Avoiding Mirrors; (C1)
(C1) - Just Trust Me
JaeJoong&Yunho
Parental Guidance is advised.
Summary: Yunho is a Psychoanalyst and JaeJoong's his patient. Can Yunho handle JaeJoong, better yet can he handle himself?
Avoiding Mirrors;
Chapter one
"How did you get in?" Yunho asked once he opened the door to his office and found a young man seated comfortably in his leather chair, one leg flung over the armrest. Yunho gripped the door knob in confusion, he could have sworn he locked the door.
"You're late." Was all that was said from the kid, his eyes locked on Yunho.
Yunho cocked an eyebrow and glanced at his watch. He was exactly thirty seconds late. He could barely call that late, but he immediately found the kid interesting. He had expected him to be fashionably late, Yunho was pleased that he had misjudged the kid.
"Thirty seconds a big deal for you?" Yunho asked, an amused smile crept onto his face as he eased himself into the leather armchair across from the boy, the desk separating them.
"I'm paying you hourly. I think I should at least have all of it." He answered calmly.
Yunho nodded, the kid seemed reasonable. Maybe a bit smart alec, but reasonable.
"So you wanted an afternoon appointment." Yunho said, "not wavering when I shot you the price."
The kid looked at him steadily, a look of amusement flashed through his eyes. Yunho didn't know what to think of the kid. Seemingly he looked harmless, maybe a bit angsty.
He was beautiful, he had to give him that, Yunho couldn't fathom how beautiful the boy looked in person. It was almost unnatural, almost inhuman.
"You're thinking television doesn't do me justice." The kid mocked, as if reading his mind. Yunho nodded, telling himself that the kid was used to people gawking at him the way he had at that moment. But he was right. Television didn't do him justice, and his beauty had not been due to the excessive amount of make-up they applied on him, or the amount of light they had shone on him - he appeared flawless either way. His platinum blond hair was unkempt, his face pale - almost anemic, flawless. His eyes so dark, wide - so captivating. His expression cunning but innocent.
He, himself was a contradiction.
The kid was famous for taking all of Asia by storm, fluent in Korean, Japanese, and English - and he was only 20 years old. In a strong sense he was inescapable, his posters were plastered on every street wall (notably plastered on every wall of his niece's room), turn on the television he would automatically be on screen, skim through the magazine stand - it was a given that about 98% of all magazine covers had his face on it, and there was even a doll made of the damn kid.
Yunho understood, he was a prodigy - acting, singing, dancing, piano, music composition- he did it all, there was nothing the kid could not do, would not do. Not just a pretty face, Yunho had to admit. But why, why was the boy that had all of Asia wrapped around his little finger sitting in front him with such a troubled expression?
He had watched the kid's interviews on television, watched his movies, his music video's - he never seemed to cock a smile. Always with the same emotionless expression - but everyone loved it, loved his bad boy persona. But Yunho wasn't buying it, behind those empty eyes, he knew something was there. Yunho stored every detail of the kid in the back of his mind.
"You seem to like my seat." Yunho smiled hopefully. The boy returned with a glare, a death glare possibly. If that's what some people call it. Yunho had never received one of those before, but the one the kid gave him sent chills up his spine.
"I believe in first come, first serve." He answered, barely moving his full lips. His wide eyes not once left Yunho. Yunho couldn't help but sense something lustful about the way the kid fixed his stare on him, and he also couldn't help but feel a strange attraction to the kid.
"Well I'm all yours." Yunho said, then frowned upon realizing he made a slip-up. Shit, my unconscious was talking.
"Well you should be at fucking 150 dollars an hour." The kid responded not having caught Yunho's Freudian Slip.
"JaeJoong, may I call you JaeJoong?" Yunho asked, trying to loosen the kid up, maybe get him to feel comfortable. The way he draped himself onto the chair made him look relaxed - but his demeanor was of an overly sensitive kid trying to hold up his bad boy image.
"Whatever makes you happy doc." The kid shrugged, his dark eyes squinting as if he wanted to blink but couldn't risk closing them.
"So what can I do for you?"
"I'm here for a prognosis. So you can tell me I'm crazy." JaeJoong said earnestly. He sounded serious, but childish. "How old are you?"
"26." Yunho answered, confused as to why the kid would care.
"Aren't you a bit too young to be an Analyst?"
"So I've been told. But I'm one of the best." Yunho flashed the kid a smile.
JaeJoong frowned, pulling together his dark eyebrows. "So I've heard." He said.
"Something tells me you don't like Psychoanalyst's."
"No, its a sorry excuse for a profession."
Yunho leaned back, eyes wide with fascination. The kid was blunt, his words were heavy and thick - thick enough to slice into your flesh like a deep paper cut, it didn't exactly hurt, but you knew it was there, and it bothered you. Maybe his profession was a sorry excuse, but he worked hard for it. All his sweat, blood and tears went into schooling - abandoned any sort of friendships he had, neglected his past girlfriends, just so he could become something, to rise above his father who was never satisfied with him- he just wanted to shut the man up, so yeah - he worked hard, gave it all he got. Maybe it was a crock and maybe he was over paid for doing nothing, but work was work - someone had to do it.
"Then why exactly are you here?"
"I want you to help me understand myself."
"Un-der-stand you-self." Yunho said slowly, cutting his words into syllables.
"What's your secret with living with loneliness."
Yunho opened his mouth in surprise. He felt the kid was trying to read him, trying to seep into his mind and reveal all his dirty secrets. JaeJoong grinned, and stared at Yunho with blank eyes. Yunho could feel it, the kid was pleased with his reaction.
"Do you have a girlfriend Dr. Jung?"
"Yes I do." Yunho said trying to remain calm. The kid was more than he bargained for.
"Does she complete you?" JaeJoong asked in a mock tone, but his face was
dead serious, "does she satisfy you?"
"I love her." Yunho responded almost mechanically. Of course he lied, he couldn't possibly love his girlfriend, barely saw the woman as a matter of fact - he didn't have time to see her nor did he have time to fuck her. How could he love her? - he didn't have time for that.
"Don't humor me." JaeJoong spat, and slid his leg off the armrest as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on desk.
Yunho grew increasingly irritated. He couldn't believe that the kid could trigger such a response from him.
"If you loved her, you would have atleast have a picture of her on your desk." JaeJoong said, licking his bottom lip.
"The way you are now could be the reason you're so lonely." Yunho muttered, becoming less professional as the kid ebbed him on.
JaeJoong flinched, as if Yunho had slapped him hard. Suddenly, his expression became soft, almost delicate. His face like of a small child that was scolded by his mother, and had been slapped on the hands. Was that Kim JaeJoong, is that the look of the real JaeJoong? Yunho asked himself.
Yunho sighed, why was he letting the kid get to him. Why, why him - out of all those who have mocked him and trashed him; why did he care about this kid?
"It's natural to live a double life." Yunho said softly, gently as if trying to coax a kid into eating his vegtables, trying to offer as much comfort as he could.
JaeJoong blinked, coming back to reality. His expression was unusually perplexed, suggesting everything occurring at that moment was an unfathomable jigsaw puzzle for him. Yunho found his expression endlessly amusing. The kid pressed his lips together, uncertain - cautious, "is it natural to have hundreds of people surround you everyday - but still feel lonely?" He asked.
Yunho tilted his head sideways, pressing his index finger to his temple. Clearly, the kid was paranoid, being catapulted into fame reawakened old insecurities. He didn't answer.
JaeJoong stayed quiet, eyeing Yunho suspiciously.
There was a brief silence, tension built up as the two stared at each other. Yunho tried to focus on the tension, to understand it, by doing so he thought that he would be able to analyze it fully.
"Sooner or later - they'll leave me. Wont they." it wasn't a question. The kid said it in a soft despaired tone. Fear? Perhaps it was fear - fear of being left alone. He was a contradiction - simple but complicated - a definite contradiction - why? Because he was afraid of being left alone, despite the fact that he already felt alone from the beginning.
"It's scary being alone." JaeJoong smiled, it was weak, it was sad - it was breathtaking. Yunho couldn't stop staring at the kid. How beautiful he was - he wasn't like anything on TV. On TV he was a bad boy, care free and seemingly living the life. But in person, in real life - he was a sad lonely boy, too afraid to become attached. Using his cold exterior as his shield.
No emotion, Yunho told himself, don't betray yourself. You are a professional. A sharp ringing interrupted his thoughts. He looked at his phone. Damn it, ignore it; he thought to himself. But the ringing would not subside. He waited a moment, alternating his glance from the phone to JaeJoong - who was staring at him long and hard. Yunho relented with a sigh and reached for the phone.
"Look at me fuck!" JaeJoong demanded harshly, his eyebrows beetled together into a fierce expression.
Yunho flinched, he knew the kid had problems, but schizophrenia - maybe Bi-polar? "JaeJoong." Yunho said calming himself down, "I'm looking at you. You have my attention." He tried to mask his unease, but his chest tightened, making him wince.
"How about this." Yunho choked out, "we are in a movie. You are playing the part of Kim JaeJoong, and I will play the part of Dr. Jung Yunho. Show me who Kim JaeJoong is. What is his character like?"
JaeJoong paused, his eyes shifting from his hands to the desk. Yunho could sense he was considering everything, as if trying to figure out his character he began to sag - a small pout forming on his face, as he thought to himself. It surprised Yunho that the kid looked like he was struggling with himself, struggling to be himself. Slowly, but surely - a bright smile crept onto his face, the look of a bad boy had dissipated into a shy boy, with clear wide sparkling eyes. His face had softened, revealing the face of a young man who liked to laugh at stupid jokes, but still - Yunho could feel the kid was uneasy, uneasy with himself, insecure - disappointed with himself - yes, but mostly afraid of himself. That was as close as he could ever come to labeling it. Fear, fear of being found out - fear of being left because he wasn't what everyone wanted. He was too lonely, too uncertain of himself that he hid himself well into his characters, and never went back to being Kim JaeJoong, the Kim JaeJoong who liked to laugh - no - the Kim JaeJoong who knew how to laugh.
Before Yunho knew it, he got up and glided towards him, stroking JaeJoong's face with his finger as soon as he approached. He stepped closer. He bent over and fastened his mouth onto his, probing with his tongue and greedily sucking at his breath.
JaeJoong looked at Yunho with startled eyes.
"I think I can help you." Yunho said sucking on JaeJoong's bottom lip, "just trust me."
+
So, its 6AM and I haven't slept a wink. Why because in reality - I haven't been myself lately & writing this story killed me. I rewrote it and rewrote it over and over - because I didn't feel right. Anxiety maybe? I just felt like my mind was useless, like a blank piece of paper. I just couldn't think. I felt like - I don't think, therefore I am not
For those who know why I've been in a slump, thank you for talking it out with me ♥
Okay so down to business, I don't know about this story. It's basically a what floats my boat story (meaning I don't know how it will end, but I know how I want it to end) I guess - it etched me, because my feelings, my emotions went into this story - and because this scene was adapted from a dream I had a few nights ago. My first YunJae dream! At first it was just supposed to be a smut story, but I couldn't do that - I remembered watching this video of JaeJoong's interview, saying he was sorry he was dishonest and not able to show his true self, and that he had been living in loneliness before DongBang. So I wanted to shine some light on that.
Please stay tuned and bear with me, thank you ♥
JaeJoong&Yunho
Parental Guidance is advised.
Summary: Yunho is a Psychoanalyst and JaeJoong's his patient. Can Yunho handle JaeJoong, better yet can he handle himself?
Avoiding Mirrors;
Chapter one
"How did you get in?" Yunho asked once he opened the door to his office and found a young man seated comfortably in his leather chair, one leg flung over the armrest. Yunho gripped the door knob in confusion, he could have sworn he locked the door.
"You're late." Was all that was said from the kid, his eyes locked on Yunho.
Yunho cocked an eyebrow and glanced at his watch. He was exactly thirty seconds late. He could barely call that late, but he immediately found the kid interesting. He had expected him to be fashionably late, Yunho was pleased that he had misjudged the kid.
"Thirty seconds a big deal for you?" Yunho asked, an amused smile crept onto his face as he eased himself into the leather armchair across from the boy, the desk separating them.
"I'm paying you hourly. I think I should at least have all of it." He answered calmly.
Yunho nodded, the kid seemed reasonable. Maybe a bit smart alec, but reasonable.
"So you wanted an afternoon appointment." Yunho said, "not wavering when I shot you the price."
The kid looked at him steadily, a look of amusement flashed through his eyes. Yunho didn't know what to think of the kid. Seemingly he looked harmless, maybe a bit angsty.
He was beautiful, he had to give him that, Yunho couldn't fathom how beautiful the boy looked in person. It was almost unnatural, almost inhuman.
"You're thinking television doesn't do me justice." The kid mocked, as if reading his mind. Yunho nodded, telling himself that the kid was used to people gawking at him the way he had at that moment. But he was right. Television didn't do him justice, and his beauty had not been due to the excessive amount of make-up they applied on him, or the amount of light they had shone on him - he appeared flawless either way. His platinum blond hair was unkempt, his face pale - almost anemic, flawless. His eyes so dark, wide - so captivating. His expression cunning but innocent.
He, himself was a contradiction.
The kid was famous for taking all of Asia by storm, fluent in Korean, Japanese, and English - and he was only 20 years old. In a strong sense he was inescapable, his posters were plastered on every street wall (notably plastered on every wall of his niece's room), turn on the television he would automatically be on screen, skim through the magazine stand - it was a given that about 98% of all magazine covers had his face on it, and there was even a doll made of the damn kid.
Yunho understood, he was a prodigy - acting, singing, dancing, piano, music composition- he did it all, there was nothing the kid could not do, would not do. Not just a pretty face, Yunho had to admit. But why, why was the boy that had all of Asia wrapped around his little finger sitting in front him with such a troubled expression?
He had watched the kid's interviews on television, watched his movies, his music video's - he never seemed to cock a smile. Always with the same emotionless expression - but everyone loved it, loved his bad boy persona. But Yunho wasn't buying it, behind those empty eyes, he knew something was there. Yunho stored every detail of the kid in the back of his mind.
"You seem to like my seat." Yunho smiled hopefully. The boy returned with a glare, a death glare possibly. If that's what some people call it. Yunho had never received one of those before, but the one the kid gave him sent chills up his spine.
"I believe in first come, first serve." He answered, barely moving his full lips. His wide eyes not once left Yunho. Yunho couldn't help but sense something lustful about the way the kid fixed his stare on him, and he also couldn't help but feel a strange attraction to the kid.
"Well I'm all yours." Yunho said, then frowned upon realizing he made a slip-up. Shit, my unconscious was talking.
"Well you should be at fucking 150 dollars an hour." The kid responded not having caught Yunho's Freudian Slip.
"JaeJoong, may I call you JaeJoong?" Yunho asked, trying to loosen the kid up, maybe get him to feel comfortable. The way he draped himself onto the chair made him look relaxed - but his demeanor was of an overly sensitive kid trying to hold up his bad boy image.
"Whatever makes you happy doc." The kid shrugged, his dark eyes squinting as if he wanted to blink but couldn't risk closing them.
"So what can I do for you?"
"I'm here for a prognosis. So you can tell me I'm crazy." JaeJoong said earnestly. He sounded serious, but childish. "How old are you?"
"26." Yunho answered, confused as to why the kid would care.
"Aren't you a bit too young to be an Analyst?"
"So I've been told. But I'm one of the best." Yunho flashed the kid a smile.
JaeJoong frowned, pulling together his dark eyebrows. "So I've heard." He said.
"Something tells me you don't like Psychoanalyst's."
"No, its a sorry excuse for a profession."
Yunho leaned back, eyes wide with fascination. The kid was blunt, his words were heavy and thick - thick enough to slice into your flesh like a deep paper cut, it didn't exactly hurt, but you knew it was there, and it bothered you. Maybe his profession was a sorry excuse, but he worked hard for it. All his sweat, blood and tears went into schooling - abandoned any sort of friendships he had, neglected his past girlfriends, just so he could become something, to rise above his father who was never satisfied with him- he just wanted to shut the man up, so yeah - he worked hard, gave it all he got. Maybe it was a crock and maybe he was over paid for doing nothing, but work was work - someone had to do it.
"Then why exactly are you here?"
"I want you to help me understand myself."
"Un-der-stand you-self." Yunho said slowly, cutting his words into syllables.
"What's your secret with living with loneliness."
Yunho opened his mouth in surprise. He felt the kid was trying to read him, trying to seep into his mind and reveal all his dirty secrets. JaeJoong grinned, and stared at Yunho with blank eyes. Yunho could feel it, the kid was pleased with his reaction.
"Do you have a girlfriend Dr. Jung?"
"Yes I do." Yunho said trying to remain calm. The kid was more than he bargained for.
"Does she complete you?" JaeJoong asked in a mock tone, but his face was
dead serious, "does she satisfy you?"
"I love her." Yunho responded almost mechanically. Of course he lied, he couldn't possibly love his girlfriend, barely saw the woman as a matter of fact - he didn't have time to see her nor did he have time to fuck her. How could he love her? - he didn't have time for that.
"Don't humor me." JaeJoong spat, and slid his leg off the armrest as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on desk.
Yunho grew increasingly irritated. He couldn't believe that the kid could trigger such a response from him.
"If you loved her, you would have atleast have a picture of her on your desk." JaeJoong said, licking his bottom lip.
"The way you are now could be the reason you're so lonely." Yunho muttered, becoming less professional as the kid ebbed him on.
JaeJoong flinched, as if Yunho had slapped him hard. Suddenly, his expression became soft, almost delicate. His face like of a small child that was scolded by his mother, and had been slapped on the hands. Was that Kim JaeJoong, is that the look of the real JaeJoong? Yunho asked himself.
Yunho sighed, why was he letting the kid get to him. Why, why him - out of all those who have mocked him and trashed him; why did he care about this kid?
"It's natural to live a double life." Yunho said softly, gently as if trying to coax a kid into eating his vegtables, trying to offer as much comfort as he could.
JaeJoong blinked, coming back to reality. His expression was unusually perplexed, suggesting everything occurring at that moment was an unfathomable jigsaw puzzle for him. Yunho found his expression endlessly amusing. The kid pressed his lips together, uncertain - cautious, "is it natural to have hundreds of people surround you everyday - but still feel lonely?" He asked.
Yunho tilted his head sideways, pressing his index finger to his temple. Clearly, the kid was paranoid, being catapulted into fame reawakened old insecurities. He didn't answer.
JaeJoong stayed quiet, eyeing Yunho suspiciously.
There was a brief silence, tension built up as the two stared at each other. Yunho tried to focus on the tension, to understand it, by doing so he thought that he would be able to analyze it fully.
"Sooner or later - they'll leave me. Wont they." it wasn't a question. The kid said it in a soft despaired tone. Fear? Perhaps it was fear - fear of being left alone. He was a contradiction - simple but complicated - a definite contradiction - why? Because he was afraid of being left alone, despite the fact that he already felt alone from the beginning.
"It's scary being alone." JaeJoong smiled, it was weak, it was sad - it was breathtaking. Yunho couldn't stop staring at the kid. How beautiful he was - he wasn't like anything on TV. On TV he was a bad boy, care free and seemingly living the life. But in person, in real life - he was a sad lonely boy, too afraid to become attached. Using his cold exterior as his shield.
No emotion, Yunho told himself, don't betray yourself. You are a professional. A sharp ringing interrupted his thoughts. He looked at his phone. Damn it, ignore it; he thought to himself. But the ringing would not subside. He waited a moment, alternating his glance from the phone to JaeJoong - who was staring at him long and hard. Yunho relented with a sigh and reached for the phone.
"Look at me fuck!" JaeJoong demanded harshly, his eyebrows beetled together into a fierce expression.
Yunho flinched, he knew the kid had problems, but schizophrenia - maybe Bi-polar? "JaeJoong." Yunho said calming himself down, "I'm looking at you. You have my attention." He tried to mask his unease, but his chest tightened, making him wince.
"How about this." Yunho choked out, "we are in a movie. You are playing the part of Kim JaeJoong, and I will play the part of Dr. Jung Yunho. Show me who Kim JaeJoong is. What is his character like?"
JaeJoong paused, his eyes shifting from his hands to the desk. Yunho could sense he was considering everything, as if trying to figure out his character he began to sag - a small pout forming on his face, as he thought to himself. It surprised Yunho that the kid looked like he was struggling with himself, struggling to be himself. Slowly, but surely - a bright smile crept onto his face, the look of a bad boy had dissipated into a shy boy, with clear wide sparkling eyes. His face had softened, revealing the face of a young man who liked to laugh at stupid jokes, but still - Yunho could feel the kid was uneasy, uneasy with himself, insecure - disappointed with himself - yes, but mostly afraid of himself. That was as close as he could ever come to labeling it. Fear, fear of being found out - fear of being left because he wasn't what everyone wanted. He was too lonely, too uncertain of himself that he hid himself well into his characters, and never went back to being Kim JaeJoong, the Kim JaeJoong who liked to laugh - no - the Kim JaeJoong who knew how to laugh.
Before Yunho knew it, he got up and glided towards him, stroking JaeJoong's face with his finger as soon as he approached. He stepped closer. He bent over and fastened his mouth onto his, probing with his tongue and greedily sucking at his breath.
JaeJoong looked at Yunho with startled eyes.
"I think I can help you." Yunho said sucking on JaeJoong's bottom lip, "just trust me."
+
So, its 6AM and I haven't slept a wink. Why because in reality - I haven't been myself lately & writing this story killed me. I rewrote it and rewrote it over and over - because I didn't feel right. Anxiety maybe? I just felt like my mind was useless, like a blank piece of paper. I just couldn't think. I felt like - I don't think, therefore I am not
For those who know why I've been in a slump, thank you for talking it out with me ♥
Okay so down to business, I don't know about this story. It's basically a what floats my boat story (meaning I don't know how it will end, but I know how I want it to end) I guess - it etched me, because my feelings, my emotions went into this story - and because this scene was adapted from a dream I had a few nights ago. My first YunJae dream! At first it was just supposed to be a smut story, but I couldn't do that - I remembered watching this video of JaeJoong's interview, saying he was sorry he was dishonest and not able to show his true self, and that he had been living in loneliness before DongBang. So I wanted to shine some light on that.
Please stay tuned and bear with me, thank you ♥