring toward where Andy went, “would agree with that assessment. Otherwise, this is the kind of job that gets to the deprived. Andy would be much better off if he wasn’t so repressed.” Richard jots down some notes, then looks in the direction of customer service rep Gilles, who’s still on the phone with the disgruntled customer. “There are probably many candidates. We just have to focus on a plan. I’ll talk to Gilles later, since he’s in tune with the gossip in the building.”
“You don’t even know if your focus should be on men or women.” Actually, Jo is reasonably sure Andy isn’t into women, if based on his lack of interest whenever Daniela or Ana show up. Then again, Andy seems to show lack of interest when anyone shows up.
Richard taps on his notepad. “That is a very good point. I mean, I think he’s gay but could be in denial so we’ll cast a wide net.”
* * * * *
Jo shakes his head while listening to Richard and Gilles in the break room settle on the terms. It shouldn’t really surprise Jo that they believe it involves making deals. He takes a sip of his coffee before interjecting, “This just might be the dumbest bet ever.”
Gilles has a wide smile on his face, quite proud of his idea. “He seriously needs to get laid… even more than Andy does.”
Jo looks over at Andy’s currently unoccupied chair. “I’m not saying I disagree…”
Richard continues over Jo’s voice, “He’s the perfect starting point. From there, I can use my negotiating skills to maneuver others to go for dates.”
Jo looks helplessly at Gilles as he asks, “You’re seriously going to hold Stan’s desk hostage?”
“Llodra asked to be involved so I figured using his power could aid our cause.”
Richard smiles brightly as he says, “Fixing Andy up is going to be the best entertainment we’ve had in months.”
* * * * *
“Hi, Andy.”
Andy nods as an automatic reply, focused on the numbers on the spreadsheet he has opened on the computer. When he realizes the blond hair hovering over his desk isn’t leaving, Andy murmurs, “Can I help you, Stan?”
Stan stares down at the ground, hands in pockets. “I was wondering… if you wanted to go out for coffee after work.”
“Why would I want coffee when I intend to go right to sleep? This has been a long day.”
“Oh. Okay. I will ask you another time.”
* * * * *
Jo has the newspaper in front of him while eating a salad when Andy surprises him by asking, “What’s going on with Stan?”
“What do you mean?”
“Stan looks like a sad sack each time he’s asked me out… and he’s asked me out every day we’ve worked together in the last two weeks. He still seems as if he’s hung up on someone.”
“He’s been divorced for two years now.”
Andy turns to the coffeemaker to refill his mug when he states, “I wasn’t talking about his ex. He’s still crushing on the PR guy. I saw him stammering over his words when Roger came in yesterday.”
“Really? How do you know?”
“I’ve been trying to figure out his angle ever since the first invite. Certainly never showed any interest in conversation with me before. Plus, he’s the Human Resources guy. Why would he encourage interoffice dating?” When Jo doesn’t immediately answer, Andy heads to the refrigerator to get milk for his coffee. “I know that Gilles is involved. He keeps throwing in little comments because he is utterly incapable of keeping his mouth shut. I suppose it’s interesting to know Stan has twenty-something seasons of The Simpsons on DVD but didn’t need Gilles’ input to determine he’s a fan. The various photos he’s taken involving the Homer figurine on his desk clued me in long ago.”
Andy is about to leave the break room when Jo blurts out, “There’s a bet.”
Jo watches as Andy spins around, then joins Jo at the table. Andy leans in close, practically a whisper but definitely intimidating when he asks, “What kind of bet?”
“If Stan gets the date, Llodra puts in the paperwork to get him a desk that doesn’t have two broken drawers. Otherwise, Stan will be working the weekends Llodra is supposed to work for the next three months.”
Andy sits back in the chair, letting out a sigh. “That’s vicious. Stan should have gotten a replacement desk when the drawers started sticking on the very first day. Just because Llodra has that power doesn’t mean he should abuse his position that way.”
He hadn’t specifically thought about the terms but Michael Llodra has a way of convincing people into decidedly lopsided bets. “Do you date?”
Jo thinks he detects a double take but Andy goes back quickly to business mode. “I’ve been known to date,” the dry tone letting on just how annoyed Andy is with the question. “But I’m not going out with someone who’s clearly not ready or interested beyond the acquisition of a desk. Stan made that stupid bet, he can work the weekends.”
* * * * *
Richard takes a few M&Ms out of the candy bowl sitting on Jo’s desk and says, “I think we’re going to have to open the floor regarding Andy. I thought Stan would be easy enough to work but it turns out Stan doesn’t really have the heart to ask and Andy doesn’t care to cooperate. Plan B is the traveler.”
Jo looks over at Andy on the phone and already feels disgust over this idea. “I understand the concept but I cannot think of one single thing they’d have in common… and do not say that they work in the same building. He’s a travelling salesman who finds a new person in literally every town he visits.”
“This is why he’s perfect. He doesn’t have standards. He’s a charmer. He’s on the go…”
“Why would he consider Andy?”
“Andy is a challenge. That can work in our favor if we say he’s a man of mystery instead of the bore he truly is.”
“Uh huh. Why wouldn’t Andy laugh in his face?”
“I’m not sure Andy even knows who he is by appearance so it’s best if they don’t actually meet here. They’ll bump into each other in the parking lot or something random like that.”
Jo is thankful the phone rings at that moment but still gets a chance to say, “This is a terrible idea.”
* * * * *
“Ahem. Jo?”
Apparently, Andy is now planning their encounters in the break room so Jo can’t plan an escape. Jo doesn’t even have a newspaper to hide behind this time, only a measly yogurt cup. “Yes?”
“I get the idea of fixing me up in the broad sense but Ernests Gulbis? That is actually dumber than the mopey and divorced. He can find a hooker anywhere.”
“He likes a challenge. You are a challenge.”
“Okay. How did he agree that I would be worth pursuing?”
“It may have been arranged so that he got to do a tour of California for the next month. Long distance relationship might work with you two.” Jo knows he’s grasping at straws already.
Andy crosses his arms over his chest, his stare narrowing in as he states coldly, “I’m supposed to be one of his hangers-on?”
Jo holds up his hands in defense. “This is not my plan.”
“So what would be your plan when it comes to my apparently non-existent personal life?”
“Andy…”
“I’ve seen Gilles’ plan and Richard’s plan. I don’t even need to ask because this stunt has ‘bored salesman’ written all over it. What about your plan?”
“This is just a means of entertainment to pass the time.” Jo tries not to shrink back from Andy’s determined gaze. “I haven’t contributed.”
“Maybe I’d prefer to leave my private life out of the office. I admit that my life isn’t the most exciting but I’m here to make a paycheck, not be an actor in a drama. I’d rather not play games with a tease, unlike some people.”
“What are you talking about?”
Andy appears as if he’s gearing up to say something important, then backs down and heads for the door. Jo is thrown off when Andy says over his shoulder, “He enjoys the view of the receptionist desk. Gets him through the day.”
“Richard has a boyfriend, if you’re implying…”
“Don’t bother explaining. As you said, it passes the time.”
* * * * *
Andy’s words about Richard were still ringing in Jo’s ears when he sees the envelope with two tickets sticking out. Jo looks up to find Richard at his candy dish. “What is this about?”
“We were supposed to go to the football game tomorrow night but my boyfriend got stuck at work. I know you’re a fan so I was thinking maybe you knew someone.”
Jo carefully inspects the writing on the tickets. As he suspected. “These are expensive. You don’t want to go?”
Richard gives Jo a sideways glance, debating how to answer. “I figured you were in a relationship. I mean, you don’t talk about anyone but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a special person…”
“Unfortunately not. I guess the tickets would be good in terms of luring a date...” Jo happens to see a mound of red hair and stumbles upon an idea. “I could invite Andy! He’s a football fan.” Jo is pretty sure Andy is, in fact, attempting to hear their conversation, the hair perking up as soon as football was mentioned.
That gets a chuckle out of Richard. “There’s no need to sacrifice yourself for that lost cause. I can see you actually do want to attend if you’re willing to subject yourself to him outside of work so, sure, I could go with you.”
Jo tries not to notice Andy bow his head as if he’d heard nothing of importance.
* * * * *
If there was more time to think, Jo would have figured a way out of this. As much as Jo didn’t want to admit liking the idea of being alone with Richard outside of work, well, Jo should have known better. At the game itself, it’s tough to really get anywhere, both fortunately rooting for the same side but not really much in the form of conversation.
That would have been okay. Going along with Richard’s idea of heading to a bar afterwards, not so much. It wasn’t even Santoro’s, the bar the guys in the office normally frequented, as this looked more like a hole in the wall. Jo was the one driving - Richard had insisted - so he could have veered off this path at any time.
Once inside, Richard shoots right over to the counter. The bartender has a warm smile on his face upon having company. His voice is teasing when he scolds, “You seriously had to show up tonight?”
“It was on the way home from football.” Richard holds out a hand indicating for Jo to sit on the stool. “I’d like you to meet my co-worker Jo.”
The bartender holds out his hand for Jo and introduces himself, “Gael,” then snaps at Richard, “I don’t see you in months and then both you and your boy come in tonight, separately? What’s up with that?”
Richard gives a quick glance around the bar then asks, “He left?”
Gael looks over Richard’s shoulder, something catching his eye, but shrugs it off. “Yeah, I guess he did. Such a pest tonight, too.”
“I’d better get home and deal with his sulking.”
Richard is about to say something to Jo when another voice purrs out, “I’d rather you deal with other matters,” as he wraps his arms around Richard.
Even though Richard doesn’t have any pictures on his desk and Jo had otherwise no way of knowing who this person was, this was quite obvious. Just as confirmation, Gael shouts out, “You change your tune once he shows up, Novak.”
“Hey, hey, hey. You leave me alone. I desherve a night like thish.”
Richard lets out a sigh, then mutters, “Good thing I figured I’d be driving your car tonight.” He looks over his shoulder, offering Novak a wry smile. “You’re so predictable. Getting all pouty because of being responsible enough to cover for a sick colleague.”
Novak says, “It was such a shame watching the game here.”
Gael pipes up, “Especially for me.”
Richard looks to Jo, who’s already preparing to hear an apology. Richard says, “I thought he’d be better entertainment but he’s not cooperating. I wasn’t sure what to expect but gonna have to leave. Is that okay?”
Jo waves him off, more annoyed witnessing every moment of domestic bliss that passes in front of him than with Richard leaving.
Gael watches as Richard and Novak leave, then asks Jo, “Want a drink?”
Jo shrugs. “Yeah, guess I’ll have whatever’s on tap.” As Gael does that, Jo mutters, “I’m not really a bar person but I went along… how do you know them if they’re not regular customers?”
“Novak does come in on occasion with others from his job at the talent agency. Richie prefers wine to anything we serve so really only shows up if he absolutely knows his Nole is here or needs to talk to me. Richie and I grew up together so I’ve known both of them prior to working here.”
“Oh. That makes more sense.” Jo takes a sip of the beer in front of him, not eager to head home.
Gael takes out a dishrag and wipes the counter, not looking Jo’s way as he admits, “Even if they say otherwise, they’re still ridiculously in love. They act differently without an audience.”
“I could see that.”
“Really? Because I got the feeling you thought this night was more.”
“It’s not that I want him. It’s that I want that feeling of being that special someone to somebody.”
“Hey, sorry to interrupt,” Jo shoots his head up upon hearing the Scottish accent, “but another pitcher, please. Laura’s pushing for shots but I’m not dealing with that alone so just ignore her.”
Gael says, “Aww, I was hoping to dance with her tonight. Maybe a Coyote Ugly impersonation,” as he heads for the tap.
Andy counters, “As if you need an excuse to dance,” his voice sounding unusually lighthearted.
“You got me there. Then again, I’m really wanting to get you drunk because I want to see you dance.”
“That’s not happening.” Andy glances toward Jo and sits down on the barstool while waiting for Gael. “That was a pretty good game.”
Jo turns toward Andy, thrown to see him in t-shirt and jeans… even though it’s logical given that neither of them worked today. Before Jo has a chance to say anything, a young lady approaches and says to Gael, “Set up two Citrons.”
Andy shakes his head at Gael, saying, “I will tip you the amount of those drinks not to fill that order.”
She - Jo assumes this is Laura - says, “You’re no fun at all. You need to get lucky, Andy.” Noticing Jo sitting there, Laura gasps, “Oh no! You were actually picking up someone! I’m so sorry to mess up your game.”
Andy says to her, “One, I don’t have game,” Gael nodding at that point strong enough for Andy to pointedly glare at him, “and, two, this is my co-worker Jo so there’s no reason to be picking up anyone. Jo, this is my flatmate Laura.”
Laura holds out her hand for Jo to shake. “Pleasure to meet one of his co-workers. Though, Andy, you really should try and take advantage of the nice view.”
While Jo tries to figure out what to say to that, Andy is annoyed. “Laura, don’t even…”
“You’re going to tell me there’s a guy hotter than him at the office? If that’s the case, you really have no reason to complain about your job because you’ve been residing in a sea of gorgeousness. He must join us tonight!”
Andy tries to pull Laura away. “Let’s go. Jo is busy…”
Jo is kind of enjoying watching Andy appear both comfortable around Laura and suddenly uncomfortable around him. “Actually, no. I would love to join you.” He picks up his glass while Andy takes the pitcher and Laura bounces excitedly back to their table.
Laura still has a cheesy smile on her face as she’s watching Jo. Rather than continue to embarrass Andy further, she asks, “What has you alone at the bar? I mean, I saw you came in with a blond guy who, thankfully, dragged Novak out of here. He can be fun but today he was also a bit of a buzzkill.”
Andy answers for Jo, “I’m purely guessing, since I didn’t have view of the bar area, he came in with Richard. They went to the game together.” Jo nods at that information but doesn’t add on. “Okay then. Something happened?”
“No…not really. That is kind of the problem.”
Andy pours from the pitcher to his and Laura’s glasses as he says, “You fell for the salesman’s pitch, didn’t you?”
Jo frowns at the wording but he mostly wishes Andy had been wrong. “Since Richie doesn’t talk about Novak in any sort of serious way at work, I figured there wasn’t anything to say.”
“I think you should be aware that Novak practically shouts his love for Richie from the rooftops.” At Jo’s confused reaction, Andy continues, “Novak has been coming to this bar longer than I’ve been at Rochus.”
Laura chimes in, “I actually convinced Andy to ask Novak out and that’s when Novak went on and on and on about the guy. I had to buy drinks for two weeks for that error.”
Andy seems so much more relaxed outside of work so Jo is almost afraid to ask, “Is Richard aware you did that?”
“It would be funnier if he did but no. Novak doesn’t realize we work together.” He takes a sip of his beer before continuing, “There’s a difference between the work version and the off-work version of people. People find different ways to get through the eight hour day. Some have their entire life wrapped around the events in the office.”
Jo leans back in the seat, letting out a deep sigh. “I wish I had an eventful life outside work but so busy with classes that I’m in a bit of a dry spell.”
Andy says, “I find that difficult to believe.” Jo glances toward Andy, who had been observing him but quickly retreats.
There’s something oddly familiar about the reaction. Jo asks pointedly, “Do you do that at work a lot?”
“Do what?”
“Watch me from your desk then pretend otherwise when I look your way?”
Andy scratches at his neck and mutters, “That would be silly,” but Jo has to admit he’s finding Andy’s reaction to this conversation rather charming.
Laura practically sings out, “Andy, you are such a teenage girl. Maybe you should pass notes to him during recess.”
Jo can’t help but smile at her mocking, especially as it’s completely embarrassing Andy. Finally, Jo says, “Remember when you asked me what my plan would be?” At Andy’s confused stare, Jo continues, “How Gilles bartered with Llodra regarding Stan and Richie used favors regarding Gulbis?” Andy nods, green eyes searching to figure out the angle. Jo takes a deep breath then soldiers on, “I didn’t know at that moment but I realize now I wouldn’t have searched for anyone. I would have rather just asked you myself.”
“Oh.” Andy is silent for a long time, making Jo believe that he and Laura misread Andy’s signals. Finally, he answers, “Can we see what the others would try to do to help in my apparent lack of social life at the same time?”
Laura lets out a sigh while Jo laughs at the counteroffer. Jo aims for sultry - unsuccessfully, as he can’t stop laughing - as he leans toward Andy to say, “I suppose… if I can use Laura’s passing notes idea to go on at work about not-quite-appropriate matters to discuss later in my car.”
“As much as I love seeing your face light up when you smile, I’d rather not right now,” as he goes in to kiss Jo. While Jo is pretty sure he’s never going to see Andy this loosened up at work, he’s more than enjoying that this side does exist… and he’s the only one who knows about it as he deepens the kiss. Andy momentarily breaks the kiss to murmur against Jo’s mouth, “That said, I do agree about one thing Laura said.”
“Which is?”
“I should be more grateful for the nice view from my desk.”