Avec Amour ;
Avec Amour
JaeJoong&Yunho
Romance, Drama
JaeJoong comes just so he can leave again.
comfort regarding JaeSuChun moving out.
{♫ Song used; Let go by M.flo
Avec Amour;
i.
Even though I'm drowning in an unrequited love
I dont want to wake up from this dream, can't let go.
I don't care if it's selfish
I want an unwavering love right here.
You hate knocking. You don't understand why you should have to anyways; this is still your home - and yet, you can't seem to take the ring of keys out of your Ashley Tisdale purse. Instead, you pull out your cell phone, flipping it open and pressing speed dial number one; my lovely Yunho♥
"Hello, JaeJoongie?"- To you, the voice sounds eager; almost sweet with aegyo, hello JaeJoongie, hello JaeJoongie. Sometimes you think you're hearing things, sometimes it's just wishful thinking on your part.
"Yun-ah," You say at last, an evasive smile of a thirteen-year-old tinting your lips with just saying his name, Yun-ah, Yun-ah, Yun-ah. If you could, you would tattoo his name onto your lips - just because, you were an idiot in love "I'm here, open the door."
You swear you can hear Yunho frown through the phone, you swear you can hear Yunho's mouth fall open with questions that won't come out, why don't you just unlock the door yourself JaeJoongie?, you swear you can hear Yunho's heart skip a beat.
"Okay," he says after a moment, "I'll be right there."
You hear an instant shuffling, long legs half walking; half running - a stepping vibration making its way to the door, then the clicking of the locks. "Hey," Yunho says once opening the door and seeing you.
"Hey," You say in return, "here, I cooked this for you and Min. Eat it together okay?" You extend your arm, a plastic filled with cooked goods dangling from your fingers. Look at you Yun, you look so thin.
"Thanks JaeJoongie," You watch in adoration as the leadershii takes the bag into his hands, gently cradling the plastic bag in his palms as he smiles, his cheeks making its way up into two egg shaped balls; his eyes disappearing into small crescent shaped slits. You like how Yunho's face looks fat when he smiles.
"Stupid," You mutter a gasped laugh, you forgot again - you forgot to breathe. You don't know what it is about the leadershii's smile that makes you breathless every time, but the feeling always comes to you like a heat wave through your body, the feeling of baby butterflies flying to your chest; their soft butterfly petals kissing your beating heart. "Could it be you haven't eaten since I last came?" You laugh jokingly again, this time you breathe.
ii.
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Everything starts with, "hey how you doin?"
Yeah, yeah, yeah
When we look eachother in the eye, the curtain opens on this storyline
"How have you been doing?" Yunho asks almost conversationally, walking over to you with two bowls of bibimbap. You look at the bowls with questioning fascination, Yun-ah did you - make those? Your heart sinks once he puts the bowls on the living room table in front of you and takes a seat beside you; a slight touch to your arm makes you tremble.
It wasn't too long ago that you were making his bibimbap. "I ordered this from this new Korean restaurant I found; I thought you would like it."
You don't know whether to laugh or to cry at your childishness. But you feel relieved, relieved that he hasn't replaced you; that he still needs you. You're selfish, and you know it well, but you need him to need you; you need him to miss you when you're not around - you need him, to love you.
He laughs at the look on your face, and you duck your head in a shy smile, "So, answer. How have you been?" he asks again, this time staring right into your eyes, you return the look thoughtfully. Your eyes scrutinizing his face, he's always been so handsome. You want to caress him, to hold his face in your palms and stroke his cheeks.
Your love for him has always been too obvious, too obvious in the way you always found yourself reaching out to touch him; to hold him - to keep him, or how your body would slacken in his embrace as he held you in his strong arms, your body intuitively moving in closer to fit his form. It was always too obvious; the way you would sometimes just stare at him, unable to find words - as if, your eyes were made just to look at him. You often wondered if he knew, or if he realized that even after he would let go of you, you would find a way to hold onto him.
You don't know how to respond to his question, It sounds easy - how have you been doing?, so easy, but the answer could go either way, your answer could be good or it can be bad - and yours was bad, it was unbearable, it was -
"I've been doing fine Yunho-ah," with an indifferent face, you lie. You always lie now. It was never your intention, but it came out so easily - sometimes you think if you say it enough, that everything would all fall into place somehow. You catch a glimpse of Yunho's stare, and you know that he knows you're lying. Yunho's eyes always grow soft when he catches your white lies. He doesn't accuse you of lying, nor does he press it any further, instead he smiles at you, a 'you don't have to lie to me, JaeJoongie. I understand. I know,'' glinting in his eyes.
Of course he knows, he knows you, knows you unlike anyone has ever known you; and yet, he doesn't know that your heart and mind is filled with him.
iii.
Time stops, & even if I'm not with you
I'm alright, I try to be strong
But without you by my side, my heart aches
Just wondering if you feel the same
You look around the suite, nothing had changed since you, Yoochun and Junsu left.
The table still has five chairs; the walls still have the members' pictures and award recognitions, Yoochun's 'please keep clean! ' sign still in both the washroom and the kitchen, the sticky notes the members' would leave for Yunho to remind him to eat still stuck in neat rows on the fridge - your books of recipes still on the kitchen counter.
You still remember everything as if it were yesterday,
Junsu hovering over the karaoke set, his eager fingers readily pressing song numbers, 'Junsuyah! Not that song,' you huffed in annoyance, your feisty hands reaching to take back the remote as he would fight away your hands, 'hyung, just once. Please', but it was never just once, and you always caved. Face to face you both would sing until the sun came up. Always, because you wanted to make him happy, because you love him.
Changmin and how he would head straight into the kitchen after waking up in the morning, just to watch you cook, 'Hyung, not too spicy okay? My stomach is still feeling it from last night.' His tall frame hovering over your body as he would list the ingredients he wanted. You not once ever forgot to let him sample it first, if he smiled, you knew you did a good job. Always, you wanted to cook for him, because it made him happy, because you love him.
Yoochun and how he curled himself up into a ball on the couch, two blankets wrapped around his frame, a toque on his head as he watched drama re-runs in the living room, windows open to welcome winter wind, "Yoochunyah! Close the window. Its cold!" you complained, walking up to him with frozen feet, but he never would and you never would - instead he would open his blanket and let you inside. There the two of you would huddle together, laughing at how stupid you two looked. You never liked the cold, but because of it, you were always able to feel Yoochun's warmth. Always, you endured Yoochun's odd habits because you wanted to share with him his oddities, because you love him.
And the day your company turned your whole world around.
It was Yunho who got the call.
"We have to leave here JaeJoongie," Yunho said in a monotone, his face paling by the second. You stood still, your eyes battened on the taller man who hurriedly took out his luggage bag. It took you a few seconds to register what was going on, why Yunho was packing his things in a frenzied manner.
"Not we," You said, walking up to him as you reached out to caress his cheek, "you mean me."
He looks at you for a moment, and you stare at each other. You see a faint look of desperation in his eyes, and you observe the way his eyes glinted with tears, how his lips trembled, and his shoulders shook. You hated it the most when Yunho cried in sadness. "No," he spoke in a choked voice, raspy and straining. "We're all leaving JaeJoongie. We'll find another place altogether. Okay? Get your things ready."
Within the second he was back to packing, clothes scattered everywhere as insanity and helplessness kicked in. Slowly, you take his things out of his bag, folding them once again and placing them back into his drawer neatly, "JaeJoongie, what are you doing!" Leadershii said in a panic, his face tinted red and his eyes bloodshot. He looked at you like you had lost your mind, and you yourself began to wonder the same.
He wanted to scream at you, but he couldn't.
"You can't make that decision right now Yunho-ah, you know we can't find a place in our current situation. You know - they wouldn't allow it." There is finality in your voice, as you remain emptying Yunho's luggage.
"JaeJoong."
Wordlessly Yunho stared at you unable to believe what he was hearing from you.
"Yunho."
But you knew you had to be strong.
"No."
Yunho was on his knees, a pained expression tainting his face. He shook his head over and over again as if by doing this you would change your mind.
"I have to."
Yunho turned his head away and did not say anything for several minutes. That day, you witnessed the man you love cry like you never saw him cry before. The hollow, chest-wrenching sobs of a man who had lost all hope in everything, a man that had lost everything he had ever loved in one swoop. Everything you both worked so hard for, was crumbling right before your eyes now, and both of you didn't know what to do. But you knew you had to do anything and everything to ease his suffering.
Falling to your knees in front of him, you both cried together, crying like you've never cried before. Yunho held your hands in his as you cried and until the members came home to hear the news, grief filled the air around the suite, and like a crashing sound - you hear the maknae screaming out in anger, his body turning wildly as he yelled out, cursing. All you could think of to do was grab him; to wrap your arms around him as he writhed in your embrace, sobbing uncontrollably like he did when he was only a sixteen year old boy in your care.
The next thing you remember is the feeling of Yunho's arms holding you from behind, holding you up in his warm embrace, another pair of arms cling unto yours and you know its Yoochun holding Changmin from the side. You hear Junsu's, 'don't cry, don't cry' his voice breaking, he's crying along with the rest of you. All five of you joined together, linked forever in a bond you knew was infinitely unbreakable. Not even this would break you guys.
By the end of the week, the three of you moved out of the home you stored all your memories in. Nothing changed, everything was still the same - and yet, everything changed, and nothing was the same. The air that hung around the suite was dim, unlivable. Like a showcase room.
Your Japan suite, the place you all worked hard to make your home - was no longer your home.
You're hurting; your world is falling apart. Your body, mind, and soul is breaking. How can you possibly say it, how could you even admit it?
You watch as Yunho plays with the ring you bought him, slipping it off and on his finger mindlessly. You wonder what he's thinking. "Are you settled in at Keita's?"
It's your turn to smile this time, "it's going well. Keita said I could decorate anything I wanted." You giggle slightly, your hand rising to your mouth, "He's going to regret it." You chant rather childishly in the way you would when saying 'I'm coming to find you,' during hide and seek.
Keita was always a great friend of yours, and having him close during such a hard time was reassuring. But after Keita confessed to you two days earlier, you've been having troublesome thoughts; JeJung, if you accept me. I will take care of your heart.
You glance at Yunho, but how can I give him my heart when it's with you? You consider the fact that you can learn to love Keita, possibly. Possibly somehow, it was the perfect way to move on; to start new with a man that loved you. Possibly somehow, you would be able to finally let Yunho go.
iv.
I get so anxious, I feel as if I'm breaking apart
Oh why do I want you for my own?
Don't say anything, I just want your love right here.
"Stay over for the night." He asks you, his hand clapped over your thigh in a massage. "I'll send you back to Keita's tomorrow."
"I can't," you shake your head regretfully; "I have lots of things to do. I still need to clean the house and do the decorating. It's a big mess right now." You look at him, lips pouted like a kid saying, 'No, I didn't do anything bad!'
"JaeJoongie," Yunho says in a thick voice, startling your insides, "you know, our separation is only temporary right?"
"Yes," you laugh, pinching his thigh between your fingers. But truthfully, you don't know. As a band, as a group you knew you all would strive to be together forever, but as for you and Yunho. Your love can't seem to reach him, and that was unsettling enough. "I know. I'm just trying to keep myself comfortable." You wink at him, gently patting the side of his head as you begin to stand up. He watches you silently, but you pretend not to notice.
He follows you to the door, his hands on your back, gently massaging away your tension. This is it, you think to yourself, this is your time to say goodbye to your love. Your last day to love him as more than a friend.
"Bye Yun-ah." You smile weakly, tilting your head to the side to take one last look at him. You need to let go. Quickly you step out into the hallway; quickly you walk down the hall, the exit so near and yet so far.
"JaeJoongie, when are you coming back?" you hear him call out to you.
You don't answer.
v.
I can't forget it
I can't just shut it away
I know I shouldn't rush in
But I've got to let you know how I feel
Passionate & intense in the flow of time
I want your heart, boy - even if just for an instant
You close your eyes tightly, breathing deeply, your heart thumping relentlessly against your ribs. You reach your car, leaning on its side as you admire your old apartment from the parking lot. A shadow clouds your face as tears blur your eyesight and you put your hands up to your eyes, "Goodbye Yun-ah."
"JaeJoongie!"
You snap your head up, puzzled at the sight of Yunho trying to catch his breath in front of you. "What are you doing!" You mutter, taking off your scarf and wrapping it around Yunho's neck, not that it did anything for his freezing body. Yunho what are you thinking!
He smiles at you, a smile so disarming that you felt weak at the knees while he pulled you into an embrace that made your entire defense system crumble.
"Yun-ah -" You can't, you can't.
"JaeJoongie," He breathes into your ear, "please, whenever you can. Please come back home to me." You feel his arms tighten around you, squeezing you like a sponge. But you don't mind it, you like the feeling of his warm body against yours, liked the way you felt weak and powerless in his tender embrace. He never had to say and thing, and yet you'd feel how much he cared for you, how much he wanted to take care of you. Was that his way of loving you?
"Come back home to you." You repeat slowly, almost unsurely.
"Yes," he says, pulling out of the embrace and you lock gazes, "to me."
"Yun-ah, I -" you begin, but he covers your mouth with his hand, with a shake of his head, you remain silent as he leans forward and kisses your forehead.
"I won't let you leave me JaeJoongie," He repeats, kissing your eyelids, your cheeks, your lips, "never."
You should have known, that as long as it was Yunho holding you back, you would never let go.
Because you are, and always will be in love with him.
Started Jan.29, finished Feb.1 2010.
//
Dedicated to Moon1084 & DancingDeviant - just because♥
aw yeah, I just needed some comfort regarding the whole JaeSuChun moving out of the dongbang suite );. It has been bugging me some time already. Grrrrrr. Before coming back, I always thought I would wait it out, that I would finally start writing again once everything was settled. But seeing that it might not happen anytime soon, I just needed to write something like this. Forgive me for side tracking again!
Comments are epic (;
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JaeJoong&Yunho
Romance, Drama
JaeJoong comes just so he can leave again.
comfort regarding JaeSuChun moving out.
{♫ Song used; Let go by M.flo
Avec Amour;
i.
Even though I'm drowning in an unrequited love
I dont want to wake up from this dream, can't let go.
I don't care if it's selfish
I want an unwavering love right here.
You hate knocking. You don't understand why you should have to anyways; this is still your home - and yet, you can't seem to take the ring of keys out of your Ashley Tisdale purse. Instead, you pull out your cell phone, flipping it open and pressing speed dial number one; my lovely Yunho♥
"Hello, JaeJoongie?"- To you, the voice sounds eager; almost sweet with aegyo, hello JaeJoongie, hello JaeJoongie. Sometimes you think you're hearing things, sometimes it's just wishful thinking on your part.
"Yun-ah," You say at last, an evasive smile of a thirteen-year-old tinting your lips with just saying his name, Yun-ah, Yun-ah, Yun-ah. If you could, you would tattoo his name onto your lips - just because, you were an idiot in love "I'm here, open the door."
You swear you can hear Yunho frown through the phone, you swear you can hear Yunho's mouth fall open with questions that won't come out, why don't you just unlock the door yourself JaeJoongie?, you swear you can hear Yunho's heart skip a beat.
"Okay," he says after a moment, "I'll be right there."
You hear an instant shuffling, long legs half walking; half running - a stepping vibration making its way to the door, then the clicking of the locks. "Hey," Yunho says once opening the door and seeing you.
"Hey," You say in return, "here, I cooked this for you and Min. Eat it together okay?" You extend your arm, a plastic filled with cooked goods dangling from your fingers. Look at you Yun, you look so thin.
"Thanks JaeJoongie," You watch in adoration as the leadershii takes the bag into his hands, gently cradling the plastic bag in his palms as he smiles, his cheeks making its way up into two egg shaped balls; his eyes disappearing into small crescent shaped slits. You like how Yunho's face looks fat when he smiles.
"Stupid," You mutter a gasped laugh, you forgot again - you forgot to breathe. You don't know what it is about the leadershii's smile that makes you breathless every time, but the feeling always comes to you like a heat wave through your body, the feeling of baby butterflies flying to your chest; their soft butterfly petals kissing your beating heart. "Could it be you haven't eaten since I last came?" You laugh jokingly again, this time you breathe.
ii.
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Everything starts with, "hey how you doin?"
Yeah, yeah, yeah
When we look eachother in the eye, the curtain opens on this storyline
"How have you been doing?" Yunho asks almost conversationally, walking over to you with two bowls of bibimbap. You look at the bowls with questioning fascination, Yun-ah did you - make those? Your heart sinks once he puts the bowls on the living room table in front of you and takes a seat beside you; a slight touch to your arm makes you tremble.
It wasn't too long ago that you were making his bibimbap. "I ordered this from this new Korean restaurant I found; I thought you would like it."
You don't know whether to laugh or to cry at your childishness. But you feel relieved, relieved that he hasn't replaced you; that he still needs you. You're selfish, and you know it well, but you need him to need you; you need him to miss you when you're not around - you need him, to love you.
He laughs at the look on your face, and you duck your head in a shy smile, "So, answer. How have you been?" he asks again, this time staring right into your eyes, you return the look thoughtfully. Your eyes scrutinizing his face, he's always been so handsome. You want to caress him, to hold his face in your palms and stroke his cheeks.
Your love for him has always been too obvious, too obvious in the way you always found yourself reaching out to touch him; to hold him - to keep him, or how your body would slacken in his embrace as he held you in his strong arms, your body intuitively moving in closer to fit his form. It was always too obvious; the way you would sometimes just stare at him, unable to find words - as if, your eyes were made just to look at him. You often wondered if he knew, or if he realized that even after he would let go of you, you would find a way to hold onto him.
You don't know how to respond to his question, It sounds easy - how have you been doing?, so easy, but the answer could go either way, your answer could be good or it can be bad - and yours was bad, it was unbearable, it was -
"I've been doing fine Yunho-ah," with an indifferent face, you lie. You always lie now. It was never your intention, but it came out so easily - sometimes you think if you say it enough, that everything would all fall into place somehow. You catch a glimpse of Yunho's stare, and you know that he knows you're lying. Yunho's eyes always grow soft when he catches your white lies. He doesn't accuse you of lying, nor does he press it any further, instead he smiles at you, a 'you don't have to lie to me, JaeJoongie. I understand. I know,'' glinting in his eyes.
Of course he knows, he knows you, knows you unlike anyone has ever known you; and yet, he doesn't know that your heart and mind is filled with him.
iii.
Time stops, & even if I'm not with you
I'm alright, I try to be strong
But without you by my side, my heart aches
Just wondering if you feel the same
You look around the suite, nothing had changed since you, Yoochun and Junsu left.
The table still has five chairs; the walls still have the members' pictures and award recognitions, Yoochun's 'please keep clean! ' sign still in both the washroom and the kitchen, the sticky notes the members' would leave for Yunho to remind him to eat still stuck in neat rows on the fridge - your books of recipes still on the kitchen counter.
You still remember everything as if it were yesterday,
Junsu hovering over the karaoke set, his eager fingers readily pressing song numbers, 'Junsuyah! Not that song,' you huffed in annoyance, your feisty hands reaching to take back the remote as he would fight away your hands, 'hyung, just once. Please', but it was never just once, and you always caved. Face to face you both would sing until the sun came up. Always, because you wanted to make him happy, because you love him.
Changmin and how he would head straight into the kitchen after waking up in the morning, just to watch you cook, 'Hyung, not too spicy okay? My stomach is still feeling it from last night.' His tall frame hovering over your body as he would list the ingredients he wanted. You not once ever forgot to let him sample it first, if he smiled, you knew you did a good job. Always, you wanted to cook for him, because it made him happy, because you love him.
Yoochun and how he curled himself up into a ball on the couch, two blankets wrapped around his frame, a toque on his head as he watched drama re-runs in the living room, windows open to welcome winter wind, "Yoochunyah! Close the window. Its cold!" you complained, walking up to him with frozen feet, but he never would and you never would - instead he would open his blanket and let you inside. There the two of you would huddle together, laughing at how stupid you two looked. You never liked the cold, but because of it, you were always able to feel Yoochun's warmth. Always, you endured Yoochun's odd habits because you wanted to share with him his oddities, because you love him.
And the day your company turned your whole world around.
It was Yunho who got the call.
"We have to leave here JaeJoongie," Yunho said in a monotone, his face paling by the second. You stood still, your eyes battened on the taller man who hurriedly took out his luggage bag. It took you a few seconds to register what was going on, why Yunho was packing his things in a frenzied manner.
"Not we," You said, walking up to him as you reached out to caress his cheek, "you mean me."
He looks at you for a moment, and you stare at each other. You see a faint look of desperation in his eyes, and you observe the way his eyes glinted with tears, how his lips trembled, and his shoulders shook. You hated it the most when Yunho cried in sadness. "No," he spoke in a choked voice, raspy and straining. "We're all leaving JaeJoongie. We'll find another place altogether. Okay? Get your things ready."
Within the second he was back to packing, clothes scattered everywhere as insanity and helplessness kicked in. Slowly, you take his things out of his bag, folding them once again and placing them back into his drawer neatly, "JaeJoongie, what are you doing!" Leadershii said in a panic, his face tinted red and his eyes bloodshot. He looked at you like you had lost your mind, and you yourself began to wonder the same.
He wanted to scream at you, but he couldn't.
"You can't make that decision right now Yunho-ah, you know we can't find a place in our current situation. You know - they wouldn't allow it." There is finality in your voice, as you remain emptying Yunho's luggage.
"JaeJoong."
Wordlessly Yunho stared at you unable to believe what he was hearing from you.
"Yunho."
But you knew you had to be strong.
"No."
Yunho was on his knees, a pained expression tainting his face. He shook his head over and over again as if by doing this you would change your mind.
"I have to."
Yunho turned his head away and did not say anything for several minutes. That day, you witnessed the man you love cry like you never saw him cry before. The hollow, chest-wrenching sobs of a man who had lost all hope in everything, a man that had lost everything he had ever loved in one swoop. Everything you both worked so hard for, was crumbling right before your eyes now, and both of you didn't know what to do. But you knew you had to do anything and everything to ease his suffering.
Falling to your knees in front of him, you both cried together, crying like you've never cried before. Yunho held your hands in his as you cried and until the members came home to hear the news, grief filled the air around the suite, and like a crashing sound - you hear the maknae screaming out in anger, his body turning wildly as he yelled out, cursing. All you could think of to do was grab him; to wrap your arms around him as he writhed in your embrace, sobbing uncontrollably like he did when he was only a sixteen year old boy in your care.
The next thing you remember is the feeling of Yunho's arms holding you from behind, holding you up in his warm embrace, another pair of arms cling unto yours and you know its Yoochun holding Changmin from the side. You hear Junsu's, 'don't cry, don't cry' his voice breaking, he's crying along with the rest of you. All five of you joined together, linked forever in a bond you knew was infinitely unbreakable. Not even this would break you guys.
By the end of the week, the three of you moved out of the home you stored all your memories in. Nothing changed, everything was still the same - and yet, everything changed, and nothing was the same. The air that hung around the suite was dim, unlivable. Like a showcase room.
Your Japan suite, the place you all worked hard to make your home - was no longer your home.
You're hurting; your world is falling apart. Your body, mind, and soul is breaking. How can you possibly say it, how could you even admit it?
You watch as Yunho plays with the ring you bought him, slipping it off and on his finger mindlessly. You wonder what he's thinking. "Are you settled in at Keita's?"
It's your turn to smile this time, "it's going well. Keita said I could decorate anything I wanted." You giggle slightly, your hand rising to your mouth, "He's going to regret it." You chant rather childishly in the way you would when saying 'I'm coming to find you,' during hide and seek.
Keita was always a great friend of yours, and having him close during such a hard time was reassuring. But after Keita confessed to you two days earlier, you've been having troublesome thoughts; JeJung, if you accept me. I will take care of your heart.
You glance at Yunho, but how can I give him my heart when it's with you? You consider the fact that you can learn to love Keita, possibly. Possibly somehow, it was the perfect way to move on; to start new with a man that loved you. Possibly somehow, you would be able to finally let Yunho go.
iv.
I get so anxious, I feel as if I'm breaking apart
Oh why do I want you for my own?
Don't say anything, I just want your love right here.
"Stay over for the night." He asks you, his hand clapped over your thigh in a massage. "I'll send you back to Keita's tomorrow."
"I can't," you shake your head regretfully; "I have lots of things to do. I still need to clean the house and do the decorating. It's a big mess right now." You look at him, lips pouted like a kid saying, 'No, I didn't do anything bad!'
"JaeJoongie," Yunho says in a thick voice, startling your insides, "you know, our separation is only temporary right?"
"Yes," you laugh, pinching his thigh between your fingers. But truthfully, you don't know. As a band, as a group you knew you all would strive to be together forever, but as for you and Yunho. Your love can't seem to reach him, and that was unsettling enough. "I know. I'm just trying to keep myself comfortable." You wink at him, gently patting the side of his head as you begin to stand up. He watches you silently, but you pretend not to notice.
He follows you to the door, his hands on your back, gently massaging away your tension. This is it, you think to yourself, this is your time to say goodbye to your love. Your last day to love him as more than a friend.
"Bye Yun-ah." You smile weakly, tilting your head to the side to take one last look at him. You need to let go. Quickly you step out into the hallway; quickly you walk down the hall, the exit so near and yet so far.
"JaeJoongie, when are you coming back?" you hear him call out to you.
You don't answer.
v.
I can't forget it
I can't just shut it away
I know I shouldn't rush in
But I've got to let you know how I feel
Passionate & intense in the flow of time
I want your heart, boy - even if just for an instant
You close your eyes tightly, breathing deeply, your heart thumping relentlessly against your ribs. You reach your car, leaning on its side as you admire your old apartment from the parking lot. A shadow clouds your face as tears blur your eyesight and you put your hands up to your eyes, "Goodbye Yun-ah."
"JaeJoongie!"
You snap your head up, puzzled at the sight of Yunho trying to catch his breath in front of you. "What are you doing!" You mutter, taking off your scarf and wrapping it around Yunho's neck, not that it did anything for his freezing body. Yunho what are you thinking!
He smiles at you, a smile so disarming that you felt weak at the knees while he pulled you into an embrace that made your entire defense system crumble.
"Yun-ah -" You can't, you can't.
"JaeJoongie," He breathes into your ear, "please, whenever you can. Please come back home to me." You feel his arms tighten around you, squeezing you like a sponge. But you don't mind it, you like the feeling of his warm body against yours, liked the way you felt weak and powerless in his tender embrace. He never had to say and thing, and yet you'd feel how much he cared for you, how much he wanted to take care of you. Was that his way of loving you?
"Come back home to you." You repeat slowly, almost unsurely.
"Yes," he says, pulling out of the embrace and you lock gazes, "to me."
"Yun-ah, I -" you begin, but he covers your mouth with his hand, with a shake of his head, you remain silent as he leans forward and kisses your forehead.
"I won't let you leave me JaeJoongie," He repeats, kissing your eyelids, your cheeks, your lips, "never."
You should have known, that as long as it was Yunho holding you back, you would never let go.
Because you are, and always will be in love with him.
Started Jan.29, finished Feb.1 2010.
//
Dedicated to Moon1084 & DancingDeviant - just because♥
aw yeah, I just needed some comfort regarding the whole JaeSuChun moving out of the dongbang suite );. It has been bugging me some time already. Grrrrrr. Before coming back, I always thought I would wait it out, that I would finally start writing again once everything was settled. But seeing that it might not happen anytime soon, I just needed to write something like this. Forgive me for side tracking again!
Comments are epic (;
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