Paralysis
Paralysis
Angst. Drama, Psychological
Summary: Jaejoong takes care of a paralyzed Yunho
Paralysis
I heard Muffled noises, someone was angry, and some people were trying to calm that person down. The person was crying. His voice cracking as he tried to persuade someone ... "You have to save him!" - "I'm sorry. It's out of my hands." Was the response, the person exploded, gasping out sorrowful pleas.
I struggled to crack one eye open, my eyes are too heavy. But it manages to make a small slit, the ugly florescent light forces me to close my eye again. Taking a deep breath, I notice I couldn't move my chest. My eyes shot open in panic as I try to move my legs, my hands, my fingers, but my body would not obey me. Nothing would move, nothing, nothing. Hot tears made a shield over my eyes, coating and blurring my vision.
"JaeJoong-ah" I called to the man that was crying, the man holding onto a tall man, as the other 2 held onto the crying JaeJoong. My band-mates, my friends, my brothers, Jaejoong - Changmin - Yoochun - Junsu, all crying uncontrollably, all holding each other in agony.
"JaeJoong-ah" I said again. But no one responded. No one even looked up - it was then, I realized no one could hear me ... I couldn't even hear me. My face was covered with salty tears now, overwhelmed with helplessness, I repeatedly called out JaeJoong's name, but nothing would come out. Nothing, nothing, nothing.
"Yunho-ah" JaeJoong cried, realizing I had been awake and watching them. He rushed to my side, taking my hand in his. I cried even more not being able to feel his touch.
"Yunho-ah." He cried again, tears flowed out of his eyes, making a stream of wet lines turning into droplits as they reached his chin. He was an utter mess, his blond hair ruffled in every direction, his eyes swollen and bloodshot with dark purplish-black circles under them. It pained me even more seeing that he probably hadn't eaten in days and lost weight. The man before me cried harder, loud sorrowful cries escaped his mouth. Gasping for air, and crying louder, I understood the situation by his reaction. I understood, crying along with Joongie, I understood I was practically dead, a living corpse. That is me.
Days became weeks and weeks became months. I showed no improvement. JaeJoong had told me I was shot in the spine 2 times by an anti-fan. That explained why I was paralyzed from neck down, it explained everything. He told me not to worry, for DBSK has just taken a break and once he got better, everything would return back to normal. I did not believe him. He spoke impossibilities.
I had already hit my limit, I couldn't talk, I couldn't move, I couldn't feel. It was tiring crying everyday, it was tiring being trapped in my own body. Watching as time slowly moved along. I yearned, I begged ... I reasoned with God, I asked to die. I wanted to die. I was already as good as dead, why prolong my agony? I asked.
I fell into deep depression, everyday, I begged for death. Everyday, I ate my tears as a meal, refusing to eat anything else. I hoped starving myself would do the deed.
"I'm not letting you die, Yunho-ah." JaeJoong said warmly one afternoon, " I'm not lettiing you die, so you could leave me alone to wither in lonliness."
JaeJoong never left the hospital, since day one he slept, ate and bathed in the hospital. Every night, at 3AM he would move me in different positions so I wouldn't suffer from bedsores, he bathed me, and I bet he tube fed me knowing I was starving myself. He offered me encouragement, holding my hand everyday and watching me cry. Nodding and whispering an "I know" every 2 minutes as if I had been talking to him. I felt JaeJoong knew me, from the depths of my soul, from my darkest secret I kept hidden, pushed to the very back of my brain. I felt he knew me, really knew me.
Hopefully he knew I loved him, loved him more than anything in this world. But I couldn't accept his feelings ... that one time, that one time I broke his heart.
He told me he loved me, but I couldn't.
"Sorry Joongie. But I can't. You know that." I said.
I couldn't, because I knew he loved DBSK too much. I knew he worked too hard, and had gone through too much to get to this point ... or rather, DBSK's point. To jeopardize all this hard work for me was unacceptable. YunJae was our couple name, the fans seemed to take it in, seemed to accept our fan service, but I knew - somewhere in there was a fan who had hopes of marrying one of us. It would devastate them, knowing we were gay. And Joongie sure loved his fans, so I couldn't ... I wouldn't, yet.
Everything was gone now, DBSK, my life ... my life with Joongie.
He can't take care of me forever.
tick - tick - tick
The Ticks of the clock on the wall etched in my mind, echoing in my ears.
Tick - tick - tick.
Everyday, time seems to go slow. Everyday, counting the minutes, watching the hands of the clock move ever so slowly as if to mock me, as if to tease me.
Tick - tick - tick
Please, let today be my last. My heart yearned, let me die - please God.
But sure enough, the next morning - my eyes would open, and I would see Joongie opening the curtains.
"Yunho-ah, do you know what today is?" Joongie smiled a big toothy smile. It lightened my heart. I looked at him curiously.
"How could you forget silly!" He laughed, "happy birthday!"
Then he sang, clapping his hands, his eyes wide with happiness. 25 years old and I'm practically dead. My face welcomed my tears, which gladly came.
"Don't cry Yunho-ah" JaeJoong said, wiping my tears, "I think - I think I know what will make you feel better."
He walked to the door, and click - he locked it.
A strange look forming on his face, his dark eyebrows narrowed.
JaeJoong began to unbutton my hospital shirt, then pulled down my pants. He ran his eyes up and down my body, a smile spread on his face.
Panic ran through my body - Joongie! You can't!
He quickly took off his shirt and unzipped his jeans. A naked JaeJoong stood infront of me, hands on hips.
"Yunho-ah, happy birthday." He said as he slowly got on top of me, and kissed me full on the lips, sucking my bottom lip and gently biting my upper lip. His tongue pushed into my mouth as he licked my tongue, sucking and tasting me. I gladly took him in, tasting him, wanting him.
He ran his hands up and down my body. I couldn't feel it, but my eyes followed his every movement.
"Don't worry Yunho-ah," JaeJoong smiles, teasingly, "Ill take care of you. I'll stretch you out first okay?"
My eyes shot open - Joongie - what's going on with you?
"1 finger, 2 fingers, 3 fingers" he whispered, "Good, I'm coming in now."
JAEJOONG no, no Joongie!
"I'm coming in now, okay Yunho-ah?" he slowly pushed himself in, until his erect member had disappeared inside me. He tightly closed his eyes, and slowly pushed himself in and out.
STOP, Joongie - Stop!
"Yunho-ah, Yunho-ah" he moaned in my ears.
Tears streamed down my face. Why Joongie - what have I done to you?
Going, going, harder, harder he kept going.
My head pounded, throbbed, screaming. My screaming was in my head, the voice that used to be mine was screaming in my head.
Joongie was raping me, he was taking advantage of my broken body ... why?
"AH!" JaeJoong screamed one last time. He lay on my chest, sweating and panting.
"Sorry Yunho-ah. I came inside of you." Then he kissed my lips again. Embarrassed, he got up and wiped himself off, "Ill clean you in a bit."
He smiled sweetly, my sweet JaeJoong. What have you done?
I eyed him in shock, my face covered with tears. The puke taste in my mouth more distinct as he ran his hands up and down my body before cleaning me up and changing me.
"Yunho-ah" A queer satisfied expression came over his face.
"You're mine now, forever. I'll keep you like this forever, I'm never letting you leave me."
I laid helplessly, eyes wide with shock and terror.
No JaeJoong, you misunderstood me ... I never planned to leave you.
"Joongie loves his little Yunho, Joongie loves his little Yunho." He sang, as he unlocked the door and walked out ... his loud footsteps ringing in my ears.
Click - click - click.
//
Angst. Drama, Psychological
Summary: Jaejoong takes care of a paralyzed Yunho
Paralysis
I heard Muffled noises, someone was angry, and some people were trying to calm that person down. The person was crying. His voice cracking as he tried to persuade someone ... "You have to save him!" - "I'm sorry. It's out of my hands." Was the response, the person exploded, gasping out sorrowful pleas.
I struggled to crack one eye open, my eyes are too heavy. But it manages to make a small slit, the ugly florescent light forces me to close my eye again. Taking a deep breath, I notice I couldn't move my chest. My eyes shot open in panic as I try to move my legs, my hands, my fingers, but my body would not obey me. Nothing would move, nothing, nothing. Hot tears made a shield over my eyes, coating and blurring my vision.
"JaeJoong-ah" I called to the man that was crying, the man holding onto a tall man, as the other 2 held onto the crying JaeJoong. My band-mates, my friends, my brothers, Jaejoong - Changmin - Yoochun - Junsu, all crying uncontrollably, all holding each other in agony.
"JaeJoong-ah" I said again. But no one responded. No one even looked up - it was then, I realized no one could hear me ... I couldn't even hear me. My face was covered with salty tears now, overwhelmed with helplessness, I repeatedly called out JaeJoong's name, but nothing would come out. Nothing, nothing, nothing.
"Yunho-ah" JaeJoong cried, realizing I had been awake and watching them. He rushed to my side, taking my hand in his. I cried even more not being able to feel his touch.
"Yunho-ah." He cried again, tears flowed out of his eyes, making a stream of wet lines turning into droplits as they reached his chin. He was an utter mess, his blond hair ruffled in every direction, his eyes swollen and bloodshot with dark purplish-black circles under them. It pained me even more seeing that he probably hadn't eaten in days and lost weight. The man before me cried harder, loud sorrowful cries escaped his mouth. Gasping for air, and crying louder, I understood the situation by his reaction. I understood, crying along with Joongie, I understood I was practically dead, a living corpse. That is me.
Days became weeks and weeks became months. I showed no improvement. JaeJoong had told me I was shot in the spine 2 times by an anti-fan. That explained why I was paralyzed from neck down, it explained everything. He told me not to worry, for DBSK has just taken a break and once he got better, everything would return back to normal. I did not believe him. He spoke impossibilities.
I had already hit my limit, I couldn't talk, I couldn't move, I couldn't feel. It was tiring crying everyday, it was tiring being trapped in my own body. Watching as time slowly moved along. I yearned, I begged ... I reasoned with God, I asked to die. I wanted to die. I was already as good as dead, why prolong my agony? I asked.
I fell into deep depression, everyday, I begged for death. Everyday, I ate my tears as a meal, refusing to eat anything else. I hoped starving myself would do the deed.
"I'm not letting you die, Yunho-ah." JaeJoong said warmly one afternoon, " I'm not lettiing you die, so you could leave me alone to wither in lonliness."
JaeJoong never left the hospital, since day one he slept, ate and bathed in the hospital. Every night, at 3AM he would move me in different positions so I wouldn't suffer from bedsores, he bathed me, and I bet he tube fed me knowing I was starving myself. He offered me encouragement, holding my hand everyday and watching me cry. Nodding and whispering an "I know" every 2 minutes as if I had been talking to him. I felt JaeJoong knew me, from the depths of my soul, from my darkest secret I kept hidden, pushed to the very back of my brain. I felt he knew me, really knew me.
Hopefully he knew I loved him, loved him more than anything in this world. But I couldn't accept his feelings ... that one time, that one time I broke his heart.
He told me he loved me, but I couldn't.
"Sorry Joongie. But I can't. You know that." I said.
I couldn't, because I knew he loved DBSK too much. I knew he worked too hard, and had gone through too much to get to this point ... or rather, DBSK's point. To jeopardize all this hard work for me was unacceptable. YunJae was our couple name, the fans seemed to take it in, seemed to accept our fan service, but I knew - somewhere in there was a fan who had hopes of marrying one of us. It would devastate them, knowing we were gay. And Joongie sure loved his fans, so I couldn't ... I wouldn't, yet.
Everything was gone now, DBSK, my life ... my life with Joongie.
He can't take care of me forever.
tick - tick - tick
The Ticks of the clock on the wall etched in my mind, echoing in my ears.
Tick - tick - tick.
Everyday, time seems to go slow. Everyday, counting the minutes, watching the hands of the clock move ever so slowly as if to mock me, as if to tease me.
Tick - tick - tick
Please, let today be my last. My heart yearned, let me die - please God.
But sure enough, the next morning - my eyes would open, and I would see Joongie opening the curtains.
"Yunho-ah, do you know what today is?" Joongie smiled a big toothy smile. It lightened my heart. I looked at him curiously.
"How could you forget silly!" He laughed, "happy birthday!"
Then he sang, clapping his hands, his eyes wide with happiness. 25 years old and I'm practically dead. My face welcomed my tears, which gladly came.
"Don't cry Yunho-ah" JaeJoong said, wiping my tears, "I think - I think I know what will make you feel better."
He walked to the door, and click - he locked it.
A strange look forming on his face, his dark eyebrows narrowed.
JaeJoong began to unbutton my hospital shirt, then pulled down my pants. He ran his eyes up and down my body, a smile spread on his face.
Panic ran through my body - Joongie! You can't!
He quickly took off his shirt and unzipped his jeans. A naked JaeJoong stood infront of me, hands on hips.
"Yunho-ah, happy birthday." He said as he slowly got on top of me, and kissed me full on the lips, sucking my bottom lip and gently biting my upper lip. His tongue pushed into my mouth as he licked my tongue, sucking and tasting me. I gladly took him in, tasting him, wanting him.
He ran his hands up and down my body. I couldn't feel it, but my eyes followed his every movement.
"Don't worry Yunho-ah," JaeJoong smiles, teasingly, "Ill take care of you. I'll stretch you out first okay?"
My eyes shot open - Joongie - what's going on with you?
"1 finger, 2 fingers, 3 fingers" he whispered, "Good, I'm coming in now."
JAEJOONG no, no Joongie!
"I'm coming in now, okay Yunho-ah?" he slowly pushed himself in, until his erect member had disappeared inside me. He tightly closed his eyes, and slowly pushed himself in and out.
STOP, Joongie - Stop!
"Yunho-ah, Yunho-ah" he moaned in my ears.
Tears streamed down my face. Why Joongie - what have I done to you?
Going, going, harder, harder he kept going.
My head pounded, throbbed, screaming. My screaming was in my head, the voice that used to be mine was screaming in my head.
Joongie was raping me, he was taking advantage of my broken body ... why?
"AH!" JaeJoong screamed one last time. He lay on my chest, sweating and panting.
"Sorry Yunho-ah. I came inside of you." Then he kissed my lips again. Embarrassed, he got up and wiped himself off, "Ill clean you in a bit."
He smiled sweetly, my sweet JaeJoong. What have you done?
I eyed him in shock, my face covered with tears. The puke taste in my mouth more distinct as he ran his hands up and down my body before cleaning me up and changing me.
"Yunho-ah" A queer satisfied expression came over his face.
"You're mine now, forever. I'll keep you like this forever, I'm never letting you leave me."
I laid helplessly, eyes wide with shock and terror.
No JaeJoong, you misunderstood me ... I never planned to leave you.
"Joongie loves his little Yunho, Joongie loves his little Yunho." He sang, as he unlocked the door and walked out ... his loud footsteps ringing in my ears.
Click - click - click.
//
- I am mos def embarrassed at how creepy this one-shot is. But enjoy nonetheless.